u/burgerzandburpeez

FTM here. My LO is 5 months old and started going to a home daycare about 3 weeks ago that’s super close to my home.

Before starting, the daycare provider gave me the contact information for previous and current parents. I was able to text them and ask questions. For the most part, they all said the same thing. She is nice, she is affordable, their kids LOVE it, but there’s really no structure. Since my LO is 5 months old, I figured a ton of structure isn’t needed right now.

Here are some things I’m noticing that have me worried:

-I receive pics throughout the day and 50% of the time, the TV is on in the background. It’s also usually on at pick-up. My LO watches sometimes (she loves the TV but we never have it on at home when shes awake).

-I receive zero updates at pick-up unless I ask. None via text either. Just pictures.

-I don’t know what time my baby naps or for how long and I only know how much she eats based off what’s left in the milk jug I get back at pick-up.

-My LO’s wet bib stays on after feedings… all day. Even during naps. I can see it in pics. This is a suffocation hazard, no?

-My LO is in some type of container in pics 85% of the time.

-Daycare provider rushes me out during drop-offs and pick-ups. It’s important for me to build a relationship with the people caring for my baby. Today, she literally (gently) grabbed my shoulder and ushered me out as I tried making small talk 😂

Some positives:
-Daycare provider seems nice and her reviews were all mostly positive.

-When I pick my baby up, she’s happy and engaging with the other kiddos (if TV isn’t on).

-Daycare provider baby talks nicely to her during pick-ups and drop-offs.

-She sends pics!

As mentioned, I’m a FTM so this is really new to me. I have no clue what’s totally normal and what’s not. Any insight is truly appreciated!!

Edit: we are moving in the next 4-6 months so this is temporary. Where I live, daycare facilities require you to sign a 12 month contract at $2,700-$3,200/month. If you back out, you’re still responsible for paying. Since we’re moving soon, a home daycare works best for us right now. But this one seems off to me.

I’ve been on leave for 5 months now. I go back to work next Monday and I’m ELATED. I love my baby. She’s the best. I had a loss before her so I truly feel so grateful to be a mama.

But what the f’ing f. I’m tired, lonely, sad, empty, and overall just blah. I don’t ever have an appetite so I’m unintentionally continuously losing weight which I guess is a plus but I’m also pumping so I feel guilty knowing I’m not filling my body with nutrients for baby.

I’m not young by any means but I’m also not old. I only have like three mom friends and I’m really only tight with one of them. We’re moving soon so making friends here feels pointless. I was in therapy for a bit but like I’m not depressed and I felt like I had nothing to talk about. Tried meds for a while but let’s just say they didn’t work out AT ALL. Adverse reactions that were pretty dangerous.

Idk man. Just so lonely and blah.

I’m sure this is normal but I’m kind of starting to question my decision to have kids. AGAIN!! Love my baby! I’m just tired and it ain’t the kind you can sleep off.

I’m 4 months pp so my LO isn’t a tiny newborn anymore and I guess I’m not freshly pp. The headcount was needed around the time I gave birth. I was not doing well mentally at that time so I declined. I probably could have chosen to go last minute, but I opted not to because I’m still pumping around the clock and quite frankly don’t want to leave my LO for 4 straight days (out of state party).

I’m feeling extremely guilty. My mom questioned me a million times as to why I didn’t go. I see other postpartum moms going to Bach parties all summer. I feel like a terrible friend. They’re doing bar crawls and wine tours and boat trips. How would I have pumped in those instances? I also don’t drink and the only one married with a kid. Also $$$. Pretty pricey things on the agenda. Not to make it about me!! Just adding context I guess.

Am I in the wrong here? Should I have gone and tried to make it work? I fear none of the girls understand my absence as none have children and you don’t know until you know. Ya know?!

Editing to add: I sent her friend organizing it $215 for groceries/booze and mailed her other miscellaneous goodies that I took the time to make myself. I just wanted to do my part despite not attending.

I’m a FTM to a 4 month old and am scheduled to go back to work in the next few weeks. We’ve started taking our LO to daycare twice a week to ease her into it (mostly for me…yay PPA) and I honestly just don’t love it. I hate being away from her and by the time I pick her up, we have maybe a full 60 minutes before her bedtime routine starts.

I’m highly contemplating not going back to work. My husband and I have looked at the numbers and we can definitely make it work on just his salary alone. We’d of course have to tighten our belts and wouldn’t save as much per month but I think it’d be worth it.

The one thing I keep coming back to is the job market and how terrible it is right now. I just wonder what reentering the workforce in 3-5 years would look like for me. I’d also be giving up amazing benefits like great health insurance, 401k, life insurance, HSA, etc.

