r/MuslimMarriage

Hello I’m 30F and I’ve been married to my husband 36M for 4 years. We were a love marriage and he is a wonderful man. When we got married, I was not very religious - I do wear hijab, but I would pray only occasionally, fast for maybe 50% of ramadan, go to masjid on Eid and maybe a couple other occasions. My husband was not very religious in terms of praying or attending masjid either. Over the last few years, I have become a little bit more close to my faith in terms of praying etc. My husband has not. It had never bothered me before, but now I sometimes wonder if I would like it better if he prayed more, etc. On top of that, my parents have been hesitant about him since Day 1 because they feel like I should have chosen someone “with stronger deen”, and I feel like their constant skepticism is getting in my head and making me have doubts I never had before.

The thing is - he is a phenomenal husband. He is kind, patient, loving and trustworthy. He makes me a better person every day by reminding me of patience and kindness. He is very charitable and volunteers his time to the poor (he is a doctor and frequently works for free in low income clinics). I love him so much and he is the best person I have ever met. He will pray with me and go to masjid if I ask, but he rarely does on his own accord. He is very interested in Islamic history and traditions and does study those. He is close with my siblings and always very respectful to my parents even though they are harsh to him sometimes. Aside from the religious closeness that has only recently become an issue, he is everything I have ever asked for.

I feel guilty because maybe I should not be bothered by his religiousness since I chose to marry him. Plus, he is so amazing in every other way and I am still not a very strict Muslim so who am I to be judging him? Idk. Any advice would be appreciated.

I am a 33 years old male in the healthcare field for the past 5 years. AlhamduLeAllah when I was single I worked hard on myself to create a comfortable life and through successful investments I was able to achieve a lot of my financial goals earlier than I thought. One of my goals was to be financially comfortable being married so I can provide a comfortable life for my wife and kids in the future inshallah - AlhamduLeAllah I was able to achieve that.

After reaching that goal 2 years ago, I decided to get married to a woman I met at an Islamic event who is Algerian. She comes from humble background and I was attracted to her values, how she carried herself with respect and her beauty as well - at least that’s how she marketed herself to me. She had part time jobs and she made minimal income - I don’t care about that but it’s important for the context of the story.

One of my requirements was a prenup, which would have applied to any woman I wanted to marry, it’s not about her at all - she agreed and signed the prenup under the condition that it provides her protection incase of a divorce and I did that.

Since we got married, my wife decided to be a stay at home wife by her own choice. I told her I am able to provide $2000 a month in allowance, in addition to me being the main/only provider (that included mortgage, car, insurance, groceries, gas, clothing and every necessity of life).

That’s where the red flags start. I will only mention a few of many many red flags for you to get an idea and tell me your advice/thoughts. Here we go:

She starts to tell me how $2000 a month is not enough and they are “okay” but she will be “patient” which insinuates I am not successful enough in her eyes - which I find so demeaning and constantly weighed my mental health down. Keep in mind I don’t make any demands at all while she is at home, I never ask her to cook, clean, do laundry or anything - me intention is to make her life a very peaceful and comfortable life which I think she has been taken for granted given how easy I made things.
If there is a month I don’t pay her the allowance due to reasons beyond my ability or just send part of it depending on my expenses for the month, she starts to withhold emotions and act cold with me.
She has what I think is an unusual obsession with material things and money because they are brought up in literally every single conversation. I understand that people can like nice things which is normal, but I find her to have an unusual obsession with those things which are evident by her addiction to watching social media posts about influencers who promote this type of lifestyle, she herself doesn’t post anything and doesn’t have followers/following but she consumes this content a lot.
She has multiple times tried to use intimacy/sex to leverage a material gain such as a bag or an expensive item. I found that to be highly disturbing given that it happened 4 times, I told her about it and she said that she was joking and I always take things out of context.
She constantly makes comments that reflect her view on men and relationships and that without money men can’t have love or intimacy with a woman because what does a woman get in return (whaaaat) lol.
Every holiday, birthday, and anniversary she expects lavish gifts. I am talking $10,000+ bags and things like that. I was able to do that a couple of times (unfortunately) but I find it takes away the barakah and given that I am super money conscious I find it haram and unnecessary to spend that much money just to make someone happy. Especially that she knows how I work day and night to provide this life and how stressed I feel constantly. Now I have an anxious association with any holiday because I know I have to prepare big bucks to make her happy, I would rather invest this money.

