u/disownedonly

I’m one day post-op so I do expect pain, but literally nothing is cutting through this and I can’t even sleep. Help😭 Is it gonna be this bad the whole time?

I (28F) live in an apartment with two friends (29F, 28F). I will refer to them as Beth and Lori, respectively. There are some details I cannot change in this that could become identifiable, so I’m sorry if either of you guys see this before we get a chance to talk.

There have been multiple issues and points of contention with Lori over the past year we’ve lived together. She and I have had multiple conversations about the issues- including one blow up argument. I won’t go into specifics about every issue, but will try to give an overview and common observations.

Lori consistently operates in a constant state of emergency. Everything is urgent ALL THE TIME. She even walks around the apartment with such intensity that one could think something at the end of the hall was on fire. When we first moved in together, Beth and I were hanging shelves. The next day I come home to see Lori had moved one of the shelves because she “couldn’t function with that shelf there” and it made her uncomfortable. Beth once mentioned wanting to figure out a way to better use our office space. Next thing we know, Lori has taken everything out of the room and is organizing and rearranging like a madman. We had a talk about these behaviors and came to the conclusion that our senses of urgency just were not the same. Beth and I explained that it’s not Lori’s responsibility to do or fix everything. We agreed that from that point forward all house decisions need at least 2/3 input and participation.

Onto last night. We got a dining table and it needed to be put together. Lori immediately started getting to it in the living room. Inconvenient to do it right there instead of the dining room, but no big deal. A little while later, Beth and I were sitting on the couch waiting for our show to air at 9. Lori comes in and says she needs to turn on the overhead light so she can keep working on the table. Beth says it’s okay but would like the light to be off at 9 while we watch our show. Lori, in short, said no because she wants to finish the table and can’t promise she’ll be done in 20 minutes. The two of them went back and forth a little bit. Beth suggested she finish the table in the dining room. Lori said no because she wants to be on the couch to do it and finishing the table was part of her plan for the day. Beth put her foot down and said that the light will be off at 9, and she can keep building after the show or can move to the dining room. I also chimed in and said that I could help finish it tomorrow. Lori finally understood, apologized, and decided to build after the show was over. We then get a series of texts after midnight saying she finished the table, but couldn’t fit it down the hallway, made a hole in the drywall, and suggested we keep the table in the living room because she has no time to take it apart and rebuild.

Lori and I have had more 1-1 issues than her and Beth. But we are both exasperated with Lori. The immature part of me really wants to air my grievances and pick a fight, but I’m not trying to make things worse. I’m actually getting more and more concerned for Lori’s mental health and wellbeing. How should Beth and I bring this up with her? What do we even say? What possible solutions are there?

TLDR: Roommate keeps taking on every task by herself, treats everything like an emergency, and refuses to (or cannot) slow down. My other roommate and I are frustrated, but also starting to worry about her. How do we bring this up without making things worse?

Thank you all for your advice!

I feel like I’m cursed, have bad luck, or something is deeply wrong with my body. I’m 27F and my medical history feels insane- especially in the past 6 years. In 2020 I was hospitalized with a pulmonary embolism (not covid related, it was birth control- which was the first thing to ever help my pcos symptoms). In 2023 I had decompression surgery for a Chiari malformation that was finally diagnosed even though I’ve had those insane headaches since childhood. In 2024 I was diagnosed with oncocytic thyroid cancer and had the tumor removed with surgery. Now last night I broke my foot playing a sport I’ve played my entire life and it requires surgery. Why can’t I just get a regular cold or a sprained ankle? Why is it always so goddamn extreme? I’m just so angry with my body. I’m so tired.