r/RomanticAdvice

Can I ask out a friend of mine who's my friend's ex?

But friend is not so close with me, even though we've grown up together, my family knows his before we were even born.

I know if I ask her out I would be doing him wrong, but I really like her, even when before they got together. But the guy ended up cheating on her with another girl from our class- and that is why I feel, if i do happen to date her it will be justified to some extent.

They broke up about 5 years, and i've thought of confessing to her a few times, but i never gave it much effort due to a couple of reasons-

1. I felt i would risk losing a good friend
2. I felt she would reject me
3. Our Uni were not so close, that i could see her regularly (it was a 2 hr journey, i could actually meet on weekends and holidays though, but the above reasons held me back)

But now, we're both working, and 2 months back we met for a few days (along with one other friend) and i again started to think about her. This time, though, she is all over my mind-

1. From overthinking what to talk about when she arrives to when im with her to overanalysing what i said and i didnt/couldnt say
2. Being unable to sleep due all the overthinking
3. SEEING HER IN MY DREAMS 5-6 times in 2 months
4. Imagining perfect conversations, vacations, all the things i would do for her and so on

Compared to before im not as scared of the rejection or losing a friend even but her being my friend's ex bugs me (It would be against the BRO Code but hell even Barney (in HIMYM) went on to date and eventually marry Robin.

Okay so I’ve (44 year old female) had this happen before and then ended up in a serious relationship with the guy so I’m not sure if it’s currently happening again.
So I’ve been kinda seeing someone (44year old male) casually and he does things around my house and mows the yard, checks my oil repairs things for me to help me out. He’s so sweet and I just adore him but it’s almost as if he’s actively trying to avoid me. Like he’s suddenly really short but reaches out to tell me important things going on with him. Him and I were actually 7th grade bf and gf and I ended up moving back to my home town after only living and calling him my bf for about a year. He was completely devastated when I moved. He used to reach out wanting to see me really bad and it never worked out due to dating someone else at the time or just couldn’t ever make the time to get together. Anyways I finally did and now I swear it’s like I know I was starting to get really attached so I think maybe he was starting to feel those feelings so he’s trying to avoid falling harder.
Is this something that men regularly do at first due to lack of self esteem, not feeling like your life is ready, fear etc.?

Hello, I (M/26) have, what I have come to realize is not so small of, a crush on my friend (F/30). We are part of the same friend group as well as coworkers but we work in completely different parts of the same giant hospital that we don’t even see each other so we will just go with friends.

Basically, I can’t stop thinking about her, how she is, what her day was like. I think for my mental sake I either need to figure out how to say something or get told no so I stop thinking about her…

When we hang out as the friend group we always seem to be chatty but I don’t want to ruin anything ya know. Anyway is there a way someone would approach this situation? Anything in any regards of how to try, I guess, would be amazing!

We went to the beach with my older sister’s friends because my mom said my sister needed someone to accompany her since she’s graduating, so I had to come along. I ended up joining because it was also one of my sister’s friend’s birthdays, and it doesn’t happen often anyway.

My sister was with her boyfriend riding a motorcycle, while the rest of us were in one van. All of them were sitting in front, and I was alone at the back because I didn’t want to ruin their bonding time.

The next morning, when we were about to leave, I saw this guy, and I think I started falling for him. After that, I couldn’t properly talk to him or even to his friends because I was scared I’d fall even harder. During the overnight stay, I barely talked to them, didn’t join the pictures, and didn’t even join their drinking session because I felt like I might just bother them.

Then on the way home, I think I fell for him even more hahaha. After we all got home, I told my friends about it, and I said maybe I should confess. But my friends told me it might be weird because I don’t even know him, I never really talked to him at all, and then suddenly I’d confess to him.

