r/PakistaniiConfessions

Need advice about my husband and in-laws.

I’ve been married almost 3 years and have always lived separately from my inlaws because of my husband’s postings. Recently he was posted to his hometown so I tried living with his family for a month. I cooked food and everything. My room was right next to common room and There was almost no privacy, I eventually overheard my MIL and BIL talking badly about me and my family. When I confronted her she denied everything and called me a liar. My husband privately admitted she was wrong but didn’t stand up for me.

I came back to my mother’s house. We always had govt houses allocated but this time it isnt available. Now my husband says he’ll rent a separate house only if I give up my monthly pocket money, and he’ll tell his mother that I am the one who doesn’t want to live with them.I feel completely betrayed. I don’t think wanting a separate home is unreasonable, but I’m being made to feel like I’m creating the problem.

What would you do? how do I deal with a husband who won’t stand up for me?

Baat ye hai kay mere parents mujhy bhtttt badikhlaq aur rude larki kehte hen.

I agreee that I have anger issues. But sara masla ye hai kay I have a very rough past. Bachpan say I was a people pleaser. I gave my 1000% to make everyone happy but all I got was pain, betrayal, and bullying.

My khandan wale never really talked to be since I lived abroad, my best cousin left me and I use to beg her to talk to me.

I was unlucky in love no matter kitna bhi Piyar dun, mujy sirf aur sirf dard milta tha.

I got batammiz when I got my first love heartbreak when I was 18. Uske bad I got anger issues. Now I’m in my 20’s.

My mother always compared me with good girls. Isko dekho ye kitni achi hai, wo kitni achi hai. Abhi bhi she compared me with her bhanji kay wo bht khushikhlaq hai and u are so rude.

Mujhpe aik waqt aisa aaya tha kay mujhy apne cousins ki doston ki bhttttt zaroorat thi but everyone abandoned me.

And now I hate them. I have no social life. Ppl don’t include me and i genuinely dunno why.

Sometimes I think to get therapy. Deen say bhi dhoor hoon.

I dunno what to do.

My mother finds everyone good except me.

Sari burai Mujhmein hai bas.

Isi waja say, ab mera acha banne ka dill nhi krta

I hate people
And. I love being alone

I’ve gained a lot of weight and I hate how I look

I look so fat and ugly but I got no motivation to loose weight.

I feel miserable….

My friend is a Palestinian studying in Faisalabad doing mbbs. Today one of his professor was giving lecture in urdu and asked him a question to which he said i dont understand please explain in english but the teacher insulted him infront of class.

He says that its an international uni with many foreigners so why is the teacher being unreasonable? Anybody has real advice what he can do to protect himself cuz the teacher threatened him to expell from finals. He has not many friends in the uni and very anxious now

We had a free medical checkup week at our workplace. I decided to avail the opportunity... I mean why not? Some of these tests cost quite a significant amount. This was done as a collaboration between our company and one of the local hospitals.

I got my ECG test done that required me to go topless (relax, I'm a guy). The guy who did the test was a tall, well-built, white skinned Middle Eastern man, albeit bald.

While waiting in the queue for the consulting doctor with my test results, I heard this ECG guy tell a rather attractive, ebony colored Indian girl from our HR department: "Oh I would love to do an ECG test on you right here right now." You get the gist. And he said it in front of everyone.

As per what y'all champions of women rights preach, this is a form of unwarranted and inappropriate sexual advance/remark, no? Appearance of the guy shouldn't matter, because this is an unethical act regardless, no?

Instead, the girl laughed. She even playfully elbowed him and said "Oh I'd love that."

In a similar situation back at one of my previous workplaces in Pakistan, an average looking guy simply asked the new girl for her number so that he can add her to the department's Whatsapp group. She complained to the HR and they were almost on the verge of firing him.

So, my question is: Is it harrassment only if the guy is not attractive? How would you have reacted to it?

At what point do you girls decide that such remarks are playful flirting and not harrassment?

