r/beyondthebump

Our child is soon 1,5 years old. My partner (dad) stated the other day that it's really rare and weird that we haven't had a babysitter and spent a single night at a restaurant or movie alone together yet as a couple since birth. We've spent countless nights up after bedtime watching movies and having one-on-one time, often interrupted by wakings, granted. We only really have my mom living nearby. She babysits maybe once a week but it's mostly during the day and mostly an hour or two because it's demanding and our child is very attached to me (mom) especially.

I said that if I knew our child was fine and felt completely safe, I would of course go out for a movie or a restaurant when my mother was watching her, but I would have a hard time being fully relaxed, which he says bothers him and makes him feel like I don't care enough about our relationship.

He said that he thinks it's about my control issues and that he wishes I put our relationship before our child at least once. These words astounded me. Is that a reasonable, fair need? To me that sounded completely wild and my desire to spend one-on-one time with him dropped significantly. Do y'all do this?

I’m 9 months postpartum with my second baby and still breastfeeding. I recently had my first cervical screening/Pap and was completely caught off guard by the results.

I tested positive for HPV-16 and my cytology came back ASC-H (atypical squamous cells — cannot exclude a high-grade lesion). I’ve been referred for a colposcopy.

I’ve been with the same partner for 9 years, so initially I was really confused about the HPV result, but I’ve since learned that HPV can remain dormant/undetectable for years and become detectable again later.

I’m obviously anxious about the ASC-H result and wondering whether being postpartum and breastfeeding could have affected how my cervical cells looked. I understand that low estrogen, hormonal changes, inflammation, etc. can sometimes affect cervical cytology, but I also know HPV-16 needs to be taken seriously and followed up.
Has anyone else had an abnormal Pap/HPV result while postpartum or breastfeeding?

What did your colposcopy/biopsy end up showing? Did anyone have ASC-H that turned out to be normal or only mild changes? If they found CIN2/CIN3, what happened next?

I’d really appreciate hearing other moms’ experiences while I wait for my colposcopy. The waiting and uncertainty are honestly the hardest part right now. ❤️

I’m feeling some type of way right now. My cousins baby is 10.5 months and my boy just turned a year yesterday. My cousin sent me a video today of her son walking and told me he had started walking this past weekend after my son’s bday party. My boy has taken a total of 4 steps in the past 2 days. I know I shouldn’t feel any type of way about this because all babys are different but I can’t help but be in my feelings. Now I’m anxious for my boy to start walking, when at first, I was so chill about him not walking yet.

Just came here to vent. Wondering if any other parents have been in the same boat as me. 🐣

My friend (FTM) has had a lot of anxiety around eating and choking. I totally get that. But she has yet to introduce her son to solids. He’s 17 months old. She only gives him purées. He hasn’t even had berries, fruits, or even softer foods like baked sweet potato. Everything is essentially in baby food form.

When anyone tries to talk to her about this, she brushes it off like it’s not a big deal, that there’s no rush to eat solids, and that she buys all organic purées that give him all his nutrients.

I don’t think there’s much I can do to influence her at this point, but I’m asking whether I’m overreacting about how I feel. The whole situation makes me feel sad for her son and I feel kind of… disturbed(?) by it.

Looking for perspective on whether delaying solids for this long is within the realm of “normal” ???

Hello, this feels like the dumbest question, but I'm really struggling to figure it out. My wife and I live near San Francisco, where it doesn't get super cold. However, we love to go up to the mountains in the winter where it is very cold with lots of snow. We have a 3 month old baby. Our friends gave us a one piece snow suit that should fit him this winter, but it doesn't have feet. What goes on the feet??? I'd love to put him in the snow to wriggle around and do his thing. Should I just get fleece booties or something? Will they not get soaked? The idea of something staying on this dude's feet at this point is laughable, but maybe his feet will gain substance by 6 months? Cold weather homies please help me out.

