r/AITA_Relationships

I already know this is a juvenile debate but one that has caused an issue on our holiday.

My (36) BF (40), regularly takes and uses my things without asking - plug adapters, pens, work notepads, clothing (my baggy pants), sunglasses - anything he wants.

These are super small things but often cause inconveniences. Not having the notes from a work meeting, not being able to find a pen I need in the moment, the robot vacuum not doing its rounds because it's been unplugged, etc etc. it's constant.

Yesterday it was some trousers he decided he wanted and then my flip flops he wanted to use and left by the pool overnight. If I ask him "what are you doing with those X" or "Please leave those where they are" he calls me names like miserable and accuses me of causing unnecessary stress.

He's saying I'm a moaner and uptight (I am a little, admittedly). But I think he's just inconsiderate and expects me to be inconvenienced for his convenience. Am I the arsehole for wanting him to ask before using my stuff?

My boyfriend (23M) and I (19F) have been together for 7 months and we’ve had disagreements here and there but overall we have a good relationship and I love him a lot. I turned 19 a few months ago and here in Canada that means I can drink and go out clubbing. My boyfriend doesn’t like clubbing, he has already got it out of his system and went a lot before we met. He took me out a little while after my birthday and I had a few drinks but he didn’t want to get drunk so we didn’t. I had no problem with it but thought we’d just go again some other time that he was up for it. A few weeks after that we went again for a private event for his uni grad and he got absolutely plastered. I didn’t drink because I was going to drive us home, but I tried to have fun anyway. Things went sideways though when he got so drunk that I couldn’t tame him. He kept grinding on me weirdly and picked me up and put me on the platform because he wanted me to dance up there but I was sober, embarrassed, and mortified. I ended up driving him home, stopping every five minutes on the highway with my hazards in so that he could puke. So basically I had not had the proper clubbing experience that I wanted. Well a few weeks ago he was out of town on a trip and my best friend had been begging to take me clubbing since my birthday. I kept feeling like I was disappointing her by saying no, so I agreed. We made plans last minute and I texted him about it but due to time differences he saw the text while we were out. My best friend is single and so I was wingwoman for the night. I had no interest in anyone, I would never cheat or do anything that would hurt him. I just wanted to have a fun night and dance with my bestie. However bestie got talking with a guy who was really nice and they hit it off. I was really happy for her. When we decided to leave the three of us took a cab because it turns out he lived very close by. When we got to his place he asked if we wanted to come in for a bit and that he’d drive us home after. I didn’t want to let my bestie down because I could tell that she wanted to stay so I agreed. I didn’t have a bad gut feeling about him or anything. I don’t usually do things like that but I was drunk and so I just kinda went with the flow. We literally just sat on his couch and watched love on the spectrum. They cuddled and I just chilled on the other side of the couch. But then I checked my phone… my boyfriend was livid. He had spammed me with texts but I didn’t notice because my phone had been in my purse all night. He was calling me names and comparing me to his exes and so then I got pissed. I told him that everything was fine and that he was being an ass. We didn’t speak for the rest of that night. The guy dropped us off at my friends house and I spent the night there. In the morning I was still upset with how he reacted and didn’t want to piss him off any more than he already was so I didn’t tell him that we went to that guys house. Wrong move on my part, I know that, but I was really upset. We talked about it in depth when he got home and I stuck to my lie. Another wrong move. But we made up and things had been good since. Until yesterday. My bf and I were helping out with an event and guess who was also helping, yup, the guy. I told my bf that I thought the guy my bestie was seeing was there and I pointed him out. Turns out my bf knows him, like on first name basis. I went over and chatted with the guy for a few minutes, for context he’s still seeing my bestie. When I got back to my boyfriend I realized I had to tell him the truth so I told him everything and apologized profusely. He didn’t want to talk to me for the rest of the event after that but later that night it seemed like nothing was wrong. We didn’t talk about it, we just cuddled and stuff. Then today he didn’t text me all day until 10:00pm saying “hello” “are you alive” “or whatever” to which I said yes and he said that he’s still pissed off with me and that he doesn’t want to talk about it rn because he’s gaming. What do I do? I know I didn’t make the best decisions but I hate fighting with him. I haven’t lied to him before, I don’t like lying. I just need advice on what steps I need to take to make things right.

Over a period of 60 days I missed 3 calls from a friend. In the interim we texted constantly. Daily. Multiple times a day. The 3rd miss call happened while I was on vacation at the beach. This chick blew up on me. I was baffled I missed those calls and inquired why did you not say hey I tried to call and you did not answer after the first time? Why are you counting and waiting until the third time? I went back and checked - seems if you have your iPhone set to do not disturb it will go to your watch and notify you. Well if I’m not wearing my watch I don’t receive the notification. I’ve apologized profusely and let her rant and bash me. I’m an fn beotch. I’m worthless. I’m not a good friend etc.

