r/selfimprovement

M18,
Im more hungrier than ever right now - I want to put all my Energy into the things i love and the goals i want to reach. The problem is, i want it so badly that it means giving up other things. Im really into selfiprovement and mindset, but honestly, it made friendships and social bonding a lot harder. Ive lost friends because ,,I dont match them anymore“, im not sad about it - i just worry about ruining my chances with new people by isolating myself for my goals too much. Right now i ask myself if i would be more devastated never having really tried to achieve my goals or standing at the top with no one left. I know its an extreme way of saying it, but im also not in social events, i need to find the same type of people, with a strong character and scence for individualism.

I only nap sometimes. Happened twice in a month. I even had an excel sheet called no lying in bed challenge lol. Its been a month let's see if I can commit forever : D

Lying in bed has destroyed my body posture or so I feel.

I have been unemployed for a decade now taking baby steps to move forward

Where are you on your self improvement plan I would love to hear from you'll.

Have a good day :))

I've made a list of the areas I want to improve in:

Physical Health:

-Hygiene: Grooming, Face Care, Hair, Beard

-Clothing: Work, Casual, Date (No homeless look)

-Workout: Strength and Flexibility (weights and calisthenics)

Mental Health:

-Reading

-Learning new skills

Spiritual Health:

-Prayer/Scriptures

-Journaling

-Serving

Financial Health:

-Career goals

-Financial Security

-Budget

Habits/Disciplines:

-Morning routine

-Evening routine

-Journaling: Faith, Struggles

-Grail Journal: Ideas, Creativity

-Podcasts

Am I missing anything? I'm not going to start all of this all at once, but slowly introduce one area at a time. Where would you start?

Hi. I'm currently in a dire situation, dealing with a lot of stress in my work. I seem completely lost. Been looking for a movie/tv series to watch that's motivating. Do you guys have any recommendations? Thanks.

Not sure if this will be accepted in this subreddit. But i'm sure accepting your flaw is the foundation of taking an act regarding it.

I wanna know people's stories with this. Have you also done anything to fix it? Do you notice something changing by the way people treat you once you actually try?

Recently, I’ve decided to stop using my phone right before sleeping and right after I wake up, and I didn’t realize how positively this change of routine would affect me. No matter how long I slept, I still felt exhausted, stressed, and anxious all the time. I used to go to bed with my phone and I’d only sleep when my eyes felt fried from the screen. Wake up in the morning and immediately use my phone. Repeat same cycle everyday.

What really sucked is that doing this killed the moments I’d have before bed where I would think of so many random thoughts like an idea of a painting or a short story to write. It also killed any passion I had for reading. It killed anything that required my imagination.

I thought it was a personal flaw but once I stopped using my phone in the morning and before bed I naturally became less dependent on my phone and felt gravitated to fill up my time with things I used to love. I picked up an old book I never finished reading and my mind felt so calm, just like how it used to make me feel when I was little. I also started doing things I’ve procrastinated doing for a while. My screentime dropped about 70% from the previous weeks.

It made me realize how much control it had over me. Was I really living my life if I was just staring at a piece of metal for almost half of my waking hours? 

i've been thinking about this lately because i realized i can barely remember what i did last weekend. nothing was wrong, but everything felt so similar that it all blurred together.

my days are pretty predictable. work, a few chores, some time on my phone, then bed. i've tried making small changes like walking different routes, reading instead of scrolling at night, and taking more breaks outside. it helps a little, but i still feel like whole weeks disappear without leaving much behind.

i don't always have the time or budget to do something exciting, so i'm mostly looking for small ways to make everyday life feel a little more memorable.

has anyone else gone through this? what actually helped your days stop feeling like they were all the same?

i'm also curious if this is just part of getting older or if it's something we can change.

maybe i'm overthinking it, but i'd really appreciate hearing how other people approached this.

