r/AITA_Relationships

TLDR : I (28M) recently told my gf (29F) that I don't see any future together and should stop any future plans (kids, house, ...) because of how and why she's been grieving (an old car), until she sees a psychologist.

Mandatory "english not my first language", "throwaway because friends know my real account".

The situation :

While we were moving out from our old condo to a new city for our new jobs, her car broke down. We were able to finish moving out but the car had to be towed to a repairshop for diagnostic. Turned out a week later it was the cylinder head gasket on her 20year old car that gave up. The car was therefore deemed economically totaled, as replacing that seal would cost too much for such an old car (especially since it's not the only mechanical problem she's had in last years).

However the problem is that my gf lost her mind when she heard the news, and began to "grieve" (her words) the car for the following weeks, spending all days crying, being hysterical, and generally being too grief stricken to take any decision regarding what to do with the car or replacing it.

She even had that behavior at her new work, potentially jeopardizing her new job !

No matter what I did to comfort her, help her or try to find solutions to replace both her phone and finding a new car (she was too paralyzed to do it so me and my family helped her find a new car quickly so she could get to her new job), she showed no sign to improve even 3 weeks after the car broke down, spending her nights crying and saying things like "that car is a family member to me, I can't lose her".

Keep in mind during that time she would not let go of the old broken car, and said stuff like she will keep it for memories (we have no parling spot to store it). The car sat at the repairshop, accruing daily "storage fee" from the repairman.

I am generally lost when it comes to emotion as I generally am reserved and calm, going with the flow kind of guy, not very in touch with my emotions so I was really lost but trying my best to comfort her and help her along. But i couldn't understand going so far for a broken down car.

After a month of that behavior, i sat her down and told her that as long as she was not getting rid of the old car, improving emotionally, and getting regular psychologist consultations, I could not see any future with her.

My reasoning is that if a broken down car triggers hysterical behavior, how could she even deal with kids/house/family death situations ?

She understandably got mad after the talk, and it put a lot of strain on the relationship.

\*\*So reddit, AITAH for telling her that I couldn't see any future with her because of her grieving for an old car ?\*\*

Edit : additional information :

She is upset because it is her first car, that she is very emotionally attached to. She "knew" this car for 17years or so, as it was in her family and recently (1year ago) gifted to her as her first car.

The car initially was her grands-parent's car. Both grand parents are still alive so it is not a memorabilia of any sort.

I did try to help her, and still am trying. When i saw i could not help her i suggested therapy, contacted her family and mine for help and additional POV, without much success.

For context my partner and I are 25 I currently pay almost all of our housing costs because he is in school and has lots of credit card debt from prior to us living together. And we have a mutual understanding that after he gets his degree housing costs will be split. We are on a path to buy the house we are currently renting next September I have had to get a second job for the time being to make that happen and its a huge sacrifice on my part (but It was my idea because I have 4 dogs and moving to another rental instead of buying the house would be near impossible with all my dogs) but for us to buy the house we need to cut back for 1 year. He recently started learning how to ride a motorcycle from some friends and is playing with the idea of buying a bike. I told him no and that we need to cut back and after the house purchase is complete then he can buy a bike but in the meantime spending money on something like that just because its fun is not okay. He got pissed at me and says “bikes are really cheap” even if he got a $2,000 bike thats still $2,000 we could put into savings toward our future. He thinks i’m being an asshole and controlling but I think I’m justified.

I (28F) have been engaged to my fiancé "Jake" (30M) for about a year. We're getting married in three months. Jake dated a woman named "Megan" (29F) for about four years before we met. They broke up about three years ago. They've remained friends and I've always tried to be cool about it.

She's come to a few group hangouts and I've been polite. She's always been nice enough to me, but it feels weird knowing he used to be in love with her. I trust Jake, but I just don't love having her around.

When we were making the guest list, I noticed Megan wasn't on it. I assumed Jake had left her off for obvious reasons. But last week he told me he wants to invite her. He said she's "still a good friend" and it's "important to him" that she be there.

I told him I'm really not comfortable with that. I said I don't want his ex-girlfriend at our wedding. It's supposed to be about us, and having her there would just make me feel weird and self-conscious. I asked him to please respect my feelings on this one.

