r/AITA_Relationships

Last night I tossed, turned, and scratched all night and I don't think I got more than 1 hour of sleep. My legs ache, I felt tickling sensations (knismesis seems most accurate) every couple minutes, and a stomach ache with acid reflux that came up basically all the way at one point.

I want to call in sick, but when I told him he was very annoyed and said I'll get fired if I do. I haven't called out sick this month, but I do call out about once a month. They've cut my hours in half and occasionally give me a closing and opening shift back-to-back, like tonight/today, so I do feel like they're trying to get rid of me... I've been managing to pay all my bills, but just barely. I don't have debt, but I'm barely managing to scrape by...

I told him he was not acting supportive like I'd like to see in a life partner (he wants to get married), and he said "Sorry, we don't live in a fantasy land," "we have to sacrifice" etc. So I told him "Just leave me alone." Idk I just feel like shit, over all this, and I guess I just want to know how everyone else would handle today. Thanks

Edit: TMI but diarrhea twice in 8 hours as well. Don't know what's going on

My boyfriend 34M and I 31F been dating for a year moved in together a few months ago. He has two baby mothers. The first baby mother I adore, she is kind and has not created at problems or hostility. She is welcome in our home and has met my daughter. His second baby mother is a disaster. She lies, has been abusing his kids which we have reported to the police once the kids informed us. She will purposely deny picking up the kids (there’s a court order) to make him late for work or unable to work that whole day. She begged my boyfriend to cheat on me with her and he refused (seen the messages). She has also tried to call the police on me for kidnapping because I was watching the kids in the house while my boyfriend was running an errand. I was directed by him to not hand the kids over since she refused to take them to mess with his plans and the police agreed that he was not in the wrong. We caught her SNOOPING around the house, peeking through our windows because she is obsessed with trying to “see” me. I have not been introduced to her because she’s hostile and abusive to her kids. I’m a mother as well so I’m not in the mood to deal with the nonsense. I have not spoken to her or provoked her in anyway. My existence provokes her. Recently she threw food at my parked car after she dropped off the kids, she missed majority of the car lol but got a crumb on my door handle lol I seen her do it. I informed my boyfriend. A week later My boyfriend let her come on the property to hang for 30 minutes just to see the kids when she was supposed to be dropping off something for the kids. She has not been on the property since last year. She was going to get the kids the next day anyway. There was no need for her to hang out. He didn’t inform me of her stopping by which is w.e if she remained in the street but that was not the case. I was at work when this happened, I only knew because of the ring door bell. Him & I haven’t talked until yesterday because I was fuming. I told him idc if she remains on the street but not the property. I explained she has been disrespectful to me and my personal property, abuses the kids and screws you over. She has a home that she brings the kids too and has 50/50 custody. She did not have to come on the property to hang out by the entrance to our home playing with chalk etc. especially after she threw stuff at my car unprovoked. He told me yesterday that either I have to bite the bullet and let it happen sometimes (her coming on the property to hang) to appease her a bit so his life is a bit easier or I can move on..he called me selfish and that I want everything my way. I have decided to move on. AITAH for being upset that she’s hanging out on the steps of our home?

I (19f) have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. I Occasionally watch and enjoy porn, so naturally I told my (19m) boyfriend that it wouldn't bother me if he did too. At first it didn't bother me, I liked how he would show me and share it with me, and it was generally normal stuff.

Now, I've been checking his reddit history and the porn is violent and gross. It's girls getting fucked with beer bottles and other weird nasty shit. I took screenshots because I don't even wanna describe it. I've told him that I don't like him watching it anymore, but he always goes back to it because, "I always switch up."

I have been having very conflicting thoughts about this because my ex whom I had been with for a very long time is pregnant and we were very happy and excited and she was everything I could ever ask for gave me infinite attention love and support we always took little trips hikes etc just things a really healthy couple would do but she had this very big issue with me and women not like I would ever cheat stare or do anything to jeopardize the relationship in that way but it was just weird things like let’s just say we had a girl waitress she would accuse me of looking at the waitress in a sexual way (I never did anything like that because like I explained I would never do anything to jeopardize my relationship) and I would be confused and try to fight an uphill battle about small things like that the bigger issue was my mom and sister tho she had so much hatred in her heart for them because she was convinced that every time they talked to me or just did anything kind normal motherly or sibling type deed for me that they were flirting with me or in her words wanted my male genitalia and ofc that like not true at all and it got to the point where they couldn’t even call me or talk to me about simple things because i knew that it would just be such a big argument and headache later for me to deal with that i just almost didn’t want anything to do with my family and i have always thought it was pretty weird that she had these thoughts but i just never knew what to do because like I stated it was such a amazing relationship besides that little/big thing but i always just would tell her i could possibly do something about it by just being very avoidant towards them and just not giving them attention in which i did for a little while but something’s you couldn’t avoid like your mothers “hey son just checking in on you I haven’t heard for you in a couple days I love you I hope your doing well text” in the mornings or just at random points in the day and that crushed me a little bit because obviously I want my relationship but I also don’t want to completely cut off my family because they never have did anything wrong and my sister would more so just try to be her friend and it’s like she was so blinded by her own delusion that it’s like she couldn’t even see that and I have given push back to her thinking like this obviously to no avail because I would just be told I’m invalidating her feelings I’m such a horrible person I treat her so bad this that and the third but I honestly didn’t and sometimes I would blow up a little bit and say things like your so stupid how could you think this which is not right at all to say but I was so frustrated by this I couldn’t hold it in sometimes. Really wish I could say more and explain the full story on here to get you guys real opinions on this but I’m limited to 3,000 characters womp womp lmk if there’s anywhere I can post the rest of this tho thanks to anyone who shares their opinion