I (31f) have spent almost all my life being who I needed to be to survive. I come from a small town up in the pnw in the us and I was the only one in dark clothes and getting into fights and generally was mean and aggressive. Lots of things happened to me by almost everyone around me, I’ll leave it to you to fill in the blanks. So I became just a mean, angry aggressive person. All dark clothes, dark hair/makeup and as intimidating as I could be. Which in my town was easy given how I was dressing. I’ve moved and have been attending therapy to help with all the trauma.

I’ve recently been trying more to be who I was when I was younger. Not age regression but liking colors, taking up space, not saying sorry for things that aren’t my fault. I’ve always dressed in black and baggy clothes. Never anything stylish or feminine. But I want dresses and introduce color into my life again. I don’t know what my body type is or what fits best or looks even halfway right or how to add color without feeling weird about it?

I’m a decade behind everyone else in their self journey. It seems like a near impossible task and honestly embarrassing a little. How do I start or where? I don’t have women around me that can help and still in a “smaller town” so we don’t have a lot of options beyond online shopping. I have ideas but no idea how to make it work..

Recently, a girl i was talking to last summer reached out to me. I got too attached which is why it ended in the first place but she has been thinking of me ever since we parted ways. When she reached out I had so many emotions run through me and all i could think about was how much we connected and how much we cared for each other.

She has friends she sees all the time, every day, and it makes me feel like I'm not going to flourish socially as much as her. I understand we are completely different people and I shouldn't be working myself up over something like this, but its eating away at me.

She is just busy and I am not. I have a job but I make my own hours and it's not enough to keep me busy as much as her. I have so much free time every single day that I don't know what to do with and it makes me feel like I'm not going to be content with my life as much as she is with hers. Im afraid this will lead her to walk away again, but permanently this time. I think I just have to get a second job to keep myself busy, but a part of me likes waiting for her to text me back. However a significant portion of me wonders why she isn't texting me if she missed me this much after a year.

It might be out of proportion or asinine, but this girl i think is the one and I dont want to mess this up. Im keeping myself in check by not telling her any of these things nor letting these thoughts reflect my actions towards her, but it is genuinely eating at me to the point where I thought that since shes in my life again, I had all the missing pieces laid out to me but i dont think it changed anything.

tl;dr - How do I accept my loneliness as solitude when others can do it so much more effortlessly?

Lately, I've found myself stuck in a cycle of constantly waiting—waiting for something to happen, waiting for someone to make a move, or just waiting for time to pass. I’m wasting my days feeling this heavy need for attention and validation. It feels almost like an addiction, and I've completely stopped taking care of myself. I really need to break out of this state.

I have one big request: Please don't give me the usual cliché, pseudo-scientific advice. I don't want to hear the standard "just hit the gym, do a dopamine detox, or get a hobby" speech. We all know the theory, and I'm exhausted by empty self-help platitudes.

I want to read real experiences. Things that actually worked for you. I am looking for advice that touches the soul, shifts my perspective, and genuinely applies to daily life.

I’d love to hear your personal stories on:

• How did you genuinely start having a good time by yourself and enjoying your hobbies without feeling a void?
• How do you protect yourself from the crushing depression of loneliness?
• How did you stop spending your days desperately needing attention and stop waiting for others to validate your existence?

I really want to read the perspectives of people who have actually internalized how to be self-sufficient in practice, not just in theory.

Thank you so much in advance to anyone willing to share their genuine experiences.

To clarify, I am not physically isolated. I have friends and a girlfriend. My issue is that I am completely dependent on their attention. I let their attention (or lack thereof) dictate my mood way too much. I spend my days feeling this heavy need for validation, and it feels almost like an addiction. I want to stop expecting so much from them. I want to learn how to be genuinely happy with myself, and most importantly, I want to do things for me, rather than doing them for the external gaze or to be perceived by others. I need to break out of this state.

edit: thanks a lot for the advices, you are all wonderful people. <3

(35 F) I read somewhere some points/markers of an insecure person and unfortunately I hit some of the marks.

What stood out to me was the point:
Judgmental, Bitter, Resentful towards others who has the life she secretly wants but too stubborn to admit.

