r/beyondthebump

I can feel it, I have no idea what I'm doing wrong. when I ask her why she's talking to me like that she says that she isn't.

I do help with the baby but I leave for work at 4:30am so I have been sleeping in a separate room after 9pm. which leaves her to deal with the multiple night wake ups alone - which I feel terrible about but I can't stay up much longer without being a danger on the roads (1 hour commute). I also work a somewhat dangerous job where I can't be showing up exhausted.

on weekends and after work I help as much as I can, but I feel like this has been pissing her off even more. I try to put a lot of effort in while I'm home because I really wanted to be a good dad, and have a fear that I will suck at it.

Ive gotten really good at settling and nappy changes etc all the easy stuff. but at the end of the day I can't feed her (breastfed) and that's 90% of the reason the baby is upset.

last night she told me she doesn't trust me to settle the baby she didn't want me to touch her when she started fussing, and refused to go to sleep as she was wanting to supervise me putting her to bed at 3am. So I told her that defeats the point of me helping her and I'm basically up for no reason? which was not taken well.

we had a fight last night where I told her how I was feeling and that I felt that she has no room to love me anymore - which honestly I understand she is busy and her hands are litterally and metaphorically full. but it's heartbreaking for me. I ended up sleeping in the spare room and not helping at all which probably has made things 10x worse.

We never fought like this and we're extremely close only 8 weeks ago.

What do I do / what am I doing wrong here. my gut tells me to give her space but my brain says opposite

All I wanted is to be a good dad

My partner went to a wedding yesterday and spent most of the day in bed after. When he woke up I gave him our daughter so I could get to the things in the house - which I enjoy doing when I have time. When it was time for bed I took her back.

The WAY she beamed and smiled at me. I could tell she was so happy to see me, despite the fact I was in the same house already. I told her it was time for bed and she got excited. I did our little night time routine and put her in her bassinet.

She began smiling, crying and falling asleep (and fighting sleep). She was doing glute bridges and making a straining sound. I tried to feed her and she got upset but she seemed happy in my arms so I tried to rock her to sleep a bit. She put her baby hand up towards me and I brought my face to her. She put her hand on my cheek and she smiled a big gummy smile.

She pushed herself off me and went horizontal which always means she wants to lie down. It then clicked with me that she wanted to lie down on the bed together.

We lay down facing eachother and she put her little baby hand on my face and smiled and babbled so much before she finally fell asleep.

This girl is a week shy of being 4 months old. I’m a FTM and I’ve never experienced love like this. I wasnt expecting that she would be capable of expressing so much love so soon.

I don’t know how my heart can actually handle more and more as her communication develops. I’m so in love with her and I know she loves me too. I guess my heart will grow with her to be able to handle all the love she has to give 😭💛

My son is almost 6 month and 21 pounds. Is almost outgrown 12m clothes and hes in size 5 diapers. I can understand why he's in 12-18m clothes because he is a very large boy, but I wish they just used weight instead of months. Diapers are the craziest because they DO go by weight but the sizing is so off. I feel crazy! We are currently using Freestyle which fit larger than other diapers I've used, but according to the size chart he should be in size 3 (14-24lbs) when hes actually in size 5 (28-40lbs). I feel like im using diapers wrong but I used to change diapers as a profession. Please tell me im not alone in this. Why are the sizes SO wrong???

My only thought is, my son is very large for his age and has HUGE thighs, so that may be the biggest factor in diaper sizes currently.

Anyone else’s eyesight get worse after pregnancy? Granted I’ve hardly been wearing my glasses but pre pregnancy / even throughout my pregnancy I only really needed them for driving and work. I swear I’m blind as a bat now (and especially outdoors in the bright light?? I like see little dots??) Is this going to get better or do I need to make a visit to the eye doctor and get my prescription upped 🥲

My baby is 15 weeks.

My husband was a rockstar through pregnancy and early postpartum, then at the six week mark, things changed. he struggled with our baby growing and changing, my needs changing, and family drama - he withdrew and i was in survival mode, parenting 24/7. things got worse (both between us and with his family - which was super tough on him but he took it out on us in the sense of not being present or available) then better, we've both been in therapy but he still does things (however well-meaning and thoughtful) that trigger me and send me into a rage. He does have his sleep needs and personal time needs met (while I do NOT), but has struggled to parent our child (both in grasping the amount of work, watching our baby for cues - ie cuddling if he hurt himself, or not revving baby up when he’s tired, stepping up, and easily frustrated / overwhelmed). my rage and anger towards him just seems to get stronger and stronger. am I alone? What helped you?

