"Hi! Nice to meet you! What do you do?"
Most of us have encountered this at least more than once. After about the 12th time, I thought I'd start baffling people with bullshit responses and never answer the question, or just give them a curveball they don't know what to do with. Keep in mind this is limited to social gatherings with people you'll never see again, folks on the subway/bus etc, and not to someone you're on a date with or whatever. I try to make it into a fun game. (All of these are false, so don't be alarmed.)
Some personal favorites:
"I sell crack to kids."
"I work in a secret underground donut factory. They don't like us giving out the location because too many people ask for free samples."
"I had problems with my fuckin' boss and they fired me, so I'm between jobs. What did I do to get fired? I told him I was going to shove my bassoon up his ass. I wonder if a flute may have been better received?"
We need a "humor" flair.
Hopefully somebody on this sub gets a laugh at one of these. In all seriousness, there are actually some teeth to the saying "Humor is the best medicine." Sz is a bitch, comic relief can help at the appropriate times.