r/RomanticAdvice

Before I begin I want to make it clear that I am aware that there’s a huge power imbalance between me, a 17f and a 42m and that he looks kinda bad in this situation. I am aware of the risks but I have come to accept that I have a preference for men that are much older.
I’ve tried dating people my age but it’s never worked and I never reciprocate feelings in the end. I am an only child so I get told I’m mature for my age and I have interests that align more closely with older people such as music and film etc.

Just over 2 months ago I went to a mini festival (2000s indie bands) with my friend (also 17f) close to where we live. We had been drinking whilst we were there but I wouldn’t describe us as drunk at this point.
Before the main band was about to come on stage me and my friend moved further towards the front of the crowd and we had taken some small bottles of alcohol in our bags and we were drinking that. It was straight gin so it obviously made us more drunk.
A man stood behind us started talking to us and asked about how we had got it in and then the conversation turned more general. He was on his own and we asked why and it turned out his friend couldn’t end up going so he came alone but he didn’t mind. We started talking about the bands that had been playing and he told us that there was an after party thing after but it was 18+ so me and my friend couldn’t go. I did tell him I was 18 tho which in hindsight was probably a mistake but I wanted to keep talking to him.
He ended up offering me and my friend some of his beer and we accepted it (I know it was so dangerous to accept it but we were not thinking straight)
The conversation started flowing and we ended up talking about films and books and stuff like that. It turns out we are both massive David Lynch fans and we ended up adding each other on Letterboxd (my friend did too) We also spoke about books and he told me his favourite book was The Master and Margarita. He was really shocked that I had that book and I’d also read Tolstoy and Dostoevsky so we kinda bonded over that.
When the gig started I ended up being pretty drunk, not excessively tho. By the end of it the crowd was pretty rowdy and he was kinda like protecting me and my friend from the moshing. My friend ended up talking to a guy behind us so it was just me and the man when it got to the encore. I was struggling to stand up straight in the crowd and he put his arms around my waist and held me which I really enjoyed.
When the band finished I asked if I could kiss him and we made out for what seemed like a long time for a kiss but I can’t remember the details. Afterwards he was like ‘you’re really good at that’ which I have to admit did make me smile.
My friend and I thanked him for looking after me and he was so nice and I actually ended up hugging him goodbye before my friend pulled me a way so we could leave before the massive crowds.

I forgot to mention that I have had a thing for older men for a while and have craved being in an age gap relationship despite knowing the risks. I cannot help who I’m attracted to. I should also add I do not have ‘daddy issues’. My dad has been present all my life and we have a good relationship.

The next day I could not stop thinking about him. I rarely find people that have similar interests to me and although I was drunk I thought we had a good connection and he was so nice.
He used to live in the same city as me but has since moved 2 hours away.
I ended up adding him on insta after finding it in his Letterboxd bio and he added me back although neither of us has since messaged.
2 months later and I still can’t stop thinking about this connection. I have been battling with the thoughts about messaging him and asking if I could see him again. I know I don’t really have anything to lose but I’m scared of rejection and I’m scared he thought that I was a drunk mess rather than someone cool that he had shared interests with . (I turn 18 in 3 months btw). I know people will say it’s a bad idea to get into an age gap r/s but I’m hoping people on here won’t judge.
If I message him how should I go about it? Additionally I did ask if he was married/dating someone and the answer was a definite no.
I just really can’t stop thinking about him and whether he liked me or not. I don’t really have any other relationship prospects at this moment in time and will be looking for an age gap anyway . I feel like I need an answer but I will be sad if it’s not what I’m hoping for but surely that’s better than nothing?

So basically me (17m) and this girl (16f) are new to a job and we have people we got the job through. She’s really shy and was for the first few shifts then all of a sudden I started to make her laugh when talking to her and ever since then we talked more she seems to ask questions about me when working together getting to know me she remembers stuff about me and we would like mess each others work up as a joke not badlt just one or two small things and thenn the other day I had a QR code a picture of it we needed for something I said I’d help her and she can scan it and she said do I just wanna send it to her (asking for my snap) then we add each other we start snapping and she asks me what my TikTok is not even for the QR code I tell her it we was talking a tiny bit on messages she sends me videos on TikTok how I’m her fav co worker and about a co worker we both hate but the other day I asked to walk her home she said yes and I walked her. I guess I’m just trying to say is do you think she likes me and if so what should I do to make it to the next step?

