r/CongratsLikeImFive

It’s very complex, I was definitely selected by an abuser who recognized the complexity of my CPTSD and thought they would simply manipulate me. I can’t do anything about it sadly, because it took too long to realize and now I’m financially controlled and isolated from everyone else, BUT I KNOW and in a few minutes I’m going to run a shower and whisper to myself “I’m not crazy, you’re abusive, and we are going to survive you and get out.” TIA for celebrating the microstep with me. I don’t have to be a punching bag and my brain listened to that as the truth!!! That’s the very first tiny micro step!!!!!

TW. depression talk, suicide/self harm mentioned, brief assault mention as well

i feel kind of silly posting here when im not even halfway done yet, but yk. baby steps.

im moving this month & by far the hardest part to tackle has been my bedroom. it doesnt help that im NOT excited for the move, i feel more resigned than anything else, but it has to be done. ive been through two years of very intense depressive episodes in this room. a suicide attempt & several plans to take my life took place in here, lots & lots of relapses too, so many breakdowns .. its made it rather hard to clear this space out because i keep finding things that remind me of how much ive struggled in here.

ive already found several razors, both new & used, lots of cigarette butts (arguably more shameful, i was very proud of my recovery from nicotine addiction & i hate being reminded of how far ive falled back down :( tearing up a little talking about it now haha). i found my old mental hospital notebook from last year, when i really started crashing out. i found the pair of panties that was ripped off of me when i got assaulted while living here. old dishes that i feel great shame about when bringing back out to the kitchen. just so much. & its not over yet. i feel like i need help to clean it all out, but i dont feel comfortable letting them in until im sure ive thrown out every cig butt & razor, & i dont trust that theyll all be gone until the whole room is cleared .... so im sticking with toughing this out by myself.

im taking a little break right now. i have the rest of this month to get everything out & its kind of scary. but im happy that im getting closer to seeing this cursed room be emptied. ughgfhhbd

Anyone who knows me (using an anonymous account haha) knows I’m usually the first to spend on friends and family, but the absolute last person to ever buy myself anything nice. I’ve just always preferred treating others.

But recently, I decided it was finally time to mark a personal milestone. At 26, after a lot of focusing, saving, and quiet hard work, I treated myself to something I’ve wanted for a long time: a brand new Rolex.

Honestly, it feels pretty surreal to look down and see it on my wrist. It’s definitely out of my comfort zone to spend like this on myself, but I'm incredibly grateful to be in a position to do it. Back to long nights and a lot of programming work now, but just wanted to share a moment I'm proud of with people I don't know. It's a small reminder to just follow the process and what is due will come!

Mostly I live a sedentary lifestyle and I’m ashamed of it, always wanted a change but could never stick to it. I went on a trip to my home country and just walked around all day every day, landing at around 20 thousand steps per day! I have a walking pad at home that I’ve been struggling with motivation to use but I feel like I had a good start now with walking outside

I’v spent the last few months living a lifestyle that was almost completely flipped over when it’s actually daytime where I live. i’v spent countless hours awake all night and asleep all day. today, I was actually able to wake up, (compared to the waking up at 6-7 pm at my worst) at around 1:30pm and feel refreshed. My sleep schedule isn’t perfect yet but we’re getting there and I’m feeling a renewed sense of hope for life. I’m even going to an all day first aid course that I signed up for tomorrow that starts at 10:30 am. I’m autistic and sleeping in the way I need to hasn’t always been easy. wish me luck boys and girls.

I was thinking about this for like a year, and finally sat down and started. It's a big thing for me, because I struggle with concentration ( I have ADHD and autism at the same time)

Andd what is best, I liked the process, so in future writing for me wont be that hard! I also learned some new vocabulary in foreign language ( English)

Yesterday I hit 5 years cigarette free!!!!!

For context ive been struggling with severe depression, dissociation, autistic burn out, and ALOT of anger wich was cause by MANY factors moslty related to the fact I dont have the help I need such as a therapist nor psychiatrist.

I started thinking and looked online for ways to make myself cry along with learning how to turn anger into sadness, an actor showing how she cries on demand, ect.

I decided to look up a song I heard alot when I was younger during a not so great time in my life, held my hand to my chest and started slowly breathing as I thought about both the time the song reminded me of, but also the current reason why I was upset and mentally tried naming what I felt and why, along with a bit of fake crying until the tears actually came out.

I started thinking about the fact I was angry because I felt everything was kinda burning down around me because of things I wont fully get into here and the lack of support, I prefer being sad over being angry because I feel alot more like myself when im sad over angry...if that makes any sense.

The issue is that anger is alot weaker of an emotion than sadness, ive been proven that time and time again for YEARS, but id prefer if I could learn being direct over angry.

Well more than one year but still. Yay!

