So recently found out I’m pregnant and I’m only about three weeks. I’ve already started thinking of names and I’ve only got a girl named down so far. I’ll take your brutally honest opinions on this… This baby will have to live with it for their whole life so.. no pressure on me lol
Anyway,
Helena Iris- pronounced Huh-lay-nuh
Our child is 12. We gave her a phone at 11 because she needed to be able to contact us while performing volunteer work over the summer. We told her the rules of the phone would include monitoring the phone to make sure was safe and responsible and not communicating with anyone she should not. We weren’t crazy about her having the phone but she had an iPad already. She’s a super responsible kid. I do check her text messages. Everything has been fine though I did learn of a mental health concern that it was certainly valuable to learn of that I found out about only through her phone. We have followed up with that appropriately. I would like to stop monitoring her texts. It feels like an invasion of privacy and boundaries are extremely important to me. It’s point of emphasis in our home to have privacy and boundaries. How do other moms handle this?
hi! I am just needing to vent a little as I’m having a very hard time emotionally processing how my mom has shown up for me during pregnancy, pp and motherhood.
Quick backstory- I grew up with her as a single mom, parents divorced when I was 8 and my dad just decided he didn’t want to participate anymore so he’s been MIA for awhile. Thats a whole other story. My mom had I had a good relationship growing up but she did work a lot, rightfully so.
Once I became a mom, I had to set some boundaries and she has a hard time with them. Things like no candy/sugar for my 16 month old. Medical decisions we made, etc. I think a lot of the boundary setting pushed her away. She lives 30 minutes away from us, is retired and can drive has only come to our house 4x since my son has been born. She made us one meal postpartum and that was it. She doesn’t ask how I am or for pictures of my son or what he’s up to. If we want to see her, we have to go to her and it’s usually only for 1-2 hours max. I am just realizing that she doesn’t really care and it’s so painful. I just don’t know how we got here and am just in shock that she is missing out on so much. It hurts. Anyone else relate?
We brought my almost 6 year old son to Disney last week. He was so excited to fly, has flown several times before (though, not since he was 3.5), and was as excited as can be as we boarded the plane and he got settled for our flight. As soon as we took off he shut the shade on his window and went as pale as a ghost - he literally looked like he was sick so at first I thought maybe he was unwell. As it turns out, he was just *terrified*. He genuinely panicked for an hour. Screaming, crying, shaking, hyperventilating, begging us to land the plane and telling us we were going to crash. My husband is an air traffic controller and we were sitting near a pilot and they both tried to talk him through the things that were making him feel scared and we worked on helping him with breathing exercises. He calmed down after an hour or so. After the fact when we talked to him about it he explained that he loves airplanes but hates being up high and never wants to go in the sky again. The whole week at Disney he was asking us to drive home or take a train. We validated his feelings and explained to him that we had to fly home and that mommy and daddy were going to be there for him to help him through it, that we would answer any questions for him and do anything he needed for us to help him feel prepared and keep comfortable, and remind him that he is strong and can do hard things. The flight home was worse. He chose the aisle seat and he got to pick some new snacks and a new movie for his tablet, but he panicked the same amount of time, and this time once he calmed down he stayed curled up in a little ball for the remainder of the flight and displayed a big spike in anxiety anytime there was a beeping noise or an announcement. He would ask “what is wrong? What is happening? What does that mean?” and we would do our best to explain and talk him through the process or whatever he was hearing that was making him anxious.
He *studies* planes and has learned tons about how they work. We frequently read informational books about planes and aviation, he’s visited my husband at work several times, we live near an airport where we have picnics to watch take off/landings, we got see air shows in the summers, and he loves to watch the Blue Angels documentary. All this to say, this fear doesn’t stem from being uninformed or a lack of exposure. He has been an aviation enthusiast since before he could talk.