I would really like to get everyone’s advice and opinion on this story because this just happened a week ago to me and I don’t know what to do or what to think. I don’t know exactly where to start but I have known this guy since 2023 because we are in the same class and he was in a relationship with one of my then close friends that is also in our class for like a year. then at the end of 2025 in October I went through a break up and then we really started getting close and he was there for me and our friendship became really good, i could tell him everything and he always made me cheer up and made me happy. at one point our friendship started to get like really weird where people started constantly asking us if we were together and all of that because he really likes physical touch, especially with me. we would just be standing around school or sitting in our class and he would be hugging me or he would lick my hand for some reason or play with my hair or something like that. now where this all gets interesting is last week we were on a school trip for 10 days in Italy in Spain and all of that and for the first three days we were constantly together like he was in my room with my friends, we were together talking on the bus and all of that. also when i was sick on the second day of the trip he spent the day in our room trying to cheer me up and distract me from sickness. it was really nice, then he randomly came up to me and hugged me in my room and told me that he missed me a lot. And then we went to a club and he got drunk and when he was drunk, he came up to me and hugged me and told me that I’m his favourite person in the class even though his guy best friends are in our class and all of that, I mean he told me multiple times before that I’m his favourite person in the class and then we can always talk. Then throughout the whole night he was constantly hugging me but not just a regular hug. He was like cuddled up to me laying on my neck laying on my chest we almost kissed a couple of times then his best friend came up to me and told me like “come on give him a chance, are you two official finally” and stuff like. And that hugging continued throughout the whole night where we would hug for at least a minute a minute and a half where we would “cuddle”. then in the middle of the night while I was standing he came up and picked me up and held me in the air for a good minute. then we were in front of the club waiting for our professors and he sat down next to me and laid on my chest and hugged me and we were sitting down like that for maybe 5 to 10 minutes and everybody was looking at us. After that, we were in the hotel and I guess my best friend came up to him and told him that the whole situation is uncomfortable and he apologised to me if he made me uncomfortable or anything like that and I told him that he didn’t and that I enjoyed it. And that is the last time we spoke because the next day he refused to speak to me or to my friends he ignored us. He bought a T-shirt that says I love my ex. He started texting his ex again and I caught him multiple times just staring at me and looking at me or waiting for my reaction or something like that or when we were on the bus, he was trying to be extremely loud so I can hear him. And when he saw me talking to my ex, he was just stearing at us like really obviously and I guess that bothers him. I forgot to mention that the day after all of that happened I actually came up to him and asked him if he is mad at me or if I did something and he just brushed it off and said everything’s fine and all of that, even though I know it is not. now I have asked every single person for their opinion and they told me that he is probably in love with me and that he felt some type of guilt because of the whole situation and because he was drunk and basically confessed to me all of that and I didn’t give him a reaction back because I do not like him. another thing that is important about him is that he is obsessed with attention and the moment I didn’t give him that attention back meaning like a kiss or a relationship he started talking with his ex again and tried to make me jealous. i’m currently really sad that I lost such a good friend because I have to see him every day in school and we can’t even say hi to each other and I don’t know if I did something wrong. Maybe the only thing is that I was hugging him back and giving him that attention and maybe leading him on I guess. but I would really like other perspectives and maybe a male perspective of all of this because I don’t.

if anyone has any questions about my story or anything they would like to know, i would love to tell you.
please help guys

I (21M) was hanging out last night with my best friend (22F); we were having fun reading heated rivalry. She has become obsessed with it and we’ve even made a ton of inside jokes related to it. Throughout the night I was doing my Impression of Ilija (one of the main characters) which my friend really likes me doing.

I was doing it and doing some dirty talk in the character of Ilija talking to the other main character Shane,which my friend said she liked and found funny. We even played a couples game and did it as Shane and Ilija, it was really fun.

At around 1:30 she decided it was time to go home, and 10 minutes later we arrived back at her place and after a few minutes of doing more playful dirty talk she said that she thought I sounded really hot in the accent and that she was even turned on by it. And finally when she was about to leave she kissed me.

It wasn’t anything big, she just gave me a quick pec and then after a second of getting over the shock of doing that she left and went inside.

Since then we have talked (mainly about her finishing a storm of swords) but besides me asking if she slept ok, she hasn’t really brought up anything related to last night. We’re supposed to be hanging out tomorrow and idk what I’m supposed to do.

Do I just never talk about it, do I risk making the day kinda awkward by bringing it up, or do I just wait until she talks about it.

I do like her and have wanted to kiss her myself but never have because I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable around me or make her feel like friendship has changed. I was even surprised that it wasn’t just on my side, she told me a few months back that a year ago she actually almost kissed me but didn’t because I was too tall (I’m 6’2 she around 5’4).

I just need advice on how to go about this, I’ve never really been in a relationship before and this was my first kiss with a girl in a long time.

So this is going to be a long one.

I (29m) have been going to this bar for a few years and there's a bartender (35f) there who's been acting differently and I'm not sure if she's dropping hints, or if I'm just being delusional. I've never put the moves on this girl, and always tip well (at least 25%). Also, I'm fairly friendly with the owner so I'm not entirely sure how much that comes into play. I'm also in a relationship, and she says that she is too, and I don't want to upset my SO, and am basically just wondering if I should address this or not.