He got annoyed and said I was being jealous and insecure. He said if I trusted him, this wouldn't be a problem. He said he's not going to cut out a friend just because he used to date her.

I told him I wasn't asking him to cut her out of his life forever. I'm just asking for one day—our wedding day—where she's not there. He said that was "controlling" and "unreasonable."

We've been arguing about this for days. He says he won't uninvite her. I told him if she comes, I won't feel comfortable and it'll be a cloud over my whole wedding day. He says that's my problem to deal with.

AITA?

I (24M) have been with my girlfriend (22F) for 8 months now.
I met my girlfriend at one of my friend’s houses. We were playing truth or dare, and she kept on choosing me. The next day, we decided to start dating. Mind you, she had a boyfriend. She told me that she didn’t love her boyfriend anymore; he just didn’t want to be dumped. I understood.

Me and her started dating, and things were going well. She is a talker. She likes talking about her family and friends, but mostly about her sister (27F), because she doesn’t live far from us. She told me that if her sister found out about us, she would kill her.
Fast-forward to one month ago. She started giving me this excuse that I don’t give her enough attention and that I’m only affectionate when I want something.

Then she told me that her mother has a house close by and that her brother is in town, living at the house for the time being while he is fixing his own house. She also told me that he bought a new car.

Me, being a loving and trusting person, believed her. Mind you, this was the first time I was hearing about the house, and she tells me almost everything about her family.

Then she started having these late-night visits to her “mother’s house” to visit her brother. Every time we had a disagreement, she would leave and go to her mother’s house.

Then I searched her phone and found out that her “brother” was actually her boyfriend. I asked her about it, but she denied it. She even deleted the messages. I showed her the screenshots I had taken and asked her why she deleted the messages. She said something along the lines of, “I didn’t want them to hurt you,” because apparently that’s how she and her “brother” talk.

Then she turned the blame onto me.
I just said okay, and I believed her.The next week, I went to a club and met her sister. I recognized her from the pictures my girlfriend had shown me. We talked, and things eventually escalated, and we ended up sleeping together.

Now I have pictures of me and her sister together, and I’m still seeing her from time to time. My girlfriend doesn’t know about it.
So, AITA?

I’ve seen my husband get frisky with my besties fiancé in a car ride back home with everyone drunk. He basically kept his arm across her and kept caressing with her shoulder. When I confronted him about this, he straight up denied. She has since sent me various memes on cheating husbands. And told me on another drunken night that I’m very naive and easily trusting. I’ve checked his phone and he had her number saved which he has since deleted. I also saw her Instagram history and one of her last searches was a random friend of my husband who she doesn’t know at all. We’ve had multiple fights about this and I’ve asked for his itemised bill which he has shared but no calls were made to her number in the last six months. This has all happened over ten months and now I’m convinced that he’s definitely cheating on me but I have no way to prove it.

I (29F) gave birth to our first child two months ago. It's been a huge adjustment. I'm exhausted from the constant feedings, the lack of sleep, and the overwhelming feeling of being responsible for a tiny human 24/7. My husband "David" (31M) took two weeks off work when she was born, but then went back full-time.

I understand he needs breaks. He needs time to decompress. But every single Friday night, he goes to his board game night with his friends. He leaves at 6 PM and doesn't come back until midnight. It's like clockwork.

Last Friday, I had a really rough day. The baby was colicky and wouldn't stop crying. I barely had time to eat or shower. I was in tears by the time David was getting ready to leave. I asked him if he could skip it just this one time. I told him I needed him home.

He said he knew I was stressed, but he'd been looking forward to this all week. He said he works hard all week and he deserves his one night. He told me I could call my mom or a friend if I needed help. He said I should be more supportive of him.

I snapped. I told him he's not the only one who needs a break. I told him I'm on call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and I never get to leave the house or see my friends. I told him I'm exhausted and I need a partner who's actually present, not someone who checks out for six hours every Friday.

He said I was being unfair. He said he's a good father and husband and he doesn't ask for much. He said I'm trying to take away the one thing he does for himself.