AITA I (F) broke up with my fiancé about 3 weeks ago, but due to financial/logistical reasons, we are still currently sharing an apartment (w our 2 kids). While we were together, we had an dynamic where he would sometimes wake me up for SX by touching me and removing my underwear. At the time, I told him I didn't mind when he did this, (as long as he didn't expect me to be on top) and it was consensual. ​However, we are now broken up. Last night, I went to bed. He waited for me to fall asleep, and I woke up to him touching me and pulling my underwear down. Because I was in shock and completely confused, I froze. I pretended to be asleep and didn't move. He kept going and ended up having sx with me while I stayed completely still. Afterward, he went to the bathroom. ​I felt incredibly conflicted and disgusted. My body had a physical reaction to the touch, and to cope in the moment, I tried to mentally dissociate by imagining it was someone else. ​Today, I texted him and told him I was disgusted, that he took advantage of me being asleep, and that he crossed a major boundary. ​He responded with a long text apologizing, but essentially blamed my body’s reactions. He said he got the impression it was consensual based on my "auditory response" (breathing heavy) and compared it to things we did when we were together. He said he would respect my boundaries now, and that he understands he needs to find a new place "in due time." ​I replied and told him that "in due time" doesn't work for me, and that because he violated my boundaries and my trust, he needs to pack his things and be moved out by this weekend. ​He currently has no car and says he has nowhere else to go. I am feeling a wave of guilt because I know his housing situation is terrible, but I no longer feel safe sleeping in my own home. ​AITA for forcing him to move out immediately?

Am a very private person and have tried to get through this with my partner, but am confused and overwhelmed.

Background: I am in my 30s and a virgin. I grew up in a family full single parent at every generation above me. A lot of them were in long term relationships having kids without any strong commitment. I was about 13 when I decided I didn't want that andnsould prefer waiting on sex until marriage. Because I knew I wasn't interested in getting married really young, I basically avoided dating. It wasn't hard because sex is the theme in HS and college.

I am on a relationship now and I was very upfront with my partner about my choi e and boundaries. He said he was down. Since then issue relating to sexual intimacy have been an issue. We’re in a long-distance relationship and I relented to allow phone sex and even sent videos to accommodate his needs. But it's never enough. It always an escalation to push against boundaries set and he's verbally agreed to. When he makes a request and I say no, I can expect to receive vm that are no less than an hour long about how inconsiderate I am of his needs. Him consistently going back and forth has eroded my trust and sense of ease around him. I don't want to say something or share a simple video of of me dancing so it doesn't trigger another rounds of requests. We are so compatible in every other area, but this one. We've talked about marriage and even planning to elope in September due to expense.

With the latest incidence I am seriously consideration if I should take this next step. Am worried that the normal occasional no in relationship after marriage will lead to same pattern of self-pitying lectures that is increasing my aversion of being intimate with him.

I don't know how to resolve this. I’ve thought about ending the relationship so many times, but held on because other than this issue, we’re good.

How can I resolve this?

I (19F) recently broke up with my ex-girlfriend (19F) after a 1.5 year relationship.

For the first year, I didn't talk about relationship problems to any of my friends. I was crying every night, thinking I was at fault for not feeling loved. I didn't know what I was doing wrong, I tried making my girlfriend, Kim, feel loved and I didn't feel the same levels of support being returned until we started seeing more eye-to-eye this autumn. At the same time, I began talking to 2 friends about relationship issues before I went to Kim. These two friends were originally more like me and Kim's mutual friends, but over this first year at uni our group dynamics and routines changed, and Kim became less involved.

I felt less alone this way. I didn't intentionally try to exclude Kim, but me and the other two naturally began to spend more time as a group without her. I never shared anything untrue about Kim, I gave them my perspective on conflicts, and even told them whenever we made up.

