r/newborns

my husband works, 7-4pm. Baby is 7 weeks today. He has never done a night shift.

I recently was so sleep deprived my MIL stayed with us and took baby for three nights. I slept. For the first time in 6 weeks.

I realized so much anxiety I was having was due to lack of sleep.

Baby didn’t sleep well last night. Like 0 sleep. At 5:30 I woke my husband up in the spare bedroom and asked him to feed her and be with her until he wakes for work. Just an hour.

He said to me, I only slept 6 hours. I said I slept 0.

He said you slept yesterday. Because I got four broken hours of sleep.

And then he said when I get home from work you get a few hours to yourself. I don’t get that.

I’m just stunned. I take 2-3 hours I shower and sleep when he gets home.

He said he doesn’t get that. Like what did he think working and having a baby would be like.

I am so confused. He has been a terrible partner. He basically thinks he provides income so he doesn’t have to take care of us in any other way.

I’m thinking of leaving him. I’m already doing this alone.

Maybe I’ll sleep tomorrow.

I am having a few newborn struggles, I’m 10 days pp hopefully they’re all the normal teething issues (pun not intended) and not a sign I’m an awful mother. If anyone could offer some advice or experiences they’ve had and how they managed that would be great.

1. I’m struggling to balance self care and newborn care. I shower every other day which is a blessing, I’m never out of pyjamas though and I have only left the house once for a coffee, riddled with anxiety.
2. On this note I am worried about using dry shampoo with my newborn, and also more so about using deodorant, I’m worried it’ll make me smell different to him and that he’ll accidentally get some in his mouth while feeding
3. I do not feel tired, I feel EXHAUSTED. I’m talking like out of it almost ill tired. I am going to talk to my midwife about getting a blood test to see about my iron and different levels but I’m currently on two types of antibiotics, iron and anti inflammatories as well as the injection from my emergency c section
4. I do not really want to see people, apart from my mum and my partner I just don’t really want to call anyone or talk to anyone because I don’t want to say I’m struggling and then get questioned with why and receive advice about what I should be doing when I’m already trying my best
5. exclusively breast feeding is really hard, I worry that he’s getting enough, I worry about my supply, I worry about not waking up to him in the night, it’s all super difficult and I’m hoping it’ll die down but I’m in the trenches atm. Also with this, leaving the house, I am struggling to leave the house because I don’t know when he’ll want feeding and I don’t really want to just yet struggle with both hands to feed and have a muslin round me and everything.
6. There is so much to juggle. I have to make sure he’s fed, burped changed, then on top of that take my meds, make sure we’ve both had our vitamins. And now his cords fallen off I can bathe him? But when and how often does he need this, the water is hard I don’t want him to hurt. Nappy rash is awful it looks so painful but no cream is working for that. Also he’s managed to scratch his face and now I feel awful for not using his nail file earlier
7. and my final one I want to do what’s best for him, I already feel like I’ve watched too much tv around him, like I’m on my phone too much. All sorts. I think I just need to go easy on myself but that’s easier said than done!

Might be obvious to everyone else than me but just in case: make sure you regularly check ALL their folds! Like, have someone help you lift all the various chins from all sides. If your baby is as chubby as ours, it’s definitely a two people’s job!

Our baby girl was born with 3400 g and then skipped a curve in weight gain and grew real fast. Now she’s two months old and growing incredibly, which means a lot of skin folds EVERYWHERE.

Two days ago, I was changing her diaper in a cafe. Her poop made its way up her back so I took her whole body off, and as she stretched out her arm properly, I found a bit of stinky white buildup in one of her many armpits. I cleaned it off and the skin under was red and irritated.

I felt so bad and worried, tried to go to the pediatrician immediately but both him and the replacement were on holiday / already gone. I consulted ChatGPT and it said this could lead to an infection, but to check for fever first and otherwise just warm water + good drying + baby powder or similar.

Luckily baby girl had no fever, but when cleaning and treating the armpit at home, I discovered similar stuff in her chins!

Won’t even mention the guilt I felt. Luckily it went away quickly, but I talked to my husband and we agreed we’ve both been focusing on her leg folds and her bum bum way more than these areas. Don’t get me wrong, we do wash her everywhere, but she is such a chubby baby at the moment that after discovering the sore in her armpit, I even had trouble finding it again, it was so well hidden!