I want to preface this by saying my mom is a wonderful grandmother and I trust her implicitly. My LO is almost 5 weeks and I’m a single mom. My mom doesn’t want to stay at my house as I’m in a one bedroom and she prefers her own space and surroundings. Twice now, I’ve let my mom keep my baby over night so I could catch up on sleep. I really appreciated her doing that. But every time she brought baby back home, baby was extra fussy and didn’t sleep even more than the usual and I felt awful that baby just wanted snuggles. Like she knew she was away from me and that was hard on her. It was hard on me too. It didn’t feel natural to be without my newborn. But I knew I was dangerously sleep deprived. Now every time I even mention that we didn’t sleep great or that LO is having a hard day, my mom says, “well I’ll just come take her for the day so you can rest.” Which is very thoughtful. But I’ve tried saying things like, “maybe you can just sit with us for the day?” Or, “why don’t you come over and help me with x & x” and she responds how she would prefer to just have baby at her house. I can’t really rest at my moms as she’s got 3 cats and 3 dogs and a lot going on lol. I also have my own dog at home. I also found out she took LO to meet an elderly neighbor of hers and didn’t tell me. I found out through my aunt. And my mom also mentioned letting my baby sleep on her stomach “supervised.” It just feels like she’s not telling me important things when she does keep her. And I miss my baby so much when she’s gone. Even when I am sleep deprived. I guess I don’t know if I’m wrong for feeling this way. Or if I should just take the help I’m offered.

How are we breast feeding in public? Are we using covers or just letting it all out? I feel like the cover is so difficult and I’m struggling to keep my nips covered when latching and when baby pops off.

My son will be eleven months old on the tenth of this month. We started blw a few months ago but at first could only get him to eat bananas, strawberries, and snacks. I followed a redditor’s advice and took away the snacks but his food choices are still so limited. I got him to add meat to his diet but that’s it. He will only eat bananas, strawberries, meat like chicken, meatballs, ham, and pork. He refuses to eat noodles and any kind of veggie. Am I doing something wrong? He will eat them in puree form but not blw form.

My 14 month old is currently in hospital after we came in to emergency to check on a worrisome fever and runny eyes, and now we’re at day 5 after he tested positive for RSV, rhinovirus, parainfluenza and bronchiolitis. He was born with complex meconium aspiration syndrome and early onset sepsis, so this whole experience of being back on oxygen and watching him deteriorate daily has been mentally and emotionally damaging.

We’ve been really lucky to have such a good team in the pediatric ward, and until last night, they allowed both of us to stay overnight. Upon admission, we were never told that only one of us could stay with him (I now am aware that is very common practice), but it was told to us by the rudest nurse who told us at 10:30pm that one of us had to ‘get out ASAP’. Later on in the evening she complained to my partner that I was the one who should’ve stayed because our son is more settled with me, and he didn’t sleep at all last night.

Fast forward to tonight when we are having observations done and my son got really upset. He rolled in to me (I am sleeping on the hospital bed with me for peace of mind because he continuously stops breathing and needs comfort. We have just stopped co-sleeping at home but I’m scared out of my mind). I gently rubbed his forehead and she snapped at me and told me to leave him alone because I’m only making things worse and that I shouldn’t be comforting him at all because I’m just overwhelming him.

Im at my wits end right now. I’m still battling PPD, I have C-PTSD from his birth and our NICU stay and being thrown back in to the hospital it happened at is sending me spiraling, I have mum guilt for sending him to daycare and he got sick, and now I can’t even speak up for myself or my son, who I just want to comfort because he can barely breathe right now.

I’m sorry for the rant, or the vent, this is just ridiculous.

UPDATE: nurse came in for next set of observations and openly comforted my son while taking his blood pressure, scolded me for leaving him in just a nappy even though we needs to have his bare abdomen monitored to watch work of breathing and spoke to me THROUGH my child when she saw my hand touching his leg and said ‘mum needs to leave you alone so you can sleep and get better’. She isn’t wearing a name badge even though it’s a legal requirement in our state so I’ve recorded what scrubs she wears and am writing notes with quotes and timestamps of everything that happens.

Before pregnancy, my metabolism was always decent. Even during pregnancy I did not feel like I overindulged (I also had GD). After I gave birth, I lost the weight I gained but since then I have gained it all back and some more! Everything I read says this is normal for breastfeeding mom’s but my baby had always been formula fed and is almost a year old now. Any one else relate?

It is really disheartening obviously. I expected some weight fluctuation but not this much. I honestly have always been just naturally small and petite so going from a size 2 to a size 8-10 has been hard. and yes I know some would still kill to be this size but I am really looking for my feelings to not be minimized :(

Me and my husband have this recurring doubt that since our kid (21 months) needs a snacks or meal every 1-2 hours when she's awake, is it because I spoilt her by offering her something to eat every time she was fussy?

