u/Realistic-Fill-5716

I never thought I would have to write something like this.

My second marriage was something I genuinely wanted to make work. Because it was my second marriage, I tried even harder to hold everything together. I didn’t ask for a lavish life. I didn’t ask for anything extraordinary.

I didn’t even take my mahr because, honestly, all I wanted was peace.

I told him very clearly that I wanted a peaceful marriage. I wanted companionship, respect, loyalty and a home where I could finally feel safe.

Instead, I experienced things I never thought I would experience from someone who was supposed to be my husband physical abuse, manipulation, cheating, emotional turmoil and eventually being abandoned.

And on top of everything, I contracted an STI from him.
That part breaks my heart in a way I can’t properly explain.
Marriage is supposed to involve trust. You are trusting someone not only with your heart, but with your body, your future and your safety. I never imagined that the person I married could put my health at risk.

When everything fell apart, even getting divorced wasn’t straightforward. There were arguments about money and divorce, and at one point I was simply exhausted from trying to get out of a situation I never wanted to be in.
Eventually, he agreed to the separation/divorce.
And honestly, I am grateful for that small piece of freedom but I still carry the consequences of everything that happened.

I’m sharing this because I don’t want another woman to think, “It will be okay after marriage.”

Please don’t rely only on someone’s words, family reputation, religious appearance, promises or the fact that they seem respectable.

\*\*Get medical tests before marriage.\*\*

Ask about sexual health. Get tested yourself. If appropriate and mutually agreed, have your prospective spouse tested too. Discuss previous marriages, sexual health, medications, addictions, mental health, finances, expectations and anything else that could materially affect your life together.

These conversations can feel uncomfortable before nikah.
But trust me, an uncomfortable conversation before marriage is much easier than discovering something devastating after it.

And please don’t let anyone tell you that because you’ve been married before, you should tolerate more.
A second marriage doesn’t mean you deserve less respect.
I tried. I compromised. I wanted peace. I wanted the marriage to work.

But sometimes you can give someone everything you have and they can still choose to hurt you.

To every sister reading this: please protect yourself.

And to every brother: please remember that the person you’re marrying is trusting you with their entire life. Don’t hide things that could affect their health, safety or future.
Marriage should never require you to sacrifice your dignity, your health or your safety just to prove that you tried hard enough.

I am still trying to rebuild myself after everything that happened.

But I’m choosing to believe that surviving something doesn’t mean it gets to define the rest of my life.

May Allah protect every person entering a marriage from people who hide behind the institution of marriage while causing harm inside it. Ameen.

I never thought I would have to write something like this.

My second marriage was something I genuinely wanted to make work. Because it was my second marriage, I tried even harder to hold everything together. I didn’t ask for a lavish life. I didn’t ask for anything extraordinary.

I didn’t even take my mahr because, honestly, all I wanted was peace.

I told him very clearly that I wanted a peaceful marriage. I wanted companionship, respect, loyalty and a home where I could finally feel safe.

Instead, I experienced things I never thought I would experience from someone who was supposed to be my husband physical abuse, manipulation, cheating, emotional turmoil and eventually being abandoned.

And on top of everything, I contracted an STI from him.
That part breaks my heart in a way I can’t properly explain.
Marriage is supposed to involve trust. You are trusting someone not only with your heart, but with your body, your future and your safety. I never imagined that the person I married could put my health at risk.

When everything fell apart, even getting divorced wasn’t straightforward. There were arguments about money and divorce, and at one point I was simply exhausted from trying to get out of a situation I never wanted to be in.
Eventually, he agreed to the separation/divorce.
And honestly, I am grateful for that small piece of freedom but I still carry the consequences of everything that happened.

I’m sharing this because I don’t want another woman to think, “It will be okay after marriage.”

Please don’t rely only on someone’s words, family reputation, religious appearance, promises or the fact that they seem respectable.

**Get medical tests before marriage.**

Ask about sexual health. Get tested yourself. If appropriate and mutually agreed, have your prospective spouse tested too. Discuss previous marriages, sexual health, medications, addictions, mental health, finances, expectations and anything else that could materially affect your life together.

