[22M] I poured my heart into a girl with a heavy past, and she completely shattered me. I know I need to walk away, but I can't stop begging her to stay.
I’m losing my mind right now and just need to get this out.
About 4 months ago, I met this girl in a random GC. We live in different cities, but we clicked instantly. I have a completely clean past. This was my first time ever really trying to build something real with someone.
I gave her my absolute best.
We talked on call for hours, shared everything, and even had each other’s Instagram passwords.
She has a heavy past and told me early on that she had “closed the door” on love because she was terrified. But she let me in. She told me I was a 10/10 guy, that I had every quality a man should have, and that she couldn’t believe someone could treat her so perfectly.
I literally coded a custom interactive website from scratch just for her birthday.
We even got on a video call and set up a cycle-tracking app together on our phones so I could understand her moods and take care of her better.
She was happy.
She wanted this.
About 20 days ago, I formally confessed my feelings. At first, things were great. But as it got more real, she completely panicked.
The girl who loved my effort suddenly said she was “afraid of hurting me,” that her feelings were “dead,” and she started pulling away hard.
I have bad anxiety, and watching the person I love suddenly turn cold made me panic.
I started sending her long paragraphs, not to control her, but desperately begging her to see her own worth and not destroy the beautiful thing we were building.
Instead of communicating, she dropped a nuclear bomb.
To force me to walk away, she made a massive, devastating claim about her recent past. Logically, the timeline of what she claimed doesn’t even make sense.
I know deep down she just said the most extreme, disgusting thing possible to make me leave because she feels suffocated by the pressure of a real relationship.
Now, I’m currently going through a terrifying medical scare with my brain health, and instead of being there for me, she’s ice cold.
Today, I broke down and begged her not to do this to us.
She just flatly replied:
«“Why are you repeating the same thing? Nothing has changed.”»
I feel completely destroyed.
I didn’t do anything wrong.
I gave her pure, unfiltered effort, and she ruined my clean past because she was too broken to accept being loved properly.
How do I stop begging someone who clearly doesn’t care anymore?
How do I let go of the anger that I wasted my first real love on someone who burned it all down?