My 1 mo old baby girl is growing out of newborn clothes because she is so long and never wore 90% of the brand new clothing we were given. It’s all summer time shorts, tanks, tshirts, etc. But she has pretty much lived in footie pjs. She was a preemie and keeping her warm has been a priority. She has thin long limbs so not much fat on her at all meaning that being in an air conditioned house, she’s got to be fully covered.
Also she’s a summer baby and some people gifted 6 month/9 month size summer clothes, I guess they didn’t do the math???
Is this typical to have sooo much unused clothing? I feel bad getting rid of all this adorable stuff without having used it but hopefully we can donate it to a good cause. Why does this frustrate me so much?

My 4 week old is a velcro baby. My toddler is 2.5. My husband just left for 5 days to attend to family matters out of state and I am here feeling glued to my couch.

I've broken every screen time rule to keep my toddler at bay, and my 4 week old wont let me put him down, he wants to constantly nurse or be held.

"Just get out in the sun, you will feel better." "Get the boys outside they will be fine" Yesterday I tried to take them both for a walk alone and even that felt like chaos. A simple walk with my toddler not listening well, trying to stop in the middle of the road, stepping over shattered glass on the walking path (thanks local assholes) and a dog charging at him behind a fence and scaring the crap out of him. All while baby fussed and cried (luckily he did stop after a while).

My village is very small with nearby family all very busy and preoccupied with work and other things...I feel like such a failure, im so tired, I feel so alone. Idk how my neighbor who has 2 toddlers and a newborn is outside in her fenced in back yard letting the boys run loose.

Why cant I be more like her? Why do I feel scared to leave the house without help and force my very bored toddler to stay stuck inside? Im so sad for him. Poor newborn cries and fusses over the smallest things and always needs my nipple in his mouth :(

Going from 1 to 2 is WAY harder for me, than 0 to 1.

I’m in my third trimester and really struggling with whether to have a planned C-section or attempt another vaginal birth. I’d especially love to hear from people who had a 4th degree tear and had to make this decision with a subsequent pregnancy.

With my first, I needed a forceps delivery because of fetal distress and ended up with a 4th degree tear. Recovery took a while, and my biggest concern afterward was whether I would have lasting continence or pelvic-floor problems.

Thankfully, I’ve been fine for the most part since then. During this pregnancy, though, I’ve started noticing some continence/pelvic-floor symptoms again, which is making me much more nervous about potentially causing additional damage.

My biggest priority is avoiding another severe tear and protecting my long-term bowel continence/pelvic-floor function. I’m less concerned about which option has the easier short-term recovery.

My current OB is comfortable with me attempting another vaginal birth, but doesn’t have a lot of experience managing subsequent deliveries after a 4th degree tear. She does not use forceps, which makes me feel somewhat better since the circumstances and assisted delivery with my first may have contributed significantly to the tear.

However, I also saw a pelvic floor specialist who felt that, given my history, she personally would not risk another vaginal delivery.

Part of me thinks my first birth involved unusual circumstances and that a straightforward vaginal delivery this time could be completely different. The other part of me thinks I’ve already had a 4th degree tear, have been fortunate to maintain relatively good function afterward, and am now having some symptoms during pregnancy. I’m scared of taking another chance and ending up with permanent continence problems.

For anyone who has been in a similar situation, what did you choose and how are you doing now especially a few years later?

My FIL had promised us while I was pregnant that he would be paying for a whole year of nanny as a gift for us. We live in Midwest and not an extremely high cost city. However now we have hired a nanny he is saying he has no funds to pay it (I believe this is a lie) as he is still taking lavish vacations. Now I have to end up paying for the nanny. do I have the right to be upset? As now our whole child care strategy has changed..

My wife (F36) and myself (M36) started to try for having a baby and while reading about the process I found this sub. It is very interesting to understand the reality of this chapter, but I barely see any man here. Also, I feel that lots of sad things I read here are about the man not being part of the process or the load on the women. I definitely want to learn more and make sure to know when my wife will need me the most, but it would be nice to read some men POV to be honest.
(Sorry for my English, not my mother tongue).

