r/AITA_Relationships

AITA for becoming friends with my best friend’s boyfriend’s ex?

Please help. Friendship breakup

Hannah (27F) and I (27F) have been best friends for 10 years. We were extremely close and basically inseparable.

Last year, I became friends with Olivia (26F) through field hockey. Hockey has honestly been a lifesaver for me, and I’ve made some incredible friendships.

One night, Olivia and I were having a few drinks with some of our teammates when we realised we had both dated the same guy, Cam. We laughed about it because she dated him in high school and I dated him during COVID, so neither of us really cared.

A little while later, after a group photo of me and Olivia was posted, Hannah told me that Olivia had previously dated her boyfriend Tate, who she’d been with for about a year.

Apparently Olivia and Tate had a very messy ending. I don’t know the details because Hannah has never really explained what happened, other than that it was bad.

After seeing another group photo of me hanging out with Olivia, Hannah stopped talking to me.
She eventually asked me to meet her at the local beach so we could talk.

This conversation became extremely heated. Hannah told me I had betrayed her, that I wasn’t loyal and said “I wouldn’t do this to my best friend, but that’s just me.” I was completely caught off guard and started crying. She then said “You always do this with the waterworks.” I told her that the conversation was becoming nasty and asked what she would do if she were in my position. She eventually said that as long as she could trust me, she thought it should be okay. I thought we’d worked through it, but now I feel silly thinking that.

A while later, I invited Hannah and Tate to a weekend away with a group of friends. They couldn’t attend. Some of the other friends who were going asked if Olivia could come as well, as most of the group were people I’d met through hockey.

Hannah and I later met for coffee, and she was stand off ish for a while and then finally said that she was disappointed that I’d put her and Tate in that position by having Olivia there. I asked whether Tate had said anything to her about it, but she said no. We talked through it and I was honestly hurt that she questioned my loyalty again.

After that coffee, things seemed okay again. Hannah came over to see my new flat, we caught up, and I gave her a pearl bracelet for her birthday. I thought things were improving. Then she stopped speaking to me again.

It’s now been about four months. I’ve reached out several times and tried to maintain contact, but she hasn’t responded.

She did message me a while after my grandfather died to say she was sory and was thinking of my family. She also messaged me on my birthday to wish me a happy birthday and hope I’d had a great day. But otherwise, we’ve had no real contact.

I don’t want to minimise what happened between Tate and Olivia. If their breakup was genuinely traumatic or involved something I don’t know about, I can understand why Hannah would be upset by me becoming friends with Olivia.

At the same time, I didn’t become friends with Olivia because of her history with Tate. I met her through hockey, became friends with her, and only found out about the connection afterwards. I also haven’t tried to make Hannah spend time with Olivia, get involved in their history, or choose Olivia over Hannah.

So, AITA for becoming friends with Olivia and continuing that friendship despite knowing she was my best friend’s boyfriend’s ex?

And now that Hannah hasn’t spoken to me for four months despite my attempts to reach out, where do I go from here?

[supprimé]

So me (20) and my fiance (22) have been together for 4 years. At the start we were quite intimate with each other but it has stopped quite a lot these past 3 years and now is non-existent. Backstory to this is that I'm asexual and have no sexual desire at all and my fiance is very aware of this, my fiance on the other hand has needs like a "normal" person. I also do have quite a lot of trauma surrounding the subject from the past 3 years which he again is very aware of but has always kinda/fully dismissed it. For the past week or so, he has repeatedly been upset at me for not wanting any (not talking to me, being quiet and apparently now harming himself as well)even though I've made it clear that I will tell him if it's okay (he has never pressured me into it though!) and right now it seems to be driving quite big of a wedge in our relationship and I don't know what to do anymore. I see our relationship as much more than just that kind of intimacy but it's starting to seem like that's all he's seeing and without it, theres no good relationship for him I guess. He also has started to question if I even love him anymore because of this like wtf, all I do everyday is give him closure and tell him that I love him, but apparently any other type of closure doesn't mean anything to him and I'm starting to get annoyed. I understand that he has needs but it can't be that hard to also respect my boundaries which I've very clearly communicated to him and well, not be mad at me for not wanting to do something that makes me anxious. Am I in the wrong or?

I found out he messaged a goth OF girl on threads two months into our relationship and just said “boo”. (She didn’t reply) Then he admitted that he looks at girls suggested accounts on instagram out of “curiosity”. I told him if he wanted to fix things he’d have to delete both apps and he did. However, he has a group chat on instagram with his good friends that he doesn’t see often and I feel badly for taking that away from him as they don’t use texts. He’s great in every other way but I’m not sure if it’s better to just end things.