I generally go to this place about once a month, and the last two or three times I've visited, there's been a difference in the way I'm treated, vs other customers. The first thing that happened was I went in with my neighbor after not going for a few months, and she made a comment about not seeing me in a while. I didn't really think anything of it at the time, but looking back it's a little odd because up until that point I'd never spoken to her aside from the transactional stuff. I noticed she was sort of hovering around my seat, volunteering information about her personal life, asking me questions about my own, and making comments like "I just want to put a smile on your face." She gave me a free drink at one point, seemingly out of nowhere, and before I left she gave me a bottle of wine. My neighbor is an older lady, and what even put this on my radar is she said something about the way and how often she was looking at me. The last two times I've visited, she's been this way. Overly friendly, hovering nearby, hooking me up with free shit, staring and she's made several comments that I'm not sure how to take, and I'm totally clueless when it comes to women.

Again, I've never tried to hit on this woman, I always tip well, and I'm not single (I met my current gf when she was bartending also, which is why this is even noticeable). My issue is that while I enjoy the attention and friendliness, I'm not down for the drama that's associated with this kind of thing. I'm not sure if this is what I think it is, in which case I'll have to either find a new establishment or find some way to get her to pump the brakes, or if she's just being nice. Help?

I (23F) have a work friend (20M) who recently asked me out on a date . I’ve never been in a relationship or have been on a date before so Im very new to learning what is to be expected but I feel that what I’ve experienced may not be the standard?

My friend and I met 4 months ago working working with each-other, and the atmosphere is so stressful that I never had a chance to consider having a crush on him or even getting to know him better (although I did know that we had the same music and movie tastes).He's a nerdy guy who’s literally the sweetest, always looking out for others.

After work one day, my work friend asks me out on a date with flowers. I find this adorable and say yes but to be clear, he never calls it a “date”. He says “would you want to grab dinner sometime but I pay for it“.

We end up going on this unnamed date and spend a whole 8 hours together. It was lovely! but i couldn’t help but notice a sense of “friendliness” clouding over this day. He paid for dinner but stayed very far away from me the whole time, as in, always two feet apart. I can tell there are moments where he wants to touch my shoulder but recoils.

he also seems very nervous. He talks a lot in the work place but one on one tends to just go silent leaving me to always think about ways to fill the air.

He ended up asking me out on another date but called it “hanging out“. I asked his friends about what he called it to them and apparently this whole time he’s called it a “date” to them

We’ve now been on 4 dates and nothing at all has changed. We ended up finding out a lot more about each other, text more often, and had a few nice conversations but there’s still a lot of awkward silence on his part. He still stays very far away from me at all times and even speaks in a way that “friend-zones“ us.

For example, after the last date i tried to ask how he feels about going on these dates he said “ dude I have a great time hanging out with you! I look forward to these days ! I feel great and I’d like to do it more often! “ but imagine it in the tone of a good friend saying this with no romantic undertones at all.

he‘s also not one for compliments. like has never once given me anything beyond a “good job”. Which is nothing I need, but I feel that the lack of makes his “friend-zone” tones more friend-zoney.

to contradict that though, he will watch movies and listen to music i recommend at the drop of a hat. He also plans these “dates” with a lot of care and pays for everything.

His friends tell me that he really likes me but his conversation style, body language, and lack of talking about “dating” or the potential of it says otherwise.

is he nervous about making me uncomfortable?

So a little context is best, my GF makes it very clear and mentions every time she has to get gas how much she just absolutely hates pumping gas, but more importantly, she has made quite a few obviously loaded little remarks about how, "she's just so jealous of her Sister and Mother, because they never have to even touch a gas pump" (she likes to make little obviously loaded remarks pretty normally/regularly). And I mean her Mother is absolutely just... disgusting, with how much of the 'tiniest', literally most 'trivial' things she makes her Father do for her, I'm talking things like handing her her drink or food or the remote etc. that is literally right next to her when he is in another room even, and 'bigger' things too that literally put his health in jeopardy due to previous heart attacks and health conditions, because she just doesn't want to do whatever it is, but is far beyond more than capable. I mean I wouldn't be surprised if she has him wipe her every time she uses the bathroom when we're not there...

