r/beyondthebump

Me and my husband are both and always have been tv kids. We always have something going in the background. While im on maternity leave ive been watching a lot of tv.

Baby is 2 months old now. She is now starting to look at/stare at the tv when its on. I know shes not technically watching it. But I think its about time to start limiting this, as we both agree we dont want to raise a baby all about screens.

I, in particular, also want to limit my screen time. But if I play a podcast on my phone as background noise, will that also effect her?

My FIL was diagnosed with Alzheimers as I dated my husband. Things have progressed quickly, and about last year, he couldnt be left alone, but my MIL still needs to work full time. I'm a SAHM, so I volunteered to help out once a week, bring my toddler over and keep him company. Just before Easter, MIL broke down, took on a weekend job, and put him in a care home. He has taken a big step down (sadly) and progressed further.

I kind of dread visiting him once a week in the care home because of 'germs'. He is in a nice care home, but I still cringe when I sit with my daughter on the floor to play with the toys my MIL provided and kind of just talk out loud to hang out with my FIL. When we leave, I use the provided hand sanitizer on my daughter and myself, bathe her whem we get home and everyone changes clothes.

Am I freaking out too much? Is the sanitize+bath+clothes change enough? Too much? We go to parks, libraries, run around malls, so am I being a total hypocrite?

TW: sexual trauma mentioned

I’m being real vulnerable so please be nice 🫠
My husband has always had a high libido and I have always had a low libido. The only sore part of our relationship is sex.
I have had a very complicated relationship with sex due to trauma and have slowly increased my libido over time and really worked on myself. I definitely didn’t used to enjoy sex as much as I do now. I think my body held on to a lot of trauma and it made sex uncomfortable or even sometimes painful.
Therapy, talking with my partner, and funny enough Manhwa ( Korean manga smut lol) has helped me find my “horny”. I have a hard time “getting horny”. Prior to getting pregnant or having a baby we were probably having sex once a week. Maybe twice a week randomly. It’s never been more than that and it’s very repetitive ( same place, same order of events).

I get anxious when it’s being propositioned and do lots of mental gymnastics to try and either go for it or talk myself out of it.
I know I need to do better. I love sex, once we are in it- it’s wonderful. He’s incredibly generous and I always climax multiple times. I am not having a bad time. I think my brain automatically goes to “no” because of trauma and just out of habit. And I know he wants to be wanted and thought of just as much as he always takes care of me. I could definitely offer way more foreplay for him. And also offer oral sex other times. It is hard for me. I think it’s hard for a lot of femme folks.

But I felt it was the best it had been right up till I got pregnant.

Pregnancy kind of shook that schedule.
Since I had our son (4.5 months now) we have maybe had sex 3/4 times.
At the start I was offering foreplay and we slowly got into sex ( I was pretty nervous it would hurt ). It has been great.
But oh my god how do you find the time? How do you make it work?
I want him to feel wanted. He deserves it as much as I do. And I know he would give me anything I wanted if I asked.
I do not want our relationship to suffer because of this. It has in the past and I do not want to repeat any of it.

Please any advice for myself or even for him. I know this is a really nuanced topic but I’d love to hear others experience with brining their sex life back to life after having a baby.

Thank you 🩷

RANT
Longggg story short my in laws are the most toxic, chaotic, and abusive people I have ever met. My husband had a really bad childhood growing up, probably one of the worst childhoods I’ve ever heard of. When he became an adult he moved hours away from his abusive parents and enabling siblings and he is very very low contact with them.

We have a newborn, since the day we found out we were pregnant to now my husband has been very clear that his family will have little access to our pregnancy and our son. They weren’t involved in my pregnancy at all, they were super critical and showed no support (which in this case good) however towards the end they started to become overbearing. My husband set up very clear and strict boundaries with them…

They all lost their shit over it, and I mean BAD. Their way of hashing out problems is cussing each other out, calling each other names, and getting physical. Their reaction was super intense and my husband ultimately decided to pull the plug altogether and not let them have any access to our son.

For the past month his family has been harassing the both of us saying we’re evil for using our baby “as a pawn”, you mean the baby that WE made? The baby that we’re protecting from this abusive behavior?? The blame of course has been totally shifted on to me because they don’t believe my husband would just “exclude them from our lives” like that… so of course it’s my fault and I’m evil and toxic and apparently like drama.

It’s bullshit, but they’re proving EXACTLY why they aren’t allowed around our baby.

27F, I have an 11 week old (almost 3 month old). My family keeps telling me I need professional help for not wanting to leave my baby in other’s care. I EBF, and I gave birth like so little ago (11 weeks in postpartum time is as if I gave birth yesterday).

I keep getting offers for my family to take my baby and I go do things outside, alone or with my husband and honestly this type of badgering is getting really weird and making me feel antsy. Maybe it’s hormones but why do they insist so much on alone time with my very young baby?

