r/AITAH_unfiltered

TW: SH
Me and my girlfriend have been dating for more than a year now. She has been the best and worst part of my life. We don’t call eachother names during arguments but she just boils my blood sometimes. I feel like she has a need to be correct. She denies it but I see through her. She definitely has a superiority complex and our arguments are always anout something stupid.
For instance I talked to her about videos I dislike and how I don’t like the “what about meism” phenomenon and how I hate the videos just being guilt trips. And I said somethinh like “I don’t care about your disabled sister. She’s not a part of this conversation.”
She started telling me how I shouldn’t be judgmental and rude like that and that it’s a red flag.
I told her that she often tells me how she sees things as annoying or off putting in other people
How she tells me all the time “If I werent you doing this, I would be annoyed by it.” And it’s always small harmless things.
She said shes trying to change whatnot.
She eventually started having a tone with me for a misunderstanding that we already cleared up
Though I admit I sounded a bit angry I was just trying to move on.
Which is something she said she didn’t like, and I said I won’t do it again.
I moved on and came to a conclusion of “If you stop doing this, I will too. And if you’re working on it, I’ll work on it too.”
she had a fucking tone with me
When I asked why
She said “I don’t like the misunderstanding we had earlier”
Honey it’s already said and done stop being such a fucking bitch about it.
Snd she was also mad about how when she cut me off to clear something up, I was really angry sounding.
I told her, I’m not angry. I’m not frustrated just passionate and I’m sorry how it came off.
I told her in that moment rhat hey it’s fine even if u didn’t tell me then u couldve told me later
Which she interpreted as me saying that she should say it later, which I cleared up.
I said hey listen I’ll be better in the future, I’ll do what you want.
And she replies with “so I’m right?”
Which boiled my blood.
She has no reason to say that. And at any other time I wouldve been fine but we also had another argument hours earlier wnd it just pissed me the fuck off.
That she has a solution and still chooses to be such a bitch to me.
I told her, I let everything out
I told her shes the reason I cut, the reason I break out, the reason I struggle and get sad in my day to day. That shes the reason why I’m always angry. That she mentally tortures me with these arguments and fights. That she escalates shit for no reason and just seems to love pressing my buttons.
I don’t know if she’s doing it on purpose.
I don’t want her to feel like she’s walking on eggshells.
Theres a lot of good in our relationship.
But shes my everything. And I want her to love me.
I love her so much but I’m just done with the arguments about some stupid bullshit.
I told her hey if u try to be better I will too
Why can’t she just be happy with it and end it there?
She just likes to escalate.
Maybe I’m just coping becahse I told her not to contact me for a few days and I’m still frustrated as hell.
Idk if I’m abusive or if I’m abusive or if we’re both just not right for eachother.
We don’t name call and we love eachother outside of this.
I just wish my life was simple again. Without all this frustration.
WIBTAH if I break up with her?

Okay so for some background info, me (16f at the time) and my partner (15m at the time) had dealt with issues throughout our relationship revolving around him watching pornography. I told him the time before last, if I found out again, it would be over because it really hurt my self-esteem and made me feel like I wasn't enough and like I was already doing things I wasn't fully comfortable with just so he wouldn't be watching pornography. A few months later i found out he's doing it again and so I did, as I said, I broke up with him, I ended a year and a 1/2 long relationship, which for teenagers feels like forever. And after about a month or 2 i got into a new relationship, and even in that new relationship, I still missed my ex, even though I shouldn't have, I would often do things to the guy I got with soon after like sending him. "I missed my ex videos" on TikTok or constantly talk about my ex with which honestly does make me the asshole but that's not what i'm talking about right now. anyways, so I break up with him after like a month. Then about 8 months after the original breakup with the first ex. i start feeling like I Miss him to the point where like I physically can't stand it. And so I contact him and we start talking again for a little bit.(we we're also super super banned from each other so this was extremely risky for me , especially because my parents are extremely strict) Anyways he is really upset with me for getting with a guy so soon and just was really angry with me. And said it made him feel like our relationship didn't matter when truly I was just trying to cope. It kind of felt like it was his way of distracting me from what he was doing, but also I understand. it's now been over a year and a 1/2 since we first broke up, and I'm still missing him to this day and I decided to reach out again, knowing that this time, he would be more mad if he found out I'd gotten into another relationship, which I was and still am in in that relationship while talking to my ex. i know I'm the asshole for that, but it's hard for me and I don't know what to do.I feel like my current boyfriend is almost like a filler until I turn 18 and can finally date my ex.But also , i'm scared that either one of them will find out that i'm talking to them. i feel so scared and confused. I genuiney love my ex more than anything to an unhealthy extent, ive gone through a lot of trauma and built a trauma bond/ Stockholm syndrome rls with him because we were so toxic and also so young. I feel like I don't want to be in a relationship with my current boyfriend but also I don't want to be alone cause he's my only friend. what do I do? Am I the asshole?