My husbands friend is kind of a flirt, and I picked this up immediately from the moment I met him. He compliments me a lot, and often in front of my husband. I don’t think much of it because he doesn’t really hide his behavior nor do I think he’s a cheating type , but if I were his fiance I definitely wouldn’t like it.

The last time we were all out together he told me I smell so good — in front of my husband lol. Then later on in the night he took my hand and complimented my nails. Then on the way to the next bar he took my arm and sort of massaged it as he opened the car door for me. That I found odd. Mind you most of this stuff happens while my husband or fiance is right there.

That night my husband noticed he also touched my hair and my back (I don’t remember this, I was very buzzed and in deep conversation with his fiance). He sort of confronted him about his flirtatiousness that night. My husband has known him forever and knows him to be flirtatious but not actually act on anything. We’ve also both talked about it and I’ve mentioned I think he’s just more complimentary and forward than other men , and it doesn’t really bother me. But is that naive of me ? I’m not sure what to make of it because this hasn’t really happened to me before. I also don’t feel all that uncomfortable with the comments and whatnot, but the arm touch was a bit much and I know his fiancée wouldn’t like it.

Are some men just more comfortable being this way with women, or is this out of line?

Like, I have a crush on some guy and I thought of approaching him first (at the gym) but all of the people that I have told this said that “guys are simple” and if he also finds me attractive or wanted to get to know me, he would have approached me by himself. So I have a question for the guys, especially at the gym, even if you’re a really shy person, would you approached a girl you find attractive or would you just wait so that she would make the first “move”? Because i had another guy once approaching me at the gym, he was blushing a lot and it was visible that he was shy and embarrassed but he still approached me…. can that be that the guy that i like maybeeeeee thinks of me the same way but is too shy to approach or he just dgaf?😔 (I have wrote several posts about the full story with him, so if you want context for this guy you can look up these:))

So here’s some background. I (23) have been head over heels for her (23) since we were eight. We’ve been a part of each other’s lives since then, and she’s seen me through a lot of the hardest things. But I’ve also known she was straight, and she often had a boyfriend when I was single, and I was dating when she was single. I valued our friendship over anything, I never expected anything from her. We never talked much about feelings so I could never pick up how she felt about me. It wasn’t until a few months ago when she told me she wasn’t straight. But she has been with her boyfriend for several years now, and sometimes talks about wanting to have kids with him. But strangers who see us together have assumed that we’re in love, and I cannot imagine a life without her.
Now I have a lot of good opportunities over a 6 hour drive away, but I have to move within a couple months. She is always busy with multiple jobs, and I cannot drive, so we only really see each other maybe once or twice a year lately at the distance we’re at now. I think any less would be too painful to me.
So what do you think? Do I confess to her before I go, take the chance instead of being too afraid and potentially miss out? While also risking hurting her because she’s both losing a friend and she’s in a relationship? Do I not say anything to preserve our friendship, and we both potentially miss out just because we were both raised to be too tough to say anything? What do I do?

Okay, I genuinely need an outside perspective because I feel like I’ve been living in my own head about this for way too long 😭last year, I had an additional paper class in my college and noticed this guy there. We had a few random eye-contact moments and eventually started talking a little. Nothing dramatic happened, but I found him attractive and developed a crush.At some point, I found him on our class group and started messaging him mostly about the academics. We eventually became somewhat comfortable talking, but the pattern was almost always that I initiated and he replied. He was never rude or cold, but he also didn't really pursue the conversation or initiate much. So I eventually assumed he wasn't interested and stopped trying.Then, months later,(he wasn't attending lectures during those months) he randomly texted me first asking about the lecture.It took me a month to actually know his name.After that, when we saw each other again, things became much more comfortable.There were little things that confused me:

He would make space for me to sit next to him.

He remembered when I hadn't attended class.

He would sometimes walk with me and we'd take the same route home.

He acknowledged that I was trying hard to talk to him and literally told me he was introverted but was “trying.”

We had this stupid little handshake ritual every time we parted 😂

Once I teased him about his hair always falling over his forehead and he actually fixed it while laughing.

