r/roommates

When you share a home, figuring out whose turn it is to clean the bathroom or kitchen can become a recurring conversation—and sometimes one person ends up doing most of it.

I’m the developer of OneRoofShare, a free website I built to make those responsibilities easier to organize.

You can:

• Create a household and invite your roommates.
• Add shared areas, chores, and cleaning checklists.
• Schedule cleaning turns on a shared calendar.
• Record completed work so everyone can see what’s been done.

It won’t make an unwilling roommate clean, but I hope it helps households that want a routine without constantly chasing updates.

You can try it here: https://oneroofshare.com/

Warning this post may trigger politically minded people and this post has nothing to do with politics. Now with that being said, my roommate can not for whatever reason keep his mouth shut or not stir ever single conversation or statement into some Anti Trump rant and I am at the point of looking for some where else to live.

With him all roads lead to Politics even when it has nothing to do with the subject. Recently I have been sick due to an extreme weather change, my body feels a kin to Jet Lag. If you have never suffered from this you know how crappie it can feel. As I was trying to explain it, I used the example of international business people and diplomats used to experience it and it was just something you had to soldier through.

I swear he was just waiting to jump in to say it was Trumps fault and that is why I was sick. Now you could be talking about scrambled eggs and some how or another Politics are involved. Not fluffy enough, well because Ice keeps rounding up immigrants and Trans people so that is effecting chickens! No joking that is one of his statements. Our other roommate left b.c. he bothered his GF cause she is from a red state.

On the verge of knocking him out or leaving, ignoring doesn't really work cause his father is our land lord. Thought about talking to him about his son but I am not sure if it will work.

For context, I moved into an apartment style dorm where we have a kitchen and living room. 6 girls live in the dorm. We have all be here over a month and within the last week I have found dirty dishes in our oven. I will say that some of my roommates are from Latin countries and I know that some cultures will store clean dishes in the oven, but I’ve never heard of dirty dishes. Last night, I preheated the oven for about an hour because I got distracted and when I went to put my food in, there were two pans with something black crusted on them and a pot with noodles in it that was sitting out for 2 days at that point. I sent a message in our group chat asking if we can not put dishes or dirty dishes in the oven and didn’t get a response. This morning I go out to the kitchen, the pans are clean but the pot wasn’t anywhere to be seen. I look in the oven and it’s back in there, after I took it out last night. The food in it has white and black mold growing in it. I don’t know what to do because no one is claiming it as theirs or even acknowledged that I sent the message. I will put the picture of the pans in to comment. TIA

Hello , I’ve lived with my ex boyfriend for 5 years .. we live on opposite sides of the home. We have / dogs one is mine the other is his .. He met someone on the internet and is moving her in .. he’s never met her !! I’m worried she’s a thief !! What what you do besides locking your door!!

TL;DR: My roommate and his gf has s\*x in the middle of the night

I’m currently in college and live in an offsite student apartment complex. To begin with, I live in a 2 room apartment with 2 other roommates that share one room while I have my own. The main room that meets in the middle is the living room and kitchen (so one big rectangle and 2 small rectangles on each side). I also was auto assigned my roommates because I really don’t know anyone here and its too late to ask to be in a different unit now.

One problem that the certain roommate I was referring to in the title is that he has sex with his gf basically every other night except the weekends. The annoying part is that he does it in the living room at like 1 am to like 4 am (I’m not a perv, just while I’m doing an assignment/studying/gaming, I can lowkey still hear them). I know hes trying to be quiet as possible because the walls aren’t very thick and the noise also seeps through the door.

AITA but I think it wrong and inconsiderate that hes doing that even though he doesn’t have his own room to do it in. Like for example, I’m a night owl usually sleep around 2 am and sometimes I need to refill my water bottle, grab something from the kitchen, or even throw something away. But, I don’t want to go out the door because they are basically less than 15 feet away and just doing it on the couch. I also don’t want to go out the door and see them doing it and make it hella awkward and uncomfortable. I’ve had this idea of tell him to not do it in the apartment because the living room and kitchen is a communal area and it doesn’t matter what time of day/night it is, y’all shouldn’t be degrade the couch without even cleaning it afterwards.

