Am I crazy for wanting to separate after learning my husband has a porn addiction?
NSFW/18+
On a throwaway account for this post.
I (28F) am at my wits end with my husband (28M). For some background information, we have been married for 5 years and together for 8. We have a child (3F) as well.
Over the years we've had intimacy issues (we didnt have sex often, and when we did it was quick and never focused on me being satisfied). I have tried to be understanding. I thought that maybe he had low testosterone, or was stressed from work, or he was depressed, or he just...didn't find me attractive anymore. Recently, I thought that he was having an affair. Around New Years, I confronted him about it and he confessed that he had a porn addiction, which is why he was rarely interested in me (and when he was, he never lasted long). He also informed me that he's been talking to his parents about all of this as well so...thats great.
We ignored it for a few months but clearly things have been tense. He was gone for 3-4 months due to work, and since he returned last month I want absolutely nothing to do with him. He's been sleeping in the guest bedroom because I don't even want him in our bed.
To his credit, he is making some effort. He stated he has stopped watching porn and masturbating completely since February (so much so that he has been having wet dreams), he's going to therapy, and hes attending weekly meetings for sex addicts. But I still can't find a way to forgive him. It all feels too little too late for me.
It doesn't help that we've been having "check ins" where he wants me to basically interrogate him. Hes told me his porn interests he's had (furry porn, pregnant women porn, cucking porn, anal porn-both homo and heterosexual, outdoorsy/public porn...you get the gist). He would often do this at home and even drive somewhere to park his car and jerk off to porn. During these check ins, the most disturbing thing he's admitted to is using my vibrator as his own pleasure toy (yes, for anal usage) without my knowledge SEVERAL times.
He continually encourages the idea that we can stay married and open our relationship so I can find pleasure elsewhere but "he only wants to be with me" (and assumedly continue with his porn addiction). I have no desire to open the relationship; I'm not interested in having a roommate who I am only married to on paper. Over the past few months/years, even our romance has dwindled to almost nothing. I can't even recall the last time he planned a date or did a romantic gesture for me.
To be clear, we have been together for over 8 years. I have no problem with him watching porn, however I do have a problem with him trading intimacy with me for some pixels on a screen.
I don't even want to be in the same room as him anymore. I can feel my anxiety spike any time I hear him.
Part of me feels guilty because I know he's trying, and I know our child will be affected. But I dont see how I can ever trust him to be honest with me again after lying to me for 8+ years. I feel as though he is making great strides in the right direction, however I am completely checked out and fear its too little too late for me. I truly don't know if there is anything he can do to save our marriage that would negate the betrayal over the last several years. I feel so lost and confused about it all, if anyone has any advice or encouraging words I could really use them.
TLDR: My husband has a porn addiction that has been affecting our relationship for over 8 years and lying to me about it. Am I crazy for wanting to divorce him after learning about it? What advice would you give someone trying to decide whether to stay or go?