r/Parenting

Trying to wrap my head around this so bear with me

Adults wear sunglasses for clear benefits like protecting our eyes from long-term damage, improving visibility, and sometimes preventing sunburn.

But kids often spend far more time outdoors, whether walking home from school or playing outside. It seems like they should be the main demographic we’re protecting with sunglasses.

Do you buy sunglasses for your kids? If not, how come? I personally don’t

My daughter recently decided she doesn't need my help getting dressed anymore. In theory I love this. She picks everything herself, gets dressed without a fight, and is VERY proud of whatever she comes up with.

The problem is her current fashion philosophy seems to be "if I like every individual item, they must all look good together." Yesterday she wore a yellow dinosaur shirt, purple tutu, striped leggings, one pink sock and one green sock, plus rain boots even though it was sunny. She looked like she had lost a bet with a children's TV show.

At home or going to the grocery store I genuinely don't care. She's 4, let her have fun. But now she wants to dress herself for everything, including preschool, family dinners and birthday parties.

My wife thinks we should only interfere for weather/safety and otherwise let her wear whatever she wants. I'm a little more torn. Not because I'm embarrassed by her, but because I don't want other kids making fun of her and I also feel like part of parenting is eventually teaching that different situations have different kinds of clothing.

On the other hand, maybe 4 is way too young to turn getting dressed into another thing she can somehow do "wrong."

This morning she came downstairs wearing a sparkly dress over pajama pants and announced she was ready for preschool. I almost asked her to change, then realized I couldn't actually explain why besides "people don't usually wear that together."

So she went exactly like that and was thrilled.

I'm curious how other parents handle this. Do you just let little kids look completely ridiculous until they naturally start caring, or do you set some basic limits beyond weather and cleanliness?

Does anyone have recommendations for breathable sneakers my 9 year old feet smell after a day at school or just in her sneakers for a few hours. I've sprayed her shoes and feet to help get rid of the smell but hasn't helped.

Her shoes do not smell from getting wet.

FTM here. My LO is 5 months old and started going to a home daycare about 3 weeks ago that’s super close to my home.

Before starting, the daycare provider gave me the contact information for previous and current parents. I was able to text them and ask questions. For the most part, they all said the same thing. She is nice, she is affordable, their kids LOVE it, but there’s really no structure. Since my LO is 5 months old, I figured a ton of structure isn’t needed right now.

Here are some things I’m noticing that have me worried:

-I receive pics throughout the day and 50% of the time, the TV is on in the background. It’s also usually on at pick-up. My LO watches sometimes (she loves the TV but we never have it on at home when shes awake).

-I receive zero updates at pick-up unless I ask. None via text either. Just pictures.

-I don’t know what time my baby naps or for how long and I only know how much she eats based off what’s left in the milk jug I get back at pick-up.

-My LO’s wet bib stays on after feedings… all day. Even during naps. I can see it in pics. This is a suffocation hazard, no?

-My LO is in some type of container in pics 85% of the time.

-Daycare provider rushes me out during drop-offs and pick-ups. It’s important for me to build a relationship with the people caring for my baby. Today, she literally (gently) grabbed my shoulder and ushered me out as I tried making small talk 😂

Some positives:
-Daycare provider seems nice and her reviews were all mostly positive.

-When I pick my baby up, she’s happy and engaging with the other kiddos (if TV isn’t on).

-Daycare provider baby talks nicely to her during pick-ups and drop-offs.

-She sends pics!

As mentioned, I’m a FTM so this is really new to me. I have no clue what’s totally normal and what’s not. Any insight is truly appreciated!!

Edit: we are moving in the next 4-6 months so this is temporary. Where I live, daycare facilities require you to sign a 12 month contract at $2,700-$3,200/month. If you back out, you’re still responsible for paying. Since we’re moving soon, a home daycare works best for us right now. But this one seems off to me.

I let my daughter (7) mostly pick out and wear whatever she wants. Today, the first day of school, she wore a Buc-ee’s t-shirt and just sports shorts with crocs. I asked her a couple times if she’s sure she wants to wear that. But my partner and their mother think she looks homeless and should wear nicer clothes for her first day. I can’t even convince her to take a nice outfit over to Grammys when she goes to church. My partner told her to change and the kid started crying. Would you have made her change?

My wife and I currently have one 2.5yo child, and we're facing the decision of whether to have a second.

