r/selfimprovement

I have a huge ego and it's starting to get me in trouble. I always walk around thinking I am smarter than everyone else. Half the people I talk to, I am thinking in my head "Gosh I am so much smarter than you." I am always insanely quick to judge others and I always believe I am right. Though when I know I am wrong I will admit it. I am an extremely harder worker and I get frustrated with other people who decide not to work hard, leading me to believe I am "better than everyone else".

I keep getting in trouble for being rude and talking back. I have trouble with teachers at school since I always question what they say. Sometimes I feel like I am 10 times smarter than my teachers as well. And I admit, I am totally rude to them at times. I just really struggle and disagree with their teaching style and the way they do their jobs. I could do it so much better. (This is just one example of my negative mindset and how I live)

How do I learn how to be less judgemental? How can I learn how to be humble? I want to be better. I know I will be happier and less alone if I can stop thinking I'm above the rest. But as awful as it sounds, I truly do believe myself when I say "I am better than everyone around me". I want to change that though. Any advice?

I'll go first:

You see someone on the street, and essentially what you notice about them is the flaw.

I don’t meet the demands of this world and I don’t want to. I’m tired of performing how everyone says I must only to be left with nothing worth caring about. I don’t even want friends anymore, just leave me alone to be with my mind, nobody’s presence is worth the incessant reminders of my shortcomings. The more I invest in meeting the demands of reality the more I become unlike myself, distanced from everything that matters to me. The version of me that faces this world and its demands is bitter and watching it take control is like witnessing my own death. 

Everyone else already has friends or can make them with a normal amount of effort. The presence of others is comfortable or even energizing to them. Others face employment as if it’s just the next step of life and not like the coffin it is for me. It must be nice to have a career or field of work that aligns with your aspirations. All I want is to create the stories and worlds that exist in my mind. Even creative fields have you abused in working on somebody else’s vision, the work is frantic and provides little security, especially now that AI exists. There’s no space in this world where I get to feel like I belong.

My partner wants to get married and have kids, I lose my financial support and independence if I marry, how could I possibly support a child? Even in my relationship I am being made to face challenges I cannot overcome. Even if I want those things myself I just don’t see how I could do it, and so my relationship has an expiry date. I don’t even feel like I can talk with my family because of the dissonance, being around them makes me feel so worthless and empty. I don’t get to feel seen or loved because of the prescribed way of life I am incompatible with.

26M. Severely depressed, have been for years.
It's been incredibly hard to find it in me to love/respect myself enough to wash my hair, brush my teeth, eat healthy, work out, take myself out on solo dates, etc. I rarely cry anymore, but I did cry today because the reality of my life just got to me.

I've been this way since around covid. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, every time I go to the grocery store or drive by the gym or a park, etc. I see people who are out and about living their lives, looking happy and looking beautiful and full of life, and I just wish that could be me as well, but my soul feels so broken all the time and something dark inside is telling me I'm not worthy of such things. I don't want to reach 30 and still be in this state. I only have energy to work, and I just sleep all day on my days off. I don't want to spend the rest of my 20's just living to die, I truly despise what I've done with my 20's thus far and it breaks my heart like nothing ever has.

I only really have the energy to do the utmost for my hygiene when I'm going out with friends, or going on a date (which hasn't gone well for me) and I feel so drained afterward.

My soul feels exhausted, I really don't want to end up doing something bad to myself, I don't want to hurt the people I love and I don't want to disappoint my younger self. I guess this is a soft cry for help.

So my question is, how do you guys find it in yourselves to do even the simplest of tasks and LIVE life every day, and show yourselves the self love/respect needed to do so?

Many people here suggest quitting doom scrolling for mental health improvement, but mostly they don't share the hands-on experience. I'd like to create this post that would gather lived benefits of quitting doom scrolling, that one day maybe would encourage someone to quit too.

I'll start - I'm 3 months off after scrolling daily for hours basically since Instagram Reels was released, and I'm shocked how big an impact it had on my mental health.

- My attention span is longer.
- I can read books and knit again without being bored.
- Ordinary activities like washing dishes release dopamine again.
- Falling asleep became much faster since my mind can handle simply lying in bed.
- Often I don't put on headphones while walking my dog because I can just be in my head.
- Being in my head without disruptions allows me to digest stress from work faster.

