u/Ama36

I lost my mom to stage 4 cancer when I was 6 months postpartum, and I honestly feel like I’m drowning in grief.

She raised me alone and was truly my everything. She was diagnosed with cancer only 3 months before my due date. Before we even knew she was sick, my partner and I already planned for her to live with us eventually, but we needed a bigger home first.

During her treatment, we found out her apartment had cockroaches. At the time, we were living in a one-bedroom and offered to turn our living room into a space for her so she could leave there, but she declined because she didn’t want to intrude.

Most of my pregnancy became working full time while also taking my mom to appointments, advocating for her, sitting in emergency rooms, and trying to prepare for becoming a mom myself. That continued after my daughter was born too.

We finally moved into our new house and got my mom moved in on Sunday, April 26th. We officially handed in the keys to her apartment that Thursday. Friday morning, I found her dead in our new home.

What makes this even harder is that she seemed okay. She had stomach issues from chemo, but Thursday night she made dinner for us and everything felt normal.

Now I’m trying to navigate being a new mom while grieving the biggest loss of my life. I don’t know how to do both at the same time. Sometimes I can barely look at my daughter without my heart breaking because she won’t grow up knowing her grandmother. My partner’s mom also passed when he was young, so it feels especially heavy.

I also carry so much guilt about my mom living in that apartment during treatment, even though we were actively trying to get her out and into our home. I replay everything constantly.

I know losing a mother is devastating at any age, and I knew her illness was terminal, but the timing of all of this has completely shattered me.

I think I’m just looking to know I’m not alone. Has anyone else gone through losing a parent during pregnancy or postpartum? How did you survive it?