She just realized she is pregnant but we are simply not sure. We're trying to figure out whether that feeling is simply fear/exhaustion from starting over again, or whether it's a genuine feeling that our family is complete with one child.

I'd really like to hear from people who were genuinely on the fence before having their second.

If you went ahead and had the second child:

• Did you end up feeling that it was the right decision?
• Was the transition harder than you expected?
• Did you ever regret it?
• Did your relationship with your first child change in ways you didn't expect?
• Looking back now, would you make the same decision?

And if you ultimately decided not to have a second:

• Do you ever regret not having another?
• Are you happy with your family size now?

Thanks in advance for sharing honestly, including the difficult or unpopular parts.

She’s done it for the last several years, particularly when her behaviour has been corrected and then she starts to cry, she will go and sit in front of one of our two large mirrors and watch herself, sometimes making herself dribble/drool. Is this a behaviour we should worry about?

This morning i was trying to spread butter on toast for my 2.5yr old. while holding my 2 week old, and realised there's probably a much smarter way to do these small tasks.

Anyone got any hacks for doing things one handed?

What to do with a back talking child?

Trying really hard to teach our oldest to respect us and her teacher. She doesn’t have a fear of saying no to us or being sassy. I know it’s our fault. I just don’t know how to teach her to not talk this way.

She’s an extremely sweet, academically gifted, beautiful girl but there are times when she acts this way and I’m not sure what to do. I tell her she can’t speak that way. To say yes ma’am and yes sir. She gets consequences and has things taken away. I’ve been told I need to get a handle on it or else she’s going to be worse as a teenager.

I get embarrassed because her teacher called me the other day and said she back talks and has a lot of sass. I have talked to my oldest every day about respect and how we should talk to our teacher. The teacher also tells me daughter is used to doing whatever she wants to do but when I look at our routine, it’s not like I give into her. She does her homework, she cleans her room but sometimes i do have to tell her multiple times. She loves to read a book at night. She bathes and brushes her teeth. She’s generally happy. I’m a little overwhelmed because I have a clingy baby too.

Where do I start?

Hi All,

Our son turned 5 this year and he was previously a sweet, gentle soul who always made good choices. Lately he has become quite angry and aggressive towards myself and his sister's in particular. We thought screens might be impacting him, so we have removed them from the house, and while we've seen more settled sleep and greater energy expenditure, the anger and aggression has stuck around.

He is in full time school, but has more recently started refusing to go. I know there are some behavioural challenges with some of the kids in his class and some of the other boys are struggling to get to school too. Is this standard for boys at 5 or is it more likely to be an impact of the dynamics at school? His teachers don't see this behaviour and he seems focussed in class and has continued to make good choices there from what we have been told.

It's hard to watch your child go through such a huge change in temperament and I'm not sure how best to support him.

I don't really know if this is parenting related, but here it goes. I am 46 and have 2 kids age 10 amd 12. I am really chill, calm, and relaxed when my kids are not around, almost to the point that I'm very tired, lethargic, almost like lazy. When my kids are around, I am tense, easily irritable, annoyed and frustrated often. Is this a thing? Is it normal? I just noticed this recently, I don't really know how long its been happening, for at least a few months it seems. Ty so much!

Weird title, but let me explain. My husband grew up with a hoarder who was and still is an absolute slob. I grew up with a neurotic OCD clean freak. Neither of us are a direct replica of our environment, but we do lean towards he’s messier, I’m cleaner.

I would say our home is moderately clean. There’s toys and clothes around, but I try not to let it get filthy dirty. How does everyone teach their kids to value a clean house, clean bedrooms, etc without being too over the top? We nag for them to pick up, but we also let a lot slide. What are your expectations of your children? Mine are 5 and 7 for reference.

This might sound stupid, but I truly don’t know what’s reasonable.

Total spending in our household (3 small kids) is between 7-9k each month. Most of that goes to mortgage (3k), groceries and bills. We are in the northeast - smaller town, medium cost of living. It seem like we are paying a lot. I’m curious how much is everyone else spending each month, what are the biggest expenses and if you have any advice on saving.

I grew up being moderately outdoorsy (lots of bike rides, but no hiking or camping) and always wished I’d had more outdoor experience. It’s hard to learn as an adult!

