r/Mommit

My three year old daughter got incredibly sick early last week, there was a moment i thought I’d lose her. We saw three different doctors, back and forth over days before the 3rd doctor finally identified her illness and started treatment on Sunday. Things got scary, and she is barely starting to improve today while in hospital.

I saw all this to say, this last week there was a lot of times I was saying my daughter’s name and other people were saying her name.

I liked my daughter’s name during pregnancy, during delivery I wasn’t so sure anymore but my husband liked it. I thought maybe I was unsure because of the magnitude of the moment and later I thought it was postpartum emotions.

However today, 3 years later I feel embarrassed when people say it. I wish I named her differently but it’s too late. I won’t say her name but it’s a gender neutral name that leans more masculine, while my daughter is petite and sweet and it just doesn’t fit her. I’m scared she’ll be made fun of in school, I worry people judge me for her name.

After the scare from her sickness, I feel profound sadness for her name. I cried last night before bed and today I feel distraught and just removed from happiness. I’m sure almost all of this is from the emotions from my daughter’s illness but I know part of this to be true.

How do I accept her name? A middle name isn’t an option, it’s her family name and reads like a last name, think Sanchez or Johnson.

Anyway. This just felt nice to write out. It doesn’t feel so heavy anymore

I feel gross even writing the title. Basically, my husband has a hot, much younger and very engaging coworker. We have always had a solid marriage, but I am 7 months pregnant and feeling insecure.

I know they have worked at the same company for a couple years but it’s a large organization and their paths haven’t crossed frequently. She sort of became his direct report a few weeks ago, and since then I have noticed a few changes from him that I’m trying not to freak out about. I’ll try to list them in order of time.

My mom passed away a few weeks ago. This is right around the time coworker was assigned to him. I noticed a few work texts come in on his phone from her and they were very friendly, I noticed he started using the ♥️ reaction to her messages, which he doesn’t even do with me.

I mentioned something, then he started turning his phone off in the evenings.

A week or so after my mom passed, we were at lunch with our daughter. I paid for lunch with her, returned to the table. When I approached from behind I noticed he was looking at a gold heart necklace on a website. He quickly closed his phone.

Right after we left, I clarified that we weren’t getting anniversary gifts this year, right? (First time trying this out) and he immediately responded no. As though he hadn’t even been thinking about it.

Our anniversary happened recently, but we had guests over and we talked about how bummed we were that we wouldn’t be having sex that night but promised to when the house was empty a few days later.

That day he cut his hair, which sounds silly, but he truly only cuts his hair like 1-2x per year - for weddings etc. the rest of the time he’s a wild man. This is the second haircut he’s had since working with her.

The night of our anniversary, we were actually surprised with an empty house. That was not in the cards, so we went for it. I realized immediately that he had shaved down there and felt my face go numb.

Again, I know that sounds ridiculous, but this man has not so much as TRIMMED down there for SIX YEARS. It is a literal jungle and honestly I’ve never minded. I was so surprised and couldn’t help but start to put all of these assumptions together and immediately stopped having sex and told him I needed to go to sleep. He knew something was wrong but we went to bed anyway.

The next day was a work day and we both felt thrown off from the night before. We talked about everything right away, but I didn’t specifically mention her. I did mention the necklace and expected him to say he was considering it for our anniversary or something, but instead he completely denied ever looking at women’s jewelry.

I didn’t know what to do with that because I specifically remember what it looked like and felt the need to clarify our agreement about anniversary gifts.

I’m just overwhelmed and probably crazy, and I know a lot of this behaviour is probably normal for most marriages. But none of this is like my husband and I am at a loss with how to handle it or approach it. He assured me nothing is happening, and I think I believe him. But I can’t help but feel he is very attracted to his coworker and I’m freaking out over this. I’m about to have our second child and I know I will not be in a better place about it postpartum.

Our sex life is amazing. We have sex nearly every day and it’s fucking adventurous. I try so hard to be a healthy and loving partner. I prioritize our marriage and our family over everything and he always has too. It’s why I chose to have children with him. But now I don’t know how to handle all of this.

Sorry for the wall of text /rant

I used to think having a WFH job would be the dream. You get to not waste time commuting, do minor chores and you don't have to wear a bra??? Brilliant.

But I've found it to be worse for me in a lot of ways.

