u/sentimentalyusra

I’ve been married for 4 months. My husband is genuinely a good man and has always supported me, but household chores have become the main source of conflict in our marriage.

My MIL is extremely particular about housework. She wakes up around 6:45 every day and starts cleaning. If I’m even slightly late, she starts doing everything herself, then later complains that she’s old, diabetic, and has to do everything alone.

But when I try to help, she often redoes things or doesn’t let me do them because I supposedly don’t do them “the right way.” I’ve asked her to guide me because I didn’t grow up doing much housework and was working before marriage, but she says, “You’re not a child.”

I’ve tried suggesting that we simply divide the chores and each take responsibility for certain things. The problem is that even when she finishes her share, she keeps doing extra things. Then she gets overwhelmed and presents herself as the victim, saying she has to do everything. She also complains to my husband about it.

She has been managing the house for around 30 years, so obviously she has her own system and standards. But it feels like she wants things done her way while simultaneously not allowing me to actually take responsibility for them.

For context, I do contribute: I mop, clean a bathroom, cook and make breakfast, and we each wash our own clothes. But I’m not naturally obsessed with cleaning like she is, and I don’t want my entire life to revolve around housework.

A maid isn’t an option either. She believes having a maid would affect the tarteeb (ترتیب/organization) of the house.

So I genuinely feel stuck. If I’m slow, she does everything and complains. If I do something, she criticizes or redoes it. If I ask her to divide the work, she keeps doing more anyway.

How do I deal with this without constant conflict? Has anyone dealt with a MIL like this? What boundaries or practical approach actually worked for you?

I’ve been married for 4 months. My husband is genuinely a good man and has always supported me, but household chores have become the main source of conflict in our marriage.

My MIL is extremely particular about housework. She wakes up around 6:45 every day and starts cleaning. If I’m even slightly late, she starts doing everything herself, then later complains that she’s old, diabetic, and has to do everything alone.

But when I try to help, she often redoes things or doesn’t let me do them because I supposedly don’t do them “the right way.” I’ve asked her to guide me because I didn’t grow up doing much housework and was working before marriage, but she says, “You’re not a child.”

I’ve tried suggesting that we simply divide the chores and each take responsibility for certain things. The problem is that even when she finishes her share, she keeps doing extra things. Then she gets overwhelmed and presents herself as the victim, saying she has to do everything. She also complains to my husband about it.

She has been managing the house for around 30 years, so obviously she has her own system and standards. But it feels like she wants things done her way while simultaneously not allowing me to actually take responsibility for them.

For context, I do contribute: I mop, wash dishes, lean a bathroom, cook and make breakfast, and we each wash our own clothes. But I’m not naturally obsessed with cleaning like she is, and I don’t want my entire life to revolve around housework.

A maid isn’t an option either. She believes having a maid would affect the tarteeb (ترتیب/organization) of the house.

So I genuinely feel stuck. If I’m slow, she does everything and complains. If I do something, she criticizes or redoes it. If I ask her to divide the work, she keeps doing more anyway.

How do I deal with this without constant conflict? Has anyone dealt with a MIL like this? What boundaries or practical approach actually worked for you?