r/marriageadvice

My husband and I have been married for almost 25 years. We met while he was going through training at a military base. I was recently divorced. It was a whirlwind relationship and I got pregnant. We got engaged, I miscarried but he stuck by me. I always felt second in our relationship. I could tell my husband had his heart in another place. He was in a relationship before me and they never really broke up. They were both in the military and their assignments took them places that didn't align. I had NO idea how much this would effect my life 25 years later. I got pregnant again quickly. We got married. I have been a SAHM for all these years. Our kids are still living with us (23f) and (21m).

I have a lot of anxiety and self esteem issues I wish I worked through during our marriage. I have put a tracker on my husband's phone without his knowledge, when he found out I told him it was to keep the entire family in contact (kids were just getting their licenses), he didn't seem to care. I was truly worried but deep down. I always thought my husband would find his way back to "her". My husband and his previous partner are from the same area in the country and she moved back around the same time we had. It sounds like she had a great relationship with his family. My mother and sister in law both visited her when she and her family were in the same location where my sister in law lives (touristy area). It killed me to hear how great she was and how wonderful her family is. I thought my husband was still in touch with her. I checked his emails and text messages and I found a draft email a few years old to this woman professing his love for her and that she was his "soulmate". I had a breakdown. My husband never sent the email. I sent an email to this woman to leave my husband alone and I never heard from her. It's been eight years since that happened.

The last two years I've felt my husband pulling away more. I secretly went on GLP-1 and lost a ton of weight and got myself back to where I was when we first met. It cost a fortune. He never knew because I handle all of the finances. I acknowledge I have a spending problem but I attribute it to my anxiety. I tried therapy and it hasn't worked. I wanted marriage therapy for both of us but he's so shut down he is doing it on his own.

I guess I should also mention that I did have an affair when our children were young. He stuck by me. But I do feel that he had this emotional pull from this other woman, I never felt I had all of him and his love. He never raised his voice to me. I acknowledge that I haven't been fair to him or his family. He seems so done with me and I know what I've lost. I guess my question is, how could I possibly try to get him back if he's unwilling to try marriage counseling or he refuses me when. I try to show affection. I know I'm flawed. I know I didn't treat him well. I have so much regret. My kids keep asking me why we're splitting and I can't tell them the truth because truthfully, I'm ashamed. I hate myself for not appreciating what I had all along. I hate that my husband always loved another woman more and I could never be his person. I hate that over half my life was spent with him and I never did more. I guess this is more of a vent. Thank you for listening.

tldr: My husband loved another woman all of our marriage. He now wants a divorce after 24 years of marriage. I know I made mistakes and I hate myself for them. I am still resentful of my husband's love for this other woman he spent time with over 30 years ago. Is there anyway to get him back? He seems so done with me.

TL;DR: husband and I are financially incompatible - divorce? What, if anything, can help?!

My husband of 12 years really is terrible with money. I was pregnant with our oldest (we now have 3 boys ages 12, 10, and 6), and he didn’t open his mail. So, he got a wage garnishment due to not paying his student loans. It took half his monthly salary. And I was trapped at home with our babies living in a nice home but in a dilapidated rust belt town with limited resources, terrible childcare options, one car, and no ability to get a job. I stressed about getting groceries and diapers for our baby boys. It took him a year before he was able to get the garnishment stopped and somewhat under control. We worked through it and were eventually able to buy a house in that town and another car. We were able to get a couple of credit cards and actually had a nice chunk of money in our savings account. It felt great! We tried for a third and as soon as we found out we were pregnant again, the pandemic struck. Had our baby, who was and still is an absolute joy! Then 6 months later, when he was 41, we discovered that he had a large aortic aneurysm in his heart. He underwent open heart surgery. And then we decided we needed to move out of our home and the town we didn’t really love and so I could have more opportunities to get a well-paying job with health insurance in case something terrible happened with his health…so we moved out of state. It was hard. We couldn’t afford to buy a new home in the place we moved to. So we’re renting now and have been for 4 years. The move wasn’t fully reimbursed by his new job, so we put the expense for Pods on my credit card and used another one of my credit cards for other expenses - they were not joint credit card accounts - just in my name. And he had some other credit cards he was using too. The cost of living in our new area is about twice as much as our old town…and our boys are older now and want certain shoes and to participate in extra curricular activities. But, we cashed out his retirement account when we moved here in the thought that it would help us pay off our credit card debt ( it was about $27,000 after the fees that we had available to us). Unbeknownst to me, he did not disclose that on our taxes for that year (2022). So last year, we get hit with a $16,000 bill from the IRS and this year we got hit with a $6,000 bill from the state. So I stopped paying my two credit card bills that were in my name only so that I could get the tax lien off of our record. After about 3 months, the state tax lien was satisfied. So I made arrangements to start repaying my two credit cards minimum payments again. It turns out that one of them didn’t actually go into repayment despite the plan I made. And now I have a lawsuit from the credit card that is incredibly stressful. I’m writing a letter to the court and am calling their lawyer to try to make a minimum repayment plan. It makes me sick to my stomach. I had decent credit before marrying my husband. I’ve never had a lot of money but I always paid my bills and got an extra job if there was something I couldn’t afford but needed or wanted.