I told him I'm not trying to take it away forever. I'm asking him to skip one night, maybe even just come home early. He said I was being controlling and that I don't respect his need for his own time.

He ended up going anyway and stayed until after midnight. I cried myself to sleep. Now it's Monday and we're barely talking. I don't feel like I'm asking for too much, but he's making me feel like I am.

AITA?

**TL;DR:** My ex ended our relationship because his toxic ex gave him an ultimatum: get back with her and see his son daily, or stay with me and only see his son on holidays. I want him to choose us, but he caved to her. AITA?

My (30) ex (40) chose to sacrifice our relationship because his ex whom he has been separated from for over 2 years, and who was even in another relationship during that time manipulated him using access to their son. Ever since she found out he found someone else, she has constantly weaponized their child. She gave him an extreme ultimatum: either he breaks up with me and gets back together with her so he can see their son daily, or he stays with me and she will restrict his custody to only seeing his son on holidays.
He caved to her because he couldn't bear the thought of missing out on his son's daily life, even though he is completely miserable now and living a life driven by fear and obligation. I am furious and heartbroken, and a part of me wishes he had chosen our relationship and fought through the legal system instead of folding to her emotional blackmail.

AITA for being angry and wanting him to choose me and build our life together, even though it meant fighting for better custody arrangements instead of just giving in to her demands?

I am a 21 year old woman living in the Pacific Northwest, and I am having such a terrible time dating. I could go on and on about modern dating, how nobody wants to settle down, and how romance feels dead these days. And yes, I’m saying men because I only date men, but I’m sure this could apply to women too.

However, there is one small thing that always turns me off and makes me feel like a complete snob.
It’s when guys use things like “wyd,” “wtm,” and similar abbreviations constantly.
And no, I’m not talking about “lol,” “lmao,” or “omg.”

To me, those are different because they function more like emotional cues or emojis than actual conversation.
I know what some of you are thinking.
“OP, everyone uses abbreviations.”
Yes, but hear me out.
When someone constantly sends “wyd,” it feels less like they are actually interested in what I’m doing and more like they are throwing out the lowest effort conversation starter possible. I know that probably sounds dramatic, but I genuinely do not know how else to explain it.

For example, if someone asks, “Anything interesting happening at work today?” that tells me they remember I’m at work, they paid attention to previous conversations, and they are curious enough to ask a real question.

When I get “wyd,” it feels like the conversational equivalent of shrugging.

I just personally associate good conversation with effort, curiosity, and genuine interest. when every message is an abbreviation, I find myself losing attraction almost immediately.

So am I the asshole for being turned off by men that use abbreviations constantly in conversations?

My current husband and I have been together for like 6 years married for 2. He stepped up to be a dad to my only child from a previous marriage. He even adopted the child. When we discussed plans to have more kids, I genuinely was on board to have one more later down the line.

The more I think about it the less I want any more kids. My child is almost 8, I don't want to go thru PP depression again, lose my body, care for another living thing. I love my husband but I definitely do NOT want anymore kids. I want to travel with him and make memories and live. I don't necessarily want to be an older parent either. My husband is very disappointed and sad, but I just can't find it in me to do it all over again.

I love him but don't want to have any more kids. It'd a huge commitment and the world is so fucked up right now. Why do I feel so bad?

AITAH?

First time posting. So my husband and I have been having a rough week (decade). He got mad at me on Monday because he went on a tirade of unhappiness (his normal) and said "he shouldn't have to work all weekend and come home to a dirty house" . I work all week and I'm not going to spend my weekend cleaning to make sure it's pristine for the man of the house when he walks in like it's 1954. When he says dirty he means some crumbs on the counter, a few plates in the sink, maybe a little bit of grass my kids drug in on the floor, toys my daughter was playing with and left out. Not filthy by any stretch of the imagination. I said "you are constantly unhappy". That led to a lot of back and forth through text (the only way he will truly communicate).

Then on my way home from picking my son up he texts me and says "how much kava are you buying?" So I said "how many watches are you ordering? How many $19 can Cokes do you drink in a day? How many $18 Cliff bars do you go thru a week?" I could have added guitars, fishing shit, constant Amazon deliveries, $125/mo on kratom, $60 nicotine lozenges, etc but I didn't. So he went into my computer, logged into my Amazon account and looked up every kava order I've placed since January.