So anyways, I just can't help but wonder/be unsure of whether I'm the arsehole here and being a crappy partner by not pumping her gas for her, or... I'm referring mainly to the gas pumping here, but if it helps she has also asked/had me do similar things for her like I explained with her Mother, like opening bags of chips for her, or handing her toilet paper that is literally within her arms reach when I'm in an entirely different room, etc. all that kind of stuff... I just can't help but see this as kind of like maybe a 'controlling' type of matter? Or like I said am I just overreacting and being ridiculous for not bringing her something within arms reach of her when I'm even in a different room idea y'know...

​

I love my boyfriend a lot. I also feel like we have our issues.But when we were in the beginning stages of our relationship we had taken a week long break and i asked him if we were going to stay loyal during it and he said yes then proceeded to flirt with another woman, i was shattered but told me about chastity and gave me a key and wanted me back so we tried again, and we have been doing good since. ive learned a lot about myself in this relationship, about how i like to be dominate him and have him caged up for me, but i feel like im not doing enough for him, like i dont peg him enough or degrade him enough a month or 2 ago i found a porn reddit he has had and i felt uncomfortable bc im a very insecure individual. And recently i found him liking thirst traps of beautiful women on tik tok and a few of them were only fans girls and his argument is if i didnt go looking i wouldnt be upset, but its the point of him liking them in the first place. Ive also developed the insecurity of not being a trans woman. But i do know hes bi and likes both ways but i still feel the fear hes going to find a hot trans women that likes all the shit he does. how do i stop being as insecure or talk to him about my insecurities. I love him a lot

and after the tik toks i asked him to cage up for me and he still hasnt

i wish i had a pornstar body bc then maybe he would oay more attention to me or compliment me more

things to note,

its not a constant thing of him liking other girls thirst traps but its a here and there

and he doesnt compliment me every week not just every day but not every week

he doesnt post me but posts his car 24/7 and wont repost my stories of me

also my first reddit story so sorry if its bad

how do i salvage our relationship and push past this?

I’m pretty sure I’m in love with my guy best friend and I have no idea what to do with that.

I (21F) have a guy best friend (23M) — I’ll call him Tory. We haven’t actually known each other that long, only a few months, but somehow he’s become the most important person in my life. We talk every single day, call constantly, text all day… it just feels easy in a way I’ve never had with anyone before.

The problem is I caught feelings. Bad.

And I can’t do anything about it. For one, we’ve kind of already friend-zoned each other (long story involving me being drunk and saying dumb things). And two, he’s genuinely the best friend I’ve ever had and I’m terrified of ruining that.

We’re both on the spectrum, so we connect in a way that’s hard to explain. We talk a lot about how difficult relationships can be, and I think somewhere in all of that, my feelings just… grew. He understands me in a way no one else really has.

Everyone around me keeps saying he probably likes me too, but I really don’t think he does. He just got out of a serious relationship not that long ago, and I think I’m just the person he feels safe with while he’s healing. I’m the one he vents to, the one telling him everything he’s feeling is normal.

But then he does things that mess with my head.

I invited him to my birthday, and it was the first time we met in person. He went out of his way to match his outfit to mine perfectly, and he wrote me a handwritten card in cursive with a whole poem in it.

And I mean an actual poem, not just “happy birthday lol.” Like lines about how our time together “feels like years in moments shared” and how our connection is “growing more each day.”

And he calls me “princess” and “cheesecake,” which honestly does not help my situation at all.

He’s always supportive, always kind, always there. And I’ve never felt like this before.

Even my mom noticed and said she’s never seen me act like this about anyone, and I just keep denying it and saying we’re “just friends,” which feels like a lie at this point.

So yeah. This is basically just a rant because I can’t actually say out loud that I’m in love with him.

Update: Well… turns out I wasn’t crazy.

He admitted he liked me and told me he’s been stuck in this cycle of “I like you but I’m scared of losing the friendship,” said he’d date me if he was in a better headspace, and kept saying our friendship meant too much to risk. Which obviously made everything even more confusing because that’s basically emotional whiplash with a side of hope.

At the same time, he was also talking to another girl, went on a “date” with her (which included helping her move and sleeping in the same bed), and then posted a very poetic soft launch type post about lying beside someone who made life feel peaceful. So yeah. That was… clarifying.

I realized I was stuck in this weird inbetween where I was emotionally giving relationship-level energy to someone who wasn’t actually choosing me. It started feeling less like friendship and more like I was an emotional placeholder close enough to keep, but never clear enough to claim.

