u/Weak-Pie-3716

I'm 46, never married, no kids. I have two siblings, Vivian (50) and June (40).

Vivian and Stan have a house and 4 kids (Jack, 29 married to Jill23 and just announced they're expecting, Allan26, Calvin23, Ruth20)

June and Justin have w kids (George9, Martha6)

Somehow, along the way, Viv and Stan taught their kids to do absolutely nothing around the house. Or around anybody else's house. When they're at my parents house, her kids will get up after the meal and not help clear the table, as though they have no concept of it. Btw, my BIL, who I detest, won't help clean up unless told to. When they'd show up for a weekend at my parents house, my father would carry in all of their luggage. I used to have to help, until one day I got mad and said, "Stan, if I have to carry in your bags, I'm going to leave." BIL had to do it himself that day, and it ruined his weekend. I write it off to Stan having a father who was a minister, and he grew up in a parsonage, so he never learned to clean or fix anything.

Let me add that my father had to do all of Stan/Viv home repair, because he didn't want them to have to pay someone to do it. Myt father couldn't do it all himself, so I had to help. Over a five year period I did over $10,000 worth of work on the house that I was never paid for. My BIL rewards me by being incredibly terse with us, to the point of rudeness and hostility. On holidays, if we gathered at their home, it was awful. Every time I'd try to speak to my father or mother, he'd bark "WHAT?" at me from across the table. He only stopped when I got fed up on night and barked back, "Stan, I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to my father, and if you yell "what" at me again I am going to leave and not come back." I gave both him and my sister a hard, cold stare.

The last time we were at their home, I spent money to get there, and when I arrived, my parents were unloading food from the car. My mother asked me to bring stuff in, and I said, "You can ask your grandchildren."

I went inside, nobody greeted me, so I went to find my sister. We were talking, and Martha walked up to me and said, "Uncle Jeff, Gram wants you outside." I told her to go ask why, and she came running back and said, "Gram says to get your butt outside and help bring in the bags." I said, "Go tell your grandmother that she has 6 lovely grandchildren who can help, not to mention her son in law, and they can learn to do for others."

Marth came back and said, "Gram says she want you to...." and before she could finish, I said, "Marth, you can go play outside, go have a good time." I, of course, did nothing. Somehow, my mother brought in everything.

Soon, Dad came in, moved his face inches from mine and tried to ask me if I said hello to Vivian. I politely said, "Get out of my face please." Then I added, "By the way, that's none of your business."

My BIL's elderly father showed up, and nobody would help him with his jacket or anything. My father pointed to him and said, "Jeff, go help him....." and I said, "Taking care of the host's father is a job for the host, or his children. Let them learn to do for others."

When it came time for lunch, my mother got too close, put her arm around me, and in a whisper, said, "Here sweety, you can sit next to me." I whispered back, "This is not your home," and sat where I liked. My nephew said, "Jill is sitting there" (she wasn't) and I said, "She can sit on that side of you." He looked like he didn't know what to do. Soon after, I switched seats with BIL's father, because they'd given him a folding chair that was unstable under his weight (trust them to ignore the old guy.)

Throughout the meal, my mother wretched and whined that I wasn't eating enough (I'm on a salt-free diet and have no need to tell anyone). She kept pointing out what I wasn't eating. Until I said, "Ma, do you need something to do?"

I was speaking to my nephew about his new job in a science lab, and my father, feeling left out, kept trying to interrupt and butt in, even though he couldn't follow the conversation. He's a very jealous man, and if he sees me getting attention, he demands I share it with him.

BIL's father wanted some ice, and his wife was getting tired, so I got up to get it. When I sat down again, Jill needed something, and my mother said, "Jeff, go get her the..."

I interrupted with, "She can get it herself."

My mother looked at me with a puzzled squint, and said, "Is something wrong."

"No," and I went back to talking to Allan.

Then she went, "What's wrong? Are you okay? You have a big chip on your shoulder."

I said, "Mother dear, God gave us such a beautiful day, let us rejoice. We should not be having argument and strife." I said it wis a big toothy smile.

"Don't give me that, you've been avoiding me all day, and every time I ask you to....."

"Mother, why ask me, when you have your grandchildren to help you. Look at Ruth, she'd such a big girl now, and I bet she'd love it if you asked her to pitch in."

We had a few more incidents of "No, that's a job for the host's children," and in the piece de resistance, I said, "No, if Jill needs help getting up, let Jack help. he can show everyone what a big boy he is. And by the way, after doing $10,000 worth of unpaid work on this home, I don't owe anyone here anything."

Btw, I don't know why my mother told me to help Jill get up, when she doesn't touch male non-relatives.

I ruined the lunch, and everyone left feeling unhappy.

Am I really a terrible guy?