r/MuslimMarriage

I have 1 year of university left but have been offered a grad job for the above wage, I just wanted a rough idea if that’s enough of a wage to start looking for someone to get married to or should I wait a few more years? (I’m only 21)

Edit* £32k-36k

I’m 36M, my wife is 35F. We’ve been married for 10 years and have a 5-year-old child. We both work, but there is a pretty massive difference in our incomes. I earn significantly more, and pay for all expenditures.. (Every single thing and even her own non obligatory expenses)

A stupid argument about investments was kind of the breaking point for me. I wanted to put around 20% of my savings into stocks from which I have made major gains even since before marriage. My wife wanted gold and land instead. I told her that since the money was primarily earned by me and we were already financially secure; I should have the final say in how I invested as long as I provided for them. And this isn't even the first time I've felt like my opportunities have been sacrificed for her preferences. She ended up moving all the money to her own account and there was a pretty bad confrontation over that.

I've had two opportunities over the years where accepting a promotion would have put me on a much faster career trajectory, only condition being relocating. She refused to move because she wanted to remain close to her parents. I ultimately turned both opportunities down.. I had literally relocated to her hometown for her job and now she mostly works from home and it would just cost a 35 min more to travel

I don't even know if she realizes how much that affected me. It feels like whenever there was a choice between my career and her preferred lifestyle, I was expected to compromise. She is also verbally abusive and curses me and sometimes acts physical.

Then there is the part I find hardest to get over. For the last couple of years, our relationship has been slowly fading. She puts in no effort to improve anything and believes in "it's my job to buy her gifts and plan every single event like dates, anniversaries, birthdays or any holidays". She also does not even do half of the chores; I have to repeatedly do like most cleaning and laundry. Cooking is like always on me on weekends. During this period I discovered that she had close chats with some male co-workers, they were not sexual but not harmless either. At this point I don't want to spend another ten years trying to repair something I don't think can be repaired. I told her I want a divorce. Also the thing is, I have done martial counselling but she did not change and refused to participate long in it.

Now she's asking for alimony, a portion of the house, and a portion of my stocks/investments if I want to seek divorce. Hearing this I don't even wanna be with her anymore. She is an only child and her parents own a house which she will eventually inherit anyway. So from my perspective, it's not like she is going to be left without a place to live or any family support. And now that I want out, I'm being told that I still owe her financially on top of everything else.

For those familiar with Islam, is her asking for alimony and a share of the house/stocks Islamically and morally correct in a situation like this? And from a general moral standpoint, am I being unreasonable for feeling resentful about all of this and wanting to walk away?

EDIT: We had the alimony talk in June, she probably wanted to threaten me but we haven't had any such convo till now after that.

I’m looking for an outsider perspective on a family situation. Me and my wife are both from Pakistan living in EU. My parents and in-laws have been no-contact for around 2 years now.

Both sides expect the other to make the first move. There have been attempts to fix things, but my parents are currently very stubborn and feel my in-laws haven’t genuinely tried to reconcile.
My wife and I had our Nikah in 2022. We’ve had our own ups and downs, nothing major, we are currently okay and want to finally start our married life together.

I’m financially independent and working in the EU, Alhamdulillah. I now want my wife, also living in a different EU country, to move in with me and finally start our life together rather than keep delaying things because our parents aren’t speaking.

I love and respect my parents and intend to continue looking after them, but I also feel I have responsibilities toward my wife and can’t keep our marriage on hold indefinitely.

What would you do in my situation? Am I being unreasonable by wanting to move forward with my wife despite the families not reconciling?

I’m posting this because I genuinely don’t know if I’m being reasonable or if I’m expecting something that isn’t realistic. I’m open to being corrected, even if people think my mindset is wrong or ungrateful. I’d really appreciate advice from people who have been in long-distance marriages, especially Muslim couples who had nikah before rukhsati.

I’m 27F and my husband is 31M. We got married/nikkahfied about 10 months ago. We had a relatively short talking stage before our families got involved, and his family came over and we had our nikah. Because of family schedules, work and visa timeline, we decided to have the larger wedding/reception and move in together in the coming months. We’re both completely fine with that arrangement.