Edit: I haven't technically cheated, I haven't met up with my ex or anything, I just text him as if we are dating "I miss you" "I love you" etc

Okay, so a bit of backstory first.

My cousin, who I’ll call J, was married to his ex-wife for 7 years. During that marriage, he cheated on her with S, who is now his current wife. They only dated for a few months before getting engaged, and then got married about a year later.

I was invited to the wedding, and despite everything, I was genuinely excited to go. I bought an outfit, travelled to another country for it, spent a lot of money, and fully intended to support my cousin on his big day.

The issue started at the reception.

My mum wasn’t invited to the wedding for reasons that are way too long to explain, so I already felt uncomfortable being there with just my dad. I was seated at a table with aunties and uncles I maybe see once a year, while the next table over had my brother, sister, their mum, my niece, and my sibling-in-laws. Basically, the people I actually felt comfortable around.

Before dinner started, I tried to find J or S to ask if I could switch tables, but they were busy taking photos. Since nobody had sat down yet, I just quietly moved seats and thought nothing of it.

I was sitting there enjoying myself when S suddenly walked over to me and said:

“Three months of planning, my love… when I go to your wedding, I’ll move seats as well.”

It completely shocked me.

It wasn’t even necessarily WHAT she said, it was the way she said it. Cold, passive aggressive, and honestly kind of humiliating. Up until then she’d always been super nice to me, so it felt like I saw a completely different side of her in that moment.

I didn’t argue back because I didn’t want to ruin my cousin’s wedding day. I just stayed quiet and tried to move on.

But later, my dad told J that I was upset. I was annoyed at my dad for bringing it up, but part of me thought maybe J would defend me or at least ask if I was okay.

Instead, he looked at me and said:

“Today’s not the day to make it about you.”

That genuinely broke my heart. Me and J were really close, and I never expected him to react like that.

At that point I decided to leave. Since the wedding was in a bordering country, I asked my dad for my passport back and told him who was driving me home. He literally said okay and handed it to me.

I got home about 40 minutes later… only to find out everyone apparently thought I had “gone missing.”

People were searching for me, calling around, creating drama — except my dad KNEW exactly where I was. That’s why I honestly think he stirred it up for attention.

My sister later claimed my dad had been calling me nonstop, but I never had a single missed call from anyone.

I do understand how leaving early might have looked from J and S’s perspective. I can see why they maybe thought I was trying to take attention away from the wedding, but I genuinely wasn’t. I was hurt, embarrassed, overwhelmed, and just wanted to go home quietly.

I cried the entire night because the whole situation spiralled into something I never intended.

And after that? They completely cut me off.

Blocked me on everything. Never spoke to me again. My cousin, who I was genuinely so close to, just erased me from his life over this.

Now here’s where it gets messier.

The wedding happened in September 2025. Then last month, something else happened.

For context, J and S had apparently been trying for a baby for a while. Sadly, S had miscarried previously.

Last month was my sister’s baby shower. Before going, I simply asked if J and S were going to be there. I was going regardless, but I have anxiety and I just like knowing beforehand so I can mentally prepare myself.

Well, somehow that simple question turned into a massive argument with my sister, who was also heavily pregnant and hormonal at the time.

During the argument, my sister said S had “a good reason” for not attending. Everyone kept asking what the reason was, and I blurted out:

“She either lost another baby and is too sad to be around baby stuff, or she’s pregnant and doesn’t want to risk getting sick.”

Apparently this was considered a horrible thing to say.

Maybe my tone came across wrong, but I genuinely didn’t mean it maliciously. In fact, I had miscarried myself just a month before the baby shower, so I actually understood how painful baby-related events can feel after loss.

And in the end… I was right. The IVF had worked, and S was pregnant. I later found out through another cousin’s social media that they were having a boy at a gender reveal I obviously wasn’t invited to.

So now I genuinely don’t know anymore.

Was I wrong for moving tables at the wedding?
Was the whole thing just a massive misunderstanding?
Or are J and S being dramatic for cutting me off completely?

