u/smol-puppy-ears

I spent my entire 20s as a "stay at home girlfreind" in a "bdsm" relationship that was actually abusive. Let's call him Ryland. I met Ryland at a grocery store we both worked at, he worked customer service, I bagged groceries. Things moved fast, he bought us a home. He got a job as a car salesman a few years after we started dating, he was good at it made very good money. I was diagnosed with a chronic illness and quit the grocery store job.

Ryland developed a porn addiction and couldn't stop himself from going to the strip clubs to blow his salesman money. He began to act more and more hostile over time, I knew I had to get out. I knew I was going to lose everything.

When I tried to leave, he put holes in the wall and was arrested for trapping me in the bathroom and criminal damage to property. The police said they were DV charges. I left that house and lost the life I knew overnight. Ryland went to jail and I left forever. I lost My home, posessions, and german shepherd dog.

I am now happily married to another man. Let's call him Anthony.

Since escaping, I have a home with Anthony, had therapy, got married, got my driver's license, got treatment for an eating disorder, learned how to cook, and even enrolled in college.

I broke free ❤️

Title.. ugh. Why am I like this? No goals, aspirations, no desires, I'm perfectly content being catatonic.

I am bubbly, friendly and like to help people, and take a sense of security in doing the same things over and over again as a high functioning autistic. I have EDS, so I need a sitting job as well. Would front desk patient registrar be a good job for me? ​

I'm taking next term off due to burnout, but I when I get back, Eng 130 is next for me.

Is this class super time consuming or difficult?

Thanks.

I don't want to do anything, ever. My avolition is *crippling*. I can't even manage to drive or shower because I just *don't give a fuck about anything*. No hobbies, no desires, no motivation, just chained to the house every day because I can't manage to leave it and do anything. My life is passing me by. I cant work anymore due to paranoia, avolition, and disorganized thinking.

I hate this illness so fucking much.

I am schizophrenic and unable to work because of it. I need my abilify to function and stay safe, but cannot drive or focus properly on college because my of my ADHD.

My psychiatrist said we can't have me on ADHD meds due to my psychosis. Do I ask for a non stimulant option? I need to be able to focus behind the wheel and in school.