Kim occasionally asked me why she wasn't being invited to spend time with me and the other two anymore. She said she was scared they hated her and talked about her behind her back. She considered the two as close friends, but they weren't as close with Kim as she felt with them.

I let Kim know I thought it would be awkward & they didn't have as much in common with each other as they used to, but I also told her nobody hated her. I said that they're drifting apart because of college and I do believe this was happening. She was upset, but understood where I was coming from, and wished I could make an effort to include her with her best friends. I told her that there are still plenty of friends she has who she can talk to.

Throughout our relationship, I sometimes thought me and Kim weren't compatible because of the differences in values we hold, how we want to be treated and treat each other. I decided to cut things off with Kim this Tuesday. We got food and had a sentimental chat in person about it. She brought up that she sent a message reaching out to one of the two friends, but he wasn't answering her messages from the past 3 weeks. She asked if I could send him a random message so she could know if it was intentional. I obliged, telling her when I got a notif back an hour later. We dismissed it as him being too tired to respond.

2 days later, she texted me that she was scared me and the other two didn't like her at all, paranoid the reason I never entertained the idea of her tagging along with the two was because we used the opportunity to say bad things about her.

I told Kim I talked to our two friends about our relationship problems when we hung out. I let her know that I didn't have anyone else to talk to, that the other two were closer friends than me than they were with her, and that had been the dynamic for a majority of our friendship. Kim said that she understood that the two were the only people I could have gone to, but let me know that she was still hurt & upset about losing someone she was friends with for so long.

I responded saying that I understand why she's upset, but that I didn't want to be hurt and alone in a way that was mentally unsubstainable. She replied that she understands but she personally wouldn't say anything about me to anyone else if it could make them think less of me. I asked her why she would act in ways that could lead others to think less of her if they were to hear about it.

Kim defended herself by bringing up something I did that hurt her, saying it was to illustrate how she felt about me venting to the two about our problems without her knowledge. This situation was brand new information to me. She said that the thing I did hurt her a lot, yet she chose to keep it from everyone else's business because she was scared people would think less of me, I would be upset with myself, and my friends would all hate me if she told them about the situation. She admitted to talking to old online fandom mutuals who had nothing to do with me for advice, waiting until she could make sense of my actions instead of talking immediately to our real friends.

I was hurt by her bringing this up. I sent her messages about the times she made me feel hurt and unloved, the things I talked about to the two. I never did those things to her, and I let her know how inconsiderate those things were of her to do, especially to a partner. She said she appreciated being spoken to harshly, and wished that was how I communicated my grievances with her.

The first time I communicated to her harshly, she matched the tone of the argument to defend herself, and I felt if I were to communicate with her, she'd do that again. I stopped communicating that way out of fear that I'd be met back with the same tone. We talked more, and I let her know I appreciated how she kept to herself the situation where I made her feel hurt. I do think that if she went to our social circle it'd reflect very poorly on me without context. There are aspects of my communication in relationships that are influenced by OCD and reassurance-seeking behaviors that wouldn't come across clearly without explanation, which is something I gave her during the period she was hiding her grievances. If I'd known how she felt about the situation beforehand I would have immediately brought these up to her.

We apologized for making each other feel hurt, and I told her that it wasn't solely because I talked to our friends about her that they aren't interested her anymore, as it's what they see too. She sometimes made me feel hurt while I was with others. I felt Kim didn't put effort into the relationship, she agrees with that statement. I vented to my friends because I tried to love Kim in so many ways, and never got the same back. I feel bad that she was hurt by what I did. I know it really hurts to be disliked by anyone, but I think it can be something to reflect on, the ways she acted left me hurt and alone.

AITAH?

TW mention of abusive parent and gun violence

Hello, last night I learned my mom who I’m no contact with has been trying to plan that me, my dad, and her will all sit together to watch my brother graduate next week.

Context: My parents are divorced and have been separated for almost four years. I’ve been NC with her for a year and a half. My brother is still in contact with her and sees her regularly, my dad however, has barely seen her over the course of the separation. This would be due to my mom’s refusal to interact with him, as she usually makes it a point that she doesn’t want to sit with or interact with him at events.

I won’t get into detail about why I’m NC, but she was abusive. She was a SAHM and my dad was at work a lot, so he wasn’t there for most of it. Physically abusive when we were little and as we grew older she was more mentally abusive. She moved out when I was 18 and the tone shifted drastically, maybe because she didn’t live with us anymore and no longer had much control? She was way less mentally abusive and argumentative once we lived apart, but in my experience, still insufferable to be around. She just isn’t a nice person, she’s hateful towards others and made it well known to us. Nine times out of ten during hang outs, she’d find a way to talk badly about my father, saying vile things (e.g. she’d laugh if she saw him get shot in the head, along with a couple of his family members). When I let her know that wasn’t ok to say, she basically said that if I’d “gone through” what she did with him, that I’d feel the same way. Meanwhile, my mom was the abusive one and my dad wasn’t spared either, she’d treat him poorly too, and we’d all walk on egg shells around her. He pandered to her constantly and never did anything abusive to her. My brother seems to easily forget or put these things in the back of his mind when hanging out with her, but that was always much harder for me to do. After every hang out, I’d be pissed off and mentally drained from trying not to say something and cause a fight, so it’s been much healthier for me to be NC.