This struck me so hard.
I have already known I am secretly insecure even if I project myself confidently in public. (I work in people management and have been told that I’m charismatic.)

But I noticed in myself that:
- I need to be always validated/affirmed.
- I silently compete.
- I have a hard time clapping for others especially if somebody is doing the same things I do but doing it better.
- I feel the constant need to talk about myself or revert the conversation back to me when I’m not the star of it.

I know these all sound like I’m a terrible person. Even I cringe at and critique myself for my tendencies.
And I honestly don’t want to stagnate and be this terrible or miserable person.

I am more than blessed to have a good family, have good friends, and a great job that pays well.
I don’t want to be a shitty person. I feel bad about myself.

I've always been an over-achiever, and I've been told that I'm too harsh on myself by almost everyone around me. Every moment of my day has to be productive/beneficial to my goals. I don't allow myself any rest because I feel so guilty if I know what I'm doing isn't productive.

It's so bad that o don't even allow myself to watch films/TV shows. I only allow myself to watch informative videos and documentaries. I used to let myself relax and watch TV while crocheting, but I gave that up ages ago. I want to be able to get back to that again. It's even worse in the summer because I feel even more guilty if I'm inside when it's sunny.

I'm so exhausted and it's making me stressed, but I don't know how to relax at all. How do I stop being so harsh on myself?

Throughout the past couple of months I've lamented alot. My life has been a endless cycle of mediocrity and indulgence in self destructive behaviour, reflecting introspectively. The final nail in the coffin was dropping out from a Master's programme and a hard breakup preceding it, a relationship which was built on lies, self loathing and trauma dumping; something about finding solace in dwelling upon each other's misery. I decided this couldn't continue any longer at the start of the year. I have a failing eyesight (minus 6 myopia for both of my eyes) which makes my literal and figurative vision bleak. My immune system is weak considering I'm dependent on Antihistamines. I dislike the side effects for I wasn't able to play any sport seriously. The antidepressants (SSRIs) and anti anxiety pills had entirely killed my motivations for sustaining an adequate quality of life.

Life isn't a novella, where characters can push each other to grow and get over it. For me, it wasn't. Death and betrayal plaqued my life leading upto the present. Common men and women are powerless against it. Forget being the top 1% in which wealth and relationships can distract you long enough until your untimely demise. Perhaps, this meaningless rambling is something I conjured in the heat of post nut clarity. It took months for my libido to return. I've been finding it hard to stay disciplined by the cold and uncaring nature of what my future holds. Worthless platitudes such as "living in the moment" is a dream sold to many. It only creates confirmation bias. I don't have hopes for a better life. I only want to make it until my 60s. That's the only way I'll be able to fulfill certain obligations. Unfortunately I'm not even capable of joining the workforce unless I get my act together. My degree as an English major is also more or less useless due to the advent of Al. Couple of prompt engineering is enough to replicate high performing scholars.

This is my last phase of trial and error. If I can't even put myself to exercise and push my physical limits consistently, I won't be able to make it. I'll return to update on my progress. Hope I'll last until the 31st of December.

With regards,

An irresponsible struggler.

So for about my whole life I have been a compulsive liar, to get out of trouble, to prank people for as long as possible, and starting arguments and continuing them far after realising im wrong, how can I slowly fix this

I work a 9-5, Mon-Fri and feel like I live for the weekend and get Sunday scaries every week. I feel like work takes up 90% of my week and the rest is just stuff I have to do like life admin or squeezing in seeing my partner (who I only get to see at the weekend at the moment as we're living separately while saving for a house deposit, and live too far away to see each other in the week. At the end of a working day, I've got into a bad routine of shower, dinner, bed, scroll for hours until sleeping, because I'm too exhausted to do anything else. I'm also on a weight loss journey, and having lost 4kg in the past 8 weeks, I'm putting pressure on myself to staying on top of that. Just not sure what to do to not waste 5/7 of my life! :(

28F, I am a “hopeless romantic” but no one is interested in me. I have asked several people out and have either gotten rejected or just ghosted. I’ve never actually dated anyone because no one is interested in spending time with me outside of the bedroom. I recently took a 6 month break from any type of dating apps or anything at all, and then I put myself out there and asked out a mutual friend upon the suggestion of multiple friends and got left on read.