So I finally told him I needed space and boundaries. I asked him to stop mentioning liking me or anything beyond friendship because for my own sanity, this has to stay strictly friends. I told him I can’t keep feeling like I’m stuck in something unclear or like I’m a placeholder.

The truth is, I don’t even know if we can still be friends after this. As much as I care about him, I need to move on, and I’m not sure I can do that while staying this close to someone I loved and hoped for. Sometimes distance isn’t punishment, it’s just the only way to let go.

Not the happy ending I was hoping for, but I guess that’s life. Sometimes people can care about you deeply and still not choose you, and sometimes loving someone means accepting that they were a lesson, not your person.

I won’t be able to explain it all, it’s too long. when i was 17 my friend group and a group of boys from my town used to talk and hangout. Myself and one guy let’s call him J talked all the time online. I enjoyed talking to him, I would get excited to see his name pop up on my phone. He later confessed to liking me, but I never thought of it being more than friends. My friends made us kiss for a pic, everyone shipped us together, I would get mad at them for it.

After maybe a good few months of constant talking, he confessed his feelings, and I said I just wanna be friends as we were both so young, it felt too soon for a relationship, we were both 17. He then started to treat me differently, after the rejection, which I called him out for. Anyway we then kinda started to bicker. So I left him on open and thought in my head a one month break would be good. As days went by I thought about him all the time, I missed him, that’s when I developed feelings and realised I liked him.

A month goes by I reach out to him and tell him I thought a break would be good for us, and said I missed talking to him, he said he missed talking to me too. Time went on and I felt it still wasn’t the same. I think I left him on open again. I don’t blame him for being annoyed about that 😂. Anyway I started to hear things from people that he was talking to a new girl, I was jealous. I felt sick, I remember a time of not eating food, I lost some weight, and created a breakup playlist on Spotify I would listen to all the time, some of the words hit so hard it would make me feel sick and sad. Sometimes, I’d cry before bed, I really really missed him. Never felt this for a boy before. Top songs - billie eilish ‘wildflower, the greatest, L’amour de ma vie’. I remember my first girls holiday, thought about him all the time, tried to loose my vcard then, thinking of him. My friends never realised I really liked him so much, I never really said it to them, only one girl, my closest friend I cried too. J and the girl only went out for a month, but I remember my first time seeing her in a nightclub, she was very nice to me, came up on the dance floor and danced w me briefly. I never seen the two of them together that night, but I did get with a lad who J didn’t like and I remember on the dance floor looking over the crowd and locking eyes with J, while I was with this other guy, but all I wanted was him.

Anyway when they broke up, one month later, he started texting me again. I think I was annoyed he thought he could just come back to me again. I had just started college at that time. J came up to Dublin for a night out, he asked to stay at mine, but I was in digs, I was looking forward to seeing him. That night was fun, we went outside for some privacy, I really wanted to have a deep convo with him, and I tried starting the conversation about can we talk about us, but he was quite, probably tryna see what I was gonna say, although I was drunk I didn’t wanna be the first to open up, as I was still mad he left me for another girl. So we never got to speak about us, no deep convo. Anyway that same week I started talking to another boy and persuaded this other boy, maybe because I didn’t want to give into J as he went a dated a girl. Myself and the boy went out for over a year, J never left my mind, which I feel guilty for, I never got excited with my ex the way I did w J, then me and my ex ended up living together so that’s why it went on for long, felt like I was in a contract.

Since January this year J started going out with a girl I know. Me and my ex just broke up, is it bad that I hope J breaks up with the girl and one day we can talk again. Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did it go? Some other bits I want to add, I always got along with his friends, and my friends always liked him. My friends still like to talk about when we all used to hangout. My feeling for j has never left. He always kept me in his Snapchat private story.

I’m a ‘23 F’, my bf is ‘26M’
I have been with my boyfriend for nearly three years. He is a very good man—he was the one who pursued me, and he worked very hard to win me over. We have shared many happy times together, save for certain disagreements regarding our differing views. For instance, he wants me to be exclusively his; he gets jealous whenever I go out with a mixed-gender group of friends, or even if I simply text or meet up to study with a male friend—situations that trigger his intense anger. These conflicts have plagued us ever since we first started dating. I confided in a few friends about this, and one of them suggested that I need to be more understanding and empathetic toward him—particularly in situations where I am studying in the company of other men. There have been numerous occasions where we were on the verge of breaking up, only for him to come back to me and beg me to take him back; similarly, whenever we have an argument, he is always the one to reach out and apologize. However, none of that really matters when, as a result of these issues, those friends have drifted away, and we can no longer hang out together as naturally as we did before I started dating him.

