r/schizophrenia

I am on clozapine and noticed that if I take my med at night I dont produce a lot of semen (ejaculate) however if I take my med later I produce more semen not much though. I hope it's enough to have a baby. Is anyone on clozapine or another antipsychotic and managed to have children ?

I’m curious if anyone else had an “Aha!” Moment of there being something wrong. Like when you realized you were schizophrenic or that you weren’t like everyone else. I’m 23 and have lived with paranoia since I was 16. When I was 19 it got progressively worse to the point I slept with a knife next to me at night and was convinced every room in my house had a different monster in it that wanted to get me. I thought I just had bad anxiety and was dealing with it poorly. I had been on anxiety meds before which helped my social anxiety but the paranoia remained and I was like “oooh so these are my natural human survival instincts and once again I’m just doing a really bad job at dealing with it. How the hell do other people handle this shit?” It wasn’t until I was 22 and I was convinced my whole family was dead did it hit me that something was wrong. I went back into therapy and when I turned 23 is when I started to have some actual visual hallucinations because up until that point I would see stuff like monsters and faces but they were in my head as like a projection, if that makes any sense?? But it was then that my psychiatrist was like “you have schizophrenia” and I never once considered that to be an option for some reason.

Did anyone else have an “oh there is something wrong with me” moment or was it apparent and you could figure it out pretty easily?

Does anyone else feel like when they watch stuff on tv with real human beings, the actors are just saying their lines and are actually talking to you with their expressions in response to your thoughts? Like the acting is second and the communication between me and the actors is the priority of them being on my screen. Now I listen to the radio or watch anime to minimise this.

Certains ont peur de sortir ? Comment combatez-vous la peur ?

Je suis autiste et schizophrène.

Aujourd'hui je suis plutôt stable, c'est difficile de resté stable en vrai quand je n'arrive pas à dormir, que le moindre bruit me surtimule, que j'entend des murmures et que suis paranoïaque vraiment très parano.

Mais la plupart du temps ça va j'ai l'impression de vivre normalement j'ai mis beaucoup de choses en place sur cet 3 dernieres années pour mieux gérer et éviter les crises de psychoses, j'ai reussi à déménager pour me sentir plus safe , retrouver un espace à moi, je me suis conditionner à savoir rentrer en toute sécurité si je perd pied avec la réalité dans la rue, j'ai des regles bien précises, des playlists pour mieux supporter pendant la période ou je suis en psychoses et plein d'autre choses encore.

Au depart quand ça a commencé (je parle de ma schizophrenie, l'autisme à toujours été présent) j'avais presque 21 ans je venais de commencer la formation que j'ai toujours voulu, je venais de demenager pour pouvoir faire cette formation et en un declin j'ai perdu mon cocon, mon entourage j'ai du arreter ma formation et je ne trouvais pas de psychiatre, les urgences ne me prenait pas au sérieux je vous épargnes les idées violentes que j'y ai entendu, en 1 semaine je n'arrivais plus à penser, parler, je ne mangeais pas juste je marchais mecaniquement au centre de formation, ou on balançais des rumeur comme quoi je me droguais, je n'avais jamais consommé de drogue ou d'autre subtence.

Mon partenaire à l'époque ma trouvé une psychiatre, ça ma aidé sur le moment, j'ai quand meme du arreté ma formation, apres ça petit à petit mon cerveau etait sous un fort dosage de médoc, je ne vivais plus je n'étais plus là, j'était la plupart du temps isolé seul, etant un poid pour la personne qui était mon copain qui donnais tout ce qu'il pouvait mais avait besoin d'espace pour lui aussi,on a decidé de rester juste ami. J'ai vecu un gros traumatisme une fois suite à une crise psychotique bref j'étais vraiment au plus bas, j'ai quand meme reussi à faire une rencontre amicale, je voulais que ca reste juste amical à l'époque, avec la venu de l'AAH j'ai pus redemenagé dans ma ville de base refaire mon cocon, voir mon meilleur ami plus souvent sans etre un poid, me stabilisé, baisser mon traitement retrouvé ma rapidité d'esprit mon humour et commencé un servicr civiqur dans le domaine que je voulais pour mon avenir. Je suis stabilisé mais j'ai beaucoup de sequelle, de peur,des murmure dans les oreilles qui parfois devienne plus fort et me rentre des idées de persecution ou de parano, de culpabilité pour mon entourage et c'est dur defois de juste me dire que ca ne reviendras pas et que je suis une bonne personne aujourd'hui.