I (18F) have a close friend (17F) who recently told me she thinks she might be pregnant. She was freaking out, crying, the whole thing, and made me promise not to tell anyone—especially her boyfriend (18M).

At first I agreed because I felt bad for her. But days went by and she still hadn’t told him. Meanwhile, she kept talking about how scared she was and what could happen, but also said she “wasn’t ready to deal with it yet.”

The thing is, he had no idea. He was still acting completely normal, joking around, making plans, everything.

I started feeling really uncomfortable because if she is pregnant, it affects him too. And I kept thinking about how I’d feel if I were in his position and everyone knew except me.

I tried to convince her multiple times to tell him, but she refused and got mad at me for even bringing it up.

So I ended up telling him myself.

I didn’t make it dramatic—I just said she thought she might be pregnant and that he should talk to her. He was shocked, obviously, and confronted her about it.

Now everything has blown up. She’s furious at me for breaking her trust and says I completely betrayed her. Some of our friends agree and are saying it wasn’t my place no matter what.

I get that it was her situation, but I also feel like he had a right to know if it could affect him too.

Now I might’ve lost one of my closest friends over this.

AITA for telling him when she wouldn’t?

Heads up this is a bit long and complex. For protection of the people involved I’ll use fake names.
I 29 F recently rejoined the online dating world. I had no intent of meeting anyone, just strictly for entertainment. I ended up connecting with a guy… let’s call him Kyle 31. A little background Kyle is 31, has a son that he has pretty much full time, and allegedly works multiple jobs. We started talking on Snapchat in February, vague conversations. It eventually lead to him asking me on a date on a Thursday. I agreed to the said date. Thursday comes around and he doesn’t message me so I carried on with my night. I didn’t take it personal because I know he has his son and life happens. Fast forward he messages me and reschedules. He lives 2 hours from me.. Kyle drove 2 hours to pick me up and we went to a bowling alley 30 minutes from me. I had a great time things went well at the beginning. Things got hot and heavy and I disclosed to him that I have HSV-1 GH which I got last year. He was obviously taken back by it which is expected I wasn’t offended. I’ve been in these situations and usually I’m ghosted. He insisted he wasn’t going to ghost, and didn’t. He brought me home and we continued to talk. He wanted to see me at the last minute a few days later but I needed time to process everything myself. A week later he wanted to get a hotel room and take me out the next day. He didn’t plan it well. He got to my house to pick me up late which was fine because I had to help with family stuff anyway. When he got to my house he had no hotel booked and nothing planned. He started calling around looking for one… it was 11:00 PM. He wanted a smoking room so he could smoke *grass* I reminded him that I have asthma and can’t deal with a smoking room. I finally find one 30 minutes north he called and booked it but complained that it was $100. Maybe I’m a bit old fashioned but this was his idea and I wasn’t paying for a thing. We start driving there and he asked me what I want for dinner. Since it was as late I told him Applebees is good. He asked me if I was going to pay.. I said no? It was his idea why would I pay… and on top of that he allegedly works multiple jobs and lives with his mother. He pays for the takeout and we get to the hotel. After eating I changed into a cute outfit. I also want to add I showed him the stuff I ordered us to use and asked if he was ok with it.. he was excited and said yes. Once I get into my cute outfit I got anxious. I haven’t slept with anyone since my traumatic outbreak of HSV-1 last year. We ended up just passing out and I was relieved. In the morning things got hot and heavy but nothing crazy. I got ready for the day: I must add that one of his jobs is instacart and that’s fine but he went out and did an order while I got ready came back showed and we left. He ends up doing another order WITH ME IN THE CAR. Anyway we make it to the city and we went to a museum that I suggested. He instantly complained that he paid almost $100 for us to get in and that it wasn’t worth the money. Fast forward he refused to pay the parking garage fee of $18 so I did. Next he did ANOTHER ORDER in the city which took almost 2 hours. We finally get back to my house and on the way he said he wanted to meet my family. So he did. It seemed like it went well. He left and called me shortly after. We continue talking the next few days. I decided to get a rental vehicle for the week because I currently don’t have a car and I also do DoorDash and multiple delivery apps. He asked me to come 2 hours away and see him. He knows I’m a full time student and I work maybe 20/30 hours a week so obviously I’m not Bill Gates. When I got there I saw him and did a few deliveries while exploring the area. The night ends and he ends up making me book and pay for the hotel room for the night. **I didn’t want to stay at his mom’s house I haven’t met her or Kyle’s son and he wasn’t ready for that either**. He ends up getting a griddle at the store