Since marrying this man, though, instead of my life getting easier and being able to afford more things and take our kids on vacations, I’m spending my free time haggling with creditors and “robbing Peter to pay Paul,” so to speak. I thought marriage was supposed to make life easier and better.

My husband and I were such good friends in undergrad, where we met. He was actually married then, but we were just friends - no interest. Then he moved for grad school and we lost touch for years. Reconnected on Facebook in 2011 and he was finalizing his divorce. We went on a roadtrip to California and definitely fell in love. It was a beautiful story. He told me he had been found medically incapable of having biological children while we were dating.

But I’m just wondering if I was bamboozled and should divorce this guy or in the very least separate our finances after getting these credit card and tax bills repaid?

TLDR: divorce my husband for our terrible financial situation?

Summary: need advice on if separate finances actually make sense or if divorce is the better option.

Husband (46) and I (42) have been married for 20 years. We do not have access to each other's phone, email or social media accounts due to a previous incident involving a family member (that's for another day). Yesterday while he was at work, I used his computer to check our bank accounts and he had his social media opened so I took it as my chance to see what he's been up to. I found messages between him and his brother coordinating rides to and from his surgery. He had mentioned he will be knocked out for it so it wasn't a simple Dr visit.

These messages were from a couple days ago. On a day that I realized it took him almost the full day to respond to me while I was at work. I remember when I came home that day, he acted normal but his shower before bed took an hour when it usually would take 15mins. So now I know he had some sort of surgery he is keeping away from me and is planning to take it to the grave like he's done in the past about other smaller things I found out.

I don't even know how to react. I was disgusted and felt so betrayed. I couldn't even stand him coming near me or touching me. He did it without even telling me, the one person who it would affect the most on this planet. What if he had complications or worse, passed during surgery? Did he think surprising me with that would've been okay? I feel not only betrayed but as if I'm not even his first choice when it comes to things that can cause consequences that affect me primarily. As if, I'm just another person he lives with, not even more than his own brother. How would anyone feel if it was their spouse? Or am I overreacting?

Tl;dr - husband had secret outpatient surgery and only told his brother. How do I move on or am I overreacting? Thank you!

Asking if it’s wrong to celebrate wedding anniversary (20+ years) completely alone since my husband forgot it.

Husband (40s) is normally good about gifts and milestones. He usually messes up my birthday though, but the last few times he’s made up for it. I (40s) asked him a couple months ago to book our hotel and a spa weekend for us. No big gifts or fancy dinners necessary just a getaway from stress for us both.

Looking through our shared bank history the other day (to check on something else entirely not that I need a reason) I realized he hasn’t purchased a gift, booked the trip, spa, nothing I asked for. He hasn’t withdrawn cash to pay in cash either which wouldn’t make sense for a hotel stay or spa since they require a card to book.

I asked him if he remembered to take that weekend off work and he said he did not. I didn’t remind him that it’s our anniversary weekend bc I didn’t think I needed to since we both got married the same day.

I really don’t want to remind him or give him a chance to make it up to me. I just want to go off and do my own thing and him stay at home with the kids. I am tempted to just go ahead and book everything I want to do just for one person and enjoy myself.

