r/newborns

I know it’s intended as a compliment, but of course my 5 week old is a “good baby” when he’s being held and cozy. You don’t see a hormonal, tired, PP mom crying on the kitchen floor when she can’t have 15 minutes hands free during the day. Or the feral evening cluster feeding with nipples on fire. Or the many nights where settling takes 2 hours. Or anything else that’s par for the course with a baby at this developmental stage.

And also, does this imply that a baby who fusses constantly is a “bad baby”? Babies have different physiological challenges that they don’t know how to deal with. They communicate by crying. Some babies have easier time than other babies. There’s no such thing as a “good” or “bad” baby.

Again, I know it’s said with good intentions. It’s just frustrating because no, I’m not just smooth sailing on cloud nine because my baby is calm while being held and snuggled in the few hours someone sees him. Just had to rant lol.

FTM here, my baby is 8 days old and i’ve barely been getting any sleep. The last two nights i’ve felt so overwhelmed and ended up crying because i feel like im doing a terrible job and doing something wrong. My baby is so settled during the day but so much harder to get to sleep at night and i’ve tried so many different things, the lack of sleep isn’t helping me at all. Would love to get atleast a 2 hour nap 🥲

A lot of people say oh he’s such a good baby, he’s so calm and quiet. Yes of course he’s quiet whenever he’s been rocked and held but when it gets to them early hours trying to settle him coming from a tired recovering from emergency c-section mum it is not easy and he is not calm🫢

My PPA is really going to show here. My baby is 3 months. She was contact napping on me and I was on my phone. I looked down and noticed she had her nose buried in her arm and she was like that for who knows how long. I moved her head and then 5 mins later she woke up crying hysterically for no reason and went back to sleep. Would she have moved if she really couldn’t breathe? I hope I didn’t deprive her of oxygen and that’s why she cried.

I unfortunately have been lurking on reddit and social media all throughout my pregnancy and immediately post partum, and I was expecting the newborn phase to be a lot worse than it is.

I imagine this is highly baby dependent but

*My almost 5 week old sleep every night in 3 - 4 hour stretches

*If she cries, its for a reason and it’s doable to soothe her

*She can take some bassinet naps during the day, but prefers to be held - this gives me a chance to shower or cook or chill (my husband is able to tag team)

*She likes the stroller and car seat so pretty portable

*No reflux or milk protein allergy

*she’s cute and healthy

I had a rough delivery and unplanned c section so having a manageable baby has been a blessing. I’m sure more challenges will emerge? but we’re doing ok

I've written on the sub a few times and I am just now 7 weeks out, almost 8 and so miserable. Everything I am doing seems harder than it should be. I am regretting becoming a mom so badly because none of this is natural to me and that's so obvious now. From Day 1 he wouldn't sleep in bassinet, I did every trick until I bought the SNOO which really has been no miracle. He had a few nights of almost 4 hour stretches and now is back to almost 3 hours and nothing more than that after, and I have to nurse him each time back to sleep. Even if its only 35 minutes, which research would say im not feeding him enough during day but theres literally nothing I can do differently, hes offered my boob whenever he wants it and he refuses after 5-10 minutes no matter what trick I do, tickling feet, diaper change all of it. My time on the internet trying to find a solution to every obstacle since hes born is insane, I've read it all. My boobs also hurt so bad and theyre just massive and I hate my body so much. I also can't pump adequately because I can't put him down, hes velcro to me for every single nap, I get maybe 10 independent minutes per wake cycle. Hes on gas drops and reflux medicine and gripe water and hes held upright every feed leading to more sleep deprivation because every wake up mid night requires an additional 15 minutes of holding him if not more, and results never vary. He's mostly fussy all the time, he has some moments of being happy but they are so quick and help is non existent, my MIL cannot soothe him and she isn't helping in any other way - she simply wants to hold the baby, tell me that he looks like my husband and FIL and take selfies so my house is a mess and we never have food in fridge, and im just exhausted. My husband can soothe baby but honestly not enough to count, baby always ends up crying and I can't sleep through it, husband also is back at work from 6 AM to 4:30 PM and when he comes home he takes baby but im just so burnt out by then that I can only sit there and veg and wait until I hear inevitable crying. Aside from that hes finished 6 books in 7 weeks, has been able to game with his friends and is going to a wedding this weekend and then a bachelor party which has only heightened my anxiety because I have a baby who will not sleep anywhere but on me after a stretch in bassinet. My husband is also extremely aloof which is to say any problem I tell him he acknowledges but it has a 1 day shelf life, so the next day he won't mention it again. I told him I think I have PPD and wanted to try a medication for it that my OB recommended but it will make me groggy so we need a solution for night time and he never brought it up again, my anxiety around his bachelor party hes attending, he doesn't mention to me. I asked my family to come and they can't and he hasn't done anything to ease my anxiety or find a solution. He only ever pushes his Mom who again has not been helpful. He is wonderful in many ways but this is his flaw - he doesn't help unless explicitly asked and then you wish you did it yourself. So for another wedding we have in August im anxiously trying to find a babysitter and he has not offered to help or asked questions or provided feedback once despite the fact that its his friends wedding we are going to. And all of this just comes down to that I really think my newborn is so hard and no fault of his own hes just a baby and I love him with all my heart but I am failing him I can't feed him properly I can't get him to sleep properly I can't wear him in a baby carrier because he hates it so im probably doing that wrong too. Everything I read is making me anxious because the goal post keeps moving, I thought 5-7 is the worst but were almost at 8 and its only getting worse, he just seems unhappy all the time and I can't function not sleeping like this, I do end up safely cosleeping and I hate it because he won't c curl hell only chest sleep, and im just terrified something bad is going to happen to my baby but then again it would be my fault because im such a mistake of a mother