I F36, and my husband is M37, let us call him John have been together for 10 years and married for 2.

After the wedding, I got pregnant and moved from the country I had been living in to the country where John works, which is on the opposite side of the continent.

I am a stay-at-home mom for the time being, but I am going to start working soon. I do have my own salary. My husband works between 10 and 12 hours daily.

Since I moved here, my mom has visited once to help when I delivered my baby, she stayed for one month, and my FIL was here as well. John owns a restaurant where his cousin and my FIL work, both live in a neighboring country twelve hours car ride away.

All the time i lived here, we have had someone living with us. If my FIL leaves, the cousin comes; when the cousin leaves, my FIL comes, and occasionally my husband's uncle does too.

I forgot to mention that we live in a two-bedroom apartment. John, my son, and I share one room, and the other one is for whoever is visiting at the time. In the best month, I get ten days, non-consecutive, with no visitors.

I have been doing all the cleaning, changing all the bed sheets, doing the laundry, cooking, and buying the groceries, sometimes I pay and sometimes my husband does, but never our guests. They use everything I buy, including toiletries, shampoo (we need a new one every 3 days) , shower gel is enough for 4 days top), and deodorant, you get the picture. I lost count on how manytimes i went in to shower, only to find out that all the bottles are empty. It has been a little over a year now.

The last time the cousin was here, I had bought four bottles of deodorant that John and the cousin shared, and they used them all in one week. So, i decided enough is enough and stopped buying anything. A few days later, the cousin came out of his room while I was minding my business in the living room, holding a deodorant of a different brand than the ones I buy, and asked me to buy more because he had run out.

This man had been keeping his own things untouched while using my husband's things all this time, and he had the audacity to ask me for more. After this incident, I asked my husband to tell them to stop coming, as I want the room for our son and I am uncomfortable having someone here 24/7.

Since then, my FIL came twice and stayed 10-15 days each time, and now the cousin is here. I have had enough.

I spoke to John and told him to speak to his cousin to find other accommodation because if we are living like this, I am leaving him. He said he understands and he will fix it. The day after, nothing happened andI woke up to find the whole milk carton I bought for my son empty. Guess who drank it all. If you say the cousin, you win. I woke John and told him to go get milk before I lose my temper.

I gave the ultimatum again and told him to give me a date when the cousin will move. "Soon" is not cutting it for me anymore. He said before Friday today is Sunday.

If any visitors are here on Friday, I am leaving and not coming back! So, am I the a-hole for giving my husband an ultimatum that it is me or his family?

Husband and I are married about 6 months. I have seen my parents burnt in the past with combining all finances, so when we got married I suggested a prenup.

Prenup is signed, his house, retirement and pension and premarital accounts in his name stay with him. I live with him (his home is paid off) so I have my savings account (this has profits from my house I sold when we got together, I use the interest to fund my Roth IRA) and my personal checking.

I opened a checking and a savings at his credit union. I currently pay all bills and will continue to do so when he retires (he will retire several years before me) so I said for visibility, I would route the bill money to the checking and add him as a user so he could see and make payments if anything happened to me. Same with the savings, that is where I put all my post martial profits (bonuses, I sold my vehicle when I got a company car, etc) I have said all money I make post marriage is money for us to decide what to do as a family. My only thing is I keep a personal checking and my house profits stay untouched

For reference, he has a HELOC he opened and uses all his money each month to pay it off (and keep money in checking) so I agreed to cover the bills to get him debt free.
I also use my bonuses for the HELOC to pay it off faster. He has tried to give me a hard time about not giving up the house profits. But if something were to happen, I need a cushion. He now thinks he should have access to all of my accounts, including my ones at my separate bank. I said no, that is my private checking and savings. He is in my will in case I die and will get all of that money.

He says me keeping money means I’m going to leave him. I say quite the opposite.

Am I being an AH here? I don’t care about seeing or having access to his checking. These are just joint accounts for our family, so I have no problem sharing where the money I am spending on electric, propane etc is going. I just feel I want one bit of financial autonomy.

I, 40M had been married to my (now) ex-wife 39F, let’s call her “Jen”, for over 20 years and I found out she had been cheating on me with a coworker.

Background: We met as teenagers working at a grocery store and eventually got married. We have no kids, 2 dogs and a home. We both went to school, but she went for a masters so I moved around with her, taking jobs in different cities, not staying long enough to get a good job myself. I’m an outgoing people person and she’s an introverted person who holds a grudge against everyone that she feels “wronged” her, and she’s never had a friend since middle school (this will make sense later).

