u/Brief-Ship-5572

Hello

I have been depressed for years but the past few months have been particularly difficult and so hard.

I have seeked help from therapy and more but therapist suddenly ghosted me after 2 introductory sessions.

I realise I can rely on nobody and people always inevitably let me down even when I reach my hand out seeking help.

So, I am changing my mindset and want to move forward and not feel trapped and depressed anymore.

Today is the day I begin to improve.

Thanks all.

I am so sad and cant stop feeling anxious and upset. (27 f).

Asalamualaikum

I understand what my parents (mainly mom) are doing but also, I am feeling so panicked and sad about an upcoming meeting. We never have people come to our house and we never go anyones house. I am not a bubbly girl or social and I dont have a normal big close family of cousins/aunts/uncles/relatives etc that others have.

I am terrified. I let myself go and do not look my best/am overweight/bad posture and short thin hair that doesn't grow. I have been depressed for ages and i have social anxiety.

Basically, I am going to be 28 in a week and my parents were extremely impractical in my marriage search. They didnt do anything.

And now, all of a sudden, they're rushing to get me married. I think its because they weren't bothered all these years or bc of their own issues. I have a legit worry that the man is going to settle for me and vice versa.

Now , they're hearing about all the relatives who are younger than me are having kids or getting married. They feel very embarrassed now. My dad is the worst wali you could ever imagine. I have no other wali.

They were also so neglectful all my life and still are. They never ever supported me with what I wanted. I wasn't and still am not heard properly or listened to.

I am the eldest daughter/child They raised to shrink and be obedient /submissive. I am an avoidant/disorganised avoidant with self esteem and confidence issues.

I am always being shut down.

Anyway, I know that i need to get married one day but I am nervous as hell to have any meetings or meet a guy or have this drastic change in my life.

A year or 2 ago, I was finally sort of healed and ready but my parents antics and life has put me off it all again.

One of my conditions was to not have the first meeting or talk inside our house. There's many many reasons for me deciding this.

I have never ever had a relationship or met a guy to have marriage talks in my life btw.

Turns out, my mother, has arranged an entire family to come to our house in 3 weeks. I am so angry. They always do stuff like this. They are so chaotic.

She was sick of my dad not doing his fatherly duties so after so many years of not supporting me when I told her about good matches I found on halal apps like sunnah match, she asked her friend to find someone. I found such good men a few years ago or 1 year ago and their mothers would directly message her. She ghosted them ALL.

I even made her join cv WhatsApp groups so she could message people herself but, she went to a friend and she's now not giving up the idea just because her friend suggested it. Her friend is part of a naqshbandi Pakistani barelvi sufi zikir group who follow a pir.

I dont even know what he looks like or anything about him. I dont know if he knows what I am like but my mother has invited him and his entire family to the house! I already suffer from severe social anxiety so I am so so worried and depressed.

My neglectful controlling parents have always put me in the deep end.

I have no support regarding all this. I dont know what to do..

All these years, the parents made excuses after excuse to not get me married . When people asked them how old am I or something about marriage, she'd lie and say im still studying. Allah knows how many men approached my dad about me and he rejected them all without me even knowing. All my traditional minded dad thinks about is what their status is and what village they're from back home. He is a narcissistic person who has control over us and its always his way or no way. He doesnt listen to anyone.

If I had it my way, I would legit marry a muslim of any ethnic background and I would be happy to.

Hes the type of man who just prioritises making money yet our entire family is in poverty and we're looked down on by society and the whole community for various reasons. We are gossiped about so much and other muslim families have prejudiced or judgmental views towards us.

He has for sure rejected good men that would have been amazing for me and my future.

This sums up my parents in general- they never ever in their lives gave an atoms thought about their daughters future or life. (They have no sons).

No matter how much the daughters wanted to take the opportunities that Allah had sent to them, the parents would sabotage it somehow.

I kid you not, I believe my own mother does evil eye towards me when I excitedly tell her my goals or plans of some sort. The plans have never fruitioned.

I have tried my best to do all the inner work from sunnah marriage courses to applying for therapy or researching premarital counselling.

They never let me leave the house.

I am fed up of life and just want to disappear and feel free. I wouldn't mind meeting someone for myself but I 100% know it wouldnt work out or get anywhere because of my family and parents. It would completely be a waste of time.

Asalamualaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatu.

I understand what my parents (mainly mother) are doing but also, I am feeling so panicked and sad about an upcoming meeting. We never have people come to our house and we never go anyones house. I am not a bubbly girl or social and I dont have a normal big muslim family of cousins/aunts etc that others have.

Wallahi I am terrified. I let myself go and do not look my best/am overweight/bad posture and short thin hair that doesn't grow. I have been depressed for ages and i have social anxiety.

Basically, I am going to be 28 in a week and my parents were extremely impractical in my marriage search. They didnt do anything.

And now, all of a sudden, they're rushing to get me married. I think its because they weren't bothered all these years or bc of their own issues. I have a legit worry that the man is going to settle for me and vice versa.

Now , they're hearing about all the relatives who are younger than me are having kids or getting married. They feel very embarrassed now. My dad is the worst wali you could ever imagine. I have no other wali.

They were also so neglectful all my life and still are. They never ever supported me with what I wanted. I wasn't and still am not heard properly or listened to.

I am the eldest daughter/child They raised to shrink and be obedient /submissive. I am an avoidant/disorganised avoidant with self esteem and confidence issues.

I am always being shut down.

Anyway, I know that i need to get married one day but I am nervous as hell to have any meetings or meet a guy or have this drastic change in my life.

A year or 2 ago, I was finally sort of healed and ready but my parents antics and life has put me off it all again.

One of my conditions was to not have the first meeting or talk inside our house. There's many many reasons for me deciding this.

I have never ever had a relationship or met a guy to have marriage talks in my life btw.

Turns out, my mother, has arranged an entire family to come to our house in 3 weeks. I am so angry. They always do stuff like this. They are so chaotic.

She was sick of my dad not doing his fatherly duties so after so many years of not supporting me when I told her about good matches I found on halal apps like sunnah match, she asked her friend to find someone. I found such good men a few years ago or 1 year ago and their mothers would directly message her. She ghosted them ALL.

I even made her join cv WhatsApp groups so she could message people herself but, she went to a friend and she's now not giving up the idea just because her friend suggested it. Her friend is part of a naqshbandi Pakistani barelvi sufi zikir group who follow a pir.

I dont even know what he looks like or anything about him. I dont know if he knows what I am like but my mother has invited him and his entire family to the house! I already suffer from severe social anxiety so I am so so worried and depressed.

My neglectful controlling parents have always put me in the deep end.

I have no support regarding all this. I dont know what to do..

All these years, the parents made excuses after excuse to not get me married . When people asked them how old am I or something about marriage, she'd lie and say im still studying. Allah knows how many men approached my dad about me and he rejected them all without me even knowing. All my traditional minded dad thinks about is what their status is and what village they're from back home. He is a narcissistic person who has control over us and its always his way or no way. He doesnt listen to anyone.

If I had it my way, I would legit marry a muslim of any ethnic background and I would be happy to.

Hes the type of man who just prioritises making money yet our entire family is in poverty and we're looked down on by society and the whole community for various reasons. We are gossiped about so much and other muslim families have prejudiced or judgmental views towards us.

He has for sure rejected good men that would have been amazing for me and my future.

This sums up my parents in general- they never ever in their lives gave an atoms thought about their daughters future or life. (They have no sons).

No matter how much the daughters wanted to take the opportunities that Allah had sent to them, the parents would sabotage it somehow.

I kid you not, I believe my own mother does evil eye towards me when I excitedly tell her my goals or plans of some sort. The plans have never fruitioned.

I have tried my best to do all the inner work from sunnah marriage courses to applying for therapy or researching premarital counselling. They never let me leave the house.

I am fed up of life and just want to disappear and feel free. I wouldn't mind meeting someone for myself but I 100% know it wouldnt work out or get anywhere because of my family and parents. It would completely be a waste of time.

But how do i do it?

I have seeked help but have only been repeatedly let down. This did also make me even more low and trapped and depressed. But today onwards, I do not wanna be stuck or blue anymore. I am ready to change.

What to do?

I am in a very very low place and don't find motivation to do absolutely anything.

Feeling uncomfortable at work because of this person I knew from years ago.

