I chose not to get an engagement ring and my wedding ring was 20 bucks from Amazon, so I'm just going to toss it.

What did you all do?

My STBXH wants to get divorce and he is already looking for houses and created an excel with finances who gets what. He scheduled for a mediation and I am still in denial, trying to process, should I continue with mediation or get a lawyer. We have 2 boys 11 and 7 year old. He said if I get a lawyer that means it is going to contentious. I do not have any family and friends to discuss it.

Ok, would you get a divorce if your spouse kept lying about small things? For example, your spouse tells you he or she will clean the room but never does, and this has been going on for years. Another example is when your spouse says, "Ok, I'll help clean the brand-new car we got," but only does it after you bring it up or ask about it. Another example is when your spouse repeatedly promises to keep a secret but then tells family members anyway, and this has happened numerous times. There are more examples, but what would you do?

Wife a few weeks back filed a false TPO against me. She says I did some serious DV. She tried to get me arrested but the police report says there is no evidence of what she is describing.

I got a lawyer the same day, she filled a TPO 4 days after my attorney tried to contact her. She also alleges a past incident, but I have that on recording. She is extremely violent on the recording. She threatens me with death while the baby is crying. I have TPO court soon. Any advice?

TLDR: How do you deal with the guilt of initiating divorce when the relationship, “isn’t that bad” compared to others? Especially when children are involved.
No abuse, no violence, no infidelity - just emptiness.

Background:

To the outside world, my(35) husband (40) is the whole package - smart, kind, good job, good looking, etc. He’s a great friend, but I just feel as though he isn’t right for me.

Ever since our child was born, our marriage has tanked. The imbalance of household chores and parental duties became evident. Not uncommon.

But my biggest issue is with the emotional connection - or lack thereof.

My husband never wanted to get married or have kids. I did. He changed his mind. We got married. But as the relationship progressed, it has become clear to me that he didn’t get married because he WANTED the same goal as I did (marriage, kids, etc). To me, it seems as though he got married because he didn’t want to lose me.

It feels like I have to drag him along to keep progressing in the relationship. There’s no initiative on his part. I’m the driver, he’s the passenger. It’s like being on your dream vacation with a moody-bad attitude-teenager that’s just moping along.

We’ve done marriage counseling. My husband will say the textbook “right answers.” But the words seem empty. I know the therapist can tell - just based on the push back.

I know he loves me - in his own way. And I feel enormous guilt, because I know that my little one will be impacted the most if I initiate divorce. Part of me feels like I should just suck it up and deal with it for the sake of my little one. My therapist says that’s not the best idea. I just want everyone to be happy - my little one, my husband, and myself.

Watch it Burn, Katy Perry’s new single about getting over a toxic relationship, is a v catchy and cathartic song for the recently divorced/separated. any other song recommendations?

Made the decision months ago and spent the last 8-10 weeks talking to different attorneys to determine best course of action. Filing the petition this week. We have a summer vacation, just me and the kids that's been planned for months. She's going to be notified while I am hundreds of miles away so that I can keep her behavior and inevitable explosions far away from the kids.

Since the time I have made this decision, she has belittled and insulted me in front of my children, called me a shitty parent in front of them, insulted and screamed at the kids so violently that they burst into tears while she berated them into a literal corner, sent me insulting Facebook reels about how I need to be earning her respect, and been messaging her personal trainer (which she spent my money on) in completely inappropriate ways about how she wants to put her hands all over him. I don't know if they're actually hooking up, and frankly, I don't really care at this point.

I am disgusted and worn out, and it's been like this for years. All I feel at this stage is relief for what's to come.

Everywhere I go. I was just at Home Depot and it reminded me of when we went looking at paint to get the colors right for our first house together and what that whole process was like. Similar this weekend when I was on a trip to a place we’ve been together. How do you deal with this?