IMPORTANT!! - I am not discouraging anyone to change/stop their medication directed by a doctor, I am simply showing my side of the story as a warning/procaution of what can happen and to get feedback from others and spread awareness.

Before I get into the meat and potatoes, lets lay some things down, I've had symptoms since I was about 5-8 (cant pin point since my memory is so F'ed) - Suicidal and agressive thoughts/beheviour (I would attack others/myself - even family with no apperent reason), I was always incredibly anti-social and had audiotory (mainly - 2-3 times daily increasing with stress) and visual hallucinations (less - 1-2 a week), it was all broken down into "oh, he's just going through a phase" or "he's just trying to get some attention" which made things even worse.

I first got help at around 14/14.5 when post surgery (Opioid anesthesia, because apperantly that changes things a little) I went full on crazy, destroying things, homocidal thoughts and actions (thank god nothing serious happened to others or me - other than my mental), full on insomnia, always being so on edge that simply the fridge making the slightest noise would make me put dents in it with items/elbow and keep on rageing for hours, I got some medication which i cant remember what it was but it didn't do jack (pink circular pills, with some symbol i think).

Then I got switched to a different doc and got put on a tradozone/aripiprazole/xanax (for panic/anxiety attacks) and some sleeping medication which I cant remember what it was and after some time other meds besides aripiprazole were laid off.

First, it was amazing! I could sleep, I could talk to others without thinking of ending them! I stopped thinking about suicide, BUT THEN... the medication has left it's mark on me and now (17 almost 18) I am fighting to function and to keep my life out of shambles while on a MUCH lower dose (now 15mg).

Lets get into the things I've experienced (negative):

1. Restlessness - I can legit do about 10Km just walking around a 60-70Sq-m home in a few hours - GREAT for weightloss which is much needed when taking this medication (next point). - from start.

2. Weightgain - eating roughtly 1K-1.5K Kcals while my calculated maintenance with activity comes out to 3K-3.2K Kcals makes some difference otherwise I just gain/stall weight (weekly/monthly basis) so I have to quiet litterally starve for weeks to lose some weight. - from start.

3. Jerky/stiff/involuntary/shaky movements - quiet a new addition to the pool of negatives but a very serious one, ranging from just a little tremor in hands (no matter if i ate or not in the last hours - saying this to avoid "low blood sugar" comments) to full on spasms (abdominal/legs) that make me almost fall out off my bed, also sometimes those are accompanied with "electric pulses??" in abdominal area. - about half a year now.

4. Lack of impulse control all over - gambling (illegal I know), sexual, going on shopping sprees, drug addiction (thankfully those less intense - alcohol/caffeine), collectively I thrown away about 2K$ (from my savings + some borrowed) in those years (15-almost 18) which here where I am from its a lot. - almost from start.

5. Dryness in mouth - nothing too serious but presistent. - about since 16.

6. Slurred speech - words come out mumbled/slow/very quiet or just plain out wrong. - about half a year.

7. Prolonged and painfull erections lasting up to hours at times - a few times I though I would need medical attention because of the pain. - from about 15/16 but rarely happen.

8. Memory loss/blackouts in memory - honestly I needed to look my notes up (which I am presenting to my doc) to refresh myself at this point and see which other negatives I've encountered. I can put things down/away, say something and forget or have full on blackouts in memory (ranging from minutes to hours). - from start.

Not another point in the negatives because those things came out from those point being on top of eachother:

1. Lack of school attendence (i've pissed away 2 years of school, now in a online schooling system where you dont need attendence and I do just fine - roughly averaging 85% on most tests/exams) (caused by point 4 I think the most but also 7 and 6).

2. People think that I am a full on tweaker (druggie) because I shake, I move weirdly and speak weird (point 3, 1 and 6).

So is there anything else? Well the only things that helps me is using my imagination of what my life could be without those things, music also helps to an extent (both more mentally than actually), thankfully I've been able to lay off the drugs lately but still the problem presists, wish me luck with my next appointment with doc so he can see the problem and take me off those awfull pills.

If anyone has questions more personal or not I am happy to answer them in comments -regarding the symptoms, how did they emerge or how exactly did they affect me.

Have a happy day everyone and make sure you or your loved once are okay!

I just to connect with something, anything. I want to feel again. I’m sick of not feeling a damn thing and going through life unmoved, and I don’t know what the answer is. If it was easy to actually die, I’d do that.