And if I tell them to leave me be, they insist I have mental problems and should talk to a professional. I really don’t believe that, I feel fine, I feel more than fine leaving my baby alone with my husband for example while I go shopping or drink coffee or do whatever errands, but people who don’t even remember how to change a diaper but insist on having time alone with her so early give me the heebie jeebies. My mom is most adamant on it.

Am I weird??

Hello! Not sure if this is where I should post but I am seeking advice. I am going on a trip with friends out of state this weekend, which I am SO looking forward to. Except one thing which is the knot I get in my stomach when I think about leaving my 3 year old. He is very attached to me and we co sleep every night. He of course loves his dad and I know logically he will be happy and well cared for and I know that I deserve the break and to enjoy my friends.

This is not my first weekend away, last time was last August and I did not cope very well. I was riddled with guilt the entire time and I really don’t want that experience again. Any advice on how to deal and have fun and have less guilt is appreciated!!

My LO had her birthday recently. I've been EBF her and co-sleeping. I take care of every need without a break. The sleep deprivation is killing me, because she still wakes up every 90 mins if I'm lucky, to just sip a little. So last night I started night weaning. She's eating good during the day, lots of solid food and still has boobie.

I want to play more with her, interact and go to the park, but I'm a zombie. So between responding to her 24/7 and house chores, and very soon work, I'm starting to feel depressed for not getting a minute to myself.

Hence the night weaning. She cried for 30 mins last night, I sang to her, pat her bum, stroke her hair and back, cuddled her. Came morning, my husband is complaining I let her cry. It's a change in her usual routine when I shove my boobies in her mouth to settle her, of course she didn't like it, but she settled pretty fast after that. I'm actually proud of her. But honestly, what's wrong if I am a bit selfish and try to get a bit of sleep?

If I keep this up, I will be worse off. Had to start therapy because I had suicidal thoughts.

What's your take on this?

Just looking for opinions on when you think the BEST time to have your second child is after the first and why.

Planning a second and just very interested if a few year gap is better or just quickly bang them out (figuratively 😅).

Thanks in advance 🙂

what do you actually do with baby clothes between kids? We’re in a 2 bed apartment and have boxes of 0–3m stuff already and our baby is only 4 months. Keeping for baby #2 but have no idea where to put it all. Running out of space quickly and no where to put it. Ps: already vacuum sealed

Edit: unfortunately don’t have family to rely on and no real garage as we are in an apartment. Was thinking cheap storage but nothing seems affordable

I have a 5 year old and an 8 month old. I have been with my partner 8 years and 7 years ago he bought the house we live in. Sadly it has come to us separating after years of struggle with his substance abuse problems among other things.

This whole time he had been the main breadwinner, there was a year where I worked full time, but other than that I have been the stay at home mother and doing casual work here and there as that is what worked for our family. I have held the entire mental load of the house and kids, and most of the time done parenting alone while he struggled with his substance abuse problems.

Legally in this separation I am entitled to half of everything however I am only taking a small percentage of the equity of the house in order to secure a deposit on a home for myself to raise our kids in since I will have majority of custody.

Today I learnt my brother told him I deserve nothing. And that that brother and his wife spoke poorly of me to another family member calling me a bitch for even thinking I deserved anything because I didn’t contribute enough financially. I am so flabbergasted and hurt. These people know a small amount of what I have gone through which should be damn well enough to have some respect. But to think I have no value because “all I did was raise the kids” has just rocked me to my core. These people don’t want kids, and fair enough but to place such little value on me and all I do had me so shocked.

Luckily my ex and I are super amicable and hes more than happy to give me a little money (much less than I could be taking if I wanted) so that HIS KIDS can have a good life.

I don’t know where people get off, but I needed to YELL today.

ETA: I know you are all trying to help by telling me to take half, however I won’t be doing that because I don’t think it’s fair for reasons I don’t really want to delve into. I am content with taking enough to get a house and am an educated woman that will be able to go into work once I’m ready to. Their dad is still going to be in the picture, child support is figured out, don’t worry they won’t be getting short changed.

Ever since I was pregnant and gave birth I have been struggling even more than I have in the past with the idea of God.
Why does the world act like pregnancy and birth isn’t kinda… sci-fi lol.
Honestly, the more I think the more it kinda sickness me that we praise a man in the sky when … women are growing babies and giving birth right in front of us
I don’t want to offend anyone cause this might. Does anyone else feel this way? I don’t think I’m a “God” by any means but it just bugs me that the world doesn’t understand the gravity of what women do.

Hi! Starting to feel a little anxious about our sleep situation. Our baby is 3 months, 10 days old and has been sleeping 8-9 hours between evening feeds. Is this too much?

During the day she is eating 90-120 ml (3-4 oz) every 1.5-2.5 hours and over 24 hours eats between 24-29 oz a day. After her last evening feed, we swaddle and let her sleep on the couch while we watch TV and then transfer her to her bassinet next to our bed.