We followed each other on Instagram.

Later, after the class ended, we still occasionally talked.At one point he himself initiated a conversation and asked if we could talk on the phone, and we ended up talking for around 50 minutes. It wasn't romantic, but we talked about random personal stuff too.There have been other small moments where he seemed genuinely comfortable and engaged with me.

BUT.

He has never actually made a clear romantic move.

Even when I stopped messaging, he didn't consistently come looking for me. Most of our conversations have still been initiated by me, although there have been a few occasions where he initiated himself.I've liked him for YEARS at this point, and I've tried multiple times to get over it. Sometimes I genuinely think I'm over him, and then somehow he pops back into my head again.Recently we started talking again. Nothing serious, just normal conversation.I made my mind that okay I'll confess him so I texted him tonight and I asked where are you he told me he's currently on a trip with friends. We joked around for a bit and the conversation ended normally.And now I'm sitting here thinking:

Should I finally tell him everything?

Not in a “please date me” way. More like:

“I liked you for a really long time. I never said anything because I always assumed you weren't interested. But some of your actions genuinely confused me, and I could never tell whether you were just being friendly or whether there was something else from your side. Maybe I was simply overanalysing everything because I liked you. I've tried getting over it several times and apparently failed 😂. So I thought I'd finally tell you instead of continuing to make theories in my head. What did you actually think of me/us?”

I'm honestly okay with whatever answer he gives. I'm not expecting him to suddenly confess his love or anything.But part of me thinks maybe I should just stop initiating altogether and see if he ever comes looking for me on his own.

So Reddit, what would you do?

Tell him honestly how I felt and ask how he saw everything, or stop initiating and let his actions (or lack of them) answer the question?

And please be brutally honest. I don't want people just telling me what I want to hear. 😂

I tried to summarise the whole plot in the best way I could but the whole plot is kinda more interested so I can't now decode the whole plot.

I’m in high school and I have this guy friend that likes me for 4 yrs now, he says that it’s his first time to like someone for this long because he usually falls out of love very quickly with his other crushes but for some reason with me he keeps relapsing. I don’t really know what to do with him bc I really like talking to him but I’m 100% sure tho that I only like him platonically. The other thing is he’s really good towards me like my friends say that he always listen when I’m talking, he speaks more softly to me than towards others , he does a lot of things for me even when i don’t even tell him to do it and he’s really careful and considerate about what I feel and think it’s like he’s has a soft spot towards me and mind you btw he used to be a bully and would scream at others a lot. I used to have feelings for him back then too but I fell out of love pretty quickly and now I don’t like anyone anymore and also, he is my type but I just don’t like him that way for some reason. What do I do honestly??my friends just say that i should give him a chance but I don’t want anything to do with situations like this if I’m still in school and I don’t want him to wait for my answer either..

I’ve known this girl since 9th grade. She apparently liked me back then, but I didn’t realize it. After 10th, we started talking every single day, and literally not a single day has gone by without us talking for almost 4 years.
We went to different schools/streams after 10th, but stayed extremely close. We talk about everything — family, problems, random daily stuff, gossip, basically our entire lives. There were even nights when I stayed awake until 2–3 AM just to talk to her and say goodnight.
Over time, I developed real feelings for her. I eventually told her. She said whatever she felt was only until 9th and that she didn’t want a relationship. I accepted that, but later she randomly said, “I like you too.”
That confused me even more.
We continued talking every day like nothing happened. She has given me a lot of mixed signals over the years, but whenever the topic of actually dating comes up, she says “I want to be single.”
I’ve even caught myself trying to become “perfect” for her, hoping maybe someday she’ll want me. She’s now in Delhi for college, and I’m scared that eventually she’ll meet someone else and I’ll lose the possibility of us ever being together.
I know she doesn’t owe me a relationship. I know she’s allowed to want to be single. And I don’t want to pressure her.
But after almost four years of talking every single day, hearing “I like you too” and then “I want to be single” has completely messed with my head.
I genuinely love her, but I don’t know whether I’m holding onto something that could actually happen someday or just something I’ve built up in my own head.
What would you do in my situation?