Will definitely ALWAYS do bath time together from now on, as one really has to kinda stretch her neck to one side and the other check and clean it, this from all angles (front, back, sides). For the armpits, one person needs to stretch out each of her arms and examine it from all angles. And then the drying!
I had to stuff bits of towel in her armpits to make sure it actually dries out properly, as that could lead to more buildup.

Anyways, just thought I’d share in case someone needs to hear this. Also happy to read about how you guys manage this and how often you bathe. My parents used to bathe us every night, while here where we live they recommend once a week only. We do twice a week, but with the summer approaching and this experience, I’ll consider bathing more often. (Of course we wash her with moist tissues during every diaper change.)

Husband went back to work so it’s just me with 9 week old all day. I mentioned it to my neighbor (age 45 ish) and she cheerfully agreed to stop over and help for a hour so I could do a telehealth appointment. My gut was skeptical since she doesn’t have kids herself and is just a …nervous person. But she assured me “oh we practically raised our niece, I spent so much time with the other family next door and their baby, etc” She keeps texting me every few days “let me know, I want to help”

Gets to our house and won’t even hold the baby. Just looks at me nervously. I ask if she is ok feeding him and go to the kitchen to get a bottle. Come back and she says “I just asked ChatGPT what to do with a baby”

Omg get tf out of my house

I miss my telehealth appointment and tell her thanks for stopping by.

We’ve known them about a year. She never gave me weird vibes but now I realize she was probably lying the entire time about her experience with kids and just wanted to…see my baby? Pretend to be maternal?

TLDR listen to your gut!

Hello, my baby is 10 weeks old and started to show signs of rolling? She would pull up her legs and hips whenever she’s on her back and even trying to roll to one side while doing this. This was quite sudden for us. We know we have to stop swaddling soon but she CANNOT stay asleep with her arms out. We tried it with naps and her hands would keep whacking herself in the face and waking her up. We are still doing shifts at night so someone is always watching her in the swaddle. How soon did your baby start to roll after they started to kick up their legs and hips? Days? Weeks? She also HATES/tries to break free from the swaddle every time but it’s the only way she can stay soundly asleep. We tried the one arm out but she would just break free. Additionally, her neck is still not that strong yet but I don’t know if you need strong neck muscles to roll? Love to hear from your experiences!

Hello all! Need some assistance! FTM here, my girl is 8 weeks old! I see everyone on here saying that their LO around this age feeds every 3-4 hours…. My girl feeds every like 2 hours…. How can I get her feeds spaced out more? During the day when she wakes up from a nap (she will sleep forever if I let her during the day, so I wake her up after an hour and a half) she wakes up, we change her diaper, if she’s not screaming for food, we try and interact a bit by playing on our kick and play, or just hanging out with each other taking to her. Then feed then sleep. If she’s screaming at me for food then I try and hold off as long as possible walking around the house, talking to her then feed her then she goes to sleep. She pretty much always falls asleep right after eating so that makes it tricky. She generally is hard to keep up for any period of time. Sometimes I can only keep her up for half an hour. HELP!

My 4 weeks old (EFF) woke up around 3am and my husband fed him 150ml. He fell asleep shortly after and I put him back in his crib to sleep. He woke up around 5.30am, a shorter time frame than usual (about 1-2hr earlier than I expected) seemingly hungry. I stalled a few minutes then tried the paci to see his reaction and he attacked it lol and started fussing and crying so I prepared him a bottle, he got increasingly hangry while waiting for it to cool down so I picked him up and tried to calm him down with contact and the paci. Then he fell asleep and now (6.40am) he is deep asleep. Before getting him back into his crib I caressed his mouth the paci and my finger but he kept it closed.

Should I have tried to wake him up and feed him?

Additional context- I am a FTM and we’ve been trying hard to get an undestranding of how much he should be eating to avoid over/underfeeding.

His birth weight was 4kg, then dropped to 3.5 in the first week since I had no milk and we have been formula feeding since then,m.

The second and third week he gained steadily (3.9kg and 4.3kg,m), this week seems like he gained much less (4.35kg). Ped suggested increasing quantities and feed him until he is full but he very rarely seems full, if we dont take the bottle away he keeps on sucking (we practice paced eating to make it last longer)… and 150ml a bottle for a 4wo seems like a lot already? However he did not gain much this week.. i am confused! Opinions?