My husband is very introverted, shy and reserved. I am an extrovert, emotional and expressive person. Alhamdulillah, I genuinely love his personality, deen, appearance and the way he thinks about our future. He is responsible, practical and always thinking ahead. He also never fails to call or text me every day. I don't question whether he cares about me or is committed to our marriage.

There are basically two things I've struggled with.

1. He isn't naturally very verbally affectionate. Sometimes our conversations can feel almost formal or like two roommates discussing their day. I’ve told him this directly. I've explained that words of affirmation and verbal affection matter a lot to me. He does try, and I appreciate that. He tells me he loves me, misses me, says I'm pretty, comments when he likes my hair or an outfit, etc.

Interestingly, when I withdraw a little or become less enthusiastic because I'm feeling emotionally disconnected, he becomes much more verbally expressive. We've talked about this and are working on it.

Part of me thinks this may change significantly once we're actually living together. Maybe his affection will come through much more naturally through physical presence, body language, cuddling, everyday companionship, etc. So I've been trying not to judge the entire relationship based on how he communicates through a screen.

2. The intimate side of our relationship seems to have completely disappeared. He came to visit me after we'd been married for about four months. It was a relatively short visit.

Because we had nikah but hadn't had rukhsati/reception yet, our parents indirectly made it clear that they didn't want us becoming intimate because if anything happened, society/family would start questioning everything. We understood the cultural situation and decided ourselves how to handle our boundaries.

Interestingly, the month before he came, we had started becoming much more verbally open about attraction and desire. We talked about how difficult it would be to control ourselves when we finally saw each other and how we'd have to find a balance between being married and halal to each other while also respecting the circumstances surrounding our rukhsati.

When he finally came, We became physically close and were both extremely happy and giddy. It's now been around five months since that visit and my husband has never brought it up again.

He has never brought up the topic or those moments. The only thing he barely mentions from those days, is how he misses cuddling with me. Even when I hint on something from that week, or how I miss something, he replies bluntly and changes the topic. He hasn't reminisced about it, hasn't told me what he liked, hasn't expressed wanting me physically, and hasn't initiated anything resembling the flirty/sexual conversations we had before his visit.

Before his visit, he was surprisingly expressive about attraction and desire. Afterward, it's almost like we put that part of our relationship in a box and never opened it again.

He still tells me he loves me and misses me. He still compliments my appearance. We have genuinely good conversations and look forward to talking every day. Alhamdulillah, I have many things to be grateful for in this marriage.

But sometimes I'll feel attracted to him or even sexually excited when we're talking at night (he doesn't directly do or say anything, its just the vibe or silence), but I've never really expressed that because I'm quite reserved myself and I'm worried he'll think I'm being inappropriate, being bold or that I'm crossing some line.

And then I wonder if perhaps he's doing exactly the same thing. Maybe he thinks I'm too reserved and doesn't want to make me uncomfortable. Maybe he simply doesn't think about communicating desire verbally the way I do. Or maybe I'm interpreting his silence correctly and he genuinely doesn't feel the need for that kind of communication. I honestly don't know.

I sometimes feel like, "What's the point of being married if I'm still constantly suppressing this part of myself?" We are halal for each other, but because we're long-distance and haven't had rukhsati yet, I'm still behaving as though I have to restrain myself.

At the same time, I don't want to be ungrateful. My husband is genuinely good to me in many ways. He supports me, thinks about our future, communicates with me daily and makes an effort despite his personality being naturally reserved.

So am I making too much of this?

And more importantly, do I even bring this up without making him feel pressured or making the conversation awkward? Or is that risky because I'm assuming something will magically improve once we're physically together?

Please be kind, but I'm okay with being told I'm looking at this completely wrong.

So my husband works full time and I’m a stay at home mom of 2. He pays the bills. I don’t work, but I have some money he gave me from our tax being split between us both. He told me to finance myself and my wants and our kids for the rest of the year with this money. We need a few household stuff like a baby walker and other bulky baby gadgets. Despite him saying I should pay for the kids, I’m expecting him to pay for them, as I am the wife and my money does not grow. Is this wrong? I feel like I will buy my children things here and there like clothes etc. but he needs to do all the big heavy lifting because it’s his job, despite the random compromise he tried to give me.

Honestly, I do not want to come across as vain. But he is obese (130kg at 170cm). I told him before that he should try to at least go under 100kg. He has been going to the gym and cycling, and for a while he was counting calories and managed to become 114kg. I was hopeful that he could be a normal weight in 3 years or so.