I believe she was mad because I was on vacation. At the beach. (My family lives there so really low cost for me) we had weed. She lives in a dry state.

I’m sorry. But I do not think I was wrong. I’ve apologized. Over and over. Tried to explain and she needs a break. If you text me today I’ll block you. If you text me tomorrow I’ll block you. Seriously?? This is a 64 year old woman.

okay so im gonna try to make this as short as i can. me 'F 19' started being friends with ruby 'F 19' in middle school and we were INCREDIBLY close. i basically lived at her house, her parents loved me, i was just another member of the family basically. at the time i had a crush on james '20M' . some drama went down about crushes so as a middle schooler i told everyone i hated james and didnt like him anymore (but i did). a year later me and ruby got in an argument and we didnt talk for a few months. when we started talking again, ruby was dating james. i was trying to stick to my agenda of hating james, but we shared so many classes at school that i figured id just be nice like a normal person, and so me and james became friends. i also figured that was okay bc ruby always had us three hanging out together outside of school. then ruby had a jealousy problem and dropped all her friends (including me) bc she thought we were trying to get with james. that among other things is why we stopped being friends. There were apologies tho to try and leave it on better terms. ruby and james dated for about half a year before they broke up. a year after that is when me and james started talking and eventually dating. im still with james. its been quite a few years. problem is, i cant seem to get over mine and ruby's friendship. i have no idea why, ive sat and thought about it for hours. i think about her often, and my emotions always switch from being angry at her, feeling betrayed, to missing her, and wishing we were still friends. the only reason i havent reached out is bc i dont want to create an awkward situation due to me still dating her ex. they had a close/intimate/messy relationship and i dont want to bring that back up with either me or james being around her. im so torn between reaching out or leaving it be for the best. its been a few years so it might just be stupid for me to still be torn about this. ive been feeling like this for years but like i said, after i started dating james i didnt think it was right for me to reach out. i felt torn between both of them. what should i do?

TLDR: i want to be friends with my exbsf again after a few years but im dating her ex.

My partner (32, F) and I (31, F) have a friend (28, M). We have been off and on friends for about 4 years. This year, we set up a surprise birthday celebration asked him to be home, let his roommates know and scheduled off the day from work. We created this really awesome scavenger hunt that took him to all his favorite places and little riddles that tied into everything. We both spent close to 8 hours planning, creating riddles, and designing really intricate posters.

Here comes the issue, his bday is tomorrow. We have 3 other friends involved. He texted us tonight letting us know he may not be ready in the am because he's out drinking with one of the girls involved in this plan. And then told us he was spending the night. I will preface by saying that he has caused similar issues in the past.

A couple examples: my roommates were out of town and we asked him to stay because we are two women in a larger home and dont feel comfortable when our roommates are gone. He flaked last minute and got drunk all week with his girlfriend.

Second:

We planned a trip, he cheated on his gf who was also invited so we kicked him off the trip.

Third: my most recent birthday, he changed the plan last minute to attend a work meeting, he ended up coming the second day and was planning to come up early. He didn't come till 4pm because he drank and slept through his alarm.

I am feeling quite upset because this is a pattern and I already have a hard time dealing with change. So, would i be the scallywag for not showing up tomorrow? His other friends will be fine to take over, but at this point im feeling quite disrespected and need a third opinion.

I (34M) have been no-contact with my brother (36M) for several years due to a long history of abuse, manipulation, humiliation, and boundary violations.

I’m currently talking to a woman I really like, and if things become serious, I plan to tell her that my brother is the one person I don’t want involved in my life or relationship in any capacity.

I have no issue with a partner having male friends, a social life, or independence. This isn’t about controlling who she talks to. It’s specifically about a person I’ve intentionally removed from my life after 30+ years of toxic behavior.

Some family members and friends still have relationships with him, and I don’t try to control that. I just feel a romantic relationship is different.

AITAH for making this a firm boundary in a serious relationship?

I (17M) have know this girl, Chika(17 F), for almost 3 years now, and we were pretty good friends, we talked a lot and hung out a good amount. Prom was coming up, and I did not have anyone in mind to ask, so I started brainstorming with my friends.

That is when I brought up my friend, Chika, who I thought might have a small crush on me, but I did not really want to ask her because I wasn't even really sure I wanted to go to prom. But the day after, one of my friends tried to blackmail me into buying him food or else he would tell Chika that I wanted to go to prom with her, which I never said I was going to or wanted to. Thinking he was joking, I didn't buy him food, and he actually told her.

She said yes, but things started to get annoying. Average high school experience, once my friends and other people found out, they would constantly tease us and forcefully drag both of us out of class just to see each other, when we never did this before. It got so much that Chika told me in private that next time, if I asked her out, she would say no, which I took as her not wanting to still go to prom with me for some reason, and I thought she also wouldn't be going to prom because of how annoying everyone was.