I don’t use the living room much or basically at all, but its connected to and literally one big room with the kitchen and I use the kitchen alot. Since, I have my own room, I see no reason to stay in the living room but I do keep my door semi-open during the day. I’ve given it alot of thought to tell him but never got around to tell him because although we are basically strangers just living together, it’ll feel weird when we pass by in the apartment. Obviously I’m going to say something very very soon but just wanted some input.

P.S. The other roommate is the chillest dude but is mostly in their room since he has a dog and is focused on his studies.

My roommate has a kitten, about 4mo old now and I’ve been living with her and 2 other girls for about 3 months now. I also have a 3mo kitten.

A month ago she got admitted into the mental health hospital for a variety of reasons, and I got a text the day after asking me to please take care of her cat. Of course, I did since I wanted her to focus on getting better. She got out after a week and stayed with her parents for the week after. I texted her 2 days after she got out asking if she was coming back soon and to please bring wet food since I was almost out of hers. She said she would that night and didn’t show up until two nights later (Thursday) when she stopped by for 14 minutes, dropped off the food and then left. The next Monday her cat got severe diarrhea all over the apartment and I got really concerned so I took the cat to the vet. I communicated the whole situation over text and ultimately took her to the vet and got medication - and paid for the visit. Since then I’ve been trying to see when she’s coming back and reaching out, but whenever she stops by the apartment she’s only there for <20 minutes and is usually hungover, high, drunk or any number of things and has to hurry because her uber is waiting for her. I’ve been feeding, cleaning the pet box, taking her to the vet (and I have a follow up at the vet this weekend), grooming and looking after for almost 4 weeks at this point. The cat sleeps in my room, follows me around and gets along wonderfully with my kitten.

So like, do I just say the cat is abandoned or how do I sit her down when she never seems to be not somewhat inebriated and have almost an intervention?

We live in a student apartment. She seemed really nice when we moved in, but some of her habits are really getting on my nerves. She plays music while she gets ready which is loud because she wants to be able to hear it over her hairdryer (which she uses for about an hour every single morning).

She also works nights (2 different jobs, one is a restaurant and she’ll be home anywhere from 9-1, one is emt or cna or something like that and it’s 7pm-7am) and so she’s oftentimes coming back really early and it wakes me up. I’ve asked her to try to be quieter when she’s coming back in but she doesn’t realize how loud she is and says she can’t avoid making any noise at all walking back in. She wakes me up almost every time, sometimes she cooks in the morning, etc (and she labels all her groceries with her name, so we can’t share even basic stuff like milk) and it just seems like she hates me and isn’t receptive to finding a solution for this kind of thing.

I, 22 F, have recently shifted into a PG with girls. This is my first time living away from home in a strange city (ik i'm a late bloomer, kind of), and while I have bonded with my workmates, I can't seem to do so with my roommates. I've tried doing small talk, but it falls flat. They're helpful and polite, but idk, I just feel as though I'm not proving myself to be a good roommate so far. They didn't even tell me they were cleaning the kitchen until I walked in (is that my fault?), and I tried to help, but no one asked me for any help, and the small tasks I tried to do were just that until I left bc it was clear they didn't need or want me there. Idk what to do or where I'm going wrong. They aren't bad per se, and they're a lot better than the roommate horror stories I've heard, but I have no idea how to bond with them, esp the girl I share a room with since we all have long working hours and my roommate is seldom home for dinner.

I (fem) live with two guys, in a college apartment. One of these guys is fantastic, and the other one is so incredibly messy, and usually it’s not overflowing into my spaces or anything more than a few dishes here and there, nothing that I can’t just pick up myself when I walk by, but the spare room… is so bad. He just moved in this year, and I understand being messy, having moving mess, etc, but I can’t even get in and out. He uses the spare room as his second room. He keeps his dirty laundry in there. We previously used the room for storage. I keep seasonal decoration in there, we have a spare bed, folding table, spare kitchen stuff tha we don’t have room for, stuff like that. However, up until this point it has been organized. We could have friends/family stay the night when they visit, use the things stored in the spare room, etc. that room that you have to climb over everything to even consider getting to anything else. I’ve mentioned it to him in passing, but that was two months ago and it’s gotten worse. I genuinely don’t know how to approach this without being mean or harsh. My other roommate agrees, but is even less confrontational than I am so we’re at a weird spot. Any advice would be very greatly appreciated. A part of me wants to just go in and clean the damn room myself but I know that’s not the best choice lmao

I'm 19F and this is my first flat with people I do not know. At the beginning of the year a rule I pushed for was to be informed with whos in the house, like send a text if someone is staying the night or coming over. The flat agreed and it was fine until one of them got a new boyfriend, she's stoped telling us so I could be upstairs or in the living room and this random guy keeps showing up. It's making me really uncomfortable and I have spoken to her and the landlord.