Lastly, MY TRIGGER FOR THE DIVORCE: her birthday was 2 months ago in April. She has been nagging me for so long that she wants this specific bag that’s $12,000. Last minute she also decided to visit her Algerian parents who live in France for 6 weeks and expects me to magically fund that. I gave her a total of $16,000 for both her birthday and trip - thinking that would make her insanely happy and get off my shoulders. To be honest, that really financially overwhelmed me but I was excited to feel the peace after she leaves. Lo and behold, 15 days later she asks me for her $2000 allowance…… I told her that I am overwhelmed lately juggling many responsibilities and I won’t able able to send her monthly allowance this month, especially that my mom is sick and I have been taking care of her financially as well plus the fact that I gave my wife more than enough money for both her birthday and trip. She showed complete disregard to my mental wellbeing or even my mother’s sickness and just said a chore statement like “ok I hope you and your mom get better” and started to completely withhold emotions and act cold with me. When I talked to her about all the insane comments she makes, she deflects and denies every single one of them or just says “she is joking”.

Thats when I went off and asked for divorce. To clear my consciousness in front of Allah, I consulted with an imam, a relationship coach, 3 therapists (1 male Muslim, 1 female Muslim, and 1 female non-Muslim) all of which consistently told me that I am with a scammer and I need to leave as soon as possible.

I always dreamed of being the best husband ever to my wife and future kids. I never thought in a million years that I would be a divorced man, not that there is anything is wrong with that but I tried so hard to make this work and I can’t continue to deny the financial abuse over the past couple of years - this will be financially destructive to me if I continue, especially given that my financial progress in life slowed down significantly since I got married.

I would love to hear your advice and your opinion. Do you agree this is financial abuse and that it’s fair for me to seek divorce or am I overthinking because I am in an emotional state? Am I a bad husband or is what I am doing not enough? You can see how the constant lack of gratefulness from her side is impacting myself image and mental health.

Hi, as the title says, I'm married to a woman, 27F, who has a lot of anger issues. I myself am a calm person and won't get angry normally without a reason. But when provoked, I can hardly keep myself calm. Whenever we have a fight, she says so many things that pierce straight through my heart, and when I lose my calm, she holds onto it and blames me in front of our families, saying that I said so and so. Last time we had an argument, she threatened to call the cops on me. She doesn't see her mistakes. She has a couple of friends who used to meddle with her and give her all sorts of rubbish advice. I asked her to cut them off from her life. She has argued with me so many times about that and still talks to them when I'm not at home. She also does not hesitate to call my mom and argue with her. I talked to her mom about this, and she started lecturing me to be kind to her. Every effort I make goes down the drain at that moment. We have two kids, and a third is on the way, and I'm having a hard time with this lady. I don't see any future with her, and I'm barely able to look at her with love and generosity. I'm as distant from her as I could be. Even when things look normal between us, there's a feeling of disgust and enmity within me. I can't brush off this grudge. Every little thing she said still resonates inside my head. I want to divorce her if this goes on and move on with my life. I need peace and don't think she can provide it. What do I do here? How do I prepare for a potential divorce? We are currently in the USA, originally from India.

Asalamu3lakom,

We have been married 17 years and have children. The last several years have been terrible. Many issues too many to talk about now. I have gone back to my parents home multiple times but ended up going back to him because I was scared of the word divorce. To break apart our family and children raised in different homes. My husband has a terrible temper. The smallest thing sets him off and he will destroy anything Around him me and the children are his main targets. After her calms down he will come back and act like nothing happened. Or that his behavior was because of me and it’s my fault. He’ll buy gifts and act nice until the next explosion.

On to our current situation, I am at my parents house again after an argument got out of hand. He had been saying he wants a divorce and that he’s absolutely done with me this time. Per our local sheikh he said this is officially an Islamic divorce and should be dealt like it and I was in the eddah period. Now that my husband sees what his behavior has caused he now says he wants to reconcile. Before he didn’t even want to wait the three months. He wanted to divorce right away. He has verbally attacked everyone on my side slandered me and them as well. He makes up accusations about me and treats me poorly. But then will try to act remorseful and beg for forgiveness. Promised he would change.

But this time I won’t go back. I told him I’m done. Some family say give him one more chance. Others say leave. But every time I leave and go back I say this is the last chance. I don’t want to divorce but I know he will not change. I know the best thing for me and the children is to leave. I hope he will fix himself to be a better father. But I am struggling internally. The pain is too much. I have make Salah istikara before and it was a clear sign to leave. I make dua in sujood if this marriage is good for me make it easy, if not facilitate the end. And Allah swt is making it clear. Why do I want to stay when I know I should leave.