There have been numerous other events for my brother that we all have gone to. We sat apart (usually me and my dad sitting in one spot and my mom sitting separately), and we would not interact with her at all. However, last night my dad and brother told me that she’s planning on having all of us sit together at his graduation and then go out to lunch together afterwards. I wasn’t told anything by her and she seems to be just communicating and planning this all through them. I find it crazy that this hasn’t even been a thought in her mind for any other event, and with how much she loves to talk about hating my dad, it’s pretty odd she wants to sit with him and I now (and go out to eat together afterwards…) at such an important event. She talked to my dad and brother about this. She reached out to my dad over text, I’m unsure how it was communicated and don’t know everything that was said, but my dad agreed to it and wanted us to all sit together too. He knows we’re no contact and I’m surprised he thought I’d be ok with that. Apparently, as she was pitching this idea to my brother, she brought me up and said “She isn’t going to dictate how this goes” and said I’d be childish to not sit with them and go out to lunch with them. I don’t want to spoil anything regarding the graduation, but I think it’d be crazy to just go along with this when I’d much rather sit by myself at that point.

Since we’re NC, I didn’t invite her to my graduation. We (my dad and brother) also didn’t do much afterwards either. My dad had to go straight to work, and my brother had an event to go to. We briefly met to take a few pictures and went our separate ways as it was a chaotic scene in Seaport (Boston). I’m not complaining about this, I just don’t think it’d be a huge deal to not meet with my brother after graduation and instead take pictures at home and celebrate at a later date, like we did for mine.

I never want to put anyone in the middle of anything. Anytime there’s been an event for my brother where my mom wants to do something with him after, I never try to make conflicting plans or say anything about making plans with her instead of me, because we live together and it’s super easy to do something another time. This is a first time situation regarding her wanting to sit with my dad, and I can’t help but feel like this is to stir the pot or try to make me look bad for not wanting to sit and go out to eat with them. I’m thinking of telling my dad I would rather sit alone if they are going to sit together, emphasizing that I don’t want to cause issues or put him in the middle. I didn’t say this right when I was told, I was kind of shocked by the whole thing, as this was brought up at a dinner where we were celebrating me passing my boards yesterday. My brother pretty much knew from the start that I wouldn’t be ok with this and doesn’t seem to be shocked or bothered that I don’t want to interact with her.

WIBTA for sitting by myself and not seeing my brother right after graduation? I’m bummed, I thought I’d be able to briefly meet him and congratulate him before my mom could get to him, and maybe I can still try to make that work before peacing out. I just don’t want her to freak out or bring it up at the restaurant and make it about how I’m being childish. It’d be awkward if I went, not just cause of me, but it would also be the first time my parents have interacted in a social setting since the separation. My dad isn’t sure if he can go the the lunch either, he might need to go straight to work like he did after my graduation, but emphasized he’d go if he can. My goal is to never put anyone in the middle or make them feel they have to choose to spend time with me or my mom, but I feel my hand is being forced in this situation as this is the first time my mom has tried to plan something of the sort with all of us while being no contact.

Hi. This is my first time posting here. So here it is.

My SO had always told me that if we get married, we will live in his country. There is no direct flight from my country to his. I would take three flights and a train ride to reach his home.

My dilemma is leaving home entirely. I am concerned and worried if something happens to my family, I will not be there immediately. I'm afraid that if I am away and there is an emergency, I will be too late.

I have aging parents. I want to be there with they get old and take care of them. Taking them with me is not an option. My and my SO's culture is different as well as the language.

Having three flights to reach home would cost a lot and would definitely take time. I don't know what to do. I am willing to go with him, but I don't want to leave my family. So, AITA because this is the reason why I am hesitant to live in another country.

What should I do? I need advice.

I (25F) decided to go on a trip with work friends despite of my 7 years and LDR BF (26M) not wanting me to go because of that one workmate he’s been jealous with for 2 years now.

I reassured him that i didn’t care if that one co worker is coming in our group. I just really want to enjoy the trip with my work friends. I really don’t have feelings for him and no matter how I tell him there is nothing going on between us, he’s turning deaf.