Am I just over reacting and it needs to be something I get used to? He doesn't talk to any of us (like say hi when he comes in) and takes over the common space and even goes upstairs which is a girls only area. With the rise of student attacks recently in my country (New Zealand) I've been a bit paranoid and want my house o be a safe space.

Looking for some advice as I'm not sure if it happens in other flats and I'm over reacting.

Thanks :)

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TLDR- Cat not using litter box, roomate hits cat for it, has meltdown after being confronted about it.

I (T) and my two roommates, (S and J), have live in a shared apartment for about 3 years now. Recently I have put my foot down about Js behavior specifically towards his 11 yo diabetic female cat. The cat has always occasionally missed the litter box sometimes however as of late she has been pooping and peeing all over the house and refusing to use any of the four boxes we have. S and I have been pushing J to get his cat into a vet to be looked but J has continued to brush it off. Just a few days ago J caught his cat using the bathroom on the kitchen floor and snapped, going on a rant about he was done with her and how he was going to put her down, grabbed her by the neck and whipped her for it. I said nothing at time, which I should have. I will mention here that J has done this a handful of times before for the same reason. Skip to last night, J is on vacation and his cat is acting like it hurts to be pet. I look at her skin where she will let me touch her and its bruised. I am beyond pissed that J has hurt his cat like this and I confront him about it, here is the convo that followed.

Me- "J, I just want to let you know that since last night your cat has been overreacting to us petting her. I accidentally brushed up against her back last night and she slapped the hell outa me and when we've pet her today she does the same thing if we touch her tummy or her back. She's acting completely normal otherwise but we will continue to monitor her. No turds on the floor so far.

Like when I go to give her booty scratches she protest and her tail doesn't even lift."

J did not reply. Later I sent this.

Me- "J, your cat is bruised from you hitting her. I looked at her skin where she would let me lift her fur. Have you scheduled a vet appointment for her or not because you cannot keep getting mad at her and HURTING HER for something that could potential be organ failure. Hitting cats does nothing, they are not dogs they don't learn that way. I know this is out of nowhere but I am very angry seeing what you've done to her. She is in pain and all that will do is worsen the pissing and shitting out of the box behavior. S and I are going to scrounge some money together to rent a carpet cleaner before you come back home. You need to get Sweetie looked at."

J- "I need to call but I'm in international waters. Also you need to dm me things like this. Do not post this in the group chat because it invites both of you to gang up on me and make me feel even worse than I already do from the situation. I will be calling when I'm able to, they won't be open when I return home, but they will be on Monday and I intend to call then. I understand how I reacted and how it wasn't right and I admit my faults here. I was angry, and tipped over the edge, and I regret it, but please, T, if you have a problem with me, speak it privately so it does not invite others to gang up on me. Because of this, I feel completely unwelcomed home and I frankly don't want to come home. I want to get her looked at ASAP, but unfortunately I am not home and do not have international calling.

If you wish to make an appointment for her, I will give you the number, and maybe you and S can take her. I left credit cards behind, but I can also give you a photo of my care credit card to use for her.

She needs to have blood work done and testing, but if it exceeds past 300 bucks, I cannot justify it anymore unless they can guarantee an answer for this behavior."

S- "We don't want to gang up on you, we just want to know what you want us to do for her. Her vet opens at 8AM tomorrow but the earliest I can take her is Friday because I have a doctor's appointment and work tomorrow."

J- "I have given the information above. Give my name. If no appointments are available this week, take next week's latest possible appointment, so that I do not need to miss work."

S- "Understood. We will take care of her to the best of our ability as we have been. She is eating and drinking as normal. We want you home, I promise."

J- "I know you will. No offense, though, I really don't want to come home after this."

S- "I don't know what happened that you and T are talking about, I wasn't here. I'm just trying to make sure your cat gets cared for."