When I walked in, both of my kids standing right there (10&15) he started screaming "who the f do you think you are!? Are you out of your f-ing mind?" Then showed me pictures he took of my orders. $1800 this year in kava. I make $80k and he makes $130k. He is acting like I'm out of my mind buying this and wasting HIS money. Full psycho screaming at me. I've never once asked him what he spends money on, or said anything about the number of Amazon packages he receives. The one thing he's stuck on is I lost my job Tuesday June 16th. I received a full paycheck that Friday. 2 weeks later I was paid severance and PTO (more than a normal paycheck). Then I missed 1 paycheck (July 17th). I had a new job by July 27 and received my first paycheck that next Monday (we get paid weekly). During that time I used $200 birthday money and old gift cards I had saved to pay for anything I wanted (not needed) during the 1 period I didn't receive a check. But he's talking about splitting finances, we will split the bills, etc. Not speaking to me at all. When I try to bring up the fact he could have asked me and talked about it instead of verbally abusing me in front of our kids he tells me I'm "gaslighting" him. There's so much more to this but I just can't type it all out. So AITA for spending that money? Am I out of my fing mind?

Throwaway account because this is extremely personal.

Sorry this may be a bit long.

I (33F) have been married to my husband (36M) for almost three years. Our third anniversary would have been next month. We have been separated for about four months, and I have now decided to end the marriage. I’ve asked for a divorce, and he has told me to get “my shit” out of the house this weekend.
The reason I left isn’t because of one argument. There has been a gradual deterioration in our relationship, particularly over the last 1.5 years.
One major issue is that I was never given much information about our finances. We never had a joint bank account because my husband refused. He kept his finances separate from me.
The situation with our house has also always been confusing. He would sometimes tell me it was “just a rental,” other times say he owned it, and then say it wasn’t even in his name. I honestly don’t know what is true. The only thing I know we have with both of our names on it is our marriage certificate.
I don’t know what accounts he has, what assets or debts he has, what retirement/pension accounts he has, or exactly what the situation is with the house.
I worked full-time throughout the marriage and paid essentially all of the groceries and utilities. He rarely gave me money for groceries. He covered the mortgage and rates, but I don’t know how he managed that because he barely worked.
He has back and hip problems and would sometimes work for 3–6 weeks and then be off for 3–6 months. During those periods he was home most of the time. Despite this, I was still working full-time, doing the shopping, cooking and cleaning.
Before we moved in, I painted most of the house myself and contributed financially toward a new fireplace. When the oven broke, my grandmother gave me $1,000 to help buy a replacement.
I don’t know how those contributions would be treated in a financial settlement. I’m not saying they automatically entitle me to anything; I’m explaining them because I am now trying to understand our financial position.
My housework was constantly criticised and apparently never good enough, even though he was home most days. He said he was busy doing things outside in his shed.
My cooking was also criticised. He would tell me that my cooking would “make him sick.” This was particularly confusing because earlier in our relationship he would compliment my cooking and even say some of my cultural dishes were better than his own mother’s.
Over the last 1.5 years, his attitude toward me changed drastically. He became much more critical of me, my cooking, my cleaning, my friends and my family. I increasingly felt like nothing I did was good enough.
His attitude toward my parents also changed.
He used to genuinely enjoy spending time with them. He would suggest having dinner with them or doing things together. Now he frequently says negative things about my parents and close friends and tells me that I’m simply listening to them or being influenced by them when I make decisions about our relationship.
I’ve tried to explain that my decisions are my own.
I asked for counselling because I wanted us to have a neutral person help us communicate and work through our problems. I’ve also asked him to take accountability for things he has said and done and acknowledge how his behaviour has affected me.
His response has essentially been that I’m asking for too much and that what I’m expecting is unrealistic.
He also repeatedly tells me that this is a “me problem.”
Whenever I explain why I’m hurt or why I think we need to address problems, I feel like the responsibility gets turned back onto me. I’ve started questioning whether I’m expecting too much, even though what I’ve been asking for is communication, counselling, accountability, trust and mutual respect.
There were also comments that made me question whether he respected or trusted me.
When we discussed potentially having children, he told me that if I ever became pregnant, he would request a paternity test.
I wasn’t pregnant, and there was absolutely no reason for him to believe I would cheat. Hearing that my own husband would automatically question whether a child was his was incredibly hurtful.
There were other comments too, such as, “You could have said no to the marriage,” whenever I raised problems.
He refused counselling, and despite my attempts to communicate and work through things, I eventually became emotionally exhausted.
After we separated, he sent me a message saying:
“Your parents are what has caused this to happen. Don’t blame me.”
That was particularly upsetting because he had previously enjoyed spending time with my parents and wanted to do things with them.
I’ve now decided I don’t want to continue the marriage.
The practical side has been incredibly stressful. I’ve started contacting lawyers, but the costs are extremely high, and I’m trying to understand the paperwork myself because I don’t know what financial assets actually exist.
I don’t know what is in his accounts, what the house situation actually is, what debts exist, or what other assets or financial interests he may have.
Because we never had joint accounts and he kept his finances separate from me, I feel like I’m starting from almost nothing in understanding our financial position.
I don’t want revenge or to take anything that isn’t mine. I just want a fair settlement and to move forward.
But I keep questioning myself.
AITA for leaving my husband because I no longer felt respected, trusted or emotionally supported?