I should probably be heartbroken and upset that he forgot our anniversary but I’m not. I’m just tired and pretty disgusted by him and would rather be away to cool off anyway in case I say things I regret later.

He has been busy and stressed and just made a really big purchase for the family so if I bring up the forgotten anniversary I know he will make that his excuse and also guilt trip me. I don’t want to deal with that since I’m just as stressed and overworked as he is.

What if I don’t want to work things out? What if I’m ok with him being mad and alone like I am?

TL;DR : husband forgot anniversary and instead of attempting to fix things I just want to go off on my own and do my own thing.

I’m looking for some outside perspective because my husband and I are having a disagreement about retirement, cars, and debt, and I’m starting to wonder if I’m looking at this incorrectly.
My husband is in his early 50s and makes around $120k/year. I am 31, so there is a significant age difference between us. He has approximately $1.4 million between his pension and 401(k), has excellent credit, and his main debt is a HELOC of roughly $112k. He is considering retiring within the next few months. We live in his paid off home and I pay all the bills and child care so he can pay down the HELOC.
We also have a prenup. We have kept our finances largely separate, and I have my own savings and retirement accounts. I am not trying to hide money from him or avoid contributing to the household. I just want to maintain some financial autonomy, especially because I am much younger and will potentially have decades more working years and retirement planning ahead of me.
He wants to buy a Corvette. I don’t necessarily have a problem with him having one. What I’m struggling with is the timing and what happens with the other vehicle we would need.
I currently have a paid-off vehicle with low mileage. We could simply keep it as the practical/family vehicle, but he wants to sell it and use the proceeds toward the Corvette.
His plan would essentially involve getting the Corvette and also having a second/family vehicle. There has been discussion about financing the family vehicle, and he has expected me to take responsibility for that loan.
I have told him clearly that I am willing to make payments on the family car, but I do not want to take the loan out in my name or be a co-borrower. I am not trying to avoid contributing to the household. I just don’t want to take on legal responsibility for a car loan.
I have also suggested that instead of retiring now, he could work approximately three more years. My thinking is:
He could buy the Corvette now while he is still earning ~$120k.
His salary would cover the Corvette payment while he is working.
We would have three additional years of employment income.
We could continue paying down the HELOC.
We would have three years to save for the second/family vehicle.
By the time he retires, we could potentially have enough saved to buy the second vehicle outright or put a very large down payment on it.
He would also have had three more years of income before transitioning completely to retirement.
We could potentially avoid putting a new car loan in my name.
His response is that if he works three more years, his pension will apparently be around $90k lower than if he retires now. His argument is essentially that he would be giving up pension value, so the extra salary isn’t as beneficial as it looks.
I understand his point. I’m not saying that working three more years automatically makes him financially better off. But I’m looking at the overall household picture and thinking that three more years of salary could make the transition into retirement much easier and allow us to buy the things he wants without taking on as much debt.
What makes this especially frustrating to me is that I have already offered options that I feel are compromises. I have a paid-off, low-mileage vehicle that could serve as the family vehicle. Instead, he wants to sell it and put the proceeds toward the Corvette, which then creates the need for another vehicle and potentially another loan.
He gets extremely upset when I suggest delaying the Corvette or working longer. He feels like I’m trying to prevent him from getting the car he wants.
That’s not how I see it. I’m trying to figure out how we can have the Corvette and the family vehicle and retirement without putting additional debt in my name.
For context, I make around $84k/year myself. I have my own retirement savings and a HYSA that I intend to keep separate. I am willing to contribute to household expenses and have already contributed significant money toward the HELOC and other household/baby expenses. I have also previously contributed money toward his financial goals, including proceeds from selling a vehicle and other bonuses.
I’m not asking him to fund my personal savings, and I’m not saying he can’t retire or buy a Corvette. I’m saying that if he chooses to retire early and wants both vehicles, I don’t want the solution to be me taking out a car loan.
So, Reddit, am I looking at this incorrectly?
Is working three additional years a reasonable strategy given the circumstances, or does the ~$90k reduction in pension make retiring now financially preferable?
And separately, is it unreasonable for me to say***, “I’m willing to make the family-car payments, but I don’t want the loan in my name”?***
And finally, would you sell a paid-off, low-mileage vehicle to put the proceeds toward a Corvette right before retirement, knowing that doing so creates the need to acquire another practical vehicle?
I’m genuinely looking for an outside perspective, including if I’m missing something obvious financially.

