AITA for telling my girlfriend to stop hanging out with a guy who clearly likes her?
I (21F) have been with my girlfriend "Zara" (21F) for about 8 months. We're not very open about our relationship, so only a few close friends know we're together.
A few weeks ago, Zara met this guy "Mark" (22M). He's about a year older than us. Zara is very outgoing and friendly, and they immediately hit it off. I didn't like him from the start, but I decided to give him a chance.
Zara invited both me and Mark out for coffee. We chatted, but one thing really bothered me. Every time I tried to talk to Mark, he wouldn't look at me. Instead, he'd look directly at Zara while giving me the shortest possible answers. He barely even acknowledged my presence. I get being shy – I'm shy myself – but looking at someone else while talking about your day just felt weird to me.
I told Zara that I didn't mind them being friends, but I didn't want to be part of that friendship. Please leave me out of it. That was my boundary.
She agreed, but then she started randomly inviting him to things that were supposed to be just the two of us. Her reason was that he didn't have many friends and she felt bad for him. I understood that, I really did. But then he met some of our other friends, and they picked up on the exact same thing. None of us like him, but we stayed civil.
I asked Zara again not to invite him to things meant for us. She was upset but agreed, and for a few days she didn't mention him. I was relieved.
Then she told me Mark had invited her to the gym to watch him train. Zara doesn't go to the gym. She hates the smell of our local gym, and the others are almost 40 minutes away. She told him no because she was busy. I found it a bit odd but didn't think much of it.
Later, one of my best friends, who happens to know Mark, told me Mark was really interested in this one girl. I didn't think much of it until my friend showed me a picture of the girl. It was Zara.
I was upset but decided to talk to Zara later. When I told her, she said nothing was going on. I wasn't fully convinced. I know she wouldn't cheat on me, but the thought of her hanging out with a guy who clearly likes her, without setting clear boundaries, didn't sit well with me.
Then Mark somehow got my number (he doesn't know Zara and I are together) and texted me, asking what Zara likes because he knew we were close. I told him I didn't know and to figure it out himself. I showed Zara the messages, and she said she'd talk to him. She went out for coffee with him and told him she wasn't interested. She said he understood.
But then a mutual friend told me that after their coffee, he saw Mark at a nearby place, bragging to his friend that the girl he'd just been on a date with kissed really nicely.
I was furious and told Zara. She said she'd talk to him again.
This is where I might have crossed a line. I told her I wasn't comfortable with her hanging out with him. I said: "You already told him you're not interested, and yet he's still going around saying this. I'm uncomfortable with this friendship." I also pointed out that none of our friends like him, and that she keeps rejecting invitations from other friends to hang out with him instead, which is straining her relationships with everyone, not just me.
She said she would cut him off. I told her that while yes, that would make me happy, I just wanted her to set a clear boundary and make sure it didn't happen again.
In the end, she did cut him off, but now she's very upset with me.
AITA for telling her to stop hanging out with him? Or was I being too controlling?