For background, my kid has always been an intense feeder. Even as a new born she fed every hour or less. As suggested by our paediatrician, feed on demand was the best way to go, so I breastfed her every hour till she was 6 months old. When I started her on solids, I slowly introduced a new meal every alternate week over a period 6 months to the point that she eats a snack or meal every 1-2 hours. Her meal/snacks frequency is constant till date. I don't think it's because she eats less because no matter what quantity she eats or what type of food I feed her she usually gets hungry again at the end of 2 hour mark and starts asking for milk (her association of anything to eat).

Also, she does breastfeed 3-4 times in the day and the night feeds are from 0-3 times.

Do anyone else have a similar case or something that I can possibly fix in my weaning journey?

Dear friends,

Currently 3AM and I just “washed” 4 bottles in my brezza bottle cleaner and made a bottle for my baby all in 32 seconds. Second time mom and I wish I had these first go. The price definitely discouraged me but the second I found out I was pregnant with baby number two I started saving for them. I guess the moral of the story is, buy them. Worth every cent.

Love,
a tired mom of a newborn and 2 year old.

My mother is completely overstepping her role as Grandma. She acts as though she has the same permissions as a parent and assumes she can do whatever she likes and does not respect my boundaries.

This is my first baby and the first grandbaby ever.

I’m not great at standing up for myself or telling people ‘no’. Especially, because I know my mom just loves the baby, and is expressing that, it makes it harder to tell her off. Each individual action isn’t too bad, but it’s a very cumulative effect.

Main examples:

- when early postpartum and learning to breastfeed, I would leave the room. Mom kept insisting that it was fine, I wouldn’t be judged, I could feed anywhere and she didn’t see breasts as sexual. I had to tell her several times that *I* was not comfortable with it.

- Following me into other rooms while breastfeeding and asking to look at baby

- Touching or kissing baby’s feet and hands while breastfeeding

- Constantly hovering behind, and touching baby, no matter who is holding her

- Playing with baby during diaper changes (I snapped at her during this and she stopped)

- Constantly stroking baby as I am trying to do something. My hands knock into hers as I adjust clothes, clips, harness etc.

- Coming into my bubble to kiss baby sleeping on my chest. Right in my cleavage and her glasses hit my face

- Told her one time that baby had a long night so she express shipped a book on fussy babies

- Texting excessively and panicking if I don’t answer

- Deeply sniffing baby

- Making comments that ‘baby fits perfectly on me’ ‘it’s like she was made for me’

- Almost calling herself mama, ‘come to ma- nana!’

- Hugging fussy baby before giving her back when I asked for her

- Keeps drawing attention to fact she used to have babies “aw, I’m not even holding her and I’m still swaying! i guess you never lose it!” (says this all the time)

- I allowed kissing and she is CONSTANTLY kissing her. All the time. Literally, 20 times in an hour visit. It’s icky.

- Brother held baby when I left the room. She fussed and mom praised herself for not taking the baby, and only helping brother readjust. Why would you take baby, unless he asked? You’re not her mom??

- empathy-bombs me, pushing me to admit how hard it is because she has a need to be the supporter

- taking away from my ftm experience. She got to do this several times already, I want to figure it out myself!

- guilts me if I try to take a single weekend off from visiting and sends sad faces and texts when she is missing baby

The final straw was when my aunt was visiting. I didn’t want to embarrass her so didn’t say anything, but am kicking myself now.

Baby hasn’t had her first roll yet and was wiggling in the direction mom was facing. Mom went on to say, “oh, if you roll to me, I will be soo happy! I would lord it over your mom FOREVER. Yes, I would!” She went on for several mins about this.

Then, she was saying, “I chose Nana because it’s easier to say than Grandma (dad’s side). So, when we ask who the favourite is, you’ll say Nana!”

I thought those two things were absolutely wild to say and am still shocked.

As one-offs, none of these things bother me. My brother has touched baby’s toes during a feed. Other Grandma has said baby smells good. Etc etc. But every visit, my mom does ALL of these the ENTIRE time.

I don’t want to visit my mom anymore. I am constantly positioning myself away from her, barely let her hold her, cover baby up. When I feed baby, I am now confident enough to feed in public. But when I go visit mom, I have to lock myself in another room on another floor because mom is so invasive.

When I was freshly post-partum, I thought I just had raging mama-bear hormones. But over the weeks, I’ve slowly put my finger on why she bugs me so much. She acts as though she has the same permission as me. Like, she has the same access to baby as me.