Salam alaikum,

I hope you're all doing well.

For context, I've always been a family diplomat from a very young age. It shouldn't have been this way, but that role fell on me subhanallah.

Anyhow, my parents recently got into another dispute, and both of them presented their cases to me. I am not going to take anyone's side - I just stayed silent. What was interesting is how compelling both my parents made their cases.

Just this morning, I was taking my mum to the train station. She presented her case and made my dad out to be the worst type of human being to have walked the earth. But I've seen this pattern - they'll reconcile and lovingly go back to each other.

My point is to be careful of these posts here. I guarantee 99% of the time a spouse is posting here when they're running high on emotions and they WILL manipulate the facts.

Everyone does it. It is only human. Even the sahaba used to do it. But the reality is - it takes two hands to clap. I acknowledge there is legitimate abuse that occurs, and those cases should not be ignored. But I plead to all of you - if you are posting, be careful. If you are commenting, be careful.

Wallahi I can come on here, make a fake sob story and I can guarantee you 99% of the time the comments here will tell me to divorce my spouse.

Little do they know that I'll reconcile and go back. Fear Allah and be careful. Do not give advice and do not seek advice online. You do not have the full picture nor are you necessarily capable of giving the full picture.

May Allah bless us, guide us and keep us firm on this deen.

Assalamu Alaikum everyone,

I am looking for sincere advice because I am genuinely confused and I don't want to wrong anyone.

I am 29M, and Alhamdulillah I am in the Nikah process with a practicing sister. Until recently, I was very excited about marrying her because we share similar Islamic values and both want a simple marriage. However, over the past few weeks we've had several conflicts, and I am struggling to know whether these are normal pre-marital growing pains or signs that we shouldn't continue.

One important thing about me is that I tend to see everyone's perspective. If my fiancée says something, I usually understand why she feels that way. Then I hear my parents' perspective, and I understand that too. Because of this, I sometimes struggle to take a firm position immediately. It's something I've realised about myself and I am actively trying to improve.

One major issue has been the Nikah timing.

My fiancée has always wanted the Nikah to be in the afternoon. From what I understand, it's something she has imagined for a long time, and I know many sisters have dreams about how they want their Nikah day to be.

On the other hand, my family prefers doing it in the evening because our family and some guests has to travel several hours to her city. His reasoning is that if we do the Nikah in the afternoon, everyone has to travel a day earlier, book another night's stay and take another day off work. From his perspective, it's simply much more practical to arrive on the Nikah day, have the Nikah in the evening and return the next day.

I genuinely understand both perspectives.

The problem is that my fiancée feels that her wishes aren't being respected and that I don't stand firmly behind my decisions. She has told me before that she's afraid I won't be able to stand by her after marriage if my parents disagree.

At the same time, my parents are now becoming worried about the proposal because they feel she is becoming too rigid over this afternoon vs evening issue. They aren't upset that she has a preference but they're worried that she isn't considering other people's circumstances.

At the same time, I don't want to paint her unfairly. I know she genuinely wants a good marriage. Likewise, my parents are not trying to make things difficult, they genuinely believe they're making practical decisions.

So I don't think anyone has bad intentions.

My questions are:

1. Does this sound like a normal conflict before marriage that can be worked through, or does it indicate deeper incompatibility?

2. From an outsider's perspective, does this sound like healthy firmness from my fiancée, or unhealthy stubbornness?

3. Am I actually failing as a future husband by not taking a firmer position, or am I simply trying to balance everyone's rights?

4. If you were in my position, what would you do before proceeding with the Nikah?

Please be honest. If you think I am the one in the wrong, I would genuinely like to hear it. I am not looking for validation, I just want to do what's most pleasing to Allah and avoid entering a marriage with unresolved issues.