So I decided, I wasn't gonna go to prom with my friends and would rather stay at home and grind to masters in Overwatch. Prom came and passed by without any texts or messages from anyone, but the next day at school, everyone was giving me the silent treatment and did not talk to me or acknowledge me at all. Then I asked my best friend what happened, and he told me that Chika still came to prom and asked about me, but my friends told her I wasn't coming, which upset her a lot.

I tried to apologize to Chika because I genuinely didn't mean to ditch her at prom, but she never replied to me in person or in text. She treated me like I never existed, even when we hung out as a group. It has been 3 months since that happened, and Chika has not said a single word to me. AITA? and what could I do to make Chika forgive me because she seems pretty serious about never talking to me again, and I would hate to lose my friend :(

My (f43) husband (m46) (B) lost his well paying job over 4 months ago, while I worked (still do) at a fast food chain. I work about 25hrs on average and I physically can’t handle working over 30hrs p/week. I have multiple medical conditions that keep me from being able to lift items heavier than 20lb, I can’t work longer than 7hrs in one day, and take multiple sitting breaks. I really enjoy working outside of my home and I tend to thrive in a customer service job. I am working on getting disability benefits as it is my medical conditions that keep me from working longer hours.

So, B lost his job where he worked an average of 50hrs a week. I have noticed that I am becoming resentful that I don’t think he is working hard enough to get another job (another story for another day). He did have one for about 3 weeks but he lost it and blamed a co-worker. (BTW blaming coworkers or management is a theme for him) He says he doesn’t want to go back into the field he was in before because he wants to be able to take THC (it’s recreational legal in our state but certain jobs still require you to be sober off the clock). I have tried telling him about all the places hiring where it’s okay and/or they just don’t test. As far as I can tell he’s not even filled out any applications in 2 weeks.

With all of this in mind, in the last 2-3 months, I have been ignoring the dishes, vacuuming, and laundry. But if I look at the laundry and it NEEDS to be done, I have been doing it anyway and when he had the 2-3 week job, I stepped back up and took over the chores again. Today, the argument was about our recycling bin. It’s full because no one has taken and emptied it to our community bins at the park. Our bin sits in our single car garage and is a very physical job to empty that bin (i think I have only done this alone about a handful of times in the last 2 years, all the other times, he does it or we do it together). Today I worked 7.5 hrs, we were so busy that I only got to sit 3 times, about 5 minutes at a time (usually I get more sitting than that on a Sunday). I’m so tired and in so much pain, I’m limping. I was sitting for about 45 minutes when he laid in on me about not doing my fair share around the house and how I should take care of the recycling “it’s in the garage, your car’s in the garage. If my car was in the garage, I would take it without needing to be reminded.” “I’m so tired of telling you the same things over and over and over.” (Yes, he does talk to me like i’m a child a lot. I have brought that up multiple times with him) I ignored him, rolled my eyes but still took the recycling because I don’t have the energy to argue and I needed to go to the local corner store anyway.

I just need to know for my sanity, AITA?

My husband and I have been together for well over a decade. During that time, vacations have centered around his family.
I’ve gone on family vacations with them for years, and after our last trip I finally told my husband I’m done. I don’t mean I’ll never go to dinner with them or spend time with them. I mean I don’t want to spend my vacations traveling with them anymore.
My MIL is difficult to travel with. I sometimes think she has narcissistic tendencies, although I’m obviously not diagnosing her. She talks over people constantly, interrupts, and will literally change the subject while someone else is in the middle of talking.
The biggest problem for me is boundaries. When we first started traveling together, our rooms would be near each other. We eventually stopped doing that because she would overstep and didn’t seem to understand that my husband and I wanted some privacy.
If we wanted to have dinner alone or do something by ourselves, she would take it personally. Apparently traveling together means being together all the time.
I could go on and on with examples, but I don’t want to write a novel. You get the point. This isn’t one incident. It’s been a pattern over years and multiple trips.
Now future trips are being discussed that would also include my husband’s sister and BIL.
His sister is a different issue. She is an extremely picky eater with a very limited diet, so restaurants can be difficult. She is also extremely casual about how she dresses no matter where we are. I know that sounds petty and, by itself, I wouldn’t care.
My bigger problem is her personality. She can be angry and demanding, and I really dislike the way she treats her husband. She talks down to him and sometimes humiliates him in front of other people. It’s uncomfortable to watch for a few hours, and I don’t want to spend an entire vacation around it.
My husband and I used to have a good balance on family trips. We’d spend time with everyone but also have time alone. We didn’t have to eat every meal together or do every activity as a group. Somewhere along the way that changed, and now these trips feel more like family obligations than vacations.
Here is the biggest thing for me: many times these trips have been our only real vacation of the year.
Vacations are expensive, and vacation time is limited. I want to remember where we went, what we saw, something funny that happened, or a great day my husband and I had together.
I don’t want to remember every trip as: that’s the one where his mother had a meltdown, that’s the one where everyone walked on eggshells, or that’s the one where his sister got angry and humiliated her husband.
I want to enjoy my vacation. I don’t want to spend money on what may be my only trip that year and come home remembering the family drama more than the actual vacation.
I told my husband I’m done. I’m not asking him to choose between me and his family, and I’m not telling him he can’t travel with them. He absolutely can.
I love my husband and love traveling with him. I just don’t want to spend my vacations this way anymore.