Edit to add baby is also growing beautifully thank God he was born 8 lbs 7 oz and is already at least 13 lbs at a weeks so he is eating enough but he also will eat such short bursts and i can't get him to eat longer

How is anyone supposed to sleep??! I’ve been truly humbled. By the time the feed starts, burping , settling , sitting upright it’s nearly the start of the 3 hours again !! Also the NOISE has shocked me, why do they sound like that while asleep?😂 I wish I trained during pregnancy for this 💀

Pretty sure I’m gonna get pregnant again before the end of the year because dayum… fatherhood looks good on my husband. He’s become an absolute pro at responding to our 3mo old’s needs. If she’s fussy and I make a move to pick her up, he’ll put a hand on my shoulder and say, “Relax my love, I’ve got this” and proceed to hoist up our baby into his arms and walk around the room “dancing” with her and omgerrr… I f*cking melt.

Diaper explosion? He’s on it.

Hungry? He’s already in the kitchen heating up a bottle.

Fussy? She’ll settle down in his arms.

I even catch him at 2am watching videos on baby milestones and if there’s some odd mark or rash or anything unusual with the baby he’s already researching and prepping questions to bring to our next pediatrician visit.

Good lord.

And the way he talks about her. He’s bragging about her holding her head up and reaching for things and smiling. He’s so proud of her and it makes me so friggin happy I chose him to be the father of my children.

Oh yeah. We definitely making baby #2 before Christmas…

Sharing only because this “baby hack” has worked so unbelievably well for me and our 5 week old that not posting about it was starting to feel like gatekeeping…

Poop Hack: Massage baby’s feet to help alleviate mild constipation and/or when they’re actively trying/straining but without luck.

Foot massages can be done while baby is laying down on their back or while sitting in a bouncer (which I’ve been told is its own laxative of sorts!) but here’s what’s worked for us without fail (6 attempts, 100% success rate):
- Sit with baby’s back to you so you’re both in an upright seated position. With a 5 week old, I tend to sit back to have a very, very slight recline just to better manage baby’s head/neck stability.
- Then I use both hands to simultaneously massage baby’s feet with my thumbs and forefingers. Note: My baby didn’t love this new physical interaction at first and kept trying to pull her feet away, arch her back, etc. If you can, try to push through to see if they acclimate.
- If your baby is anything like mine, their entire body will relax into their spa treatment so I suggest using your arms as guardrails to hold their upper body in place and to keep them securely seated against you—don’t let them get too slouchy while you’re massaging those baby toes.
- Massage gently but consistently, if allowed, for as long as you can. Worst case, you just give you and your baby a nice moment of bonding time together where they feel comforted and relaxed.
- If things go as planned, you might not get much of a warning before the bowel movement. This has been my experience every single time. However, listen for tummy grumbles and passing gas. Even if a massage doesn’t end with a poop, encouraging movement of gas and food in their bellies is always a good thing.

Last but not least, a quick PSA before attempting this: our baby hadn’t pooped for an entire day the first time I gave this a shot. It worked, but it also led to an absolutely cataclysmic diaper blowout. Like, one for the books that left me utterly paralyzed not knowing where to even begin for cleanup. So, consider yourselves warned.

Otherwise, I sincerely hope this ridiculous hack finds its way into the lives of other parents in desperate need of a win. May the poop odds be ever in your favor! 🫡

Do things get better after 3 months? Do you get more sleep and rest once the 12 week is crossed? Or do you wake up every 2 hours to feed the baby?

Just trying to mentally prepare myself for when the time comes.

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As a context, we live in Canada. My MIL lives in other country.

Every year, she has to stay in the US for a month to keep receiving her pension, otherwise it will stop.

So she visited and stayed at her step son's place in the US. Since she's there, we invited her to stay at our place for a couple of months since the flight distance is closer and cheaper airfare so might as well take advantage.