Jazakum Allahu Khairan

PS: Used AI for better sentence framing

I’d really like to hear other people’s perspectives on this situation.
My husband’s brother is getting married, and my in-laws invited his fiancée’s family over to their house for coffee and cake.
I had already told them well in advance that I wouldn’t be able to come because I had plans with a friend. I’m pregnant, we have a young son, and I rarely get time for myself or to see my friends. My husband often has his own plans, so when I finally make plans with a friend, they mean a lot to me.
We had already spent time with my in-laws two times that same week, so I didn’t see this gathering as something where my presence was essential. No one told me beforehand that it was especially important for me to be there.
Afterwards, I was told that it was disrespectful of me to prioritize my plans over meeting my brother-in-law’s future in-laws. I was honestly surprised because I never saw it as choosing my friend over my husband’s family. I simply kept a commitment I had already made.
My husband’s family is Arab, and I know that family gatherings and togetherness can carry a lot of cultural importance. So I’m genuinely wondering if there are cultural expectations I’m missing.
Personally, I think it’s unfortunate that this has turned into such a big issue. I feel that I generally make an effort to spend time with and show respect to my in-laws, especially since we’d already seen each other several times that week.
What do you think? Would you have cancelled an existing commitment to attend? Am I missing something, or does the reaction seem disproportionate?

I have come into a new problem in my marriage . My wife has been saying that she doesn't think hijab is mandatory and that since it is being weaponized by some people , it has no meaning any more and is not to be followed now . That it was only relevant back then and not now . That it is not mandatory to be followed. I do not think so and told her what I thought about it and that it is mandatory even now . That people's discrimination doesn't remove the obligation. I even gave evidence about it .

Now she is saying that I should not talk to my future daughters about hijab until they are 20 . That if they came and asked me about it before that I should keep quiet and not say anything about it . I cannot mention it or teach them about it

I do not know what to do . I don't know whether to say that I won't do it or say that I can't do that and must teach them about it . Please help me

This is my throw-away account. I’m only looking for advice from MARRIED people and I do not want any unnecessary evil comments about my spouse. Also, divorce is off the table.

So I married my husband who belongs to a different ethnicity. I am from a Central Asian background and he is South Asian, but both are living in the West. Before we decided to get married, I made sure I went through a checklist to not marry someone incompatible, including good akhlaq, same religious level and hygiene. I could tell from him attending the mosque and also how he spoke to me and others, that he was practicing and had good akhlaq. He also mentioned that he is hygienic - but what I didn’t know is that in different people there can be different level of hygiene.

When we first started living together, I noticed he only brushed his teeth once a day - and that was only in the morning (and sometimes he would even forget that). I noticed his gums were bleeding. I started pulling away from his kisses because I could smell his bad breath and I would express my displeasure with the lack of brushing his teeth both at night and morning. In the beginning, I would tell him very softly that it’s important to brush your teeth and that hygiene is important to me - to which he got offended! He mentioned that in his culture, this is hygienic and was asking me if I called him and his background unhygienic (ofc I said no) Then I took a different approach and told him dentists recommend brushing twice a day and from another medical perspective, gum disease can lead to heart diseases - but he would not respond to that and when I said it too often, he would get annoyed. So I became angrier (yes, I know its bad), and i reminded him that i specifically asked him before getting married that hygiene was important to me and it was a non-negotiable but he seemed to have not been completely honest with me. I told him i wouldn’t have considered him had i known he was this unhygienic (he also would let dishes unwashed for several days, had not washed bedsheets before etc.). To that he reacted and started slowly to take brushing more seriously.

Another hygienic issue he has, which I believe is not his fault - is that his sweat smells a lot - to such an extend that I could not be near him. Mind you, he did shower daily and put deodorant on but only during day time. Being a pharmacist, I knew that antiperspirants need some hours on completely dry skin before it works well. So I used to be after him putting on deo roll at night before bedtime, because when he did it during the day, it didn’t work and the whole room would smell of his sweat in no time.

Now there’s a different aspect of hygiene, where he is lazy as well. He does not like washing the dishes and he can go days without washing the dishes if it were up to him (yes this has happened when he lived alone - and I first found out after we married). This weekend I went to my parents and slept there. I came back to our place and found that dishes from yesterday were still there in the sink and on the kitchen counter because it couldn’t all fit in the sink. It obviously smelled. I understand sometimes you leave one dish overnight in the sink and that’s okay - but we are talking about plates, glasses, pots and pans, everything. Mind you, we have a dishwasher and he could’ve left at least half of the things in there and just turned it on. So when I saw it, I was shocked and disappointed and started saying “this is unacceptable”, “why have you left these overnight”, “you haven’t touched a single thing in here” - and I repeated it several times, and one time extra after he told me not to repeat it again because he would clean it all up. Then he became angry and called me controlling and now he’s not talking to me.