But recently he gained the weight back. I talked to him again and he said he does not want to lose weight and be skinny. He is scared that he will lose his identity and turn into a completely different person. From what he observed around him, once people become skinny they lose their joy and become serious (his words).

I understand a drastic change to your life can be scary. But I am ashamed of being seen with him. I obviously cant tell him this. My parents also dont like that he is obese, and my mom says if he doesnt lose weight I will be influenced by him and become obese.

How do I convince him? He already goes to the gym to become stronger, but he isnt interested in losing weight. Should I tell him that I straight up an not attracted to him anymore? I dont want to hurt him and make it seem like my love is dependent on his looks.

He is also a lot healthier than me, so I cant tell him that it is unhealty. He gets regular check ups and it seems he is really healthy.

Please dont remove this, I really need some adivce 🤲

I have always believed that I don't need all the information about my spouse's previous relationships/matches/talking stages, just the reasons that they didn't work out to guide myself and to get to know my spouse better. My husband and I (late 20s) have been married for over a year now and we were both virgins when we got married.

I have shared my past with him vaguely (focusing on why those relationships were not compatible and red flags) and he has shared his past with me. I don't care about what he did before me as long as he was a virgin, and he had the same standard for me, and I don't care to find out details anyway because I believe in keeping sins private unless they are required to be shared.

However, my husband overshared. Two or three years before we got engaged, we had a talking stage and he shared lots of information about his exes. For better or for worse, I have the memory of an elephant. I still remember everything. I know his exes' names, I know what they look like, I know where they are from and where they live, I know "how far" they've gone. I will note that he was very immature back then, and because he overshared and overstepped, I ended our talking stage at that time. Fast forward a couple years - we reconnected and I could tell he was different. While we were getting to know each other more for marriage, I told him I didn't want to know that information and he apologized for being so... informative, if you will.

Recently, two of his exes got married and both of their weddings' content is popping up on my for you page because it appears we have mutuals. A disclaimed: I truly do pray that Allah keeps us all happy in our marriages, I don't have anything against his exes. Unfortunately, I see my husband in each post that pops up on my Instagram page. I'm not even looking for it - it's friends of mine that have liked their posts, so they show on my feed, and each post is a constant reminder of how my husband overstepped my boundaries back then and shared SO MUCH more than I asked for. I feel like I've been over informed with useless information that only makes me feel the "ick" toward him. I know he's a good man and he's worked on himself to become a better Muslim. I am trying to be present and focused on where we are now, but I find myself wishing that I first met my husband as he is now, not as he was during that talking stage a couple years ago. I wish I never had that experience with him, and I wish he never overshared.

I guess this post serves as a warning. If you are talking to someone for the first time and conversations of past experiences come up, don't overshare and both parties should not ask for more information other than what their dealbreakers require. We are supposed to conceal our sins for a reason. Take it from me - that knowledge will stay with you forever.

I (29F) been with my fiancé (28M) for around 6 years, and we are finally getting close to marriage. I love him deeply, and we have always been compatible religiously.

We started by dating and hanging out all the time then we became more practicing Muslims. We both pray all 5, fast, give zakat and observe the pillars of Islam. We are both committed to growing in our deen and becoming better Muslims. we’re both growing in the same direction BUT..The problem is the pace.

Over the last year, his religiosity has suddenly accelerated. He has become much more conscious and strict about things he previously didn’t focus on as much, and I feel like I’m running behind him trying to catch up.

At first I was happy for him. I still am. I love that he wants to be closer to Allah.
But increasingly I’m feeling pressure, because his religious growth is starting to affect what he expects from me and what our future marriage will look like.
Hijab is probably the clearest example.

About two years ago, we had a conversation where I told him that I was personally interested in wearing hijab one day. It was something I wanted to work toward in my own religious journey.

This year, however, he told me that hijab has become something he considers necessary for his wife. He would like me to wear it as soon as possible, but he has also told me he is willing to wait years if necessary, as long as I am genuinely trying and progressing toward it. So technically he isn’t saying, “Wear it tomorrow or we’re done.” But he keeps asking about my progress every 4 months.

emotionally, something has changed for me.
Something that originally felt like my own religious journey and something I wanted to reach through conviction (and already was working towards, changed my wardrobe, modest clothes only now) feels like a requirement I eventually need to fulfil in order to remain compatible with the man I love.
And it isn’t only hijab.

