r/Hijabis

Salam, I’m a convert 26 yo.
I was wearing a hijab for one year and honestly I can’t anymore. I live in Europe and as a white girl with hijab I don’t fit in any cultural group.
There’s not so many converts, I can’t find any group like that anywhere. There’s a group of Arab and Turkish women but they look at me weirdly and they have their own life and friends. I tried to be friends with them but after agreeing we will “for sure meet” we never did because once one was sick, then she worked, after all I stopped asking.
I get started from people everywhere, I had situations where Muslim men were talking things about me, probably because I’m a white woman.
My confidence is totally damaged, I feel the ugliest I felt in my whole life.
I also miss feeling “normal” - wearing normal clothes, not drawing attention to myself, being able to swim, not being stressed all the time if anything’s showing, and so many other things.
At the begging I felt like I will never take it off but now I just give up.
I feel like it’s affecting my mental health so much that I don’t even want to go out because first I don’t want to wear it, second I’m tired of people looking at me. I just want to disappear, to not to be seen by anyone. I feel like a shitty Muslim and now, when I take it off, people who know me they will think im not serious and I was wearing it only for my husband or smth like that

This is a long story so sorry in advance, but I’d really appreciate an outside perspective because I feel like I’m only now processing a friendship dynamic that hurt me much more than I realised at the time.

I’ve been in a friendship group of 4 girls for over 10 years. One of the girls, who I considered my closest friend (I’ll call her B), fell out with me around 6–7 years ago shortly after I got married.

At the time, B was going through a difficult period with her health and family. She had surgery, and I genuinely tried hard to support her. I checked in regularly, called often, visited her twice with flowers after her surgery, and tried to make space for what she was going through.

But over time I noticed her becoming more distant. Not openly hostile, just colder and more withdrawn. She stopped replying properly to texts, rarely answered calls, avoided meeting me one-on-one, and showed very little interest in my life anymore. Most of the time I only saw her in group settings.

I tried not to jump to conclusions because I knew she was struggling, but after months of this I started feeling confused and hurt. What made it worse was that the other girls in the friendship group also became more awkward and distant with me. No one said anything directly, but I felt like I was slowly being isolated from the group while also being told “nothing was wrong.” Looking back, it honestly made me feel a bit gaslit.

After about 8 months, one of the girls finally told me that B felt I had “changed” after getting married, that I talked about my husband all the time, and that I made her feel bad about her age because I would joke about myself feeling old and that if I think I am old, I must think she is really old (she is literally one year older than me, it made no sense)

The whole thing really shocked me because:

1. I barely saw or spoke to her during that year anyway.
2. I genuinely don’t think I talked about my husband excessively at all.
3. It all felt strangely petty

I asked the mutual friend if she agreed with B’s view, and she basically said she didn’t think I talked about my husband that much, but that B was “valid to feel that way.” That response honestly confused me more. Another girl in the group privately admitted she thought B was insecure and jealous because she was single at the time, but nobody actually challenged her behaviour or stood up for me.

It felt like everyone knew the situation was unfair but silently sided with her anyway because they were closer to her.

I asked B directly if we could talk because I genuinely wanted to resolve things. She said she would call me, but she never did. After a while I stopped chasing because I felt humiliated and angry that I was the only one trying.

Another 6 months passed before she finally reached out through the mutual friend and asked to meet.

By that point I had spent over a year feeling lonely, isolated, embarrassed, and honestly questioning myself constantly.

When we finally met, it was in a very public place. I asked her why she treated me that way and she just burst into tears and kept saying “I’m sorry” and “I missed you.” I think because I was lonely at the time, emotionally exhausted, and uncomfortable with her crying in public, I forgave her very quickly and we moved on.

Fast forward to now: she recently got married, and I was genuinely happy for her. I supported her throughout her engagement and wedding and I truly do feel relieved that she found someone she loves.

But seeing her now constantly talk about her husband in our group chat has brought up a lot of unresolved feelings for me. Not because I begrudge her happiness, but because it has forced me to reflect on how unfairly I was treated for supposedly doing exactly the same thing.

What’s also difficult is that with hindsight, I’m starting to realise there were a lot of subtle moments throughout the friendship where she put me down or humiliated me in ways I brushed off at the time.

For example, when I told her I was pregnant she asked to see my bump. When I showed her, she laughed and said “that’s such an ugly bump” and walked away laughing. At the time I laughed it off because I genuinely didn’t want to believe she was trying to hurt me, but now I keep replaying moments where I felt made smaller around her.

I think becoming a mother has changed my perspective a lot. I had a difficult postpartum experience and I feel like surviving that gave me a quiet confidence. I feel less emotionally dependent on friendships now and less afraid of being alone. I don’t necessarily have more friends, but I feel less willing to tolerate relationships that don’t feel emotionally safe or reciprocal.

