r/roommates

I’ve lived with this roommate for over a year, but we recently moved from an apartment to a house. At the apartment, she had the master suite and was able to keep her litter box in her personal bathroom. At this new location, I have the master, and she has taken a room that connects to the common bathroom. This bathroom opens to our living room space- therefore utilized by guests- as well as has a door that connects to her room. There is currently an open bedroom that, while not directly connected to the bathroom, would utilize that bathroom. We have someone moving into this room at the beginning of the month.

When we were moving, I was really pushing for her to put her litter box in her bedroom. I know, it’s not luxurious, but at the end of the day it is her choice to own a cat and her choice to be responsible for all of the needs connected with the cat. She stated that she has never had to have the box in her room before. I said that must have been really nice. Ultimately, the litter box got wedged between the toilet and the sink. It’s been like that since we moved in and I haven’t said anything, but unfortunately I am building resentment (que Reddit post)

Here’s my real grief: Within a couple weeks of moving in, she switched from using traditional cat litter to wood pellets. There’s a couple problems with this system. The pellets are too large for the cat to dig in, so any solids sit at the top. While the pellets dehydrate the solid matter and theoretically reduce the odor, you’re still left face to face with a cat crap until it is physically moved, sometimes roommate removes the matter, sometimes she just buries it herself. The second issue is the urine. Liquid causes the pellets to expand and turn into a fine wood shaving. These then fall to the bottom of the box, leaving a collection of previously urine soaked shavings at the bottom of the box. The result? A strong smell similar to booty sweat or old socks.

I really try to stay out of her cat business, while I don’t have any pets at this time in my life (I’m not in a position to deal with the responsibility), I’m still an animal person at heart and want to make sure the cat is not affected negatively. There’s been times where I’ve had to text her about the cats water being old/dirty/low/non-existent, and I hate to feel like I’m being naggy, but like do better. When it smells noticeably worse- as in I can smell it while sitting on the couch- I’ve been shutting the bathroom door that connects to the living room and cracking her bedroom door, so the cat can get in and out, but today she locked her bedroom door.

I know I need to have the conversation with her, I just truly don’t know what sort of options there are that would fit her wants regarding the location of the box and my need to not smell this thing as soon as I come walk into the living room.

I am currently moving into a house with 7 other people (some are also new members). The kitchen has a lot of kitchen sutff like pots, pans, knifes and appliances. I was wondering if I have to buy my own stuff too. Because I do not want to use others if they are not comfortable. And how do I bring up sharing the cupboard space so everyone has a specific one, as all the cupboard space is spread out with people's stuff and I am confused on where to put my stuff? And it looks like some one has more stuff than others? Also, how do I navigate buying stuff and cleaning for a shared bathroom with two other people?

Hello! I live with 3 other girls and we are all very close friends. This is our first time living in an apartment with roommates. We are having trouble with the chores, and making sure everyone feels like they are doing the same amount of work. I am a clean freak and will do chores if they are not done, so I’ve been picking up a lot of slack. I don’t want my other roommates to feel offended or attacked, so I really need a good way to bring this up and divide the chores equally. We are thinking about a chore chart but aren’t sure where to start.

This kind of sounds stupid and easily resolved, but there have been issues with this and I don’t know how to navigate it further with emotions being high.

Any advice is appreciated!

TLDR: AITA for not wanting to tell my roommate every single time my boyfriend comes over even though we just hang in my room

I recently got into a fight with my housemate over my boyfriend

For context: I (22F) recently got together with my bf (24M) and we live in the same university housing compound together. I live in an all female house with 4 other girls and my boyfriend lives in an all male house 30 seconds walk away. Because I am Muslim, I am uncomfortable going over to his house to hang out so he comes over to my house instead.

All of my housemates have no issue with him coming over whenever he wants to except for 1 of them. She would ask for me to inform her whenever he comes over because she is anxious about not knowing when he is in the house. While I acknowledge that, I do not see how this affects her much because my boyfriend only stays in my room and my room is located closest to the main door so they would not bump into each other.

However, she would insist on me informing her every single time he comes over, even if he does not stay over. I feel like this is humiliating and every text I send is keeping a record of when he is here, and that she is being my parent by dictating how often he comes over. We have spoken multiple times about this and I have tried my best to inform her whenever he comes over but she has said that it was not enough. My biggest issue with this is that I cannot hang out with my boyfriend whenever I want and I feel anxious/worried about bringing him over now.   More recently, we talked about this again and she started insisting that she feels that she is living in a mixed-gender house because my boyfriend is over everyday even though he does not stay over. He would come over for a few hours most nights and sleep over 1-3 nights during weekdays so I think that her reasoning is not valid. She started suggesting to have days that she can expect him to be over but life isn’t like that. Shouldn't life be spontaneous??