So, AITA?

My (23M) girlfriend (23F) has started a big full time job at a well known company and she asked me if i’m excited to see her new office. I said no because my office is better. for context i was extremely excited for her when she got her job and was giddy the whole night and even am planning on visiting her while she is in her new state since we will be LD. it’s been a few months after her announcement and she’s very excited still understandably.

AITAH for not being as excited to see her new office as she got very upset

Let’s just start with this: honestly, I know I’m not the a**hole, and this post is purely for me to know I’m not crazy and that the gaslighting is just making me question reality.
You’re all welcome to come for me about being spiteful or say I should just leave, but if you’ve been in my shoes, you know sometimes it can be hard. And I truly think he believes what he says when he tries to justify himself lately.
I (F30) and my boyfriend (M34) have been together about 6 years. We have 6 kids: his 3 boys, my daughter and son, and then our daughter together.
For this post, I’ll call him Landon. Landon is a great dad. He can be an amazing listener, yada yada, but when we argue it doesn’t take long for things to take a turn for the worse. I’m super hard of hearing, which, yes, is annoying, and I don’t know how else to explain it—when I hear something wrong, it’s not like I know I heard it wrong. So that escalates things because he tries to act like I’m being unreasonable, even after I’ve said sorry and taken accountability for snapping over what I thought I heard. (I do use the iPhone Live Captions setting, but it glitches and mishears people too, so my life is basically a horrible game of telephone.)
But let’s get back to my main point. No matter what or who started the fight, there have been times when he gets aggressive. He’ll apologize later and say it shouldn’t have happened, but he always doubles down that I made it happen. Not that it matters much because it’s still unacceptable, but for broader context, he has never actually “hit” me. He’s put his hands on me, yes, but I’m hoping y’all understand the stupid distinction I’m trying to make.
The most recent fight, he got in my face, nose to nose, and at one point forcefully pushed his nose into mine. He wouldn’t get out of my face no matter how much I screamed for him to or told him to leave. I’ll admit I tried to kick him in the crotch twice—once to get him out of my face and once out of retaliation after everything, when he still wouldn’t leave like he said he so badly wanted to.
I got sad during the fight and tried to step outside because I wanted a second to cry. He put his hand on the door as I opened it and held it shut. I couldn’t open it, so I waited a second to make him think I’d given up, then used my free arm to elbow the crook of his arm so he’d move it off the door. He tried to close it again, and while I was pushing back, I guess I clipped his face with my arm. He says I purposely punched him—backwards, while not even looking at his face, just trying to get out. What?!?
When we calmed down and I tried to explain that him getting physical wasn’t okay, he pulled the same, “Well, you shouldn’t have…” insert generic excuse here.
I try to explain that, yeah, anger is natural. I overreact too sometimes. But I don’t call him out of his name or get physical or aggressive unless it’s to defend myself. He’s 34 years old. I’m not saying I don’t piss him off, but I’m not holding a gun to his head. I am not in control of his actions. But he doubles down.
He blames me for defending myself and uses my own words against me. “You’re a grown adult. Learn to control your emotions.” I even tried to explain that when I got him off the door, I wasn’t reacting the way he was—I was reacting in defense of myself, and he was literally holding me hostage, even if it was only for a few minutes. I told him even a cop would tell him that. Other professionals would too.
He literally asked me to get a therapist so we could tell them about the fight because he’s convinced he didn’t react abnormally. I want to because, as spiteful as it sounds, I almost want the satisfaction of hearing a professional tell him this is abusive behavior. He tells me I’m “playing the victim,” like always, anytime I try to say I don’t like something he’s doing. Even if I take accountability for whatever I did, somehow I’m still the victim for not wanting to be insulted or scared of his actions.
I’d like to add that the love bombing started right after.
I tried one more time to talk to him, but this time I decided to actually record it. I don’t even know why I did besides wanting proof for myself. I think, in the moment, I thought maybe if he heard himself, he’d finally see what I do. But now we have physical proof of his behavior and messages that he outright denies. He blames me for his actions, gaslights me, tells me I’m playing the victim, calls me names, etc.
And I hate it all. “Why do you stay?” you all ask. Because I can’t stop questioning myself.
I do love him. Not that I want to hate him, but I hate questioning myself because he’s so sure he’s right.
I know it doesn’t help that I love all of our kids too, and I don’t want to feel like this is my fault. I don’t know.
I truly don’t know if anyone will read this, but if you do, give me your honest opinion. Maybe I’m just trying to write it all out to get some catharsis for myself.