and cooking me steak. While we were at the store he mentioned some kind of toy that his son had wanted.. it was $20 so I said let me buy for him. We go to the next store to get the steak.. I find out later he stole one of the steaks.. THEY WERE $7 EACH!! I do not like people that steal. Anyway steak was good we pass out wake up and start the day. He went to go pick his son up and bring him to school and I worked for a bit. Late afternoon he calls me with his son in the car but I was in his AirPod.. started degrading and complaining about the mother of his child IN FRONT OF HIS SON…. MAJOR TURNOFF. All because he went there to pick up his son’s medicine and she had a man there.. so I said if you’re done with being with her why do you care. He got real quiet. He also lied about when they broke up originally he told me 2 years but it was really a year. I also am one of those social media diggers so I saw that his ex girlfriend took a vacation last April so I asked him when the last time he took a vacation was and he said last April I go oh with your ex girlfriend? He said no with his son.. interesting because they were at the same spot. He also kept ignoring my Facebook friend request so I asked him what he didn’t want me to see and he said nothing. Anyway fast forward it’s late and dark and I can’t see well at night. We get to the hotel and GUESS WHO PAID AGAIN… ME! I end up changing because he wanted to go get dinner at the Chinese food buffet and so did I. Mind you my cousin just got done telling me buffets are cheap and never let a man take me to one. While I’m getting ready he was rushing me and I guess I got an attitude he stood up and got in my face RED FLAG. Anyway we get to the buffet and he’s complaining about the price… it’s $25 per person lol for working multiple jobs and paying no bills he sure cares a lot about money. As we’re sitting there I notice his finger nails FULL OF DIRT. Then I realize he’s in the same outfit… clearly didn’t go home and shower at the start of the day like he said he was. Finally we get back to the room. At this point I’m turned off and want to leave but I already paid and again can’t see well at night. He didn’t shower. He took his sweatshirt off with no shirt underneath. We got into bed next to me and I went to sleep right away. I woke up a little before 4:00 pm and all I smell is cheap grass with tobacco and ARMPIT BO. He went outside for an hour to smoke. We both went back to sleep for a few hours and he leaves to get his mom to work and pick his son up. He son didn’t have school so he was going to figure out what he wanted to do which was great because I was going home anyway lol. He called me because I told him I checked out of the hotel. Apparently he wanted to take his son swimming in the hotel pool? Weird because I didn’t know and haven’t met his son because we BOTH weren’t ready. Anyway I was scrolling through social media and he share stuff about wanting a girl he could buy flowers for lol because he never bought me flowers. He also posted that he has a job offer in the south and will be moving. So I call him. He said he has an interview Monday. I asked if his son was going with him.. no it’s not my business but I wanted to see the type of man his is because as stated he has him almost 7 days a week and he doesn’t like going to his mom’s house. He said he was leaving his son here. So I end talking to him shortly after and I tell him I think we should be friend because he seems like he’s still getting over his ex and plans to move south anyway. He got a little upset and said he’s not stuck on his ex. It gets quiet and he tells me it’s a deal breaker that I have HSV-1 GH. Which would be an acceptable response if It wasn’t when he was kissing me and laying up on me though lol I take antivirals daily and also added L-Lysine to help reduce my risk of passing it to about 1%.. anyway so now he’s trying to flirt with me again and wants to spend more time with me. So I’m confused… AITAH?!!!

I have known someone who we’ll call Ruben for about a year. Before our friendship even reached a whole year, we had a falling out over me choosing to continue my friendships with people who have never been fond of Ruben, leading him to become angry with me and cut me off.

Ruben has been dating a girl who we’ll call Olivia for a few months now, and they have broken up a couple of times in between that time. Their relationship has become something so drama filled that most people in their lives tend to just step to the side and allow it to run its course.

However, a mutual friend of me and Ruben, who we’ll call John, recently told me that he caught Ruben kissing a girl. Not only was this girl not Olivia, she was one of her closest friends. After the pair were caught, they begged John to promise not to tell anyone and explained that they “were only doing this because they liked each other a lot“ even though Ruben still loved Olivia.

After John told me about this, we discussed whether or not we should tell Olivia, since she was really in love with Ruben and we felt really bad, but neither of us felt close enough to her for her to believe us.

So, instead I told a mutual friend of me and Olivia, who we’ll call Riley, explaining that they'd been caught kissing and that John had promised not to tell anyone. I told her because I knew she was close enough to Olivia to bring it up without me having to.