I (27 f) feel awkward and uncomfortable around this man(26 m)

Firstly I want to say that Ifeel like bad person for writing this and I come across as arrogant but that's not my intention but his presence is making me feel discomfort.

So I started a part time job a few months ago (August 2025). I wear modest clothing and a hijab. Im south asian and introverted so I keep my head down and am Just quiet.

I work as a receptionist in the evenings in a school for the evening mature students who are all over 18. I work there 2 evenings a week. All the students are in their designated classrooms except this person.

He is a Filipino non muslim guy who I already know from 10 years ago (he was in my sixth form class). I only knew him for that 1 year class when I was 17/18. We don't speak and never spoke in class either. I feel uncomfortable around him especially because I remember him from the past. Hes most likely my age too.

Without fail, ever since August, he comes in every evening and sits to use the computers until the building closes at 8.30 pm. He doesnt move from the desk at all in those hours.

He is sometimes the only student using a computer. Always comes in about 6pm and stays until closing time. Sometimes, I think he waits in his car and sees me coming into the building first.

There r lot's of computers in that part of the building which isn't far from the desk I sit at but nobody ever stays as long as he does.

I recognised him from day 1 because we had classes together. It did not bother me to see him at all then but as the months have gone by and seeing him every day without any gap has made me feel midly distressed.

I hated sixth form college and had no friends. My mother forced me to go that college too. Anyway, I have a bad uncomfortable memory tied to specifically him. He basically touched my waist to move me out of the way from behind and I have always hated him for it. This was in a class and he did it without warning and on purpose. We were standing and he didn't need to do it whatsoever. He made it seem like he moved me out of the way to see what was on the whiteboard but the class was more or less empty and he had all that space to walk forward to see the whiteboard. He is much shorter than me too and obviously did it to feel my body and get away with it. Now I dont remember much from a decade ago but i do remember he'd look at me in high school sometimes.

Coming back to now, There are plenty of computers but he decides to sit in a seat where I can be seen from my receptionist desk.

He only started sitting there repeatedly for a month or 2. Before that, he'd mix and match or sit random places sometimes facing me and sometimes not.

In general, my back is turned to him but he has view of what I am doing and my computer screen etc. Every time I get up or go to the other desk or whatever- he has full view of it because he sits at the very end of the computer bank.

Also my conversations with the other people who work in the corner behind me until 7pm, he sees it and hears it all because its a very quiet area. I am on my own from 7pm to 8.30pm but I enter the building at 6pm.

There are times where I have not wanted to come into the building or work at all just so that I can avoid him . Seeing him ruins my mood even though all he does is just sit there. I do remain nice and professional though.

Also, thankfully it doesnt happen anymore but at first when I started this job, a couple of times, I saw him drive off from the car park only after I left the building. I walk home so I felt extra observed and creeped out.

Edit- I would feel honestly so relaxed and relieved if he wasn't there. I would feel like i can breathe. I feel watched by him everytime.

Tl;dr- a guy i know from school days makes me feel currently uncomfortable. After 7pm, it is usually just me and him. Whilst hes not talking to me and just getting on with his work on the computer, I still dont like his presence.

Has anyone been in a similar situation?

I (27 f) feel awkward and uncomfortable around this man(26 m)

Firstly I want to say that Ifeel like bad person for writing this and I come across as arrogant but that's not my intention but his presence is making me feel discomfort.

So I started a part time job a few months ago (August 2025). I wear modest clothing and a hijab. Im south asian and introverted so I keep my head down and am Just quiet.

I work as a receptionist in the evenings in a school for the evening mature students who are all over 18. I work there 2 evenings a week. All the students are in their designated classrooms except this person.

He is a Filipino non muslim guy who I already know from 10 years ago (he was in my sixth form class). I only knew him for that 1 year class when I was 17/18. We don't speak and never spoke in class either. I feel uncomfortable around him especially because I remember him from the past. Hes most likely my age too.

Without fail, ever since August, he comes in every evening and sits to use the computers until the building closes at 8.30 pm. He doesnt move from the desk at all in those hours.

He is sometimes the only student using a computer. Always comes in about 6pm and stays until closing time. Sometimes, I think he waits in his car and sees me coming into the building first.