2006 to 2017 - we’ve moved almost every other year at this point - she has found a job she really likes that pays well, great benefits and whatnot. I’ve worked different places, making friends anywhere I go. We decide this is the final landing spot for us. She starts work, loves it for 6 months, then a coworker has a bad day after a traumatic event at home and Jen decides that she doesn’t want to work there anymore because this person was upset. She asks and (because she kept crying) asks for summers off so she can feel nature again and wants to be in a constant school setting.

Fast forward to the Pandemic - we had very rarely fought but she was feeling the pandemic was draining her mental health but we bought a home in a nicer neighbourhood and she was feeling better - I had been bouncing between jobs and felt stuck at a retail position that paid well (manager salary) because of the really good benefits and the security of it during this time. She had started to gain some weight and felt like it was taking a toll on her day to day and said it was the people at her office that made her eat (I know them and they’re incredibly nice people, even asking her to events and to make presents and that for her). We still have a good relationship at this point.

2022 - I get a job at the same place she’s at for work that I really wanted to do. It’s as close to as a dream job as anyone could ask for. My pay doubles and I have far less stress on a day to day basis. 2 years go by and we both get approved for a 1 time, 6 month work transfer to the other side of the country, all the boarding, food, transportation was provided and made extra each day for being a transfer. We were stoked but I had to stay back to watch the dogs (no one would take them, apartment can’t take dogs temporary location, no family to ask either). She begged to go so she can feel the nature and enjoy her time in the scenic west coast. I reluctantly agreed but I loved her more than anything and wanted her to be happy. We visited each other for a few days each month and she was doing much better, even making a friend who I met and was wonderful.

2025 - she applies for and gets a transfer promotion to a city that’s 2+ hours away - the company agrees to transfer me to the same city but different work location. We move in the fall of 2025 and have our first really big fight - she’s upset because I needed some time before continuing to clean because I was feeling sick, even though I had been doing the whole house clean/purge for months by myself. She left to go see her parents 3 hours away and spent the night. She came back, apologized and I asked if she wanted to still be together - she said yes and had no issues for a while.

We moved to a home we called our “retirement home” and I put all my savings into it, making upgrades to everything she wanted done. When we got settled, she spent the following 7 months sitting, watching TV and not wanting to do anything. From there she started accruing a significant amount of debt, even asking me for a loan (she makes more than 2x I do) even though I pay all the bills outside of the mortgage (50-50 split on what we pay for everything). Red flags started popping up when she started hiding her phone, and wanted to be left alone. She had been seeing our coworker - I found out after he texted her something spicy and confront her about it. She said she’s doing it because she’s liking the attention. We talked about it and she said she will stop - even taking time off work to not see them. Then she went back and I found out from her sister that she was really into him, continuing it. I confronted her again and she said she wanted a separation because she wanted to sleep with him, then explained he’s “happily” married with kids and didn’t want to continue with her only to find out they had a “brief” sexual encounter. He then called it off but she’s still pushing him to leave his family for her.

AITA for wanting to confront him about this?

Edited to clarify that it was a coworker she was seeing.

i’m trying to figure out if I am overreacting.

My fiancé and I have been together for 2 1/2 years living under the same roof two of those years. We are both in our mid 40s and I have two children from my first marriage who passed away.

He has had a very strict/rigid routine for his whole adult life. And I was aware of that overtime, though I felt like I was just expected to fit in wherever I could not the time was actually made. He works from 7 to 6, an hour and a half five days a week working out at the or at home, and then about an hour and 30 to an hour and 45 minutes every night doing his bathroom routines. I have asked for more intentional time and he has stated that he will not alter the schedule or the days of the week that he works out. he participates in very little family activities. And sleeps in on Sundays every weekend 10am. I feel like there is no relationship. Even the bedroom has very strict rules about not wanting to be intimate during the week and having a very limited window around lunchtime on Saturdays. It’s always what he wants to watch what he wants to listen to.

straw that finally broke me was when I was sick and asked him to skip the and come home to help me with the kids and he chose the gym. I have never asked for help before and now I’m the bad guy. I feel like I’m losing my mind. AITA?

Ive always struggled with a porn addiction. It’s something that I have never been able to shake since I was a teenager. I’m now 29 and my girlfriend is 28, we’ve been together for the past 3 years. She’s known about my addiction since the first year we got together and expressed she had no problem with it. The past few weeks, she’s become more irritable and annoying to be around, especially when she catches me watching porn. She’s been arguing that my addiction is starting to get out of hand, apparently i’ve been watching it/talking about it more often. I don’t see the problem here especially since i’ve been open and honest about my struggles from the start.