1. I have no real break. I wake up, be with the kids until I bring them to daycare. Then I come home, shower, then log into work. My husband does pick up so when I log off work, I'm instantly in mom mode until bedtime and by that point into 830. I do clean up and then I have like maybe 45 minutes of "down time" and it just doesn't feel like enough

2. I'm more "available" while at work. If the kids are home I can hear them. They're tantrums, arguments or just general noise. Or my husband will come in and ask questions or chat.

3. My human interaction is limited. This is more specific to my job I guess but I don't talk to anyone casually during the day like I would have if I'm in the office. It's limited to focused meetings and it really isn't the same. This makes my interactions limited to my husband and kids outside of work. And it feels really isolating.

It's like I have the downsides of a SHM (isolation and limited break) and the downsides of a working mom (not seeing my kids and the stress of work).

This is really just a vent and to see if any other WFH moms feel the same.

Im a FTM and had my baby in March and my in laws have visited twice - once in June and again last week.

The June visit was a disaster. My in laws are pretty oblivious and entitled and controlling and my husband has only just opened his eyes to a lot of their more problematic behaviors very recently. I was left dealing with them and the baby by myself while my husband spent all his time in the garage working.

So this time around I made an iron fortress of boundaries before their arrival to ensure a more peaceful trip. For one, we did not host them in our home but instead had them stay at a hotel a couple blocks away and they were not permitted to hang out in our home for hours at a time. I even told my husband that I reserved the right to participate only as much as I was comfortable with and I wasn’t planning any outings for them. He said he understood and agreed.

When they were on their way they texted us saying they are going to drive straight to our house but we said no - baby is teething and fussy and needs rest.

They initially said okay but then shortly after my FIL texted saying he was still coming straight to our house because they took a long trip to see the baby and would help her feel better. My husband pushed back and said no again.

The next day we met for brunch and spent some time together in our home which set me on edge as hours went by. The baby was predictably fussy and unhappy and uncomfortable. My MIL was holding her at one point and I was observing the different ways she was trying to comfort her before ultimately deciding to step in to soothe her. But my FIL stepped in front of me and asked for my baby instead and told her “opa hates this noise it’s getting on my nerves”.

He tried a few things to soothe her as well and when she got even fussier and louder he raised his voice loudly said said “NO” which shocked me and the baby and my MIL into silence. I looked at her and then him and he said to my baby “that was opa’s stern voice and you will be hearing it a lot”. At that point I stepped back in and told him to give me my baby and he refused saying “no, no, no”.

My husband had just entered the room at this point and stepped in and took her and handed her to me and I immediately left. He told his parents when we ask for the baby they give her back without hesitation and they said okay. Later that evening I told my husband FIL yelled at her and he is no longer allowed to hold her.

I guess sometime during the night he asked his dad if he yelled at our baby and he said “no, I raised my voice”. My husband said it doesn’t matter we don’t do that, you don’t do that. Apparently at this point my FIL didn’t say anything but my MIL chimed in and said yeah she looked at me because she knew I was going to say something when it happened but I was so shocked I didn’t know what to do.

In the past I have dealt with so much with managing my in laws and I finally told my husband it’s not my job to constantly communicate boundaries with his family and he needed to step up. He did for the most part of this trip but I feel like he should have done more in this instance because what my FIL did was totally out of line.

At this point my trust in all of them had eroded to nothing. What kind of adult yells at an infant? Much less one that they already knew was having a hard time?!

TLDR: FIL yelled at baby for fussing because he said he hates all the noise. Refused to give my baby back when I asked for her. Then didn’t acknowledge or apologize at all for his poor behavior afterward and husband handled the situation but I’m still very upset.

I’ve seen some people admit (and I’m genuinely not judging) that they have 3 kids but wished they stopped at 2. Can you share some reasons why if you’re comfortable?
Everyone always says the 3rd baby is the easiest and fits right in but I’m not convinced.

Parents of Reddit, do you include a warm bath as part of your night time routine, and have you noticed if it helps your baby sleep better?

it finally happened, today he grabbed me and dragged me and shoved me to the floor. My 4 year old was screaming at the top of his lungs, saying stop, and crying. I was trying to grab my phone to call the police, but it all happened so fast I was in shock after and just scooped up my older child and made sure he was okay. My husband later justified his actions saying he thought I was “doing something to our son in the bathroom” which I very clearly wasn’t and would never do anything to harm him. He was crying because he didn’t want to have a bath.