And many more secondary benefits lined up from lower dopamine levels, better stress digestion, improved sleep, more time for hobbies, etc. The sensible effect came after 2 weeks off, and 1 month was a breakthrough of the new, calmer, and more present me.

The platforms like TikTok, Reels, and Shorts are ridiculous, the content is 90% pure brainwashing, and I'm convinced that I'll never ever do this to my brain ever again.

I am all the time wondering why some people can make a speech in front of many people without ever being troubled or agitated; they talk naturally and at ease, and they never fail to catch the attention of the audience, while I, every time I talk in front of people, ever since I was in middle school, I get extremely nervous and anxious and start overthinking about how I am perceived...etc., and then the content of my speech just loses credibility. If someone has gone through and has some advice to offer, I would really appreciate your help.

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I'm 36 years old, and I have held a pretty decent-paying job for the past decade, with a satisfactory amount of money in my savings and retirement accounts. Given where I started in life, I should be very proud of myself. However, I still don't feel like an adult. I'm unmarried, I'm childless, and I don't own a home or any property. On top of that, I feel incredible internal pressure to change that right now. I thought I was close to achieving that with my ex, but that went sideways. Now, I feel like I'm super laser-focused on marriage and children more than anything because I feel like I'm running out of time. I will not even consider a second date if I see a trace of a red flag in someone. Am I the only one feeling this way? Am I running out of time?

I’m trying to get away from getting sucked into scrolling on my phone all the time and would like to find some ways to educate myself a little more. I’m looking for a skill or a hobby that I can learn online but I know a lot of things a best learned in person. Things I’m looking into are piano, sewing, foreign language, photography, and art classes. What was your favorite thing to learn online? Open to all suggestions!

I'm a 26 year old guy living in sweden, and as the title says, I'm a virgin. And not for a lack of trying, I've just never managed to get any further than a handful of first dates. And while I'd say that I'm overall happy with what I've achieved in my life in general (steady job, a good degree, I have friends, I don't hate myself or the way I look, I have hobbies) the fact that I'm a virgin is getting to me more and more every year.

Not because I desperately crave sex for the sake of sex, but obviously I want that too, but knowing that no woman has looked at me and thought "I want to have sex with him" just really hurts. I know that it's getting more and more common to be a virgin at this age, but I still know that I've long since passed the average age to lose it. And that doesn't make me feel bad because of societal pressure or whatever. It's just another little thing that I can't help but think about. One extra little thing that my insecurities tell me shows that I'm just not worthy of love.

I've talked about this before and one comment I often get is how it's actually not that hard or even a big deal to lose your virginity, and seeing that just makes me feel like an idiot. It's not hard at all, so what does that say about me? And I don't want to think like that. I don't want it to ruin my mental health like it is, I don't want it to occupy my mind like this. But it does and I'd be lying if I said that it's not a big deal. I can't just tell myself that it's a social construct or whatever. It's not all I think about, but when I'm laying in bed late at night feeling sad and lonely it comes out. My friends tell me that I'd be such a great boyfriend, but I just find it so hard to believe and I just don't know what to do.

Hey, chronic people pleaser here. Whenever I notice that someone doesn't really like me or is annoyed by me, I see it as a challenge. I chase after proving them wrong and showing them I am actually as likeable as I think I am.

As you can tell, it is very harmful behaviour and causes me to disrespect myself constantly. I have a fragile ego and deep down, I don't really think I am that likeable. I think that I am pretty annoying and socially unaware. My ADHD causes some social friction for me, so I get insecure about it.

Any advice?

Today is another good day I woke up feeling positive. I slept pretty good I didn't wake up with any unpleasant lingering dreams.

My day started out planning what I needed to get done by journaling. This way I don't have to retain whats in my head. It makes it easier so I'm not overwhelmed with info.

Today I plan on helping people who may need some encouragement or uplift today. I plan on buying a meal or 2 for some one in need. I also plan to sit down with someone I think just needs someone to let out there frustrations, someone that's not judgemental that they can relate to.

It's a pretty decent day here in Boston Ma. So I'm going to spend the day out and about looking for someone who may need a shoulder to lean on.

I will approach with caution and humbleness because not everyone wants to open up and talk. I just can't assume just because I feel good that they feel good too. Some people also have mental illnesses so you have to be careful.

Well family with that said have a positive and prosperous day. Thanx for letting me share -One Day Forward One Day Behind -Shawn

I have accepted the breakup and have been moving on. But every now and then still, I get sad thinking about my ex and wonder what she is up to (I haven't checked her Instagram for some time now).