I feel like I need to have a little rant about the myth that “traveling with baby is so easy”. The amount of times I’ve been told things like, “now’s the time to travel!”, “make the most of mat leave and take some big trips while she’s small”, “this will be the easiest that it ever is to travel with her - just wait until she’s a toddler”.

My baby is 4 months old, we’re on our second international trip to visit family at the moment, and we’ve just cancelled the third trip that we were supposed to go on in October because it’s just not fair on her. I’ve also said we’re not booking any more trips this year. But I feel like some people (family who haven’t met her yet, people I know who had very easy traveling babies) are making out like this is a selfish (even lazy?) decision and that I’m somehow taking opportunities away from them or my baby by not doing more.

Maybe my baby is particularly sensitive, I don’t know. But every time we go away, her little body, spirit and mind just get zapped. Her sleep goes out the window - we had a 7 hour sleep day yesterday when she usually gets 12-13, she didn’t poo for 48 hours when she’s usually a once a day gal, and she’s so much more fussy. It breaks my little heart for her and I feel like an evil parent putting her through it 😓 Not to mention that I’m also 10x more exhausted than I would be at home. On top of that, when we get home, it takes her about 5 business days to readjust. And this is despite us doing all we can to keep her comfort and emotional regulation at the absolute forefront.

We’re going to enjoy the rest of the year at home, and anyone who wants to meet her can come to us. I just wanted to let this out in case anyone else is feeling pressured to go on trips/“make the most” of their mat leave/see family in faraway places, etc. Do what’s best for your baby ❤️

FTM: Brought our bundle of joy home two days ago. He was born 5 days ago at 37 weeks due to gestational hypertension.

Both of us are recovering and healthy. Literally the past 5 days have been the most beautiful thing I think I’ve ever experienced.

My partner is doing amazing, always here if I need something. We are soaking this time in as a family of 3. He took a week off work.

Problem is, I can’t stop crying. When I looked into it, the internet said “baby blues” Does anyone have experience with this?

It’s not particularly sadness, but it’s also not all happy cries. I can look at my baby and start crying. I can look at my husband and start crying. Mainly it feels like gratitude, but I’m scared because it feels SO out of control! It will happen on a switch. Then I can’t get the “water works” to turn off. Feels like there may be some grief of pregnancy there or also our sweet hospital stay.

Any advice would be appreciated. I didn’t really expect this to happen.

My baby is a boy, and I never second guessed myself until just now about how I change his diapers. I always wipe him down, even when it’s just pee… because I’m a lady, and that’s what I’d do for myself. I think I’d do the same if I had a girl baby… mostly because I’d be paranoid about a UTI for a girl.

But for a boy… it never occurred to me until today… am I just doing this automatically because it’s what I do for myself, as a woman? Or do most people use a wipe on a boy when changing a pee diaper?

(Edit: I’ll be honest, I feel like I was channeling Carrie from Sex and the City when I wrote that last bit. Like when she does the voiceovers for her newspaper column like it’s some groundbreaking question… lol.)

Today my husband was fondling me from behind and being all goofy while I loaded the dishwasher. He pulled my pants down and fondled more then pulled them back up. I am 4 month pp so my tummy is loose it hangs and has stretch marks and is my biggest insecurity. It is normally tucked into high waisted pants but when he pulled them back up it was hanging out. He turned me around to kiss me before I could adjust them and when he looked I me he said ew why does it look like that. It was absolutely devastating… He immediately tried to take back what he had said but you can’t take it back. Now all day he is all touchy feely and calling me hot and sexy trying to fix what has been done. He keeps trying to bring me snacks which is absolutely the last thing I want. I just want to cry every time I think about how he looked and sounded when he said it. He says it was s joke and I’m just being sensitive I just feel disgusted with myself and don’t know how to move on.