Not sure where this leaves me, not sure where to look, realizing I should’ve left years ago, but I’m stuck now. Shelters are full, and none would take me and my kids and my dog. I’m at a loss.

Hi everyone!

I found out I was pregnant last month and unfortunately had an early loss. Even though it’s something I’ve wanted for a while - as soon as I realized it was real - I was overwhelmed with worry. There’s so many negative stories and experiences around motherhood online and it all came rushing to me. I’m still trying now but can anyone help me with some positive experiences/stories? I’ve always wanted to be a mom and I’m so excited. I know it’s not all sunshine and rainbows but I’ve heard it’s the most fulfilling and rewarding thing.

Thanks in advance!

So, I'm currently in vacation with my husband and our newly 2-year-old. We are staying in a small holiday village near the beach with all meals included. I had been so looking forward to this holiday as a chance to have a break from the mental load, some time as a family, as well as some time as a couple because there is baby club included.

Well, color me naive because since day one we have been that family, the one with the toddler who cries, the parents trying to get their kid to eat and sit at the table and are just clearly always at their wits end. I'm honestly just embarrassed and sad. I never wanted to be that family with the uncontrollable child or who catered to them, and this week it just feels like I don't even recognize our family anymore and the way we operate.

What's even worse is that my son is usually a very easy toddler. At home, he sits at the table and eats what I give him with his utensils. He doesn't throw fits or food or anything. I've always been really proud of the fact that he has a varied diet and eats well. I was very intentional with how I approached feeding and it felt like it had paid off until now. It's like his entire personality changed. I get that it's a new environment and all of that, but it's so night and day and I don't know what to do.

I just sat at a table making small talk with the family next to us (whose daughter was sitting and eating perfectly) and tried to act like everything was fine despite my son spitting out half of his food (half-chewed), my husband getting increasingly angry, and them both leaving for bed only to come back again then leave again. I was so annoyed with how my husband was handling the situation but also didn't want to fight then and there.

I'm literally hiding right now because I'm so embarrassed and my husband is putting son to bed in our room.

Oh, and the other family knew who my son was because he apparently has the reputation as the boy who cried a bunch at the baby club and had to leave early (we tried leaving him twice and both days went to get him less than an hour later because he was too upset). So, no we aren't even getting breaks when he is being looked after because he won't tolerate being away from us.

The cherry on top of all of this is that the food is pretty bad (when I even manage to eat since I'm also wrangling my son). I guess I won't gain weight so silver linings.

It is such a sad and lonely feeling. I'll be fine tomorrow, but today, it's just depressing.

I feel like the worst mom in the world today. My kid started school and we have been hyping it up for awhile as it’s a new school so we wanted her to be excited. Well today was the day and this morning was a disaster and it’s all my fault. Starting off with getting ready, my 4 year old would not cooperate while getting dressed, getting her hair done, nothing. She was just bouncing off the wall and making everything so hard. My 4 week old was crying and fussing so my husband was trying to deal with that. Then it came time to take the first take of school pics and she again would not chill out and just take a picture and I literally snapped and said forget it and just tossed the little sign down and stormed inside. I just wanted a cute picture and to have a good morning and everything felt impossible. My kid got upset because I got upset and then of course i immediately felt horrible. She got over it almost right away but it’s been eating me alive all morning. I do not want to be the mom that ruins special moments. I’m trying to chalk it up to exhaustion because I have a newborn and a 4 year old but I’ve been feeling like such an asshole version of myself lately. Any tips on how to be better? How are we regulating ourselves? I came from an emotionally explosive house hold so that’s NOT how I want my kids to grow up.

Someone needs to make a silicon sun hat for kids. Both my kids went through the collander obsession. And whats worst is they don’t even manufacture these colanders anymore! It almost makes the perfect hat.

My husband thinks its because cotton can be itchy. 🤷‍♀️
Im going to declare us Pastafarians, all hail the church of the flying spaghetti monsters.

“What does it smell like? Is it bad?”
“Yeah it smells like armpits”

…she’s 4?! Geez kid sorry that I’m 36 weeks pregnant and trying to stay alive slash sorry my mornings are dedicated to getting you up and ready for school instead of showering right away!

What did your kid say today that was inadvertently insulting 🙃

There are lots of posts about mom friendships and how hard they are, but haven't seen anything quite like what I am experiencing.