BF went so mad and threw a tantrum at me bc he was upset that i didn’t chose to stay with him instead. I wanted to have this freedom for myself because I-don’t want to feel controlled and lose my individuality and social life. Work life has been very draining for the two of us, so I always to join these trips to destress.
I explained this side to him and he called it BS and accused me that I just wanted to have a great time with that one co worker of mine he’s jealous with.

During his tantrums, he insisted that he joins our group trip. I said everything has been booked and settled with the travel agency and i really didn’t want to look like the dramatic and messy one in our work group. In fact, i asked him before the booking if he wanted to go for the nth time he said he don’t want to be fake happy with the group etc. now, i didn’t want to push him into coming w us because it was not his mission/wanting in the first place.

Now, my bf is threatening me to end our relationship. He said that i was selfish and i wasn’t respecting his ego. And that i was not setting enough boundaries with the my co worker he is jealous with. To which i asked throughout our years of relationship have i not been faithful? Does he not have a trust in me?

He said that he wanted us to travel to that place instead and see it for the first time together. He was upset that i was seeing it work friends especially w the guy he is jealous with and not him.

I complained that he never really have the time to travel with me. Because he was always busy hustling and making money for “our future”. It turned into a very ugly discussion. It was so hard to digest. My eyes was all swollen.

He’s started ghosting me now. And im thinking if iata for insisting on going to this trip with work friends :(

TW: SH
Me and my girlfriend have been dating for more than a year now. She has been the best and worst part of my life. We don’t call eachother names during arguments but she just boils my blood sometimes. I feel like she has a need to be correct. She denies it but I see through her. She definitely has a superiority complex and our arguments are always anout something stupid.
For instance I talked to her about videos I dislike and how I don’t like the “what about meism” phenomenon and how I hate the videos just being guilt trips. And I said somethinh like “I don’t care about your disabled sister. She’s not a part of this conversation.”
She started telling me how I shouldn’t be judgmental and rude like that and that it’s a red flag.
I told her that she often tells me how she sees things as annoying or off putting in other people
How she tells me all the time “If I werent you doing this, I would be annoyed by it.” And it’s always small harmless things.
She said shes trying to change whatnot.
She eventually started having a tone with me for a misunderstanding that we already cleared up
Though I admit I sounded a bit angry I was just trying to move on.
Which is something she said she didn’t like, and I said I won’t do it again.
I moved on and came to a conclusion of “If you stop doing this, I will too. And if you’re working on it, I’ll work on it too.”
she had a fucking tone with me
When I asked why
She said “I don’t like the misunderstanding we had earlier”
Honey it’s already said and done stop being such a fucking bitch about it.
Snd she was also mad about how when she cut me off to clear something up, I was really angry sounding.
I told her, I’m not angry. I’m not frustrated just passionate and I’m sorry how it came off.
I told her in that moment rhat hey it’s fine even if u didn’t tell me then u couldve told me later
Which she interpreted as me saying that she should say it later, which I cleared up.
I said hey listen I’ll be better in the future, I’ll do what you want.
And she replies with “so I’m right?”
Which boiled my blood.
She has no reason to say that. And at any other time I wouldve been fine but we also had another argument hours earlier wnd it just pissed me the fuck off.
That she has a solution and still chooses to be such a bitch to me.
I told her, I let everything out
I told her shes the reason I cut, the reason I break out, the reason I struggle and get sad in my day to day. That shes the reason why I’m always angry. That she mentally tortures me with these arguments and fights. That she escalates shit for no reason and just seems to love pressing my buttons.
I don’t know if she’s doing it on purpose.
I don’t want her to feel like she’s walking on eggshells.
Theres a lot of good in our relationship.
But shes my everything. And I want her to love me.
I love her so much but I’m just done with the arguments about some stupid bullshit.
I told her hey if u try to be better I will too
Why can’t she just be happy with it and end it there?
She just likes to escalate.
Maybe I’m just coping becahse I told her not to contact me for a few days and I’m still frustrated as hell.
Idk if I’m abusive or if I’m abusive or if we’re both just not right for eachother.
We don’t name call and we love eachother outside of this.
I just wish my life was simple again. Without all this frustration.
WIBTAH if I break up with her?