I'm 18F with 21M for the past 2 years we met at school in august 2024 and I was head over heels for him like there was no one else in the world. fast forward to last august something was PULLING me toward his phone to check it (I used to trust him with everything) I looked in his history and found (aussieh00kups) and what got me is that he set is location to MY town not his. (we live 40 mins away from each other) was he planning to get someone else after he left my place?? and the women he were looking at were extremely skinny, im 5'7ft & 70kg for example id be lucky if they were 60 kg and 5ft. he was at my place when it happened and I just went numb. fast forward again I haven't had seggs for nearly 3 months I just feel disgusting about it and I explained that seggs was the last thing on my list in a relationship. and he keeps making sexual comments about me wanting seggs and i just cant bring myself to do it. I'm trying to fix this but the comments and thought in the back of my head saying hes only sorry because he got caught won't go away. im so lost.

AITA?

My husband is best man in an upcoming wedding. The maid of honor is someone I went to school with.. and our history isn't the most friendly. My best friend tragically passed away, and there were several hurtful and unnecessary comments made that were never apologized for - she only apologized for the way it made me feel. I am having discomfort thinking about seeing him walk down the aisle with someone who left such a taste in my mouth.

I don't want them to change anything about the wedding, I understand that the way I am feeling is not normal and due to my past trauma. However, I don't want to ruin a special day they can't get back due whatever negative mood it may cause to me.. so I am choosing to go out of town that weekend. I am in the process of healing (attempting to) CPTSD and there are so many layers, the symbolism of seeing them linked down the aisle and my insecurities is just a bad combination for all involved right now. Maybe someday I will be strong enough, but for now... I am not. Everyone thinks I am being ridiculous. AITA and being selfish? Or is it ok to act in the best interest of them and myself in this manner? Halp plz 🙃

For context: I would be just attending, not super close with the couple. He would be seated at the main table and I would be at a separate one. I know maybe just under half the people who will be going.

For context: Me and my fiance have been long distance for about 2 years of our 4 year relationship.

Today, she suddenly told me that she was going to a nude beach by herself next weekend. I showed and vocalized obvious discomfort with her going to watch naked people while in a relationship and told her that I would prefer she didnt go.

Her exact response was “Well.. im gonna go anyway.”

So obviously i got upset with her and fought my case, but she was not having it. She insists she iss “just going to a beach”. I told her that there are hundreds of beaches that are around that she could go to that are not nude beaches. Its not that i dont trust her, its just a boundary that i think is too much to cross. More like she doesnt respect me as a partner.

AITA for getting angry that i feel she is disrespecting me by going against my wishes and going to a nude beach by herself?
(She will not be naked herself, but rather going to watch people)

I was widowed with young kids at 39. Remarried and divorced from a husband that was a serial cheater. Met a man on dating site that had been widowed 4 years earlier. At first he was seriously the best ever and took me on trips was over the top sweet and made me believe in loyal men and an ability to trust again. Fast forward 2.5 years and multiple breakups and get back togethers I’m here again. Can someone be too nice? He never disagrees with me, but also spends so much time trying to please everyone! Boundaries for his adult, entitled children are virtually non existent and if they ask him to run and get them food when he is supposed to be coming to my house, he will postpone coming over to oblige. If we are out on a date and they call he not only answers, but will have detailed conversations with them and says they are his kids so will always want to answer, so if i don’t want him to-he will leave his phone in the car. Also, his gorgeous spacious home is falling into disrepair and he has no ability to take care of upkeep- we are talking about leaking roofs and caving in sining room ceilings that have been that way for the entire time we have been dating. Other rooms are so packed with items they are unusable. Its not a money issue, its a i can do this and just want to find the time, but he never does. He finally relocated most of his deceased wife’s clothes to the garage 1.5 years after we started dating because i brought it up multiple times. I could go on, but must point out he is loving, excessively kind, attractive, set up for retirement similar to me, but every time i get back with him i feel frustrated and want to push back and create space. AITA for repeatedly trying to push him to make the changes i want and when they don’t happen i break up with him - over and over…..

I'm a 29yr old autistic male that has had a strained relationship with my mother. She divorced my step dad when I was 11 and during my teenage years she spent most of her time drinking herself to black out point. She would let my older brother drink before he was legally allowed to by grog and all his friends would hang out at our place even when my brother wasn't home.

If I ever said she shouldn't be doing this she would say I don't give a F. There were even times she would cuss out at my brother saying things like 'you fucking little shit I brought you into this world I will take you out' and if anyone called her out on her parening she would respond with ' thats just the way the world is they need to learn that' she would even get my brother to help her buy pot off of people he knew.

She constantly lied to my grandparents saying she needed money for my tutoring which i was in a public school I never had any other tutoring of the sort and saying my brother owed drug money to people when he never did cause his plug was a childhood friend of his. She also had an abusive BF who hit her and even got into fights with my brother and his friends and he even tried to SA a girl who I was friends with at school. And no matter what she would always put her BF before anyone else even me and my Brothers.