Mi bebé de 3 meses hace ya como 2 semanas que pelea con las siestas. Lo peor es que solo duerme si está en una habitación a oscuras y con ruido blanco. No duerme en la calle, ni en carrito, ni en portabebes, ni con luz.

Alguien ha vivido algo parecido? Algún consejo. Intento todos los días dormirlo con luz y sin ruido o con luz y con ruido o a oscuras pero sin ruido, pero nada.

Esto cambia o solo me queda estar así, estoy tan cansada de estar encerrada y sin poder hacer nada, ni ver a nuestros amigos o familiares, solo en casa 😩

Ayuda por favor!!

:
Looking for some advice on what the hell is going on 😅

Baby girl is 10 weeks old, but 4 weeks adjusted.
We are FINALLY getting past some really intense evening colic (thank you gripe water 🙌), but now settling and sleep have become the struggle.

A few things going on:

Morning naps
After her morning bottle around 9am, she really struggles to settle. Ideally I try to have her asleep by 10:30/11, but she mostly just cat naps and seems overtired/frustrated.

Afternoon sleep:

After her afternoon bottle, she usually falls asleep around 1pm and sleeps SO peacefully and deeply. I usually let her sleep a little extra, but by 4pm I wake her to feed because otherwise I honestly think she’d sleep right through.

The issue is she’ll wake, take part of her bottle, fuss, then act like she wants to go right back to sleep. I’ve tried keeping her awake, but she’s miserable when I do. So she usually falls asleep n and will wake up around 6/6:30’

Then by around 6:30-8:30pm she’s usually awake again and has always had a pretty big wake window during that time. (Previous nights colic nights screaming and reflux issues)

The last 2 nights we pushed her bath about 30 minutes later and I don’t know if that messed with her sleep pressure or what, but bedtime has suddenly become REALLY hard. Normally she would take her bottle and fall asleep pretty easily.

Now: (last two nights)
• takes forever to settle
• super active after feeds
• moving constantly/grunting
• wide awake after her 2am feeding
• only really settles if sleeping on me

My Wonder Weeks app says she’s going through Leap 1.
Anyone else experience something similar around this age/adjusted age? Is this developmental?

Overtiredness? Sleep regression? Reflux?

Would love guidance on schedules/wake windows/routines that helped your babies at this stage because I feel like I’m constantly guessing 🥲

FTM. My baby just turned a month (wow). And I know everyone says it’ll get better. And I know it does. And I know it’s different for everyone. But when?

My baby currently is in the phase where we only want contact naps. And I know one day I’ll miss them but it’s hard to do anything with baby losing their mind and screaming so much they almost stop breathing ? And it just breaks my heart and my spirit a bit. But, a girl has to eat and pee and shower.

Also, maybe just struggling a bit mentally which I’m sure everyone deals with some crazy emotions ?
Like, when my baby is screaming and crying and I’ve tried all the things to calm them down and it’s not working (and if it’s been happening on and off all day) I feel like I’m failing my baby and I’m failing as a mom. Is that a ‘normal’ postpartum feeling ? My husband is worried that I feel that way. And I feel so bad that my husband and is worrying about me. Which I feel like adds to some of the mental load ? Like, I had moments where I feel like I’m failing as a mother and then my husband worrying has me feeling like I’m failing as a wife also maybe kinda ??

And my husband is fantastic. Honestly truly. He’s not doing or saying anything that’s making me feel that way or anything. I think it’s just my own mental issue I mean, Idk what I would do or how I would survive these trenches without him.

However, these trenches have been rough. And my husband did say we might just be one and done (which we wanted 2-3 kids originally) just because he said he never hears anything good about the baby. Now I’m not sitting around talking smack about my baby. Or at least not purposefully. I think I just more so try to give him updates throughout the day and usually it is after something happens (like we only want to sleep on mom. If we’re not on mom we’re screaming bloody murder) but to me that an update versus ‘we’re sleeping soundly like a perfect little angel’ and I’m aware I should/could be giving updates like that. But in my mind those aren’t updates really ? Like, he isn’t doing anything but sleeping ? So when I change his diaper and he pees all over himself I’ll let my husband know. Because that’s something that has occurred. But maybe that’s unfair.