My partner is thinking I am but I’m not that sure so let’s put this into Reddit users hands 😅
Background: When my partner and I started dating, I was a single mom, with a good job so was able to support me and my son without issues. He was working in IT and I loved our conversations around work and work ethic.
During the past years we had a second boy together. He lost his job then found another one in IT where he was treated v badly and was forced to leave when they changed his role from remote to in office (office was far away and travelling costs would have eaten all his salary). I’ve always been the breadwinner as my job pays more and that’s fine but he’s always helped with small expenses and groceries.
After leaving his latest role, he said he didn’t want to go back and work for a corporate due to his previous past experiences and because he doesn’t want to “work to make someone else rich”, and asked me to sustain all our family living costs for 3-4 months while he gave it a shot at turning his video editing hobby into a career but also set up an online business. I agreed to that, on the premise he’d look at jobs if that didn’t work out within a few months.
It’s been almost 10 months and the video editing didn’t take off, and the online business is not yet live. He did put in lots of hours and hard work but it’s not working.
Now due to living costs going up and my salary staying the same, I’m really struggling. I’ve asked him to help me out - he said he’s looking for video editing jobs. I’ve asked him to broaden the search to IT remote jobs as I do need help (paying for two infant schools, all bills, car payments, groceries etc - I’ve stopped all kind of shopping years ago, cancelled subs and started going to a cheaper supermarket as well).
He says I only value him for how much he makes - yet I am fine with whatever job he’d find, if he was to be a shop assistant or a bartender or whatever, I’d support him. I’m not after gifts at all, I don’t expect him to cover all costs like I’m doing now - just help me out. Even a part time position so he can keep developing his ideas on the side.
I’m so stressed and exhausted.
He says I’m being selfish, I’m only thinking about the kids and not him (as a mom, I do love my kids and if they need attention, I prioritise them cos they’re little - and him being always at the laptop means I’m either working or cooking or doing chores or staying with the kids), that I don’t support him as I should and don’t believe in his capabilities (I do see his hard work, but also the lack of results - as a person, I’m not one to flood you with caring words, I’m honest and blunt, I’m the one who tells you to “do something about it” instead of complaining). He says I should be grateful he stayed even when I had a child (!) and that he puts up with my family (I see my parents and siblings usually every 3 weeks I’d say, he doesn’t like them so doesn’t join me often which is totally fine). I get along with his so no issue there.
He thinks I’m ungrateful as he is spending so much time building this online business that will support our family one day, and said “go ask people” so here I am.

So for context, I am postpartum, just started a new job, and 50 pounds heavier than my pre baby weight (meaning nothing fits).

So my husband asks me quite often if I want to go out to eat and most of the time I say no I would rather just do take out and eat at home.

Well just this past week he told me he wants us to start going out to eat and to “date” me again. Basically when we don’t have the kids. I told him I don’t really want to do that since nothing fits and I don’t like the way that I look. But also I am always so tired. I truly have no desire to go or do anything. (I also have postpartum depression and take medication for it)

Today my husband asked me what I wanted for dinner and I told him I didn’t care. He told me he wanted a burger, and I said great. Well he starts getting ready to go and I asked if we were leaving and where we were going. He said he wanted to go sit down at a local restaurant, and I said I don’t want to, I don’t want to sit down anywhere. Which in his mind I should have known that that meant we were leaving now and going out to eat. I told him that I am okay running through somewhere or doing take out but other than that I’m not interested.

He is now upset with me because he doesn’t understand why I won’t go or do anything even though I have told him many times the issues. (Stated above)

I know this is a small issue but it’s becoming much bigger, emotionally for both of us.

He says he feels like he doesn’t know me anymore.

But with PPD, my appearance, and my exhaustion, plus a 1 year old I just don’t have any desire. I don’t want to leave often but we still do and go places. It’s almost like by the end of the day my body meter is so low I nothing left to want to do anything.

I feel like I’m the AH but I am absolutely drained.

Hello.

I had a friend who lived 8 hours away. She chose to come and visit me at one of my worst times. I was crazy busy trying to prep my house for sale and was insanely busy cleaning it for listing pics. She said she was going to come to help me.

Instead, she slept in til 1pm got up went for coffee and disappeared for hours. I was too busy cleaning and don’t want to tell people want to do but I was getting worried. I phoned her to find out where she was and she said she’d arranged a date (from some random she’d met on a dating app- as she was now pairing with new people in my location).

I was totally confused. I’ve helped many people move. I’ve never trolled for local dudes when visiting a friend.

I later found out from my neighbour she was sitting in her car texting for hours instead of coming in and helping me.

I was getting more agitated the longer she stayed as she didn’t help me clean anything and instead made a big todo about preparing a big meal which was the last thing I needed.

She asked me when she would leave and I suggested the next day. She got a bit pissy about it saying she needed more time to arrange passengers. I was like ok, leave whenever.

I needed to keep focused on my house. I didn’t have time for all this nonsense and distraction. When she returned home she ignored me for a few weeks and I was like “I’m done.” And blocked her.

I still think it’s weird.

A few years ago, my husband and I had an incident. We were sleeping with our toddler in the bed between us. He started snoring very loudly, waking me up and disturbing our toddler. I reached out to shake his shoulder and accidentally pushed his face. He popped up and started swinging, hitting me and our toddler multiple times. He claims he had no control over this because he was mostly asleep.

Over the past 8 years, he has demanded multiple times that I apologize for "hitting" him in the face while downplaying punching us. Earlier today I told him I was going to punch him in the face if he doesn't stop cussing at our kids and his response was to bring up this incident again, which is why I'm posting now.