Recently, since starting university—a much larger and broader environment—I’ve met some wonderful friends. I’ve had opportunities to socialize more, and they often invite me out to hang out or grab a meal. However, my boyfriend feels uneasy about this; he doesn't want me going out in groups that consist solely of guys. I actually do understand his perspective, but we are in a professional academic setting, and those friends are incredibly respectful and genuinely good people. Over time, my boyfriend and I began arguing more frequently, and my feelings started to shift. I found myself wanting to dedicate my time to my studies and my friends rather than talking or opening up to my boyfriend, largely because he seemed to be sulking or getting upset with me constantly. Not long after that, I developed feelings for one of the friends in my group; I felt he was mature, a genuinely good person, and attentive to others' feelings—qualities that made me feel warmth and comfort. Eventually, I sat down with my boyfriend and told him that I didn't think I loved him anymore. I asked to break up, though we got back together shortly thereafter. I tried my absolute best not to do anything that would make me a "bad person" or lead to me cheating on him. Despite our arguments, my boyfriend is, at heart, a very good man; he buys me flowers every two weeks, looks out for me, and does everything I ask of him. I confessed to him that I had feelings for someone else. He told me he would need time to think things over, but after seeing me weep with remorse over my shifting emotions, he ultimately forgave me. Lately, however, I’ve been feeling conflicted again—like I’m stuck in limbo. I still have a great time when I go out with my boyfriend, but whenever I run into that other friend, it triggers a train of thought, and every time we interact, I find myself experiencing those same feelings all over again. It’s giving me a massive headache, and right now, I honestly have no idea what I want.

You can judge me however you like, because I know I’m not exactly a good person. I know that what I’m doing is wrong, and honestly, I didn’t even think he would still want me or want to be with me—yet he does. Everyone around me knows that he truly loves me—and loves me even more than I love him. But these thoughts just keep swirling around in my head; I feel both guilty and exhausted. Yet, we share a deep level of attachment—he helps me with absolutely everything—so a part of me feels like I simply cannot do without him. Please, tell me what I should do!?.

TL;DR: I'm a 23F, my boyfriend is 26M, and we've been together nearly 3 years. He’s loving and caring, but very jealous—especially around male friends—and it’s strained my friendships. Recently, I met someone new at university who makes me feel happy and understood. I’ve confessed my feelings to my boyfriend, and he forgave me, but now I’m confused: I enjoy my boyfriend but still feel drawn to this other person. I feel guilty, conflicted, and exhausted. How can I figure out what I truly want, and what’s the right thing to do for both of us?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years, and lately I honestly don’t know anymore if we’re just emotionally exhausted or truly incompatible. We came from very different backgrounds. I grew up simple, family-oriented, and can also consider myself a breadwinner at times. Because of that, I became very practical, independent, straightforward, and future-oriented. I learned early how to survive and carry responsibilities. I help my family financially and pay for my own apartment, electricity, and bills on time without asking help from him. Meanwhile, my boyfriend grew up in a more comfortable life. He doesn’t really carry the same level of responsibilities because no one depends on him financially, so most of the time he only has himself to think about. He is smart, loyal, and emotionally intelligent. He excels in almost everything he does, even at work, and he can easily find high-paying jobs.

His capability is never the problem, but rather his consistency when it comes to work and finances. Sometimes, I feel like he doesn’t fully feel the pressure to stay consistent because he still doesn’t have major responsibilities yet. He likes expensive things, gadgets, and shoes, and struggles with handling his finances even if his salary is good. There are times when he earns more than enough but still runs out financially because of his spending habits. I’m the type of person who always thinks ahead, prioritizes responsibilities first, and worries about the future. Honestly, there are times when I quietly feel like I’m carrying him more financially, emotionally, and mentally already, but I never say that directly to him because I respect and value him as a person and partner.