Now I’m looking back at the friendship group more clearly and questioning whether these friendships were ever as supportive or genuine as I believed they were.

Part of me wonders if I’m just holding onto old resentment and rewriting history unfairly. But another part of me feels like I’m only now emotionally stable enough to properly process how hurtful this all actually was. I would like to know others opinions and if I am blowing this out of proportion or not.

Hello sisters, I’m sure we all know the struggles of our menstruation and I hope I can talk about this comfortably with you all as muslim women.

Basically some of my underwear has stubborn blood stains that cannot be ridden of no matter how much I wash or scrub, it is like it’s been dyed in to the fabric. While I try my hardest not to wear the blood stained ones sometimes they’re the only ones left to wear.

To prevent visible stains I also wear black underwear to hide any stains. Would an invisible stain invalidate my salah or any blood stain? Not all my underwear is black because bleeding can happen unexpectedly and it stains..

TLDR: Would blood stains or non-visible blood stains due to menstruation invalidate my salah?

Salaams everyone,

I hope this message finds you all in good health.

I wanted to ask for some advice, if possible. What I’m about to say may not fully make sense, and some of it may even sound contradictory, but I just need somewhere to express how I’m feeling.

Two years ago, I lost a pregnancy due to PROM. During those two years, I was completely heartbroken. I cried constantly and kept asking Allah why He had taken my baby away from me. Over time, I became numb and eventually accepted the possibility that perhaps my husband and I were not meant to have children.

Then, around two weeks ago, I found out I was pregnant again. My husband and I were overjoyed. I was making a lot of dua, eating healthier, being extra cautious, and trying my best to do everything right. Despite that happiness, I was also extremely anxious and worried throughout the pregnancy.

Unfortunately, on Tuesday, I lost the baby.

Since then, I’ve only cried a few times, but mostly I just feel numb. I feel ashamed even admitting this, but I am angry with Allah. I know Allah does not need me — I need Him — but I keep asking myself why this happened again. I tried so hard with this pregnancy, so why was it taken away from us? Why give us two weeks of happiness only for it to end in more pain and trauma?

I understand that life is a test and that we are meant to have sabr, but truthfully, I feel exhausted. I don’t know how much more I can handle emotionally.

What hurt even more was something my husband said recently. He suggested that maybe my overthinking and anxiety during the pregnancy could have contributed to losing the baby. Hearing that deeply upset me, especially because he has also become quite distant from me emotionally.

At this point, I am just tired, overwhelmed, and unsure of what advice I’m even looking for. I think I just needed to let these feelings out and hear from others who may understand.

Assalamualaikum sisters, my name is Dima and I am an alter in a medically-recognized DID system. I am Muslim, but the other personalities living in my head are not—however, I am not in control of how they act because I black out when I am not fronting. I do my best to avoid doing things that are haram, but when I am not in control of my body, there's nothing I can do to stop my other personalities from behaving in ways I know goes against my faith.

I do not know how to proceed without feeling hopeless. I have other personalities who listen to music, wear our hair openly, and do other things completely against Islam. Allah is merciful but I don't know how he can be merciful to me when I cannot control myself

I guess I just need reassurances that I am doing all that I can to keep the faith and to know not to give up. Please help me. I could use a friend right now

Salam aalykum everyone, I need some advice regarding my parents. They were never really perfect I always try my best to be kind to them our of religious obligation but it always felt like they never liked that they had children, they were never really supportive or around emotionally. They always showered us financially but they wouldn't come to any sort of special event. So it may not be a surprise that they weren't planning to attend my graduation either. I should've seen it coming but here I am been crying for the past week about it as if its a shocker. I dont know how I will take care of them at old age when they're showing me so little care now. I dont know what im looking for honestly I just wish my parents were proud of me I worked very hard to get here and theres no one at the end of the line cheering me on.

Id like some Muslims to tell me how you should deal with negligent? Parents, I dont like the western ideals of just dropping your parents cause thats obviously haram in Islam but also its not like they're causing me physical harm that I need to be away from them. I dont know thank you for reading.

Salaam,

Asking for advice regarding performing ghusl after your period ends when you are in odd locations.

I travel to remote mine sites for work, so I know I can perform travel prayers which helps when I’m working 12hr days. However, say my period has ended (fully) and I want to start my prayers as required. The facilities to have a shower are around and it’s possible for me to access them but it would mean I could not dry my hair and I’m worried about getting sick or experiencing facial freezing as it’s cold here and I would need to continue working afterwards. I have nothing on me to protect myself (e.g., wearing a beanie etc), and no hairdryer either.

