u/Ok-Contract-1701

SD is 4, turning 5. Our parenting schedule says every other weekend, but we ultimately have her most weekends and some weekdays too. I’ve been in her life since she was 2, and we’ve always been tight. She’s my little buddy and I love her. We also have a 6mo baby girl, and she loves her little sister. Normally, she’s a sweet, happy girl. But these last few weeks, I’ve noticed a change in her behavior.

My husband used to be a Disney Dad. Maybe even a step beyond that. I mean, he was incredibly co-dependent on her, had loads of guilt for not being there every day, very anxious (almost like PPA) taking SD anywhere or letting her be around anyone, etc. he enabled misbehaviors and tried to give SD everything she wanted all the time.

Even though it wasn’t his choice to split up his family—-BM had an affair and wanted to divorce—it still left him with some guilt issues. Even before the divorce, BM felt like he was emotionally co-dependent on SD. Other people, like family members and friends, have also noticed this.

Since then, he has improved significantly. He realizes how immensely destructive his parenting was. It boiled to a point when at my niece’s birthday party, SD wanted him to play with her constantly, wouldn’t let him interact with anyone else, and when he tried to use the bathroom, she had a full-blown meltdown.. like full tears and screaming. I had to take her out to the car, calm her down and talk to her. She felt so much better afterwards and hung out with me for the rest of the party.

Since then, things had gotten better. She liked bonding with me, her sister, and other kids, would play independently a lot more, seems way more comfortable and confident, stopped co-sleeping, etc.

The Disney-Dadding still comes out occasionally but when I point it out, he’s receptive.

However, the past few weeks, I noticed she’s a lot more clingy on him again, wants his attention 24/7 and when he interacts with anyone else, she gets upset and tries to pull him back. If she sees us cuddling or having any affection, she starts physically climbing all over him and getting in between. If he picks up her baby sister or helps in any way, she tries to get him to put her down and give his attention back to her. She’s also been dismissive and more rude towards me suddenly. She’s been ignoring me, not wanting me to be around, talking back, etc. I don’t take it personally, because again, she’s only 4, but it’s definitely a stark contrast to our normal relationship, and it’s still not okay to treat me or anyone poorly.

If he doesn’t give her what she wants, she gets really upset and becomes defiant. And he is anxious to make her happy and win her approval. I think part of her behavior can be normal at her age (still needs to be corrected ofc), but I think the dynamic of everything also plays into the behavior. Basically, I can see where this is headed if it’s not corrected but am unsure how to go about handling this. I know it’s mostly up to my husband.

If you made it to the end, thanks for reading that complete dump! This blended family thing has been really tough to navigate, so it’s a lot.

I just need to get my feelings out. For the record, there are parts of being a step parent that are cool. I love my SD, and I love my family. There are certain aspects of the dynamic that I’m not happy with. But I’m not necessarily looking to change my circumstance, but rather get some feelings out for coping purposes.

We have SD nearly every weekend and some weekdays. SD lives an hour away from with BM and the transportation isn’t equal—we do most of it. That’s two hours of driving for pick up. Two more hours for drop off. It becomes four hours of driving on a single day.

Next weekend, I planned a trip for us to go see my grandparents, who are getting pretty elderly, in the state below ours. We weren’t supposed to have SD this time, she was supposed to be with BM’s family.

It’s about a three hour drive to my grandparents, and it is the opposite direction of SD. This trip had been planned for over a month and we were all excited because my grandparents would get to meet my 6mo baby. Then, come to find, plans changed without my knowledge and suddenly, we do have SD. This changes things, but it wouldn’t really be an issue except my husband is supposed to drive for two hours to pick her up. So that would be… nearly 5 hours of driving in one day, with a baby, and we were only supposed to spend one night at my grandparents’ so the driving would end up taking most of the trip. At that point, it just sounds like more of a headache to go at all.

I understand my husband should’ve communicated this with me sooner, but even if he did, it wouldn’t matter because it’s still a headache.

