Deadbeat BM sucks
Let me preface this by saying I’m not interested in being scolded, I promise you any negative thoughts or words you have for me I’ve already beaten myself up for. God forbid I consider myself and my feelings instead of treating myself like I don’t matter.
My SK’s BM just moved like six hours away. She’s only around to try to cover up the fact that she’s a deadbeat. That level of effort went down significantly after she decided to have another kid with the misfortune of not being able to abandon the responsibilities of that child like she did SK. Thankfully for her she found an idiot to adopt said child that isn’t his as long as she moved hundreds of miles away from SK. She found him on tinder only bc he lives near the hospital that SK was being treated for cancer at. She was swiping on tinder while her child was getting chemo 🙄. She moved in with him not long after and then moved back. She had underage SK babysitting her infant/toddler for hours at a time without anyone knowing. She had SK lying for her about it. My SK lives with their grandmother most of the time and my SO works inconsistent schedules and sometimes out of town. From the beginning I made it clear that I was not interested in raising someone else’s child. I was under the assumption that SK wouldn’t live with us full-time and held that boundary. I have been steadfastly NACHO as it’s called here. But now that deadbeat BM has moved away once again, I’m starting to be asked to do more than usual. I’m getting increasingly frustrated by my SO for not checking SK’s room before they leave here. SK is leaving food/drink trash in the room. I’m now having to go through the room so there isn’t bugs. SK is not allowed to have food/drink in the room bc of this, so they just hide it in drawers and the closet. SO recently made SK come back and clean up the mess, took away electronics etc. But this has happened repeatedly and nothing changes. I have been steadfast in my boundaries about SK not being here unless SO is also here. SO is usually in agreement, but has been pushing it. I really don’t mind SK being here occasionally when SO is at work, weekends and summers etc. but now SK assumes they can stay here whenever just bc I’m here. I believe SO has explained to SK why that is not happening, but I don’t think he is very steadfast in his resolve when it comes to SK. SO doesn’t want to be an overly stern parental figure, but he has to bc no one else does. SK is coddled and babied by the rest of the family and it hasn’t had a huge negative effect yet, but I know it’s coming as SK enters teen years. I need my time alone in my house. I don’t want to be mean, but I am on the spectrum/ suffer from CPSTD and I get extremely frustrated and anxious sometimes bc I need to be alone. I actually feel relieved when SO goes out of town for work bc I just need that time and it has nothing to do with SO. I picked SK up from school a few times and now anytime SK wants a ride somewhere they assume I can do it. Like? Ask your goofy ass mom why she isn’t here to chaperone you? Obviously I don’t speak that way to SK and I know it’s not SK’s fault. I’m just tired of feeling guilty about the whole situation, but I didn’t create this child, I did not position myself as a parent, but now that BM has skipped town I just know it’s going to get worse. SK has referred to me as their other mom and I don’t know how to explain to SK or SO that I don’t want that. I really don’t enjoy being made to feel like my only purpose here is to be a placeholder for a parent. I’ve told SO that SK needs to be in therapy like NOW because of this, but I feel brushed off. I don’t understand being put into the position of any responsibility without having a say in things. SO does not pursue child support, which is insane to me, but since he can afford it he just doesn’t bother. I told SO long ago that if he wants me to saddle responsibility he better take that lazy bitch to court. She doesn’t pay for anything unless there’s someone around to witness it. Idk what my point is here other than I feel like I’m in a lose-lose situation. I’m not willing to sacrifice my free time because of a loser BM who gets to frame herself as a loving mom of two while other people raise her kids. And it pisses me off that no one wants to hold her accountable, but I’m expected to pick up the slack. I don’t have anyone to talk to that understands.