A while back, an OF creator by the name of “bonnie blue” was having an event hosted near the area i live in. I was planning to go with a few of my mates (not to participate, just to watch as i’ve been a long time subscriber to her) and somehow my girlfriend found out about this. I explained to her that I wasn’t going to do anything and I was only going to be there for moral support of my friends which she replied to crying and locking herself in our bedroom. I got annoyed and started an argument with her. It seems that i’m starting to build a resentment towards her after this incident and I don’t know what to do going forward. Am I the asshole? I truly don’t believe i’ve done anything wrong as I already told her i wasn’t going to do anything and that all i wanted to do was see a person i’ve been interested in for a while. What should I do?

TL:DR
I 32F and my partner 36F have been together for 7 years married for 2.

On paper we have a beautiful relationship! We work well together, our friends come to us for advice, we have built a beautiful life with a big house and 4 dogs!

Recently we had a huge argument over her lack of following through with plans and how whenever I compromise for her it makes her feel inadequate.

In the heat of the argument she said “fuck you” and accused me of misunderstanding her on purpose, after misreading a text I sent. The text was repeating back to her what she was expressing and at the end I put “am I missing anything?” To me it’s a simple “correct me if I’m wrong” but to her interpretation it was uncalled for and warranted the “fuck you” response.

I didn’t speak to her for two days until she caught on and asked to speak. She apologized for misreading my text and for escalating a simple argument into a big blow up. I wanted her to speak fully and express her pain and feelings because I didn’t want her to feel unseen or misunderstood. She started off soft and kind but when I mentioned the “fuck you” statement and how it was completely uncalled for she flipped.

“It’s how I was feeling in the moment.” I told her that you can’t feel “fuck you” and that you can feel dismissed, frustrated, upset, etc that you can feel emotions and that fuck you simply is not an emotion nor is it okay to say to a partner.

She felt justified in saying “fuck you” because she assumed I was intentionally misunderstanding her and refusing to see her side. To her I only brought up the fact that she falls through when making plans and keeping promises to guilt trip her and my solution of making compromises for her/the relationship, to make things easier, is making her feel inadequate.

I apologize for making her inadequate and offered a better phrase to say instead of “am I missing anything.” I had to explain to her after that I do not respond well to aggressive language like that, which she knows. I tearfully had to mention my trauma about aggression. My parents would argue A LOT and things would get heated my Dad would say something out of left field, Mom would go silent and take it out on me and my siblings. Luckily we do not have children but I cannot be in that environment again.

The whole time I’m explaining this she is looking at me with these eyes? I always called them shark eyes because they’re sharp and dark? At first I figured she was just annoyed with me bringing it up. But luckily she apologized and said that she would try now to use language like that during arguments.

But what came after was almost worse.

Hours later after we had addressed her feelings of inadequacy and what we can both do to help her feelings less of that I couldn’t shake her eyes and my frustration I still felt over the FU situation.

I told her that the second I brought up the FU statement and how it made me feel, expressing the pain and hurt it caused, she was looking at me with these shark eyes? With contempt, and how it made me feel uneasy and question if I was wrong for bringing it up instead of letting it slide.

She said she was looking at me with contempt and in fact she hated me sometimes. I was shocked and stunned, I didn’t know what to say.

I asked her what do I do or say that caused her to hate me sometimes and she told me she couldn’t answer.

I left for a few hours to cry, cool off, and sit with what I just heard. When I got back I asked her again, “why?” She said that she has hate for only people she loves? Like her mom or brother or her best friend?

I told her I don’t know how to feel or how to move forward knowing she hates me sometimes. This is completely normal to her and she doesn’t empathize or understand why I am reacting the way I am. I am overacting to her?

AITA for questioning our relationship? I don’t know what to do.

My boyfriend(30m) has a girl "best friend" who we will call amber. Amber (30f) is always texting him, asking him to do things, giving him money, paying for things, etc. Amber texted him once "horny Amber entering the chat" and sent him and AI video on instagram that was a little creature going "I miss you, I wanna kiss you, i wanna hold you, etc." Amber saved pur address as bae for my boyfriend. Amber also once told him she had a surprise for him and the surprise was her own apartment which she did not want me to know about (he told me right after he got home.)

Today he had Amber come over because we had to run an important errand and both had to go and Amber was there to watch his child. After we did what we needed to we were doing some other errand s when Amber texted him and told him she wanted to leave. He had me drop him off and I (f32) continued what we were doing. I ended up getting home earlier than expected and Amber was still there. I then went to my boyfriend like "wtf I thought she wanted to leave" to which his response was she did. I told him I dont trust her and dont want someone around who wants my man to whoch he tried to be like she doesn't want me. I then walked out and my boyfriend ended up following me. We continued to argue and i told him that if he really cared about his family (i am expecting our first child) then he wouldn't care about having her around so much and he would be willing to let her go for the sake of his family.