After an incident that led to my brother being arrested we were kicked out of the house we were renting so I went to live with my step dad.

Me and him have always had a good bond. He always encouraged me to do and try new things in life. He bought me my first car, he encouraged me to get my motorcycle license,he's even leaving the house to me in his will and whenever I would talk bad about my mum he would remind me that I still love her and if I didn't I wouldn't care about her at all.

Were as my mother would hold me back thinking I couldn't handle it so to speak,she never really tried to bond with me either, as long as I was in my room playing my games she didn't care.

After living with my dad for a few years we would catch up with my grandparents who were always grateful for my step dad for taking care of me. My grandpa would tell me stories about when she was young she would constantly yell at him and she even ran away when she was 15, my Da would put out posters get ads in the newspaper and the radio to spread the message. He got so desperate he eventually went to the local hells angels chapter to help him and they did. When she came back she would hit and spit on him, after that they sent her to live with my great grandmother.

I would visit mum from time to time but she would act like nothing ever happened and if I or anyone would bring up the past she would get angry and act like we're accuing her of war crimes, she would sometimes say ' I always clothed and fed you both, kept a roof over your head' like that's some kind of trump card. That's what you're supposed to do for your kids.

Recently my aunt was up for a visit and they were going to have dinner at a pub. But she told my brother not to invite my dad, which rubbed me the wrong way because whenever me and him went out we'd always try to include her,my brother and his family and even whatever BF she had at the time to come out with us.

So I went down and had the dinner, after it I would pull her aside.

" I understand why you didn't want dad here cause of your new BF but I don't understand why can't you get along with him?'. " mate you don't understand, I don't want my BF to feel uncomfortable and I would be uncomfortable with it, of he was here he would start talking and bringing up the past (which he never did at any time we were all together) you're my son and I don't want him in my life" is what she said and I told her multiple times I understand but she needs to understand that my dad has done more for me and my Brothers than she ever did and like it or not he's apart of our lives.

"I understand but dad has done more for us then you ever did" She shook her head and walked away saying " I'm not having this conversation with you " that was it for Me. "Don't worry we won't be having another conversation again than, you're dead to me" I said. "I don't care" she retorted.

I was getting ready to organise a day to catch up with her and try to remake a connection with her but after that I decided no more. I'm done with her and her lies, I've blocked her number and unfriended her on FB.

I had a talk with my eldest brother who has been through the same kind of thing I'm going through right now, he said I need to just give it some time and try talk to her again. But after all the emotional abuse, neglect and the constant lies she has done I don't think I will ever want to. So am I the bad guy in this situation??

Throwaway account because my friends know my main.I’ve been with my girlfriend "Sarah" for about a year. Everything has been great up until last night. For context, my best friend "Maya" has been in my life since we were literally five years old. Our families are close, and she is basically a sister to me. Because we grew up together, we are very physically affectionate—we hug tightly when we see each other, lean on each other on the couch, and are just generally close. It has never, ever been romantic or sexual. It is 100% platonic. Sarah has known about Maya since day one.

Last night, Sarah was over at my apartment. Out of nowhere, she brought up Maya. She said the way Maya and I act around each other makes her deeply uncomfortable. She claimed that "hugging and being that close" with another girl is disrespectful to our relationship.I tried to explain that it's just how we've always been, but Sarah wouldn't listen. She dropped a massive ultimatum: she told me I need to cut connections with Maya completely and push her away, or we are done.

I completely shut down. I cannot stand controlling behavior or ultimatums, especially under my own roof. I stood up, walked to the front door, opened it, and told Sarah she needed to leave my apartment immediately because the relationship was over.Sarah was shocked and started crying, saying it was past midnight and she didn't have her car. She asked me to order and pay for her Uber like I usually do when she visits. I looked at her and said, "You chose to come into my home and try to force me to abandon my childhood friend. Figure out your own logistics." I closed the door on her. She had to wait outside in the cold and pay a high surge-price fare to get home.

, her friends are blowing up my phone calling me an unhinged, dangerous piece of trash for leaving a girl stranded at night over a disagreement. I'm starting to feel a bit bad about the Uber situation, but I also feel like I had to protect my boundaries against a manipulator.Was I too harsh, or did she bring this on herself

Today

I've been with my partner (30M) for about a year. I'm 37F. We don't live together.

Overall, our relationship is good. We enjoy spending time together, have similar interests, and genuinely care about each other.

For context: yes, he's younger. No, it's not a huge age gap at our age, but I definitely expected the stereotype to work a little better.
I'm very active. I run, climb, lift, go to festivals, stay busy and honestly have more energy than most people my age.

Apparently, I'm the boyfriend in every dead bedroom story, except I'm a 37-year-old woman.

I seem to have a much higher libido than he does, which feels weird to admit because usually Reddit is full of guys complaining that their wives are tired, stressed, have headaches, too much on their plates, and they haven't had sex in weeks.