(English is not my first language) My bf and I have been dating for almost 3 years, and he knew that the whole strip club thing was a no from me, but recently I thought that maybe it was smth we could experience together(I’m bi). The problem is the yesterday he went to a strip club with his friends, turned his location off and lied about it. I had to really asked him to tell me what he did last night and when the story didn’t made sense I knew my intuition was right, so I directly asked him if he was at a strip club.

He kept denying, until he admitted it saying that his friends dragged him there, but like I told him, he knew bc he turned his location off. He knew it was bad, I don’t know if I’m ready to break up with him? But I don’t know what I feel anymore. I hope you guys can help me see the situation more clearly.

Let’s call my cousin K. K and I used to be friends when we were kids. No we are adults and K gave birth to her son three years ago.
Shortly after she had her son, I made a side-by-side photo of the baby and the grandpa, because I thought her newborn looked just like her deceased father (my uncle). I sent it to my aunt (K’s mom)because I thought the resemblance was interesting. my aunt forwarded it K who became extremely angry. K texted me it was very inappropriate what I did, I didn’t reply the text and we haven’t spoken since.

I never intended to insult her, I understand she may have found it uncomfortable, but I didn’t have bad intentions at the time, also it was her mother that sent her that side by side photo.

Fast forward three years later. Now my aunt tells me my cousin K has had depression and STILL brings up this “insulting photo incident” whenever they argue at home. K thinks I’m evil for “insulting her baby and her dad” , she believes her mother treats my family and I better than her, and my aunt’s friendship with me seems to offend K.

My aunt begged me to apologize to K because she’s burned out from her depressed daughter arguing with her every day. My aunt knows the whole thing is dumb but wants me to apologize to K anyway so her daughter will stop bringing up something from three years ago.

I flat out said no. While it was probably not appropriate of me to do so, I also don’t feel I deserve this treatment. I feel like I’m being pulled into a mother-daughter conflict that has nothing to do with me. If I apologize when I don’t believe I did something wrong, I worry I’ll have to apologize to K for something else in the future.
At the same time, I feel terrible seeing my aunt so distressed.

AITA for insisting on not apologizing?

I’m 23F and my boyfriend is 25M. We’ve been together for a while, and I’m seriously questioning whether I should leave, but I’m also wondering if I’m being selfish or unreasonable.

The biggest issue is children. He wants at least 4 kids (he says if it were entirely up to him, he’d have way more). I want 2. He used to say we needed to start having kids as soon as I turn 25, but I want to wait until 27. He got very angry and berated me for feeling that way, although he eventually agreed.