I'm genuinely curious. I prefer to keep my personal and professional life separate and keep a healthy, professional distance from the female colleagues at work. But the dual standards really baffle me.

Hello all

My best buddy works at a superstore in Orange County with a woman from Pakistan.

He confessed to me they like each other and are serious.

I believed Pakistani woman are not allowed to be in relationship or marry US men? He has explained to me she went to college in Pakistan and also in the US, she is working after her college here, so maybe her family are more liberal and she does not wear hijab.

I want to know what he can expect from a romantic thing with her? Can they go on dates and do other things like in California? He says she is very private but I do not want him to be disappointed if there are things that will not happen

I’m losing my mind right now and just need to get this out.

About 4 months ago, I met this girl in a random GC. We live in different cities, but we clicked instantly. I have a completely clean past. This was my first time ever really trying to build something real with someone.

I gave her my absolute best.

We talked on call for hours, shared everything, and even had each other’s Instagram passwords.

She has a heavy past and told me early on that she had “closed the door” on love because she was terrified. But she let me in. She told me I was a 10/10 guy, that I had every quality a man should have, and that she couldn’t believe someone could treat her so perfectly.

I literally coded a custom interactive website from scratch just for her birthday.

We even got on a video call and set up a cycle-tracking app together on our phones so I could understand her moods and take care of her better.

She was happy.

She wanted this.

About 20 days ago, I formally confessed my feelings. At first, things were great. But as it got more real, she completely panicked.

The girl who loved my effort suddenly said she was “afraid of hurting me,” that her feelings were “dead,” and she started pulling away hard.

I have bad anxiety, and watching the person I love suddenly turn cold made me panic.

I started sending her long paragraphs, not to control her, but desperately begging her to see her own worth and not destroy the beautiful thing we were building.

Instead of communicating, she dropped a nuclear bomb.

To force me to walk away, she made a massive, devastating claim about her recent past. Logically, the timeline of what she claimed doesn’t even make sense.

I know deep down she just said the most extreme, disgusting thing possible to make me leave because she feels suffocated by the pressure of a real relationship.

Now, I’m currently going through a terrifying medical scare with my brain health, and instead of being there for me, she’s ice cold.

Today, I broke down and begged her not to do this to us.

She just flatly replied:

«“Why are you repeating the same thing? Nothing has changed.”»

I feel completely destroyed.

I didn’t do anything wrong.

I gave her pure, unfiltered effort, and she ruined my clean past because she was too broken to accept being loved properly.

How do I stop begging someone who clearly doesn’t care anymore?

How do I let go of the anger that I wasted my first real love on someone who burned it all down?

So here’s the situation. I’m a mechanical engineer, my wife is a software engineer at a US startup. She pulls in roughly three times what I make. We’ve been managing things with me covering the utilities, groceries, everything. I’m fine carrying the load most of the time — I never expected us to split 50/50 just because the numbers are different.

But money’s gotten tighter on my end lately, and I asked if she could start putting a little toward the household stuff. Not half, not even close — just something so I’m not the only one writing checks every month. Her response was basically “that’s your job.”

I’m not looking to start a fight or make this about gender roles. I just want to understand how other couples in a similar spot actually handle it when one person (in this case the wife) earns significantly more. Do you pool everything? Keep separate accounts and contribute proportionally? Have a fixed amount the higher earner kicks in? Something else?

Curious what has worked (or blown up) for people who’ve been here.

My parents are deadass more worried about me not locking in than I am before joining uni.

Likee they say that I have to start going to the gym consistently and take everything seriously, Helpppp.

Living in a few Western countries and actually using their healthcare systems made me notice something I hadn’t really thought about before regarding Pakistan.

If you can afford private healthcare back home, access is actually pretty quick. You can usually book a doctor and get seen without much delay. Specialists are often directly accessible, and things like MRIs or other tests can be arranged pretty fast too.