I think I need to just accept my solitude and stop trying to change it. I just feel like my life is so pathetic compared to everyone else - my coworkers, my siblings, my friends, … for example, I spent the holiday inside doing nothing because I have no one to spend holidays with. I live far away from my immediate family, and all my friends have partners that they spend holidays with. (and I’m not invited). so I guess I just need to accept it. I have recently been taking up hobbies that I used to love as a kid, and I enjoy my time alone, but it still feels like there is an unfillable void in my life. any tips on how to stop wanting a relationship would be greatly appreciated

I've watched porn alot not like an everyday thing but I think it has affected my brain badly. It also got to a point where I would watch more agressive types of porn because the normal type I was watching wasn't really doing it for me. One thing I also need help on is that sometimes I get horny off the wrong things like my girlfriend will be telling me how much she loves me and I will get erect from that I need help.

keep thinking about what I want my future to be. Part of me wants to become a psychologist. Another part of me wants to join the Navy. And another part of me wants to become a pro wrestler someday. I know those are all very different paths, but I genuinely want my life to mean something.

The problem is my current life feels like a mess, and I know a lot of it is my fault.

I’m lazy. I procrastinate constantly. I avoid responsibility. I lie sometimes just to protect myself from getting in trouble. My room and habits are a mess, and honestly I’ve become the kind of person I don’t want to be.

What scares me is that I know I have potential, but I keep wasting time and making excuses instead of changing.

I don’t want to stay like this forever. I want discipline. I want confidence. I want to become somebody reliable and respected. I want to look back a few years from now and recognize myself in a good way.

For people who used to feel stuck, irresponsible, or lazy — what actually helped you change your life for real instead of just talking about it?

Everyday has been the same for me and I’m sick of it but it’s like my mind and body don’t want to do anything else. All I do all day everyday is play games, watch YouTube, and scroll reels and as much as I hate to say it watch porn. It’s getting to the point where it’s starting to genuinely affect how I communicate with people especially my friends and family. Like I can no longer relate to them or keep up conversation because I just don’t do anything else with my days… with my life. I’ve became extremely interesting especially to myself.

Stuff like watching shows, movies, reading comics, getting into new niche hobbies and pursuing my passion of music production and creating art, hell even normal stuff like having a favorite character, or comfort show or anything like that, these are all things I want to do, I think about them all the time especially the creative stuff but I just never do it. Sometimes in a blue moon I’ll watch a movie, or I’ll binge a show, or I’ll make a beat but that’s once every what 2-3 weeks?
And when I do actually do those things I always enjoy it, but then right after, boom I’m right back to the same wasted days doing the same thing over and over and over… games YouTube reels porn I’m tired of it.. but I just can’t seem stop..

I identify as a gamer. Some might say that I have an addiction to videogames given how many hours a week I play, but I don't think they see what I'm trying to do with videogames.

Videogames allow me to try new ways to live. For example, I used to be terrified of following other people's orders or instructions. Obedience to authority was extremely hard for me because obeying my parents as a kid screwed me up as a young adult, or that's how I interpreted it. But I wanted to change. I couldn't hold a job because I would just not subject myself to authority.

Terraria fixed that. I went in as someone completely new to terraria. I asked a friend who was far more experienced to order me around, and he did that for 5 hours straight. There was a pain in my chest the entire time, from the intense fear, but then it was gone and I was able to follow instructions in real life. I now have a job that I would never have dreamed possible 3 years ago.

I want to know if there are people in here that play videogames with that sort of intent too. People who, for example, try to get good at a videogame and then ask themselves "how can I apply that to my life?"

Surely videogames aren't just unhealthy. I see those posts all the time, about getting rid of game addictions, but it's been a net positive to my life and I wonder if anyone else.