Whenever I explain that I only want 2, he says it’s because I want an “easy life,” I’m scared of doing hard things, and I need to become better. He calls me selfish because he says he’s building his life around doing things for other people while I’m “living my life for myself.”
I want to work part-time, have an identity outside motherhood, and ideally have one day a week to myself. I told him that if we somehow had 4 kids, I would need a nanny because I don’t think I could physically and emotionally handle everything alone. He says he’s already compromising by agreeing to have 4 because he’d actually want more.

He has also said that if I only have 2 children with him, he’ll have 2 more through a surrogate. He said he’d raise them as a single dad while still being married to me if I don’t want to take care of them. He’s also said he’s already “sacrificing” because he knows I’m going to be an “absent mother.” I don’t think wanting to work part-time, have one day off a week, and use childcare makes someone an absent mother.

There are also issues around respect. During an argument, he told me he can only respect me “like a woman,” not like a man. He said if he respected me like a man, he’d be much more critical because I wouldn’t live up to his standards, whereas he has lower standards for me because I’m a woman. He says this may seem like he respects me less, but it’s actually because his expectations of women are lower.

He also likes to debate basically every opinion I have for hours until I eventually give up and say he’s right. This includes politics, religion, and how I view the world. He says debates are his favorite way of communicating and that he’s “sharpening” my opinions because if I can’t defend every thought, I don’t truly believe it.

There is also a lot of domestic stuff that bothers me. He expects me to massage him essentially every night. He says that’s how he receives affection. In the past, if I didn’t massage him, he would accuse me of not loving him. One week I had a headache and couldn’t do it one night. The second night, I still lay next to him and tried to massage him despite having a headache. He joked about when the “massage strike” was going to end.

I recently told him that if we had 4 kids, between pregnancy and raising them, I probably wouldn’t be able to massage him every night anymore. He got upset and said that once the massages stopped, they’d never start again.
He also expects me to make his lunch for work every day. If I don’t, he has said it proves I don’t love him. Even when we don’t have enough food, I’ll go buy food specifically so he has something to eat. I cook dinner almost every night he’s home (he’s a firefighter and sometimes sleeps at the station), and I do essentially all the housework.

Our rent is $1,600; I pay $500ish and he pays $1,100ish (we split utilities and such). He says because he pays more rent, I should be responsible for the housework. I’ve eventually gotten him to take out the trash, clean under the toilet seat when it gets really messy, and do his dishes. Sometimes he unloads the dishwasher, and if I ask him to clean with me every few weeks, he’ll do some chores.

I understand that paying more rent can justify doing less housework. I’m not saying he contributes nothing. What bothers me is feeling like I’m expected to provide a constant stream of domestic labor and physical affection, and when I don’t do one specific thing, it gets interpreted as proof that I don’t love him.

The confusing part is that I don’t think he’s necessarily trying to be cruel. He genuinely seems to believe this is what a girlfriend/wife should do and that having a family requires a lot of sacrifice. He says he’s building his life around doing things for others and that I need to learn to sacrifice more.

I also have PTSD from a previous abusive relationship, so I’ve started questioning my own perception. I’ve wondered if maybe I’m actually the problem or if I have BPD and am misconstruing everything. If he read this, he would say I’m misinterpreting everything, that I’m “dead set on making him the bad guy,” and that I always play the victim. He wouldn’t deny the things happened, but he would say I’m interpreting them negatively through a distorted lens.
So I’m incredibly conflicted.

I love him. I don’t actually want to leave him. I don’t want to blindside him or destroy his life, and I don’t want him to be miserable. But I also keep thinking about what my life would look like if I married him.

Four kids is a LOT, especially with a husband who expects me to make his lunches, cook nearly every night, maintain the house, and give him massages almost every night. I want to work part-time and still have some life outside my family. He says if I work, all of the money would be mine, but I still feel like the expectations on my time and energy would be enormous.

I’ve tried to explain that I don’t want 4 kids, but every explanation turns into an argument about what’s wrong with me rather than an acceptance that I simply want something different.

So AITAH?
Am I actually being selfish and unwilling to sacrifice enough for a family? And how would you interpret his expectations around children, domestic work, affection, and respect?

I (21F) have been with my girlfriend "Zara" (21F) for about 8 months. We're not very open about our relationship, so only a few close friends know we're together.