She cannot watch and enjoy baby from afar. She is always right beside whoever has her and is constantly touching her. She inserts herself into every moment, no matter how intimate. I feel like I am in a competition with her every time I visit.

We are 4-months post-partum now, and I have absolutely had it. I haven’t seen mom since the “roll to Nana!” thing, but I am psyching myself up to start setting firmer boundaries. I’m making little scripts.

The first is the kissing, because it genuinely gives me ick. When she gives an extra kiss, I am planning to say, “We’re going to start having just one kiss for hellos and goodbyes!”.

If she says, “I can’t help it!”, if I’m feeling sassy, I’ll say, “yes, you can!”.

I’m also practicing in the mirror saying, “I’ve got her!” for when mom hovers or touches.

I need help with more ‘lines’ though! I need help coming up with easy to say boundaries that I can have ready to go, so I’m not on the spot.

I do not want to ever leave baby alone with mom, even when older, because I don’t think she would respect my role as mom. I think she’d take ‘firsts’ for herself and steamroll any boundary. So, I need to nip this NOW.

I am having trouble because my mom had a lot of kids. My dad worked a lot. She had no ‘village’ and had a rough post-partum. So, I know she is giving me some of the support she wishes she had. I know she just loves the baby and is expressing her affection, and it’s not coming from malicious intent. I am also worried to damage our own relationship.

But, also, I am TIRED of being uncomfortable, so SHE can be comfortable. Time to turn the tables.

Help pump me up!

My family is on a weekend trip with our 18-month-old daughter. This is actually our first trip since she was born because we’ve always been nervous about traveling with her. Once she starts crying, she’s often very difficult to calm down, so we kept putting off traveling until now.
Unfortunately, she started showing cold symptoms on the first day of the trip. Today is our second day. She hasn’t had much of a fever and has generally been in good spirits.
Around midnight, she woke up and started crying. After around 3min, we heard a very loud bang on our hotel room door. It was forceful enough that it sounded more like someone kicked or slammed the door than a normal knock. Right afterward, we heard someone quickly walk away down the hallway (maybe next room), and then we heard another hotel room door close. They didn’t knock again or try the door handle. It scared me and didn’t know what to do other than hurrying up and get her Tylenol which I didn’t have, so I gave her gum pain reliever instead, hoping it would help.
We’re not sure if it was an angry guest who was frustrated by our daughter’s crying, someone who had the wrong room, or something else. We really don’t want to switch rooms because she finally fell asleep after a rough evening.

Has anyone experienced something like this? What would you have done? We were both just frozen b/c we didn’t know what to do and trying to calm down the baby. We wanted to take her outside to walk but we were afraid it’s midnight and carrying a crying baby across the hallway seems like a bad idea. I called the front desk to see if they had Tylenol for babies and they just apologized that it happened. I didn’t really know what else to say so I just hung up.

UPDATE:
Thank you all so much for the support, concern, and advice. Reading everyone’s comments really helped us realize that the hotel should have done more.
The next morning (it was our last day there), my husband and I went to the front desk. We told them about what happened last night, and that we called the front desk last night. We asked them to escalate it to management, and we plan to follow up in a few days to make sure they actually did. If they don’t take appropriate action, we’ll be escalating it to corporate.
To be honest, it scared the hell out of both of us. We were traveling for the first time with our 18-month-old, and in the moment our brains just kind of shut down. We froze and honestly weren’t thinking clearly enough to know what we should do next. We were just trying to comfort our daughter and keep everyone safe.
I also think it took our little one longer to calm down because she was startled by someone forcefully kicking our door in the middle of the night. Thankfully, nothing else happened, but it was definitely a frightening experience that we won’t forget.

First pregnancy was smooth, no issues (minus public symphsis dysfunction). Gave birth at 40+3 in 2024.

Had a chemical pregnancy Aug. 2025

Had a missed miscarriage Feb. 2026.

Thought I was pregnant last month since my period was 5 days late only for it to be a case of late ovulation.

Diagnosed with antiphospholipid syndrome last month.

Now, it's day 28! Was intimate all throughout my fertility window....just for my period to show up this morning just as I was about to take a pregnancy test. UGHHHH.

As title says. My second one is just as high needs, always unhappy and sleeping only 30min naps. Exactly how his big brother. Now I have a high needs toddler and a high needs baby and I feel like I have been cursed. My mothering experienced is so hard and I feel so tired. My toddler goes to daycare but otherwise I have no village. It's hard not to be resentful of others. Anyone else in the same boat? I have to day my second was a preemie so I naively thought that the hardest part was over and that the universe owed me an easier time this time around.

