r/muslimgirlswithtaste

For me, it was whether I would be able to stick with it or not. Of course, I also wondered what people would think of me because I started dressing modestly when I was at university. So, there was that pressure, but the bigger question was whether I would be able to stay consistent.

What was the most difficult part for you?

Was it worrying about how your family or the people around you would react? Or did you feel like you were losing a part of your identity because changing your style can make you feel that way?

Or Was it something completely different?

Hi I'm a 16 year old girl. Currently in 11th grade. To everyone older than 16 could you guys give me advice on anything like anything that you wish someone would've told you at 16?

Also could you like I need some krma 😭🙏

I'm 26F and half of my friends from uni are married now. The pattern has been they suddenly announce their engagement, they slowly begin drifting away, they have their wedding and send out thank yous for coming, then they disappear almost entirely for about a year or two. I've gotten to the point where another marriage announcement feels like an official goodbye and I have to mourn our friendship and what it used to be.

I don't want to be the bitter unmarried girl but something has to give right? I get told that responsibilities just shift after marriage but I don't thjnk that's enough. I have non-Muslim friends who have gotten married and they still remain very much in touch, I even go to their homes and hang out with them and babysit their babies when they go out on date nights. It's been completely different with my Muslim girl friends.

I'm currently speaking with a potential with my mom chaperoning and I've told my mom that if I become overly obsessed with being married and cut off everything from my past, she has to whoop my butt lol. She's been just as surprised as me with how a lot of my friends have become after marriage. She and her friends often had very difficult lives after marriage, having to move to America with men who were practically strangers and find themselves. She and her closest friends instilled this sense of independence in me and my sister and ensured that we did not center our lives around men. I have trouble understanding my peers because of this

Is this just me being bitter?

I’m a sinner. I’ve probably sinned more in the last few months than most people have in their entire lives. I’ve been sinful for so long, I don’t even remember when the last time I felt that I had strong iman/felt “religious” in any way.

Despite all that, a tiny part of me has always felt that I needed to repent, go back to practising Islam, and
rebuild a connection with Allah that I FEEL is right.

However, I’ve been facing a problem that, despite being an issue for all of us, no one wants to admit:

Right now, the biggest obstacle between a Muslim woman and her deen isn’t just her personal sins (before the extremists that get all uppity about “making your sins public”, read that I specifically said “personal” sins) it’s the draining, and quite frankly, suffocating level of patriarchal gatekeeping that she’ll receive from the “ummah” (you know who I’m referring to).

The LITERAL moment you even try to show the slightest desire to turn back towards God and Islam at your own pace, you’ll find yourself running straight into a wall of weaponized dogma designed to keep you from repenting since you don’t fit the description these men have of what a “muslim” woman should look like.

According to the self-appointed, supposed, arbiters of Islamic purity (btw, almost always just men who act like they hold the keys to Jannah, and the poor women who have completely internalized their own oppression), repentance doesn't count unless you immediately wrap yourself in hijab and start practising EXACTLY how they want you to and conform to their outdated, 7th-century cultural norms THAT YOU DON’T EVEN ADHERE TO IN YOUR OWN CULTURE.

They actually think that repentance HAS to be exactly how they imagine it. God forbid you want to feel the spiritual aspect of Islam instead of living your life out of black layers of fabric, submitting to constant male haram policing.

Is it not possible to repent while enjoying your life and taking it slowly without being told that your relationship with God is void because your hair is showing or because you don’t buy into these extremist interpretations that treat women as walking sources of fitnah (Women’s beauty isn’t causing fitnah among men btw, it’s men’s lust but that deserves a whole other post).

This double standard is sickening. A man can commit every major sin, walk into a masjid, grow a messy beard, and instantly be celebrated as a "reformed brother." Whereas if a woman seeks repentance, the very first thing our society demands is total bodily erasure and submission to the patriarchal system. If your repentance doesn't serve to make you silent, invisible, and docile, they don't want it.