She has also mentioned how we had originally set a rule of not having men over at the house prior to living together but since getting together with my boyfriend, I wanted the rules to be more relaxed but my housemate does not compromise about having him over unannounced. She was fine with the rule change but only if I report to her every time. I think throughout this whole process, my housemate has been very self-centred and has only been thinking about herself. I have made multiple compromises by trying to text her whenever but sometimes I simply forget because my boyfriend and I like to be spontaneous and we would accidentally fall asleep so it is difficult keep her up to date. Also, my housemate is barely home and is mostly only home at nights so I don't see the point in texting her if she won't be home. However, she would still insist on being informed. It feels restrictive that I am unable to hang out with my boyfriend whenever I want.

From our last conversation, I decided that my boyfriend is going to come over whenever I want.

Am I the asshole or does she need to get out of my hair?

If I have a roommate who has a dog and I walk into the kitchen and see the dog has thrown up on the floor is it my responsibility to clean up the throw up? My roommate is out for the day running errands at the moment. I do not take any responsibility for the dog whatsoever. I don’t feed it, let it out, check its water or anything of that nature. Just cohabitate with it.

Hi! I’ve never made a post on here but I’ve seen lots of helpful advice being given out concerning just about anything. Personally, I am looking for ways to help ease/get comfy in this new home i’ll be moving into next month with fellow students at my university. A few years ago I lived in a home with 4 other girls, the same thing I’ll be doing this year. Unfortunately it was not a good situation, they were extremely bitchy/high school bully vibes. I did all my chores, kept my space and common areas clean, even cleaned after them at times and didn’t complain about how they liked to decorate these common areas/have people over without asking etc. Nonetheless, they were so bored with their own lives they’d even make fun of each other for things like how a certain roomate would fill up the coffee maker. It was extremely toxic, and now I’m afraid to be in a situation like this again. I was always super open and even sat them all down one day to talk about the vibes of the house, half of them were chill but there were two girls that were just, honestly, sour with everything. Basically, as me and my new roomates are texting about things for the house i’m feeling my anxiety rise again because my old ones were extremely passive aggressive, and even though these ones don’t feel remotely how the old ones were when I initially met them, I can’t help but regress. I have had many battles with ptsd, depression and anxiety and it’s taken me forever to get back on my feet, get into my dream program and even ponder moving in with other people again; I did it and am very proud of myself, but I don’t want to let pettiness and a hostile home environment stop me from doing what I need to do for myself. Last time I got so depressed I had to go home early and that’s simply not an option again, I want good things for myself but also for our home. I’m someone that will calmly bring up things to come to a compromise and ask others of their perspective to solve issues and if by chance I encounter one or more of my new roomates who approach things in a petty/passive aggressive way, I need some advice of how I could disarm or calm the environment again. This is also with the acknowledgment that I cannot control others, but more for the preservation of my own mental health so I can complete school and try to have a good time regardless. I appreciate any thoughts, thank you guys so much! I definitely rambled but any advice on how to ease anticipatory anxiety and also how to get a good vibe going in the house would be great!

Clearly I'm new to this whole roommate thing. I turn 18 in less than a month and I've been homeless for quite a while, so I'm looking for a roommate until I can get a job and my own place. I don't have that big of a monthly budget right now. She said she could go lower on the budget if I was willing to move into her partially-furnished basement. Is this usual? Lol. I'm pretty open to it.

my roommate and i are random assignment roommates in a new apartment near our school. she signed her lease in june and i signed mine in july.

there are 2 sides to each bedroom, one with the window in the back and one closer to the door. i genuinely don't care THAT much which side i have, but when i toured the apartment, my parents really wanted the window side, so we asked the leasing staff like 50 times if it was available and if anyone had claimed it. they repeatedly told us no one had it yet, so i signed my lease believing i had it. and obvi a window would be nice.

my roommate recently told me she got the window side. she said when she signed in june, they also told her it was available, and she specifically wanted it too. both of our emails also somehow said we had the window side, so clearly the apartment messed something up.

i called them today and they confirmed that i have the window side and she has the side by the door. this is also documented on my lease, that i have the window. anyway, she was thankfully really understanding because neither of us caused this.

i offered to switch sides every semester, but now i'm wondering if that's actually fair or if i should just keep the window since the apartment confirmed it's mine on paper?

i don't know exactly how her leasing process went, so i don't want to assume anything. i just know that on my end, we specifically asked multiple times about the window side before i signed. i dont even know if she toured the room in person, because at that point the apartment would've still been under construction.

i was honestly excited to have her as my roommate, so i don't want this to make things awkward. what would you guys do?