I had a psychiatric episode about 3 weeks ago and my husband decided the kids weren’t safe around me and moved them across the country to be with his family. I get micropsychotic episodes (if you look in my history, you can see I have a history of psychosis, starting from postpartum on). I had an episode that focused on the baby (had a really scary delusion about her) while my husband was out with his friends, and I didn’t say anything because he‘s been complaining lately that I always have problems every time he tries to go have fun. I was aware I was having an episode, was incredibly careful with the toddler and the baby, and got them both ready for bed and in front of a movie when my husband came home. I immediately told him and took myself to the emergency room and checked myself into inpatient, where I stayed voluntarily for the next two weeks. While I was in there my husband came to tell me that my MIL came to help-and that my kids were going back across the country with her because he doesn’t trust me with them anymore. I didn’t get to say goodbye because they left while I was in the hospital. He also said we now have to move to be closer to the inlaws because we need help. I‘m not mad about that part, we need help, but I am so, so upset and humiliated about the kids being gone. I have to explain to everyone where they are and I have to explain why they’re gone. I have to stay behind in the move to pack up and save up, which means more time away from them. My husband says they’re not coming back. My MIL is only sending pictures and updates to my husband but he says she’s criticizing how much I‘m reaching out to talk to them (but never telling me when they’re available, and only video calling him). I‘m so low. I‘m so crushed. I understand why all this is happening but I‘m so dissociated day to day because I just cannot handle it.

1.When your kid is sick and you take them into the pediatric er they have magic doors that make your kid suddenly look like they haven't felt sick ever in their lives! But this trick only works if you commit to the actual visit you can't just go in and sit in the waiting room

2. Your kids will be perfectly quiet, playing or otherwise distracted and you think "now is a great time to make a phone call!" Your child will wait until the second the person on the other line answers to start maniacally laughing or bursting into sudden tears for no reason.

3. If your young child is constipated put them in your favorite outfit that you are so excited for them to wear (it's gotta be mostly white too) and your child will poop! And it will be a blowout!

4. Your child will love bananas. Devour 4 a day for like 3 days straight. So you think "I need to buy bulk bananas" so you buy bananas in bulk.

Then your child will refuse to eat said bananas. Apply this to any food or drink.

Anything I'm missing?

I am currently 9 weeks postpartum and have lost 60 pounds of my 80 pound weight gain!!!! Super happy, I felt absolutely horrible gaining so much weight during pregnancy. It took a massive toll on my mental health. So losing this much already has brought me back so much happiness! I can fit into most my clothes again, walk up the stairs without being winded lol, and move a lot quicker and i look more like my pre pregnancy look! (minus the bigger hips and fits lol) Only 20 more pounds to go 💪🏽

Just wanted to share my happiness 😊

First, I want to start by saying if I came across this post and read it, I would roll my eyes and tell this mom to grow TF up and get a grip. But unfortunately, I am completely serious.

So some back story, I was always a picky eater. Even as a baby (even when I thought no one was watching - my parents tested this theory multiple times), I would have like ridiculous reactions to fruits and vegetables. Like ridiculous, full body reactions with big emotions.

I straight up refused to eat like 90% of them. My parents took me to dozens of nutritionists and mental health therapists and they both basically said that it was likely a sensory thing and I would maybe outgrow it, maybe not. They saw the stress and tears and negative reactions it was causing both me and my family and told my parents to just let it go.

They made sure I got my multivitamin and continued to offer me a ton of fruits & veggies cooked and served in multiple fun ways. But basically, forcing it wasn't going to work.

Ironically enough, or maybe not ironically, I developed anorexia as a teenager and was really sick for several years. I was in therapy to address my feeding issues and anxiety around food and the overarching goal at that point was simply for me not to die, not necessarily focused on fruits and veggies. I ended up making a great recovery from anorexia.

Fast forward into my late twenties, I tried to continue to try fruits and veggies and the anxiety was overpowering. I am still in therapy and on an anxiety medication. When I knew I wanted to get pregnant, I tried even harder to eat more fruits & veggies and it caused me to become even more anxious and was essentially ruining my life. The general consensus is that is likely a sensory issue and a manifestation of my anxiety. Both nutritionists and therapists have decided that I can still be fairly healthy with the other ways I can consume some veggies, eating other nutritious foods, being active, and taking appropriate vitamins.