What I didn’t expect is that Riley actually ended up talking to Ruben about it instead. And he, of course, simply got defensive and angry saying that people needed to stop spreading rumors and he loved his girlfriend too much to do anything like that.

He then texted John about it, asking where Riley could’ve heard this. John then got upset at me for telling Riley, saying that I needed to speak to Ruben and fix it by lying and saying that I heard it from someone else.

AITAH?

I (18F) have a close friend (17F) who recently told her parents she’s pregnant and it did not go well at all. They ended up kicking her out the same night after a huge argument.

She called me crying, saying she had nowhere to go and asked if she could stay at my house for a while.

At first I felt really bad and said yes, because I didn’t want her to be on her own in that situation.

But when I asked for details so I could explain it to my parents, she got really defensive and said she didn’t want me telling them she was pregnant. She wanted me to just say she was “staying over because of family issues.”

That’s when I started feeling uncomfortable.

My parents are strict about who stays over, especially without context, and I knew if I hid something that big and they found out later, I’d be in serious trouble. Also, I felt like I was being put in the middle of something I wasn’t supposed to lie about.

So I told her I couldn’t let her stay unless my parents knew the truth.

She got upset and said I was abandoning her when she had nowhere else to go, and that I was making it worse for her by not helping. She ended up leaving and going to another friend’s house instead.

Now she’s not talking to me, and some people are saying I should’ve just “covered for her this one time” because of what she’s going through.

I feel bad because she clearly is going through a lot, but I also didn’t feel right lying to my parents or hiding something that serious.

AITA for refusing unless I could be honest?

I'm going to propose that this current state of affairs regarding boys, men and fathers is not accidental, I'm going to posit that this is actually planned as it stems from a very well known philosophy which in one form resulted in the extermination of over 80 Million Christian faith Russians, Communism or rather Bolshevism.

The Communist Manifesto 1848

Pivotal of 19th Century theory is of course Marx and Engels The Communist Manifesto (1848). The derivative theories of the Frankfurt School pushed the Overton window further. Erich Fromm, Leo Löwenthal and Theodor Adorno’s compatriots employed what would later be termed fourth generation warfare. A war of ideas which saw more stability in the work of Edward Bernays, as the destabilization of Western society gained further ground.

In Komunistka, No. 2, 1920,

The family is withering away not because it is being forcibly destroyed by the state, but because the family is ceasing to be a necessity. The state does not need the family, because the domestic economy is no longer profitable: the family distracts the worker from more useful and productive labour. The members of the family do not need the family either, because the task of bringing up the children which was formerly theirs is passing more and more into the hands of the collective. In place of the old relationship between men and women, a new one is developing: a union of affection and comradeship, a union of two equal members of communist society, both of them free, both of them independent and both of them workers. No more domestic bondage for women. No more inequality within the family. No need for women to fear being left without support and with children to bring up. The woman in communist society no longer depends upon her husband but on her work. It is not in her husband but in her capacity for work that she will find support. She need have no anxiety about her children. The workers’ state will assume responsibility for them. 

The Origin of the Family, Private Property and the State (1884)

"The oppression of women originates with the monogamous family, which imposes on women alone the obligation of fidelity. In turn, the monogamous family originates in order to guarantee the certainty of paternity with a view to the transmission of wealth by inheritance, thus in parallel with the emergence of private property. [...] Only the victory of the class struggle by the proletariat and the establishment of communism can, therefore, result in the emancipation of women."

The leaders of the Russian revolution saw, from the very beginning, in the family, as it existed in the capitalist world, one of the main centers of resistance against the realization of their revolutionary programs: the family presented itself to them as standing between the collectivity and the individual, as founded on private property and the domination of man over woman. The building of the new socialist society therefore demanded the struggle against the old family, against the customs and laws that regulated it, and in this struggle the Russian leaders showed themselves as determined and dogged as ever.

In 1918, a year after the Russian Revolution, divorce was liberalized and equal rights were granted to children born out of wedlock (the only one recognized by the state was civil marriage; religious marriage had only private value). Before the law, women achieved full equality with men. Two years later - in 1920 - abortion was legalized.