In the West, my experience was quite different. There were often longer waits—sometimes weeks or even months just to see a specialist. And then there are referrals, approvals, and a lot of administrative steps in between. Even things like MRIs or ER visits can involve waiting longer than you’d expect.

What really stands out in Pakistan’s private system is how direct it feels. Independent doctors and diagnostic centres create a kind of competition, so appointments, tests, and even second opinions are usually quick to get.

Cost is another big difference. Private healthcare in Pakistan is generally much more affordable compared to many Western countries, and a lot of the doctors are genuinely very good.

Of course, it’s not all perfect. Public healthcare, rural access, and inequality are still big issues.

But if you’re using private care, things can move surprisingly fast compared to the more structured systems abroad.

Living in the West just made me realise that organisation and accessibility don’t always translate the same way in real life.

It’s less about one system being better overall, and more about different trade-offs.

Curious if anyone else who’s lived in both has felt the same way?

I’ve been married for 4 months. My husband is genuinely a good man and has always supported me, but household chores have become the main source of conflict in our marriage.

My MIL is extremely particular about housework. She wakes up around 6:45 every day and starts cleaning. If I’m even slightly late, she starts doing everything herself, then later complains that she’s old, diabetic, and has to do everything alone.

But when I try to help, she often redoes things or doesn’t let me do them because I supposedly don’t do them “the right way.” I’ve asked her to guide me because I didn’t grow up doing much housework and was working before marriage, but she says, “You’re not a child.”

I’ve tried suggesting that we simply divide the chores and each take responsibility for certain things. The problem is that even when she finishes her share, she keeps doing extra things. Then she gets overwhelmed and presents herself as the victim, saying she has to do everything. She also complains to my husband about it.

She has been managing the house for around 30 years, so obviously she has her own system and standards. But it feels like she wants things done her way while simultaneously not allowing me to actually take responsibility for them.

For context, I do contribute: I mop, wash dishes, lean a bathroom, cook and make breakfast, and we each wash our own clothes. But I’m not naturally obsessed with cleaning like she is, and I don’t want my entire life to revolve around housework.

A maid isn’t an option either. She believes having a maid would affect the tarteeb (ترتیب/organization) of the house.

So I genuinely feel stuck. If I’m slow, she does everything and complains. If I do something, she criticizes or redoes it. If I ask her to divide the work, she keeps doing more anyway.

How do I deal with this without constant conflict? Has anyone dealt with a MIL like this? What boundaries or practical approach actually worked for you?

Hi everyone, I know this is a long shot, but I want to be optimistic and give it a shot!

On the night of August 16th, I met a guy near Barceloneta beach / W Hotel area in Barcelona. We had a nice chat, and he asked for my contact info, but I was hesitant and didn't give it-which I really regret now!

About him:

Background: Pakistani, originally from Islamabad, living in the US for around 6-7 years.

Appearance: Average height, caramel skin, dark eyes, and a distinct mole above his right eyebrow

No beard

About me

I'm an Italian girl with a strong Italian accent, lots of curly brown hair, and light eyes.

I was wearing a blue dress with a side slit.

I was with my Pakistani female friend who spoke Urdu with him!

If you think you know him, or if you are reading this, please send me a Direct Message! Thanks a lot to anyone who can share or help

Angelica

Wife stuck in Pakistan because of the pause and we've only been together for total time 2 months over 3 years. She was supposed to come this year and had her interview in Jan. But unlucky we were not in time before the pause.

How are people like this faring? How are we supposed to fare? How are people supposed to cope when job doesn't allow much time off, had to take pto for health issues and other important stuff, and can't quit job because life is settled in US?

Anyone else dealing with this nightmare?

I’m 23F and recently moved to a new neighborhood. During evening walks, I started hanging out with a group of girls my age. Soon enough, I realized none of them have a clue about basic real-world finances or basic independence.

