r/MuslimNikah

I got married a month and a half ago. 2 weeks in the husband was sharing explicit messages with his cousin who’s his ex and sharing intimate details about me with her. He also was texting other girls while I was at my parents. We moved things fast pre nikkah to make it halal so I keep blaming myself I didn’t do enough due diligence. He seems guilty and apologetic but I’m so heartbroken this is the type of thing that you read on internet and it happened to me now and I have to live with it for the rest of my marriage because I can’t leave him my dad spent so much money at this wedding he will genuinely die if he finds out. I’m in so much pain every day I wake up with such a weird feeling that I’m scared to go to sleep. I know I need to have sabr but has anyone else been through this? How did you get out of this? How do you forget this? I had the best one month of my life i thought I found my happy ending and my person but now I have nothing left because it was all a lie and a facade I can’t even look at my wedding pictures without feeling sick and it’s killing me.

We got married a year ago and were living in long distance marriage because of my residency training and he could not move because of his job. Then I relocated as soon my training was over. We both are doctors. He moved me in his parents house, where he lived with his parents, older sister and brother. My husband has been really loving and caring towards me but as soon as I moved, I was adjusting to new state, job and new house hold with so many people and those people were not giving me space. They expected me to tell them when I am leaving even if I have to leave before they wake up for my shift, expect me to eat at their time, expect to cook their way, expect to stand when his mom cook, when I will cook would not give me space, would not give me any space to use the shared areas and all that within first month. I thought I married into supportive household hold. Then I was also commuting 20 miles via highway one way for my job and my husband’s job was just 2 miles away. I asked him to get a separate place together as we were having lot of disagreements. He asked me to leave as soon as I asked him. When I did not leave, he leased an apartment with me ( and told me to stay there, while he stay with his parents and he will pay me visits) and the first day I moved there he told me over phone, we are done and stopped communicating. Did not let me come and take my stuff. He and his family blocked me on social media and blocked my parents. Then he filed for divorce. He was sharing everything we discussed with his family, even the time I forgot to make bed before leaving, his family knew. I am thinking who ends marriage for this reason. I tried to call him and tell him to not divorce and I will adjust with him but he said time is up now. So strange, I uprooted my life for him and within 2 months he ended everything. Sometimes I am not able to grasp what happened. Islam teaches us patience and mercy but some families completely lack it.

Approaching mid 20s, been searching for years, not really looking for advice here just ranting mostly. I already know the generic stuff people would say like patience and timing and so on.

Now I think I am starting to lose my hair thanks to hair follicles genetic sensitivity to DHT. This is going to make it even harder now that looks are mostly everything nowadays and we know most women don't like bald men and the negative stigma associated with bald guys. And the hairloss medical drugs (Finasteride/Dustesteride) that suppress the hormone responsible can literally castrate you and mess you up real bad. It's just brutal. I've also seen the advice people give 'oh just work on your character, make more money'... Why must I lose something in an already brutal marriage market and have to compensate in other areas 😞. Let's say I did improve other areas of me, even then I'd probably still get called chopped shyt.

It was a good run.

I feel like culturally parents don’t give their daughters off to someone who is younger by even 1 year? Why not? If I’m 22 I’d want my wife to be 22-24 and do woman them self’s mind that? Hypothetically if it’s the man you want but younger by a year or 2 is that a deal breaker?

subhanallah i feel so at ease when im up high on trees. Allah has created a free playground for all of us to indulge in and i feel no one is taking much advantage of it. there, you can forget marriage and all its problems. i am making this post because i think lives will enhance as people climb more trees despite how silly it sounds. it is way better than scrolling on those marriage apps or having thoughts of marriage consume you like i see in this community. let it come to u fr. it brings an immense amount of adrenaline (which im always craving) and forces you to think while you bend and contort your body on each branch. and of course, once you’re up there, its like no one exists but you. that’s the reward. you can peacefully do your dhikr and make dua. you feel sudden freedom like nothing before. i would live on trees if i could.

and Allah saved me when i was getting down because i got stuck in a hole and fell ina pile of thorns 😭😭it’s okay the bruised arms and scraped toes was worth the adrenaline.

alhamdullilah for trees fr like idk what id do without them cuz no one wants to gift me access to trampolines and bouncy houses 😒😒😒😒 unless i had a husband to give me those 👀👀👀

I’m really confused and need honest advice, especially from women who have been through arranged marriages.