For context, I now eat some cooked veggies if they're in things (pasta sauces, various dishes, etc.) and I love things like tomato soup, other veggie soups, guacamole, salsa, etc. But the idea of sitting down and eating a salad or a piece of broccoli makes me sweat. I have continued to try them in fun ways and no such luck.

After I had my baby (she's 8 months old now), I made a goal that I would try every fruit/veggie that she tries and I have done it. But we're talking small bites and an insane amount of anxiety leading up to it. To the point it's ruining food again for me.

My husband is a trash can and will literally eat anything. He's such a brave eater with weird food and will eat any and all fruits & veggies.

My question for this community is.... Has any picky eater adult found a way to not create a picky eater child? I'm cautious about my health in other ways, seriously embarrassed about this part of me, and really anxious about how it'll affect my daughter, so if it was as simple as just eating fruits and veggies.... Trust me, I would. I realize not eating them sounds dramatic but I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

I KNOW the right answer is to keep trying them in new ways and to continue therapy/medication but that hasn't worked for me in 30 years and I don't see it working now. How do I tell my baby girl to eat broccoli if I don't?

Edit to add: My daughter is in a daycare with a kitchen so once she turns 1, she will get breakfast, lunch and an afternoon snack there. They are kid friendly meals but always include veggies and fruits and she will have other kids around her eating stuff. So in reality, we only have weekday dinners and weekend meals with her.

I keep finding myself getting upset over the life I chose. I love my son more than anything in this world—he is my everything—but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t struggling emotionally with how different my life turned out from what I imagined.
I’m technically with my son’s dad, but we don’t live together. My son is already 10 months old, and some days I get so frustrated because it doesn’t seem like his dad has any real intention of building a proper life with us. I feel lonely, sad, and sometimes wish I hadn’t chosen this situation for myself. We fight constantly and can never seem to see eye to eye. What makes it worse is that he tries to control me, yet at the same time, he doesn’t seem willing to fully commit to building a life together.
I’ve had countless conversations with him about it. He always blames his financial problems, losing jobs, being broke, or making bad financial decisions. But I’ve known him for three years, and nothing ever seems to change. It’s always the same story.
It’s gotten to the point where every time he tries to tell me something about our son, I immediately get triggered and snap at him. For example, he’ll call me and tell me what I should or shouldn’t be doing with our son, acting like he knows better than I do. I end up having a complete emotional meltdown—I curse him out, cry, lose my temper, and completely fall apart.
I don’t mind him giving me his input if he speaks to me respectfully. But it’s different when he calls acting like Father of the Year when he only sees our son once a week. When he was laid off, we spent every other week with him, but even then, it still didn’t feel like real commitment to me.
I think a huge part of my anxiety comes from the fact that I live with my mom, who is 72, and right now we share expenses, which helps me tremendously. But I can’t afford rent on my own. I constantly worry about what would happen to me and my son if something happened to my mother. I asked my son's dad directly if he would step up and help us if anything ever happened to her, because I'm extremely stressed and currently unemployed while on maternity leave until March of next year. He didn't even answer me. That told me everything I needed to know.
He also doesn't want me putting our son in daycare because he thinks our son should stay home, but I honestly feel like he has very little say in that when I'm the one who needs to figure out how to support us. What am I supposed to do for money until my son is in school full-time?
I've told him that I'm going to do what I need to do. Our son will likely have to go to daycare because I need to find employment, and I want to save as much money as possible while I still have a safety net.
My anxiety and depression have been hitting me really hard because I feel like, for lack of a better word, I completely screwed my life up. The life I imagined for myself isn't my reality, and I'm grieving that. But I also know I need to stop waiting for someone else to fix things and start figuring out how to create a stable future for myself and my son.
Please tell me I'm not crazy for feeling this way. I feel completely lost, disappointed, heartbroken, anxious, and incredibly sad.

Breastfeed, strictly formula, or combination? How old is your baby and what is your reason for your choice?