TW: death

i (28f) have a colonoscopy scheduled for this upcoming week. it’s not necessary, but i originally wanted it for peace of mind due to some problems i’ve been having, and the colorectal surgeon said we can do it so i can get an all clear.

i didn’t really think about how i might be anxious to go under. i do have health anxiety, but i feel major impending doom about this procedure. i am terrified to go under and not wake up. please don’t say, “that’s always a possibility”, because i know it is.

my husband and i have not made a will yet. i’m so scared that something might go wrong and i can’t see my husband or baby boy (almost 8 months) anymore. i know this is a very typical procedure.

has anyone gone under general anesthesia after becoming a parent? did you have a will at the time? did you have to deal with any anxiety about it?

ETA: thank you for all of your responses, i guess i assumed i would be under general anesthesia. it’s my first colonoscopy, but I’ve had 3 surgeries in my life. one of his coworkers just passed away, only a year older than me, for something that was supposed to be a small removal of something, (not from going under), but it’s really been messing with me.

My hair texture has changed 180 degrees and it feels like it's not gonna go back to normal anytime soon. It's super frizzy and unruly , I just look like a ragged fat doll. I hate how I look because of my hair and I don't know if it's a permanent change after pregnancy.

Fellow mama's who went through this please hit me up with all your advice.

I am almost six months postpartum with my first baby, and I still regularly think about the interactions I had with the doctor that delivered my son.

I gave birth on a weekend, and my doctor’s office has a rotating call schedule for weekend births to allow the providers regular weekend time with their own children/families. I hoped and prayed that my own doctor (a female) would be able to deliver our son, but I went into labor on a Saturday night and delivered on Sunday, and she wasn’t working that weekend. The doctor who was on call is an older male with five-star reviews and is well-respected by the community, so I was confident I was still in good hands. He said a lot of things to me that made me feel like crap though!

My water broke, I had zero contractions for hours, and I was starting to develop a fever, so I had to be induced. I was SO scared with it being my first and all the horror stories you hear about pitocin (spoiler: it was fine, 10/10 doing that again electively!), so I opted to get an epidural early to spare myself the unrelenting contraction hell I was anticipating.

The doctor came in to check on me, and says, “I hear that you got an epidural, you must’ve been having some pretty bad contractions?” to which I responded, “Nope, I am a baby when it comes to pain, so I just went ahead and got it.” He. Was. Pissed. He said, “Well, now, baby’s not coming til tonight!” and left. Whatever, I didn’t think much of it because all I could think about was the fact that I’ll be birthing a literal child soon. If anything, I honestly WANTED a long labor so I could mentally prepare for the fact that, today, I WILL BIRTH A LITERAL HUMAN OUT OF MY VAGINA. I was having an existential crisis. I was so scared!

Well, hours pass, and it’s time to do some practice pushes. Doctor is in the room. I don’t really feel any pressure to push yet, so I was trying to figure out what to do without any guidance from my body. I do a couple pushes, and all the doctor says is, “That’s a good way to tire yourself out,” in a snarky tone. I’m sorry??? I’ve never done this before?!?

Pushing continues, and I finally start to feel some pressure that makes pushing more intuitive. As I’m resting between contractions, he told me, “the mark of a good epidural is still being able to feel pain, it’s supposed to make the pain more manageable.” I just nod. Baby arrived perfectly healthy, I made it out of labor unscathed, no tearing, and almost entirely pain-free, like I hoped. It was a beautiful rest of the day!

I feel like he was shaming me? I was too in the zone to care about what he said in the moment, but six months later, it bothers me!

I can’t believe his first birthday is at the end of the month! So happy to have breastfed for almost a year but really wanting to wean for a number of personal reasons (wanting to start meds, wanting to be able to “garden” for stress and pain management, wanting to be able to maybe get some sleep back, hoping to lose weight since I actually gained BFing). My son LOVES the boob and still nurses 4-5x a day on top of solids 4-5x a day (and he can eat quite a bit). He hasn’t had a bottle in a few months (I’m home most of the time so usually no need) but doesn’t usually take more than a little bit of liquid from a straw cup.

He goes to bed around 8 but wakes very early (between 3-5 am) to nurse regardless of how much he’s had the day before. I’ll try to comfort or distract him with toys, solids, straw cups, free crawl time and sometimes nothing but the boob works.

He’s teething rn and so he’s nursing even more! I was really hoping to start dropping feeds by this point or within the next month but it seems impossible right now. I’m not sure if there’s anything I can do to deter him from the boob. He’ll fuss and cry until the boob is pulled out.

Looking for any tips / advice for what worked for you and your boob fiends!