These conversations can feel uncomfortable before nikah.
But trust me, an uncomfortable conversation before marriage is much easier than discovering something devastating after it.

And please don’t let anyone tell you that because you’ve been married before, you should tolerate more.
A second marriage doesn’t mean you deserve less respect.
I tried. I compromised. I wanted peace. I wanted the marriage to work.

But sometimes you can give someone everything you have and they can still choose to hurt you.

To every sister reading this: please protect yourself.

And to every brother: please remember that the person you’re marrying is trusting you with their entire life. Don’t hide things that could affect their health, safety or future.
Marriage should never require you to sacrifice your dignity, your health or your safety just to prove that you tried hard enough.

I am still trying to rebuild myself after everything that happened.

But I’m choosing to believe that surviving something doesn’t mean it gets to define the rest of my life.

May Allah protect every person entering a marriage from people who hide behind the institution of marriage while causing harm inside it. Ameen.

I never thought I would have to write something like this.

My second marriage was something I genuinely wanted to make work. Because it was my second marriage, I tried even harder to hold everything together. I didn’t ask for a lavish life. I didn’t ask for anything extraordinary.

I didn’t even take my mahr because, honestly, all I wanted was peace.

I told him very clearly that I wanted a peaceful marriage. I wanted companionship, respect, loyalty and a home where I could finally feel safe.

Instead, I experienced things I never thought I would experience from someone who was supposed to be my husband physical abuse, manipulation, cheating, emotional turmoil and eventually being abandoned.

And on top of everything, I contracted an STI from him.
That part breaks my heart in a way I can’t properly explain.
Marriage is supposed to involve trust. You are trusting someone not only with your heart, but with your body, your future and your safety. I never imagined that the person I married could put my health at risk.

When everything fell apart, even getting divorced wasn’t straightforward. There were arguments about money and divorce, and at one point I was simply exhausted from trying to get out of a situation I never wanted to be in.
Eventually, he agreed to the separation/divorce.
And honestly, I am grateful for that small piece of freedom but I still carry the consequences of everything that happened.

I’m sharing this because I don’t want another woman to think, “It will be okay after marriage.”

Please don’t rely only on someone’s words, family reputation, religious appearance, promises or the fact that they seem respectable.

Get medical tests before marriage.

Ask about sexual health. Get tested yourself. If appropriate and mutually agreed, have your prospective spouse tested too. Discuss previous marriages, sexual health, medications, addictions, mental health, finances, expectations and anything else that could materially affect your life together.

These conversations can feel uncomfortable before nikah.
But trust me, an uncomfortable conversation before marriage is much easier than discovering something devastating after it.

And please don’t let anyone tell you that because you’ve been married before, you should tolerate more.
A second marriage doesn’t mean you deserve less respect.
I tried. I compromised. I wanted peace. I wanted the marriage to work.

But sometimes you can give someone everything you have and they can still choose to hurt you.

To every sister reading this: please protect yourself.

And to every brother: please remember that the person you’re marrying is trusting you with their entire life. Don’t hide things that could affect their health, safety or future.
Marriage should never require you to sacrifice your dignity, your health or your safety just to prove that you tried hard enough.

I am still trying to rebuild myself after everything that happened.

But I’m choosing to believe that surviving something doesn’t mean it gets to define the rest of my life.

May Allah protect every person entering a marriage from people who hide behind the institution of marriage while causing harm inside it. Ameen.

I used to be a very hypersexual person with an extremely high libido. Sex, attraction, desire all of it came very naturally to me.

But after going through trauma and repeatedly meeting men who were extremely lustful and made me feel reduced to sex, something in me just switched off.

Now I have almost zero libido. I don’t even recognize myself anymore. It’s strange because I remember what it felt like to genuinely desire someone, and now I can barely imagine feeling that way again.

I don’t know whether my brain is protecting me, whether I’ve simply become numb, or whether I’ve associated intimacy with too many negative experiences.