We’ve had conversations about clothing, mixed environments at work and other things that increasingly make him uncomfortable religiously.

Recently, I told him how much I enjoyed a dance class with my female friends (woman only gym). He said it felt weird to him because he doesn’t think “we as Muslims dance.” To be completely fair to him, he didn’t tell me to stop going.

Then today we had a much bigger conversation.

He said that when we get married by end of year, he would like to fully separate the men from the woman’s wedding, and that he would like our wedding to have no music.

He believes both free-mixing snd music are haram, and he told me that he doesn’t want us to start our marriage and family with haram. He wants barakah in our marriage and believes we can still have a beautiful, fun wedding in a halal way.

I understand what he’s saying.
And somehow that doesn’t make it hurt any less.
I have waited 6 YEARS for this wedding. I’ve imagined it for so long. I imagined the music, celebrating, him entering and seeing me, all of those moments.
Now I feel heartbroken and, if I’m completely truthful, a little ripped off.

I feel like I spent all these years waiting for us to finally reach this point, but while I was waiting, the person I was going to marry changed significantly and therefore parts of the future I thought we were building changed too.

My fear isn’t really about music.
It’s not about dancing.
It’s not even solely about hijab.

I’m scared that he is progressing religiously so quickly that I can’t catch up, and that his progress is gradually becoming the pace I am expected to follow too.

I don’t want him to stop growing so that I can feel comfortable. I don’t want to pull him backwards. And I certainly don’t want him to knowingly do something he genuinely believes is haram just because I feel like I’m missing out.

I WANT to grow in my deen too.
I just don’t want my religious journey to start feeling like I’m constantly racing to become the woman my fiancé’s newest level of religiosity.

He isn’t some horrible controlling man. He loves me. He isn’t demanding that I transform overnight. He genuinely believes he is trying to build a marriage that pleases Allah, and I believe his intentions are sincere.
That’s what makes this so difficult.

For anyone who has experienced this in a relationship or marriage: what should i do? how do you distinguish healthy religious growth from a growing incompatibility in pace and expectations?
How do we make sure that I can continue growing from genuine conviction rather than feeling like I’m constantly trying to catch up with him?

EDIT: i want to clear somethings up

1- ive known him for 6, dated throughout uni, decided to make it halal, been engaged for 1.5 years (possible wedding by end of year)

2- i come from a family who free mix, listen to music and i have 0 hijabis in my family. And i decided to move towards wearing it even though i might face judgement.

3-i agree both are haram, im talking about the pace, i cant keep up and i feel like he sprinted and im doing my best but cant keep up

4- this year ive done so much, changed all my clothes to modest, ive stopped plucking my eyebrows, i read Quran daily, i dont laugh or sit with male coworkers (+never hangout with men who are non mahrams), i do thikr and istighfar, i removed all my photos from my instagram and made a woman only private account, i do deen study for 3-4 hours weekly, and much more. Im actually trying to do my best.

Salam everyone,

I’m writing this because I’m really struggling to cope right now. I never in a million years imagined I’d be a divorcee, let alone less than six months after saying "I do." I have a lot of dark thoughts about how things turned out, but I’m praying to Allah daily to heal me and grant me strength. I just need to vent and hopefully get some perspective from people who have been through similar situations.

To give some context: My ex-wife and I dated for two years before getting married in 2025. We come from different cultures/ethnicities and lived on opposite sides of the world, so I jumped through every possible hurdle to make it work. I traveled back and forth constantly to see her and her family. When we finally got married, I was the happiest man alive, and my family was genuinely thrilled for us.
I brought her to the US right after the wedding, but things went downhill fast.

Out of every week, 5 to 6 days were filled with non-stop chaos and conflict, with maybe 1 or 2 days of peace. We both suffered, but the complete lack of effort and constant hostility broke me down:

Zero effort at home: For the first three months, she did virtually nothing. I’d come home after working 50+ hours a week, and she’d still be in bed. She didn't pray, didn't offer Salam to anyone (when we lived with my family initially), and didn't cook at all until Ramadan. I had to take us out to eat every single day just so we could eat.
(in the almost 6 months we were married. I spent about $9,000 on food, including delivery food and going to the restaurant and buying food from the grocery.)