I'm 16 and living in a toxic home environment that has involved serious threats, so I'm trying to figure out my options for finding a safer place to live. I have a stable job and steady income, but I'm worried about finding a roommate online because I'm still a minor.

I'm not looking to impulsively move in with a random stranger. I want to do this safely. Has anyone been in a similar situation, especially in Ontario/Canada? How can I safely vet potential roommates, and are there better options than sites like Roomies for someone my age? What red flags should I look out for?

My roommate and I have been living together for the last two months.

We have a double bed to sleep on and have been sleeping on it since the first day at the hostel.

Last week he tried to hug me while we were sleeping. At first I thought he was asleep, but the pattern went on for the next couple of days.

I feel awkward, but I don't know how I can talk with him about this. Maybe he is really asleep, or he is faking it. I try to talk with him about this, but I can't.

Any suggestions to talk with him will be appreciated. For context we both are male.

long story short, i’m looking for a shared apartment in faisal town or model town.

i moved to pakistan from germany, so unfortunately my apartment standards are a little… 🌚 european. my budget, however, did NOT make the journey with me.

the second i started looking at the rent for the nicer apartments, my eyeballs genuinely launched themselves straight to saturn.

BUT. i had a thought.

if i share an apartment with another girl/girls, we can split the rent + bills and i can finally afford a place that doesn’t make me question every life decision i’ve ever made.

so basically, if you or someone you know has a modern, clean, spacious, furnished apartment in faisal town or model town and is looking for a female roommate/tenant, PLEASE hit me up.

my main requirements are basically:
clean + modern
furnished
PRETTY. CLEAN. WASHROOMS. (this is unfortunately non-negotiable because some of the bathrooms i’ve seen have personally offended me)
faisal town / model town or somewhere nearby
preferably other girls

a little about me:

i’m may ijaz, 17, and i do graphic design. i moved here from germany and i’m currently looking for a place because my current living situation is… let’s just say i would like to escape the lore.

my favourite animals are butterflies and cats.
favourite subject is english because everything else has personally betrayed me.

i‘m veryy spiritual, and am crazy about space, astrology,
conspiracy theories, and infinite realities. gosh i could talk about infinite realities for HOURS. plus i‘m like obsessed with the stars and the moon.

and uhhh… i don’t really know what else to put here. 😭

i’m clean, respectful, and i promise i’m not going to eat your food at 3am and pretend i don’t know what happened.

if you have a place, know someone looking for a roommate, or know a girl who knows a girl who knows a girl who has a nice apartment PLEASE DM ME.

sayonara 🫡

Renters, aapke according flat final karne se pehle sabse important cheez kya check karni chahiye?
🏠 Owner / landlord ka behaviour
💧 Water pressure & availability
⚡ Electricity backup / bill
🦟 Cockroach, insects, mould etc.
🔊 Neighbours & noise
🚗 Parking
📶 Internet/network
🔐 Security
🧹 Maintenance response
💰 Hidden charges
Mere hisaab se photos aur rent se zyada important hai “6 months baad yahan rehna kaisa lagega?”
Aapne rental flat mein sabse unexpected problem kya face ki hai? 👇

Backstory, my friend and I just moved in together about 2 months ago. She lived on her own for about a year before we decided it would be cheaper to rent together. Her house was always a little bit messy when i would come over, but she would still clean from time to time when she knew she was having guests.

fast forward to now, ever since we started living together, i've been doing all of the cleaning. I am the only one fully cleaning the house every weekend (kitchen, sweeping, mopping, wiping counters, etc). there hasn't been a single time she's done any cleaning in the common spaces. she'll occasionally clean the kitchen, but only empties and fills the dishwasher. this is VERY seldom btw. this previous week, she made fish in the kitchen, left the pot on the stove, and threw the leftover in the trashcan. it started stinking up the kitchen so bad, but i thought she'd eventually clean it up. she didn't, so i had to again. i cleaned the kitchen up 3 different times last week, constantly emptying and filling the dishwasher. she'll leave pots and pans just sitting on the stove for days, until i eventually clean it up. i don't know if she had just gotten used to living alone, but now i'm the one doing all of the chores.

i'm going out of town for this upcoming weekend, and i'm not gonna bother cleaning the kitchen up for this whole week, because frankly i don't want to have to clean it for the forth time when there's another fully capable adult living here that can help.

i need some advice on how i can politely tell her that we need to split the chores because half of the time i feel like i'm living in filth.