He disagreed saying he is not going to give up his best friend just because i am insecure and that I have no proof she wants him and should just ask her. He ended up getting out of the car and i went and finished my errands. When I got back Amber was gone and my boyfriend and i continued to argue. He told me we needed some space once his child went to their mom's and that he was packing a bag and i wasnt to touch it. His plan was to go stay at Amber's house which would only cause more problems not fix anything. He told me he was going to get a DNA test on the baby which had me seeing red as we planned this baby and were trying for it. He knew it would hurt me saying this as i have been faithful to him and there was no way it couldve been anyone elses as i inly go to work and home. This might be where I am the a**hole. I looked at my stomach and said sorry baby dad's leaving us so you arent going to see him. I have been talking to my stomach since we found out and I meant that while the baby was in my stomach dad wasnt going to be around baby as it is a part of me. My boyfriend is dealing with custody of his first child and we agreed before getting pregnant that I wouldn't try and keep baby from him which is how he took my statement.

He told me to leave and i did but then he called and said "were fine but i dont think ill ever trust you again" he then kept telling me to come home. When i did eventually go home he told me i dont love him and I did the one thing I knew would hurt him. He wouldn't take the time to realize his part in this as I tried to tell him thay he is entertaining this girl and that's why she is acting the way she is toward him. All he cares about is that he thinks I was trying to keep the baby from him.

I'm not sure if i am really wondering if i am the a**hole or if i just needed somewhere to vent and anyone to tell me im not crazy. I just dont know what to do anymore. I am so exhausted. I already love this baby so much and wanted to give it a family. I also just can't believe he is doing this to me while pregnant and I have all of these hormones roaring around. Sorry if this is confusing and jumbled. I have pregnancy brain plus im upset lol

I'm in a relationship with someone, it could be construed as a situationship. We care a lot about each other but right now isn't the best time to be together for a lot of life reasons outside of us. We still talk daily, see each other a couple times a week, and are generally very happy.

I've wanted a butthole tattoo for YEARS and I've talked about it many times since I started seeing this person. Well I finally pulled the trigger and found an artist, and my person was very unhappy that this artist physically is "my type." I view it kinda like going to the doctor, like he's a professional just doing a job, so attractiveness doesn't matter. I'm going there to be in pain and walk out with a cool butthole.

My person played this back and forth game when I asked if they're still okay with me getting the tattoo from this artist. First it was no, then it was "do what you want," and just overall mixed signals. I said screw it, I've wanted this for a long time, and booked the appointment. Fast forward, my appointment is tomorrow and my person is CRASHING. OUT. convinced I'm going to leave them and that more is going to happen, and there's not a lot my constant reassurance is doing to help. Now I'm left with implications that if I cared about their feelings, I wouldn't get it done.

AITA for getting it tattooed when my person doesn't want me to??

We met in college and have been friends since. His now fiancé(23f) told my girlfriend (23f) last year that he has hit her before, but she'd definitely leave if he did it again.

I've recently come to find out he has continued some abuse (im unsure to what degree). I don't agree with this behavior at all and don't want to go to their wedding, but I also don't want to remove any potential lifelines his fiancé could use if she ever leaves. She has already lost some close friends because of this.

I just feel so guilty about having fun at his bachelor party/wedding when I don't agree with this marriage/behavior

I was texting with my gf and she asked what I would think if she made something like an OF account. I said I would definitely not be okay with it unless it was just feet pics or something. She became very upset with me that I would be okay with her doing that and it wouldn’t bother me

Apologies this may be a little long but context is needed.

I (33F) and my ex (29M) were together for 3 years. The relationship was great, we were completely in love and planning our wedding. His family loved me and treated me like their own daughter, we spent every holiday with them and many weekends too. As someone with basically no family this was everything I ever wanted. I always tried to be supportive of my ex, we can call him John, in anything he wanted to do even if it left me with footing the bill for everything. So when he came to me excited that he was offered the job he had been wanting but would have to move to another state I was hesitant but ultimately said ok. Due to my own reasons I could not go with him at the time. The first year went great. We had almost no issues until he started hanging out with this couple and suddenly John began to change. He no longer had time to talk to me, couldn't come to visit, and everytime I did get a hold of him he needed to get off the phone because he was with them and "didn't want to be rude". This resulted in me asking him flat out if he was cheating or in a relationship with these people. He spent holidays with him, went on out of town trips with them, everything. He swore this wasn't true but his behavior got worse. We still were planning our wedding at this point. Then 3 days before my birthday he broke up with me saying "he changed". Nothing else. I immediately called his mom only to be ignored.I should also note this man had my car this entire time because he didnt have one. When my friends went to retrieve my car it was ruined and a big chunk of my savings had gone missing. My heart was crushed but I stayed thinking this couldn't be real and I just needed to wait. He would come to his senses. After 6 months I finally gave up waiting. I spent all of that time completely torn apart. It took me another 6 months before I felt I could go on a date without bursting into tears or feeling like I was cheating on him.