Red flags & property questions: She refused to do a Walima in my home city for my community, which always felt strange to me. She also constantly probed about what assets I owned and whose name was on the deeds. Whenever I called out how uncomfortable those questions made me, she always had an excuse ready.

Disrespecting my family: I take care of my elderly parents, and she resented it deeply. She mocked them and insulted almost every member of my family over extremely trivial things.

Attempts to fix things failed: I brought in an Imam to mediate, but it made no positive difference. Thinking a fresh start in our own space would help, I worked my tail off—making over $10k in a single month—to buy and renovate a house for us to start 2026 together. It changed nothing.
Things temporarily improved during Ramadan—she cooked great meals and showed some progress—but the emotional damage she inflicted on me and my family had already built up.

After Ramadan, she expected me to move forward with her green card/immigration paperwork. I couldn't in good conscience file those papers given the state of our marriage and the way she treated me & my family. I proposed taking a break from work, traveling back to her home country together, and working through our issues with a professional or her family before completing the immigration process.

She outright rejected it and demanded a divorce. Later on i found out her mom encouraged her to divorce me.

She claims I changed after marriage, but I disagree completely. I worked myself to exhaustion trying to build a stable life, a comfortable home, and a future for us, but she brought nothing positive into the relationship and destroyed the peace in my home.

I’m sitting here now feeling completely drained, wondering why I put myself through all of this. Sometimes I naively catch myself wishing we had just stayed dating and never gotten married. Going from the happiest moment of my life to a messy divorce in under six months has shattered me.

How do you pick yourself up after something like this? How do you move past the resentment of giving 100% to someone who gave nothing back and disrespecting you and your family?

It’s crazy because i still love her and i know we can’t go back together after all she said and did. But i still want her and her only. I don’t see myself with anyone but her. Maybe i should stop reliving our relationship pre-marriage?

Like genuinely, what did i do to deserve this?

I have 0 motivation in life rn and im not mentally well. I need help.

Asalaamu alaikum, I female (23) am currently 2 months postpartum with my second baby. Me and my husband are currently struggling to find a middle ground when it comes to sexual intimacy. During pregnancy it was really hard for me to be intimate with him due to morning sickness, sciatica, and injuring my hips while walking with my toddler which made slight movements very painful. On top of that while pregnant my husband did something behind my back that really broke my trust and confidence. So it made intimacy something I couldn’t really bare. Now fast forward to at 2 almost 3 months postpartum I am still not interested. Well I was, but when we did have time to do something I didn’t get mines. He’s developed this habit from when I was pregnant where he mainly would focus on himself and as long as he finished, then we were done and I was constantly put on the back burner with the excuse of “ oh theres not enough time “ or “we just have to keep trying”. After months and months of literally just doing it for him it has almost conditioned me to not want it or find any pleasure in it especially because I knew what the outcome would be. Now that I am no longer pregnant and have some of my autonomy back I had recently gained some interest in it but the same thing happened where we only focused on him and gave me the excuse of “next time” which caused me to be very angry to the point where I didn’t even want him to touch me after. I made it up in my mind that I’m no longer gonna be pushed to the side and if we don’t have time for my pleasure as well then we simply don’t have time at all. On top of that with dealing with a newborn and toddler I find that most days I am overwhelmed and overstimulated so sexual touching really makes me feel uncomfortable and strange. I’ve expressed all this to him but he takes it as me not desiring him when that’s not the case I just feel used. And it doesn’t help that whenever he shows me “affection” it’s always groping and never hugs or non sexual touches. It’s weird since having my baby I’ve almost felt like a baby myself wanting and yearning for comfort and support and reassurance that everything is ok, not a reminder that I need to fulfill sexual duties at the end of the day. As stated before my desire is there but I’ve been losing it bc of the fear that my pleasure won’t be accounted for and I’ll have to go however long until we have the “ time”. So is it haram or am I wrong for having this mindset of wanting to enjoy it, kind of all or nothing approach ? And how can me and my husband find a middle ground where both of our needs are being taken care of and we both feel loved and appreciated?

Assalamu alaikum,

My husband and I recently decided to give our marriage another chance after living separately for about three years.