I have been trying for a couple years now to find my mom tribe. I have friends from pre-baby who are childless by choice as well as others with kids. But I realized with my "mom" friends the relationship lacked something -- geographic proximity, values alignment, whatever -- or I just felt us drifting like we're in such wildly different parenting circumstances it's just too hard to relate.

So I started searching for other mom friends to fill the gap, thinking eventually I'd find the perfect mom tribe. I tried Facebook groups, meetups, the Peanut app, and chatting with strangers at the library or playground. I made some "friends" but no one was checking all the boxes, especially in the department of reciprocity. Everyone relies on me to be the planner and sustainer of friendships, the emotional laborer. Unfortunately I have ADHD and I am probably hitting perimenopause with all my hormonal and emotional highs and lows so it's all a struggle to rely on me like that...

So I stepped back. I dropped ALL the balls across all the relationships this year. I also set some direct boundaries in certain cases. It was freeing. And I collected that data. And not a single person picked the ball up. Or, the people picking up the ball just aren't moms I really vibe with.

I can keep searching but I feel like I am hitting a wall and just need to "accept" people for who they are. Maybe I have one mom friend who is always down for a coffee break... as long as I plan it. Maybe I have a childless friend for the times I need to get away. Maybe I keep one mom around just because our kids get along and if we are bored I can set up a playdate. Maybe I have to guard myself against my longer term mom friends who I feel I have drifted from, but for now it is nice to have a couple people I can go "deeper" with if really needed because of the shared history while the rest of this is somewhat surface level.

The one thing I can't wrap my head around is how EXHAUSTING this is. Like first it's exhausting maintaining everything for everyone. Then, getting through the acceptance phase and realizing others won't pick up the ball consistently and that my mom unicorn friend idea is a myth is mentally exhausting. Is there a happy medium?

Anyone try this approach in just accepting everyone for who they are and having different friends for different purposes? Did you ever have your mom unicorn meet cute happen once you stopped looking? Help a girl dream!

This is worse than dating, I swear!

I have 4.5 year old twins and 12 month old twins. This last year has been extremely challenging. The older kids have been the hardest they have ever been. Significantly harder than the babies. We have tried so many things to try to bring peace in our family, with little to no impact. To be honest, my husband and I have grown impatient with the lack of sleep and relentless poor behavior. My daughter has sensory processing issues which makes her volatile and the rest of us have been worn down by the emotional rollercoaster.

Tonight, I pulled the big kids aside for a brief 2 minute conversation about choosing love. I said all 4 of us (mom, dad, and older twins) need to work on choosing love for how we treat each other. We gave a few examples of what choosing love looks like.

Holy cow! It is like I flipped a switch. They have gone out of their way to be loving tonight. When issues came up (ex: accidentally breaking someone's magnatiles), a quick reminder of "how can we choose love in this situation?" led to everyone treating each other respectfully. They have gone out of their way to be loving to everyone.

We have worked endlessly on emotional regulation strategies, affirmations, extra attention, social emotional learning books, occupational therapy, etc. And then this 2 minute conversation somehow had the biggest impact of them all. I know this isn't a magic pill and we will certainly have more work to do, but this has felt like we have new kids.

Did anyone else find themselves more anxious about their own health after having kids?
I have 21m old twin daughters. I’m now expecting our third and find myself suddenly pretty anxious about my own health and upcoming delivery. Probably because I have kids now and feel like I have “more” to lose.
I did also have cancer when I was 20, so that probably heightens it for me.

Im not sure but I’m wondering if it’s because I have kids now, or maybe it’s just pregnancy hormones messing with me? Any insight?

I made the mistake of falling for the pretty aesthetic of the Freshly Picked diaper bag. I kept on staring at all throughout my pregnancy, picturing how perfect it would be since I wanted a diaper bag that looked closer to a purse backpack. Against my better judgement, I ignored it being so much money for it not even being real leather. As embarrassing as it is to admit, social media worked on me lol, I REALLY wanted that thing.

Fast forward a year to reality. That thing is FRAYING and the front flap got ripped. The “vegan leather” is peeling because of course it is. The snaps can be flimsy sometimes. Though functional, it does not look nice at all anymore. I do love the inner pockets though, as I hate digging.

While we did use it heavily as we do a lot of walking and take public transit, I expected it to last longer than a year. I’ve never had a normal backpack or purse crap out on me like this so fast since…these things are supposed to be used in daily life! If anything a baby related item should be more durable! And we only started traveling like that six months ago when we moved to a city that has amazing public transit! Prior it was car travel and it would just go from car to destination.