I’m raising my kids in my hometown and struggling to make the outdoors seem fun. Because of climate change it’s hotter and more humid than ever, June through August is pretty much indoor-only at this point. My kids hate going outside because they get eaten alive by mosquitos. Even when the weather’s nice, there is little to no outdoor infrastructure like bike trails or even sidewalks.

I was on a work call yesterday with people in the Mountain West who talked about summers being this glorious time of kids riding bikes, kayaking, etc and I was so jealous. I can’t help but imagine my kids going to college with those kids and being years behind in their level of confidence and excitement about the outdoors.

I feel like I may be overly anxious about this? In an ideal world, we’d live in a place with a thriving and accessible outdoors culture, but money and family are keeping us here for the foreseeable future so moving is not an option.

My toddler is personally a little menace with it comes to him eating something different. He only willingly eats: Chicken nuggets, sliced up hot dogs, milk, carrots, chips and candy 🫩

We introduced plenty of foods to him when he was a baby, but he’s been outright refusing anything new. Continues to say it’s “yucky”. We used to be subscribed to Little Spoon, until he again, stopped eating majority of the items in there. I’ve even tried offering things I personally am eating to see if he wants that - denies. Some foods I try to do the overly “mmm! This is so good! Try some!” - denies.

Any advice on how to have him try new things? His diet desperately needs to change as you all can see.

Let me start by saying that we really like our son’s (15 months) daycare. They have done a very good job caring for him, making sure that he is transitioning to solids well, keeping us updated on things, etc. You can tell that they really care about him and the other kids.

One thing that they are very strict on though is making sure he is fully drinking from cups, both at daycare and at home. He does a fantastic job of this when he is at daycare, but anytime he is home with us at home, he refuses. We have tried different sippy cups, 360 cup, etc. We have tried giving him 15 minutes or so, coming back to it an hour later, but he still refuses. Then we have to give him the bottle. He takes it amazingly.

Last night we went cold turkey and he has only had a couple sips. I have been giving yogurt, water filled foods to help supplement yesterday and today. My mom heart is hurting so badly seeing him refuse the cup and cry so badly and knowing I shouldn’t give him the bottle.

What do we do? Is he extremely behind? I know that by defaulting to the bottle, he knows it’s an option, but I just don’t know what to do. I would appreciate any tips.

For context, we have a 2 year old and so far, we've not had any incidents of staining or spills or any mess that we couldn't clean. We did baby led weaning and that was messy but we have hard floors, a washable wall behind his high chair and our dining room has been left relatively unscathed. Any messy play stuff like markers and paint are only available to him under close supervision. He mostly hangs out in his playroom or the garden. When he's been ill, we've put down loads of waterproof pads and that mostly avoided any stains but the few things that were missed have come out of the carpet easily.

Anyway we're looking to redecorate our living room and I've just ordered a light coloured sofa. Our current sofa is a mustard velvet one but it's managed to stay clean, even when I was bottle feeding baby on it every day. I want to get new carpets soon too and was looking at natural coloured ones. But people around me are kind of eyebrow raising at my design decisions given that we have a young child.

So, am I bring an idiot in thinking that the danger has passed? Are the messy years ahead? Have I just been extraordinarily lucky?

My first just turned 2, and my mom very kindly got her a baby doll for her birthday. I'm due in just over a month with our second, and I was planning to get my daughter her very first doll "from baby" to care for while I'm caring for the newborn. I've seen that giving gifts from baby can help with jealousy and to ease the transition for the older sibling. Does anyone have any ideas on what else the baby can get her? My pregnancy brain is not working, and I can't think of a single good idea.

I thought maybe to get accessories for the doll, like a high chair or crib, but I'm not sure if that's the right move.

I'm open to any ideas, whether they're gifts or general transition advice. Thank you!!

She was diagnosed with Autism at 3 and the first 10 years of her life were extremely stressful. Therapy helped tremendously and she’s her own person now. Happy, smart, independent(ish), caring. Basically everything I could hope for. I love spending time with her and am so proud of the person she has become!

She will have the option to be on her own if she desires but I will always secretly hope she stays home. The anxiety rises when she talks about boys and kids etc. She has never had a real BF. She has a boy that likes her and she likes him but it is more middle school than anything. She can live on her own but will always require support from my wife and I.

We have had the discussion on kids and how that comes with immense responsibility and I feel she grasps it for the most part but she also wants to be an adult. Which I love! I can’t be a grandparent though. I can’t raise another baby.