If you can share your experience, I would greatly appreciate it. I feel very torn so any and all insight is welcome.

My husband has a fairly small family. My MIL passed a few years ago but my SIL and her fiancé live with my FIL. We see them maybe once a month. I see my family every single weekend and we also speak regularly in our group chat. My family asks to get together—9/10 times they initiate getting together. They regularly ask how we’re doing, not just baby. My in-laws only ask for baby updates and they don’t ask to get together. I explained this to my mom recently and she said I have to be the one to initiate seeing them because I’m the woman. Now I know this isn’t true because it’s 2026 and my husband is a very capable man, but I’m second guessing myself here. My FIL will straight up ask “How’s baby. I need pics.” Just like that. I’m not making this up. Neither him nor my SIL have asked how I’m doing postpartum. They have an extremely odd family dynamic that is none of my business—I guess what I’m saying is I don’t care to be the sole person to initiate seeing them.

Should I be the one inviting them over? What should my role be there? My husband and I have been married for two years and our LO is 12 weeks old.

I'm a FTM & 11 weeks pp. I've been seeing a psychiatrist for 7 weeks now due to PPA. I'm still struggling greatly and don't think I can return to work. I'm on Zoloft and actually just restarted therapy yesterday.

I've spoken with my Lincoln financial caseworker regarding my wanting to request STD due to a medical issue but I didn't go into detail. I'm on bonding leave right now following maternity leave, so once this is up in 3 weeks, my case manager will provide me with paperwork my provider will need to complete. Said doctors notes will essentially dictate whether or not my leave is approved/extended.

I guess my question is have you done this via Lincoln Financial and what did you need to do/say to your provider to have them willing to help? I'm overthinking everything and just extremely anxious about this whole process.

I’ve had so many meltdowns at the thought of dropping my baby off at daycare. My husband and I have toured several facilities as well as in-home daycares and only two of them felt “right.” Of course, both are $2,500+ a month.

On top of that, the infant to staff ratio is insane to me and I can’t imagine 2 adults for 8 screaming babies. That thought alone gives me so much anxiety. I just picture my LO laying there crying by herself.

We’re also looking at the possibility of having someone come to our home PT since I work from home, but that gets pricey pretty quickly.

So, how did you do it? I imagine at first it’s difficult then eventually it gets easier.

FTM here. Where I live, childcare is extremely hard to come by due to the insanely long waitlists. I came across a few with last-minute openings, but I’m struggling with the idea of leaving my 14 week old in someone else’s care.

I do WFH about 75% of the time, but I don’t think I’d be able to do my job effectively with LO at home with me. One childcare option is a Montessori school and the other is an in-home daycare. The cost of Montessori is about half of my income after taxes and in-home is only about 20% so it doesn’t make sense for me to quit.

LO still only contact naps and is very much so a velcro baby. We’ve done about 5 daycare tours so far and at each one, the infants are left to cry it out themselves. Sounds dramatic, but I feel nauseous at the thought of my baby not being soothed.

I guess my question is how do you do it? How did you pick your daycare? Do you regret returning to work? Were you a SAHM at any point? I think part of the reason why this is so difficult for me is because I genuinely hate my job as my leadership makes it incredibly difficult to perform simple day-to-day tasks due to micromanaging.

I’m getting emotional even writing this. Advice and words of encouragement are appreciated.

Editing to add that the daycares didn’t explicitly communicate they use the CIO method, however, each tour was long enough for us to see an infant crying for several minutes (10+) and not one employee attempted to soothe or pick the babies up. And it wasn’t because they were busy/had their hands full—they just opted not to.

LO is 10 weeks old and I have 4 weeks left of maternity leave. Where I live, childcare is extremely difficult to come by due to the insanely long waitlists. My husband and I found a few close by that had sudden openings— one is a Montessori school and the other is an in-home daycare, so both very different.

I’m struggling with the idea of going back to work and leaving my 14 week old in someone else’s care. After taxes, about half of my income would go towards daycare (even less if we go with in-home) so it doesn’t really make sense to quit. We could live off of my husband‘s income by tightening our belts but not sure I want to do that just yet.

I guess my question is, did you go back to work and quit shortly thereafter? Did you quit right away? Are you still working? Do you like your current childcare situation? If you quit, do you regret it?

My coworkers have been keeping me in the loop about work stuff and it seems as though they’re trying to push my team out. If this is the case, I almost want to quit and not deal with the bullshit that will most certainly cause me an immense amount of anxiety. Especially when I can be at home with my LO.