________________

In other threads here on MR, the statistics have been posted regarding the offspring of fatherless households does the Capitalist great advances in keeping the class structure; ironicly, because the NeoConservatives (read-arch Fabians) found that these offspring , traumatized as they sought relief in alcohol, cigarettes, promiscuity and every type of distraction. This they were more than willing to provide and profit from, in the Millions of US Dollars, British Pounds and any currency possible, as the ‘good’ (sarc) Nilus text had told them to. Indeed the Ambassador to Russia, Sir. Marsden translated from Sergyei Nilus a text so profane that although it was displayed in the British Museum and is a verified and true text, by the time of the 1920s hearings would occur in Congress and if it were not for the Balfour Declaration and those in Parliament who supported the 1917 Revolution, the horror that followed may have been prevented.

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn delivered a scathing critique of the West in his 1978 Harvard commencement address, titled "A World Split Apart," where he declared that the West had suffered a "decline in courage" and was spiritually weakened by materialism and moral relativism.  He argued that the West, despite its freedom and prosperity, had lost the will to defend its values, becoming "weak and cowardly" in its response to totalitarianism, particularly Soviet aggression. 

He contended that Western society, obsessed with material well-being, had become unwilling to sacrifice for higher ideals. In his view, this moral decay manifested in political passivity, intellectual complacency, and a press that lacked responsibility—labeling ideas with ease and spreading superficial judgments. Solzhenitsyn warned that "no weapons, no matter how powerful, can help the West until it overcomes its loss of willpower."

___

Below are excerpts from the Nilus text which were handed over via espionage during the early 1900s and translations obtained by British Ambassador to Russia, Sir. Marsden at that time.

9. "Our weapons are limitless ambitions, burning greed, merciless vengeance, hatreds and malice. We have fooled, bemused and corrupted the youth of the goyim cattle by rearing them in false principles and theories."

One may extrapolate this to passages on the subversion of education whic hare also included in the text.

13. "We shall distract the brainless heads of the goyim cattle with vain conceptions, fantastic theories, rotten amusements, games, pastimes, filthy passions (porn) etc . . . so they will be unable to use what little intellect our God has given them."

Drugs, idiotic entertainment, sports are all part of the distracitons.

18 "Criminals will be arrested on suspicion and we shall be literally and cruelly merciless"

How about subverting Common Law and Property Rights by removing men from their homes on the slander of an angry spouse?

Please bear with me since English isn’t my first language.
My sister got engaged with her bf and announced it on my birthday at midnight in a family chat. But she couldn’t wish me a happy birthday. Her excuse was that I have her blocked on WhatsApp (will explain later). But whenever she needed something she could text me without a problem on instagram. She then proceeded to send me a DM with an Engagement picture and a lousy happy birthday. Three days or so later.

She now wants to introduce his family to ours and asked me if I would be around so she can arrange everything with my parents. Would I be the asshole if I just didn’t attend?

We never had a relationship at all. Maybe when I was a toddler but since I can remember she would always hate the guts out of me. We are three siblings, she‘s the eldest and I‘m the youngest. I used to idolize her but as years went by that changed cause I could never bring her to like me or to just tolerate me. Our parents were very strict with her and then with my other sibling and I they got more relaxed. When I was around 3 years old I think, my mom had to go back to work. She would leave food for us and we would watch TV till she got back home. I don’t really remember my sister (let’s call her Dolores) ever changing my diaper or bathing me or like really nurturing me and my mom also said that she had never had to like be my actual mom and care for me that way cause my parents were gone for work. And when I started kindergarten my mom would drop me and my middle sister off (let’s call her Arabella) at a friends house. When I grew older (8-13) years old my mom would allow me to go to friends house and this seemed to anger dolores since they weren’t so relaxed when she was my age then. She wold tell my mom that she has to be stricter with me and control and hit me more cause I was getting out of hand. I was being a child. Playing with friends, not very enthusiastic about homework and school, more interested in the worl around me etc. She would go through my phone and when she saw that I was texting with boys from my class she would tell on me and then my mom or dolores would confiscate my phone for a long time. They were harmless chats. I used to cry myself out in some of those chats cause I was very depressed from a young age. My parents weren’t around that much and were struggling with money and my dad was/is an alcoholic and used to fight almost everyday with my mom. It would get very loud and violent sometimes so that my siblings and I had to go between them. They didn’t like that I was talking with my friends about this and my mental Health. I always felt left out at home, like the black sheep, like no one actually cared if I was around or dead. They would then make fun of me and say that I‘m acting like as if I‘m a victim or like as if I were cinderella. That I‘m always telling people how my family mocks me, my appearance etc.

They would tell me stuff like I‘m fat and ugly, that no one will ever love me. That I smell like rodent. That I‘ll never achieve something in life. That I‘m dumb and won’t get a degree in anything and will end up cleaning the bathroom for my friends. My parents and my sisters would make these type of comments.

