u/Old-Fill-3705

It’s been a year of marriage and I feel my attraction to him has gone down over time. I believe I have a lot of resentment for how much my life has had to change for him which is making me feel this way. There were a lot of things that weren’t discussed prior to us getting married, which I now have to follow because as the wife I have to obey him and do what he says. And I don’t fully feel like myself anymore. He’s very strict about free mixing which is understandable, but it’s impacted my ability to network, as I cannot attend work events with other men there. I’ve had to get rid of clothes he doesn’t like. I need permission or approval for seeing my friends, I can’t travel with my siblings. He got upset with me for posting myself on social media (to my friends only) without showing him first. Now I have all this built up resentment and I don’t see him the same way anymore. But at the same time, every time I think about leaving or get close to saying it, I feel too overwhelmed to do it. Because I still love him deeply and am very attached, which is what’s keeping me here. He is a good man and a provider and protector, but his protection of me is also limiting my freedom and independence. I always told him I see us as equal partners in the marriage with different roles and responsibilities. He tells me to get it through my head that we are not equals and since he’s my protector, he knows what’s best for me. That it will not change that he needs to approve anything I do. I’m finding it extremely difficult, I have prayed on it, but the feeling isn’t going away. Any advice is appreciated

It’s been a year of marriage and I feel my attraction to him has gone down over time. I believe I have a lot of resentment for how much my life has had to change for him which is making me feel this way. There were a lot of things that weren’t discussed prior to us getting married, which I now have to follow because as the wife I have to obey him and do what he says. And I don’t fully feel like myself anymore. He’s very strict about free mixing which is understandable, but it’s impacted my ability to network, as I cannot attend work events with other men there. I’ve had to get rid of clothes he doesn’t like. I need permission or approval for seeing my friends, I can’t travel with my siblings. He got upset with me for posting myself on social media (to my friends only) without showing him first. Now I have all this built up resentment and I don’t see him the same way anymore. But at the same time, every time I think about leaving or get close to saying it, I feel too overwhelmed to do it. Because I still love him deeply and am very attached, which is what’s keeping me here. He is a good man and a provider and protector, but his protection of me is also limiting my freedom and independence. I always told him I see us as equal partners in the marriage with different roles and responsibilities. He tells me to get it through my head that we are not equals and since he’s my protector, he knows what’s best for me. That it will not change that he needs to approve anything I do. I’m finding it extremely difficult, I have prayed on it, but the feeling isn’t going away. Any advice is appreciated

Ill try to explain best I can-
We have a friend group of 5 from college and we all remained super close even a few years after graduating and being in different cities. One girl (I’ll call Jessy) got married a year ago. The whole friend group went to her wedding and it was beautiful and we had a great time. But about 2-3 months later, she completely ghosted us. I mean stopped replying in the group chat, stopped opening snaps, blocked us on instagram and tik tok. Every time we tried to reach out individually, it was crickets. We were all pretty upset because she was so close to us and a great friend and we didn’t even get any explanation, just straight ghost.

Fast forward to today- she’s getting divorced and just now reached out a whole year and a half later. Very apologetic, saying how much she missed us, and it wasn’t her decision to ghost. She said she never expected it to happen and she wanted to reach out everyday. Her explanation: her husband is more religious and essentially made her cut all of us off because she used to party and drink with us (Jessy doesn’t anymore), but her husband didn’t want her associated with us or that lifestyle any longer. He claimed it was to protect them as a couple and future family. Also, Jessy used to be really close friends with this guy Ryan, who is gay. Jessy explained that her husband was super uncomfortable with her and Ryan’s friendship. Ryan is friends with the whole group too so another reason her husband made her cut us all off was because of our association with Ryan as well. She even said her husband made her delete all pictures of them together since college. She feels so bad and I know she does because of how much she used to value our friendship. She says he was never physically abusive, but very controlling over who she saw, where she went, etc, and felt really isolated. She says she thought about us everyday but was scared what might happen if she reached out and her husband caught her. She never wanted to be the girl who loses her friends and social life after marriage, and even though she tried, her husband was pretty much stopping her and would get angry if she tried anything.

The fact that she went ghost and didn’t say a word makes me upset and kind of resentful but at the same time I do feel for her. She used to be so outgoing and fun and social and what happened makes me feel bad. So idk if I’m ready to take her as a friend again, AITAH?

25f married to 26m. It’s literally always been on my mind that I’m unsure if he’s my life partner and if I deserve something better. On paper, he’s a great husband. We love each other and have fun with one another, I also know he’d make a great father. But there’s a level of controlling behavior he has that has made me so resentful and made me miss my single life. And by “miss my single life,” I don’t mean sleeping around and staying out late. I mean my independence and freedom. I’ve found that we’re fundamentally incompatible in terms of values and even level of religiosity. We don’t agree on a lot of basic things like I have to be home by a certain time, he can stay out as late as he wants with friends. He doesn’t like the idea of me traveling without him (work, girls trips, etc). Yes these things should’ve been discovered before marriage but in our culture/religion, dating isn’t encouraged so it was a bit rushed. I was also naively in love and excited to be married. And now it’s backfiring. Sometimes I think once we have kids that these problems won’t seem like such a big deal, but I think that’s me trying to make it better. There hasn’t been a day in the last 6 months where I don’t contemplate leaving or whether the relationship is good for me. It’s getting so tiring. He thinks everything is great because whenever we argue, I’m always the one who ends up compromising for his comfort. I don’t know what to do.

25f and divorced after 1 year marriage. Ended due to incompatibility and differences in core values. I’m raised in the states where divorce is obviously very common, but in a south Asian community where it’s highly stigmatized. I guess I have fear of what people will think and say- not so much about me, but my family. aH my family is supportive but they’re also well respected in the community, idk why I feel like my divorce will bring them embarrassment. And then also finding a husband again as a divorced woman I know is tough in this community, but I worry about running out of time- specifically for having kids. Guess im asking what others experience was like and how to let go of these fears? Jzk.