TL;DR: Husband wants to retire in a few months and buy a Corvette. I’m 31, he’s in his early 50s, and we have a prenup/separate finances. I have a paid-off, low-mileage car he wants to sell to help fund the Corvette, which would leave us needing another family car. I’m willing to pay the family-car payment but refuse to take the loan in my name. I suggested he work 3 more years, buy the Corvette now while earning $120k, save/pay down debt, and retire with less financial strain, but he says working 3 more years would cost him ~$90k in pension.

I’m looking for some advice from couples who have experienced this.

My marriage isn’t terrible. We don’t constantly fight, we still care about each other, and from the outside everything probably looks fine.

But lately, it feels like we’ve become really good roommates.

Most of our conversations are about work, bills, chores, schedules, errands, or other things that need to get done.

We’re together, but I don’t always feel connected.

I miss having conversations that actually make me feel close to my spouse. I miss being curious about each other and feeling like we’re partners in the relationship, not just partners in running the household.

The difficult part is that there isn’t one huge problem to fix. Nothing dramatic happened. It just feels like the relationship slowly became more about managing life than actually experiencing it together.

For anyone who has been through this:

What did you actually do to change the dynamic?

Did you start having regular conversations? Date nights? Put more effort into doing things together? Or was there something else that made the biggest difference?

I’d really appreciate advice from people who have actually been through this and managed to reconnect.

TL;DR: My marriage is stable, but it has started feeling more like a roommate/household partnership than a romantic relationship. We rarely fight, but we also don’t feel as connected as we used to. Looking for advice from couples who have successfully changed this dynamic.

Summary: I still love my spouse and don’t want to accept emotional distance as “just what marriage becomes.” I’m trying to figure out what actually helps couples reconnect when there isn’t a major crisis, just a gradual loss of closeness.

My '30F' husband and '29M' bave been married for a year. He holds my head down, chokes me and pinches my nose during blowjobs.

He even asks me if I'm able to breathe. When I say no, he'll say "great". Is this normal? Should I ask him not to do it?

Edit: We've discussed that I am submissive in bed but not to this extent.

Tldr: husband likes to choke me and pinch my nose during blowjobs. Do men do that?

My husband seems to think his only contribution to our family should be providing money. Aside from working his career, he does absolutely nothing to help. Meanwhile, from the time I open my eyes in the morning and until I close them again at night, I barely get to sit down and take a breather. After he gets off work, he spends the rest of the evening with his buddies. Comes home after I’m in bed. So I basically do all of the parenting (we have a toddler), all of the cooking, all of the cleaning, all of the maintenance of our home, all of the appointments, all of the laundry, all of the caring for and bathing of our dogs. I’m just f***ing tired. I’m exhausted. I don’t know if I can continue. He’s a great person otherwise, but dang. Not to mention, I work as well. Not near as much as he does, but I do work.

tl;dr
My husband is a good provider but doesn’t help with anything else. I’m tired. I don’t know what to do, but continuing this lifestyle seems unbearable.

My wife told me last night that she doesn't think I actually listen to her. My first reaction was basically, “What are you talking about? Of course I listen to you.”

Which, looking back, was probably exactly the wrong response. She wasn't saying I ignore her completely. She said that when she's telling me about something that's bothering her, I'm already thinking about what I'm going to say back. And I hate that she might be right. She gave me an example from earlier this week. She was telling me about a problem she was having at work and I apparently interrupted her twice to explain how I thought she should deal with it.

I genuinely don't remember doing that. That's probably part of the problem. She wasn't asking me to fix it. She just wanted to complain for five minutes. I told her I'd try to do better, but then she said, “You always say that when we're having this conversation.” That one got me. We didn't have some huge fight after that. We actually sat on the couch and talked for a while. I asked her what she wanted from me when she's venting, and apparently sometimes the answer is literally just “nothing, listen.” We've also been looking at marriage education resources because we're trying to get better at communicating before little things turn into bigger ones. But I'm curious about something.