AITAH for refusing to apologize and getting extremely angry that he keeps bringing this up?

I’ll make this short and sweet for context I took on the financial responsibility as best as I could to help support my wife to go to school and encouraged her to quit her demanding job that was toxic to finish her schooling as fast as possible. During that time my hours were cut and budget was not stuck to firmly so debt occurred during this period and I experienced a cash flow problem trying to pay the credit card since we made all purchases on the card. Since all these purchases have been made for literally anything on either side it was all put on the citi credit card in our names. Recently she went back to work and is make the same amount nearly as me since we now both work at the same place with the same schedule. I feel bad not being able to pay this card off after telling her it was okay to go back to school to finish and trying to support but if I keep taking these bills on I’m never gonna pay that card off in less than a year at best and I won’t save well enough, I had asked her if she’s willing to help pay it off I need the help and she replied she doesn’t want to and feels as if she’s paying off a student loan. I understand I did say I’d help but now I’m the one in need of help she only has roughly 600 dollars of bills compared to her take home of 2.2k-2.6k a month she would like to just continue saving to replenish the money she pulled from her savings account to pay off her personal credit card. I’m only trying to understand if I’m in the wrong or being unreasonable to ask this obviously not all details are present but this is the jist of the situation any advice on how to handle this would be much appreciated.

I (30F) feel like I’m about to force my fiancé (23M) to choose between me and his father’s side of the family, and I honestly don’t know if I’m being unreasonable anymore.

For background, we’ll call my fiancé “James.” James had a crush on me since he was 17 and pursued me once he turned 18. At the time, I had just escaped an 11-year toxic and violent relationship with my ex, who is now in prison for strangulation among other things. We have two children together. Because of all that trauma, I repeatedly told James no. I wasn’t ready for a relationship, and I was uncomfortable with the age gap. I also felt like he deserved to enjoy being young without taking on children. I made it clear that if I ever settled down again, it would only be for something serious and stable. My boys needed a permanent, healthy father figure — not another unstable relationship.

Despite that, James never stopped trying, and over the years we became best friends.

Around that same time, James’ father openly admitted multiple times that he found me attractive. He tried hooking up with me several times, including at his niece’s wedding. I rejected him, blocked him, and avoided him completely after that.

Fast forward to 2024, and James and I finally decided to give our relationship a chance. We kept it quiet at first because we already knew his family would judge us due to my past relationship and the age gap. His family also had ties to my ex through work and mutual friendships.

Once they found out, things got ugly fast.

His father told James he didn’t want us together and literally said to “hit it and quit it.” After James moved in with me, his family got even worse. I was called a “coke whore” and a “crackhead” despite never using drugs. His father made disgusting comments about me being “ran through town” and vulgar comments about my body directly to my face.

For context, I’m not some deadbeat woman they portray me to be. I have multiple college degrees, a successful career making $32/hour, and I’m known in my community for volunteering and helping families in need. Yes, I partied in my early 20s, but once my ex became dangerous, I completely changed my life. I stopped drinking and focused entirely on protecting my children and building stability for them. Everything I had before James — my home, career, and stability — I built myself.

At one point I tried ending the relationship because I was exhausted by the disrespect. James refused to let his father ruin our relationship. He confronted him, and eventually his dad apologized. Things were okay for maybe a month.

Then Thanksgiving happened.

We were invited over, and his family treated my children and me horribly the entire time. We were basically isolated in another room where my kids couldn’t even play with toy cars. The final straw was when his grandmother backhanded my 9-year-old son because he leaned on a swinging chair.

I was so shocked I froze. James froze too. His cousin was actually the one who defended my son and started yelling about how inappropriate it was. We left immediately.

Since then, it’s only escalated. His father calls James and tells him to leave the room because he’s “tired of hearing that bitch’s annoying voice.” They’ve told us they hope we don’t have children because we “haven’t been together long enough.” They tell James he isn’t ready to be a father despite him stepping up for my boys more than most men ever would.

They’ve removed me from social media, spread rumors about me, and his father has even called my own dad to complain about me. He constantly talks badly about me to mutual acquaintances.

The thing is… James himself is incredible.

He works hard, protects us, provides for us, and has done nothing but grow throughout this relationship. I bought my house early on, but he helped turn it into a real home. Together we’ve built a peaceful, stable life. He loves my boys like they’re his own.

He was mainly raised by his mother — thank God for that woman. My future mother-in-law is wonderful and treats my children like her actual grandchildren.

James proposed in November after about a year together, and our wedding is planned for September. His father’s side has already made comments about the wedding, and James has made it clear they don’t have to attend.