We’re supposed to fly out to California next week (less than 2 weeks after our last flight), which is almost twice as long as our flight to Florida. He does not want to fly again and has expressed anxiety about getting on an airplane again. We are going to visit my grandma and it’s no skin off our backs if we postpone our trip - our tickets are flexible and my husband has a week in August off that we could swap our trip to no problem (and there are a few different reasons it would be more convenient for our family to postpone anyway), but I’m wondering if this is something we need to push through or if it should be the thing that tips the scales in favor of postponing. I’m wondering if it would be better to postpone and have that extra time to be intentional in helping him to work through his fears and developing some coping skills so he can feel ready and confident for our next flight instead of making him dive right back in in such a short amount of time. We wouldn’t frame it as we were postponing our trip because he’s scared because we don’t want to validate his fear or encourage avoidant behavior, but I don’t want to make flying feel like a big “thing” either and exacerbate his anxieties by terrifying him so many times in such a short period of time. I’ve actually struggled with a debilitating phobia since I was a child and it has been awful, so I’m really wanting to be mindful as we approach this. We’re usually ones to encourage facing fears when it comes to the small things, but he’s scared of dying or crashing and that feels really big to me. Curious if anyone has any insight or if you wouldn’t mind sharing what you would do?
ETA: thank you to everyone who took the time to respond, I appreciate it! It’s so funny, all of the responses have been so completely different from one another but honestly that in itself was very helpful! It’s a reminder that there is no right answer, no two people or situations are the same, and is up to us to look at *our* child (the child we know best!) and *our* situation, and listen to our own guts as we make the decision that we feel will be best for our family. We’re all doing the best we can and even though there is no perfect answer, we can still do our best and figure it out as we go!
We’ve been together for 6 years and have 2 kids under 5. (1.5 and 4) I don’t think there has been a day that’s gone by where I felt genuinely happy and enjoyed my life in a long time. I constantly feel stressed, at the end of my rope, and I’m finding myself slipping into a depression at this point. My husband is literally useless, I am a SAHM and he believes that working exempts him from every household chore and helping with anything like cooking dinner or the dishes etc. the way he speaks to me is appalling, and I’m embarrassed that this is my partner. My kids see how we treat each other, and while we don’t necessarily “fight” we barely talk, there is zero affection, and it’s just sad.
I more than anything would want to just move on and move out, unfortunately I have no means to do so financially and the assisted housing waitlist is years long. I don’t want to tear my family apart but I can’t help but feel a continuous rage and frustration towards him. I have tried to separate in the past and he begged me to come back with promises of change, nothing changed, and I am so regretful that I didn’t just leave permanently. He threatened me with custody court etc and taking our son away from me. He can be extremely manipulating and abusive (not physically). I’m just fucking exhausted. I really just want to run away at this point. I needed to vent, I know there’s not much that can be done at this point, and I’m already on a high dose of anxiety/depression meds and set up with a social worker to talk. Has anyone gone through this and come out on the other side? Does parenting and the relationship get easier as they get older?
Honestly just send help 😭
I lost my mom to stage 4 cancer when I was 6 months postpartum, and I honestly feel like I’m drowning in grief.
She raised me alone and was truly my everything. She was diagnosed with cancer only 3 months before my due date. Before we even knew she was sick, my partner and I already planned for her to live with us eventually, but we needed a bigger home first.
During her treatment, we found out her apartment had cockroaches. At the time, we were living in a one-bedroom and offered to turn our living room into a space for her so she could leave there, but she declined because she didn’t want to intrude.
Most of my pregnancy became working full time while also taking my mom to appointments, advocating for her, sitting in emergency rooms, and trying to prepare for becoming a mom myself. That continued after my daughter was born too.
We finally moved into our new house and got my mom moved in on Sunday, April 26th. We officially handed in the keys to her apartment that Thursday. Friday morning, I found her dead in our new home.
What makes this even harder is that she seemed okay. She had stomach issues from chemo, but Thursday night she made dinner for us and everything felt normal.