So, I guess is this all ok?

ETA I’m feeling anxious because I heard it’s not recommended to swaddle past 3 months but that’s how she’s been sleeping lately. Also nervous that maybe she’s sleeping too much which could indicate too deeply. I guess I’m just anxious about everything we do.

Hi, my nephew’s umbilical cord wrapped around his neck and he passed away. (He was the most precious baby I’ve ever seen, he had a head full of hair, and the most handsome face i ever seen Even though my little dude skin had started peeling)

Aside from him, I’m more worried about my sister. She has been in the hospital since Saturday, today is Wednesday and she hasn’t spoken a single word since the doctor told her he passed away, she hasn’t even cried, she just lays there.

Ive been there everyday asking and talking to the doctors for her, I’ve also been babysitting her 9 year old son, I’ve took a few of the things out of the nursery put them into storage and cleaned it up a bit (I left a few things for her to remove when she is ready) while she’s been in the hospital. She gets discharged later today, and I’m not sure if she should stay at her home alone with the child or what I should do.

I don’t have any kids, so I don’t know how she feels nor can I relate to her. My boss has given me a paternity leave after explaining my situation to him so I’m pretty available.

Edit: thank you to all of the mothers who shared their stories and their advice 🤍

During and after pregnancy!

Right now I already know that I want to find better professionals to follow my prenatal.

Haven’t thought about things after birth.

Curious to hear everyone’s experience.

Hello.

I’ve tore twice, 3rd degrees tears although the first was 2nd degree or 3rd degree they weren’t sure.

I know it’s a Big severe tear. I’m recovering fine thankfully. I’m about 4 months post partum.

I just don’t want a major surgery. Anyone can share if they had a third vaginal birth?

The other day I had this situation happen, and I’ve been thinking about it.

I had taken my 15 month old to buy new shoes, he was in the stroller quietly looking around, and I took him out to place him standing up so he could try walking with the shoes I wanted to get. From clear across the store and of nowhere this little girl (2? 3?) runs towards him screaming “no no!”, initially I was startled thinking something happened, then I saw her swinging her arms as if she wanted to hit him so I quickly picked him up.
While he was in my arm, very scared might I add, she continues pointing at him screaming no and trying to reach him so she can hit him. I told her “don’t do that, he’s scared”

I look up and find her parents looking over kind of amused; as if they found it cute? I just looked straight at them and said “she is not allowed to hit my son, please come take her.”

They looked startled and picked her up. I just finished my shopping and left.

Genuinely what else would anyone else have done? This isn’t the first time another kid tried to hit mine either, and he’s the type to just stand there in shock or run away in tears, it breaks my heart😭 What to do next time?

edit: just realized i managed to use the word “startled” three times in one post, sorry everyone, now just twice😭

Soo we went out for lunch with both sets of parents and my mum asked my son how he's been and he just got activated

He started talking about playing, running, studying nd getting more and more charged up with every question because of all the attention

Then he said mom and dad have been very busy with work lately and don't play with me as much

And then he said they were playing hide and seek WITHOUT me and kissing

Both sets of grandparents were at the same table nd everyone was laughing, me wanting to disappear completely😭

anyone else been publicly exposed by their toddler at the worst possible moment??

All I've seen is women claim it's a myth and that they couldn't lose all of their baby fat until they stopped breastfeeding.

But the saying had to come from somewhere, right? ​

I just wanted to share some gratitude and positivity here.

My husband and I have been together for 12 years. Married for 7. We have 4YO and 6MO. He's amazing, we bicker sometimes, but this weekend proved me that I'm truly lucky to have him as my partner.

Last Tuesday I mentioned that it'd be a lovely idea to have a picnic on Saturday. Told him what food I'd like to pack and where to go, he agreed.

Cue to Friday night. My husband comes in at 1AM, because he heard and saw on the baby cam that we're having a hard time sleeping and tells me to go to the other bedroom and sleep. I do so until 4AM, when I decide to go back in and change with him. Baby is awake at 7AM, husband takes the baby, asks when she nursed last and leaves to let me sleep some more.

I wake up 3 hours later and find baby napping in the pram while my husband is playing with the 4YO. Everything is packed and prepared for the picnic. "Have some breakfast and coffee (which is already made) and we can leave once the baby is awake and you're ready".

And we went ahead and had a lovely Saturday.

FTM here and trying not to overbuy stuff
One of my friends gifted us a bottle warmer from our registry and we still haven’t opened it yet. My LO is almost 2 weeks old now and honestly has been completely fine taking cold or room temp bottles so far.
My husband thinks the warmer is kinda unnecessary and just another baby gadget taking up counter space lol. But then I keep seeing moms online say their babies randomly started refusing cold bottles later on, especially during middle of the night feeds.
Now I’m stuck wondering if this is one of those things that seems pointless at first but becomes super useful later
Should we keep it just in case or return it while we still can?