Hi everyone !! I’m looking for 3 roommates to join our household in Riverside, ideally at the end of September/beginning October, as 3 of our current roommates will be moving out. I’m especially hoping to connect with college students, recent grads, or working adults who are responsible, respectful, communicative, and looking for a stable shared living situation.

House Details:
Riverside, CA location, across from UCR dorms
Spacious Backyard
Private Pool
Shared common areas
Dog-friendly household. I have two small dogs (Peanut is a Scottish Terrier/Chihuaha who is very friendly/energetic and plays well with other dogs. Nala is my elderly Pomeranian/Chihuahua mix and does well with low temperament dogs. Very friendly, energetic, and loves to say hello).
Looking for people who are comfortable living in a shared home. You’re welcome to have your own schedule and lifestyle whether you’re home frequently or mostly use the space to sleep, as I am often busy with work and school, so sometimes you’ll see me, but majority of the times you won’t see or hear from me.

About the Household:
I’m currently living here and plan to remain in the home. It’s a household existing of 4 members (could be 5 because of a spare bedroom that’s not in use), but because the couple will be moving to SD for work opportunities, and my singular roommate will be moving because of the possibility of a mother and young child moving in, they are moving out as well rather than changing the existing household dynamic.
For transparency: I’m currently not listed on the lease, and we’re working through the process of determining how the lease/occupancy will be restructured once the current roommate moves out. Anyone who moves in would need to follow whatever approval and screening requirements the property management/landlord requires.
I’m specifically hoping to find three women, as this is an all women’s household however, I’m not opposed to living with a mixed household/men so long as cleanliness, respect of shared spaces and privacy, are comfortable living with dogs, and communication when needed is applied**.**

If you’re interested, DM me with a little information about yourself, your desired move-in date, and what you’re looking for in a roommate situation. We can exchange more details and arrange a time to meet/see the place. Thank you !!

Roommate (28 nonbinary) and I (27F) had a really bad falling out and they left the apartment 11 days into the month. They already had a plan to leave officially at the end of the month (and had an overlapping lease to take their time moving out), but the massive fight we had expedited their timeline. It’s been a week of not hearing from them. They’ve left some furniture and trinkets, but my biggest concern is the trash they’ve left behind. The rooms they used (bedroom and office) are covered in dirt/dust and trash- as well as tape/command strips/nails all over the walls. They also seem to be refusing to pay their share of the internet bill (left the Venmo group to split between the three of us in the apartment).

My questions are: aren’t they responsible to leave their rooms broom-clean? What if they never respond or come back for their items? And what’s the fairness of me trying to get their share of the internet bill?

Things have been so bad, I’ll eat the money if I have to and clean the rooms myself. I guess my final question is: is any of this worth it?

I adopted my cat as a kitten 4 years ago and I’ve always wanted a second kitten in the home. My cat did have a few siblings but, due to my living situation at the time, I wasn’t able to adopt a pair back then.

I feel like I’m now ready to adopt, but I live with a roommate who didn’t seem too enthused with the idea when I brought it up. Her reasoning was that she gets stressed when I’m out of town and she has to take care of my cat and can’t imagine having to do it for two cats. She’s not used to living with an animal and left her window open once and my cat did escape for 20 minutes, so now when she can’t find the cat she gets scared even though Luna is just chilling in my room or something.

The first time she watched Luna, I didn’t ask her but she offered to for 5 days while I was out of town. Then she last minute said she was busy and couldn’t be home to feed dinner for 2 of those days. This was frustrating for me trying to coordinate alternative care with 2 hours notice while I was traveling with bad cell service and so I’ve only asked her to watch Luna one other weekend when I really couldn’t find anyone else to stop by. That time I only asked her to scoop the litter and check on the auto feeder and fountain since I couldn’t rely on her to feed dinner on time.

I understand that she’s not used to having cats around, but she also spends 6 days a week at her boyfriend’s place and usually only returns on Sunday to chill and do laundry. We also live in a 2 bed/2 bath and have our own separate spaces. So I feel like this doesn’t really impact her much and she’s my last resort for cat care anyway. Would I be in the wrong if I adopted another cat?

EDIT: She doesn’t mind the presence of another cat in the home or cat related things in the living room, she actually loves hanging out with my current cat and is always happy to see her. She is not stressed out in her own home, her only issue is with taking care of the cats when I’m out of town, which she will NOT be asked to do. She also is okay with other friends or a Rover sitter entering the home to check in, which is what I have done in the past.