How am I supposed to navigate this with her? I hope she finds someone to spend her life with but how am I supposed to judge if they are capable of taking care of a child? It’s all too much for me and I have a few years left but I can tell it’s coming. Sorry for the long read, not sure exactly what I’m looking for? Advice? Someone who has/is been here? Thanks :)

My daughter is 6 years old and this year especially, I feel like it's been really hard for her to make friends. She is super smart and was an only child for 5.5 years, so I feel like she is a little advanced or "grown" at least in the eyes of my sisters, but she is overall a super sincere, genuine friend. She loves to share and she loves to make her friends feel seen and heard, although she has no filter and that's something we're working on. She has started to get her feelings hurt more than ever before recently and I just don't really know how to help her or what advice to give her. I can't remember how I felt when I was her age or what situations I went through that could be similar. I know that now as an adult, I couldn't careless how someone speaks to me or what they say, I try to be the same person all the time; kind and helpful. I don't want her to not establish boundaries or put up with things that she shouldn't have to just because I believe in being kind (I believe you can be kind and still have boundaries).

Two recent examples:

My daughter takes dance lessons on Tuesdays. One of her little friends takes the same lesson. They haven't really been around each other since last summer because they went to different schools and her friend was pulled out of the before/after care that they both attended, but they were really close last summer and whenever my daughter would attend the weeklong dance camps. Last week, her friend arrived to dance with a few of the other dance moms and kids, they were playing with squishies (my nemesis) and my daughter walked over to her and asked if she could play also and her friend told her no. My daughter asked her why the other girls could play but she couldn't and her friend told her, "Well it's because we know each other's moms." ... ok. (for context, we had a playdate scheduled for the coming up Friday that the mom actually rescheduled to the next Friday) I told her to brush it off, you have a ton of squishies at home to play with (even though it crushed me inside).

They started the lesson and about 10 minutes through my baby comes out to the lobby to tell me that her friend and another mutual "friend" were talking about her and she thinks she wants to cancel the play date. I told her that we can do whatever she wants to do but she should go back in there and ask the girls if they were talking about her. I could see on the TV that as soon as she went back into the room the little girl ran up to her. I later found out that the girl ran up to her and said "can't you wait for our playdate!!!" and my daughter asked her if she was talking about her. She told my daughter that she wasn't talking about her, she was talking about her ice cream sandwich. IDK weird.

I tried to talk to my daughter about it on the way home and she was just so confused. She didn't know if they were really talking about her or not, and she didn't know if she wanted to cancel the playdate any longer since her friend told her that they weren't talking about her. She did tell me that when she first got into the lesson room, she was standing next to her friend when her friend said "lets get some personal space." This is very valid, the child might want some personal space and my daughter could very well have been invading it - that didn't bother me much. but seeing the hurt on my babys face and her telling me that her tummy felt yucky just crushed me. I told the mom what my daughter told me and she said she would handle it.

My daughter was enrolled in a before and after care program that she initially LOVED. Over time she started to hate it, like HATE IT. She hasn't gone all summer long. After talking to her, I found out it's because one of the teachers gives her a hard time. My daughter says that this teacher is so mean to her and is always yelling at her about something and being sassy to her. I talked to the director who reassured me that the teacher in question has never raised her voice, but I didn't really think that to begin with. I told the director that my daughter just feels like she's always being picked with/on and the only child at that. My nephews go to the same before and after care and have also told me that this teacher is always nit picking with my girl, even though sometimes my nephews are on her side and other times they are the ones getting her in trouble (this is just kids I guess).

My point is that.... everywhere my daughter goes, there is someone who is making her feel like shit. My mind says that the common denominator is the problem (that would be my daughter, lol) but my heart is telling me that it's something else. She is having trouble making connections, getting her feelings across or getting her feelings hurt and I am TIRED OF IT.

I will admit that she is a bit sassier when I am around, idk the science behind that but whenever I am not there and she is just with my sister, my mom or grandmother, etc. she is good as gold. She is even an angel when it's just her and I! but the minute that someone else is around or even on the phone she sometimes gets smart mouthed and sassy.

I am just looking for advice or an encouraging word. It's important to note that I do not live in lala land and think that my daughter does no wrong -- I will not make excuses for shitty behavior; she can be sneaky and manipulative, but she is also soft and sweet and such a good friend.

thank you for reading.