Now fast forward a year and I get an email. Its John. He is dating someone else but having issues. The dream job he was promised never happened and that couple he spent all his time with turned toxic. He missed me and wished he had never done what he did. All the words I wanted 2 years ago. I told him if he really felt this way then he had to prove it. Come back. Honestly I didn't think he would but to my surprise he broke up with her, quit his job, and moved back. We picked up right where we left off and for a few weeks it was great. Except his family was very cold towards me refusing to accept me back saying I "needed to earn my place back" as if I had broken his heart! I was furious. He and his family betrayed me not the other way around. It only got worse from there. John wanted to work a specific job that paid dirt and wouldn't even consider a better one leaving me yet agian to pay for everything. He had always been clingy but now he was paranoid and refused to give me space. I got to a point where I couldn't sleep if he was in the same room. He wasn't the same person and honestly neither was I. So I sat him down and explained I was leaving. He went completely unhinged so I left and refused to come back until he was gone. I moved out that night and haven't looked back.

So part of me feels bad because he did all of that just for me to leave but part of me thinks ya know what? That is perfect karma...so AITA?

I (31F) and my boyfriend (40M) have been together for 3 years. We have certainly had our ups and downs, but we stick it out and make it work. Something I cannot seem to ever get past though, is I feel like he hates when I talk. In the start it was "your stories are too long people lose interest" or "why cant you just get to the point" but it has become more than that.

For context, I moved to this area a few years ago, and just havent been able to make the same level of female friends I had back home. I dont get included in much. Recently though I got invited to partake in a group activity that I am thrilled about. Think stereotypical fall girl event. These 3 women have known each other since high school and have only known me for less than a year but invited me to join. So to say im excited is an understatement. I got right into messaging them asking what styles they were going with (its a fall photoshoot so matching matters) etc.

At the time i was raving about being excited to my bf. Instead of really being happy for me he looked at his friend and said "shes excited cuz she got invited to something but i dont give af" and then when i would talk to others it was "seriously why do your stories have to take so long" and when i said we decided on outfits, do you wanna know!? (again still trying to stay excited) he said "sure i guess" and then very sarcasticaly said "wow cool glad you figured that out."

I know a womens fashion event may not be his idea of exciting, but am i wrong for feeling hurt that he dismisses my joy so easily?

I (32F) moved from Minnesota to Pennsylvania 5 years ago. My mom has never visited me once. The only reason I’ve seen her is because I fly back.

I used to go home constantly, but eventually realized that even after spending the money/time, my parents often only spent a few hours with me. Now I only see them when I’m already back for funerals, weddings, family illness, etc.

As an adult, I’ve realized how much of my relationship with my mom involved taking care of HER emotionally. I joked that I “raised my mom.” Even in college, she’d threaten to stop paying my car insurance/phone bill if I didn’t come home when she wanted. She visited once. One of my brothers eventually went 10 years without speaking to her.

This year I became extremely sick, couldn’t work for months and was hospitalized multiple times. She never came or offered to.

In March, I learned I needed major surgery October 1 involving my neck/chest/shoulder and operating around my carotid artery, brachial plexus and phrenic nerve. I was terrified. Mom told me MULTIPLE times she would fly to PA for it, including again around my aunt Kathy’s funeral.

In August, I went to Wisconsin to see family. I hadn’t really seen Mom in a year. She said she’d stay a week, then tried to back out entirely. My uncle, who has cancer and knows how abandoned I’ve felt by her, saw me crying and literally called her himself to convince her to come.

When she arrived, she walked straight past me into the garage. I had to say “Hello?” She turned around, said “What?” and waved. No hug.

She left after 2 days. My dad wanted to stay and they had nowhere to be. I asked them to stay. Her response was basically, “Well…here’s $20.”

She also punched my bad shoulder. I said, “Ouch! Please don’t do that, that’s the shoulder I’m having surgery on!” She replied, “Well, I should do it again then!”

On September 9, I mentioned my sister Erin MIGHT fly out for surgery but probably wouldn’t because of PTO. Mom said, “Oh good, maybe we can fly out together.”
During that SAME call, I told her I was terrified about surgery and scared I might not wake up.
She responded with a full gut-belly laugh.