I left while I was pregnant after a very difficult period in our marriage with a lot of arguments, hurt, poor communication and periods where we would emotionally shut each other out. After I left, we both built completely separate lives and never resumed married life.

The strange thing is that we also never actually divorced Islamically. There was never a talaq, I never requested khul’, and I never returned my mahr. For three years I genuinely thought of myself as separated/divorced, until recently I started questioning our Islamic status.

We contacted the imam who had been involved in our nikah, and he confirmed that we are still Islamically married. He basically told us that we now have to decide what we want to do: either properly work on the marriage or end it properly.

That led to a very long and honest conversation between my husband and me. We spoke for hours about what happened, what hurt us, the mistakes we both made and what would need to change if we were ever going to try again.

He apologised for several things that had deeply hurt me, and I also acknowledged things I could have handled differently. We both realised that our way of dealing with conflict was unhealthy. I could become defensive or impulsive, while he could stay angry for days, withdraw or ignore me instead of resolving things.

We have now decided to genuinely try again.
We are planning to start couples therapy and work specifically on communication, conflict resolution, emotional safety and rebuilding trust.
I have also explained some things that I need if we are going to rebuild this marriage: I don’t want us to ignore each other during conflicts anymore, I don’t want our private problems constantly shared with family, and I need him to be more attentive and affectionate so that I actually feel loved in the relationship.
We have also agreed that for the next 6 months we will not involve or inform our families, and instead focus fully on working on our relationship in private. If things improve and we are able to rebuild properly, we will then inform our families. However, if it does not work out, my husband will formally and definitively pronounce the divorce.

We are also keeping our current practical lives separate for now. I have my own home and he has his, and we are not rushing into living together again. We have a young son together, and we also agreed that having another child is absolutely something we should postpone until we know our relationship is genuinely stable.
My biggest difficulty right now is the emotional and physical closeness.

After three years of basically living as separate people, it feels strange to suddenly relate to him as my husband again. He seems more comfortable with hugging me, touching me affectionately, being physically close, etc.

I don’t dislike it. In fact, part of me really wants that closeness again. But at the same time, I feel almost emotionally blocked. Even kissing him recently felt like a very big step for me.
There is still so much history between us. I was deeply hurt in the marriage, and I know I hurt him too. Even though we’ve apologised and talked about things, old wounds don’t suddenly disappear because we decided to try again.
That’s probably what scares me the most. Part of me really wants this marriage to work. Another part of me is terrified that one conflict will happen and suddenly all the old feelings and resentment will come rushing back.
Sometimes I also wonder whether I genuinely want him again, or whether the idea of rebuilding my family feels attractive
At the same time, our recent conversations have been completely different from how we used to communicate. I was able to say things that hurt me, disagree with him, challenge what he said and actually have a conversation instead of everything turning into a huge argument.
So I do want to give it a genuine chance. I just don’t want to rush myself emotionally or physically or pretend that three years of separation never happened.
Has anyone here reconciled with their spouse after being separated for years?
Did affection and intimacy feel awkward at first?
How did you rebuild trust without constantly being afraid that everything would fall apart again?
And for those who successfully reconciled, what helped you make sure you were actually building a new relationship rather than simply returning to the old one?
Jazakum Allahu khayran. 🤍

Salam! 26F I met a Pakistani man online a while back, and after talking with him for about 2 months, we decided to meet each other's parents. He lives about 500mi away from me in a different state. I traveled there and met his strict Pakistani family. Long story short - his mom and the rest of the family like me, but his father is vehemently against me. His reasoning is that I am a revert, white, come from humble means, and that I won't understand Pakistani culture. His family is also worried about what the community will think and, most importantly, that this will set a standard in the family that it's okay to marry outside of the culture. While I understand it's important to preserve heritage and culture... I think this is taking things a little too far. His father has also refused to speak to me and get to know me, and just states that I'm "not a viable option for their son." I am more than happy to adopt customs and traditions and am a very respectful, open-minded person. I don't feel like this hate is warranted. The guy I'm speaking to is basically saying we only have one option, and thats to do Nikkah without his family's blessing; however, we're obviously very hesitant to do that because it's not what we think is best. Although I like him and can see a future with him... is it worth it to keep pursuing this in hopes that his family (namely his father) will change his mind?