On the day of my labor, my husband and I went to the hospital and she stayed home.

I had a c-section after a failed induction and had a huge swelling on my feet and everywhere.

My sister offered to fetch my MIL from home so she come visit us at the hospital and she declined but after my husband convinced her, she came to visit. My husband asked if she wanted to sit on down so she hold baby so they can take a picture and she said "I don't like. I'm scared".

The negative feelings I have towards MIL started here. My own mom would have been so excited at the thought of seeing her grandson for the first time but I feel like my MIL showed no excitement.

We spent 1 more day at the hospital after that and when we got home, there was no food so we had to order take out. I initially thought, why would she not think of cooking when she knew we were coming home from the hospital. She has Canadian dollars and the grocery store is just across the street.

On the next day, my husband & MIL went to grocery shop so I requested them to shop ingredients for a chicken soup.

At this point, my swelling was getting worse, my legs, whole body were puffy. I can't even put on my own undies, and it was hard for me to walk or get up from bed/couch.

When they got home, they unloaded the groceries. Later that day, while I was breastfeeding my baby on the couch when my MIL asked asked my husband if I will be the one to cook the chicken soup to which my husband replied it should be her. I was right there but she didn't ask me directly. I was shocked that she even have to ask if I'm the one cooking when she can see my condition.

She then asked how much of vegetables she put and how much of this and that. I looked at my husband and we both seemed confused since she knows how to cook better than me and she very well know the dish, just boil everything together. I said "the normal amount". The way she responded sounded like she's irritated but she did eventually cook it.

A week had gone and it was MIL's birthday and still, she had not held baby even once. She just looks at him, she said she's scared that she might trip and drop baby. My husband insisted that he hold baby but she refuses. I added at least hold baby even for a minute for a picture taking while sitting down if she's scared of dropping baby. I made it sound like "he's your first grandson and you don't even have a picture together " And so she did hold baby, for a minute.

This whole thing made me feel negatively towards her. Whenever I look at her, I feel disgust.

Although she helped me up from the couch before when I needed help and husband was unable, and she now entertains baby, talks about him fondly with her siblings, & cooks sometimes, I think I won't ever forget how she behaved towards me and baby right after birth.

I know she is doing a bit more now, but the damage feels done. How do I get past this disgust. Am I overreacting, or is this resentment normal?

9.5 week old, EBF.

For the past few weeks (except one glorious night where he slept two 3 hour stretches) our baby has been waking up hourly, usually at almost exactly 1 hour 5 minutes.

My husband is incredible and is definitely doing what he can, but with the baby being EBF many of the wakeups have to be handled by me. We tried expressing so I could get a longer stretch of sleep, but a) I’d need to pump at the same time as the feed to keep up supply so it felt a bit pointless and b) I wake up to the baby screaming anyway. At the weekends it’s not so bad as he can take the baby in the day so I can sleep, but when he’s working we can’t do that. He always takes him early in the morning to give me a bit of sleep but after a night of only sleeping for 30 mins at a time it’s just not enough to make up for it. Last night we just gave up and held him all night, taking shifts. He will sleep for a few hours if held. Thats obviously not sustainable. We’ve tried cosleeping, but he still woke as frequently. We’ve also tried capping his daytime sleep and not capping his daytime sleep, neither seemed to make a difference.

I know it’s normal for babies to wake frequently overnight but every hour is absolutely killing me. I’m starting to feel dangerously low and am noticing small hallucinations in the corners of my eyes.

I’m really desperate for anything that might help, or at least reassurance that this won’t go on forever, and might even resolve soon and not in several months or years down the line. We really can’t do this anymore.

I feel like such a failure and the community health nurses don’t help! They’re so anti formula, everything done by the book, my baby has to be X weight etc. and it makes me feel guilty.

For context my LO was born at 3.4kg, dropped birth weight to 3.1kg, was 3.7 at 3.5 weeks now at 7 weeks old is 3.9. He’s long and slender at 23 inches. Now, he is growing on his curve. He is breastfed with 1 formula bottle a day. He’s probably around the 5th ish percentile for weight. He is only in 0000, size 1 nappies. He does pee poo fine and all that good stuff.

But still, according to the books he’s not putting on enough weekly, he’s too small and he needs be feeding more. He just eats what he needs though, I can’t get him to take more. I know my supply is fine. Does anyone else have small babies? Will he fill out? Any tips?? My mental health isn’t great over this and I find myself beating myself up about it all day every day. I loved breastfeeding but because he’s so small, I’m starting to dislike it because it feels like he’s small because of me.

I have a 10 week old and we are trying to figure out what to put him in to sleep. He so far has hated his love to dream swaddle. He has done okay in the Merlin magic sleep suit. Any suggestions?