I’ve received a proposal from a guy who seems to tick almost all my boxes. He’s good-looking, earns well, has a good job abroad, and seems progressive, mature, calm, and kind. He’s two years older than me. His job and background checks are verified, my dad interviewed him over a video call, and my parents think he’s a good guy.

The proposal was almost settled when he wanted to speak to me personally. We discussed our expectations from marriage, and he was respectful of everything I asked for. However, he said he wants a conventional household where his wife doesn't work and focuses on the home. He says he can provide a good life for her.

I'd obviously be moving abroad with him after marriage, which makes the career question even more complicated.

My current job is quite stressful, so honestly, the idea of leaving work and having a comfortable life doesn't sound bad lol. But I don't know if I genuinely want to be a homemaker or if I'm just tired of my current job. I'm also worried I might regret giving up my career and financial independence, especially when I'd be living in another country away from my family.

He seems like a genuinely good prospect, and I don't want to reject a potentially great match over something I might be okay with. At the same time, I don't want to agree to a lifestyle I'll regret.

For women who've been in a similar situation:

• Would you give up your career for an otherwise great match?
• If you moved abroad with your husband and became a homemaker, did you regret it?
• Should I explore this proposal further and discuss expectations in more detail, or is this a fundamental incompatibility?

I'd really appreciate honest advice. I don't want to make a decision based on fear of missing out on a good match or simply being tired of my job.

Salaam everyone, I try to look good for my husband but it's challenging in that:

• Makeup: Wudhu will have to be re-made multiple times a day and that takes it off.😳

• Dressing up: I get cold easily

• Jewelry: gives me sensory issues.🫠

• Perfume: gives me headaches and rubs off on my other clothes, and blankets, etc so I have to re-wash it.😤

I always take care of my hygiene and grooming so it's not a complete mess 🙊

I guess my question is in two parts:

• How do I make it easier to look good given these issues?

• Do men generally care if their wives put in effort to look glammed up? i read somewhere that they can't tell if there's makeup on.😅

Asalamwalakum.

Just honest curiosity. Times can get tough, jobs can be lost and sometimes you can find love that crosses the responsibility threshold because trust is there.

Just wanted to ask any brothers who are married despite making less or in the US below $50k USD.

$50k USD is the median across all states so below that is below the ease in living, it's completely possible to survive and be happy making $50k USD but for Walis who ask you how much you make its considered disrespectful and to the sisters we see on this subreddit and others it's also considered bad.

Are there any good stories of brothers who have been married or gotten married despite these circumstances?

This happened two days ago, and right now I’m at my parents’ house. I’ve been thinking about it, and I’m not really sure how to feel about the situation. I’ll try to keep things non-explicit.

I got married to my husband in April, so we’re still newlyweds and very much in the honeymoon phase. He really misses me whenever I’m not around, and I was planning to go to my parents’ house for a visit.

Two days ago, the night before I was supposed to leave, my husband and I were intimate before going to sleep. I was also having allergies, so I took a tablet that was very sedative and made it extremely difficult for me to keep my eyes open.

The next morning, while I was still very drowsy and sleepy from the medication, my husband initiated intimacy with me. I was barely able to open my eyes, but I was somewhat aware of what was happening. Afterward, he lay down beside me.

I asked him what time it was, and he told me. I said I would get breakfast for him, but he told me not to worry about it and said that I should take a shower instead because he would make breakfast for me since I was leaving for my parents’ house that day.

At the time, I didn’t really think much of what had happened. I was focused on getting ready, and we had breakfast together before I left.

Now that I’m at my parents’ house and have had time to think about it, I keep wondering why he didn’t wake me up properly or check with me before initiating intimacy when I was so drowsy from the medication.

Maybe I’m overthinking the situation, or maybe I’m only processing it now because I’ve had some time away from him. I love my husband, and we have a good relationship. I know he misses me when I’m away, and we’re still in that newlywed phase where we want to be close to each other all the time.

But I’m still unsure about how to feel about what happened that morning.

Should I be concerned about this? Am I overthinking it, or is it reasonable for me to question why he didn’t make sure I was awake enough to understand and agree to what was happening? I would appreciate hearing your perspectives, especially from married Muslim women who may have experienced something similar.

I never thought I’d be writing something like this. I’m not here to attack anyone. I’m just a man who tried to do the right thing and ended up buried under debt, embarrassment, and regret.

Mine was an arranged marriage. I spoke to many proposals. She wasn’t the one I had imagined at first, but she was the one who showed me real care. She checked on me, remembered small things, and kept saying she was saving for our future. That mattered to me more than looks. Her family agreed to everything. There were a few doubts, but compared to other proposals, the red flags seemed smaller. I thought I was making a safe choice.