He suggested I take baby and go by myself, and he stay home with SD. Oh yay! I get to drive three hours alone with our baby, and take care of our baby all by myself too! Sure sounds like a fun trip! What a solution. 🫩

Also, I really don’t like where we live. This state is extremely expensive, the laws are backwards, the job market is atrocious. I’ve never gotten to move away, either. I really don’t want to set roots and build our lives up here, but my husband is adamant that we cannot leave because of SD. I understand why he feels that way, and I do not wish to move him away from his child. But that means we’re stuck here. And yet, BM has talked about moving out of state too, and she likely will eventually. So we both have to give up good job opportunities, better housing, and better quality of life, when BM might ultimately move away anyway. It’s so frustrating.

If your spouse is a good parent, they’ll have less money too to support you or your kid, because they’ll pay the allotted child support. To be clear, I’m saying he SHOULD be paying child support, but it’s still challenging having a lot less money to contribute to your own household’s expenses.

It feels like my life is contingent on what his ex wants. Sometimes it feels like what his ex wants matters more than what I want. It affects my baby’s life too. It affects our whole family. Not his fault and it’s not even necessarily BM’s fault either, it’s just how it is. This is what it’s like to marry someone who already had a family.

This kind of thing happens a lot. I feel that as a stepparent, we make a lot of sacrifices, and it’s not recognized. We “signed up for this” but it’s difficult to understand what you’re truly signing up for until you do it.

Maybe someone has advice. I might not sound the most eloquent because I’m so exhausted it’s hard to think.

My baby girl used to sleep through the night. After she surpassed her birth weight, she started sleeping 4 hour stretches, then 6. She’d sleep from 10pm straight to 6am and even go back to sleep after a feed.

Then around 4mo she had the infamous regression and we stopped swaddling. She started waking up multiple times a night. It was manageable with the bedside bassinet.

Now we’re hit by the 6mo regression. Boy. This is torture. She gets overtired easily which leads to frequent/early waking. But overtired aside, she still wakes up multiple times every night.

She grew out of her bedside bassinet so we transitioned her to her own crib in her bedroom, just across the hall from ours. However, when she wakes up, she’s very hard to get back to sleep. For over an hour at 12-1AM she’ll wake up babbling, playing, rolling, then eventually crying because she tires herself out or gets bored.

She’s still on 3 naps, since as I said, she gets overtired easily. Two 1 hour or hour-and-a-half naps earlier in the day, and a half-an-hour to an hour in the early evening. She wakes up around 7:30-8AM and goes to bed about 8PM. She only tolerates 2-2.5 hour wake windows before getting very fussy so we don’t usually push that yet.

She also has eczema that she itches all night. We’ve been to doctors, currently in the process of allergy testing with a specialist. She has Zyrtec for it but it doesn’t help. Not to mention recently, teething, ear infection—the perfect storm. Poor baby.

To be honest, the last few nights it’s been so bad that I just put her in the bed with me to nurse and my husband slept on the floor. I use an Owlet sock and safe sleep 7 before anyone rips me a new one; I figure safe sleep is better than falling asleep in an unsafe position or dropping her or something.

If anyone has any advice on how to fix this.. PLEASE help. How did you get through this? I thought sleep got better with age, this is getting progressively worse! Not sleeping for months is taking a serious toll mentally and physically.

Just wanted to share a positive experience about having an “ours” baby when you have an older step kid.

I have a 4 year old SD, and of course there have been challenges in our family dynamic as there typically are with blended families. However, I love my SD and I’m very grateful that she is my daughter’s older sister. She is generally well mannered, mild tempered, sweet, thoughtful, and a load of fun.

My baby has been going through massive developmental leaps as she’s a little over 6mo now. She’s starting to really enjoy playtime, and big sister indulges her.

Guess who taught my baby girl how to hug this weekend? My SD. Baby’s face lights up like I’ve never seen with anyone else when she sees SD. She’s hands down her favorite person, other than mom because I’ve got the milk haha. SD loves to teach baby how to do things, gives her lots of affection. She says she’s “Elsa and baby is her Anna” and wants to dress as them for baby’s first Halloween.

Sometimes blended family dynamics can be tricky, but also so, so precious too. In case there are any parents out there nervous about their “ours” baby coming into the world with older half siblings. It can work out! Biggest piece of the puzzle is focusing on building a positive relationship with SKs before baby comes. If they feel secure with you and their bio parents, they’ll feel secure with a new sibling.