My LO is 3 weeks old. It's ruining his sleep and naps during the night time

We do tummy times and burps still not enough to deal with the nap ruining

Pls let me know

Picture this:

Your 12 week old is in her bassinet. You’re doing your nightly hangout in bed next to her while hubby is out in the rest of the house cleaning up from the day and decompressing before you go out to do your last pump of the evening. It’s July 4th and your loud-ass neighbors are yelling and setting off fireworks. And yet your delightful angel is asleep. She’s been extra fussy the last two days for reasons you still can’t quite figure out but hey, she’s sleeping through all the chaos outside.

However she has squirmed herself completely sideways in her bassinet. Top of her head and her feet are touching the side walls. Her face is clear, she’s not at risk for suffocating or falling out or anything. She’s just….. sideways.

Are we moving her?

EDITED TO CLARIFY: She’s still on her back. She’s just like wedged herself across the short side instead of comfortably using the full length of the bassinet. It was less of a “is she safe?” question and more of a “how are you comfortable doing this?”

Im 3 weeks PP & really struggling with dressing myself and end up just wearing a nursing bra and cardigan.

Question for anyone who follows this: we’ve been loosely trying as our baby kinda has had the schedule already minus the 7:30pm bedtime. We usually do bath around 8pm if we are doing it that night and now in bed by 9pm.

Last night we did this, she had her one bottle of the day around 8:30-45 and was in bed by 9-9:15. One feed middle of the night around 3:50-4 am and she is still sleeping now at 8:15am. Should I wake her up to start the schedule over, should I let her sleep? Is this a sign we should put her to bed earlier?

She is 10 weeks old today! She feeds every 2-3 hours during the day and sometimes between like 3-7pm it’s every hour 😅. Any help or insight is appreciated.

I had no idea I'd feel this much joy as a mother. Knew I'd never have children unless I met the right man, which took 36 years. Fast-forward two years, we are both 38, married, bought a house and had a baby.

The labor was hard. Nearly 35 hours AFTER my water broke. So long that my womb started an infection and my body started poisoning itself causing severe pre-eclampsia. We almost died. During labor I kept thinking "I'll never do this again, what have I done, someone please just cut this baby outta me!"

Then the Dr coached me on pushing, told me to reach down to feel my baby's head, and my husband's face lit up as he got gloves on to catch and he saw our son's hair. That was all I needed, just his expression of joy seeing our son. I pushed nonstop, over and over, until our baby's head was out, but immediately one doctor pushed my husband out of the way and grabbed and pulled our son out. The cord was wrapped around his neck twice. They got it off, got him breathing, and placed him on my torso, where he stayed while I delivered the placenta and they stitched me in a few places.

This baby boy, y'all. He is 6 weeks old. I can't put him down. Well, about every 3rd day I need a break, but most of the time I crave being near him, his smell, his breathing, his beautiful little sounds, his warmth.

I realized I'd re-live those 35 hours in a heartbeat again if it is what it took to get my son out safely again.

And my husband. The most amazing, wonderful daddy and husband. Being his wife, and this baby's mama, are the most important things to ever happen to me. Caring for a newborn has been so hard. The crying breaks my heart. The broken sleep. The constant pressure to pump or my swollen and painful chest when I don't. The pressure and failure to breastfeed. But y'all, when this baby smiles in my arms while he is asleep, I realize the only thing that matters is his peace and happiness. He doesn't care about any of the other stuff, just being with his mom and dad. And I know we are going to raise him in love. He is the most precious, beautiful thing to ever happen in my life. I'm so thankful to be his mom.

Father in law said this. My son is 3.5 months old. He has held him once, at much embarrassment to his wife (my mother in law).

He constantly says things to the baby like “well once you get more fun, I’ll talk to you” He compares him to his other grandchild (age 5) and how older kids are so much easier.

When they visited our house 6 weeks postpartum, he asked me what’s for dinner as I was trying to nurse my screaming baby.

This is just a rant. I never expect him to change. But I didn’t see this side of him until after baby arrived.

I get some people aren’t baby people. But I also don’t want him in my house and I feel he doesn’t want to be there either.

I have a 4m old, we worked very hard to get here through a lot of ivf and loss. I’ve been pregnant 8 times and only have the one living daughter. That alone is enough to make me be one and done.

It seems we’re hitting a bit of the sleep regression, mostly manifesting in naps being an absolute nightmare.

In the midst of now convincing my daughter to sleep… trading on and off contact napping just to get through this transitional period…

She’s cute, I love her very much and when she smiles even after screaming at me she melts my heart.

But holy crap why do people do this over and over, I can’t help but be grateful that we’re only going to do this process once.

I unfortunately have an incredibly good and vivid memory and these hard times will not just fade into the mist.