What I realized is at the initial post breakup where things were still fresh, I had thoughts of improving myself here and there, fitness, knowledge, looks. But now as time went on and the pain lessened (it's still painful though), I don't seem to have as much motivation to self-improve and implement those plans.

Not that I don't have it totally, but it seems to be dwindling because I think pain is what makes people motivated to take action to move further from the pain.

What advice do you have to self-improve after a breakup? What advice do you have to overcome procrastination? What advice do you have to get over an ex girlfriend and find someone better?

I'm not sure if this is a problem with motivation or lack of a schedule or something else. But I never really cared for long about things I'm doing. Like my handwriting is still super ugly, i played piano and guitar on and off for years, but never actually reached a good enough level to not be ashamed of doing it in front of other people. Same with drawing, languages, programming, knitting, cleaning, cooking, gym.... I start to learn things, i put in a day or two, and i stop.

I think it's easier if you have a teacher and a small class. But I'm not sure if I'm ready to pay money knowing i most likely won't commit for long. Nothing online works. University doesn't work either because I just do the bare minimum without understanding anything.

I just feel like I'm so bad at everything and I'd really like to feel great at at least one thing.

Is there anyone who had this issue and managed to stay consistent and become good at something?

A lot of my friends don’t like me for something I did, and. Is it even fair to them or myself? I tell myself I’m a good person, but sometimes I feel like that’s wrong.

Every yes costs something: time, energy, attention, or another opportunity.

The question is whether it’s worth the price.

What are you much more careful about saying yes to now?

So I have been struggling for a 2 years already with what I think is brain fog, so I have trouble focusing, analizing, overall judgement well its hard for me. But the peculiar thing is that I can think, however can't hear "myself" in my mind while doing it, even when I focus with all my might I can hear my inner voice only for a little time before I can't anymore, I also realized after a long time that I sometimes decide to not think about something just because thinking itself is tiring enough, thus my problem solving also went down the drain and mind you it heavily impacts me. So currently I feel like I'm just drifting though my life, everything I do seems like autopilot while my mind is constantly blank. I'm going to be real everything is more tiring then it used to be for example a couple of years ago, it's really hard to go in life being self concious of that you became "slow" overnight, and it's frying me alive. If someone actually read It and understood what I was saying please give me some insight

I'm 6,1 and 145 pounds, and I need to put on weight for tackle football thank you

M40 living with partner F40 and our 4 year old child

Im working in a tech sales job which I have no passion for in terms of the tech, but like the people aspect/socializing and relationships side of.

I work from home mostly and my work requires me to travel to events and spend time with people in the evening and there is a very boozy culture involved which is fun from time to time but takes its toll on health especially when working abroad and having to slot back into family life.

My partner hasn't worked for over 2 years and although she does do some things for our child she spends most of the day pursuing her interests, we are struggling for money and in debt but she has just applied to do a paid phd for the next 3 years. (This after self funding 2 other courses she was interested in prior, neither of which have resulted in stable career options) It would bring in some income but not enough to make us comfortable and she has said she has no intention to go back to the well paid type of job she had when we met as she said it was too stressful for her

When we met I was on a much lower salary but have committed to getting my salary up to match hers and now I am the only one bringing in a proper income

When I finish the working day from home im straight into the kitchen to prepare our meal that evening and all the diy stuff and odd jobs falls to my feet. She handles other roles and responsibilities with our child but does little to no cleaning and has a general incompetence when it comes to domestic issues around the house

She also throws caution to the wind with regars to spending money its very easy come easy go

I feel like I am being taken advantage of in terms of I have my own aspirations or passions like music and writing and whilst I get to indulge one of these with some nights out they are like sidelined by my responsibilities to keep my job, keep an income going and keep a roof over our head for the family and our child

I feel like I am stressed as I always worry about work doing a good enough job to make sure I don't get fired amd worried about the debt we have.

