u/missAnony85

SD’s bday is coming up this weekend, she’ll be 12. In the past I’ve gone all out and bought her nice custom jewelry or a bunch of clothes and accessories. She’s made it clear she doesn’t care for or value anything I buy her. I bought her clothes this summer that are sitting in her dresser with the tags still on them. The jewelry I bought, long gone. So needless to say, I don’t feel inclined to spend alot of money on a birthday gift. Plus she’s been not quite the friendliest person to me lately, so there’s that.

My idea is to let her little sisters pick out some gifts for her. Then her father can get her whatever he’s planning on getting her. But as far as a thoughtful gift from me…I’m just not into wasting my time or money.

My 5yo daughter can be very difficult. I thought it would get better as she gets older but not really. If things don’t go her way she emits high pitched shrieks and then cries for at least 10 min. Followed by “I hate you” and any other insults she deems appropriate. It is so draining I feel like im always on edge. This has been going on since she was 2, when she was younger her meltdowns would be daily almost and could go on for up to 20 min. The only thing that’s changed is the frequency and duration.

I have a 3yo who is so easy going and laid back. Thank god! She’s maybe had 3 mini meltdowns in her life and it’s only when she was exhausted. I think my 5 yo notices the difference in my demeanor towards her little sister and herself. I feel like 80% of the time I am frustrated with my 5yo. She’s demanding and very rigid. She can be funny, kind and sweet but once her horns come out, all of that is forgotten.

I feel bad because I know that she notices I’m frustrated. She will look at baby videos and ask why I don’t talk to her like that anymore. It makes me so sad because I don’t want her to question my love for her. And I tell her that even when I’m frustrated with her I still love her. But sometimes it’s sooooo hard to keep a cool head when she is in the middle of a ridiculous meltdown. Some days I can ignore it, but other days I’m just over it and I can’t stand it. I’ve said how ridiculous she is being, I’ve told her that she’s too old to act like a 2 year old…things I’m not proud of but my frustration got the best of me. I guess I’m just feeling guilty and I feel like I’m almost shut off emotionally at times from her. It’s a terrible way to feel about your own child. There’s a huge difference between the way I feel for her some days and my youngest. My youngest is so sweet and just her whole demeanor is different. I feel constantly challenged by my 5 year old and I’m on the defense most of the day.

I think it’s just been a long summer and im hoping her getting back into the routine of school will help regulate her a bit more.

SD11 birthday is coming up this weekend. I have been completely hands off (nacho) because of a pattern of her making rude comments/insults to me regularly. I’ve decided that for my own peace, when she is here, 50/50, Im polite, but I go about my business and leave everything pertaining to SD to her father.

This weekend he’s throwing a small bday party for her at the house. When it’s BK bday, I obviously will go all out, decorations, ordering the cake, making sure they get the gifts they want. I’m gonna be honest, I’m leaving all of that up to my husband for SD. I don’t feel obligated or even have the desire at all to help. I’m going to let her little sisters pick out some gifts for her, that’s the extent im going to. I’m not asking her what she wants, I’m not spending a lot of money on her. I got her some new clothes this summer, she claimed she liked them, then threw them In her closet and never wore one thing. I’m over it.

Honestly I’m dreading her being here, she’s been on vacation with BM for 10 days and it’s been wonderful. It’s like a breath of fresh air when she’s not here. Then when she comes back I feel a tightness in my stomach. It’s like I’m watched and judged the whole time she’s here…what I’m wearing, how my hair is done. She literally comments on it all. Apparently I’m not allowed to be comfortable in my own home. Ugh.

SD11 just got back from a 2 week trip with BM. I really thought I’d be somewhat happy to see her, but that all changed the second she walked in. I put my arms out to give her a hug and she stepped back and started laughing hysterically at my outfit. Mind you I WFH, have 2 small kids, and was oh I don’t know, maybe in my own home relaxing!! I had a Tshirt on and pair of joggers, it was really nothing insane for her to start laughing about. I was like “ooook…I mean I am home and not at a fashion show”. Of course her father was not in the room, she never would have done that in front of him.

After that I kept my distance and disengaged. I could see she was very pleased with herself. Every single time she is here (50/50) she makes sure to take a little jab at me. I felt that ignoring it would take the wind out of her sails but I don’t think that matters.

She’s also been talking in a baby voice; I had to leave the room last night it got so unbearable. Mind you she’s over 5 feet tall and 11…talking like a 3 year old. It’s horrific.

The silver lining is she’s about to leave for another 10 days on a trip with BM again…BON VOYAGE!!

