u/ContestNo31

TLDR; I fucked up bad on my partners bday weekend and I need ideas to help fix it.

Today’s my partners bday. Saturday, I arranged for their friends and us to go out to dinner. I invited their sister as well but her partner doesn’t like the place we were going to. Sunday, during the week, we had agreed to do laundry at my mom’s house because it’s free and we’re broke. I didn’t have any other festivities planned for them. Since their sister didn’t go to the dinner, they decided they were going to come hang out Sunday. The thing is, nothing is ever set in stone and she just kinda hangs out when she wants. She’s really hard to make plans with and never texts me back when I try to set things up for my partner. (They say no one cares sometimes, I’m trying to show them I do.) Sunday morning our plan was…Finish what we were watching, get ready to go to moms (we had to do laundry and she has it for free) , then leave. I go out and walk the dog and come back to grab the clothes and I’m told “sister is almost here” so all plans were thrown up in the air now. I don’t know what’s going on because I thought we were leaving. I’m trying to figure out when we’re doing laundry and going to get our daughter because they talk a lot and will not make it super quick. So I asked questions and instead of answering them, they just changed the plans without talking to me, again. I didn’t like that and I flipped, panic and confused. (I’m on the and/autism spectrum so switches like that are hard for me and I was just trying to figure out the plan but they kept doing things to it). They told me to stop asking and to leave them alone because they were getting triggered. I know I messed up here. I kept pushing and pushed for an answer. Long story short, things blew up and things go thrown. Their sister dropped off a cake and pizza and just left without saying hi. And laundry still isnt done.
My problem/question here is, how do I fix this?? They’re super mad, heart broken right now, and keep going on a BPD spiral.
I WAS going to give them another present today (their actual birthday) and get a cake with the decorations they requested and do nice things today as well. But since sister brought a cake, they also told me not to get one, so….yeah. I thought about getting a writing thing for the cake to still put the decorations they wanted on it. And I threw the present at them yesterday….

I (31) already know I’m the asshole here. But let’s start. My issue is, I still think I’m kinda right…..,

It’s my partners bday(35) weekend (asshole strike #1 I think). During the week, we agreed to hang out at my mom’s house so we (me) can laundry. We went out last night and they were trying to arrange something with their sister today. (Strike #2 because I said this next thing to them) it’s not technically their birthday. Their birthday is during the week. So the plan was finish what we were watching, get ready to, then go to moms, hang out, do laundry. They agreed. Their sister was going to hang out with us but it’s usually up in the air on many things. Next thing I know it’s she’s coming over here. I said when did this change and when are we doing laundry. Because we have a lot of it. Instead of giving me an answer they just text their sister to actually go to my mom’s house. And said oh it’s okay, I’ll just tell her to go there. I still didn’t have an answer. I didn’t ask for them to change it, I wanted an answer. After asking a few times what happened they said “she texted me that she was on the way and so I told her to just come here” (I was outside when this happened and came back to start this). By that point things have already exploded. They had asked to leave them alone and I was already worked up because I’m on the adhd/autistm spectrum and changes to plans are hard for me and always shake me up and confuse me. So instead of leaving them alone, I said no not until I get an answer. Which escalated it more. Later they got into my face about it and told me to stop or something and I still pushed a button and said something. So I know I’m the asshole here. And there are probably a bunch of questions. But I was to know, am I just the asshole? And how do I fix this.

I don’t even know how to further explain that. But I mess up a lot. I drop things, I spill things, I knock things over, I’m directionally challenged (I’m the main driver unfortunately). I call myself the reverse mutis touch. Everything I touch turns to shit.

Edit for situation example that literally just happened: I’m just trying to eat my lunch and a piece of chicken fell onto my desk out of my deep bowl.

I’m also super forgetful 😭

My dress isn’t really typical bouquet style dress. I made a joke of carrying my dad’s urn down the aisle. Otherwise I wouldn’t know what to do with my hands

Edit: the dress was asked for.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Weddingsunder10k/s/LhRqdm9uZ9