For people who've been married a while, how did you actually learn to listen to your spouse without immediately trying to solve whatever they're telling you?

TL;DR: My wife says I listen to respond instead of actually listening, especially when she's venting. I don't want to keep having the same argument about it and would like practical advice on how to change the habit.

I’m struggling with whether I’m doing the right thing and would really appreciate some outside perspective.
I’ve been married for years and we have children together. Our marriage has been deteriorating for a long time, but I kept trying to make it work. I’ve forgiven things, tried to communicate better, tried to support him, and often found myself wondering whether I was somehow the problem.
My husband says what he is going through right now is a mental health breakdown caused by stress, and that it isn’t really about me. He says he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. One minute he tells me he needs me and wants our marriage, and the next he acknowledges that he has not been happy for years. He has also told me that he wishes I would find someone else and that he hates his life with me.
That contradiction is one of the things I am having such a hard time understanding. I don’t know whether I’m looking at a temporary mental health crisis that he can recover from, or whether this crisis is exposing problems in our marriage that have existed for years.
My husband struggles significantly with anger, stress, and alcohol. When he is upset, he can become verbally cruel, intimidating, and extremely difficult to reason with. He has called me names, degraded me, blamed me for his behavior, pressured me to talk when I didn’t want to, and made me feel like I am responsible for regulating his emotions.
There have also been more serious incidents.
Recently, after drinking, he drove with our teenage son in the vehicle. I became so concerned about his ability to drive that I fought with him to let me drive. He had run a stop sign, was swerving, and was slurring his speech.
He was extremely angry that I was making him look bad in front of our son. He told me he wished I would find someone new and that he wished that every day. He told me he was only with me because of our son and that he hated his life with me. He also said he “debates blowing his own brains out every day” and blamed me for why he has to cope by drinking.
I eventually drove because he let me. But while I was driving, he grabbed the steering wheel and jerked the vehicle toward other cars. He then acted as though I was the dangerous driver. He criticized my driving, threw himself into the dashboard, and continued finding things to criticize me about.
He told me I had made him look like a bad father and that I had tried to destroy the image our son had of him.
During the argument, he raised his hand and threatened to hit me if I didn’t shut up.
When we got home, the argument continued. He called me “disgusting” and “trashy,” criticized our home, told me I should stop expecting him to help because he works too much, and continued blaming me for what had happened.
Despite all of this, he does not see himself as abusive or unsafe. His position is essentially that because he hasn’t physically hit me, he hasn’t done anything that warrants him having to leave our home.
When I finally told him that I couldn’t continue living this way and that I was filing for divorce, his response was that he isn’t leaving the house.
He has told me:
“I’m not being abusive or causing an unsafe space for anybody and I’m not leaving my home.”
And:
“I didn’t do anything wrong and I have not put my hands on you and will not put my hands on you or anybody in our home.”
And:
“You can go anytime the door is open. I refuse to leave my home.”
At the same time, he tells me that he needs me, that I’m supposed to be his partner, that he has no one to lean on, and that separating from him is making his life harder when he is already struggling.
He has said:
“I’m not asking for a therapist or counselor I’m asking for a partner to help me through life.”
Part of me feels incredibly guilty because I know he is struggling. I don’t want to abandon someone who is having a mental health crisis.
But I also keep coming back to this question:
At what point does someone else’s mental health crisis stop being something you can support and become something you have to protect yourself and your children from?
I don’t want to destroy my children’s family. I don’t want my husband to suffer. I don’t want my children to lose their relationship with their father. And I genuinely do care about him.
But I’m exhausted.
I don’t feel emotionally or physically safe in the relationship anymore. I feel like I’ve spent years trying to prevent his anger, support him, calm him down, and keep our family together.
Now that I’ve finally said “I can’t do this anymore,” he seems to believe that I’m abandoning him rather than responding to years of behavior.
I’m starting to wonder whether I’ve been conditioned to believe that I have to stay because he’s struggling.
I have an attorney and I’m moving forward with divorce, but I’m terrified and constantly second-guessing myself.
Am I wrong for leaving when my husband says this is a mental health breakdown and not really about me?
Can someone genuinely love their spouse and still have been unhappy in the marriage for years?
And for people who have experienced something similar, How did you know whether you were leaving a temporary crisis or finally accepting a relationship that had become unhealthy?
TL;DR
My husband says he is experiencing a mental health breakdown from stress and that his behavior isn’t really about me. He says he loves me and wants to spend his life with me, but he also admits he hasn’t been happy for years and has told me he wishes I’d find someone else and that he hates his life with me.
He has significant anger and alcohol issues. Recently, while intoxicated, he drove dangerously with our teenage son in the car. I took over driving, and he grabbed the steering wheel and jerked the vehicle toward other cars. During the argument he threatened to hit me, made suicidal statements, blamed me for his drinking and unhappiness, and later called me “disgusting” and “trashy.”
He doesn’t believe his behavior constitutes abuse because he hasn’t physically hit me.
I’ve told him I’m filing for divorce. He says he isn’t leaving our home and that I’m abandoning him when he needs me.
I still love and care about him and feel guilty because I know he’s struggling, but I no longer feel emotionally or physically safe in the relationship.
I’m trying to understand whether I’m abandoning someone during a mental health crisis or finally protecting myself and my children from an unhealthy marriage.
Summary
Husband says this is a stress/mental-health breakdown.
He says he loves me and wants our marriage.
He also says he hasn’t been happy for years.
There has been significant anger, alcohol use, intimidation, and verbal degradation.
There was a recent dangerous driving incident involving our teenage son.
He has made suicidal statements and threatened to hit me.
I have decided to pursue divorce and have an attorney.
He refuses to leave the marital home.
I feel guilty, scared, heartbroken, and unsure whether I’m doing the right thing.
I’m looking for honest perspective from people who have lived through something similar.