Look, my husband is a great father. But I’m getting this feeling like the bar for a great father is significantly lower than the bar for mothers.

Background info; We have a 6 month old. Her sleep was always okay. It’s gone through periods of being terrible—fighting every nap, fighting bed time, waking up constantly. She’s also exclusively breastfed, except she just turned 6mo so we’re starting solids. She still wakes up at least once to breastfeed, but she wakes up other times throughout the night for comfort. Part of it is that she has eczema that we’re working to solve, so she’s uncomfortable a lot. I’m against CIO personally, but we’ve tried Ferber method and other ways of self soothing. She can sometimes self soothe, but if she puts her mind to it, she just cries and cries. She can go for HOURS. Even when being rocked and soothed.

I am the one who is up with baby 99% of the time. Every single night. For the past 6 months. For the longest time I figured since my husband can’t breastfeed, might as well let him sleep. So he gets a solid 8+ hours every night. And he loves his sleep. But now baby is older and most wakes aren’t because she’s hungry anymore. She wants to be soothed, which I feel like we could both be doing.

This morning, after a restless night for me and a full 8 hours for him, I asked my husband to take her out to the living room 30 minutes before he got ready for work so I could squeeze in a little rest.

This man goes “so, you’re forcing me to get up then?” My eye twitched. I go “yes, I was up all night again, I’m exhausted today.” And he says “what else is new? You’re tired every day.”

Then he tries to get back into bed with the baby, who is actively kicking me and pulling my hair. Admittedly, I snapped and told him to TAKE HER OUT SO I COULD GET A LITTLE SLEEP. I asked why he said I was “forcing” him to get up, told him I’m so sleep deprived and he should just take her out without me needing to beg. Then I told him to stop talking to me. And he goes “sorry, I needed you to give me explicit instructions.”

I came out because I couldn’t sleep anyway after that stress. He tried to kiss me and I stopped him and calmly told him I was upset. So he goes “okay, bye” and storms out the door to go to the gym and work.

Am I crazy???? I feel like I’m going crazy. I am so tired. Yes, I’m fortunate to stay home with baby for now. I’m going back to work in September though and wondering how in the world I’m going to function like this…

He’s also never taken the baby anywhere by himself. EVER.

I don’t want to have a shit-on-my-husband fest but I just feel like this is going to be a huge point of resentment. I want to lay all my frustrations out in a constructive way. Our conversations have led to improvements before. But it’s also just frustrating that I have to spell this out at all.

Please help. My baby girl is 5 months old, almost 6 months. Since she was a month old we’ve been dealing with ongoing issues with eczema.

I have eczema thanks to my mom. It was bad when I was a kid, but improved significantly with adulthood. It still flares up if I use scents, so everything in my home is hypoallergenic and fragrance free.

So I knew right away that this appeared to be eczema. I took her to urgent care when she was a month old because she woke up one day and the eczema on her face started to look infected. Doctor tried to tell me it was just acne and gave no advice. I used eczema creams and sealed with aquaphor twice daily and that helped significantly. It was kept at bay for several months.

With the weather heating up, it’s come back horribly. She scratches her cheeks bloody. I keep her nails trimmed, put mittens on her at night, constantly apply eczema balms and aquaphor and bathe with colloidal oatmeal. I cut dairy out (am exclusively breastfeeding). Nothing is helping.

I’ve taken her to the pediatrician twice now—first time the doctor said it looked like a fungal infection and we tried antifungal cream (nystatin) which did nothing. I brought her back and insisted it was eczema, and a secondary infection on her neck as well (she had a bright red raised bump almost like a hive). Doctor agreed, prescribed hydrocortisone along with another antifungal and an antibiotic ointment for the infection. It worked for the 10 days we were told to apply it. But after we stopped, it came back full-force.

Now baby is miserable and she is itching away every chance she gets. We have a third appointment tomorrow where we’ll hopefully get a referral to an actual dermatologist, or possibly an allergy specialist. I suspect this is a complex issue, possibly heat rash on top of eczema or something.

It breaks my heart to see this, and it affects all of our sleep, as she is so uncomfortable at night that she rolls around attempting to itch. Therefore I am miserable too.