It was my "chosen mom"'s birthday on Friday, and I get to see her in a few hours to give her her gift and spend time with her. I made a batch of her mother's recipe for sugar cookies, and it was my first time ever baking. I also made her a handmade card.

The last time I handmade a card was for mothers Day when I was 6. My bio mother was having a bad day, and she ripped it up in front of me after I gave it to her. Ever since I promised myself I'd never make anything for anyone ever again because I didn't want to go through that heartache.

But my mom is different. She will be grateful, and she hardly ever shows her frustration at anyone. I know she will be happy to receive her gifts, but I am still a little anxious.

But I made a thing and I'm so proud of myself!

for the past few months I've been stuck in a cycle of setting five alarms and somehow still feeling rushed every morning. I'd always hit snooze "just one more time," then end up scrambling to get ready before work

this week I finally managed to get up with my first alarm every single day. it sounds so small, but having those extra 20 or 30 minutes has made my mornings feel so much calmer. I've actually had time to eat breakfast, make coffee without rushing, and leave the house without feeling stressed. I'm hoping I can keep the streak going, but I'm really proud of myself for making it through a full week

Went to a 4th of July BBQ and stayed sober THE WHOLE TIME. I’ve been sober for a little over a week (thanks naltrexone) but this was the first party I went to!

Feeling pretty accomplished!

My financial situation is absolute trash, and I continue to struggle with anxiety/depression, but I’m alive. I got to be surrounded by friends yesterday, got bought dinner and drinks, and had the chance to enjoy this milestone.

When I was a teenager, I never thought I would make it to 20. I was a closeted trans guy that thought coming out would never be possible. Now I’m slowly taking steps to get my financials better so I can start saving for top surgery.

I can only hope past me would be proud, if not just surprised, that I’m still alive and kicking it. Taking everything day by day, but man I’m alive. I have a wonderful group of friends that make it worthwhile.

I hope I have a better decade and prove to my younger self that everything is gonna be worth it.

I stopped smoking 2 months ago and it’s been so hard you guys have no idea. I know 2 months isn’t a lot of time but I’m still proud of what I have achieved so far.

It’s really crazy how time flies. I remember the day 6 years ago when I first got my gym membership and didn’t know anything about training or working out. 4 years later I got my personal trainer certificate and now I’ve been the one showing people how to work out and how to do the exercises correctly. If you’re doubtful about something it’s always better to take the risk and start because I wouldn’t be the person I am today if I didn’t show up to the gym that day.

I finally cleaned my room properly instead of just moving things around. i went through everything, threw out trash, organized stuff, and made it actually look decent. what surprised me is that it has stayed that way for a few days now. usually i let it get messy again really fast but i have been keeping up with it a bit. it feels like a small change but it is noticeable for me

I drove 6hrs to stay at my friends for the weekend and knew they were having a July 4th party. Originally i was going to let myself get drunk, but then I found out there would be more stuff at the party, and also i wouldn’t know anyone besides my friend.

I’ve never had a diagnosed problem w alcohol or substances, but I think I’ve used them in definitely the wrong ways before, and I’ve really been working on myself lately and I’m worried i would do more than drinking if i stayed.

I’m sad to be leaving my friend two days early and to be spending the 4th alone on a long drive haha, but part of me is so proud of myself. Old me would have 100% stayed and used it as an excuse to go all in. I know i might miss out on some fun, and wish i could wear the cute outfit i had planned hahah, but ik im doing what’s best for my body and health

I have some old >!self harm!< scars on my arm that developed pretty bad keloids, and after years of just being ashamed of them and hiding them I finally reached out to get treatment, I got a first round of cortisone treatment a week ago, and I noticed they were actually visibly less swollen and red. I haven't allowed myself to really feel much other than just shame and the need to hide them due to why I have them, and realizing that they might actually be getting better just absolutely flooded me with emotions of hope. I cried for like an hour, I felt like for the first time in years that I my scars won't define me forever, that there actually is hope. I don't know how to describe the extent of my feelings, I just really really needed to tell someone. I feel like I dare to hope, to get better. Not just physically healing my old scars but mentally too. (Thank you for reading)

(edit: grammar/autocorrect)

I passed my Anatomy and Physiology class!!

I was so scared going into it and I thought I wasn’t smart enough but I got 98%, 98% and 96% on the lecture exams, 90% on the final lecture exam, and 103% out of 104 possible, 102% out of 103 possible, and 106% out of 106 on the lab practicals!

I’m not sure if this is the place for this but I get too scared to talk about my academic accomplishments in real life because I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging, but I’m just so excited and relived! I feel like I might’ve actually picked the right major.

I stopped myself from mentally rehearsing what i was going to say before saying it today and just spoke normally instead. it was in a casual conversation and i didn’t stumble over my wordss as much as i thought i would which suirprised me. usually i over plan every sentence so this felt kind of freeing even if it was just for a few minutes