Now I’m trying to navigate being a new mom while grieving the biggest loss of my life. I don’t know how to do both at the same time. Sometimes I can barely look at my daughter without my heart breaking because she won’t grow up knowing her grandmother. My partner’s mom also passed when he was young, so it feels especially heavy.
I also carry so much guilt about my mom living in that apartment during treatment, even though we were actively trying to get her out and into our home. I replay everything constantly.
I know losing a mother is devastating at any age, and I knew her illness was terminal, but the timing of all of this has completely shattered me.
I think I’m just looking to know I’m not alone. Has anyone else gone through losing a parent during pregnancy or postpartum? How did you survive it?
Single mom in a suburban neighborhood here. My nine-year-old has been pushing for more independence lately, and the latest request is to walk to the bus stop by herself.
The walk is about a six-minute stroll. There are sidewalks most of the way, a few driveways, and one quiet street crossing. I can see the first half of the route from our porch, but not the actual stop. It is not a busy road, though some drivers cut through the neighborhood in the mornings.
She can be surprisingly responsible. She sets her own alarm, can make her own breakfast if I lay things out, and remembers her library books more often than I do. Still, she is nine and mornings can be unpredictable.
We did a few practice runs together, went over not getting into anyone's car, talked about what to do if she misses the bus, and where to wait if it rains. I also tucked a small card into her backpack with my number and a neighbor's.
Today was the first day I stayed home and watched from the porch instead of walking with her. She looked so grown up and so small at the same time. I spent the next ten minutes staring at the clock like it was my job.
Moms who have done this, how did you decide it was time? Any practical safety routines that helped calm your anxiety without making your kid feel like you are hovering?
To be clear it is NOT my child posting these videos but she is showing me what this child is posting and reposting. As an adult seeing a kid post about depression and self harm I feel like I need to contact the parent, however, I do not know her and have never met her. This is more of a school friend or friend of a friend to my child and they are not that close. I do have the mom’s phone number from a past group chat but I’m not sure how to approach the topic as an essential stranger and want to tread lightly about such a sensitive topic.
Should I reach out to mom myself, the school, a friend that knows her mom better than I to have that conversation?
We are on our final two days of first grade. The year flew by. I am struggling for two reasons over the end of the year. First, I have a hard time every year, just the thought of him getting older and not being “little” makes me emotional. I feel like I want the time to stop for a little. Don’t get me wrong, I love to see the little person he’s becoming and don’t want to deter any of it, but I have a hard time as a mom. I am a very emotional person when it comes to him, he’s my only child. I get sad thinking about when he will stop doing “little kid” things and do “big kid” things.
Second, he goes to a private school which is about to close at the end of the year for good. I have been having a very hard time with it as it was abrupt and we loved it there, it was like a family. He’s handling it very well, but I cry when he’s not around about it. I feel like I’m losing a piece of him somehow, it’s bizarre even typing it. Then you throw in the stress of having to find the right next school and worrying about making the wrong choice.
All that to say, my momma heart is really heavy and I honestly am feeling more sad then I think I should be.
Hello!
I am almost 3 years post partum and this morning I had a weird tingling sensation in my breast. Squeezed it and some drops of milk came out. Nothing too crazy. It’s the same breast that I kept getting mastitis in. A few drops came out of my other breast as well.
Is this normal?
Edit: I want everyone to know that I read your comments and I really appreciate everyone's opinion and for anyone that has dealt with this before or lost a loved one due to something similar. My deepest and honest condolences.
We sat down last night and had a very honest conversation about it. I think I had been harboring a lot of feelings other than anger and this post helped me get it all out with him.
I know a lot of people had questions about depression and things like that. There is a lot of history there with his upbringing, and he is on medication for both depression and anxiety. And agreed to therapy for his overall health and relationship with food. We just need to figure out the financial aspect of it.
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This is more of a rant than anything so sorry for people that hate seeing spouse posts but I'm just so tired and want to scream.
My husbands employeement has a DOT certificate requirement. And for those that aren't familiar basically anyone driving commercial trucking has to pass a DOT physical to ensure they can safely operate vehicles on the road. Which is completely understandable.