It seems trivial potentially but I’m genuinely asking for thoughts on this because I don’t feel completely right performing tayammum because i know it is within possibility to do ghusl, I’m just worried it could cause me harm.

Any thoughts are appreciated, it’s not my intention to not do the right thing but I’m just unsure of what action to take!

I'm really so unsure of life right now. How is it the non Muslims always have way better lives than Muslims? Shouldnt got reward faith? My parents are considered textbook amazing Muslims but yet they struggle so much in life? My deen is wavering so bad and my life isn't going remotely in a good direction. I'm struggling with hijab so bad, even though I wear it properly. I've made a post here before but I just can't it feels so suffocating. Maybe this is just a part of being a teenage girl but I really don't know

Salam ladies! Does anyone here have recommendations for hijab/Muslim shops in Montreal? Just basic abayas, hijabs, dresses, long tunics etc. I would appreciate any store names, neighborhoods, malls. Jazakum Allahu khairan.

I am not religious enough for muslims near me and too religious for non muslims. I am isolated and lonely. Everytime i talk to someone about this issue they support the idea that it is valid that i am lonely. I feel a deep sadness in my heart.

I know that sounds bad. But please hear me out.

I think I've posted a couple times in here about how my parents are emotionally, verbally, and spiritually abusive, and weaponize Islam for their own means. My dad is the main culprit, and my mom is his enabler.

Our family has gone through a few really tough years. After I graduated college and moved back home, I've been unable to get a job or get into grad school so I've been trying to help out my family. My grandmother had dementia and was bedridden for her last two years of life so I helped take care of her. My dad recently got a stroke and was also bedridden so I helped take care of him too. At the time, I was studying for a major entrance exam so I lost out on a lot of study time, and ended up pretty much flunking the exam and losing my chance at acceptance into that school. I've been trying not to be bitter, especially when my dad and grandma have been awful people to the family. I've been trying to remind myself that Allah has a better plan for me.

I've been applying for jobs and schools for three years now but received only rejections. I've been helping my family out and we have good times sometimes, but I hate to admit that the bad times overshadow the good. My father has told me multiple times that I'm going to hell and that I should be locked up, simply for defending my mom when he berates her or even just disagreeing with him. I'm not a perfect Muslim, but I pray on time and try to read 2 pages of Quran every day; something he doesn't do. I've caught him skipping his prayers and watching porn multiple times. My brother also skips prayers too but my dad never tells him off. But if I get angry, if I fight back, or even if I ignore my father for my own sanity, my mom keeps telling me that Allah will punish me and send more hardships my way.

I feel like a failure, and that my life is going nowhere. The worst part is that I'm struggling to find comfort in my worship now too. I would listen to lectures about Prophet Musa and Yusuf and Yunus and all the times they struggled but God helped them. But it's hard for me to see Allah through a kind lens when my father constantly attacks me and I can't even defend myself if I don't want to invite punishment from God. I'm afraid to read Quran now because whenever Allah addresses the kafirs or hypocrites, I hear my mom's voice telling me that I'm in that group too.

TLDR: Struggling with education and career made even more difficult with parents who yell at me for everything I do then tell me Allah will punish me if I get angry or hate them in return.

Idk if anyone will read this, but all help is appreciated. I just had to let it all out.

"Actually, I know this is an issue I need to resolve within myself and that people can't really help me much with it. However, I’ve been thinking about it so intensely for so long and have felt so trapped that I’m writing here, hoping maybe someone can help. Because of my family, I started wearing the hijab at the age of 11, and despite not wanting to, I remained covered for a long time. I uncovered when I was 19.
But the pressure on me never stopped. Shortly after, they tried to force me to cover up again through pressure, but since I didn't want to, I am currently uncovered in secret.
I hate this. On the other hand, my resentment toward the hijab is gone; in fact, I find my covered self very beautiful and sometimes want to be that way, while at the same time, I want to stay as I am now. It feels very embarrassing, but right now, I am sometimes covered and sometimes uncovered, and I feel so ashamed of this. But I just can't seem to decide which one I want to be.
I can't figure out if I genuinely want to cover up because I want to, or if it's because my family will never accept me otherwise. I am starting university in 3 months, so I could actually be free and comfortable there, but when I think about the future, it terrifies me. For instance, in the simplest terms, even when I get married, I won't even be able to be uncovered; I will always be forced to live a double life and ppl r gonna judge me.This whole situation scares me so much." Bc im already insecure
I’m terrified of covering up again and regretting it. I have absolutely no idea what to do.