I asked why she was laughing at me. She said I “misunderstood.” I told her this year had been hard enough medically without my own mother laughing at me for being scared.
She replied, “Oh, and I haven’t had a hard year either?” and hung up.

On September 14 she randomly sent me a picture of myself and asked if I liked it. When I asked why, she replied, “because of your TEETH.” I had dental work after an accident and she knows I’m insecure about them. I didn’t respond.

After that, she essentially ghosted me leading up to surgery. I called/texted. She wouldn’t answer.

October 1 came. No explanation. No “I can’t make it.” She simply didn’t come. Meanwhile, my boyfriend’s family rearranged their work schedules to care for me.
Then, TWO HOURS INTO MY SURGERY, after ghosting me, she suddenly called twice.

Six minutes before calling, she’d sent me a completely random Facebook reel of road construction in my hometown. Her voicemail was completely nonchalant: “Hey, call me when you get a chance, bye.”

I’d posted an Instagram story before surgery, so the timing made me wonder if she saw it and suddenly realized I was actually in surgery.

After surgery she repeatedly called. I initially didn’t answer because I was too angry to have a productive conversation.

When we finally talked, she claimed she “didn’t think I was getting the surgery.”

Except 3 weeks earlier I’d told her how terrified I was about THAT surgery—the same call where she laughed at me and suggested she and Erin could fly out together.

Then she said, “I heard something different and you heard something different.”
So I got specific.

I said, “After Kathy’s funeral, you told me, ‘I WILL fly out.’”
Her response: “Don’t remember that.”
I reminded her she’d ALSO told me she would come when I first learned about surgery in March.
Suddenly: “No, I told you I would come…”
Then she claimed I told her Sister was coming, she suggested they both come, and I supposedly responded, “We’ll see.”
Then her: “Never said yes you wanted me to come.”
Except I never said “we’ll see.” I told her Erin MIGHT come but probably wouldn’t because of PTO.

So her explanation went from “I didn’t think you were getting surgery” → “I heard something different and you heard something different” → “Don’t remember that” → “I told you I would come” → “You never said you wanted me there.”

I challenged her version. She left me on read.
Eventually came the response I’ve heard some variation of my entire life: “I’m so sorry, Catherine. I love you more than anything.”

That’s part of the problem. The cycle has always been: she hurts me, there’s little accountability, then comes “but I love you,” as though that makes everything okay.
I’m not considering cutting her off because she missed one surgery. The surgery just made me finally see the pattern.

I flew home. I called. I texted. I showed up. I maintained the relationship. When I stopped constantly flying 1,000+ miles home, she didn’t start coming to me.
She didn’t come when I was hospitalized. She’s never visited the life I’ve built in PA.
My uncle literally had to convince her to spend time with me because he saw me crying. Then, after repeatedly telling me she would come for one of the scariest surgeries of my life, she simply didn’t show up.

I’ve spent my life being her support system and showing up for her. But she has never been mine.
I don’t actually want to lose my mom. I want a mom who wants to show up for me without being chased, begged, reminded or convinced by someone else.

I just don’t know how many more times I can be hurt, hear “but I love you,” forgive everything without anything changing, and repeat the cycle.
AITA for finally being done?

Please note the following:

I am not an American, the values quoted are in my local currency and is currently 157 on my dollars to 1 USD

I (33M) am looking into purchasing land for my wife (33F) and I to eventually raise children and hopefully build a multi-generational home so our children won't need to suffer through this process. We currently live on our own at my parent's unfinished home, and my parents moved into my grandfather's home to take care of my grandmother after he passed, my grandmother has also since passed and they just never bothered moving back. The house we're living in has 2 separate sections, 1 we're renting out to another couple to help pay for a loan we took out to finish the section we're living in.

My country has a program that allows residents who contribute to borrow money to purchase and build on land or to buy an existing house for a limited amount at 0% interest, specifically 5 million for singles, 7.5 million for couples to purchase land and 14 million / 22 million to buy a house for the same single and couple amounts.

I'm in negotiations to purchase a lot (2.4 acres) for 4.4 million that's only 10mins away, the average size that's sold is 0.25 acres for 7-9 million in my area.

My wife is against the idea because we are paying off 4 loans at the moment, 2 short term loans through her paycheck, 1 car loan which we both pay for and 1 other long term loan that I pay for. I told her that I could manage the payments myself for the mortgage but she insists that I wait till the short term loans are cleared in the next 2 years.

The issue I have with waiting is that the property could very well be gone by then and the longer we wait the higher the cost will be, for example I was looking at a property last year and someone I know with access to the MLS database told me that the same property was 2 million dollars cheaper the year before, so even without a buyer the price went up.