Thankfully, it was a gift from my baby shower so I didn’t buy it. But I feel really bad now since it was such an expensive present and now I have to replace it after just a year. Learn from me please, I’m a dummy.
😞

he never has accidents at daycare, only at home or on the go. but at home and on the go it’s like 4-6 times per week!!

it has been literally TWO YEARS of this. tonight we were at a brewery and I took him to the potty two times(at his request) to pee! then he pooped his pants 10 min later. this often turns into a battle with whichever parent has to clean him… he ran away and struggled to avoid being wiped, then melted down.

we have tried everything: bribes, charts, timed sits, a fiber supplement, staying zen, letting him see us get frustrated, making him clean himself, a potty watch and NOTHING WORKS. he says “I didn’t want to stop playing.”

pediatrician said it’s normal and just ignore it/wait it out. He has no signs of neurodiversity, just wild and stubborn boy

we have not tried negative reinforcement, I guess that’s the only thing left to try… maybe no chocolate chips (his favorite treat) until he is reliable.

i don’t think it’s encopresis or constipation or withholding. because he is 100% potty trained at daycare! And has no problem pooping there.

has anyone been here? Please send hope lol.

My mom died 4 years ago when my son was 9m old. It was unexpected from itp. It feels like she’s died yesterday, I have her last moments seared in my brain. I’m so angry - it’s not fair that she isn’t here. It’s not fair that other kids get a grandma and mine doesn’t. I’m jealous. I’m full of pain. I don’t know what I’m doing - I just need strangers to know my thoughts without judging me. She adored my son. She was an amazing grandma. We had a terrible relationship before my son. It went from abusive to controlling. I’m losing myself without her. I started smoking weed all day to not feel the pain. I stopped on Mother’s Day because I was going thru major depression. It feels like I can’t breathe.

It feels like she is on vacation and will come back. I don’t feel her anymore. People say she is watching so all she sees is me being a failure and drowning. I wasn’t the daughter she wanted me to be - I was wild and full of anger. She tried to beat discipline into me. I stare at my son (4 yrs old) and I wonder when she started hitting me. I can’t imagine doing that to my son. I wonder why I wasn’t enough. Why she couldn’t just see that I needed to be loved after being abandoned by my father. Why she couldn’t be the mother I needed? Why am I so angry? Why does it all have to be so complicated? Why can’t I just accept she is gone? What’s wrong with me?

I don’t care that she was able to save others with her organ donations. In fact I’m so fucked up I didn’t want to donate her organs. I wanted all of her. I don’t even dream of her anymore. I wonder if she abandoned me or if she realized that I’m a disappointment.

The only part I get right in my life is being a mom. I’m raising a sweet kind human that reminds me that kindness is always the right way even when I’m upset at someone. He even scolded me cause I yelled at a teen to slow down on our side street that was driving 50 mph. I wish he was able to meet his grandma. I just miss her. I want her here. She missed me changing jobs and buying my first house.
She missed his first words and how smart this little boy is.

I go to therapy and I’m a broken record - I just keep saying I want her here. I send her message on fb messenger. I know she doesn’t have fb messenger anymore but it’s compulsive. I need her to know I haven’t forgotten her. She is the best and worst parts of me - I’m a fighter and wild still - just like she was. I scream when I’m all alone in my house cause I feel the emptiness she left.

I’m not a danger to myself or others.

Hi moms. I know there are already a ton of posts across Reddit about toddler cups for transitioning from the bottle, but I can't seem to find one that addresses my current mental pretzel. We've started the bottle transition for milk with the NUK Learner Straw Cup, but I’d like to eventually transition her to a more “regular” straw cup (with NO VALVE) sooner rather than later for oral-motor development.

For context: She will drink water out of the regular straw cups with no issues (such as the EzPz or Olababy cups) but won't do it for milk - so it's not that she doesn't know how to, but rather just preference right now. I'm trying to get ahead of it as peds recommended she's on regular straw cups fully by 15 months for proper oral development.

What I’m looking for (in USA): •True/free-flow straw that doesn’t require strong suction •No one-way/no-spill valve inside the straw (the type that makes them suck harder to get liquid through) •Ideally has handles •Spill-resistant; can be tilted towards mouth to drink without it completely spilling out •Straw cover for sanitary purposes

Does this exist?! Am I overthinking the oral development piece and rushing this?

Appreciate the help!