Really struggling with my roommate; we’re both 24F and living in a 2 bedroom. We were friends prior to moving in but since moving in (it’s been about 4 months), I’ve become increasingly annoyed because she never. Leaves. The. Couch.

She’s been unemployed for about a year and blames it on mental illness which could very well be true, so I’m not trying to dog on her for that. I’m also mentally ill, but her mom funds her whole life. She doesn’t have the need for a job because of it.

What I didn’t anticipate is that due to her lack of a job and otherwise motivation, she would be in the living room at all times of the day. She gets her groceries delivered. She doesn’t go out. From morning until about midnight, she is eating in the living room, napping on the couch, or watching tv.

It’s become increasingly difficult since I switched jobs and have been dealing with a lot more stress. I feel relegated to my room or going outside of the house if I want any alone time. I used to be a huge movie watcher, like 3-4 a week and I’ve only watched about five movies since we moved in because I put my tv in the living room and she’s always watching a show. And I mean always, even if she’s not watching it.

I’ve approached her before to ask to watch a movie or do some work in the living room and she sits beside me and scrolls social media. If I’m doing work, she will turn the tv on low volume with subtitles. So it’s not as if she isn’t entirely accommodating, it’s just that I feel like the living room is hers as opposed to shared. It’s her bed, dinner table, lounge spot, etc. her stuff is all over the place. She is always there. I’m not asking to be alone for several hours every day, but once or twice a week to unwind seems reasonable and I figured she would pick up on my cues (doing work there, watching outlandish movies that she doesn’t like, etc.)

Once, I had a guy I was seeing over during the day (like noon) and texted her ahead of time to ask if she could leave for about an hour because, well, the walls are thin. She texted me back and said she would just turn the volume on the tv up loudly so she didn’t hear anything.

The reason I’m hesitant to bring this up is because the one time I have confronted her in the past for using up half of my shampoo, she freaked out and got angry at me for accusing her before breaking down and crying. I don’t know what to do. Am I unreasonable for wanting a few hours to myself maybe twice a week? How do I tell her to go about that?

Hello! I just moved into my second year of college with my roommate. He’s complained about lights before, I’m a very busy guy and get home late at night and often use my phone flashlight when getting ready for bed. But I managed to accommodate. However, I’ve been needing to use my PC at night more, and we couldn’t get lofts this year. Last year, I made a fort with my loft and used my pc under that blanket. Now I don’t have that.

I need to find a way to use my desktop without the light shining into the room, one idea was like a tent or something but I can’t find any for a desk that works like that. There’s no reasonable way to reangle my desk so I can’t use that to assist me. I’d like to mention that my screen is facing his bed pretty much.

Any advise?

Hello everyone. I am looking to rent a room in South Philadelphia or close by on a month-to-month basis. I’m a 44-year-old male searching for a calm, flexible space to recharge.

My Situation:
My mother is currently entering the beginning stages of hospice care. I recently moved back in to help manage everything, but the round-the-clock nature of caregiving is taking a heavy toll on my sleep and well-being. I am looking for a temporary, month-to-month sanctuary where my nervous system can relax and recover. This will allow me to take care of my own health while balancing my family responsibilities with a little bit of healthy distance.

What I’m Looking For:
Type: A room on a month-to-month basis, available as soon as possible.

Location: South Philly or nearby, within walking distance to public transit.

Parking: I have a car, but I just need to park it nearby to use for commuting back and forth to my mom's house. I prefer to walk day-to-day.

Space: I live very minimally. I just need space for clothes and a yoga mat. A furnished room with a bed is a huge plus, along with access to a shower and laundry.

About Me:
I am quiet, self-contained, and highly respectful of other people's space and rhythms. Because of my schedule, I sometimes keep weird hours, but I am entirely conscientious about noise. I don't party and prefer to stay away from loud environments nowadays.
In my free time, I love yoga, drawing, writing, swimming at the YMCA, and wandering/exploring the city on foot. I appreciate nature, sun, easy-going people, and good energy. I can be social around the right vibe, but I mostly entertain myself.

Logistics:
I can pay via Venmo, Zelle, check, or money order. I would be happy to schedule a time to meet up or jump on a video call to see if we are a good match.

Thank you so much for your time and consideration. Please send me a DM if you have a space that might fit.

Hi guys I need help!!! My roommate who is also my cousin is someone I have bad blood with and she's spraying her perfume in front of her electric fan to purposely annoy me because she knows I don't like it.