i’m F22 and currently confused about two guys 😭
the first guy is someone i’ve had a really close connection with for a while. he’s emotionally very good to me, listens to me, and i genuinely love having him in my life. we had feelings for each other and were romantically involved, but we recently decided to just be friends because neither of us was really on the same page about what we wanted. i’m still very emotionally attached to him and he’s someone i feel safe talking to.
then i met this 19-year-old Italian-Arab guy while travelling in Rome, and we ended up in a situationship. i’m VERY physically attracted to him and we had crazy chemistry. he’s super tall, charming, respectful, and i really like him. but we don’t speak the same language fluently, he’s pretty inconsistent with texting, and i don’t really know what he wants. sometimes he calls, asks about my day and says he misses me/kissing me, but then disappears for ages 😭
the first guy knows about my situationship with the Italian guy because one of our other friends told him about it. That obviously made things more complicated emotionally between us.
so basically i feel stuck between emotional connection with one person and intense physical attraction/chemistry with the other. and now that the first guy and i are just friends, i’m realizing how much emotional security he gave me.
i don’t know if i’m genuinely interested in the Italian guy or if it’s partly the excitement of someone new, especially because i met him while travelling.
am i expecting too much by wanting someone who gives me both emotional security AND strong physical attraction? or should i just stop trying to make either guy fit what i want and let things happen naturally? 😭

‎Hi I'm 17F and there's a guy I like for almost a year now. we met online and started talking. At first it was casual but we ended up talking more comfortable ‎About interest, our lives, and more. Then turns into a flirty conversation. it wasn't a very long time we talked but somehow I became really attached to him.

‎I realized that I like him so so much. ‎I never really told him how strong my feelings were though. I know that my feelings probably affected how I interpreted certain things. But at the time, I genuinely cared about him and looked forward to talking to him. Even though we were never officially together, he became someone I thought about a lot.

‎Eventually, things got changed. He told me he doesn't wanna be friends with me anymore cus he just wanted love and he was lonely. Continuing the friendship wasn't healthy for him. I respected his decision even tho it hurts. After that we stopped talking, there was no contact between us anymore.

‎Mny months passed. I've tried to move on ‎But every once in a while, I start thinking about him again and wondering what might have happened if I had just been honest about how I felt. The fact that I never actually told him has always bothered me a little.

‎So should I confess to him? ‎And I'm not expecting him to like me back ‎I just wanna tell him how I feel. Please I need advice😭🙏🏻🙏🏻

Hey guys. Me and this guy in uni had been talking and hanging out for like a week. Im 18F and hes 24M. Im very sure he liked me and i liked him a lot too. We talked about our age gap a lot and we were both very hesitant on it but liked each other. One day he just left me on delv for a full day and replied when he saw me walking by in campus and i avoided eye contact, then he texted me back amd said he was supwd busy with school (saw him hanging out with his friend earlier) so i replied and said “its okay i think its bettwr if we stop talking anyway” and he said “i agree take care”. I saw him on campus a couple of times after and he looked like he wanted to talk but i keep avoiding him. Should i text him? Or just leave it? We both had amazing chemistry. I keep holding back on asking him whethwr or not he had a problem with our age gap or there was another reason. Am i being too beg?

Hello Reddit! Long-time reader, first-time poster here! I suppose I am seeking advice and opinions on this situation. I will try to make a long story short while not leaving out too many important details. I am a hairstylist and have developed a crush on one of my long-term clients, and I think the crush is mutual, but I cannot tell for sure.

I have been cutting his hair for about 6 years; I met him outside of work through another client who became a friend whose hair I have been doing for almost 10 years. I was hanging out with him and his husband, and my now-crush was also there; he needed a haircut and has been a loyal client ever since. I always thought he was attractive, but I was married at the time, so he obviously was not on my radar like that, and vice versa.

I have since gotten divorced and have been single for about 2 years. I have only had one little fling since my divorce with a woman I was close with, which faded quickly; we stayed friends, but I have not had any substantial feelings or connections with anyone since, especially a man, due to some trauma from my ex-husband (I am bi, not that it matters, but just for context). I was fully prepared to stay single and stay in my lane; I did not think anything of my client or anyone else because I had so much going on getting my life together that I did not want or have anyone on my radar. I just was not ready to accept any of that, I had to heal, and I have to have a deeper connection with people to have any form of a crush or intimacy; my heart just was not there, and my client and I were not super close at the time, as it was always the same small talk and updates during his appointments.

