AITA for expecting my daughter’s boyfriend to contribute financially and respect my house rules?
Me (49f) Im going thru a divorce i just moved into my new house with my 2 daughters and after 2 months of living here my daughter (18f) wanted her bf (20m)to come stay for a month, i said that was too long and he can stay for 2 weeks but she threw a fit and i gave in. Day 3 of him being here I had a conversation about money since I’m living on little income and money is tight….
I said “I’m on the struggle bus and you’re another mouth to feed and I don’t want you to take advantage of me and I don’t wanna take advantage of you” so he said “sure how much money do you want me to pay?” And I said “whatever you think is fair” and he said “okay how about $10 or $5 a plate” and I said “you think $5 is enough” and he said “if you’re making home cooked meals that should be plenty?” And I said “I’m gonna have to think about that, I don’t think that’s gonna cut it” Well the conversation ended and I guess they heard me get upset when they closed the door and my other daughters were on the phone and said I was being rude so I just said forget about it I’ll just make cheaper meals and now there’s been tension every since
A week and a half pass and I go upstairs and the doors shut and locked I knock and open the door and I said to both my daughter and her bf “i asked y’all to keep the door open and that’s a rule I set in my home” and he said “sure okay” well i go back up there days later and the door is shut again and he opens it walking out, and at this point I’m pissed off I say “why is the door shut? Didn’t I say leave it open, why do y’all think y’all don’t have to listen to me?” And there’s all kinds of excuses on why it was shut I say “at your mom’s house do you get to shut the door?” And he says “yes my mom has a level of trust with me so it’s not a problem” and i say “well in my home this is what i expect”
Also a little context he’s been going into my daughter‘s room at 4:50AM to work in there on the computer when in the guest room he’s staying at. It’s small but has a office space
I say “also I think it’s a little creepy that you go into my daughters room at 4am while she’s sleeping” and he says “how’s that creepy” and I said “well you can sit in there and watch her sleep I don’t know” and he laughs
Later that day I go to my other daughters house and they think I’m being rude as hell and they say I need to break the tension and be an adult and have a conversation with them about boundaries etc. they told me he’s been scared to eat and have been feeling uncomfortable, so I go back later that evening to have the conversation
My daughter already has an attitude from earlier and I tell them to come downstairs I want to have a conversation with both of them. He asks “what for?” And I say “well I want y’all to sit down and talk to you both….what’s the issue and why do y’all have a problem?” my daughter continues to tell me about how I’ve been making faces and been passive aggressive and been rude about the money situation. I say “ well I had a conversation with you before he came down about the money and she said no I didn’t, which I did.” He says “ well why couldn’t you have a conversation with me and when we did have a conversation we never came up with a price, how much did you expect me to pay?” And I said “ I think $100-$120 a week” since he’s eating my food and washing clothes and taking showers and staying at my home using my wifi for his job… he says “ he don’t even spend that much on himself regularly when he’s at home” I said “I know you don’t” because I know he’s very cheap
(Also he said he spent $200 on DoorDash supposedly)
he continues to say “ I think from now on I’ll just buy my own groceries and make my own food if you could just take me to Aldi‘s since I don’t have my car with me” and I said “ no I’m not doing that because that’s separate food in my fridge and I work in my kitchen and it’s small already” and I continue to say “ i’m not even concerned about the money at this point it’s the disrespect with closing the door” and he says I’m gonna go get a glass of water my throat’s dry and comes back into the room and turns my ceiling fan off, and I say “ that was on for a reason why’d you turn that off” he says “ I was cold” (he’s usually walking around in a blanket so that just ticked me off) I say “ OK let’s turn off the fan because he’s cold ” and my daughter says “ Okay I’m not talking anymore” and they both go upstairs
Now my other daughters are telling me I’m being rude which I may be rude because I’m already annoyed, but I don’t see that I’m in the wrong… what do y’all think? AITA because I don’t think so…I think he’s the Now my other daughters are telling me I’m being rude which I may be rude because I’m already annoyed, but I don’t see that I’m in the wrong… what do y’all think? AITA I think he’s the problem because he’s disrespectful and thinks he could do whatever he wants in my home
Edit : he’s not living with us / moving in he just came to visit my daughter
He makes $24 an hour and has a remote job and is very strict with his money. He literally has an app that he puts every dollar he spends on it to track it. Including everything he spends on my daughter in a separate folder
I think he’s been very cheap and I feel like he’s controlling with his money