Then everything moved too fast. Her parents couldn’t book a venue or arrange their side of the function. Our side was already prepared. I could already imagine the whispers, the embarrassment, the blame. So I did what I thought a responsible man should do — I arranged their side too. Two functions, two places, all on my shoulders. I told myself it was temporary. I told myself we were starting a life together.

After marriage, the person I thought I knew changed. The care disappeared. The promises disappeared. What remained was a ₹3 lakh credit card bill in her name — and the expectation that I pay it. So that was my “dowry”: not gold, not savings, not support. Just debt. A bill I have to clear this month.

I feel tricked. Used. Embarrassed for trusting so blindly. And the worst part is, I still don’t know how I could have avoided her. There weren’t enough clear warnings. I chose her because she made me feel cared for. I ignored the rest.

To my fellow men: please don’t learn this lesson the way I did. The person you meet before marriage and the person you live with after marriage can be two different people. Don’t set yourself on fire just to avoid a little embarrassment. Talk about money. Check finances. Don’t accept debt as a gift. And don’t assume care today means loyalty tomorrow.

I’m not saying all women are like this. I’m saying I was naive. And now I’m paying for it — literally.

(Throwaway account).

Salaam. I’m 24 and I’m in a place where I can’t live at home at all. I don’t have the means to move out and I am seriously considering marriage.

I understand you get married for the sake of Allah and its constant growth etc. I have thought thoroughly and deeply about this before deciding I’m ready for marriage.

I’m at a point where I can’t stay at home anymore. My dad has been secretly gambling and using my mums money. My mum gave him a million chances and now she is also in severe debt. They refuse to leave each other for financial reasons.

They argue non stop all day too, and I’m sure people around us can tell they’re also very unhappy.

This has really made me realise that I need to take the next step in my life myself.

My auntie has sent a marriage profile and it seems okay. I’ve asked to meet him, but I’ve never met anyone for marriage before.

How should the initial meeting go and what should I look for the most? I do think I’m a good judge of character but is there anything I could overlook since I haven’t met a man yet?

Any help would be greatly appreciated. Jazakallah Khair.

For context I’m a 6th year medical student from Jeddah (non “tribal” family) and I was always planning to get married around this time or intern year. Before all this stuff happened in the medical field and now the future isn’t looking too bright. That being said my father is willing to support me till I find my footing. My mother is looking for me but refuses anyone who isn’t the same age or younger. Should I just accept that it isn’t meant to be and wait for when things are more stable for me? I’m also studying for the US medical licensing exams in case things don’t work out well for me here so that’s another thing the partner is going to have to be ok with. I’m over here thinking is that just too many requirements to ask of someone.

I 27F recently started talking to someone 31M with the intention of marriage. We both are Arab Muslims living in the UK for context. We were asking each other the usual questions to get to know one another, and he asked if I’ve ever had a boyfriend before. I haven’t, and I didn’t really think anything of that question.

But then he followed it up by asking whether I’ve “had a past” or ever done anything sexual with anyone.

I answered honestly and told him I’ve never had an emotional or physical relationship with anyone, but the question itself still felt a little off-putting to me, especially this early on.

I understand wanting to know whether someone has had previous relationships when you’re getting to know them for marriage, but asking specifically about whether I’ve done anything sexual felt more invasive.

For other Muslims who have gone through the marriage process, would this question bother you? Is this something you think is reasonable to ask early on, or would the way he asked it give you pause? And is it a red flag that he even asked

ik this is a ridiculous question but so is the racism in my country. i am between wheatish and fair in my skin complexion and the amount of advices i get to improve my skin color is insaneee. And i know that’s how it is !
my mom was telling me “ men are usually attracted to someone lighter than their skin “ idk how far is it true, but even i believe that by now which has restricted my search to some extent! is it really true ? is it common to have a wife darker than your skin tone ?? how common is it?

Salam, What your reaction would be if your potential said they want location sharing in their marriage? Like both spouses have each other location. How would u feel about this ?? Would u agree it ?

27F divorced and I have a kid and I've been divorced for almost 6 years

I just had two marriage proposals from kinda wealthy men who are looking for a second wife

I kinda refused because one is 54 and the other is 55

I feel like it's a huge age gap

But in my situation I know it's probably better since I won't be finding a young guy who's ready to take care of a family....or should I keep my hopes up....

What do you guys think... ???