Ironically it’s how I spent my first Eid al-Adha too, back when I reverted to Islam. And I remember battling back tears as I prayed because the sight of everyone there with their mothers, sisters, grandmothers, etc. made me feel so lonely.

I married a wonderful man with a wonderful family that accepted me with open arms, but now we are separating because he confessed last night he cannot stay monogamous and had already found someone willing to be a co-wife. In our Nikah, this is my only stipulation.

We’d gone through this late last year already, but we chose to try and work through it and for a little while we were like a happy family again. And I tried, Wallahi I tried not to be suspicious and jealous and it’s killing me. I know it isn’t literally killing me but it feels like it is.

But concurrent with the pain of being alone in this house is this immense sorrow I feel. Mashallah it happened right before Eid and I feel so painfully alone.

I do have my own family. They’re catholic, they’re supportive as they can be. But the comfort from them pains me, I know they’re already hesitant about Islam, they feel it’s backwards and repressive. Every bit of comfort from them comes with their subconscious bias and Astagfirullah I don’t have the strength to do anything but cry, even though their criticisms hurt me. I can’t stand it. That I’m losing the love of my life and now I have to endure harsh words about the only thing that is keeping me from crumbling into total despair.

A year ago I prayed to Allah to let me attend one of the best universities and alhamdulillah I got in and I finished my year there. During that whole year, I just felt so... idk.

My parents kept telling me that right after college, I won't be able to leave until I pay them back every penny. It would've costed me $200k if I stayed. I realized that I don't want to live with my parents after graduation and I did not want to be indebted to them. So I transfered because I wouldn't have to pay them back if I attended the transfer school because tuition is so cheap.

My highschool invited me to a graduate panel. I feel like a failure. I feel like a fraud. I was valedictorian. I attended one of the best universities in America and I left it. My transfer school is not bad by any means. Im on track to graduate a year early, and it's a solid school. It's highly respected in econ, houses one of the best think tanks in the world but it's just the fact that it's looked down upon in my city because everyone goes there if they can't attend a better school.

I can't go up and speak about success because I'm not successful. I didn't get any internships. I left a school that thousands of people would do anything to be in. I just...idk. I feel like I failed everyone and that I'm not worthy enough.

I'm aware this is an ego issue. I know I should be grateful. But I can't help but feel like I'm a failure. Everyone is disappointed in me for leaving and for not being successful enough. Im not good in anything. Not in education, not in deen, not in anything.

I haven't prayed properly in a year and a half. I can't ask Allah to make everything better. I feel unworthy. I don't put any effort and it would be embarrassing to ask. It's like if I slack off in a class I can't ask the professor for a better grade because I don't deserve it.

I just want to crawl inside a hole and never get out. Im an embarrassment.

I wore hijab because my mom bribed me with a phone. I was 8.

I’m not joking. She said she’d buy me a new phone if I put it on. I thought it looked kind of cool anyway, so I said yes. That was it. That was the “choice.”

And now as a grown woman, I’m supposed to stand by that forever, a decision an 8-year-old made for a phone.

The thing that gets me is the asymmetry. Boys aren’t out here being held to the spiritual commitments they made at 8. boys are not expected to be visible markers or representations of Islam. Men in our communities get so much more room to evolve to question to quietly stop practicing things without it becoming a whole community event. But a woman’s hijab? That’s public. Everyone knows. it’s viewed as the 6th pillar of Islam when it’s NOT. Everyone’s watching. Taking it off isn’t a personal religious decision its a scandal. It’s your mom crying. It’s your aunties whispering. It’s your whole identity being called into question at once. and it’s a community hinging their idea of honor on you

So what do a lot of girls do? They keep it on for social pressure and then eventually take it off or live a double life. Not because they’ve thought it through and believe in it. Because the social cost of removing it is just too high.

I’ve seen this over and over in my community. Girls who wore it young, never had a real moment of choosing it, and spent years building up this quiet resentment , toward the hijab, toward their parents, toward the religion. And a lot of them eventually took it off. The pressure didn’t protect their faith. It just delayed the rupture and made it messier when it came. I know countless ppl like this

If hijab is supposed to be an act of worship, it has to actually be chosen. An 8-year-old being bribed with a phone isn’t choosing. She’s just a kid who wants a phone. And it’s not fair to then treat that moment as a binding spiritual contract she owes the rest of her life to.

Let girls actually grow into the decision. The hijab someone puts on at 22 because she genuinely believes in it is worth so much more than the one she’s been wearing since second grade because her mom made it the path of least resistance.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

I had always thought it was okay case I had seen so many hijabis and such post but some sisters told me that I shouldn’t do so, the pictures were just of my outfits and again there’s only girls on the account, it was helping with my confidence as well but I ended up archiving the posts but is it really not allowed?