Well, in my relationship, I'm that guy.
And honestly, I don't need some movie-worthy passionate experience every day. I'd be perfectly happy with a shower quickie from time to time.

The issue is that when sex only happens every week or two, a quickie stops feeling spontaneous and starts feeling like that's our entire sex life.
Recently, before going out, he suggested a quickie in the shower.
I said no because I wanted actual time together later. I literally told him: "Let's go out, have fun, and when we get back, we're having proper sex."

Throughout the evening I started hinting that I was ready to leave. Mentioned the time, nudged him a bit, tried to make it obvious that I wanted to head home. He either genuinely didn't notice or simply didn't connect the dots.

Eventually we got home.

We got into bed, and instead of making any kind of move, showing initiative, or even trying, he slowly got up and went to play games on his computer.

For the record, I'm a gamer too. Gaming itself isn't the problem. I completely understand wanting to play games. I do it myself.

What bothered me was the timing.

We've only been together for a year. We don't live together. We'd already talked about having sex later that night. I'd been trying to signal that I wanted to go home.

And when we finally got there, he chose gaming.
I was just lying there in his bed, in his apartment, wondering what the hell I was even doing there.

Honestly, if I hadn't had a few drinks that night, I probably would've gotten in my car and driven home.

Now I'm wondering if I'm being unreasonable.
Am I asking too much by wanting more intimacy in a one-year relationship?

Or is it fair to feel hurt when it seems like I'm constantly the one initiating, planning, hinting, and hoping, while my partner seems perfectly okay with sex happening only when it's convenient for him or not happening at all?
AITA?

I know I’m the asshole for invading her privacy.
My wife and I have been together a long time. We have kids, a home, and what I thought was a strong, happy marriage. Lately we’ve even grown closer—more affectionate, more intimate, making future plans.
Months ago, after a work night out, she came home acting very out of character—crying, ashamed, and withdrawn. I assumed she’d just had too much to drink and didn’t press it.
A few days later, while helping my son with her phone, I accidentally saw a WhatsApp message where she said she was disappointed a male colleague had gone home “to his wife.” It struck me as odd, but I felt guilty for seeing it and said nothing.
That message stuck with me.
Last week, after she’d been drinking and left her phone unlocked, I gave in and searched for that colleague’s name. I know that was wrong.
What I found shocked me. Over the past two years, she’d repeatedly referred to this man as her “unrequited love” and even “the love of her life” in chats with friends and family. She said she’d “definitely have an affair” with him and compared herself negatively to his wife.
The earlier message made more sense in context—she’d told friends she was disappointed he went home to his wife, and instead of pushing back, they encouraged her feelings. It felt less like joking about a crush and more like discussing a missed romantic opportunity.
There’s no evidence of anything between them directly—no flirting or messages exchanged. It seems entirely one-sided, and I don’t think he even knows how she feels.
What confuses me is that during all this, our marriage has felt genuinely good. We’ve been close, affectionate, and connected. The same day I looked at the messages, she’d been complimenting me and acting loving.
Part of me thinks this is just an unhealthy fantasy that got reinforced by her friends. I know people can develop crushes in long relationships. She’s also perimenopausal, though I don’t know if that’s relevant.
What hurts most isn’t fear of a physical affair—I don’t think there’s been one. It’s the idea that if he’d shown interest, she might have chosen him over me. It makes me question whether I’ve been her second choice.
At the same time, I feel guilty because I wouldn’t know any of this if I hadn’t gone looking. And I can’t pretend I’ve never found others attractive or engaged in harmless flirting.
So:
● Would I be the asshole for admitting I looked through her messages and confronting her?
● From women especially, are private conversations like this common, or does this cross a line?
● Does this seem like an out-of-control fantasy or an emotional affair?
● Am I overreacting, underreacting, or would this shake your trust too?

Thanks for responses so far.

To give a bit more context about the other man, I can understand why my wife developed a crush. He’s exceptionally successful in the same field she works in, has published several books, has done significant humanitarian work, comes from an incredibly wealthy background and moves in social circles that most people only ever read about. By almost any objective measure, he’s impressive.
By comparison, I’m a primary school teacher who grew up on a council estate. I don’t have his status, money or profile, and I’ve never pretended otherwise. That doesn’t mean I think less of myself, but it does mean I can see why someone who already admired his work could end up developing a crush after spending time with him.
From everything I’ve seen, though, I don’t think he’s aware of it at all. He comes across as someone who’s friendly and engaging with everyone, not someone who’s been flirting with my wife or encouraging anything inappropriate. That’s why I don’t believe there’s been an affair or that he’s reciprocating her feelings.
The issue for me isn’t that she found someone impressive. Most people will meet someone attractive or accomplished during a long marriage. It’s the emotional investment afterwards—the private messages, the disappointment that he “went home to his wife,” and the way some of her friends seemed to encourage the fantasy rather than remind her of the reality—that has left me feeling hurt and questioning where the boundaries should be.