Assalamu alaykum everyone,

​I am posting here to seek advice from the community. After several years of struggling with adult content (which started out of curiosity around age 11), I had a major wake-up call two days ago. Despite this struggle, I have always maintained my daily prayers and tried to grow closer to Allah, but the repetition and normalization made me lose sight of the gravity of this sin.

​Today, at 19, as I project myself toward marriage, I realized that I want to marry a pious and virtuous spouse. This caused me a heavy moral shock: I now feel unworthy and consumed by guilt. This realization pushed me to immediately stop all consumption, lower my gaze, and engage in sincere repentance (tawbah) to begin a journey of spiritual and mental healing.

​However, deep anxiety is consuming me:

​If my future wife asks me about my past, what stance should I take according to Islamic principles? Lying seems destructive to trust within a couple, but I also know that one should not expose their own past sins (sitr). Yet confessing could be equally difficult, as it might create distrust before marriage or cause pain and risk after marriage.

​Is it possible to fully overcome the psychological aftermath of this habit in order to provide a healthy and fulfilling home for my partner?

​I feel very alone facing this situation, which I cannot share with anyone. What advice or reminders could you give me to navigate this period of anxiety, keep my resolve, and approach the topic of marriage with peace of mind?

​Jazak Allah Khayran for your kindness.

Assalaamu alaikum, I hope you are doing well.
I've been with my partner since school ended in 2024. So it's been over two years now. I love her to the core and I feel like everything just matches perfectly. Almost everything.
Both my parents know and most of extended family as well. On her side it's just her cousins, her mom and her aunt. And she is planning to tell her dad before the end of this year as I am going to begin university in October. From there, we are hoping for Nikkah as soon as possible inshaAllah.
Now, as to why it took us two years: the plan was originally to tell our parents after a year. I kept my promise, she didn't. Reason why is that her parents are stricter and she feels more distanced which I understand. But why couldn't she say that before? I feel very guilty being in a haram relationship and I want to do Nikkah asap. She took 11 months longer than the initial plan just to tell her mom. I'm still very proud of her. She was waiting for me to enroll to then tell her dad. He is very religious and, as per her mom, would rush to marry us both in order to keep it halal.

Now comes the issue: I am scared of marrying her due to our religious incompatibility. Realistically, I pray 2-3 times a day and I'm trying to improve myself. She prays like 3-4 times a month and that's mostly because I ask her to. Her mom is pretty much atheist and that has rubbed off on my partner during her childhood. Even though her dad is very religious, the daughters do usually tend to be more like their mothers, I guess.
I regularly try to bring more Islam to her life: we watch YouTube videos together, talk about the afterlife, I try to answer most of her questions regarding Islam as much as I can and more. I do not want to lie, she has definitely become more open to Islam and I really see the progress which I am very very proud of. But as sorry as I am to say it, it is not enough for me. I do not want to marry a vision of her because what if it stays like that after Nikkah?
Also her deen reflects on her clothing: not necessarily immodest but still too tight and in summer even skin showing.
She doesn't have a problem with our incompatibility. For her, her sins are hers and mine are mine and we shouldn't interfere with another. She says she accepts my deen and I should accept hers. And essentially I want to.
I want to be like her dad who married an almost atheist. But then I fear that what happened to her dad: his children not really wanting to learn about Islam and pray. So I'm scared. I don't know what to do.
I really want to marry her but I don't know if it's the right decision. Marrying someone outside my culture and that too while being 20 years old is gonna be difficult so at least I want it to last.
Please help me!!! I've had enough of talking to ChatGPT about this.

This is my question to you: To what measure should I want my partner to pray and is it okay if I don't care?

Thank you for reading

It’s been a year of marriage and I feel my attraction to him has gone down over time. I believe I have a lot of resentment for how much my life has had to change for him which is making me feel this way. There were a lot of things that weren’t discussed prior to us getting married, which I now have to follow because as the wife I have to obey him and do what he says. And I don’t fully feel like myself anymore. He’s very strict about free mixing which is understandable, but it’s impacted my ability to network, as I cannot attend work events with other men there. I’ve had to get rid of clothes he doesn’t like. I need permission or approval for seeing my friends, I can’t travel with my siblings. He got upset with me for posting myself on social media (to my friends only) without showing him first. Now I have all this built up resentment and I don’t see him the same way anymore. But at the same time, every time I think about leaving or get close to saying it, I feel too overwhelmed to do it. Because I still love him deeply and am very attached, which is what’s keeping me here. He is a good man and a provider and protector, but his protection of me is also limiting my freedom and independence. I always told him I see us as equal partners in the marriage with different roles and responsibilities. He tells me to get it through my head that we are not equals and since he’s my protector, he knows what’s best for me. That it will not change that he needs to approve anything I do. I’m finding it extremely difficult, I have prayed on it, but the feeling isn’t going away. Any advice is appreciated