Putting all the things together of what I’ve told him to do and not to do - I AM controlling - but believe me, I don’t want to be controlling. I never wanted or want to mother him. Now, it is upsetting both him and me. He’s not talking to me because he finds me controlling and when I apologized, he said I would just do it again, and so I remained quiet because it’s most probably true. I don’t know what to do? I’m afraid we will keep going in circles and start resenting each other over time. We are 2 years in our marriage. Can some married people here give me some advice on how to approach this? Advice on communication would be appreciated.

Extra info: he does help with household chores such as cooking, buying groceries and taking out the trash etc. He works and is good at his job. He also has a very good akhlaq, very patient and rarely shows his anger.

EDIT: thank you to the man (who unfortunately deleted his comment) who wrote how to communicate it gently without criticising - and showing appreciation when things are done well. This was gold advice that I had not realised. May Allah bless your marriage.

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.

A sincere reminder to my brothers and sisters:
Please be very careful about asking strangers on Reddit for marriage advice.

Before you take someone’s advice, ask yourself:

Who am I asking?
Who is this person?
Are they even Muslim?
Do they follow the Qur’an and the Sunnah?
Do they sincerely want what’s best for my marriage?
Will they answer before Allah for the advice they’re giving me?

Too often we see people encouraging divorce over issues that could have been worked through. We also see people dismissing genuine problems or encouraging unhealthy behavior. Neither extreme is helpful.

Instead of relying on anonymous opinions, turn back to Allah.

Make your adhkar every morning and evening.
Recite the Qur’an often.

Read Surah Al-Baqarah regularly.

Increase your du’a.

Put your trust (tawakkul) in Allah.

Allah is the One who changes hearts.

We already know the roles and responsibilities of husbands and wives in Islam. If both spouses sincerely strive to fulfill their duties for the sake of Allah not for their own ego, but seeking His pleasure many problems become easier to overcome.

Even a marriage that seems impossible to save can improve by the permission of Allah.
And if serious issues remain, seek help from
righteous people:

A trustworthy scholar.
A sincere student of knowledge.
An Islamic marriage counselor who gives advice based upon the Qur’an, the authentic Sunnah, and the understanding of the righteous predecessors (Salaf).

Never forget:
The worst husband can become the best husband.
The worst wife can become the best wife.
And sadly, the opposite is also true.
Hearts are in the Hands of Allah.
So never underestimate the power of sincere du’a.
People once thought human flight was impossible. By Allah’s permission, today people fly across the world in airplanes. So never think your situation is beyond Allah’s ability to change.

Trust Allah.
Love your husband.
Love your wife.
Respect each other.
A husband should strive to be just, gentle, and merciful.
A wife should be honored, appreciated, and cherished.
Treat each other with kindness.
Buy her flowers.
Surprise her with a thoughtful gift.
Cook him his favorite meal.
Speak gently.
Forgive often.
Show gratitude.
Obey him.

Marriage is not husband versus wife.
It is husband and wife together, striving to please Allah.

May Allah put love, mercy, patience, and barakah in all of our marriages. May He guide our hearts, forgive our shortcomings, and make our homes places of tranquility.

Follow Islam, not Reddit.
Wa alaykum as-salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.

m29 married for around a year and change

I had a pretty chill up bringing in the west. My parents are great and didn’t give me many issues when getting married.

It seems like post marriage my Mom has become 10x more unstable. I always have to walk on eggshells now. She’s constantly victimizing herself acting like she’s alone. No matter how much time I spend with her, she complains to my sisters that my wife and I don’t spend enough time with her.

Everything is a competition. If my sisters or wife makes something, my mom makes it the next day. If my sisters or wife buy something for their house or my house, my mom bothers my dad for it the next day.

I never believed my Mom would turn into a kind of stereo typical in law but here we are. Struggling to navigate as I have my own issues with my wife that are now compounded by this. It’s truly a test.

