I read so many female marriage profiles on various muslim marriage subs and I find one thing recurring along with other : girls wanting someone "who doesn't have female friends".
And it's a valid request.
If a girl can consciously never have had male friends then why do muslim men openly have so many female friends and some even have female best friends.
Salam,
Over the last year, I’ve been in the talking stage with a couple of Muslim girls. These are girl that are hijabi, dress modestly, and come from good families. I’ve noticed though however that a week or two in, these girls would start talking about sexual stuff or tell me they’re feeling a certain type of way. To give you context, I never initiate nor do I ever steer that convo in an indirect or manipulative way.
I know some of you might think maybe these girls find you attractive to that point and I’m flexing right now , but I swear it just makes me feel like they’re not taking me seriously and just figured I’ll have my fun with this bozo before moving on. I’ve always heard of girls talk about being objectified and that’s straight up how I feel right now. Afterwards they’ll just start focusing on my physical attributes and go “did you make sure to hit the gym today“ or “you’re balding a little get on minoxidil” or “show me your arms”.
Need a girls perspective on this
Do men care about height when it comes to women?
If you aren't physically attracted to someone for whatever reason, maybe you don’t like how their face looks of whatever can physical attraction actually develop after Nikah?
once you live together, spend time together, and experience intimacy, that familiarity does it build physical attraction over time with someone you are not attracted to now?
Is it wise to ignore an initial lack of physical attraction in the hope that it will get better after marriage? Or is entering a marriage without that baseline attraction a major risk?
My father bought a stuff toy for my sister when she turned 1 year old. When turned 1 year old, she gave it to me, since then I've kept it and it's kinda my emotional support monkey.
How would you view this?
Does it depend on how much he earns, what type of job he has or how much he has saved up? Or do you have a set requirement regardless of anything mentioned above? And is it a high or low requirement?
If he earns less and your requirement is a set requirement and higher, would you lower it?
Also how much did other women in your family/friends circle ask for?
Assalamualaikum. Not sure where to begin or what I’m looking for. Guess I just needed a place to vent. So here we go.
Two years ago I met this guy. I felt as if he was meant to be mine. My naseeb. Everything felt so natural. Our parents knew. It was all set. We were to get married this year in December. I felt over the moon. Families were getting along.
Two years was the timeline he wanted from me. At that time he said he would feel more secure getting married at 26. I didn’t mind. I thought im only 23. What’s two more years? And parents were involved so what can go wrong?
But this year July, he admitted to not feeling ready for marriage. He said he loves me and wants to be with me but he gets really bad panic attacks when he thinks about marriage. He told me two years ago he felt confident that he could be a husband but now he feels like a kid. He fears responsibility.
We broke it off. The parents also ended the connection. Then the same day he came back. saying he cant live without me and will go through with it. So his mom and him call my parents and ask for nikkah again. This time I told him I’m not willing to wait for December anymore. And that if he wants me in his life, we get just the nikkah done within a week.
He lives far away by himself for work so he came down to where we live. Three days before nikkah, he becomes extremely anxious. Doesn’t eat or sleep. Speaks to himself and crying that he doesn’t wanna lose me but also doesn’t feel ready.
His mom and my dad talk and they agree to let him see a therapist and get his anxiety in control.
His therapist said he has a lot of unresolved childhood trauma.
It’s been two weeks since then. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I love him a lot and pray for him to get better. He said he will try his best to fix his anxiety. I’m giving him time to get better.
But he expressed that he’s trying but he doesn’t know if he will be ready by next year June. He said he feels selfish for keeping me around while he gets better and making me wait. I feel selfish for causing him so much anxiety.
I know he’s genuinely trying his best. And he himself has told me this fear of his doesn’t make sense because logically he knows his fears don’t make sense. He told me his fears have nothing to do with me. More so he feels like a kid. Afraid of bearing husband responsibilities. (Even tho we both are doing long distance due to work). He has cried to many times saying he wishes he could take this fear away.
But anyways, Parents know that we have until next year June for him to improve. Then they’ll start looking for me seriously.
But idk anymore. I’m emotional drained and i just pray to Allah to forgive me and take me peacefully. I know I have my sins but I’ve repented. And repenting. It’s hard to wake up every morning and pretend that everything’s okay.