Whenever we went out to a function my siblings could laugh and do their thing but I had to sit close to my mother and wasn’t allowed to laugh etc. people would compliment my smile and say that I‘m always shining and when they left my mom would tell me to stop smiling and to stop trying to attract men (I was a child, again. All I wanted to do was go to my friends and play with them). Dolores would also stare me down whenever I was talking to a friend who‘s gender was the opposite and then my mom would call me back to her and pinch me and tell me to behave.

On Dolores 25th Birthday we threw her a surprise Birthday Party. One of the guests blurted out that the present she got for her was gotten with her move in mind. She didn’t tell me or my parents about moving out till there were only some weeks left I think. She told me one of the reasons she’s moving out was because of me and my dad.

Some years later when I was in College my mental health declined and I went to a clinic. They would threaten me and tell me they‘ll disown me if I don’t come back. After my stay there I moved back home and then some years later I moved out cause at home things would escalate between my dad and my mom or they would get angry at me for not cleaning my room and always sleeping etc. I would get hit from my mom or my siblings till I moved out some years ago.

I went to therapy for a very long time. My family was against it but I still went. I was never angry with my family or hated them. I was sometimes angry with my dad cause he chose the booze over us. Sometimes I was angry with my mom cause she chose to stay with my dad instead of protecting her and us from him. But I also understand them and realized through therapy that it’s not that easy and not really my decision but also not my responsibility. They couldn’t love me the way I needed it cause they didn’t know it better. They acted the way they were taught to and thought that was the best for us. But I needed affection and appreciation and some encouragement not parents who would hit me cause they got in a fight or someone else stressed them out or something happend and I got the blame for it and my punishment would be getting hit. I know that they were young. Probably didn’t even wanted to have kids and just got married because of pressure and had kids because of the same reason. I‘m visiting them whenever I can and I cook them something new everytime I visit them. I don’t have a lot of money but with the little money I have I buy the freshest ingredients and try to spoil them cause I want them to live their life and try to enjoy it cause it’s never to late… we go on hikes or visit new citirs we‘ve never been to in our country and play games or I ask them about their childhood, family or anything that I feel like they like talking about it.

Back to Dolores. Since I moved out our relationship never got better (we had some meetups which were nice but some days later we always got into a fight). One time we went to a gathering with two of our close family friends and I‘m very close with the little brother. I always looked at him like my own little brother. Before we left to go pick him and his other sibling up I changed my top inside the car real quick since the car was still inside the garage and no one except my both sisters in the front were inside. After we picked them up Dolores later realized that I had something else on and accused me of being a pervert that I changed infront of him and I would take advantage of him etc. That I‘m disgusting for changing infront of him. She never apologized for it and says that I‘m always very close with him and that it’s embarrassing how I behave with him infront of his and our parents. I asked him if I ever made him feel uncomfortable or anything and also asked his sibling. Both of them told me to ignore Dolores since she’s always accusing me of something or is mean to me without really having a reason. I told her that everything else I could manage but her accusing me of doing something to someone I saw as my little brother really hurt me. I always wished for a little sibling that I could love unconditionally and then she comes with comments that I‘m a pedophile etc. when I would never harm or hurt anyone with the intention to do so.

Some years later she invited me over to her place with my bf for dinner. I was surprised and actually very happy about it so we went. at first everything seemed very nice. We talked about different things. Here and there she would make comments about how dirty I was and how dirty my room was but my bf just replied with that he can’t imagine that being the truth since I‘m always cleaning at home and keeping stuff clean. I can’t really relax in a clustered room or with a lot going on. She still made some comments but I didn’t really acknowledge them. I don‘t know what really was the subject but somehow she said something like the lines: oh you could have asked/texted my bf then. I then foolishly made a comment that she told me to not text her bf without her knowing. One time I was alone with our two close family friends and her bf. The two others were talking so her bf and I were having small talk. He asked me what was happening in my life so I told him that I‘m mostly occupied with getting furniture and everything ready for my move. I told him about a cabinet that I really like but didn’t know how to transport it. He asked where it was and told me it was only like one village away from their place. He then said that maybe they could help with it since my sister was also getting some furniture. I told him that maybe I‘ll get back to them about it but I would let dolores know then if I really needed it. Never would I have really gone through with it cause I never asked Dolores for anything. She also never showed interest so why should I have? She then texted me a day later angrily how dare I talk with her bf behind her back and ask him for help. Then at the dinner she said I texted him behind her back etc. things escalated cause she started blaming me for almost everything in our childhood etc. I stayed calm but then she wouldn’t let me speak and was only verbally assaulting me. She then proceeded with grabbing me by my scarf and that’s when I couldn’t keep my calm. I started yelling at her and told her to back off that the times were over where they could just hit me and assault me that I won’t take it anymore. If she was ready to really talk and listen and behave respectfully then I would be ready to talk again and until then she’s dead to me.