He's been at his job for 6 years and the last 2 years he was told that there were several concerns they had that boiled down to his weight. Primarily the fact he needed to use a CPAP for a certain percentage of nights.
Every 6 months he went for his re-eval and every 6 months the clinic would give him a temp extension on the principal he would fix said concerns. I.e lose the weight and no longer need the CPAP or just use the damn thing.
I knew it was going to hit the fan one day. I told him until I was red in the face to exercise, diet, do f-ing ANYTHING to make effort and a.) get better for his own sake and ours, and b.) not lose his job.
Well today it finally happened and they refused to renew it. His company has no positions that allow to operate without a DOT, we're solely down to my income, and we're absolutely screwed.
He's beating himself up and says he feels bad enough without my anger but I can't help but not give a single F at this point.
did anyone else experience this???? does anyone know why? I mean my son was/is an absolute angel and I just hate the way everyone acts like my daughter is going to ruin my life or something… are daughters really that bad?!
My husband has always had a short temper, but since having our baby, I’ve realized just how serious it really is.
Right now, he stays home with our 3-month-old while I work as a nurse three 12-hour shifts a week. Every single day I’m at work, my phone is constantly blowing up with messages about how “horrible” our baby is. And yes, our baby is difficult right now — he cries often, wants to be held constantly, only wants contact naps, and still wakes every two hours at night to eat. He’s a baby. He’s learning how to exist.
But instead of support, I spend my entire shifts being told everything our baby is doing “wrong.” I already struggle with postpartum anxiety, and my husband knows that these messages make it worse, but he doesn’t seem to care. He says he’s just “venting” and has every right to. He’s called our baby a demon and said he’s made his life worse.
What hurts even more is that to everyone else, he acts like the perfect dad. Nobody in my life truly knows what I’m dealing with behind closed doors. I feel like I’m suffering in silence. I cry on the drive to work and the drive home almost every shift.
Lately, I’ve become so overwhelmed and depressed that I’ve caught myself not wanting to be here anymore. The only thing keeping me going is my baby — because I refuse to leave him.
I don’t really know why I’m posting this. Maybe I just needed to finally say it out loud instead of holding it all in.
I'm feeling really emotional about this so please be kind.
My husband and I put the house on the market a few months ago before the Iran fiasco, inflation, and interest rates doing crazy things.
From the beginning I felt very conflicted about selling but my husband wants to lower our cost of living. He has really bad financial anxiety to the point where he struggles to treat himself or spend money on things that we need even if we have it in the bank.
We are selling a home that's in a rural area, the right size for our family, has a new kitchen, carpet paint, large detached garage on 1 acre in the western mountains. It needs a deck, exterior work, and 2 bathrooms. We can do 90% of the work ourselves.
The idea is to move too a suburb in the city that has better access to homeschool/extra curricular activities and a lower mortgage. After running all of the cost of living numbers yesterday if we are able to sell for the right price and buy at our target price we will be saving maybe $600 a month.
Living in the mountains was our dream, uprooting our family, moving to a suburb to maybe save $7,000 a year doesn't seem worth it.
I have a negative visceral reaction every time we get any sort of interest in a house, , and my stress level is through the roof just at the thought of moving even though on paper it's a marginally better financial decision.
I've built a beautiful community up here for myself and the kids, my spouse hasn't because he traveled for work quite a bit the past 2 years. We lack amenities up here because it's rural but the people are amazing and the peace and quiet, plus slower pace of life has been really good for our mental health.
What would you do? What sort of factors am I missing in this equation?
I’m about to sound insane so pull up a seat.
It’s my one night of the week I actually have a minute to myself so tonight I went to my favorite Mexican restaurant with my best friend and got a couple margaritas.
I came home and checked on my kids (8, 5, 3, and 1) who were obviously asleep but I wanted to see them anyway. Now here I am and I cannot stop crying.