Life After Divorce
I was married for 23 years.
I’m 45 years old, a mom to three incredible boys, and I’ve spent the last 11 years behind a salon chair as a hairstylist and small business owner.
On February 4th my divorce became official.
I thought that would be the hardest day of my life.
It wasn’t.
The months after were.
No one prepares you for waking up one morning and realizing…
“Now what?”
It’s terrifying.
You’re grieving someone who’s still alive.
You’re grieving the future you planned.
You’re grieving the version of yourself that kept believing things would eventually get better.
Here’s what I wish someone would’ve told me years ago.
If something feels off…
pay attention.
Your intuition isn’t there to torture you.
It’s there to protect you.
If you have to ask the same question over and over because you never get a real answer…
pay attention.
If every difficult conversation somehow becomes your fault because you brought it up…
pay attention.
If your partner walks away every time you try to solve a problem…
pay attention.
Communication shouldn’t feel like begging.
Love shouldn’t feel like detective work.
Looking back now, I realize I spent years explaining away behavior that should’ve stopped me in my tracks.
I kept thinking…
“If I love harder…maybe things will change.”
So I gave.
And gave.
And gave.
I carried the house.
The kids.
The mental load.
The emotions.
The finances.
The planning.
The forgiving.
I kept pouring into someone while slowly becoming empty myself.
I didn’t lose myself overnight.
I lost myself one compromise at a time.
One excuse at a time.
One unanswered question at a time.
One “it’s probably nothing” at a time.
Eventually I wasn’t asking,
“Why is this happening?”
I was asking,
“Is this really all I’m worth?”
That’s what broke me.
Not one argument.
Not one mistake.
Years of feeling unseen.
Years of feeling unheard.
Years of convincing myself that crumbs were enough because I loved the person handing them to me.
One of the hardest truths I’ve learned is this:
You cannot love someone into loving you the way you deserve.
You can’t communicate enough for two people.
You can’t fix someone who doesn’t think there’s anything to fix.
You can’t make someone choose you.
And you definitely can’t sacrifice your own mental health hoping they’ll suddenly appreciate everything you’ve done.
Divorce cost me almost everything.
My identity.
My routine.
My home.
My certainty.
Financial security.
The life I thought I’d have forever.
But do you know what it gave me?
Peace.
Not immediately.
Peace is something I’ve had to fight for every single day.
Some days are still messy.
My refrigerator breaks.
My dryer decides to test my patience.
Life keeps life-ing.
I still don’t have every answer.
But I no longer wake up wondering if I’m enough.
That’s freedom.
People ask me if divorce gets easier.
Here’s my answer.
No.
You get stronger.
You stop waiting for apologies that may never come.
You stop trying to convince someone to see your value.
You stop explaining why basic respect matters.
One day you realize…
You don’t need closure from someone who never understood the damage they caused.
You become your own closure.
If you’re reading this and you’re in a relationship where…
• you’re afraid to bring up money…
• you’re scared to ask questions…
• every disagreement somehow becomes your fault…
• you’re constantly begging for communication…
• you’re exhausted from carrying everything…
• you’re questioning your own reality…
Please don’t ignore that.
Financial abuse is real.
Emotional neglect is real.
Constant disrespect changes you.
You deserve conversations.
You deserve honesty.
You deserve consistency.
You deserve peace.
Today, if you asked me what my biggest lesson was after 23 years of marriage, I’d tell you this:
People don’t just tell you who they are.
They show you.
Believe the pattern.
Not the promises.
Today I’m rebuilding my life from scratch.
It’s scary.
It’s uncomfortable.
Some days I still cry.
Some days I laugh so hard I can’t breathe because I finally recognize the woman I’ve been trying to find for years.
She’s coming back.
Little by little.
If my story helps even one person choose themselves sooner than I did…
Then every tear was worth it.
Divorcing him cost me everything.
But saving myself was worth every single penny.
❤️

It was on May 16 he left me. He filed about a week later and today it was finalized. I feel sick to my core.

I’m looking for honest opinions, especially from people who have been divorced or have dated after divorce.
My divorce has been in progress for several months. We went through mediation, and the only reason it hasn’t been finalized yet is because we’re still working through the final paperwork and financial details. As far as I know, the marriage itself is over, and there is no chance of reconciliation.
During this process, I’ve tried to focus on becoming a healthier person rather than immediately jumping into dating.

I’ve:
• Been consistently attending individual therapy.
• Joined a men’s Bible study and church community.
• Went to marriage counseling by myself after my wife declined to attend despite multiple invitations.
• Spent months reflecting on my own mistakes and learning healthier communication and relationship skills.
• Stayed involved in church.
• Accepted responsibility for the things I could have done better.

We also have a young daughter together, so my ex-wife and I will always have a co-parenting relationship. At this point, that’s how I view our relationship. We communicate about our daughter, but emotionally I’ve accepted that our marriage is over.

