AITA for spending $50 a week
First time posting. So my husband and I have been having a rough week (decade). He got mad at me on Monday because he went on a tirade of unhappiness (his normal) and said "he shouldn't have to work all weekend and come home to a dirty house" . I work all week and I'm not going to spend my weekend cleaning to make sure it's pristine for the man of the house when he walks in like it's 1954. When he says dirty he means some crumbs on the counter, a few plates in the sink, maybe a little bit of grass my kids drug in on the floor, toys my daughter was playing with and left out. Not filthy by any stretch of the imagination. I said "you are constantly unhappy". That led to a lot of back and forth through text (the only way he will truly communicate).
Then on my way home from picking my son up he texts me and says "how much kava are you buying?" So I said "how many watches are you ordering? How many $19 can Cokes do you drink in a day? How many $18 Cliff bars do you go thru a week?" I could have added guitars, fishing shit, constant Amazon deliveries, $125/mo on kratom, $60 nicotine lozenges, etc but I didn't. So he went into my computer, logged into my Amazon account and looked up every kava order I've placed since January.
When I walked in, both of my kids standing right there (10&15) he started screaming "who the f do you think you are!? Are you out of your f-ing mind?" Then showed me pictures he took of my orders. $1800 this year in kava. I make $80k and he makes $130k. He is acting like I'm out of my mind buying this and wasting HIS money. Full psycho screaming at me. I've never once asked him what he spends money on, or said anything about the number of Amazon packages he receives. The one thing he's stuck on is I lost my job Tuesday June 16th. I received a full paycheck that Friday. 2 weeks later I was paid severance and PTO (more than a normal paycheck). Then I missed 1 paycheck (July 17th). I had a new job by July 27 and received my first paycheck that next Monday (we get paid weekly). During that time I used $200 birthday money and old gift cards I had saved to pay for anything I wanted (not needed) during the 1 period I didn't receive a check. But he's talking about splitting finances, we will split the bills, etc. Not speaking to me at all. When I try to bring up the fact he could have asked me and talked about it instead of verbally abusing me in front of our kids he tells me I'm "gaslighting" him. There's so much more to this but I just can't type it all out. So AITA for spending that money? Am I out of my fing mind?