God’s mercy is supposed to be infinite, but society has reduced Islam to a CONSTANT hyper-fixation on “purity”. Why should coming back to faith have to mean adopting an extremist checklist? Why is a woman’s soul only considered valid if it meets the visual approval of conservative men?

I’m sick of feeling like society expects that OUR spiritual growth requires getting rid of yourslef.

Do you think parents would rather have a daughter who is dead than a daughter who has brought shame or dishonor to the family, especially in a family where all the other daughters are seen as respectable, well-behaved, and a source of pride?

I feel like I’m the disgrace of my family, like I’m the one daughter who ruined everything while everyone else turned out the way my parents wanted. I feel like I’ve become a source of shame and disappointment, and I can’t bear living with that anymore.

I feel like I want to put an end to all of this.

PLEASE A BREAK FROM THE MARRIAGE AND FRIEND COMPLAIN POST AND HEAR ME OUT FOR LIEKE 2 SEC.

It has come to my attention that a large group of Muslim women, especially those in their 20s and older, get left behind in society and are trapped alone with their own thoughts and minds, and I’m myself one of them. Daydreaming, loosing themselves in movies/series and book and have lost interest and passion in their own life. Or atleast that is me.

I’m writing this as I’m cleaning yesterday’s dishes from the sink (dw, only about 4 items), but I’m waking up to a reality that so many women, specifically more introverted women, women who possibly had trauma in the past, bad family connections, no friends etc., are in the same boat.

We haven’t transitioned over to real life and womanhood. Now, when I say womanhood, I don’t mean only marriage and intimacy, but I mean how to survive in this world and become a real individual. Independent.

I can only speak for myself, but I’ve seen and read this pattern and been in groups online with similar women, and I’ve finally had enough at 25. The thing is, I’m usually a problem-solving girl but I have such a hard time figuring out how we can help each other, or maybe I’m just asking for a way out for myself.

I don’t think we should be missing out on life, but it seems like the reason why it’s so overwhelming is because we don’t have the soft, small steps to guide us. And also it feels like no advice is actually applicable for us because of islam. That is not to blame our religion but we literally can’t do 90% of what other people do. We can’t just date, some of us can’t just move out etc (although I live now out alhamdulliah). Adult topics such as marriage can seem so freaking scary because we don’t even know what dating is etc. And also times have changed, things is more online now, and know you have new rules…. things are geting weird. Parents (at least mine don't even bother finding someone for me because I live in the west, so that's for me to figure out)...

I have no real healthy role models. My mom and I are in a terrible relationship because of her tendency towards narcissism, and my sister is my biggest bully and lives for this dunya (meaning see shes islam as stupid).

I have contact with the public system, and it’s still overwhelming, and I’m still terrified but I’m doing it. I also regularly now go to counsolers meeting for university because I haven’t attended class or exams and I need help. So ladies I NEED OTHER MUSLIM WOMEN TO HELP ME OUT OR TALK TO ME PLEASE IT’S GETTING SO LONELY ALONE. In real life friendships I’ve realized noooo body actually talks about the serious commitments in life and we are talking about makeup, cafés and hypothetically topcis such as men and other topics that are not real life sh*t. I’m tired and I need grown up conversations with someone. I want to talk about, apartments, getting degrees, finding communities and hobbies in cities, building and starting something for yourself. Naturally this would be with my parents but our relationships is terrible and not something I can rely on. 

One of my male coworkers has greatly inspired me to really reflect on my own life (no, I’m not interested in him in any way, I just needed to add that). We started working together when I was 22 and he was 19, and over the years I’ve seen him make great improvements in his life, but in very small, consistent ways. We have similar traumatic childhood backgrounds, and yet he made something out of it. He dared to hop out of the loop. Of course, I only see the outside, but, intuitively, he seems like a man who is good. He has had a girlfriend for multiple years, he just moved in with her, he is consistent with work, and over the years I can’t help but realize the difference between me and him. He initiates things in his life. He has confidence in himself despite his background. He also had no idea of what he was doing but he wasnt scared to start. He has build very good life for himself despite of his situation.

And it got me thinking: this is what I need to do for myself. I need to stop running away from life.