Ps: pls don't dm me I'm not looking for men or anything

Thanks

I'm recently make myself available in the matrimonial app yh . I continue to get proposal from girl's parents and sometimes from the girls themselves.

I usually get just a *"*Hi, I liked your profile and stuff "or

"Hi lets get to know each other first " - something like these .

But I usually respond like

Hey 👋, Salam or nice to meet you , I'm looking for deen , character ,playful , looks and other aspects i mentioned in ma profile . Hope that's okay . If you're comfortable ,i have given you the photo request. We can take things forward once I'm good too .

Is this like too much sisters , Id like to be strict on this cuz I don't want to waste anybody time . But being like is not attracting anyone.

If this is bad , how shd I go about it .

My husband and I got into an argument that escalated to the point where it became repetitive, emotionally exhausting, and mentally draining. It's genuinely affected my mental health, and I've been feeling depressed because of everything that's happened. At this point, what hurts me the most isn't even the original argument anymore. It's how he's handled everything afterward. In my culture, when a husband and wife have a serious disagreement and the wife goes to her family's home, it's generally expected that the husband will at least reach out to her parents, check on her, or make some effort to resolve things. I understand that every marriage and culture is different, but these gestures mean a lot to me because they show respect, concern, and a willingness to reconcile.

My husband hasn't contacted my parents or anyone in my family. He hasn't come to see me, and he hasn't made a genuine effort to resolve the situation. We've only communicated twice through text messages. The first time was after my brother respectfully reached out to him, asking him to come and talk things through. My husband ignored the message for two days. When he eventually contacted me, it was to tell me that I'd ruined his reputation and that I should return home. The second time, he spoke to me about the original issue in a very disrespectful way.

Meanwhile, I'm at my family's house, struggling emotionally, and trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do. Am I expected to just accept everything, return to the apartment, and act as though nothing happened? I haven't told my family the full details of what happened because I've been trying to protect his reputation and keep our marital issues private. However, my parents are now understandably upset because he hasn't even reached out to check on me or acknowledge the situation.

I feel like I'm the only one concerned about repairing this marriage. Every day that passes, the tension between our families grows, and I'm becoming increasingly disappointed and hurt. We got married young, and lately, I've been regretting not taking more time before making such a significant decision. I consider myself a very cultural person, and I sometimes wonder whether our differences in cultural expectations are contributing to this situation. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I also feel like he's taking things too far.

There are deeper issues in our marriage, including things I believe have violated my rights as a Muslim wife. I don't want to get into those details right now, but it's difficult to explain how hurtful it feels when you believe you've been wronged and somehow end up feeling like you're the one being blamed. I'm not trying to portray him as a terrible person or make strangers choose sides. I genuinely want an outside perspective because I'm emotionally exhausted and starting to question whether my expectations are unreasonable.

update: I didnt leave the house first, he actually stormed out during our argument. I tried to follow him and begged him to stay so we could discuss things , but he ran to his car and drove off. I called and texted him multiple times, he blocked me. i tried texting him explaining that this wasn't what I wanted, but he went to his parents' house anyway. He spent eight hours there while I was shaking with anxiety, not knowing what was happening or whether things had escalated. That's when I finally decided to leave and go to my parents' house because i was tired of this cycle and didnt want to be home alone again.

we have established that family was off limits and leaving the house in the middle of a argument was off limits. but every week its not me that storms out. its him. for the past year its been a weekly occurrence. Whenever he gets angry or feels pressured, especially when I cry, he storms out, a lot of times staying away overnight.

The issue is that his family borrowed money from me seven months ago and still haven't paid me back. it was a very on the whim decision. i feel naive and i regret it and will never do it again. I'm paying interest on that money, and all I've asked for is a realistic payment plan or honestly if he just talked to me about it without waiting for me to bring it up or force a conversation I would give it up for Allah. I've even said I'd be okay with them paying just $5 a month. I don't want his family to resent me or even know I'm asking about the money, which is why I wanted my husband to handle it privately and take the initiative himself. What hurts me most isn't even the money anymore; it's his lack of communication and initiative. I constantly have to push him for updates, and even then, I get vague answers and empty promises. Meanwhile, seeing them spend money on steak dinners for a family of ten almost every week makes it difficult not to feel frustrated when I still haven't received a single payment.

I wanted this handled peacefully and privately, but instead, I feel like I'm being punished for asking for basic communication and accountability. I love his family but they've taken advantage of him him and used up all his savings and i only found out until later that my husband was taking out loans. again i found out on my own he never told me.