They are just the most important thing I have ever done in my life and they are so pure and so innocent and so beautiful and so perfect to me.
I spent most of my life not wanting to be around anymore and tried to make that happen more than once (before I had kids and medication) Now I stand here and think about everything that I would have missed out on.
Getting the first positive test that completely changed my life and mindset in a single moment. Feeling them kick for the first time. Hearing that first cry and seeing the doctor hold this actual HUMAN up to put on my chest for the first time. The instant bond. Then watching them grow up and their milestones breaking my heart and making me happy at the same time. My kids are absolutely hilarious and we spend all day laughing.
I just cannot believe I almost missed out on all of this and I’m so happy that I didn’t. Love is not a strong enough word for what moms feel for their children.
When I picked up my son at school yesterday, I saw on the board of what they were doing that it said “orbeez”. My immediate thought was “aren’t orbeez water beads?” but then I thought to myself that there was no possible way they’d be playing with water beads and that orbeez were probably something different. I told myself that I was being crazy to think that’s what they would be playing with because these kids are 3 and 4 years old. When I got my son, I asked the teacher about it. I asked if orbeez are water beads and when she said yes, I asked what they did with them. She said they used them in a sensory table and I think I must have looked horrified because she asked why I was asking. I told her that they’re extremely dangerous and that I would have never allowed my son to be around them. She asked why they’re dangerous and I told her that they can enlarge 100x their size, cause a blockage, and kill a child. She had no idea. I’m honestly horrified that a preschool did not know this. I’m further horrified that an email was not sent out to let other parents know that if any child shows any signs of illness after yesterday to take them in after they were informed about the risk. I’m feeling so uneasy about all this. Any of these kids could have so easily ingested one. It makes me wonder what other dangerous things my kid has done/ been exposed to there that I have no idea about. He’s signed up to go again next year and now I’m totally spiraling. Am I crazy for being so upset about this?! I mentioned it to another mom and she literally said “so?” !!
I’m not sure if this is really the right sub for this question, so forgive me if it’s not. I follow a homeschool, stay-at-home military spouse mom who used to babysit my kids until our schedules changed and we no longer needed childcare.
She constantly posts and reposts reels about how homeschooling is so much better, all the benefits of it, and how parents who send their kids to school are basically lazy or taking the “easy way out.”
I don’t understand why some parents act like sending your child to school automatically makes you a less involved or caring parent. A lot of us work, have different family dynamics, or simply feel traditional school is the best fit for our kids.
Why does it seem like some homeschool parents look down on parents who choose public schools?
I wished her a Happy Mother’s Day recently but after the latest repost, it made me stopped interacting with her posts and actually muted her on social media.
I hit the “Not Interested” button on as many of these posts that get shoved in my face as I can, but they still end up on my algorithm.
I was talking to a good friend of mine the other day, a fellow mom. We got on the topic of retirement. We've known each other forever so I just asked "what do you and *husbands name have saved for retirement? She said about $950k...We are all 40 years ago, I have 2 kids and she has 1. They live in a smaller house then us and I guess I thought they just had less financially. My husband and I have about $250k saved for retirement and thought we were doing well.
As parents the possibility of retirement seems ever out of reach for us. Contributing more right now isn't an option. At this rate I feel like I'll be working until I'm 70...
Editing to say baby has been discharged and is recovering well at home!
A rant-- vaccinate your children I beg you.
My 4 month old is currently hospitalized with chickenpox. He is miserable and so upset. Guess what? Babies do not get the chicken pox vaccine until they are 12 months old, so he had no chance.
He had no known exposures. He just started daycare last week and they require vaccines.
It is heartbreaking watching your child be hospitalized and be in pain. I wept as they placed the IV and cathed him for a urine sample.
If you are vaccine hesitant please just ask yourself a few questions. What would the end goal of some grand conspiracy of harmful vaccines be? The government does not like taking care of sick people. If you are afraid of needles, how many needles do you think will go into your hospitalized baby?