I don’t necessarily want to go back to being hypersexual. I just want to feel alive, attracted, excited and connected to someone again without feeling disgust, fear or emotional exhaustion.

Has anyone experienced such a drastic change after trauma? Did your libido ever come back?

At this point I feel like I don’t need therapy, I need a Greek god to reset my nervous system 😂😭

EDIT: creeps don’t DM otherwise you’ll burn in hell. Auto-block feature is turned on! So don’t waste your time!

I used to be a very hypersexual person with an extremely high libido. Sex, attraction, desire all of it came very naturally to me.

But after going through trauma and repeatedly meeting men who were extremely lustful and made me feel reduced to sex, something in me just switched off.

Now I have almost zero libido. I don’t even recognize myself anymore. It’s strange because I remember what it felt like to genuinely desire someone, and now I can barely imagine feeling that way again.

I don’t know whether my brain is protecting me, whether I’ve simply become numb, or whether I’ve associated intimacy with too many negative experiences.

I don’t necessarily want to go back to being hypersexual. I just want to feel alive, attracted, excited and connected to someone again without feeling disgust, fear or emotional exhaustion.

Has anyone experienced such a drastic change after trauma? Did your libido ever come back?

At this point I feel like I don’t need therapy, I need a Greek god to reset my nervous system 😂😭

EDIT: creeps don’t DM otherwise you’ll burn in hell Auto-block feature is turned on! So don’t waste your time!

I’m looking for a bit of a change from my usual routine and would love to spend some time somewhere in India volunteering in exchange for food and a place to stay.
I’m open to different kinds of work helping at a farm, hostel, animal shelter, NGO, community project, teaching, cooking, gardening, etc. I don’t mind doing physical work either.

I’m not specifically looking for a religious place. I’m open to staying with people from any religion or background, as long as the environment is safe, respectful and genuine.
Ideally I’d like somewhere peaceful where I can stay for a few weeks or even a couple of months, contribute meaningfully, meet people and experience a different way of living without spending a fortune.

If anyone has personally done something like this in India, please share your experience and the places/organizations you used. I’d especially appreciate recommendations that are safe for a woman travelling alone.

Also interested in hearing about places to avoid or scams to watch out for.

I’m looking for a bit of a change from my usual routine and would love to spend some time somewhere in India volunteering in exchange for food and a place to stay.
I’m open to different kinds of work helping at a farm, hostel, animal shelter, NGO, community project, teaching, cooking, gardening, etc. I don’t mind doing physical work either.

I’m not specifically looking for a religious place. I’m open to staying with people from any religion or background, as long as the environment is safe, respectful and genuine.
Ideally I’d like somewhere peaceful where I can stay for a few weeks or even a couple of months, contribute meaningfully, meet people and experience a different way of living without spending a fortune.

If anyone has personally done something like this in India, please share your experience and the places/organizations you used. I’d especially appreciate recommendations that are safe for a woman travelling alone.

Also interested in hearing about places to avoid or scams to watch out for.

After my own experience, I’ve started questioning the way we look at marriage.

I don’t necessarily dream of the traditional “get married first, then build a life” timeline. What matters to me is finding someone I genuinely trust, who loves me, respects me and wants to build a family with me.

Honestly, I’d want someone with the mindset of Ronaldo someone who can build a family and have children with the person he loves, and still eventually choose to marry her because he genuinely wants to, rather than because society pressured him into it.

I’m a woman, and I absolutely do want love, family, children and commitment. I’m not looking for something casual or temporary. I just don’t believe a piece of paper is what creates loyalty or makes someone stay.

Maybe I’m looking at it differently because of my past, but I’d rather have someone who chooses me every day than someone who is only committed because we signed a certificate.

What do you guys think?

Lately I’ve been thinking about marriage differently, especially after having a bad experience myself.

We often hear about men being scared of marriage because of things like false cases, financial consequences, or the fear of ending up with the wrong person. But as a woman, I sometimes wonder why I’m expected to automatically want marriage either.