My

My husband had severe addictions to corn & ☘️ through our 5.5 year marriage. We envisioned moving to Saudi for the past four years to see if the change in environment would help. He cheated on me last year and couldn’t face me so completely stopped talking to me. We almost had no relationship and only communicated if we needed something. He finds it very hard to be emotionally available and communicate. He finally got a job recently and we agreed to go through a two month separation period to see how we feel without one another and whether there was room for companionship and reconciliation. We had just spoken about getting back together whilst he was in Saudi, then had a huge argument over one of his female ex colleagues whom he accused me of prank calling. I got angry as he didn’t even ask and automatically assumed it was me and I ended up bringing up the past in the argument, such as the fact that he always puts others before me and that he should go to the other woman instead. He ended the marriage over it and I have been sending him numerous messages since, but he won’t communicate with me. I have gone one day without messaging him but it feels like forever. He hasn’t opened my message from Friday and I worry he will forget me if I don’t message him. I just don’t know what to do, especially as he is in another country now 😢

Prior to this happening, he gave me talaq in a huge argument back in Feb, but the Sharia Council said it was invalid for various reasons, but he still thinks it was valid. He accepted me during my iddah period but then a week later, ended the marriage so I’m in my iddah period again until August. I really want him to think his decision through but don’t know how to get through to him 😓💔

I need some advice and outside perspectives.

I've been married for 10 years and we have four children together. Our youngest is just 1 month old, so I'm currently postpartum.

My husband has always been verbally abusive, but over the years it's become harder and harder to tolerate. He regularly swears at me, but what concerns me most is that he also swears at and around our children. Whenever I bring it up, he either makes excuses, downplays it, or refuses to take any responsibility for his behaviour.

I'm at a point where I feel completely worn down. I've even found myself swearing back at him, which isn't how I want to handle things, but I feel like I've reached the end of my patience.

More than anything, I don't want my children growing up thinking this is normal or acceptable. I want them to feel safe, respected, and loved in their own home.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? What did you do, and how did things turn out?

I’m looking for honest advice from people who have been in similar situations, especially those familiar with Muslim or long-distance relationships.

About 4 months ago, I was introduced to a potential spouse through mutual friends. I asked a friend, whose wife knows people back home, to share my photo with someone she thought might be compatible. She saw my picture, was interested, and we started talking.

From day one, I made it clear that my intention was marriage as soon as we both felt comfortable. I wasn’t looking to date casually or waste anyone’s time.
Fast forward four months, and we’ve become very compatible. We talk throughout the day, have FaceTimed multiple times, and genuinely enjoy each other’s company. Our values, goals, personalities, and communication styles seem to match really well. Both of our mothers know about us, and the current plan is for my family to travel in December so I can meet her father and, if everything goes well, get engaged.

Here’s what’s making me nervous:

Although we’ve spent hundreds of hours talking online and have seen each other over video, we’ve never actually met in person. Because of cultural and religious expectations, it would be difficult for me to travel there just to spend time with her privately before involving her family.

The plan is that once I arrive, I’ll meet her father first, then we’ll meet a few times in the presence of her wali/chaperone before making the final decision about the engagement.

Part of me feels confident because of how well we’ve gotten to know each other. Another part of me worries that in-person chemistry can be different from online chemistry, and I don’t want either of us to feel pressured.

Has anyone gone through something similar? Did meeting in person change how you felt, either positively or negatively? Does this seem like a reasonable approach, or would you recommend trying to arrange an in-person meeting before taking the engagement step?

I’d appreciate honest opinions from both people who think this is a good idea and those who think it’s risky.

Long story short, 11 years married 3 young kids. I worked by myself on our two businesses while my husband travelled back home for two weeks. I have not travelled one single time in 12 months. He's travelled 7 times in that time, with friends, he frequently goes out, spends hours at the gym, lives like a single man to be honest. I work more than him, look after our children (one at school two small ones i'm a full time sahm.. except i work with the kids) and go to the gym and do chores. I'm solely responsible for the house and cooking. That's it, that's my life, no going out or free time etc. I do not receive a salary from him and most of my government money goes for rent. When spending his money I am often reminded to be careful. He buys anything he wants for himself and travels extensively. Objectively, I would say he has a better quality of life but Alhamdulillah I won't lie and say I am suffering either. It's just comparing our lives, he is obviously much better off and I struggle with a lot of debt that I'm trying to pay off but don't have a salary and I'm not allowed by him to work anywhere else.

So this issue started a week ago when he returned from his two week trip. I was stressing getting the business and home as perfect as possible for his return. I messaged him several times that I'm doing my best to be perfect but I'm only human. Turns out in the midst of dealing with two seven figure businesses and three children i forgot to buy a bin for our house. All hell broke loose.