Has anyone else dealt with this and have any suggestions? This has been one of the hardest challenges of parenting yet. Thank you for reading.

BM has always been problematic but she’s definitely not the worst I’ve seen on this forum. She’s a good mom to SD, so that’s really what matters most. I was open to being friends at first but some of her behaviors turned me off to the idea. It’s not like I hate her, but it’s just gotten weird. There’s been jealousy and resentment, and it’s probably just better if we’re at a distance.

Generally, I realized that I was simply not thrilled to see my SO’s ex all the time. In any other circumstance, you typically don’t regularly have to interact with someone your partner used to have sex and an intimate relationship with. That would be bizarre. But because they have a child together, I’m expected to hang out and let this person in my home regularly?

She’s also been nosey in the past and she was even dating my dad’s neighbor right across from my childhood home, which we frequently visit, so that was a weird time.

I understand there are obviously situations where BM is around out of necessity. That comes with the territory. But recently I told my husband I’d prefer for interactions to be brief and professional. Just business related to SD.

The next morning after waking up, I walked into my living room to find BM sitting on my living room floor with my husband, SD and my baby. She was showing him pictures of her and her friend riding a mechanical bull at a bar? He had SD ready to go and said he was waiting for BM to leave and didn’t know how to cut her off. After I came out, she was quicker to leave.

That felt inappropriate and I’m tired of these weird interactions. My husband doesn’t need to be alone with another woman, especially not an ex. Again, it wouldn’t be normal or acceptable in any other circumstance.

I asked him to just bring SD out to BM’s car at pick up from now on because I don’t want her in my house anymore. He has been very receptive.

It’s just irritating. Maybe someone relates. Thanks for reading this!

My husband has a 4 year old daughter and we have a 5 month old baby. To preface, we have a flexible parenting schedule so it changes. But we often have SD every weekend, plus some weekdays. SD is a very sweet girl. She loves her baby sister, and we have a great relationship. She’s excited to see me when she gets here. We play together, go shopping, read stories, bake together, etc. I usually do her bed time routine, and that’s by my choice, because we enjoy that quality time. I read to her every night she’s here.

Last time I tried to post about this—maybe it’s the way I explained things, but someone mistook my feelings for resentment towards SD. I could never resent her. Or any child (I was a teacher and adore kids). I actually love her very much and try to go above and beyond for her.

Blending a family is just complicated and difficult sometimes, and sometimes I resent the situation. Not anyone in it. If anyone is needing to make changes, it’s my husband.

When SD is home, my husband admits he gets tunnel vision. It feels like baby and I disappear. SD constantly wants his attention. 100% of it 24/7.

He can’t hold or help with baby without her trying to get him to put her down and play with her. He says “I just have to hold baby sis for a second for OP. Then I’ll play with you.” As if he’s just helping me with my baby and she’s not still his baby too. It got to a point where SD was knocking on the bathroom door while I showered to demand that I feed the baby so daddy can play. She’ll go “daddy” until he stops whatever conversation he’s having with anyone else.

I tried to ask him to help me with chores (I’m a SAHM and do most of the housework every day) and he said “why do you always need my help when SD is here?” But I normally need help because I get no breaks. I still do most of the house work, especially when SD is home. Just because SD is here, why should I have to parent and take care of everything by myself? Wouldn’t it be good for SD to see him helping upkeep the house, have a loving marriage, and see that he is her sister’s dad too? It feels like he parents SD more out of guilt and trying to soak up every last second. Which I understand, but it feels unhealthy and unsustainable.

When we have family outings, he goes off with SD. Like, literally, will go off with just her and leave baby and I in the dust. Or he just interacts with SD and it’s like we aren’t there too.

It’s just exhausting, and admittedly, it’s hurtful to feel like side characters in our own family. Even other relatives notice it. Multiple people have said that he is codependent w/SD.

I completely understand why she needs a lot of attention; because of her age, it’s natural, and she needs her daddy. She’s even needing my attention a lot too lately. But I feel like normally, parents correct some of these behaviors (such as the interrupting and demanding constant full attention, and the entire day being centered around one child) and encourage more independence. Otherwise these behaviors become a detriment.

So my solution is that my husband should take her to do something, just the two of them, every weekend. Like the park or ice cream or something. But when we’re all home or on an outing together, let’s be a family and include everyone.