It’s hard to be alive.
My younger sister is getting her nikkah done next week. She met an amazing man Alhamdulillah. And so everyone’s really excited. But my parents keep saying in desi culture it looks bad if the older sister isn’t married by the time the little sister gets married.
I’m so ashamed. Even so I pretend to be happy for everyone’s sake. I just question why this is happening. I never imagined I’d be going through this situation. I considered how life would be if I just moved on from him. But I cant. I cant love someone else as much as I love him.
Not to mention seeing how marriages are these days, I cant trust anyone to not screw me over.
I just pray that Allah forgives me and takes me now.
I’m 29, petite, thoughtful, self-aware, and hijabi. I’m here because nowadays you can meet people from all over the world online, and I wanted to give it a chance—maybe I’ll finally meet someone who fits what I’m looking for.
I’m only interested in men who are originally from the Middle East or Kurdish by background
Please don’t DM me if these don’t fit you:
1.Religious: prays, fasts, lowers his gaze, and doesn’t have female friends.
2.Height: 175–185 cm
3.Fit/active
4.Can lead and protect his family
5.Communicative and extroverted
6.Age: 26–36
7.Financially stable
I (21F) met a muslim revert (21M) online, he's Latino and I'm Arab and we live in different countries. We've known eachother for a few months now.
I decided to tell my parents about him before he could call my wali, and the answer was: "we don't know anything about him and we can't know anything about him". He comes from a different culture and country, there is a slight language barrier, and his family is non-muslim. So my parents said there is no way to do a background check. They didn't even want to give him a chance to at least get to know him.
This is confusing me though; can't they call/text his muslim mentor, friends, roommates, professors, etc.? Is there any way to remotely do a background check? Which people are you supposed to contact? Is there any way to make this all work? They also had issues with him being non-Arab, not speaking Arabic, and being a revert for only 6 months now. I feel so frustrated and desperate and I really need some advice.
Jazakumullahu Khairan
I want to convince my parents that i want to get engaged with a 21m who is not a college student while they re so strict about education .the man is hardworking and already has a stable job with a good potential but still my parents will totally refuse did anyone have a similar experience
More of a vent but its just so hard to think about "what ifs" and if it had worked etc. Even when considering new potentials, I cant help but compare what I had before I guess...
Idk what to do.
As a man whose never been married or had any relationship, struggling to find someone and worried it could take even decades, would it still be considered p*do if after I’m in my 40s I can only manage to find someone who happens to be very young? Also keep in mind I wouldn’t want to have kids in the first year or two of marriage, which is one major reason I ended a talking stage with someone a few years older than me who wanted one that soon
MODS 🙏(not generalizing of course 😅, also humor doesn't have to be very high effort aka more lines)
PS. It’s not an invitation to bash men.
I never thought I would have to write something like this.
My second marriage was something I genuinely wanted to make work. Because it was my second marriage, I tried even harder to hold everything together. I didn’t ask for a lavish life. I didn’t ask for anything extraordinary.
I didn’t even take my mahr because, honestly, all I wanted was peace.
I told him very clearly that I wanted a peaceful marriage. I wanted companionship, respect, loyalty and a home where I could finally feel safe.
Instead, I experienced things I never thought I would experience from someone who was supposed to be my husband physical abuse, manipulation, cheating, emotional turmoil and eventually being abandoned.
And on top of everything, I contracted an STI from him.
That part breaks my heart in a way I can’t properly explain.
Marriage is supposed to involve trust. You are trusting someone not only with your heart, but with your body, your future and your safety. I never imagined that the person I married could put my health at risk.
When everything fell apart, even getting divorced wasn’t straightforward. There were arguments about money and divorce, and at one point I was simply exhausted from trying to get out of a situation I never wanted to be in.
Eventually, he agreed to the separation/divorce.
And honestly, I am grateful for that small piece of freedom but I still carry the consequences of everything that happened.
I’m sharing this because I don’t want another woman to think, “It will be okay after marriage.”
Please don’t rely only on someone’s words, family reputation, religious appearance, promises or the fact that they seem respectable.