But all of that rambling to ask when do things start getting significantly better ? Im trying to take it day by day but that light at the end of the tunnel seems pretty far away

Regularly, my 3 month old will scream until I play Welcome to the Internet by Bo Burnham. It calms him down within seconds without fail.

What weird things work to calm your baby down?

First time father here and this is rough. My baby gets these very intense gas pains where he screams like he's set on fire. It's been since birth and a constant struggle. We're at 4 weeks right now and it's taking a toll on us. Before having a child I was adamant I wanted more than 3 kids now I'm struggling to think about having a second.

After feeds he requires me to burp him (getting gas out of his mouth and butt) for upwards of 45 minutes straight. He can get the odd burp or fart out but always needs an intensive burping. Otherwise he will squirm and cry so hard I've held him in an upright position and he was able to stand up straight with perfect posture. No one is listening not even my fiance. She sees how much I have to burp him and suffers the consequences if I don't.

She thinks he just needs to feed and watches videos where people say you should only burp your baby for 5 minutes. Then we all suffer the consequences for not burping him, especially him. We can't lay him down by himself, we can't put him in a car seat, and even when he's up he may still cry. I've had some people with kids witness his screaming and say that their kids have never made those sounds. You may think I'm exaggerating but I'm not. My fiance has admitted as much but hates me for some reason.

No one is listening to me. We go to pediatricians and lactation consultants and I explain what's going on but they always reduce it to "a little gassy" or some condescending bullshit instead of actually listening. They think because he isn't screaming crying like I say it's exaggerated but they didn't see the 30 minutes of burping and helping him pass gas that I did to get him there to be calm.

No one wants to listen and my fiance is being stubborn out of spite. This makes me not want to be involved and just focus on myself.

I had my baby in the bassinet attachment on the stroller and had to roll the stroller off the curb. It was kind of rougher than I thought it would be and her startle reflex activated. Is that enough to cause some sort of brain injury? Sorry I have major PPA

I’m sure a lot of you must be experiencing this with your baby and wondering what on earth is happening !

Well mommies , first of all , it’s not you or your milk !

It’s a condition where the baby is learning to poop by coordinating the necessary muscles and is normal - yes , it happens to be an acquired skill

It’s not painful

I went through 3 months of pure hell with my newborn with very little answers and a million doubts. Being a doctor myself also did not help. So this is what I learnt

1. It disappears, suddenly , one day , whoosh , gone like it never existed

It takes time , but it’s gone , overnight

2. It’s not painful for the baby so please refrain from giving any medication, especially over the counter

3. It’s not the same as CMPA, do not follow blind internet advise

CMPA needs to be diagnosed by the pediatrician

4. It’s difficult to watch for us as parents but , this too shall pass ! Needs a lot of patience

Some things that slightly helped me though nothing really works

1. Tummy time - helps relieve gas pressure

2. Bicycle kicks - helps release gas , not going to do much to the poop though

My only advice - do not doom scroll

I’ve done that , it’s of no use

Just take a deep breath and, it will pass

Remember to cuddle your little one , trust me you’ll laugh about all the grunting one day

😀

Ps - baby born early term , at 37+4 weeks , emergency c section

my baby is 9 weeks. she’s starting to rock side to side when on her back so I wanted to start transitioning out of the swaddle. however her hands are a huge issue. she has like no control. she puts them to her face starts to suck but gets so mad that her hands are at her face it wakes her up or keeps her awake. it doesnt matter if she has a pacifier or not they always find a way there and she gets so irritated

She is 5 weeks old and I can count on one hand how many hours she has spent in her cot. We have tried three.

She will however sleep in our arms, our bed, the sofa - anywhere cosy basically!

I have almost given up transferring her to a cot/bassinet as it’s stressful when she wakes up due to her startle reflex about 5 minutes later.

I wonder if it’s just better to expect no sleep and wait for her to get used to it. But I’d love to know if your baby was like this and how old they were when they grew out of the reflex and started settling in a bassinet?

Some of my friends think the reason she won’t settle is because I held her too much. But she slept in a bassinet in hospital and then since we got home she flat out refused so I had no choice but to hold her. I’m so tired.