What if I meet someone who genuinely understands me, respects me, is loyal and emotionally compatible with me, and we both want to build a life together? If the relationship is based on real trust and commitment, why does there have to be a piece of paper to prove that commitment?
I understand that marriage has legal, religious and practical responsibilities, and I’m not denying those. I’m just questioning the emotional side of it.

A marriage certificate can’t force someone to love you, stay faithful or treat you well. If someone truly wants to leave, they can eventually find a way to leave with or without a piece of paper.

Honestly, I’d want someone with the mindset of Ronaldo someone who can build a family and have children with the person he loves, and still eventually choose to marry her because he genuinely wants to, rather than because society pressured him into it.

Maybe I’m looking at it too simplistically, but after what I’ve experienced, I find myself valuing the person and the relationship much more than the institution itself.
For those who have been through marriage, divorce or long-term relationships. what does marriage actually give you that genuine commitment and trust between two people cannot?

I’m a young Muslim woman and I’m genuinely struggling with this question.

After a really bad marriage, I’ve become scared of getting married again. What scares me most is that you can meet a man who appears completely normal, kind, religious, respectful and decent, and only after marriage you discover a completely different person.

Some people are extremely good at hiding their real personality until they feel they have you. What if the next person turns out to be controlling, manipulative, abusive or genuinely unstable? How are you supposed to know before marrying them?

I understand that nobody can guarantee what another person will be like. But I also feel like marriage is such a huge decision that you should be able to genuinely understand someone’s character, temperament, values and behaviour before committing your entire life to them.
And this is where I feel conflicted Islamically.

I don’t want hookups or casual relationships. I want something serious, emotionally genuine and committed. But after experiencing a terrible marriage, I sometimes wonder why the answer is simply “get married again and hope the next man is different.”

What is the Islamic way of dealing with this?
Am I supposed to keep getting married and divorced until I eventually find a decent man? As a young divorced woman, how am I supposed to protect myself while still keeping things halal?

Is there an Islamic framework for actually getting to know someone properly before marriage beyond a few supervised meetings and asking their family about them?
I genuinely want to understand this rather than argue against marriage.

I still believe marriage can be beautiful. I just don’t understand how you’re supposed to make such a life-changing decision when someone can successfully hide who they really are until you’re already married.
I’d especially appreciate perspectives from divorced Muslim women who have had to navigate this.

I’m a young Muslim woman and I’m genuinely struggling with this question.

After a really bad marriage, I’ve become scared of getting married again. What scares me most is that you can meet a man who appears completely normal, kind, religious, respectful and decent, and only after marriage you discover a completely different person.

Some people are extremely good at hiding their real personality until they feel they have you. What if the next person turns out to be controlling, manipulative, abusive or genuinely unstable? How are you supposed to know before marrying them?

I understand that nobody can guarantee what another person will be like. But I also feel like marriage is such a huge decision that you should be able to genuinely understand someone’s character, temperament, values and behaviour before committing your entire life to them.
And this is where I feel conflicted Islamically.

I don’t want hookups or casual relationships. I want something serious, emotionally genuine and committed. But after experiencing a terrible marriage, I sometimes wonder why the answer is simply “get married again and hope the next man is different.”

What is the Islamic way of dealing with this?
Am I supposed to keep getting married and divorced until I eventually find a decent man? As a young divorced woman, how am I supposed to protect myself while still keeping things halal?

Is there an Islamic framework for actually getting to know someone properly before marriage beyond a few supervised meetings and asking their family about them?
I genuinely want to understand this rather than argue against marriage.

I still believe marriage can be beautiful. I just don’t understand how you’re supposed to make such a life-changing decision when someone can successfully hide who they really are until you’re already married.
I’d especially appreciate perspectives from divorced Muslim women who have had to navigate this.

I genuinely want to meet someone, but I really don’t want to use apps, Instagram, or anything that feels forced.