Does my husband have the right to tell me what I can buy with my own money?

I feel numb and tried not to post this but I just need to type it out. I have negative test results for myself from years prior and I was not unfaithful. She is insisting she was not either. She only has a negative result from Jan 2026. Positive yesterday. I have not had any reason to have suspicion.

She is getting tested twice today by 2 different clinics to see if any possibility of a false positive. I have mine scheduled for Wednesday (tomorrow).

Baby is ~12 weeks old. She was supposed to share news of its gender, got hit with this instead.

I can't shake the feeling that this relationship might be over. Only thing that can save it are two negative results from her and confirmation of a false positive.

tl;dr: wife tested positive for std, I have no previous history of disease or cheating

Personal context: I'm f18, and I've been Muslim for 4 years. My appointed wali was my closest friend's father. "Q" is m23, and was raised Muslim. Also, we met on Muzz, and neither of us is following a culture that already has traditions in place for this process.

I'm in the process of nikah with a prospective husband, Q. Going in, we'd agreed on a rough timeline: 2-3 months of intentional talking and meeting, then we'd be in a place to decide on marriage. We're right around the 2-month mark now. We talk almost daily over the phone for 45-60 minutes, and have met in person once (we live 3 hours apart). We've both been intentional; we've each been vetting each other's families and character along the way. My original wali stepped down recently due to some unrelated concerns, and I'm currently waiting on my imam to return from travel so he can take over inshaAllah.

Recently, Q told me he wants us to do a kind of pre-marriage "test," where we each set personal goals (like volunteering weekly) and hold each other accountable to them, as a way of gauging whether we'd work well as spouses. He also mentioned he'd had this idea for a while but didn't bring it up because he figured my wali would object or make it difficult, and now that my wali isn't in place, he feels he can move forward with it.

Separately, in the same conversation, I told him I feel good about the process and would move forward with marrying him barring anything bad coming up. He responded that he isn't ready to say yes yet and wants more time, plus this new testing process, even though we're at the point in our timeline where a decision was supposed to be on the table. When I asked directly for a new timeline, he didn't give me one.

I'm trying to figure out if this is reasonable caution from someone who comes from a divorced family and is scared of repeating that, or if it's a pattern of the goalposts moving right as we hit the point where a decision was supposed to happen. I've also started feeling like I'm the one pursuing him, which isn't the dynamic I want going into a marriage. I want to feel wanted and pursued. It's making me feel defeminized and rejected, but that might just be me being insecure or low in self-esteem. I'm also worried about how appropriate it is to be doing this sort of "test," as dragging out the process or delaying a decision could possibly invite fitna. And I'm typically an indecisive and overly cautious person, so I was shocked by this. I did my due diligence, prayed istikhara, and put my trust in Allah SWT.

Would appreciate outside perspective. Is the wali-timing thing as concerning as it feels? Is it normal for a timeline to shift without a new one being offered? Is there such a thing as being overly cautious? I feel alone and unsure in this process.

Asalamu’Alaykum,

I am a young M who has recently gotten married Allhumdullilah. Cutting to the point, half of the time intimacy works fine and it feels amazing. The other half of the time it’s working fine, and then maybe I don’t give in to the feeling (or Im not able to?) Idk, and I loose my erection. I don’t jerk off, use porn, etc. it feels kind of numb down there after, I still really want to finish (like pent up feeling down there) but I can’t get hard. It kind of feels kind of overstimulated maybe? Like a long time ago (many years) when I wud jerk off a lot in a day, that numb/soreish kinda feeling. But there’s nothing like that here, we don’t even go for that long maybe 5-7 mins before this happens. This doesn’t happen with handjobs, we haven’t done any oral. Please help and give advice!!