Has anyone else dealt with this? Am I handling it well? I do not want SD to get older and feel like I’m taking her father away from her. I don’t want resentment between the sisters. Everyone’s feelings make sense in this dynamic and I want everyone’s needs met.

When SD is here, it becomes all about SD. I understand because she’s a kid, she wants to play 24/7. I love SD and she’s a sweet kid. It’s not her fault, obviously. But she NEEDS my husband’s absolute attention 100% of the time. Constantly. It makes it difficult to get help with our baby or housework. And of course, any intimacy flies out the window.

All outings become outings for the two of them, it almost feels like baby and I are third wheeling. I try to just focus on baby and have a good time just the two of us, but there’s a part of me that feels somewhat cheated out of family time.

As for chores. I asked him to help with dishes when she was here recently and he goes “why do you always need my help when SD is here?” Uhm.. I usually need help regardless. I’m a SAHM and he works 10 hour shifts, 4-6 days a week, so I normally take care of our baby and do all the chores and errands alone, every single day. Baby wakes frequently at night and I’m breastfeeding so I’m up constantly. I’m literally on the clock 24/7, no breaks. His days off are the only times I get help and even then I do most of the work.

He gets up for even a moment to do anything other than interact with SD, and she goes “daddy!” over and over until she gets his attention, or begs him to play. If I cuddle with him on the couch, she has to climb on top of him, or asks him to go play with her.

He doesn’t play with our baby or interact with her much more than necessary when SD is here. If I need him to hold her so I can get anything done without her crying, SD begs him to play or do something with her and he tells her he’s “just has to hold baby sister really quick and then he’ll come play”.

It almost always feels like we become side characters when SD is here. Husband is entirely monopolized.

I’m just already exhausted being a new mom. Being a step parent sucks sometimes. Sometimes I wish I chose to have a normal family. Maybe I’m being unreasonable. I sometimes dread SD coming over and he can tell I’m sulking when she’s here. I try not to. I’m very positive for SD and try to give her positive attention too because she does deserve to enjoy herself here.

My husband and I, my 4 year old step daughter and our 4 month old baby girl will be moving in with my grandparents soon. It’ll help us save money to buy a house and cut down debt. Plus my grandparents are getting older and less able to manage household tasks, so we’ll be helping them too and paying for utilities. We’re not roommates in the conventional sense but there are still aspects we’re trying to figure out.

I was wondering how most people handle groceries and chore schedules?

Since we have two kids we’ll obviously have more laundry and dishes, I usually do laundry 2-3 times a week. Dishes are a daily chore. Everything else is more manageable since we have our own bathroom on our side of the house, my husband can take the trash out, etc.

As for groceries, both us and my grandparents go to Costco and get a lot of the same items as far as staples. But should we shop together? Whoever uses the last of something refills it? How do you guys approach this? I’m a SAHM right now and cooking every day anyway, so I will be cooking a lot for my grandparents now as well, which means about double the groceries.

Posting this for two reasons.

⁠1. If anyone has any tips for moving with a 5 month old and a 4 year old, please let me know. We’re moving their bedroom and baby’s bassinet first to try maintaining consistency with their routines. I am nervous about the naps with my 5mo. She has 1.5 to 2 hour wake windows before he gets extremely fussy and her night sleep suffers significantly.

2. I

3. am an emotional wreck about leaving this apartment. I’ve never been so sad about moving—and I’ve moved a lot. If anyone else has experienced this, advice or words of encouragement, or even just relatability is appreciated.

We’ve only been living here for about a year. We’re moving in with my grandparents because we’re hoping to save money (to tackle debt and hopefully buy a house) and help my grandparents as well, since they’re getting older and can’t do as much around the house.

But we brought my baby home from the hospital, and spent most of my pregnancy and her newborn days here. Which were so special. We created so many special memories with my step-daughter as well. Holidays, games, movie nights, baking together, etc.

I know we are blessed and this is a great opportunity. But at the cost of letting this go. I knew we were moving eventually, but we originally thought we’d live here for at least 2-3 years.

I’m just so sad. I know as long as my family together, anywhere is home. But still.