Anyways, time for the juicy part! Please stick around; I promise I will get to the point. Around July of this year, I started to notice him as an attractive guy again, not just as a client and acquaintance. I thought he would never feel the same, as I had seen him outside of the salon a few times in a group with my other clients and friends. I still pushed it aside because surely it was nothing and I would get over it; I did not think he would have any interest in me either.

However, a few appointments ago, the vibe seemed very different during our appointments in a good way. I do not know if it is delusion or mutual attraction, but he was making more eye contact, started booking his appointments earlier, and would linger to talk to me after his appointment, which he did not do before. Again, I have been cutting his hair for about 6 years, so maybe he is just finally getting comfortable with me, but I feel like that would have happened sooner. Then we had another haircut and it was similar; he was opening up to me a bit more, too. I just felt a vibe change I've never felt with him before.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago: our mutual friends and my other clients invited me to go to a local drive-thru restaurant near town. He called to invite me and told me my crush was going to be there and that they go every Saturday. He doesn't know about the crush to my knowledge, at least from my end. We're all mutuals and haven't hung out in a while, so I decided to go because it would be fun and I could also test the waters. We all met at the place, and as soon as I got out of the car, he immediately turned to me and said, "So, I'll be seeing you next week," with a smirk; he was smiling, but not quite. I told him his appointment wasn't until the week after; apparently, we were both heavily keeping tabs on when his next appointment was. He looked at me and said, "It's definitely next week," and told me he was going to pull it up on his phone to prove it; I then took out my phone to check the book and showed him the appointment was the following week. He seemed kind of bummed it wasn't sooner, but we had some playful banter about it. He also stood near me, and we chatted here and there about silly things like pasta salad and his coleslaw preferences, lol. I was definitely a little flirty with him, but we were in a group and I didn't want to make it obvious. I also caught him staring a few times, and then he turned away when I looked back, and vice versa.

Fast forward to his next appointment, the most recent one. I suddenly had so much excitement and butterflies to see him and cut his hair that I could barely hold it together, but for the sake of professionalism, I obviously did. As soon as we saw each other, we were both cheesing, and then he reeled it back a little. He got in my chair, and we had the most in-depth conversation I've ever had with him. He really started to open up to me more and seemed a lot more comfortable. I'm looking for an apartment, and he was trying to help with ideas; he told me he had a brother and shared all about him and his girlfriend, which I never knew until then. We talked about a whole bunch of things and I learned a lot about him; we had more silly food preference talks, too. He also had me trim his facial hair, which he's never had me do; for that, I'm right in someone's face, so I was dying being a few inches away from him. He looked so fine and I was holding it together; I could see him staring at my face while I did it, and I could tell I was blushing from our cute little interactions. He stayed later to talk to me again and lingered longer than usual, and kept eye contact for most of the time. He told me about his travel plans in depth, his Halloween costume plans, and his work drama, which he's never chatted with me about before. I don't know if I'm just delusional, spot on with my feelings that this might be mutual, or what. There was a lot more banter and laughing and smiling with/at each other this time; so I can't ignore that!

My therapist thinks he is flirting with me subtly because he is a more reserved kind of guy, but I figured I would come here to see what you all think and what I should do. If I had not been his hairstylist first, I probably would have made some sort of move by now, but I want to retain our professional relationship and avoid making him uncomfortable or losing a client whom I also genuinely enjoy as a client and now friend. I wonder if he feels the same and does not want to come off as a weirdo too; all the tension is killing me. I am at the point where I am fully down bad with this crush, and I am struggling with how to navigate it. HELP! 😅

hi, i’m 26f and i have this male friend who i have a crush on. we’ve been talking practically everyday for 2 months straight. we’ve hung out 2 twice with 3/4 other hang outs planned that got cancelled on his end. recently, he was going through some mental struggles and stopped talking to me for two weeks. he came back with a few updates here and there but it just feels different now and idk what to think. as stated in my title, i’m looking for male advice and pov. i can discuss more details so the full picture makes sense. thank you!