There r lot's of computers in that part of the building which isn't far from the desk I sit at but nobody ever stays as long as he does.

I recognised him from day 1 because we had classes together. It did not bother me to see him at all then but as the months have gone by and seeing him every day without any gap has made me feel midly distressed.

I hated sixth form college and had no friends. My mother forced me to go that college too. Anyway, I have a bad uncomfortable memory tied to specifically him. He basically touched my waist to move me out of the way from behind and I have always hated him for it. This was in a class and he did it without warning and on purpose. We were standing and he didn't need to do it whatsoever. He made it seem like he moved me out of the way to see what was on the whiteboard but the class was more or less empty and he had all that space to walk forward to see the whiteboard. He is much shorter than me too and obviously did it to feel my body and get away with it. Now I dont remember much from a decade ago but i do remember he'd look at me in high school sometimes.

Coming back to now, There are plenty of computers but he decides to sit in a seat where I can be seen from my receptionist desk.

He only started sitting there repeatedly for a month or 2. Before that, he'd mix and match or sit random places sometimes facing me and sometimes not.

In general, my back is turned to him but he has view of what I am doing and my computer screen etc. Every time I get up or go to the other desk or whatever- he has full view of it because he sits at the very end of the computer bank.

Also my conversations with the other people who work in the corner behind me until 7pm, he sees it and hears it all because its a very quiet area. I am on my own from 7pm to 8.30pm but I enter the building at 6pm.

There are times where I have not wanted to come into the building or work at all just so that I can avoid him . Seeing him ruins my mood even though all he does is just sit there. I do remain nice and professional though.

Also, thankfully it doesnt happen anymore but at first when I started this job, a couple of times, I saw him drive off from the car park only after I left the building. I walk home so I felt extra observed and creeped out.

Edit- I would feel honestly so relaxed and relieved if he wasn't there. I would feel like i can breathe. I feel watched by him everytime.

Tl;dr- a guy i know from school days makes me feel currently uncomfortable. After 7pm, it is usually just me and him. Whilst hes not talking to me and just getting on with his work on the computer, I still dont like his presence.

Has anyone been in a similar situation?

I desperately need the money by this week

Thanks

Thanks

Whats are some dead giveaways that someones from Derby.

What are the obvious signs that someone grew up here/is a local?

From the posture, manner of walking to volume of voice...what are they?

I am talking about everyday basic shit.

Salam alikum,

I am a reserved woman, I have never had a relationship with a man and feel awkward/uncomfortable around non mahrams and opposite gender.

I dont chase men but some men have usually showed interest in me first in person. Then, if I am interested, I start to like them back.. they are attractive (personality and physically at the time).

(I did once make the first move for a guy online and let's just say I won't be doing that again.)

But...usually, after some time I realise they didnt even like me they way I thought. They mainly like the way I make them or their ego feels.

I usually am in the background or maybe used as a placeholder or ignored while they live their lives. I am usually unappreciated until I suddenly disappear. Even when I disappear, some have gotten furious because "how dare I?". (Guy i chased first did that).

A couple of them dated and Marry the very next girl because she's wifey material (Guy I pursued did that).

Plus, the men seem emotionally intelligent, empathetic and mature at first or maybe its all in my head and I think they're amazing and green flags or romanticise them.

The reason I'm angry though is the other day I found out the guy that I was most recently interested in is absolutely nothing like I thought he was.

He follows new women on social media daily and unfortunately, I think he's too lustful. The women he follows are pretty, slim, big chests and thousands of followers. The type who dress/dance a certain way and they get loads of comments and likes from various men globally.

In real life, he kept his distance from me out of respect, gave me space and he duchenne smiled at me and kept eye contact. I assume its because he was pleasantly surprised when he first saw me. He was also quiet and respectful to not just me, but also some of my family because they were with me (he helped us in regards to Umrah).

Or....maybe he didn't even like me at all and its all in my head hence he follows new women everyday.

I must admit, I only found this out because I did a bit of snooping and his social media following list was public. Whereas, we only have eachoher on WhatsApp and on there, he posts statuses with deep quotes and I found out hes a poetry lover...this made me fall for him too..the fact that as a man, he likes deep and thoughtful poetry/quotes. I honestly thought he was emotionally intelligent.