I don’t want to hurt anyone reading this, but I’m sure if, by now, you can relate to anything I’ve said, that sometimes we do make excuses for ourselves. We delve too much into our past/trauma, and we give these things more significance and let them shape our destiny.

I want to connect with sisters who desperately also seek to mature, want to fall back in love with their life, and build the things with the help of Allah that they want instead of passively letting time go by.

Because this is something I’ve suffered from. I also want to connect with sisters who have “failed” terribly, because so have I. I’ve dropped out of medicine, changed paths, and find myself struggling with myself and routines and trusting my plan. I’ve lost so much time daydreaming. I do believe I have great insight because of my friendship with my coworker and how he turned his life around, and it’s not at all what is all over the internet.

It all starts with loving yourself and having confidence and finding one thing you would like to start and commit to.

Anyways, I would love to connect with sisters who want to do this and, of course, include Islamic principles and a worldview too, as we are not non-believers???

any tips, advice, we could start a small online group just I don't want to talk about nonesense just real life commitments and steps forward. No hypothetical discussion about the society, I want to hear about YOUR REAL LIFE yk

I'm just seriously tired of connecting only with non believers because there is this social rule within the islamic community. At this point I might actually just share my real story and like talk honestly to the next muslimahs I met in real life. I have nobody, I'm alone in this big city with bills to pay, I feel overwhelmed and stress yet I want to build something for myself, no man has asked anything for marriage yet, I dont have that many friends because of trauma/disorders. Like i think I'm at a point where I seriously dont care what you think of me lmao

let me knooowwwww

I'm 28 and I've never felt heard or supported

She refuses to take my advice and thinks she knows better.

Sadly shes always been a neglectful and emotionally immature mother.

However, something she's been doing has really really been bothering me so much and I am furious but she won't listen to me or stop because she believes she is doing "good" for the family.

please could you make dua she stops this bad habit of hers. Its borderline shirk and I've been asking for months for her to stop.

She doesnt think what she's doing is wrong.

I want to run away. This family ruined me.

How have you managed your dark inner thighs???

I have never really been that interested in the way I look, but recently I feel like I want to put in more effort. The problem is I don't have the patience to spend 20 mins getting ready in the morning, plus if I buy one thing I have to use 20 other things to complement it.

So my question is: how do you take care of your skin in the simplest way possible? My current skincare involves moisturizer, an acne face mask, face wash, and sunscreen. I am breaking out less often these days, which is good, but I still have acne scars. My current makeup routine is clear lip gloss, mascara, and maybe eyeliner.

I am also south asian and 21, in case that is relevant information.

I genuinely dont know what to do anymore with my life and i feel so lost about everything and i really hope someone takes the time to read this and help .e out because i feel so tired and alone.

i have been wearing the hijab since i was 11 years old i am currently 19 years old. and every day is a new feeling.

for context i wore it because i hated and despised my hair texture. yes technically it was my "choice" but i was also 11. if anything i wanted to wear it even before that but i felt self conscious because everyone at school has already seen my hair but the second we moved out i decided to wear it. obviously that decision made my family really happy and had nothing against it. obviously my intentions sucked but as i got older i learned to have a better relationship with my hair. and i didnt hate the hijab or modesty and i fought everyone who insulted it. but as i got older i began noticing double standards that pissed me off. and just so everyone knows i am heavy on female empowerment and justice i dislike the word feminist but i align more with "womanist".

the point is everything is grossing me out. the fact that i cant wear a tank top because i have a father has ruined my relationship with my dad completely i feel like tearing my skin off daily. and im constantly uncomfortable. my brothers are actually very modest but recently my brother decided to wear a pair of jorts and my mom celebrated it like crazy and i told her if i wore that would she react the same way? and she kept giving me this whole lecture on men and women are different.

its even more frustrating when your dad goes swimming shirtless and then comes home to tell you that your clothes are too tight sometimes even when you are at home. its so disgusting.

