u/Double_Concept_3801

Is My Marriage Done?

I honestly don't know if my marriage is salvageable anymore, and I'm looking for some outside perspective.

My husband and I fight constantly. We both name-call, and our arguments can get really ugly. I know I'm not innocent in that, and I take responsibility for my part.

But I'm also completely exhausted and resentful. He doesn't really help with the kids or the household chores. He spends a lot of his free time in his room playing video games, while I feel like I'm carrying most of the responsibilities.

There's also a huge disconnect between us emotionally and physically. He has told me that he's not willing to be more emotionally supportive of me unless I commit to being intimate with him 3–4 times a week. He sees physical intimacy as something he needs in order to feel connected and supported.

The problem is that I'm so stressed, overwhelmed, and hurt by the state of our relationship that I have basically zero sex drive. It's hard for me to want physical intimacy when I don't feel emotionally safe, supported, or connected.

I understand that intimacy is important in a marriage, and I'm not trying to dismiss his needs. But I also don't know how I'm supposed to manufacture a sex drive when I'm exhausted and feeling resentful.

At this point, I'm wondering if we're stuck in a cycle where he feels rejected, I feel pressured, I withdraw more, he becomes more resentful, and we fight even more.

Is this something that can actually be fixed?

Have any of you come back from a marriage that was this disconnected and resentful? What actually helped? I'm trying to figure out whether there's something worth fighting for here or whether we're just hurting each other at this point.

Tl;dr bullet points

Husband and I fight constantly.

We both name-call and say hurtful things

.

I feel exhausted and overwhelmed by childcare and household responsibilities.

He spends a lot of time in his room playing video games and doesn't help much.

He says he won't be emotionally supportive unless I commit to sex 3–4 times a week.

I'm so stressed, hurt, and resentful that I have essentially no sex drive.

I feel like we're stuck in a cycle of resentment, pressure, rejection, and fighting.

I take responsibility for my part, but I don't know how much more I can handle.

Is this marriage fixable, or are we just hurting each other at this point?

Has anyone had a "in home divorce" basically? We can't afford a divorce, 2 apartment and child care but we are miserable. I was thinking of turning my gym in the basement into a bedroom and living in there and then basically have a typical parenting schedule and do life separate etc...

Has anyone tried this? Did it work? Did it fail?

AITA- my husband and I have married for 17 years and if I'm being honest we've been unhappy for the last 10. We have 3 kids, so I stay home, I do 99% of all the household duties and take care of the kids, my husband goes to work and occasionally will help with chores. When he does help, he puts in minimal effort, takes DAYS to complete the task, and generally complains. So this morning I asked him to be more careful when putting away the dishes to make sure they got clean. I ask him to help with the dishes about once a week. He then proceeded in a rude voice to say "it's not my responsibility to make sure they're clean- the person loading the dishwasher should make sure they're clean before they go in." I snapped back "dont even bother then if you're just going to be mean about it." He then proceeded to scream at me about how I dont appreciate him, im lazy, I dont do anything around the house and he does everything because he put the kids to bed last night while I was gone for 2 hours bc my friends gifted me getting my nails done. I haven't gotten my hair cut or nails done in years bc money is tight, I couldn't go during the day bc the kids were home, and he very rarely babysits his kids at night. Mind you before I left- I fed them dinner, laid out the kids

PJs l, made sure they were ready for the morning, all he had to do was brush teeth

And put them bed (they're 10, 7 and 5 so

Not babies). Basically it ended with him telling me Im ungrateful bitch who doesn't appreciate him....so AITA for asking my husband to not put away dirty dishes.

My parents won't watch my kids, because "it wasn't their choice to have more children and they already raised their children"

My husband has made it very clear im not allowed to ask his parents to watch our kids bc they're his parents and if they are going to watch our kids he should be going out and doing something fun not me.

We can't afford a babysitter.

I don't want to burden my friends with watching 3 kids so I can get things done.

For everyone who will comment I need a divorce- yes I know!! But I simply don't have the money or the support for that to be feasible.