I do feel bad thought because he has no idea that I know. It's just so confusing because the tiktok him is nothing like the WhatsApp him that I know.

Another pattern I have found that I like a man's personality but later down the line, find out he's taken.

The third pattern i have found is that single men don't choose me, they find someone better. I am a quiet boring person with high walls. I am sensitive so maybe they're being nice simply cos of my demeanour.

Thanks for reading.

Just a little rant.

Edit- I think the other strange thing about me is that im so loyal. I won't even look at or think about another man if I like one man and then in the background, hes following new women.

Hey,

I dont chase men but some men have usually showed interest in me first. Then, if I am interested, I start to like them back.. they are attractive (personality and physically at the time).

(I did once make the first move for a guy and let's just say I won't be doing that again.)

But...usually, after some time I realise they didnt even like me they way I thought. They mainly like the way I make them or their ego feels.

I usually am in the background or maybe used as a placeholder or ignored while they live their lives. I am usually unappreciated until I suddenly disappear. Even when I disappear, some have gotten furious because "how dare I?". (Guy i chased first did that).

A couple of them dated and Marry the very next girl because she's wifey material or whatever I'm not so sure.

Plus, the men seem emotionally intelligent and mature at first or maybe its all in my head and I think they're amazing and green flags or romanticise them.

The reason I'm angry though is the other day I found out the guy that I was most recently interested in is absolutely nothing like I thought he was.

He follows new women on social media daily and unfortunately, I think he's too lustful. The women he follows are pretty, slim, big chests and thousands of followers. The type who dress/dance a certain way and they get loads of comments and likes from various men globally.

In real life, he kept his distance from me out of respect, gave me space and he duchenne smiled at me and kept eye contact. I assume its because he was pleasantly surprised when he first saw me. He was also quiet and respectful to not just me, but also some of my family because they were with me.

Or....maybe he didn't even like me at all and its all in my head hence he follows new women everyday.

I must admit, I only found this out because I did a bit of snooping and his social media following list was public. Whereas, we only have eachoher on WhatsApp and on there, he posts statuses with deep quotes and I found out hes a poetry lover...this made me fall for him too..the fact that as a man, he likes deep and thoughtful poetry/quotes. I honestly thought he was emotionally intelligent.

I do feel bad thought because he has no idea that I know. It's just so confusing because the tiktok him is nothing like the WhatsApp him that I know.

So, I guess I am looking for books where a man doesn't recognise a woman is there or her worth until she leaves or something very similar to my story/I can relate to.

A book where he's a player type/emotionally immature/avoidant. He has a roster or follows loads of women on social media.

She is avoidant too a little?

Bonus if they are not already in a romantic relationship.

Thanks.

Books about a guy who doesn't realise a woman's worth until she leaves. Recs please.

She likes him but he doesn't appreciate her. She thinks better from him than he actually is.

He's a player type/emotionally immature/avoidant. He has a roster and follows loads of women on social media.

She is avoidant too a little.

Bonus if they are not already in a romantic relationship.

I’m looking for a deeply emotional fiction novel about a young woman who grew up surrounded by toxic, abusive, or disappointing men and therefore struggles to trust masculinity, relationships, and the idea of marriage. Because of her trauma and loneliness, she finds herself emotionally drawn to more gentle, emotionally intelligent people, and becomes confused about whether her feelings come from genuine attraction, fear, safety, attachment, or unmet emotional needs.

The story can explore trauma, femininity, longing for emotional safety, complicated sexuality, loneliness, identity, healing, and the desire to be loved and protected without being controlled. I want something psychologically deep, raw, comforting, and realistic — not judgmental, overly political, or purely romance-focused. More character study and emotional healing than smut or clichés.”

I am looking for a thriller where the MC is trapped because of helicopter/sheltering/controlling parents and they're watching other people progress in life and move on such as get married, have children, career progression or moving out.

Mainly where the MC is stuck or mentally trapped because of the caregivers. Mc is stuck in childhood house and watching everyone else go forward except MC. Mc even watches their siblings go forward in life.

If non fiction, it can be a self help book.

Thanks

A story about a woman who is not thriving and is getting worse day by day?

A poc who has grown up living or is currently living a sheltered life.

Thank you