At the moment I could get a loan as a single applicant, however we are planning to have children in the next year or 2 and she's suggesting finishing the house we're living in now but 2 issues I have it the overall layout of the house seems to have been poorly thought out as the garage is too low to accommodate our car, master bedroom is about 3 feet higher than the hallway meant to connect to it and adding 2 bedrooms with a bathroom for children would be a pain in the ass for plumbing (there's so much more that needs to be addressed in the house), so I'd rather design and build something without the headache of working around or fixing the issues here.

I'm sure there might be relevant detains I've forgotten to mention but I can alway provide more in the comments, so WIBTA if I went through with buying the property?

Hi I’m new to posting on Reddit. However, I have been thinking about this issue that I wanted to see if I’m the only one. For this reason I’m not gonna go super detail about real names.

I F (25) have been with my boyfriend let’s call him John (27) for almost a year now. I met him near the end of the year sometime last year and we sorta clicked. I met him on a popular vr game at an instance that i usually went to meet new people in. When I first met him I thought he was funny, charming, and just a nice guy to talk to. Now let me set this to help with this post. On this game you can play with and talk to people from all over the world. He was from a different country than I am so he had a bit of an accent. Which I find adorable. Anyway we started talking more and thought we’d try long distance. Now I’ve been in a few long distance relationships before so I knew for the most part what’s better to help with it and little things to do to make it feel less lonely. Everything was fine for about half the year. We had the same routine we’d talk about our day watch a movie at night and have a sleep call. It was nice made us feel connected. He had said before he wanted to se end and visit and I thought it was sweet, but non of my long distance relationships had actually committed to doing what they said like that. However, a few months into my relationship one of my close family members got sick and I took care of them. Until one morning I found that they had passed. I was a mess with having to call family and friends. Tryna to figure out arrangements and not really knowing how to cope.
John was one of the first people I called right after it happened and all he said was he was coming. That he was gonna get a flight as soon as he could to come see me. I didn’t believe much about it until he did. I was shocked no one ever actually did that. Even with everything going on having him there was a blessing to me. When we went back he told all his friends that he loved me so much he wanted to do everything he could to have a future with me. After that however slowly he started pushing people away. He didn’t talk to him mother as much. Didn’t really talk to a lot of his friends. Now lately I can barely even get him to call me. I’ve tried to talk to some of our mutual friends about it and even tried talking to him about it. However, it’s not doing much good. It seems like he’s giving up on everything on us on himself his friends… I hate seeing him like this it breaks my heart. I know one of the main things is money and how badly he physically misses our cuddle and movie nights. I’m fighting hard for us and I’m trying to get him better help so he can do the same. I’ve had friends of ours say maybe it’s not worth it. He’s been with me through a lot already and I don’t wanna give up on him. So AITA ??

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TLDR; I worry about my family reacting badly to my unconventional relationship and don't want my BF to be hurt by my family.

Hi, the context of my unconventional relationship is pretty crucial to this post.

Me and my boyfriend met when I moved from a small town in Missouri to New York City. We have been dating for about 6 months, and we quickly totally fell head over heels for eachother. We got matching initial tattoos, mine is on my collarbone (a G with a heart) and he got mine on his upper arm (an H with a heart). The unconventional part of our relationship is that he is 43 and I'm 19.

The context of my relationship with my family is important too because I had an unconventional upbringing as well. I am the youngest of 6 kids, and the only girl of 5 brothers. My mother didn't intend to have me, because she thought she was done having kids because she gave birth to me when she was 49. My father died of cancer when I was young, and my relationship with my mother was never all too great. Anyways, my relationship with my mother and my family in general has always been strained, honestly moving halfway across the country has improved our relationship a lot. But yeah I grew up with a unique childhood at least for a gen z, my mother raised me pretty close to the way she raised my brothers when they were born in the 80s and 90s.

I also have a traumatic history of abusive relationship. My family worries about me, with my mental health struggles and generational trauma and all that nuance. I wouldn't exactly blame them for being wary of my boyfriend, but my family tends to be dramatic and overreacts at least when it comes to me.

Anyways, my boyfriend brought up wanting to meet my family, I told him that wasn't a great idea and told him all the reasons why, that my brothers are cornfed farm boys with access to many a guns. He really didn't take this well, saying I'm hiding him (I'm not, at least not from friends or anyone other than my family), that my family will come around and I told him I seriously doubt that. I want to marry this man, and if I do I can't keep him away from my family forever, and I don't want to cut contact with my family when we are getting to a better place. I never told him I want him to NEVER meet my family, just that I want to ease into it or wait. I worry about what my family will say to him, they can be very cruel with their words. AITAH?