u/am_i_pergnart

We brought my almost 6 year old son to Disney last week. He was so excited to fly, has flown several times before (though, not since he was 3.5), and was as excited as can be as we boarded the plane and he got settled for our flight. As soon as we took off he shut the shade on his window and went as pale as a ghost - he literally looked like he was sick so at first I thought maybe he was unwell. As it turns out, he was just *terrified*. He genuinely panicked for an hour. Screaming, crying, shaking, hyperventilating, begging us to land the plane and telling us we were going to crash. My husband is an air traffic controller and we were sitting near a pilot and they both tried to talk him through the things that were making him feel scared and we worked on helping him with breathing exercises. He calmed down after an hour or so. After the fact when we talked to him about it he explained that he loves airplanes but hates being up high and never wants to go in the sky again. The whole week at Disney he was asking us to drive home or take a train. We validated his feelings and explained to him that we had to fly home and that mommy and daddy were going to be there for him to help him through it, that we would answer any questions for him and do anything he needed for us to help him feel prepared and keep comfortable, and remind him that he is strong and can do hard things. The flight home was worse. He chose the aisle seat and he got to pick some new snacks and a new movie for his tablet, but he panicked the same amount of time, and this time once he calmed down he stayed curled up in a little ball for the remainder of the flight and displayed a big spike in anxiety anytime there was a beeping noise or an announcement. He would ask “what is wrong? What is happening? What does that mean?” and we would do our best to explain and talk him through the process or whatever he was hearing that was making him anxious.

He *studies* planes and has learned tons about how they work. We frequently read informational books about planes and aviation, he’s visited my husband at work several times, we live near an airport where we have picnics to watch take off/landings, we got see air shows in the summers, and he loves to watch the Blue Angels documentary. All this to say, this fear doesn’t stem from being uninformed or a lack of exposure. He has been an aviation enthusiast since before he could talk.

We’re supposed to fly out to California next week (less than 2 weeks after our last flight), which is almost twice as long as our flight to Florida. He does not want to fly again and has expressed anxiety about getting on an airplane again. We are going to visit my grandma and it’s no skin off our backs if we postpone our trip - our tickets are flexible and my husband has a week in August off that we could swap our trip to no problem (and there are a few different reasons it would be more convenient for our family to postpone anyway), but I’m wondering if this is something we need to push through or if it should be the thing that tips the scales in favor of postponing. I’m wondering if it would be better to postpone and have that extra time to be intentional in helping him to work through his fears and developing some coping skills so he can feel ready and confident for our next flight instead of making him dive right back in in such a short amount of time. We wouldn’t frame it as we were postponing our trip because he’s scared because we don’t want to validate his fear or encourage avoidant behavior, but I don’t want to make flying feel like a big “thing” either and exacerbate his anxieties by terrifying him so many times in such a short period of time. I’ve actually struggled with a debilitating phobia since I was a child and it has been awful, so I’m really wanting to be mindful as we approach this. We’re usually ones to encourage facing fears when it comes to the small things, but he’s scared of dying or crashing and that feels really big to me. Curious if anyone has any insight or if you wouldn’t mind sharing what you would do?

ETA: thank you to everyone who took the time to respond, I appreciate it! It’s so funny, all of the responses have been so completely different from one another but honestly that in itself was very helpful! It’s a reminder that there is no right answer, no two people or situations are the same, and is up to us to look at *our* child (the child we know best!) and *our* situation, and listen to our own guts as we make the decision that we feel will be best for our family. We’re all doing the best we can and even though there is no perfect answer, we can still do our best and figure it out as we go!