recently i have been telling my mother that i dont want to shave and that i need to be comfortable in my own body the way it is and she kept telling me its hygienic which is not true. my brother has a lot of body hair and i was jokingly tellinf him ew you should shave and my mom suddenly got up and defended him saying dont listen to your crazy sister dont shave if you dont want to. and when i mentioned that she kept telling me to shave she went on again about how men and women are different.

everyone is disengious recently i decided to do a deconstructing journey and wanted to understand islam more. i did this with a friend whom i loved so much at the time she made me feel so seen bec she claimed that she also was deconstructing but eventually the relationship seemed into where i was the one who had more questions and she was just answering them and explaining them to me. one time a certain "exmuslim/atheist" creator pissed me off online and made many ridiculous claims i was venting to her about it and after we talked she said "you know i was starting to get worried about you with all the questions you had i thought you were getting brainwashed glad to see you are on the right track" i felt so angry and betrayed because i thought we were both learning and exploring our thoughts together except she just had a singular perspective and focused on answering me.

on top of that i also hate antitheists and western feminist who infantilize and constantly make claims the muslim women are stupid and that they are the peak of intelligence. and obsessed with undressing muslim women. so much harm to muslim women told in progressive language. so much entitlement and feeling that muslin women owe them exposure.

but i also hate my conservative family and their perceptions. i hate conservatives in general. i hate how when i tripped and fell on this metal thing that went straight to my chest and caused severe bruising on my body the first thing my mom decided to tell me was check my relationship with God. i hate how a bit my neck from the back was showing and my started to slur shame me. i hate how when i posted something on tiktok my dad called me a prostitute.

i want to take it off so bad and redevelop my relationship with my body and the hijab. but its been too long and it just feels wrong i dont know what to do. but i also hate those anti islamic idiots that are so desperate for me to take it off and use me to hurt others. and i hate quranists too they piss me off. everyone does. i genuinely dont know how to feel or what to do.

i havent prayed in months but at the same time i believe in god but at the same time i dont know. i am so stressed. because on top of that i have adhd and i am always anxious my sleep scheduled is fucked my grades are horrible the fact that i used to dream of going to harvard and oxford seems so stupid and childish now my parents dont seem to understand anything i say and neither do my friends. i am failing in everything. and i dont know what to do anymore. i am so tired and drained and confused.

Calling all athletic girlies. Let me start by saying that i am thin, and am constantly losing weight and my appetite is basically null. I don't need to lose or gain weight per se but my body is so damn stiff and i have no muscles.

I spend ALL of my waking hours on a desk and a screen. Be it work, university, or even my own hobbies which happen to be gaming and art 🥲🫢

I've been having arm and neck pain, and upper back pain, although i always fix my posture cuz i don't want to end up with an arched back. It's just that i feel like the area around my shoulders is hurting by the end of the day from sitting straight and having my hands on a keyboard and mouse. I'm 24 btw 😭 I try to do stretching and stuff but that could only do so much. But i do loooove walking, I don't get tired from walking around ever.

How do i get started with physical activities? I have zero athletic background and have never been in any sport, never been to a gym ever. Im not so fond of gyms (hijabi, clothing and travel inconvenience as i live far and also don't know how to use equipment and such and also have no one to go with) so i have some anxiety about going that discourages me, besides commitment. I would really like to get into a sport, tried boxing just because it was an all woman private club but i was so bad at it and eventually got bored (too violent for me 😂). I would like to try bouldering but i feel like it's not appropriate for a hijabi. i really don't know how to start especially when i notice most people my age are already ahead in regards to gym or sport expertise....

Finally, i feel discouraged mostly because of the hijab, the inconvenience and I don't have any sporty hijabs/don't know how to wear them/where to buy them and not look like an egg. So if anyone has tips i would highly appreciate 💞

How do you become “the woman” while still keeping a balance between deen and dunya? I mean someone who genuinely wants it all—closeness to Allah, beauty, love, marriage, financial success, a good career, nice things, travel, comfort and even a little luxury—without feeling like wanting these things makes her less religious or too attached to the dunya. As Muslim women, especially hijabis, how do you build a life that is ambitious, feminine, beautiful and fulfilling while keeping Allah at the centre and not compromising your values?