He swore at me calling me btch whre daughter of a whre etc all in front of my children. I tried to explain I was very busy and exhausted and apologised for forgetting. It continued. Every insult under the sun. I even fell sick from the stress of doing everything on my own and was bedbound all day so he cooked for himself and the children while I recovered. He likes to think he was a hero for letting me sleep for a few hours (left later to go to the gym while I couldnt move and had to have my oldest son help me) but conveniently forgets that he walked into our room while I was resting and said "inshallah u d*e".

Since then the insults simply got worse and more traumatising (including how much he hates my guts and will never ever travel with me because my company disgusts him so much), to the point where i said i'm scared of his behaviour and he said he will give me something to be scared about. He told me (and our young children) that he is moving out. He also told me he is cheating on me and i will never compare to the girl he previously had a long affair with.

Since then i fell into a strong depression. He always complains and has something negative to say about me. No thank you no appreciation. What is the point of trying anymore? He sent me pictures of my house saying I am filthy and will never change and will always be this way and I never listen. He leaves out the part where I simply did not have time to complete everything because I was working and making sure I am dressed beautifully (also a previous complaint). So how am I not listening when the only reason I don't do something is because I am busy fulfilling 582 other requests?

Nb: i have also been told to get surgery etc to fix my body/face. He watches ig girls and corn and i believe i'm simply not good enough anymore due to this.

Also do I really not do enough? Do all other wives do this much by themselves?

Main question: how do I phrase all of this to the sheikh tonight so I will be taken seriously? He keeps talking about moving out (usually uses this as a way to avoid responsibility and to scare me) and divorce which is what he always does if things are not going his way.

Don't need advice for leaving only on what I should say tonight as I know I will get emotional and cry and forget half the things

ASA Everyone,

I am getting engaged soon and I need ideas for engagement rings. We are doing an egyptian/arab style engagement and the rings will be purchased in egypt as they’re gold quality is better than the US. My question is what do your engagement rings look like? I want to look through options but most of the search results I get are western style engagement rings that are diamonds, while arab engagement rings are simple bands. Please share pictures and any advice you have regarding the engagement event etc. JAK!!

Salam alaykum,
I need honest opinions on a disagreement I’m having with my fiancé about our wedding.
We’re planning a very simple wedding in 2027 (around 30 guests max) because we also want to buy a house shortly after, so we’re trying to be very careful with money. He strongly prefers a minimal wedding and wants to keep everything as simple as possible. He is also okay with us having a nice honeymoon to a destination I choose.
On my side, I completely understand and respect his vision and the financial priorities. However, I would also really like to have a small henna night just for women (close friends, my mother’s friends, and both of our female relatives). It’s something culturally and emotionally important to me and my mother. It would be very simple: decoration, music (DJ), and a small gathering. I would cover most of the cost myself.
He is against it because he sees it as an unnecessary extra expense and believes everything should be included in one single event.
I feel torn because I don’t want to create financial tension or delay our goals, but I also feel like I might regret not having this moment that means a lot to me.
Do you think this kind of compromise is reasonable in a Muslim marriage, or is his refusal justified?

Today I met my husband after one month during which we had minimum interaction digitally as well because he could not spare time on account of work and I understood. I was away also to visit my family for a few days. When I came back I already got a very cold welcome from my mil thought my husband greeted me warmly. Like overall body language was warm but he gave me a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek. Then at dinner his mother accused me on spoiling my kid and spoiling the environment because I refuse to give my kid a phone to play on during the meal. So I was furious because this is constant, husband being around didn't help and he also blames me for not disciplining the child. Anyway it's a toxic cycle so this time I was like enough. I'm done being the bad guy. I gave my kid the phone and now I've decided not to discipline at all. They can all just deal with the consequences of their actions. The grandparents need to learn their enabler behaviour. Tomorrow I will not say no to TV or phone. And I will let them run however long. After this when the child exhibits aggressive or hyperactive behaviour then they just have to sort it out themselves because they have SO much more experience in this cuz they raised their kids two decades ago.

Anyway we went to visit some relatives where my kid had soft drinks and crisps and chocolates all of which I normally say no to. My husband was pretty annoyed with me for not stopping if. Because if I don't then he has to be the bad guy. And his parents undermined him too. But I was clear, I said I'm done. So what you want.

Other than this we had a fairly okay evening. He made some remarks which were hurtful but honestly I'm used to it. Like making fun of how many aunts I have or claiming loudly how I never massage his head when it hurts (even though I always do) or how I said I'm taking the stairs to the 10th floor but I actually took the elevator by floor 3 (again not true I wanted to get some steps in). He doesn't like the way I look so I'm trying to lose weight but he has no hope for me and it's demotivating. Even on the drive over I was trying to ask about his trip and he thought some of my questions about his work were stupid and I told him this is why I don't ask you, instead of explaining you make fun of me and then he complains that I'm not interested in his work.