Husband has a 4 year old with his ex and we have a 4 month old. I love this man to bits and I love his daughter too. He’s my best friend but I hate the way this dynamic makes me feel. I’ve never been a jealous person until now.

He was high school sweethearts with his ex-wife (BM) and they were together for nearly a decade. We always had mutual friends and everyone thought their relationship was unhealthy; they fought a lot and her behavior was emotionally abusive. She belittled him constantly. When he wanted to split up, she suddenly got pregnant. She later admitted she stopped taking her birth control to get pregnant without his knowledge so he’d stay with her. I believe the term is “baby trapping”.

Anyway, that’s how SD was born. He wanted to make things work and keep their family together for SD, but BM ultimately had an affair and left him. Having a baby didn’t solve their marriage the way she imagined.

Fast forward, he moved in with roommates back in town and reconnected with old friends, which is how we became close friends. One thing led to another and we became exclusive.

BM was very upset. It seemed like she was considering trying to get him back before she found out about me.

About a month later I noticed that he had lingering feelings for her as well. He was grieving the family he thought he’d have and the familiarity of his old life. I told him it was okay for him to take space to process his feelings and figure out what he wants. He said he wanted to move forward with me.

So we did. We ended up getting pregnant unexpectedly later on, and then getting married, and I’m generally happy with our family. BM has been difficult to deal with at times but she’s a good mom to SD and that’s what matters most. But to be honest? I’m insecure and jealous.

We followed each other on social media and I noticed her liking all kinds of reels that indicated she still had feelings for him. (I unfollowed immediately) Maybe I’m wrong. He had next to no boundaries with her at the start of our relationship, which has since significantly improved.

I do believe he doesn’t still have feelings for her and hasn’t for a long time. Still. I hate it when she comes in our house and draws out unnecessary conversations with him during pick ups. She suggested we meet up and all hangout too. I used to be open to that. But she’s shown her true colors multiple times, and I don’t believe she’s someone I’d like to be friends with anyway. I hate that he’s already had all his firsts with her, and when I talk about certain emotional topics like being sad about ours baby growing so fast, he goes “yeah, when SD was a baby I felt like that too” and it makes me feel like I’m going through this first experience alone.

It’s just awkward. I hate it. I don’t even blame anyone. I just hate dealing with my SO’s ex for potentially the rest of my life. I didn’t always feel like this and never expected to feel so strongly, but it really got like this after we had ours baby.

If you read this, thank you for your time.

It’s me, husband, SD (4 year old) and ours baby (almost 5 months). My husband works 10 hour shifts 4 days a week, sometimes does overtime too. He also drills with the Marine Corps Reserves for 6 days to two weeks at a time. On his days off (weekends and some weekdays), we typically have SD.

She’s a very polite and sweet kid, but having two kids is a lot regardless. It’s overstimulating and tiring. When SD isn’t home, my husband works so much, I’m usually parenting ours baby alone while he’s gone. It feels like there are no breaks and we’ve only gone on one evening alone since our baby was born. I am burnt out.

His parents are happy to watch the kids so we can have a date when we ask, but we just haven’t had time.

They’ve never gotten to have one-on-one time with SD before. Ever. When she was a baby, I think BM had PPA (which I understand because I’ve had it too, to a lesser extent) and she didn’t want his parents watching her. It’s fine now, but when she’s over, my husband is trying to make up for lost time.

I suggested tonight we have quality family time together with SD but tomorrow, we let his parents spend one-on-one time with SD after ours baby is in bed, so we can finally have a date. We’d only be gone a few hours and would be home to tuck SD in bed.

He doesn’t want to. He says when SD is here, he wants to be with her for every moment.

I understand why he feels that way, but I don’t think it’s fair to his parents that they’ve also never gotten to have time with her. They’re great grandparents, very loving and supportive. They were very good with ours baby the one time they watched her. And we *never* get to have dates or do anything alone together.

Am I asking something unreasonable?

I love my baby girl so much, she’s almost 4 months old and she’s just the sweetest little strawberry muffin in the world. She is so calm.. But only with me. I can’t catch a break.