I’ve always been pretty serious about relationships. I’m not interested in h**kups or casual situations. I want to actually meet someone naturally, talk, get to know each other, and see where it goes. Basically, I want the whole thing to feel raw and organic, not like I’m shopping through profiles.
The problem is that I don’t currently work, so I don’t have a workplace where I’d naturally meet people. I do go to the gym, but honestly, the guys there aren’t really my type 😂. And although men do approach me sometimes, I usually don’t find them attractive or when I do find someone attractive, their personality/mindset isn’t something I’d want to pursue.

So where do people in Mumbai actually meet decent, relationship-minded people organically?

I’m thinking places where you’re likely to repeatedly see the same people, so there’s an opportunity to naturally become acquainted rather than randomly approaching strangers.

I’d especially love suggestions from people who have actually met their partner this way. Where did you meet? What were you doing there? How did it naturally progress from strangers to talking?

I don’t want “just download Bumble” 😭. I genuinely want to know if organic dating is still possible in Mumbai and where I should actually put myself out there.

I genuinely enjoy my own company. I have my own life, interests, routines and responsibilities, and I don’t feel like I *need* a man to complete me. I know I’m capable of finding a decent man and building a normal marriage if I really wanted to. I can manage a home, cook, take care of housewife responsibilities, and I’m intellectually capable of having a partnership.

But after what I’ve experienced, I don’t want the drama, constant expectations, control, or feeling like my entire life has to revolve around a husband anymore.

At the same time, I do occasionally find myself wanting the feeling of being “under a man” not necessarily in an unhealthy or abusive way, but having someone who has a certain authority/leadership role in my life and whom I can rely on. I’m struggling to explain it properly.

This is why I’ve wondered whether being a **second wife** could actually suit my personality.
I wouldn’t necessarily want a husband who is constantly around me. I could imagine being happy living independently, having my own routine and social life, and having him visit occasionally. I would want companionship, affection, intimacy and a sense of being married, while still maintaining a lot of independence.
In some ways, the idea sounds much more peaceful to me than a conventional marriage where two people are constantly together and involved in every aspect of each other’s lives.

But I also wonder whether I’m romanticising the idea.
For women who are second wives, or women who have consciously chosen unconventional marriage arrangements

Does this actually provide more freedom, or does it come with a completely different set of complications?
And for divorced women who enjoy being independent ..did you eventually find a way to have companionship without giving up the peace you built for yourself?

I genuinely enjoy my own company. I have my own life, interests, routines and responsibilities, and I don’t feel like I need a man to complete me. I know I’m capable of finding a decent man and building a normal marriage if I really wanted to. I can manage a home, cook, take care of housewife responsibilities, and I’m intellectually capable of having a partnership.

But after what I’ve experienced, I don’t want the drama, constant expectations, control, or feeling like my entire life has to revolve around a husband anymore.

At the same time, I do occasionally find myself wanting the feeling of being “under a man” not necessarily in an unhealthy or abusive way, but having someone who has a certain authority/leadership role in my life and whom I can rely on. I’m struggling to explain it properly.

This is why I’ve wondered whether being a second wife could actually suit my personality.
I wouldn’t necessarily want a husband who is constantly around me. I could imagine being happy living independently, having my own routine and social life, and having him visit occasionally. I would want companionship, affection, intimacy and a sense of being married, while still maintaining a lot of independence.
In some ways, the idea sounds much more peaceful to me than a conventional marriage where two people are constantly together and involved in every aspect of each other’s lives.

But I also wonder whether I’m romanticising the idea.
For women who are second wives, or women who have consciously chosen unconventional marriage arrangements

Does this actually provide more freedom, or does it come with a completely different set of complications?
And for divorced women who enjoy being independent ..did you eventually find a way to have companionship without giving up the peace you built for yourself?

I’m trying to understand something about myself because it’s exhausting.

Most of the time, I’m not a jealous or mean person. I genuinely enjoy uplifting people, complimenting them, helping them, and I rarely go out of my way to hurt anyone. I usually express my feelings openly instead of bottling them up.