She then apologized via Whatsapp some days later but her apology was just something like: I‘m sorry I did most of the things because of our mother and the fucked up way they brought us up. And that I also wasn’t a easy child and always brought shame to them or was stupid and missbehaved etc. That’s not an apology. That’s blaming everything and everyone except yourself for your actions. But yeah I‘m the immature and selfish one. She then proceeded with demanding prove that I didn’t text her bf. Texted even my bf to check my phone cause she’s not crazy and only made a fuss about it cause I texted him. I even started to question myself and checked the chats on Instagram and Whatsapp with my bf next to me. Turns out I was right. I never texted him.

I don’t even want an apology from her just want to fit in and be enough for them. But that‘ll never happen cause she’s in a weird competition with me since I can remember and has her weird complexes. I would go anywhere they would ask me but end up driving home early crying cause she would always insult me or say something about me or my appearance or something I did. I really liked to sing and everyone I knew would compliment me on it. She would tell me to delete covers I‘ve taken where you can see my shoulder or bra STRAP cause I‘m fishing for likes through being a hoe not through talent. She would also tell me to stick with covers instead of trying to write my own songs. I know that she had to suffer a lot in our childhood. I know that my parents weren’t easy on her. I know that she was and is still struggling with mental health. But so was my other sibling and I? So were my parents? I‘m not letting that anger out on them cause I can’t cope with it. I‘m telling her that I never was angry with her or hated her or anything else. It was the total opposite but she still treats me like dog shit. She even respects dog shit more probably.

I‘m really done trying to be accepted when for them it was always just four family members in our family. I have a wonderful but still sometimes difficult relationship with my parents. But they grew up with that mentality and yeah that’s an excuse they could still learn and change and they actually are but still… my siblings grew up with two different cultures and new inputs and would live those new life styles but whenever I wanted to do the same I was punished for it. I‘m done with them cause it just hurts and breaks me more. I know that I wasn’t easy or an angel but still I was a fucking child and a lot of the things were really just physical and verbal abuse that no one deserves. My friends always tell me to never talk or meet with my siblings also my therapist says breaking contact with them would be very understandable but I never wanted that. I just wanted a big happy family that sticks together.

Yesterday she texted me around the evening asking if I would be around on the Xth of y month cause her now fiancés family would come visit our family for the first time and then they would talk about the wedding etc. She gave me time till night yesterday. I didn’t respond yet.

I don’t want to make a big scene etc. but I‘m also really tired of always sticking up for them when they have something but being left out in everything else or being treated like this. So would it be mean or selfish if I didn’t go?

Sorry for writing sooo much… i really hope that it’s understandable and if you have any questions pls let me know. And pls be kind… I‘m really scared of what’s going to be the reaction I get from telling this here…

Today at work one of my coworkers overheard a conversation I was having with another coworker. We were talking about regretting something related to the topic we were discussing, and this coworker chimed in and told me I should “regret the day I was conceived.”

He said it jokingly, but it immediately rubbed me the wrong way.

I responded with something along the lines of, “Joking about someone’s existence is stupid, the fuck?” and then removed myself from the area because I was upset. I went outside for a bit, cried, walked around, and eventually came back in.

For context, I’m one of the leads at work, so I was trying very hard not to escalate the situation. When I came back, I calmly told him to go work in another part of the area because I genuinely didn’t want to be around him after that comment.

Another coworker noticed I was visibly upset and checked on me, and then my supervisor stepped in and sent me to speak with a workplace therapist/counselor. During that conversation I admitted I’ve been under a lot of stress lately involving separation/divorce, kids, finances, health issues, and legal matters, which probably contributed to how hard the comment hit me emotionally.

Now I’m wondering if I overreacted because I don’t think my coworker expected that level of fallout from what he probably viewed as dark humor.

At the same time, I feel like telling someone they should regret being conceived is a pretty awful thing to say at work, joke or not.

AITAH for reacting the way I did and indirectly getting management involved?

[removed]