A few weeks ago, Zara met this guy "Mark" (22M). He's about a year older than us. Zara is very outgoing and friendly, and they immediately hit it off. I didn't like him from the start, but I decided to give him a chance.

Zara invited both me and Mark out for coffee. We chatted, but one thing really bothered me. Every time I tried to talk to Mark, he wouldn't look at me. Instead, he'd look directly at Zara while giving me the shortest possible answers. He barely even acknowledged my presence. I get being shy – I'm shy myself – but looking at someone else while talking about your day just felt weird to me.

I told Zara that I didn't mind them being friends, but I didn't want to be part of that friendship. Please leave me out of it. That was my boundary.

She agreed, but then she started randomly inviting him to things that were supposed to be just the two of us. Her reason was that he didn't have many friends and she felt bad for him. I understood that, I really did. But then he met some of our other friends, and they picked up on the exact same thing. None of us like him, but we stayed civil.

I asked Zara again not to invite him to things meant for us. She was upset but agreed, and for a few days she didn't mention him. I was relieved.

Then she told me Mark had invited her to the gym to watch him train. Zara doesn't go to the gym. She hates the smell of our local gym, and the others are almost 40 minutes away. She told him no because she was busy. I found it a bit odd but didn't think much of it.

Later, one of my best friends, who happens to know Mark, told me Mark was really interested in this one girl. I didn't think much of it until my friend showed me a picture of the girl. It was Zara.

I was upset but decided to talk to Zara later. When I told her, she said nothing was going on. I wasn't fully convinced. I know she wouldn't cheat on me, but the thought of her hanging out with a guy who clearly likes her, without setting clear boundaries, didn't sit well with me.

Then Mark somehow got my number (he doesn't know Zara and I are together) and texted me, asking what Zara likes because he knew we were close. I told him I didn't know and to figure it out himself. I showed Zara the messages, and she said she'd talk to him. She went out for coffee with him and told him she wasn't interested. She said he understood.

But then a mutual friend told me that after their coffee, he saw Mark at a nearby place, bragging to his friend that the girl he'd just been on a date with kissed really nicely.

I was furious and told Zara. She said she'd talk to him again.

This is where I might have crossed a line. I told her I wasn't comfortable with her hanging out with him. I said: "You already told him you're not interested, and yet he's still going around saying this. I'm uncomfortable with this friendship." I also pointed out that none of our friends like him, and that she keeps rejecting invitations from other friends to hang out with him instead, which is straining her relationships with everyone, not just me.

She said she would cut him off. I told her that while yes, that would make me happy, I just wanted her to set a clear boundary and make sure it didn't happen again.

In the end, she did cut him off, but now she's very upset with me.

AITA for telling her to stop hanging out with him? Or was I being too controlling?

So at the start of my(32m) relationship with my ex(34f), I told her that emotional cheating was what I cared about not physical cheating, and that if she cheated on me with someone she already had a pre established relationship with, that would hurt me more than anything. We dated for a few months and I had to move to take care of my brothers kids because he went to jail. While I was away we tried visits and during the last visit she seemed a little distant, but I didn't think anything of it because after she left I was a stay at home parent again. A few days later she confessed to cheating on me, I demanded answers and she was only willing to confess that it happened the way that would be most painful for me and that my demanding further answers constituted harassment. I told her she never loved me and she told me that she would be contacting the police if I ever contacted her again. Am I the asshole?

My wife (49) and I (43) have been married for 6 years. She has two sons, one 30 the other 27, so I’ve only known them as grown men. When we got married the youngest was in college while the oldest lived with his grandmother and with no job.

When we bought our house we attempted to move the oldest in, with the expectation that he get a job. That only lasted a year, because he refused to work. He is now back at his grandmothers and still doesn’t work (5years later). The youngest moved in with us for two years after he finished school (age 24-25)which he barely passed. During those two years he worked only a part time job and payed no bills of his own (his mother insisted he not). He spent all of his money on alcohol, played computer games all the time and trashed the spaces he was in. Oh yeah..and he got a DUI.

To be clear, there is no substance abuse taking place here beyond irresponsible drinking. These grown men unfortunately are just very comfortable with allowing others to take care of them. They’ve been and continue to be coddled by mom and grandma.