At 5 weeks 5 days, after a long weekend staying with family, my now 6 week baby boy surprised us by knocking out from 12am-5am Sunday evening, 12am-6am Monday and Tuesday evening, and last night he slept from 11:45-7am. I recently upped his formula intake from 4oz every 2 hours to 5oz every 2-3 hours or whenever he’s hungry (yesterday he cluster fed 2oz every hour before bed) and he would either finish the bottle or leave half to a quarter in the bottle.

Since he was born he’s only ever given us 2-3 hour stretches if we’re lucky. Normally it was every 2 hours since birth on the dot he’d wake up crying & hungry and my husband would make the bottle and I’d feed him.

Baby has regained his birth weight and then some. He was born almost 3.9kg / 8.7lbs. So he was a chonkster. He now at 6 weeks weighs 5.6kg / 12.3lbs. Hence why I upped his intake from 4oz to 5oz.

Part of me thinks his body is adjusting well to the new 5oz and he’s not as starving for his growing body like before. The irrational part of me thinks something may be terribly wrong…

He is wetting diapers 5-8 times a day and doing a good poop once a day, so he’s not showing any warning signs. He naps whenever I put him down in his Najell carrier or his bassinet only after a feed and burp. He would just close his eyes, milk drunk, and have a nap. Or he would nap on me, which he finds the most comfortable. So nothing out of the ordinary. We had his blood work done a few weeks ago and everything came back normal, no bacteria in blood etc. He also has grown out of his newborn and up to 1 month clothes almost overnight also, and he’s now in 0-3, however they’re getting quite tight almost every day.

I’ve also noticed over the last weekend that he has way more energy than before. He’s flailing his arms and legs and looking around the room, tracking me and others as they walk past him and behind him. He’s become way more aware of people & life around him. If we have conversations with him he will babble and squeal in baby replies, which again has never happened before and I feel like it’s been unlocked this weekend when my mother was talking to him constantly. It maybe unlocked a new feature of his I feel!

Has anyone else experienced this sudden literal overnight change in sleep? Does anyone know why this happens? Is he going through another growth spurt?
He wears an Owlet monitor to sleep every night, which eases my anxiety. Will this sleep last, or am I supposed to wait until he’s back to waking every 2-3 hours starving?

How long after giving birth did you have s** again?

Do you do it with the baby in the same room?

When on earth do you find time and/or energy?

Seems impossible:

During the day baby only does contact naps.

At bedtime I am way way too exhausted.

In the morning I wake up only when baby wakes up and immediately feed her. And even then I can barely open my eyes...

My grandma kissed my 20 day old baby. She knew I didn't want anyone kissing her. She kissed her on the head and I didn't say anything. Which in hindsight was a mistake. Then she kissed her on the hands. I noticed a whitehead on her chin near her lip. Not on it though. I told her no kissing the baby. My aunt chimed in saying they would when I wasn't looking. I took baby to the bedroom for a diaper change and wiped her hands with a baby wipe.

My childless aunt drove me home and she was lecturing me on how I can't protect my baby from everything. That she will be exposed to things once she's in school and if she goes to daycare. She told me to just give baby a bath when I get home. I sat in the car saying very little trying not to break down.

When I got out of the car she said again to give her a bath. I shook my head no, because bathing her will not ease my mind. She said "fine don't feel better."

As soon as I got inside I broke down. My aunt is insisting that it's just a pimple.

I called my grandma asking what the bump was. She claimed there was no bump. I said yes there was and you kissed my baby. She said I WILL NEVER KISS YOUR BABY AGAIN. Then hung up on me.

I am so terrified for my baby. I am blaming myself and I will not be taking her out again unless absolutely necessary. I was just going stir crazy and wanted to feel human. I have been struggling with my husband going back to work after a week. High blood pressure issues and my baby cluster feeding on top of that.

I feel like a terrible mother and that I have failed my baby.

Four week old keeps surpassing the wake window of max 90 minutes. Sometimes 3-4 hours awake and it’s such a pain for the both of us - I will manage to soother her enough to sleep - she sleeps ten minutes then wakes up crying again. Nothing is wrong it’s an over tired cry. Any moms with this experience? Is there something actually wrong?