They don't know how to use banking apps, pay bills, book their own doctor appointments, or even go to the doctor by themselves. They rely entirely on their fathers or husbands for every minor thing. When I mentioned that I manage my household's finances, pay bills, handle my own medical appointments, and actually know what everyday staples like flour and oil cost, they started calling me the "man of the group."

Since when is basic adult competence considered masculine? Playing helpless and not knowing how to navigate the world isn't a cute personality trait. Knowing how to manage your life is just basic adulting. Does anyone else get completely frustrated by this mindset?

There was a girl lets call her Hina and a guy lets call him Adil.

During university, Hina had been in two relationships and was also in contact with several other guys. If we put morality aside for a moment, I believe she had every right to explore her options and decide who she wanted to be with. Maybe she was simply trying to figure out who would be the best partner for her.

The thing is I was one of those options too.

Hina was never officially in a relationship with me, but she was clearly interested in me. I'm not a particularly handsome guy. If I had to rate my looks honestly, I'd probably give myself a 6. So even at the time, I wondered why someone like her would be interested in me.

We talked for about a month, and during that time, she opened up to me about almost everything. We became quite close, and I genuinely felt that she was interested in me.

Then, completely out of nowhere, she disappeared.

She ghosted me and blocked me everywhere. She even stopped coming to university, so I had no way of asking her what had happened. She just vanished.

I know some people might say that I must have done something wrong or that i probably gave her a reason to block me. But honestly, I don't think I did anything wrong. As far as I know, I treated her well and did everything right.

Then, three months later, she suddenly messaged me again.

She told me that her family had found out about us and that this was the reason she had blocked me and disappeared. I honestly laughed when I heard that because I didn't believe her.

By that point, I had already started feeling like I was just being kept as an option. So when she came back, I said no to her.

There was also another reason I said no. I felt like I didn't deserve someone like her. She was extremely beautiful, and I couldn't understand why someone like her would genuinely choose someone like me. I thought maybe I had misunderstood her interest in me from the beginning.

Around four or five months later, I found out that Hina had married secretly a guy from our university.

I am not trying to judge him based on his appearance, but if i am being completely honest he isn't particularly good looking either. I'd probably rate him a 4 on a good day.

At first, I didn't think much of it. But then I found out something that completely changed the way I looked at the whole situation.

One of my friends is extremely good looking and gets a lot of attention from girls at our university. He told me that Hina had been texting him for about a year. He even showed me some of their messages.

I was shocked.

She had apparently been talking to him during the same period when she was talking to me and trying to build something with me.

My friend was also confused because Hina was now married, yet she was still texting him. So he asked her directly why she was still talking to him when she was married.

According to my friend, Hina told him something along these lines:

"The reason I married Adil is because I know he won't leave me. I'm the prize. He has to win me every day and earn me every day. If I had married someone like you, I would never be able to control him because I would always be afraid that he could leave me." (Not exactly her words but something like this)

That statement completely messed with my head.

Apparently her husband knows that she is still in contact with several other guys and has allowed it. Hina has told him that they are just friends.

And now i am left wondering what actually happened.

I thought that when Hina showed interest in me, she genuinely liked me. For the first time, I felt like someone had actually chosen me. I allowed myself to believe that maybe someone could genuinely be attracted to me and want to be with me.

But now I keep thinking about everything that happened.

Was she actually interested in me, or was I simply one of several options she was considering?

Was I someone she genuinely wanted, or was I just someone she knew would always be there?

And most importantly was I ever really a person she chose, or was I just a pawn in a game I didn't even know I was playing?

Maybe I'm looking at the situation completely wrong. Maybe there are things I don't know. I understand that I'm only hearing one side of the story.

But knowing everything I know now, I can't help but ask myself

What did I actually mean to her?