J- "I will, but I do not feel comfortable at all"

S- "I have no comment, nor can I tell you how to feel. I know that I have been looking forward to you coming home, but I had no idea any of this had happened while I was gone so just try to enjoy the rest of your vacation and let us handle things here."

J- "Kinda hard thanks to T.

I'm shaking so bad, my anxiety is through the roof. I feel like I did when one of my ex friends blasted me in a group chat. I want to die right now."

S- "It's just the three of us here, and like I said, I have no idea what caused any of this aside from what was said above."

J- "Doesn't matter. It wasn't okay of me. I hate myself so fucking much.I would deserve death"

Me- "This wasn't to gang up on you, this was to confront you about how you treat your cat when youre mad at her. I just noticed the bruises like right after we went to bed and I put two and two together that that's why she's in pain"

I want to interject here and say that S and J type quickly and my minimal responses are just me having a hard time keeping up with the flow of messages.

J- "It doesn't matter. You should have confronted me in fucking private T. You have not lived my life, you do not know how I'd react to that decision you made. You could have simply spoken in private and prevented my actual goddamned anxiety attack. Group settings and I don't get along with confrontations. I have told you stories in the past about this. I want to die so fucking bad right now... I regretted it the moment it happened but I cannot change the past. She pushed me over the edge and I reacted poorly... I have been so torn up about my actions. I love that cat and it hurts knowing I hurt her. I mean this, T I'd be better off dead to that cat. She's deserves love that can handle her. My dad would not be able to handle her. He would not give her insulin. She'd be dead in months. I just cannot handle her anymore. I need answers."

Me- "Were a household, this is something that should be discussed and resolved by all of us. There is no one in this chat trying to attack you."

J- "I am an awful human being.... I'm sorry. She would be better off without me."

S- "We love Sweetie and we love you. We want to resolve this in the best possible manner. Talking badly about yourself isn't going to accomplish that."

J- "It's affirming to myself that it's true though"

S- "But it's not true. You do care. And we care too, which is why something had to be said so that we can figure out next steps for taking care of Sweetie and making sure she lives as long and as healthy as possible."

J- "I've known for so long that I'm not a good person. I try to be, but then shit like this happens and brings the worst in me out, and I regret my very existence because then this wouldn't happen to her. She would not be bruised."

S- "If you didn't care, you wouldn't feel as bad as you do. And no, we can't change the past, but we can move forward and make sure she gets the care she needs.You are doing the best you can, and you have a lot on your plate."

J- "I'm not a good person I never have been. She is a good cat who did not deserve that. I think I should give her up to the APL. Someone else can give her love for the rest of her days. The love she deserves. I'm actually sobbing at the thought. But it also feels right"

Me- "You do care because you love her, you house her, you feed her and you give her her medicine. You just need get better at not immediately reacting to anger. When a cat does something a human perceives as "bad" they aren't doing it maliciously. Her little peanut brain is not smart enough to know what she's doing, its just kitty instinct."

J- "But I disagree with that. She knew it was bad. She started to run when I discovered it, before I even reacted to it. She knew she had done bad. She would not have run otherwise."

S- "We are not giving her up. T and I love her as much as you do. This is her home."

J- "You were there, T, you saw her react before I even truly let my anger get a hold of me. I pointed it out to you calmly then got angry.

And S, I am sorry, but she is my cat... And I do get the final day in what happens to her.

I love her, but I don't know what to do outside of blood work and hoping they can figure out why she's doing it. Speaking of, if she shits outside the box again, grab a sample to bring to vet. They will request it."

S-" I understand. I will call her vet tomorrow and try to get an appointment for Friday, if not next week. I also mopped the kitchen floor well yesterday and we've been making sure she gets her insulin on time every day. She is eating and drinking as normal."

The next few messages are us discussing scheduling a vet appointment for the cat. The convo picks up again the following morning with a confirmation of appointment time.

I want advice on where to go from here because J will be home soon and I know were going to get into another argument over this. Did S and I react poorly? I feel like J is being manipulative and shame-shifting to make us feel bad for confronting him. In other confrontations in the past he has always tried to flip the blame onto us. If he continues to deflect responsibility should we consider splitting up? The three of us are all neurodivergent in some way, ADHD, PTSD, Autism. I will answer questions if more context is needed.