She is exclusively breastfed now because she refuses a bottle. Dad had been giving her bottles here and there since she was born, and she accepted them. Up until about two months ago, he left for a two week military drill in Korea. I got into a car accident which made it hard to go anywhere or be around anyone. I got overwhelmed being alone with a nb and no support, and stopped giving her bottles until he came back. Which I regret because she formed a strong preference for breast.

We’ve been trying different techniques to get her back on bottles ever since but she would rather scream and go hungry forever.

She adores me (a mutual feeling) and will only tolerate being held by anyone else for so long before crashing out, including her dad. It is gradually improving as she becomes more aware and familiar with our family, but it’s still overwhelming.

I’ve been told to let her crash out and let my husband find his way of bonding with her and soothing her. But the one night I tried to go out with friends, she screamed for hours with him until she finally passed out.

My husband tries really hard to console her. He lays with her, walks around and rocks her, tries to bottle feed her, tries many positions and shushing and humming and she just doesn’t want him. He won’t bring her to me unless I finally intervene. Any tips or tricks we can try, or does this improve with time?

Mama needs a real break. Even though someday I’ll probably wish she wanted me like this again.

A lot of stepparents probably feel this way, especially the step moms. I feel guilty when we can’t include SD—in pictures (we have ours baby too), in fun days, in activities etc. because it’s her time with her mom. But when I do include her in all those things and post the family photos with her, be a caring adult in her life, plan her birthdays, make holiday traditions, do the small things and all the rest, I feel like I’m overstepping and like people perceive me trying to replace her mom. Which I would never want to. I just want her to know she’s loved at dad’s house by everyone. And let’s be real, when it comes to navigating appointments and holidays and schools, women do a lot of it and I enjoy it. A lot of things wouldn’t be the same in her life if it were just her dad and I wasn’t here.

It sure is confusing being expected to love and care for a child.. while being judged for loving and caring. One moment bio mom is telling me “we’ve raised a smart kid” and the next acting like I don’t exist. I’ve never been so confused about my place in someone’s life.

How do you guys handle that? I’ve just been going with it and trying not to care what others think, as long as my family is happy.

First of all, my husband has been receptive to my feelings and needs, and genuinely does try to blend our family and make things functional. That’s one big reason we’re still together.

However, I still sometimes struggle to accept that this is my life. I know it’s “what I signed up for” but many of us step parents don’t REALLY know what we’re dealing with until we’re in it deep.

My husband has a daughter from a previous marriage. She is very sweet and well mannered, and we have a great relationship. But when we first started dating, emotions were very high for him as he missed her a lot. He has every-other-weekend custody (we see her a lot more often than that now—that’s just what ye old parenting plan says).

This would manifest in a lot of anxiety when he’d have her. He’d be super clingy with her and try to give her 110% attention and effort, to a fault, because it made her anxious and extremely clingy too. He was a “Disney dad” for sure.

It often felt like I was an outsider watching from behind a window. I’d try to play with her but a lot of the time, all she’d want was daddy.

It didn’t bother me much when we were dating. It’s also improved with time; he’s not super clingy anymore, he encourages her to be independent and confident, and he thanks me for being there to support him and guide him in the right direction. I’m a teacher and have always worked with kids, so I’m not unfamiliar with this sort of dynamic.

Flash forward to now… even after having Ours baby, it’s not like we’re a nuclear family. When she’s here, he still gives her a lot more attention. She loves me, but mostly wants him. Which is to be expected since they have that natural bond. To her, I’m just some nice lady who entered her life. But sometimes I still feel like that outsider. I feel like Ours baby is too now. They will hold hands, cuddle, play together, etc. and we will be on the sidelines observing (Ours baby is only 3 months old so she can’t do a lot yet). I am concerned with how this will affect our baby in the future, but I do believe he will be considerate of her.

His ex can also be problematic and resentful at times. He definitely still had feelings towards her when we very first started seeing each other. It’s been resolved for a long time… but I can’t believe I’ll always have to deal with her. And hear about her. And see her. Likely for the rest of my life.

In a normal relationship, you just don’t see someone’s ex constantly. I don’t think I’m wrong for feeling uncomfortable.

There is so much goodness that comes from having him and SD in my life.. yet at the same time, I guess I wish we were a regular family, and it feels like I’m grieving the type of family I always thought I’d have.