Recently, we had a huge fight because of the way I delivered my words during a misunderstanding. My intention was concern, but he felt attacked and misunderstood. That’s when he opened up and told me that over the years, my delivery made him feel small, criticized, emotionally unsupported, and like I never appreciated his growth and efforts. He said that maybe we should cool off because he’s reconsidering if we’re really fit for each other. He also told me that he feels like I no longer bring out the best version of himself and that whenever we argue, he feels more like a failure than a partner. Hearing that broke me. What he feels is valid, and I apologized. I was hurt by his decision because despite his flaws, I still stayed, supported him emotionally and financially, lowered my pride and walls many times, apologized whenever I realized I hurt him, and tried to understand him. I admit I’m not perfect. I know I’m not the sweetest, softest, or clingiest partner. Life made me practical and survival-focused, and because of that, my delivery can sound direct even when I don’t intend to hurt him. But I never looked down on him, never saw him as a loser, and never stopped loving him. I was always there for him despite our incompatibilities, different love languages, and repeated misunderstandings. After the fight, I told him that if a cool off is what he wants, then I’ll respect it.

I don’t want more drama, and I’m tired too, especially since I already tried to fix things and lowered my pride. But I also started feeling emotionally unsafe in the relationship. Not because he’s a bad person, but because in almost every conflict or argument we have, he tends to perceive my words differently, like I’m always attacking him or making him feel like he’s the problem, even when my intention is not to hurt him. At the same time, I also started feeling like I’m always the one carrying the emotional weight of trying to fix things and make the relationship work. I want to start building a family soon, but deep inside, I still feel like he’s not fully ready for long-term commitment and stability, even if he says he is, because sometimes reality and actions feel different from words. I kept giving him the benefit of the doubt because I love him, even during moments when a part of me was already questioning whether I was holding on to promises that might never happen.

I would describe our relationship as mutual in terms of love, loyalty, care, and effort because he genuinely loved me and gave his best in many ways. Even financially, our relationship was never one-sided. It wasn’t literally 50/50 all the time because there were moments when he earned more and did his best to provide, and there were also times when I carried more financially, especially when he lost his job or struggled with consistency at work. During those times, I supported him because I loved him and wanted to help him get back on his feet. The difference is that I was always consistent when it came to work and responsibilities, so I was never in a position where I completely ran out financially because I always made sure I had work to rely on. That’s why this hurts so much. It’s not a relationship without love, loyalty, or effort. It’s a relationship between two people who genuinely loved each other but became emotionally exhausted, misunderstood, and tired from carrying different expectations, communication styles, emotional needs, and being in different stages of life emotionally and mentally.

Now I don’t know anymore, and I want opinions from people who experienced long-term relationships. Am I being too hard on him because I value stability too much? Was I emotionally damaging him without realizing it? Or are we simply two people who love each other deeply but are no longer emotionally compatible for the future we both want?

I’m 28F and he’s 29M. We both have professional work and earn well.

Last year around July, I attended a youth debate conference in Toronto and met a girl there — let’s call her Lucia. She’s Asian Puerto Rican, studies at UofT, and I’m from UBC.

During the 5-day conference, we spent a lot of time talking and getting to know each other. I ended up staying in Toronto for 2 extra days after the conference, and during that time Lucia still made the effort to meet me at the St. George campus. She literally traveled from Mississauga to Toronto two days in a row just to hang out, have fun, and spend time together before I left.

On my last day before heading back, we hugged at the metro station and said we’d keep in touch.

Lucia’s personality is kind of ambiverted — she’s logical, reserved, and carries herself in a very professional way, but she’s also fun and easy to talk to once she opens up. She’s also not really into social media. She barely uses it and mostly just communicates through WhatsApp. She’s very focused on self-development, org work, studies, and work, so she’s honestly a pretty busy and disciplined person overall.

Since then, we’ve been keeping in touch mostly through Zoom calls about once a month, and our calls usually last around 2–4 hours. I’m honestly the one who initiates the catch-ups almost every time, which is one reason I’m confused about everything. But at the same time, whenever we do talk, the conversations become really long and meaningful naturally.

One time, though, we accidentally talked for 8 hours straight. I didn’t have classes that day and was just studying while talking to her, but she actually skipped two classes and stayed on call with me until 5 PM. I even told her I was worried I might affect her academics, but she said, “I just enjoy spending time with you.”

There was also another time when we talked from 9 PM until midnight, and I later found out she stayed in the library the entire time because she had already used all her mobile data and didn’t have Wi-Fi at home.

Our most recent catch-up was last month, and during that call she mentioned that I’m one of the only people — and the person who has stayed in touch with her the longest — despite us living far away from each other. She also said she enjoys spending time talking with me. At one point she mentioned that she actually prefers talking once a month rather than every day because “if you talk every day, what’s even left to update each other about?”