Edit: I do WFH 75% of the time but my work policy states we must have childcare in order. Basically can’t have your cake and eat it too. My initial plan was to try and WFH and care for LO. When my boss asked what my arrangements were for childcare, I simply said “most likely a nanny.“ this way, if baby cries, he’ll think she’s with a nanny even though that’s not the case. However, I’m not sure I would be able to do both and produce high-quality work.

My LO will be 10 weeks on Sunday. She sleeps in her bassinet from 9pm-6am with zero issues and has been doing this since she was 5 weeks old so no nighttime issues there (so far). Daytime is a completely different story. She naps just fine but every single one is a contact nap on me on the couch or while I wear her. My back hurts when I wear her frequently throughout the day. Every time I put her down, she wakes up within 5 minutes.

I’m assuming this is normal? Wondering how long it took your LO to nap in their bassinet or crib during the day? Tips appreciated!

Edit: my LO will be starting daycare in about 4 weeks and I’m wondering how naps will work once she’s not with me during the day anymore. Every daycare tour we’ve been on, the staff just let the crying infants cry it out and it made me so, so sad to see.

My 8 week old is healthy and takes about 50% BM + 50% formula. We are looking to transition to powdered formula from RTF. With RTF, I prep several bottles at night for the following day containing half BM, half formula since it’s safe to do so with RTF. Unfortunately, I’m super paranoid about what water to use at home to mix powdered formula with and it has me second guessing if it’s safe to prep several bottles in advance like I did with RTF. I live in the US and usually drink from the filtered water in fridge. If I do this, can I prep bottles overnight for the following day (24 hour rule in mind)?

LO is almost 8 weeks old and currently taking Enfamil Neuropro RTF but will likely transition to the Costco brand powdered formula. I’m also combo feeding with about 50% BM.

My question is what kind of water should I use and how do I mix both? LO is healthy as can be born full term. If I boil water, it’s to kill potential bacteria in powdered formula, do I mix powder in the boiling water then let cool? Do I use distilled? Purified? What are the steps when it comes to mixing?

Don’t see pediatrician for another week so figured I’d ask here first. TIA!

LO is almost 8 weeks old and currently taking Enfamil Neuropro RTF at the moment but will likely transition to the Costco brand powdered formula. I’m also combo feeding with about 50% BM.

My question is what kind of water should I use? LO is healthy as can be born full term. If I boil water, it’s to kill potential bacteria in powdered formula, do I mix powder into the boiling water then let cool before adding BM? Do I use distilled? Purified? Don’t see pediatrician for another week so figured I’d ask here first. TIA!

Couldn’t EBF my LO so I began the EP journey. After 4ish weeks, I legitimately thought I was drowning so I started introducing formula. Through this process, I was pumping less + using cabbage cream, actual cabbage, mint tea, Sudafed, and LOTS OF ICE.

I got down to pumping twice a day but still yielding quite a bit each pump, which got me thinking… LO is already taking formula and I’m only pumping twice a day. I’m not crying all the time anymore, I’m not obsessed over my pumping schedule, and I just feel better overall. Maybe I’ll try it again with zero pressure.

By this point, I feel so much better mentally and not beating myself up every day. So, I am now pumping 4x a day whenever I feel like it using mostly wearables. Baby is taking 75% BM + 25% formula and I’m SO okay with it. Idk what the point of this post is but I just wanted to share because just a few weeks ago I was drowning at the idea of pumping but now I’m doing it happily!!! Motherhood is wild… hormones too!

FTM here-LO is 6 weeks old. Tried my best to BF but couldn't so I EP for 4 weeks. My mental health was terrible and pumping was killing me slowly so I started combo feeding.

I've been cutting back on pumping quite a bit but still yielding 1.5oz after just 1 minute of pumping. I was an overproducer before so I think this is why I'm getting so much after such a short amount of time. I like the idea of continuing to combo feeding so LO is getting some benefits of BM, but not married to it (initial plan was to go full formula but pumping 3x a day seems very manageable now.

My question is, would it be possible to slightly increase pumping time to ~5-10 minutes, 3-4 times a day for the next ~6 months? Will my milk dry out sooner? I would continue to combo feed.

I went through hell getting my milk to decrease so I'm not sure I want to risk that roller coaster again. Almost got mastitis and the engorgement was SO painful.

Any insight is appreciated!

Editing to add I saw an LC who told me to pump 10x a day for 30 mins. I got burnt out so quickly and I firmly believe this turned me into an overproducer/constantly engorged.