Me [31 M] and my sister [28 F] are having a tough time navigating our patents [63 M & 60F] divorce
My parents are going on their first year of divorce and I feel conflicted about some things I feel I can't really share with people around me.
A bit of backstory that might help set the stage for the why and how.
I left home when I was around 20 and moved about 1 and a half hour away with my then girlfriend in pursuit of higher education after earning a vocational degree. During this time, my sister got into acting and performance art for her education.
I have always had some problem with being social and I wasn't that good at keeping contact with my parents and family at home, but I would get visits and we would visit them maybe 5 to 8 times a year.
As I was nearing the end of my new education run, my sister announced she would move to a neighbouring country for her master degree, leaving our parents as empty nesters, though they still cared for two cats and a dog.
Long story shortened, I finish my education, my girlfriend becomes my fiancé and now my wife, I end up taking some crapy job due to COVID still going, my sister finishing her master and finding someone and deciding to stay in that country.
Fast forward further to 2 years ago, I learn that my sister who visits home when she can as been put in the middle of fights and arguments between our parents, our dad struggling with pain from surgery and our mom growing restless at home. I come to find out they managed to bottle up their issues as long as one of us lived at home, but it all came boiling to the surface once me and my sister left home.
I feel guilty for not having done or even known how bad it was for my sister, basically being put in the middle of this and wished I could have done more, but I think I couldn't have done much either.
Nevertheless, our mom moved out and they ended up divorcing, she stating she couldn’t take being his emotional punching bag and him feeling blindsighted by it. At the time, I was shocked as I always saw my parents marriage as a decent one up until the divorce. My sister has been an ear piece to both and has started putting clear lines about them gossiping to her about the other up until the divorce
The bigger issue came 4 months later when our mom announces she is seeing someone. Our mom have always been a biker, not anything special, just enjoying long bike rides when she could. She had apparently met and talked to this new guys for for a couple of years (our dad had suspicions of cheating, but mom has denied this)
As much as I don't think or wish our mom would cheat on our dad, I must say I feel some resentment for her seemingly moving on so fast with this new guy. She did something similar when they lost a dog and within 2 months, she wished to get a new one. I feel like she moves on too quickly, but that might just be me.
Our mom has been hounding both me and my sister to accept her new boyfriend, to meet his kids and so on. A few weeks ago, she officially quit her job and is moving in with him (I think) which is fairly close to me and my wife. I have little interest to meet her boyfriend's family to be honest, her moving on so quickly and the constant asking for us to meet and accept him as a part of her life is difficult and feels so pushy by her, as if it should be a small hurdle that should have been past long ago.
My sister has no love for our mom or her new boyfriend, her sparse trips home has her now wanting to avoid our mom and honestly, I don't blame her.
On the other side, our dad has been busy with building and relying on friends and family for emotional support. For me, I received a generic text maybe once a month. I felt that he didn't want to talk to me while our mom over shared and asked too much, a dynamic they've always had but amplified since they split.
I have taken contact with our dad and told him recently I wish for more contact with him, not just simple text but calls or even an invitation to come visit as previously, he had been busy for when I was close by and asked. It might slowly get better, but that's where we are now.
I guess I just feel resentment towards our mom for moving on so quickly with someone and pushing me and my sister to accept him and mourning the lack of contact from my stoic dad. I felt like we were a solid family but now, the four of us are so spread out and separated, I feel like I've lost the feeling of family that was so important growing up.
TL:DR; parents marriage fell apart after both me and sister moved out, sister became the ear piece for both despite barely being home, mom moved on too quick for me and my sister's comfort, dad shut himself away until recently and I mourn the sense of family we once were, despite being in my 30s.