\*\*Get medical tests before marriage.\*\*
Ask about sexual health. Get tested yourself. If appropriate and mutually agreed, have your prospective spouse tested too. Discuss previous marriages, sexual health, medications, addictions, mental health, finances, expectations and anything else that could materially affect your life together.
These conversations can feel uncomfortable before nikah.
But trust me, an uncomfortable conversation before marriage is much easier than discovering something devastating after it.
And please don’t let anyone tell you that because you’ve been married before, you should tolerate more.
A second marriage doesn’t mean you deserve less respect.
I tried. I compromised. I wanted peace. I wanted the marriage to work.
But sometimes you can give someone everything you have and they can still choose to hurt you.
To every sister reading this: please protect yourself.
And to every brother: please remember that the person you’re marrying is trusting you with their entire life. Don’t hide things that could affect their health, safety or future.
Marriage should never require you to sacrifice your dignity, your health or your safety just to prove that you tried hard enough.
I am still trying to rebuild myself after everything that happened.
But I’m choosing to believe that surviving something doesn’t mean it gets to define the rest of my life.
May Allah protect every person entering a marriage from people who hide behind the institution of marriage while causing harm inside it. Ameen.
Salam sisters! I grew up in a family where there weren’t many good examples of marriage around me, so I’ve always tried to tread carefully when it comes to marriage. I genuinely feel like I’ve found the man I want to marry, but I’m curious what made you realize your husband was the one?
Was there a specific moment or quality that made you feel confident? Or was it more of a feeling that developed over time?
aoa guys, i really really need some honest perspective on this bcs im feeling super embarrassed and conflicted right now.
i met this guy back in feb and we clicked really well. we both agreed early on to keep things serious and involve our families while getting to know each other. a couple months in, he told his parents, and eventually our dads spoke on the phone.
on my end, it took A LOTTT of effort to convince my dad. i basically had to reassure him endlessly about this guy's character and religious values. after weeks of me doing all this heavy lifting, my dad finally agreed to meet him in person, and that went fine(alhumdulilah)
now, his parents are supposed to come over to my place in a few weeks. but out of nowhere, he tells me that his mom specified this is NOT a formal rishta visit. its just a casual meetup to "see how we are," and they’ll decide afterwards if our families "click" enough to move forward.
to make it worse, he randomly mentioned that he’s basically having to force his mom to come.
that made me feel so small and embarrassed for my family. i put my reputation on the line with my dad to get him onboard for something serious, and now it feels like my family is about to host people who had to be dragged here just to audit us. the thought of my parents putting in all this effort just for his mom to decide she "doesn't vibe" with us later makes me sick to my stomach.
what do i do lol
Was talking to a sister for over a month on Muzz app, with sincere real intentions from the first day from both sides. We talked about our future, non negotiables, interests, life goals, children, parenting, etc and everything you could ever ask a person when getting to know someone for marriage. So many long paragraphs and messages with the intention this will end in a nikkah, and from both sides.
Yet one Thursday night 6 weeks later, she decides to send a message “Salam! I honestly don’t want to continue on with this anymore. I hope you find what you’re looking for Insha Allah.” Less than a minute later Muzz app says her account was deleted or blocked me. I didn’t get any chance to even acknowledge what she said. I’ve been feeling so down after this moment I can’t get it out of my head. What in the world is wrong with people?
(Not interested in any sectarian debate)
How common is sufism amongst sisters?
Is it something you’ve adopted through personal exploration or through upbringing?
For non-sufi-muslims would you be open to marrying a sufi man?
i’m 32 years old, 190 cm tall, well educated, have a good job, don’t smoke or drink, go to the gym, and generally live a healthy lifestyle. I’m not saying this to compliment myself I’m just trying to give some context.
I’ve been using Muzz to find a partner, and I’ve liked around 100 women in my area, but I’ve received zero likes back. I even got a premium account, but it hasn’t made any difference.
Honestly, this experience has completely damaged my confidence. I know I shouldn’t base my self-worth on a dating app, but when you repeatedly show interest in people and get absolutely nothing back, it’s hard not to start questioning yourself.
Am I doing something wrong? Is Muzz simply extremely difficult for men? Could my profile be the problem? Or is this just how dating apps work?
Women who are looking to get married, does height matter to you? Do all girls want a guy that’s 6 ft+