But if someone humiliates me, mocks me, or attacks my character, something flips inside me.
For example, today someone sarcastically said, \*“Haha, look who’s giving relationship advice.”\* Ever since then, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. I can’t relax or sleep because my mind keeps replaying the moment. A huge part of me wants to say something back that hurts them just as much or more. I don’t feel at peace until I imagine they’ve felt the same pain they caused me.

This has happened before. Someone once spread rumors about my character, and although I didn’t use abusive language, I became consumed with proving them wrong and making sure they regretted what they did.
The strange part is that I don’t enjoy hurting innocent people. It’s specifically when I feel humiliated or disrespected that I become fixated on revenge. It’s like my brain won’t let the incident go until I “balance the scales.”
Has anyone else experienced this? Is this related to rejection sensitivity, trauma, emotional dysregulation, or something else?

I’m not looking for validation to get revenge. I’m trying to understand why my reaction feels so extreme and how people learn to let things go without feeling like they have to “win.”

I’m trying to understand something about myself because it’s exhausting.

Most of the time, I’m not a jealous or mean person. I genuinely enjoy uplifting people, complimenting them, helping them, and I rarely go out of my way to hurt anyone. I usually express my feelings openly instead of bottling them up.

But if someone humiliates me, mocks me, or attacks my character, something flips inside me.
For example, today someone sarcastically said, \*“Haha, look who’s giving relationship advice.”\* Ever since then, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. I can’t relax or sleep because my mind keeps replaying the moment. A huge part of me wants to say something back that hurts them just as much or more. I don’t feel at peace until I imagine they’ve felt the same pain they caused me.

This has happened before. Someone once spread rumors about my character, and although I didn’t use abusive language, I became consumed with proving them wrong and making sure they regretted what they did.
The strange part is that I don’t enjoy hurting innocent people. It’s specifically when I feel humiliated or disrespected that I become fixated on revenge. It’s like my brain won’t let the incident go until I “balance the scales.”
Has anyone else experienced this? Is this related to rejection sensitivity, trauma, emotional dysregulation, or something else?

I’m not looking for validation to get revenge. I’m trying to understand why my reaction feels so extreme and how people learn to let things go without feeling like they have to “win.”

I’m trying to understand something about myself because it’s exhausting.

Most of the time, I’m not a jealous or mean person. I genuinely enjoy uplifting people, complimenting them, helping them, and I rarely go out of my way to hurt anyone. I usually express my feelings openly instead of bottling them up.

But if someone humiliates me, mocks me, or attacks my character, something flips inside me.
For example, today someone sarcastically said, *“Haha, look who’s giving relationship advice.”* Ever since then, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. I can’t relax or sleep because my mind keeps replaying the moment. A huge part of me wants to say something back that hurts them just as much or more. I don’t feel at peace until I imagine they’ve felt the same pain they caused me.

This has happened before. Someone once spread rumors about my character, and although I didn’t use abusive language, I became consumed with proving them wrong and making sure they regretted what they did.
The strange part is that I don’t enjoy hurting innocent people. It’s specifically when I feel humiliated or disrespected that I become fixated on revenge. It’s like my brain won’t let the incident go until I “balance the scales.”
Has anyone else experienced this? Is this related to rejection sensitivity, trauma, emotional dysregulation, or something else?

I’m not looking for validation to get revenge. I’m trying to understand why my reaction feels so extreme and how people learn to let things go without feeling like they have to “win.”

I’ve noticed that people often judge a certain type of woman without actually knowing her.

Imagine a woman who:

Goes to the gym and posts her fitness progress on social media.
Doesn’t wear a hijab but still believes in her faith and tries to practice it.
Wears Western clothes (nothing extremely revealing).
Loves makeup, skincare, shopping, dancing, and singing.
Eats a high-protein diet because she’s into fitness.
Knows how to cook and enjoys taking care of her home.
Doesn’t have male friends and casual dating.
Wants a peaceful marriage and family someday.

Do most men automatically assume she’s not “wife material” just because of her appearance, social media, or lifestyle? Or do they look beyond those things and judge her based on her character and values?