My former employer owes me 2 months' salary (June-July and July-August). i served my 30-day notice as well, and I'm tired of texting and calling him to pay me, and i hear the same thing "Client haven't paid"

What legal action can i take? I heard there is a Muhtasab? That looks after these issues? Please help

I’m from India, and my girlfriend lives in Peshawar, Pakistan. Her birthday is coming up on August 26th, and I really want to do something special for her and surprise her, but being in different countries esp like ind and pak it makes things really difficult.
I can’t physically go there, and because of the payment issues between India and Pakistan, I can’t simply order flowers, chocolates, or a gift for her from here either.
I was thinking about contacting some online gift shops or flower shops in Peshawar and asking if they could somehow arrange even just 4–5 flowers for her. Obviously, I don’t expect anyone to do it for free, but I’m struggling to figure out how I could actually pay them from India.
I also thought about messaging one of her best friends and asking if she could help me get some flowers or a small gift for her. The problem is that I’ve never actually spoken to her friend before, so I’m worried it might feel awkward. And again, I don’t know how I would send her the money.
There’s also one of her cousins who knows me, and I could potentially ask him for help, but I don’t want to just ask him to go buy something for me without being able to properly pay him. I don’t want anyone to feel like I’m making them do something for me.
Last year, I made an Instagram page for her birthday and filled it with a lot of posts about us. I also made her a little website, which was honestly kind of funny and silly, but she absolutely loved it lmao
This year, I really want to do something even more special. She means the world to me, and I want her to feel loved and appreciated even though I can’t physically be there with her.
So I’d really appreciate some genuine advice. Is messaging her best friend actually a good idea? If so, what should I say to her without making things awkward? And is there any other way I could arrange flowers, chocolates, or some kind of surprise ?
I’m open to any creative ideas. I just really want to make her birthday special. ❤️

I’m a female and I was 19 yr when this story took place ( Now I am 21 ). I come from a very traditional and conservative family and in our culture we do value hospitality a lot. My father had a friend who used to live in france that was originally from the same country as us and he was coming to spend the summer here therefore leading my father to invite him to stay with us for a couple days. When he came the first couple days were pretty typical and the guest actually sounded pretty friendly and likeable until one day when we finished dinner my father went on the balcony for a smoke as usual and me and my older sister helped my mother take the dishes to the kitchen. I was heading to my room till I remembered that I forgot my phone in the room where we have dinner, I went there to pick it up in a shy manner ( Note that the guest was still in there alone ), as soon as I was heading out to my room and to not sound impolite I told him « I’m going to sleep, goodnight » to which he shocked me and sent shivers down my spine by answering « How can I not have goodnight when I’m looking at a cutie like you » while giving me this disgusting flirty look ( Mind you he is old as my father, maybe even older ) I froze for a sec and responded with this uncomfortable grin then left straight to my room. I couldn’t sleep that night and at some point even started tearing up because I felt that my family was betrayed by a man that saw nothing from us but a huge welcoming and great hospitality. I was thinking to tell my father however I was way too cringed by the situation and also too scared of his reaction because my father is really protective of us so I was anxious about him having an exaggerated reaction that can cause trouble for him ( Like hitting him or even worse ). The only one I told was my sister and she was as disgusted and as disappointed as me. So we agreed on not telling anyone and to keep it for ourselves since I asked my father and he told me he was going to be gone in maximum 2 days. During those 2 days me and my sister couldn’t calm down in regard of the filthy actions of that pig that’s why I asked him if wanted a glass of water or lemonade in the most warm ways to not attract his doubts, when he requested a lemonade I went to the kitchen and poured it for him and me and my sister bother spat huge loads of saliva in his drink and we proceeded to mix it up with a spoon so it goes unnoticed. We repeated this process every time we served him a drink and in those 2 days it’s safe to way that he consumed the equivalent of 1 small bottle of saliva from me and my sister lol. When he wasn’t around we also went to his room and spat on his pillow and quickly rub it so it dries so it does go unnoticed, however the smell it may leave will definitely not go unnoticed and that pig has no way to know what we did.

What we did was kinda relieving to an extent but not as relieving as see him get the f out our house on the 2th day. Idk if what did was wrong or not but I can confidently say what he did was 100% inappropriate and that he got what he deserved

It’s been a bit over a year and I still really like this Pakistani girl.