My husband lost about 60 pounds in the last year. He’s at his goal weight and looks amazing. We are both at a healthy BMI and I’m at my ideal weight as well. I could stand to tone up a bit but nothing major. The issue is, I can’t help but feel insecure. Not only is he 5 years younger than me, but now he’s in the best physical shape I’ve ever seen him in. As a result he’s taking great pride in his appearance, he’s dressing nicer, etc. I can only imagine he’s getting quite a bit of attention from women. It makes me feel sooo insecure. I know he loves me so much and cherishes our marriage. We have a great relationship.

The thing is…Early on when we had first started dating 8 years ago, he was unfaithful. I broke it off and a few months later we rekindled things. I truly believe he has grown and matured, he was in his mid twenties then. But still in the back of my mind I know that he was once capable of cheating…so there’s that nagging doubt.

I really am happy for him, he looks amazing and our sex life is now top tier. I just wish I could stop feeling insecure. I’m not sure how to do that. Maybe I need to start working out as well, I used to be at my peak physical fitness when we first started dating. I worked out 3-4 times a week and felt great. Then I had 2 kids back to back, and now I’m so tired that the thought of working out is exhausting. But I loved the endorphin rush after working out…. I actually may have just answered my own question!

Long story short I had a very close friend for 20 years but we drifted apart over the last 5 years. Our conversations felt almost forced and we really had nothing to talk about anymore. Our lives went in different directions, it happens-no hard feelings.
The last time we spoke she was complaining about how stressful wedding planning is and how expensive everything is. She said “I don’t care if people can’t come, as long as they RSVP no, I’ll be happy to save the money”. After we hung up I thought about that comment and wondered if it was lowkey directed at me.

We haven’t spoken in at least 3 months, the longest we’ve ever gone without some form of contact. I think the friendship has run its course. My husband has prior obligations on the day of her wedding. I’m not going to attend alone. At this point, since our friendship has fizzled out, I would feel awkward and out of place there anyway.

I want to make sure I’m not being totally ridiculous. Based on our last conversation I feel like I’ll be doing her a favor by not going. I plan on sending her a quick text apologizing that I won’t be able to attend and that I hope her wedding day is amazing. I plan on sending a gift as well.

I’m having a hard time liking my SD11 right now. She’s been making rude comments disguised as jokes only towards me but never in front of her father. Shes also been talking like a 6 year old 90% of the time she’s here and it’s just the icing on the cake for me. It’s unbearable.

My husband is fully aware of what’s going on and the way I feel. He’s also having separate issues with her and she’s just being very in-genuine. She lies constantly and actually does it so much that it’s second nature at this point (thank BM for that skill).

My struggle is that I am now irritated by her presence. I know it’s not right, but I can’t help it. I’ve been distancing myself as much as possible because this is the only way I can preserve some kind of inner peace while she’s here.

I guess I’m looking for solidarity, or some kind of reassurance that these feelings are somewhat normal especially during preteen/teen years. My husband obviously continues to try to talk to her about why lying is wrong and he sees light at the end of the tunnel. Well good for him! That’s his child so obviously he wears rose colored glasses. I don’t have a pair of those.

I think I’m just checked out. I don’t know how else to feel Better about sharing a home half the week with a child that resents my presence and deep down wishes it was her mom here instead of me. I keep telling myself not my circus….but while she’s here it kinda is! Ughhhhh. Well the temporary silver lining is she’s about to go on a 10 day cruise with BM…bon voyage!

I’m truly at a loss and maybe this is purely reactionary but I’m ready to go completely nacho with SD11. I mean nacho to the point that I am kind of course, but please refer to your father for any entertainment, small talk, or wants. I can’t deal with the disrespectful insults passed off as innocent and “oh sorry was that rude” then a giggle as she walks away. I think as she’s getting older HCBM is filling her head with things about me. It’s almost like she has a quota to meet as far as making rude comments either about my outfit, hair, or age ( im 5 years older than DH). The other day, for absolutely no reason she informed me that im weird. I was literally making dinner minding my own business. I gave her a dry “thanks” and she seemed very pleased with herself. Almost like she runs back to her mom’s and tells her.

Anyways I’m tired of being the butt of her jokes and I’m honestly just over it. This has been going on for the last few months. My husband addresses it if he happens to overhear it and she acts shocked and says “oh was that mean?” I’m the only person in the house she does it to. Never ever everrrr would dream of doing that to her father. So I’m ready to just disengage, I’ll be polite but I’m really not interested in playing stepmom of the year anymore. She doesn’t respect me for whatever reason (I’m sure her mom plays a huge part) and I just want to be left alone if she can’t be kind.