Another thing that stuck with me: during my stay in Toronto, we played “Never Have I Ever” with her friends, and she mentioned that she’s open to long-distance relationships. She also joked that she doesn’t really care if a guy is big or small. I honestly don’t know if that was indirectly aimed at me or not.

Now I’m confused because I really like her, but I don’t want to become delusional and assume she likes me back when she’s maybe just being friendly.

My sister keeps saying, “Bro, obviously she likes you,” but one of my friends thinks this is just normal behavior and that it doesn’t necessarily mean anything — especially since I’m usually the one initiating conversations.

The thing is, I’m planning to do an internship in the UK next year, so there’s a chance I might not see her again for 1–2 years. Part of me wants to just shoot my shot and confess either online or the next time we meet.

So I genuinely need advice: does this sound like she might actually like me, or am I reading too much into it?

Hey everyone. I have recently come to the conclusion that I have an anxious attachment style, which I think has really affected my (romantic) relationships. I met a guy on Hinge and we went on a few dates. I thought it was going really well; he was really kind and sweet, listened to me and actually made effort, told me how attracted he was to me. Then he did a 180°. No responses for days, and when he finally did respond, he said he didn’t expect to like me as much as he did, and he still had baggage from a previous relationship. It was sudden, and I was really upset.

Texts for the week after were minimal, but then he really started texting a lot again. Those texts also became very sexual (which was reciprocated by me tbf). But then after another week, silence again. I feel stupid for thinking maybe he had a change of mind.

The silence is killing me. I have sent texts saying I hope he’s doing okay, and it breaks my soul when I see each passing hour of him not even reading my messages. I don’t know how to get over all this. He obviously has no interest, but it still hurts me so much and I keep trying to fight for his feelings.

This is also a common theme with my ex. He broke up with me a year ago, but I kept emailing him letters about how i’m feeling, which i know only pushes him away. We were no contact for a few months, then started (platonically) talking again in late 2025. We never saw each other in person after last July, until about a month ago very briefly for about an hour. A lot of the feelings I had finally lost came flooding back to me, especially when he said he started talking to someone else. I spiraled and sent another letter to him. Again, no response. I texted him apologizing, wanting to talk as friends again, and he said he needed time.

All I want to do is text both of them again. I need reassurance that I know I am not going to get. I feel like I lost 2 relationships/situationships in a very short amount of time, which has been incredibly difficult, and I can’t stop feeling like it’s completely my fault. My confidence is almost completely gone, and I feel like I need to cling onto these relationships. I know it’s not healthy, but my mind keeps racing and the anxiety is taking over.

Any advice on how to get through this mentally, and help myself with this problem I have with myself would be very appreciated.

This friend of mine has this girlfriend he’s been with for a few years. Within the first 2 days of me meeting her he set it off by saying I have a large penis and this gets her to start talking. Later on we go to a party hosted by my friend and towards the middle of the night some drama happens because apparently one of my other friends was hitting at this girlfriend.

Later on I begin seeing her more with him and she slowly begins complimenting me and asking me if I was her boyfriend I would let her be a stripper. Numerous flirtatious interactions later it’s near Valentine’s Day and she calls me asking for help making him a cd. While we are at her boyfriend’s house with his mom, his mom makes a joke about manhandling (boyfriend isn’t home) and amidst the commotion and laughter she goes to me and says “are you gonna manhandle me too?”

Later on I get into argument with her boyfriend that leads us to not talk until months later at another party, where he tries to talk to me and then her brings her and she begins saying I look old and mature. I feel her staring at me and later on I’m the crowd I feel someone grab my arm and I turn around and she’s right behind me.

After that I didn’t see them for a year until I went to the bar with some friends and ran into them, where it seemed chill. However a few weeks later I went to their place and while we were drinking they got into a childish and intense argument. After this commotion he leaves the room to go on the phone and then she comes up to me and goes “I missed you I thought I would never see you again. We’ve known each other for years and I’ve been thinking of you I can’t wait to see you again” and begins flirting again. I have told him before that she flirts and he has accused me of trying to get at her and has even made a comment about us hooking up. What should I do?

So uhm a guy in my art class, who is my friend- keeps flirting with me art class and everytime i say I'm gay or talk about my girlfriend he says I'm rubbing it in.

It's really uncomfortable because I dont want some guy flirting with me that i dont want to be a reason for breakup.

Not to mention my girlfriend has made her move 4 times and i haven't kissed her once.

What do I do?