No idea if she likes me back more than a friend.

I’ve noticed this and I don’t know how I feel about it. But sometimes women post like on their social media of celebrity men or fantasy books guys and on their videos it says may this type of man find me. Or the video says I want a man to show up at my door.

Or videos that have Taylor swift songs and it says I’m staying single until someone makes me feel like this.

Im almost 20M and the girl (lets call her Zee) is my age mate as well. Ww met each other in kindergarten and have known each other since 14 years. We Used to be friends when we were kids and then the boys and girls buildings got separated.

Long story short we got into the same college coincidentally and i had come out of a relationship in which the girl and i used to be friends prior to being in a relationship for 4 years and the breakup did take a toll on me mentally.

Zee and I became friends in A1 and like now we are in A2. We used to talk a lot and like she really helped me move on from that girl and like she also used to like me when we were kids. Long story short she developed feelings and so did I.

The feelings were too strong tbh and I had been in love before but this time it was different, it was too pure. I am in love with that girl so deeply and idts a girl better than her can even exist. I have talked with many girls and even had makeouts etc but this girl was different. If a fairy had descended on earth it would be her.

Her feelings for me are the same if not stronger. But long story short she and I were drinking coffee in our car and two police officers came and opened the door and harassed us illegally. One of them made our video ke aa naa mehram beithe hue saah etc and took our phones and everything gaari mein beithe ke. He forcibly took our parents ke numbers and said i have this video and i can make a dozen more from this one clip. He was basically blackmailing us and he incident was very traumatic for us and long story short I paid them 220k to leave us but he wasted sm of our time that Zee’s driver was outside her friends house and when i dropped her he saw that she came from somewhere else and told her parents and they found out that she loves me and i love her back. The police incident was so fucking traumatic he took his pistol out and placed it in the car to pressurise us further and because of him her parents found out as well.

I told my parents about the police thingy but zee didnt and Allah ka shukar her parents dont know abt that but the relationship thingy they were aware of and were angry with her. They didnt beat her or anything but said ab se oos se baat naa karna and she texted me this oon ko dikhane ke liye. Well she and I do talk roz very little bcs her parents are pressuring her roz but she did take a stand for us the day they found out by saying she wants to marry me and later told them that she will do anything they want but js let her marry me in the future and obv they said no because thats what parents do.

I have two sisters as well and ik parents are protective of their daughters bcs they think men arent serious at this age and they just are taking advantage of girls and tbh they are right but im absolutely serious abt her. Well again long story short zee and I decided to wait 2 years until we are in university ka second year and i can send rishta to her house and hopefully her parents agree.

I am praying to Allah roz 5 times and tahajjud as well for her and i hope she waits for me as well like im waiting for her. Zee’s cousin texted me saying she crys all the time everywhere and in the mall and said u guys can wait and we will help u tab as well and everything will get alright with time.

What should I do? Zee says she cant stop loving me and will wait but lekin her parents give her taane wagaira asw i dont want ke oon ke pressure mein aa ke she gives up.

All my siblings know about zee and im srs abt her and im going to tell my mother asw today. Tbh my family is chill and my parents have said apni marzi se shaadi karni jidhar bhi karni. And I come from a very wealthy family and like manage our factory alongside studies as well. Im also good looking (not self glazing) because a lot of girls initiate conversations with me khudse and send requests on social media platforms.

I really hope her parents agree in the future and she waits for me jaise I will wait for her. What do you guys think I should do? We arent talking utna jitna we used to bcs the incident is a week old and she is under watch and tbh its taking is a mentall toll thora on me but shes comforts me roz raat ko. Shes very nice and like never had a male friend or boyfriend except me and like never even had a man in her acc before me. Thats why im not scared that she will leave me for another guy but im scared that her parents will put too much pressure on her. Yet she continues saying I miss u alot and i cant stop loving u or lose u. What should I do?