We have a three-and-a-half month old baby girl. She’s been a good sleeper up until a few days ago. I think she’s hitting the 4-month sleep regression, plus we’re switching from swaddles to sleep sacks, so it’s been tricky.

Since she was about a month old, we’d just have her fall asleep in the living room with us. She’d fall asleep around 7:30-9:30pm, wake up for a feed around 10 when we’d head to bed. Then she’d sleep through the night, waking up around 5-6am for a brief feed and then back to sleep until 8-9am.

Then a few days ago I started transitioning her into sleep sacks since she’s preparing to roll over. Which seemed to screw everything up. She’s back to her newborn sleep, waking at 2am, then 4am, then 6am, etc.

I implemented an earlier *official* bed time (8-8:30pm) where she’d be fed, sleep-sacked, and asleep in her bassinet in our bedroom. That seemed to help for one night; she had less wakings and woke later in the night.

Then last night it was back to the same awake-every-2-hours schedule. Her naps today have been crappy and short too, up until right now as I’m writing this she’s been asleep since 4:30pm and it’s 6:00pm. I know I need to wake her up soon so she can go to bed by 8:30. But then others suggest we let her sleep as long as she needs to at this age, which we’ve always done in the past.

I’m so tired! Any advice? I feel like I’m overthinking this. We try to follow her wake windows and sleepy queues during the day.

I just need to vent. My husband (25M) has a 4 year old daughter who’s so sweet and polite for her age. Her and I (24F) have always had a good relationship. Compared to many of the horror stories I read on this forum, I am blessed with her. We also have ours baby girl (3 months old) and SD ADORES her.

The only hard part of our dynamic is BM. She’s his ex-wife, high school sweethearts who married when he joined the Marines. From my understanding, the relationship has always been sour. He’s never claimed she was a “crazy ex” or anything, but our mutual friends (we grew up in the same town) have mentioned her behaviors while they were together.

He actually used to blame himself a lot. She consistently belittled him, making him feel like a terrible husband and father. Come to find, he’s a wonderful dad to both the girls and he’s a loving husband. Is he perfect? No, but she really used to demean him for small things. She still does. She talks down on him like he’s a child.

Whole reason SD came about was because he wanted a divorce, so she lied about taking birth control and got pregnant on purpose. They had SD. Obviously having a child doesn’t fix automatically things, it can make them harder. But he wanted his family to stay together after she was born and he did try to make it work, like she wanted. But then she had an affair and divorced him. Now she uses SD as leverage against him.

When I was about to have my baby, she sneakily tried to get more child support, but likely stopped after realizing he actually pays more than he’s supposed to and a court order would lower it. We’ve always been eager to help where we can. But considering she’s been to Hawaii twice and California for vacations this year, she’s clearly not hurting for money.

She plays nice and acts like my friend when she wants something one moment (like if she wants me to watch SD so she can go out, which I actually don’t mind doing). Then the next moment, she ignores me, ignores my baby, talks badly about me, and is nasty to my husband.

She also started dating my dad’s neighbor of all people, who coincidentally was also friends with my husband. Every time we’d go visit my dad at my childhood home, she’d be across the street. After the neighbor broke up with her, he had a long conversation with my dad and basically confirmed that she bad-mouths me and my family.

I don’t understand why. I’ve always been open-hearted and tried to be friends until recently because I’m sick of the drama. I understand why she wouldn’t want to be buddies with her ex’s new wife, but I’d at least like to be cordial for the kids. SHE is the one who has an affair and left, why am I the bad guy?

The most frustrating part is that atp it seems she doesn’t care how anything affects SD either.

The other day we were gonna take SD and ours baby to a tulip festival. It was on BM’s time, but she was working anyway. So we got permission from her to pick up SD.

Got hit with an unexpected bill the day before, and for some reason those tulip tickets are unreasonably expensive, so we could no longer go. We knew SD would be super disappointed, so we wanted to at least pick her up and take her to the park.

BM says no, her reason being “it’s not your time with her and I don’t have to say yes” and when my husband asked her to tell SD he’d make it up to her, she said “no I’m not gonna tell her you’ll make it up to her. She’ll be fine.” Like hello??

She does things like that all the time. Idk what’s wrong with her. I can already see where this is headed if things don’t change.