But I’m at the point where I don’t think I can marry someone whose family actively hates me and disrespects my children. I don’t want my boys growing up around people who insult their mother and physically harm them, especially after fighting so hard to remove them from abuse already.

I feel like the next time something happens, I need to force the issue: either he cuts off his father and that side of the family, or I can’t continue this relationship.

Now I feel guilty because I know how awful it is to ask someone to choose between family and their partner… but I also feel like I’m choosing between protecting my peace and exposing myself and my children to ongoing abuse.

AITA?

I (25f) and my boyfriend (23m), we will call him “M”, have been together for a 1.5 years, still relatively early but our relationship is great, he’s my best friend and greatest love all in one. My issue lies with his mother. Let me first add I have tried to always be as polite and understanding as possible but things have reached a breaking point. M’s mother has always said inappropriate things around us, ex. She bought M a nail trimming kit then looked us dead in the eyes saying, “remember what I told you when you were young about women, keep your nails trimmed because of UTIs!”.. suggesting to him fingering me. I was so embarrassed as it was in front of many people on Christmas Day. M’s mother also told us a story on how she let her husband motor boat women because she “doesn’t have those goods so I mind as well let him get it somewhere else”.. I’m a pretty flat chested woman myself so it just felt super uncomfortable and targeted. The worst is when she grabbed M and forced a mouth kiss between them, it was incredibly uncomfortable to witness. M mentioned after it makes him uncomfortable, I had a hard time understanding why he hasn’t told her this. M’s mother also pits him and his brother against each other constantly, because of favouritism and money mostly. This has been increasingly stressful as M has gotten a good job and his family acts like they are owed something now. The worse part though is how M described his childhood, he told me his mother would scream and lose her mind at him telling him he’s unlovable, a failure and a criminal (he smoked weed) and it left such a deep scar that we can’t have disagreements without him completely shutting down for the fear that I’m going to act and speak to him in the same way. It’s heartbreaking. His mother never let him be his own person growing up, he never had any privacy as he got his door taken away and she would tell him to do absolutely every chore imaginable around the house so he couldn’t have a social life or hobbies. M quit smoking weed for a new job he got but was dealing with borderline psychosis, it was a rough couple weeks of withdrawal. M went to his mom and she tried to give him mushrooms… anyone in their right mind knows that would have been detrimental to his mental health and well being. His mom doesn’t want him doing good or getting away from her. It genuinely gave me the impression she wanted him so sick he would have to move back with her or something. This is just the tip of the iceberg, there’s so many more things that are insane to me. M and his mother have had conversations talking about their issues but his mother always blames it on her trauma and everything else and that it’s not her fault. It’s just how she was raised etc.. which I think is just bullshit. It all came to a head when he finally stood up to her again but got the same old responses like she always does. M just wants things to be fine and us to go for dinner there like everything is great. I don’t want to be around this woman. I broke and told him I worry about how she will act if we get engaged and married one day, and also how crazy she will be towards our kids. I personally want to cut her out of my life and not hear about their drama loop anymore. I don’t want her near me, she’s made me too uncomfortable too many times. M is very upset hearing this but understands to a point. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Am I overreacting to this? Is this wrong of me? AITA?

I (F18) have been dating my bf (M18) for about half a year now after I had a crush on him for a few years. However, we have never kissed because I don’t feel comfortable to take that step yet. My boyfriend always reassures me but my friends always tease me about this and say it’s weird, so AITAH?

AITAH for not wanting my boyfriend to share intimate details of our relationship and/or sex life with his female friends? My boyfriend (35M) and I (36F) have been together for a little over a year. One of the points of contention in our relationship is that he likes to have female friends. When I say friends, I don’t mean like high five and a “how you been?” when he runs into them, but rather girls that he has deep meaningful relationships with. I trust that it does not go beyond friendship and I have grown to accept it, at least as much as I can. That said, I have asked that there be boundaries as far as content of his conversations with them.

My position is that there are certain private things that are to be kept within the sanctity of the relationship. I am not comfortable with him discussing intimate situations and our sex life.

His position is that everyone needs to have an outlet, especially if there is trouble in the relationship and he prefers a women’s perspective. In fairness he says he would not care if I talked to a guy friend the same way, but I don’t.

For context, a while back I found out that he disclosed some very intimate details about our sex life to one of these female friends, comparing me to one of his exes. The only reason I found out was because they had a falling out and the so-called friend spilled the beans. This really hurt me. He assures me that he has not done that since, as he has no complaints in that department. The reason I mention it is because I feel that context matters and this situation has made me feel very exposed and fearful that it will happen again, especially if he sees nothing wrong with it. Which is essentially the foundation of this whole debate. Reddit, please tell me, am I completely out of line here? Are opposite sex friendships like this common, and acceptable? Am I the a-hole for having a problem with it? Give it to me straight, I can take it.