Fast forward, he did enroll and get accepted for a physical therapy program and he moved away to do that. After one year he got suspended for a whole year for a reason I’m not even going to mention. The claims by him and his mom are that he’s changed and this is only temporary until he goes back, but my trust has been shattered and I have hard boundaries set that I’m unwilling to bend on. I 100% will make him leave or will leave myself if anything comes close to repeating itself as it was before, and that goes for my wife too. So….AITA for preferring he just not live here at all to avoid the possibilities all together? I imagine that suggestion would very well also result in my marriage ending, but I feel like prioritizing my mental health is more important at this point. I just can’t deal with that situation any more.

I need some advice… I (19F) and my boyfriend (20M) are having a baby together. I am 8 months pregnant and ready to pop! While my boyfriend is at work sometimes we call and today he suggested that we have a threesome with another female and I turned down the idea immediately. He’s tried to convince me to have a threesome with another man which I thought about but ended up turning it down because I just find it weird personally and it feels wrong. I have nothing against couples who like threesomes but it just isn’t for me. Once I told him no to the threesome with another female he started to say I was boring. I couldn’t tell if he was joking or being for real. All of this has caused me immense stress because I’m already scared of him cheating on me and this kind of confirms that he maybe would. I just don’t want to lose my family before it even starts. What should I do?

My husband is a serial cheater, and I recently found out I have an STD. I contacted every affair partner of his that I know about, told them what I found out, and sent them my test results so they could get tested too. My husband became furious that I contacted them, and several of the women completely freaked out when they realized I knew who they were and knew about the affairs.

I’m 23F and he’s 27M.

I’ve been seeing/talking to this guy for a little while, and we were supposed to go on our first actual date. He suggested that I come over to his apartment, drink wine, and hang out there.

I told him I’d actually be more comfortable if we did something in public for our first date instead, nothing dramatic, literally just grabbing drinks somewhere. I wasn't rejecting him or cancelling the date. I was asking to change the location/activity for our first date because I wasn't comfortable going to a guy's apartment for the first time meeting him.

He absolutely lost it.

He called me an “immature rude human being,” accused me of being disrespectful, and got extremely angry over me asking to change the plans. The reaction was so extreme to what I actually asked. It seems like he clearly only wanted one thing from me...

I understand that maybe he could have felt annoyed bc I agreed to the plans then asked to change, but I genuinely don't understand how asking to get drinks in public instead of going straight to his apartment makes me immature or rude.

Wish I could include the screenshots of the conversation because I feel like they’re pretty crazy.

AITA for asking to change the first date to something in public, or is his reaction as insane as it felt to me?

EDIT: He blocked me on everything before I could get the chance. He doesn’t have my address or place of work so that’s GOOD. Thanks for all the feedback and support, I didn’t and do not plan to ever communicate with him again, but wanted to hear from unbiased Reddit people. Feeling validated and also scared that people like that exist. The texts he continued on before he finally stopped when I sent a bye bye now gif, were terrifying.

Ex 1: you are seeking someone to see things form your view while putting someone else down for expressing theirs? you know nothing about me. im a grown adult man with grown adult problems. we are not the same. don't compare our lives you're like fresh out of college living at home comparing me to your college boy dating pool

Ex 2: but honestly yeah i'm not really looking to be going on a bunch of dates right now truthfully. like i said, ive been burned a lot on these apps where girls just want free fun, whether that be nice dinners or drinks. i want someone i can vibe with and have fun with and actually enjoy being with without those material things. kinda tired of the traditional dating scene. i also just don't have a ton of time/ energy for it, and i work a lot and just have so much going on right now. i rather reserve that for when i know we actually connected and like each other vs realize it's not a match after spending 100+ dollars on drinks. it's just not logical. my bills are crazy high i rather spend that on groceries these days.
i'm not a cheap guy by any means i just protect my peace and think logically.
sorry i didn't mean to come off like an ass or anything either
just different perspectives i guess

Ex 3: you're terribly immature
see best part of my strategy is i just weeded out this part of you that wouldn't have been shown till much later after i wasted a lot more time. thank god.
good riddance