I’m married to someone who is financially responsible and provides everything, but emotionally he’s completely unavailable. He can go 6–7 hours without calling/checking in, rarely says “I love you” or “I miss you,” doesn’t seem to care if I don’t reach out, and sometimes gives other women more attention than me. Whenever I bring it up, I’m told I’m “too emotional.” I always feel that the emotional connection is missing. Its me who always try to do conversations, come up with fun ideas...
It was a love marriage, and I genuinely thought things would improve once we started living together. They didn’t.
Leaving/divorce is NOT an option for me, so please don’t suggest that.
I want to hear from women who have actually changed this kind of dynamic while staying in the relationship.
What did you do that made your emotionally unavailable/stubborn husband or boyfriend start valuing you, pursuing you, prioritizing you, and actually becoming emotionally invested?
What worked for you? I’m looking for real experiences, not “leave him.”
TL;DR: I’m looking for advice from women who successfully changed this dynamic and made their emotionally unavailable partner more emotionally invested. I want to feel loved 😭
Summary: I want to know what actually worked for women in similar marriages — without leaving or divorcing.

Been married for a little over one year with a new home.

Since engagement really, my spouse is very cold, less affectionate and we are connecting less and less. At first I thought it was because of decision fatigue and wedding planning stressors.

Deep conversations I try to have get a few words and then end. Going to bed at different times.

When we were dating we would spend hours talking and were so connected. It doesn't even feel like the same relationship.

I have brought up many times how I am feeling something is off, different and not the same and I am met with anger and mostly it gets turned around on me, never getting resolved. The things I bring up that I'm not happy with, never get changed.

I'm wondering if this is a normal part of a new marriage and stress that comes with a new move.

Tl;dr I dont even feel like I'm in the same relationship.

(26F & 26M 5th marriage anniversary in November) He got used to this routine where he goes to work comes back and right away takes a nap then goes to the gym for 1-2 hours then comes back eats dinner in silence then goes up stairs and plays video games then goes to bed. And it’s been on repeat for a month now. I’ve expressed how I feel. I’ve told him I need his attention. I told him his presence isn’t here. What am I supposed to say/do? Please I need a man’s perspective I don’t have any male relatives.

He’s leaving for a guys trip this weekend, on Mondays he said “don’t cook on Wednesday we’ll go out for sushi then a movie date since I’m leaving I want to spend time with you”. That put a huge smile on my face my eyes got teary.