Edit: Reading some of these comments made me realize that for some people, the definition of a “good wife” seems to be a woman who slowly erases herself. A woman with dreams is called distracted. A woman who takes care of her body is called attention-seeking. A woman with hobbies is seen as unserious. A woman with a voice is labeled difficult. It almost feels as if individuality itself is treated like a flaw. Since when did wanting to be healthy, confident, expressive, or ambitious become incompatible with being loyal, loving, and committed?

A marriage should be the union of two complete human beings, not one person with a full identity and another expected to shrink herself until she’s nothing more than a quiet source of service and sacrifice. Love should never require someone to disappear in order to be considered worthy of it.

What research consistently finds is that children tend to do better when they grow up with:
emotionally warm and responsive parents,
stable and low-conflict family relationships,
consistent caregiving and boundaries,
financial and emotional support,
and parents who cooperate and respect each other.

A woman can absolutely enjoy fitness, social media, makeup, or a career and still raise happy, healthy children if those core ingredients are present. Likewise, a woman who dresses very conservatively or stays at home is not automatically guaranteed to have a successful marriage or family life. Those lifestyle choices, by themselves, don’t determine parenting quality or marital success.
In other words, a person’s character, values, and how they treat their family matter far more than whether they post gym photos or wear makeup.

Edit2: A lot of people have brought up my divorces, so here’s the context. My first marriage was an arranged marriage when I was a teenager to a much older man. In another marriage, I endured severe physical abuse and lived in fear. There were times I was mentally so broken that I struggled with my faith, but Alhamdulillah I’ve found my way back and continue striving to be a better Muslim. I don’t see my divorces as failures

I carry pride for surviving it. Alhamdulillah, I still have people who would happily marry me, so this has never been about whether I have “options.” It’s about trust. After everything I’ve been through, I’ve started questioning whether people genuinely accept me for who I am or whether they’re simply hoping I’ll change into someone else after marriage.

I see them as surviving situations that could have destroyed me. What these comments have shown me isn’t that I’m unworthy of marriage, but that my trust in people has been deeply shaken. I now find myself wondering whether some men genuinely want to know a woman for her character, or whether they’re simply looking for someone who fits an idealized image and expect her to change. I still believe there are good men, but after everything I’ve lived through, trusting that someone truly accepts me for who I am is the hardest part.

Like whole day i feel normal spend my day casually but at night it changes. While i try to sleep my past bad moments start playing in my head, suddenly a bad incident that happened starts playing even if i try to stop.

My ex husband physical and emotionally abused me. I left the situation but it haunts me. Alhumdulilah i am doing very well in life i am happy fit satisfied healthy but only thing that is effected is my sleep.

I literally started vaping to get rid of these thoughts but eventually i have to stop i realised its not good for me and my future.

But man I’ve talked to few people they say it happens with them too. But the problem is i don’t want to spend even a single min regretting or worrying.

Nights are difficult

When I was in school, I bunked one day with a male friend and my younger sister to watch a movie. We got caught. Instead of lying, I told my parents the truth.
That one incident changed my life.

For more than a year, I was practically locked inside the house. I wasn’t allowed to meet friends, speak to relatives, or even visit my grandmother. It felt like my entire world disappeared overnight. I remember barely eating for months because I was so emotionally broken.

Something changed in me after that. I stopped believing that honesty kept me safe. I started lying not because I wanted to deceive people, but because it felt like the only way to protect myself.

Later, I was forced into an arranged marriage with someone much older than me. After that ended, I chose someone for myself, hoping life would finally be different. Instead, that relationship became physically abusive. I was choked until I couldn’t breathe, I was injured repeatedly, and many nights I cried during my prayers asking Allah to help me.
Sometimes I wonder how much of my personality is actually me, and how much is just years of surviving.

Despite everything, I’ve made one promise to myself: I will never again stay where cruelty is mistaken for love.
Has anyone else felt like trauma completely rewired the way they think, trust, or live? Were you ever able to feel like yourself again?