Recently, I met someone and we’ve been on one date. It went really well, and we have a second date planned. I’m enjoying getting to know her, but I also don’t want to make unhealthy decisions.

I don’t feel like I’m trying to replace my ex-wife or avoid grieving. I actually started grieving months ago during our separation, long before the legal process reached this stage.

So my question is:
Do you think it’s unhealthy to start dating before the divorce paperwork is officially signed if you’ve genuinely done the emotional work and accepted that the marriage is over?

I’d appreciate honest feedback, even if it’s something I may not want to hear.

I have been divorced for a while now and only recently felt emotionally ready to start meeting people again. Everyone around me suggested dating apps, saying that's how people meet these days. So I gave them a try.

Maybe it's just my experience, but I feel completely out of place.

Most profiles seem to be in their mid 20s, figuring things out or looking for something casual. The people closer to my age often seem emotionally unavailable, recently separated or unsure of what they want. And the moment I mention that I'm divorced, I can almost feel the conversation change.

Sometimes I wonder if I am expecting too much. I don't want to rush into another marriage, but I also don't want endless chatting that goes nowhere. I am looking for someone who understands what it means to rebuild life after a failed marriage.

The strange part is that after a divorce, you usually know yourself better. You know your boundaries, what matters, and what doesn't. But somehow, dating feels harder than it did in my 20s

Has anyone else in their 30s felt this?

Where did you actually meet people after divorce? Did dating apps eventually work for you, or did you find better luck somewhere else?

Does it get easier or is this just what dating in your 30s after divorce looks like?

So I (40m) and my STBX (37f) have been separated since this fall. It started with a stupid argument. We were together for over 15 years. After having two kids those little arguments blew up into more. I was made to believe it was my fault. She told me she wasn't happy and I'm not the person she fell in love with. Turns out...there was someone else. I figured it out after about a month. I shut down. I told her I knew and I was done. I can never trust her again. The last 4 months have been pure gaslighting. She tried to control me. The breaking point...I finally met someone. Her response...I can't believe there is someone else that would make you happy. I can't believe you won't be the person I need you to be for me to make you happy. She's using our kids as pawns. She hates that I'm happy. She still needs my help because she can't provide for our kids when she has them. What do I do? How do I continue to respect her as a mother who I need to help support our children while knowing how controlling and disloyal she is? When she needs money how do I trust that it's for my kids?

My question: For divorced parents (especially those with teenage daughters), is it healthy for children to effectively have veto power over whether a parent dates or pursues a serious relationship? Or is the healthier approach for the parent to make that decision while helping the children adjust over time?

Why I’m asking:
I’m a 41F, never married and no children, dating a divorced father with full custody of his children.
One of the things I admire about him is how devoted he is as a father. We’ve spent a lot of time getting to know each other, and we both see genuine long-term potential. 💕

Recently, though, after realizing how much potential we have together, he became very anxious about telling his children that he wants to start dating again. He’s not introducing me to them; he’s only planning to tell them that he’d like to start dating in general. It’s been 4 years since the divorce and they don’t want him to get back with their mom but they’ve also never talked about him remarrying. He wants me to be a part of their life and I want the same, as much as they’d like. He’s devastated that his kids never got to have a healthy relationship with their mom.

In a vulnerable conversation, he told me to “protect my heart” because if his children (especially his teenage daughter) don’t handle it well, he doesn’t think he’ll be able to move forward. 🥲. He is worried they will feel scared of losing him once he falls in love, as he’s all they feel they have (due to estrangement of their mother).

His oldest daughter became very close to him after the separation and has taken on a lot of responsibility within the family. I completely understand why she’s protective of him, and I genuinely admire how much he loves his kids. I’m not looking for anyone to criticize him.

What I’m trying to understand is whether this is a normal, difficult transition that many divorced families work through, or whether it’s usually a sign that the parent isn’t emotionally ready to build a new relationship yet.

I’m asking because I don’t want to become more emotionally invested if people who’ve lived this experience would say this is a situation that’s unlikely to work. I’d especially appreciate hearing from divorced parents, adult children of divorce, or stepparents who have been through something similar.