With the drinking and socializing, I used to drink a lot at home but have restricted this almost exclusively to work amd tried to get myself fit and healthy but the frequent nature of events amd client meetings has given me a stop start lifestyle where I find it hard to build on that momentum and keep things regular. Im a person who cant go for a drink and have a soft drink on a night out nor just stop at one or 2 drinks, I go to the max so I know alcohol is bad for me and im trying to stay away from it as much as I can

I feel like I am supporting a life for my child which I wholeheartedly will do without regret and want to do for my child's sake but I also feel like im supporting my partners chosen lifestyle at the expense of my own

There's little effort on her side to help me out by keeping the house tidy, sorting out clutter or cleaning, she never makes an effort to do anything sexy, we have sex relatively frequently and I know its hard when you have kids but its normally quite routine, she even didnt bother to water the plants while I ago away so they all died, I know all these things might seem trivial but its hard to explain all

Meanwhile I will work 9am to 2am traveling back and forth sometimes and get no respite - no nice dinner made for me on return etx.

I guess I just feel like today feeling sorry for myself as tomorrow im up again at another event at 5am, writing this as I cook dinner straight after work whilst she sits on her phone watching a film with our daughter.

Id like to change my job byt feel like its a dangerous time to upset any security or income. And the things that inspire me like music nd writing are near impossible to make an income from

Im fed up of not being good enough i want to be more and want to feel like ive achieved success

I had an interesting year. I learned something this year - the people you surround yourself with, tell us a lot about who you are.

When I judge someone, I look at who their friends are. That tells me a lot about who they are.

I think that's especially important if you decided to marry someone.

I've noticed that when I surrounded myself with toxic people (i was young and foolish), I also became toxic.

But then I got rid of all those people and found the smartest and kindest individuals (really hard). My motivation and productivity went through the roof.

They were people I met who seemed overly stressed and a bit unhinged. I'm super calm and I love life (wasn't always that way. Took a lot of work). By being around me, they changed a lot for the better.

Another example, was my mother. She used to have a hard time, and then I asked her to travel with me every year. We spent a lot of time with each other going to Norway, Russia, London, Paris, Vienna, Dubai, China, etc. We once didn’t like each other. After all the traveling, she finally understood me and I understood her and all her sacrifices.

Just something to think about.

Hello Redditors. Quick background info: I’m educated (with the boatload of student debt to go with it), married 10+ years (marriage that has its ups and downs), two youngish children, 41F
But I’m extremely depressed, for the multiple following reasons:

I’m extremely stressed financially. Despite having a good “career,” and making what was once considered decent money. Life has just gotten so expensive, and I currently have more money going out than I have going in. I keep taking money out of my savings, but seeing the one substantial savings account that I have dwindle, is very discouraging.

I hate the job that I’m in. I’ve hated it for the 9 years since I started. The job is partial WFH, with a somewhat flexible schedule. Which is practically unheard of in my line of work. I also have good health insurance. Many ppl would be over the moon to have what I have. But I’ve just been so miserable in the job itself for so long, that I can no longer tolerate it. I have a professional license that enables me to go into private practice, but due to a combination of lack of money to start up, and lack of confidence in myself (perpetual impostor syndrome), I haven’t forced myself to do it. I don’t know exactly what I’m afraid of. I know part of it is that I am entirely burnt out on the profession as a whole.

I’ve wanted to move from my hometown for many years. Husband is aware of this. It has gotten to the point that it genuinely pains my soul to still be in the same city I grew up in. It’s October and nearly 100 degrees here. I hate that I’m sweating as I walk my kids home from school, and wish so badly I could raise them someplace with actual seasons, and decent weather. Relocating seems like nothing more than a fanciful pipe dream at this point. My husband’s business is here, and it’s not something he could take with him elsewhere. My professional licensure is also more applicable to our home state. I feel like I accrued enormous student debt, only to feel completely stuck and option-less.

Our house is a cluttered mess that never seems to improve. I spend hours every weekend putting away laundry, and just trying to not let more clutter accumulate. We even hired a professional de-clutterer, which helped a bit, but not much. I hate looking around my home and just seeing the never-ending enormity of the literal STUFFwe are covered in. I’m even embarrassed to invite guests over.

I don’t really like mothering as much as I feel like I should. I’m not that interested in Taylor Swift or school events or video games. I sometimes feel guilty like I’m not showing the correct amount of interest in my children. But I really do try.

TLDR; 41/F feeling really hopeless and discouraged about ALL aspects of life. Everything I’ve tried that’s supposed to help improve it, has just felt like a dead end. I’m on an antidepressant, and I try to walk and exercise daily. I go to therapy. I’m just so sad, and the biggest reason for that is feeling like I have absolutely no control to attain anything I want in life anymore. Has anyone else ever felt this low, done something about it, and ended up digging themselves out of their hole to change their life and achieve the things they want?