Update:
Firstly, thank you to everyone who’s taken the time to comment, even those who have been brutally honest. I’ve read every reply, even if I haven’t responded to many.
One reason I’ve posted here is because I genuinely haven’t been able to talk this through with my friends or family. I’m too embarrassed and humiliated. It feels incredibly exposing, and I don’t think I could bring myself to tell people who know us what’s happened.
A lot of people have jumped straight to divorce. I understand why, but I want to be clear that divorce is absolutely the last resort for me. I love my wife. I’m still in love with her. Until I accidentally saw that first message, I’d have said the last year or so had actually been one of the happiest periods of our marriage. We were laughing together, spending more time together, exercising together and making plans for the future. That’s part of what has made this so difficult to process.
Before this, I was never a jealous or controlling husband. She had complete freedom, and I never felt the need to check up on her or worry about who she was talking to. Seeing that accidental message changed something in me. I hate that it has. I don’t like the person I’ve become since finding out, constantly questioning what’s real and what isn’t.
I also don’t think she deliberately set out to develop feelings for someone else. I understand that sometimes emotional attachments happen gradually, even when people don’t intend them to. That doesn’t excuse the choices that followed, but I don’t believe this started with malicious intent.
In a strange way, I even feel sorry for her. She worked incredibly hard for years to build her career and earn a promotion she was so proud of. Whatever happens now, she’s jeopardised all of that through decisions that I don’t think she ever imagined would snowball into this situation. It’s tragic, really. I don’t think anyone comes out of this as a winner.
I’m still hurt, angry and confused. But despite everything, my first instinct isn’t to end my marriage. It’s to understand how we got here and whether there’s any honest way back from it.

New update
One thing I’ve been turning over in my head is that neither he nor anything to do with him has been mentioned in the messages for several months. I don’t know what that means. Maybe nothing. Maybe everything.
Part of me wonders whether, unbeknownst to me, she made her decision some time ago and chose our marriage. Looking back, she has been noticeably more affectionate over the past few months, and things between us have genuinely felt better. If that’s because she recognised where this was heading and put a stop to it herself, then that matters.
But another part of me knows I can’t assume that’s what happened. The problem is that I only know what I’ve seen, and there are huge gaps that my mind keeps trying to fill in. Right now I’m trying not to write a story in my own head without evidence.
That’s probably the hardest part of all. Even if she did decide to end whatever emotional attachment had developed, she made that decision without ever telling me what had happened or giving me the chance to understand it. So while our relationship may have improved, I was rebuilding something without knowing it had ever been damaged.

I may be biased already. But my(29f) FIL(50’sm) wife(stepMIL) passed a few months ago from cancer. But while she was sick, her family accused and contacted authorities because they felt FIL was basically medically neglecting her. She passed at the end of last year and of course, stepMIL family wanted him charged with her passing(too much to explain for the post). But only 1.5 mos after her passing, FIL gets a new GF and is completely up her ass. Sold or trashed all of step MIL thins and it’s like she’s been completely forgotten. 13 years of marriage….
And now, FIL is trying to shove his new GF down our throats. It’s all he talks about. Never his grandkids, never anything else but this new GF. When I had a birthday party for my children(his grandkids) and he brought her, he stayed glued to her hip the entire time on the edge of the party and didn’t even really interact with my kids. Ive made no effort to get to know her because what kind of woman dates a man whose wife passed 1.5 mos ago but then acts so callous afterwards? I don’t want to know. And she makes comments about it so she knows….
This is where I am today though.
Because FIL is up new GF’s ass, he goes and spends DAYS at her house leaving his two pet dogs at home with no one checking on them. Last night we had a massive storm that cut the power and also it was the 4th of July so fireworks + dogs. ITS HOT. Does he seemed worried about the dogs when I asked him today? No, he was more worried about new GFs house and the damage at her house. When I talk to my husband he just says “idk” and seems really annoyed with me, but those were his family dogs too. He lived with those dogs for years before we moved into a house together. Hubby also keeps trying to shove the new GF down my throat…. And when I bring it up to my MIL or hubby, they act like I’m being crazy. Like there’s nothing wrong with all of this. When I had my husband go over and check on the dogs because his dad(FIL), 36 hours later, still had not been home and no one had even been there to check on the dogs, he acted annoyed.
AITA for being disgusted by all of this or voicing my opinion? I’ve refused to even be around FIL because I’m still grieving the loss of stepMIL(who I knew for almost 5 years) and I refuse to listen to him shove new GF or tell us about how exciting his life is now. I cannot believe that hubby, and my actual MIL seems to be encouraging all of this. My hubby gets mad when I bring any of it up, but no, I don’t want to hear about how great the conversation was between you and your dad about how great his life is now. It all feels so callous and disgusting to me.
So, AITA for refusing to be around FIL, bringing up my feelings to my hubby, and feeling disgusted with every person in this situation?