I experience a lot of delusions e.g. I'm being stalked, people are watching me, my teddies eyes have cameras in them, my phone is bugged, the inanimate objects around me are real and can see me, Anubis reached out to me to show me the different universes and levels of consciousness etc etc. Sometimes I get really anxious and I start taking precautions, but sometimes, I'm like yeah I'm being stalked and everyone is watching me but I genuinely don't care. Let them do that. I'm just gonna continue doing whatever and whatever happens happens. Does anyone have any insight into why its like that? Thanks

I feel when I talk to doctors about negative symptoms they don't take me seriously nor they have a solution for it.

I don't know what this is, but I am just truly disgusted with mankind, and the fact that I'm apart of it. Everyone just seem so *fake* y'know? Anyone you talk to seems to have some ulterior motive.

Men want physical things; they want to hear your validation, they want to see your eyes on them, they want to feel your body. Women want information; they want to crawl in your head and use everything against you.

I'm religious and I hate even speaking to other believers because any time they talk about God, their interpretation just so happens to line up with their modern political views. It's all so sick!

Everyone I meet is the villain of someone elses story. They could be a manipulator, a groomer, a goddamn serial killer and I just wouldn't know! But still I have to be friendly with them.

I sound so narcissistic and evil. Like who tf am I to get up on my high horse like this? I just can't stand being around people and I don't know why. Even watching them from the sidelines it's like I'm some sort of alien watching another species. Why am I like this? What is happening?

I am so tired of all of this. I don’t want to live anymore. I am soo hurt and nothing heals the wound. I want to die. I hate schizophrenia. I had such a high in psychosis that i was feeling so good now everything is crashing down on me. Nothing helps no medicine can heal this. I am so deep in depression. Please just let me die.

I have always had trouble connecting with people even when I was young and had friends it was hard and I never actually felt it. I don’t really connect with my parents all that strongly, it’s almost like nothing. It use to bother me a lot more than it does, I’d think about it a lot and wonder why. I do have a hearing problem that makes sound feel like knives on the brain so I started dissociating young, about as soon as I was conscious I remember dissociating in the classroom. I don’t understand why I can’t really feel the connections when I had my friends around. I’ve been alone with just my parents for 10 years, I can’t remember the last time I talked to someone irl that was my age that wasn’t working at a store or something. I don’t understand really.

The schizos are being burnt by the fires of rejection. We are under attack by the demagogues that run around as "normal" and "healthy". I am sick and tired of the hatred imposed by the "sane" elitists. Often at school I will hear fools cracking jokes about our condition, belittling and demonizing us. I say we should (peacefully) protest and organize more around our shared frustrations.

Perhaps we must form a pride, not at all analogous to nationalism. But closer to the pride of continuously overcoming the challenge of being in the minority. We are still here, waiting for a stigma-less time, but we must act now to deliver onto future generations the prosperity we deserve today.

I find online such hatred, such prejudice, such disgust in our lives. I suppose the difference between the stigma we face, and other groups is that our stigma is so much more ingrained in the media, humor, etc. Schizophrenia is now a shorthand for stupidity, violence, evil at large. And it makes me mad.

We must unite and protest because we all deserve a better future today (sorry if I sound overly emotional, I'm just pissed off A LOT).

Ever since I was a little kid I had my heart set on joining the military, My dream was to join the Marine Corps. Then later on in high school I got diagnosed with Skitzophrenia and now I cannot join the service due to medications I take. Anyone else have similar experiences?

Schizophrenics live less long than the general population. I am not here for a long time, but I will be here for a good time.

I am madly in love with life, in spite of its relentless brutality.

Today I am 32 years old. I estimate I will be around for another 18 years before my organs give out.

I read that schizophrenia shortens a life with 25 years; the shortening is caused by shitty living: too many pizzas, beers, and cigarettes.

Those three things happen to be among my favorites. Perhaps it is a self-fulfilling prophecy, but I don’t think I can take this living very long.

Time is tearing me a new one. Life is extremely intense; even at cozy Italian restaurants I can feel my unruly nerves.

I love well-cooked food. I was put on this planet to indulge on various delicacies. I am simply here to appreciate fine cooking. I love hanging out at restaurants.

I have been blessed with the ability to appreciate, to indulge. I take visiting restaurants seriously.

I never go to the fancy places — my economy does not allow it. I target mid-tier Italian, Spanish, Chinese, and Japanese joints. I usually order beer and coffee with my succulent meal. On my deathbed I will know I experienced good cooking, that I occasionally managed to get my unruly nerves under control, and got peace from my mental anguish.