Well it’s Wednesday so I didn’t cook I did an everything shower did my hair and makeup got all dressed up so after his nap I asked him what time do you want to go have dinner?” He told me “I never said we were going out to eat I only said movie night” then he left to the gym so I made us some dinner and by the time he got back we ate and then he told me we’ll just watch a movie here. Right after dinner he got up and went to play his video games I followed him and asked so what do you want to do? He said we’ll just watch a show on the tv it’s too late for a movie. I’m so irritated he made a plan then he down plays it. It’s so annoying I just wish he would uphold himself to the plans he makes for us he does it for everyone else… aren’t I supposed to be a priority?

Oh also after his nap today he told me are you going to miss me I’m going on my trip this weekend. I didn’t answer because honestly how am I supposed to miss something/ someone who isn’t there?

tl;dr: husband isn’t present nor consistent and expects to be missed when he leaves for his guys trip. Male perspective needed please.

I’m 23 years old and the places I go on a daily basis, be it work or errands, has me crossing paths with much more people who are older than me than people who are younger than me. Even at the gym I go to, I am the youngest as far as I know. Most of the women I run into or cross paths with are in their 40s/50s. I think they're very attractive.

I look my age, maybe younger, because I shave my face and its lean. I am 6'3" though. I'm nervous to ask out these older women because I'm still young and not making a lot of money. I have a job, but I still am finishing up college, too. I'd still pay for every date, though. I also don't see an issue with a woman being divorced or having children.

If I fell in love with a woman that’s older than me, I would propose to her. I understand that some men are against that due to them then not being able to make children with their wife, but to ME that’s isn’t a valid reason, even if it is to others which is fine. Even if I fell in love with a woman who’s at an age that can normally make children, you don’t know whether or not someone can do that based on age. If I found out my wife couldn’t make children I wouldn’t then leave her. You fall in love with the woman first, and you make children after.

Starting tomorrow, I'm going to just start asking older women I pass by out to see how it goes. If anyone has advice on if they got a successful relationship like this (man or woman), I'd like some advice.

TLDR; I’m nervous about asking out women older than me because I’m young; I’m wondering if anyone has experience in a lasting relationship/marriage with an age gap.

I’d like for my wife to wear lingerie, perfume, and initiate with a yearning for me with words and aggressive touch. What’s the equivalent that I can do for her, as a man?

TL;DR: what can I do as a man for my wife in “that” area?

my husband and i have been together for 10 years and married for 4. over the last couple of years, he has started not keeping his word. it’s usually small things, but it keeps happening and he truly doesn’t care at all. he will tell me one thing and then do the complete and total opposite. then when i call him out or ask him about it, he says it’s not a big deal or to get over it. i’m feeling extremely dismissed and not a priority. today, i took our kitten to get spayed. i asked him to come home after work to help me since she was acting insane and jumping everywhere and howling- plus i have two big dogs that are very interested in why the kitty is freaking out, and i had to get back to work since i was pulled away more than once to drop off and pick up our kitten. he said he was dropping something off at his buddies house and he’ll be right home. i said are you sure you aren’t going to hang out because i need an extra set of hands here and he said no babe im just dropping this off. so 15 min goes by and he’s still there. i ask hey what’s going on and he dismisses it. i wait a bit longer and ask again since he’s still there. he dismisses me again and tells me to relax. by the time he left, it was an hour he had been there. so he gets home and i’m obviously annoyed because he literally does this to me multiple times a week. we get into an argument and he again tells me to get over it and i’m acting crazy and i need to stop taking everything to literally. so now im sitting here wondering if i shouldn’t be taking what he’s saying literally. but to me, if you tell me xyz and do the opposite, then that’s not keeping your word. and again, he does this all the time. from household chores, to promising we’d do something together and then blowing me off, to things like this. idk what to make of any of it and i’m just so mad and disappointed. i told him i’m going to start treating him the same way he’s been treating me and he didn’t care. it’s so frustrating because he’s my best friend and hasn’t always been like this.

has anyone else dealt with this and had a solution or been able to get through to their partner? i truly don’t know how much more of this i can take.

tl;dr- husband doesn’t keep his word and is unreliable. doesn’t care when i bring it up and turns it around on me like i shouldn’t be the one expecting him to do what he says he’s going to do.