I really need someone to talk to. My stbxh and I had it all. Now he decides he doesn't want to be married anymore. We were trying for a baby. All of our friends are having kids. I feel so left behind. I am struggling so much. I just want my life back. My stbxh has stopped responding to my texts. I have to text the crisis hotline number just to get constant interactions. My family and friends are too busy and are tired of hearing me cry about him. It has only been 20 days since he said he wanted a divorce. We sign the final paperwork for the divorce next Saturday. After that, it will be over. 12 years down the drain. I feel like I am dying and he just doesn't care. Everyone is moving forward. Everyone else picked a partner that is willing to build a future with them. I picked wrong and it hurts.

Men who offer little to no sex, starving their female partner, what’s your reason??? I (28F) and my husband (33M) has a dead bedroom basically!! It’s a rare event in this marriage and is not at all good. Everything happens on his terns and he never initiates! Even if i initiate, he rejects me! He only wants oral just for himself most of the time! I don’t know the what the reason is till now! I started talking to him once and all he did was to lash out. Could someone help me figure out what’s happening?? I built so much resentment towards him in less than 2 years of this marriage… things were different before we got married fyi. He would drive 1.5 hours just for a kiss and now, i can’t even remember the last time we had a good kiss, no physical affection! I don’t feel loved or desired in this marriage.

I have been married to my husband for 6 years. We have 2 small children. 4 and 1. I have been unhappy for years. I feel emotionally unsafe here and I’ve been clocked out for years. I hate the version of myself I have become. I’m always angry or irritated. I’m AlWAYS stressed by habits he can’t shake. I just want to feel at peace. I’m not in love with him anymore….

For some reason I feel like I can’t let go. The reality hits me and it sucks. I feel like the worst mom in the world. Like I’m just turning away from regular marriage problems but then I tell myself marriages are work but shouldn’t be this hard. I’m so afraid of breaking apart my family but we are roommates now.

Any and all advice are so needed. I’m drowning everyday in the decision to stay or to leave.

I’ve been trying so hard to be ok for the sake of my kids. My focus has been regulating. In general. Everything. Regulating. It has been near impossible for me while I have to live under the same roof for the time being. But I’ve doing my best.

Today he bailed on his daytime plans with the kids, and pulled some bs excuse out his ass. Regardless, I was sticking with the plans that the kids and I made together. And stuck we did. Even with the rain and even with the closure of the one thing they were most excited for.

As soon as we get situated and events were about to begin, one of my kids starts bawling. I was caught off guard because I had never seen a reaction like that before out of them. I literally thought they watched someone get murdered behind us or.. I don’t even know.

It was their dad. As well as his lovely date.. sitting only a few rows behind us. It took him a sec but he did eventually meet our eyes. I gave him a sarcastic little wave then pointed, mouthing to him that they were crying. He nodded? Ultimately they wanted to leave so that’s what we did. We ended up doing little firecrackers in the driveway, though everyone’s spirits were noticeably low.

I’m so hurt. His decision to leave completely blindsided me. I’ve been struggling to keep my head above water as it is. And also trying to accept what is happening.

But seeing my kids react like that caused me legit physical pain. Shits not fair to them. They don’t deserve this. And I don’t know how to make it better. He hasn’t texted my oldest and still isn’t home from his festivities. I’m not even sure how he’s going to react to all of this. So I’m in panic mode with no family support and no one to talk to. I feel like I’ve truly lost it yo.

Here we are in another holiday. July 4th. Im wishing peace and happiness to all those who are alone or suffering today. Holidays suck.

My divorce is fresh and, for me, it’s going to take some time before holidays become something to look forward to again. My one wish is for random people making small talk to stop asking “So what are your plans for the holiday?”

Hair stylists, cashiers, co-workers. They all invariably ask that question and this year my real answer is that I’ll be alone. But instead, I make up something vague. “Going to visit some family…” or something like that. I’m embarrassed and I don’t want the pity.

Holidays suck. Everyone is in a different situation. Some people have no family at all. Why do we have to ask strangers questions like that?!

My husband the father of my 4 children is the most selfish person I have ever known. He was my first everything and after 30 years I’m done. I don’t know how to go about divorcing him, If I can pay the mortgage on my own, will the kids resent me in the long run? This has been a loveless, under-appreciated, sexless, unfulfilled, unhappy relationship and I’m done. At 53 years old I should be having the time of our lives, (he’s 65) instead I’m miserable and lonely. The only bright spots are my children.