Now we are home and my kid didn't want to sleep with me, it's really late, well past midnight and I'm sure my kid is up with some visiting cousins. I standing by my lack of discipline am being totally laid back and not saying anything. On the other hand I thought my husband and I could reconnect. While he finished praying I did some meditation and he came and then slept. Not a minute had past and I just gave him a small peck on the cheek and he flinched.

It's not a one time thing, when we initially got married I was very affectionate but I felt he rejected me a lot so I stopped saying I love you and I stopped trying to hug and kiss because I was met with such a reluctant person who never felt it was the right time. It's really affected our intimacy. And my emotional well being. Because I need validation from him but I feel like all I get is criticism. I truly feel I never will be good enough. And if he actually returned some of my affection I wouldn't feel the need to change him at all. But his priorities just don't include me.

Honestly I feel upset and I feel worse writing about this here. Of course he's not all bad. And I'm actively trying to make myself think positively. I tried to not let the situation with his mother come between us. But I'm upset now. I'm 30F and he's 35m. It's depressing. Please no comments about not talking about this on Reddit. It doesn't matter because it's anonymous. No one knows us here so it's okay.

I just want to know if anyone else has faced a situation like this. I feel all I can do is make dua and do sabr. I considered divorce for a long time but now I've decided against it. So bus. I've made myself strong over time. Maybe at some point even this won't affect me.

Hi, looking for advice from people who may have experienced something similar, especially within close family or cultural expectations around in laws.

I (F) am not married yet, I am engaged and currently trying to build a good relationship with my future in laws, especially my partner’s parents.

I have a sister in law (31) who is very close with her own mother. She is the only daughter, and has 4 brothers. Even in short social situations she will repeatedly call her mum multiple times within a couple of hours, even when she is on holiday. She really struggles with FOMO.

She is married with children and lives far from her own family, with in laws, but still spends a lot of time with them and stays over frequently. She has been married for a fair few years now. Her relationship with her husband and in laws can be quite up and down.

When she has conflict with her husband, she tends to share it quite openly with her family, which naturally makes them worry due to the distance between them. Most of the time she will come stay with her own family with her children when things aren’t good. She also doesn’t have many friendships outside of family and seems to struggle with feeling left out, which can sometimes lead to her not wanting me to have separate relationships or plans within the wider family without her being included.

She also doesn’t seem very close with the other brothers’ wives, and can sometimes be quite quick to discuss or share things about what others are doing within the wider family. This sometimes makes me feel a bit uneasy or cautious about what gets shared and how things are perceived.

At the same time, the dynamic can feel quite inconsistent. She can also be quite confrontational and has already tried to call me out over things I did not even realise I had done. There are also times where she can be quite exclusionary in her own behaviour, for example inviting her brother over but not extending the invite to his wife, even though she is sensitive herself about being excluded.

My mother in law seems very kind and supportive, and I want to maintain a good relationship with her. However, the dynamic with my sister in law can sometimes feel quite sensitive and unpredictable, and it often feels like the wider family adjust their behaviour to avoid upsetting her or triggering conflict. They tend to overcompensate for the relationship she doesn’t have with her husband at times.

I understand family closeness is not inherently a problem and I respect strong family bonds. However it is starting to affect my ability to feel relaxed and build natural relationships within my in laws as I feel like they fear upsetting her, and everything has to be ran past her. I also feel like they value her opinion strongly, so they constantly update her on everything - she’s had many opinions about the wedding already but she will never openly share them with me (which is fine), but makes me a bit wary.

I will also be living with my in laws short term, so I am trying to understand how to navigate this dynamic in a healthy way day to day without causing wider family tension or long term damage to relationships.

The bottom line for me is that I really want to have a good bond with my future husband and his parents, and I’m trying to do that while managing this situation respectfully.

I would really appreciate advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation. How did you set boundaries or change the dynamic in practice, and what actually helped without escalating things?

I’m a revert, I know about the rights and responsibilities of both parties but thats the technicalities, how’s an Islamic marriage? What else there is to know about it? What about the nikkah? What comes before and after. I know nothing about what it means to be in a marriage or be a wife, I think that if i do want to get married at some point, it’s good to start asking such questions.