idk if my co-worker likes me back or just being nice to me as a friend
!! this post contains a lot of “he said, I said” etc.
I’m really bad at reading signals in romantic situations, probably because of my low self-esteem and insecurity, so I’d really like to hear some outside opinions. Maybe it’s simply too early to draw any conclusions, but I genuinely can’t figure out whether my coworker is romantically interested in me or whether he’s just a very friendly and open person :(
We work together, and over the last three weeks we’ve started crossing paths much more often at work. He’s naturally very sociable, open and friendly, so sometimes when we were working in the same area, he would just ask me something and we’d start talking about completely random things, like games, studying, or joking around about something.
At some point, he suggested that we go for a motorcycle ride together (this was basically an “exchange” for some snacks I brought him).
I agreed, and we planned it for last weekend. We were texting about it beforehand, and he asked me whether I wanted to do something after the ride so he could plan his evening, or whether he should just take me home afterward.
I asked him if he wanted to do something, and he said he wouldn’t mind watching a movie or playing on the PlayStation, for example. In the end, we decided to watch a horror movie after the ride.
But (of course 🥹) that was exactly when it started pouring rain, so we had to cancel the ride because the roads were too wet. I asked if that meant I should just stay home then, and he said we could still meet and watch the movie.
So I went to his place.
We watched a horror movie while lying together on his couch, talking and joking around, but he didn’t make any attempt to get physically closer to me. There was no touching my hand, no hugging, no trying to put his arm around me or anything like that.
So naturally, I decided that he probably wasn’t into me after all.
After the movie, he asked if he should drive me home. I said yes. But he knows that I’m really afraid of the dark (it has actually become a bit of an inside joke between us over the past few weeks because we’ve talked about it quite a lot), and he asked if I wasn’t going to be scared sleeping alone since I live by myself.
I joked that after watching a horror movie, it would be pretty logical to be scared.
Then he said that if I felt comfortable, I could stay at his place and sleep in the living room.
I agreed, and he genuinely made sure I was comfortable and gave me everything I needed (he even gave me his Tshirt!), while he went to sleep in his own bedroom.
Later, there was a really intense storm and thunderstorm, so we both woke up and got up to close the windows and clean up the water from the floor.
And at some point I decided to try my luck a little and said that I was scared to sleep alone in the living room because of the storm. Maybe I exaggerated a little…
He said that I could absolutely sleep in his bed if I wanted to, so eventually we ended up sleeping in the same bed.
And again - absolutely nothing happened.
And I’m not talking about anything sexual. There wasn’t even any attempt from his side to hold hands, hug me or touch me any other way (no intimacy meant). We simply slept next to each other.
I woke up very early in the morning and basically escaped his apartment while he was still sleeping because I felt embarrassed and had absolutely no idea how to interpret the whole situation and also had to go to work
After that, I completely convinced myself that he wasn’t interested in me.
And then I did the stupid thing of looking through his social media, which only made me even more convinced that I’m not his type.
He follows a lot of girls who look very similar to each other. They’re mostly cute, petite blondes with big blue eyes and freckles.
Basically the complete opposite of me :(
I'm tall, have black hair, pretty pronounced cheekbones, dark circles under my eyes, and overall I look like I just walked out of some Tim Burton project.
So I thought: well, obviously I’m not his type.
We continued texting a little afterward, but not that much. A few messages a day, and not even every day.
A few days ago, he told me that I had left my bracelet at his place, and I confirmed that it was mine.
And then he wrote something along the lines of:
“Should I bring it to you at work, or can I hope you’ll come by again?”
And I genuinely froze.
Because this whole time I had been convinced that he probably didn’t want me to come over again.
I told him that I’d happily come over if he invited me, of course.
He replied, “We’ll arrange something,” and yesterday he followed up on that message and asked when I had some free time.
We arranged to meet, and he said that he would be at a birthday party beforehand, so when we meet he might be a little tipsy, which would make it easier for him to talk because he wouldn’t be as shy.
I told him that I hadn’t noticed him being shy at all.
And he basically admitted that he actually is shy and nervous because he doesn’t have much experience, and that I’m essentially only the second girl he has spent time with in this kind of situation.
There’s also the situation with his ex-girlfriend.
I know they broke up relatively recently. I don’t know exactly how long they were together, but I suspect around 2–3 years.
When I was at his place, I noticed a card on his desk that she had given him about two years ago. I asked if it was from his sister, and he said no, it was from his ex.
And that also made me wonder whether he’s actually emotionally ready for a new relationship or whether he’s still processing the breakup.
At the same time, he seems like a genuinely very good person. He’s very open, calm, kind and extroverted. He loves festivals, big groups of people and being around others all the time.
I’m basically the complete opposite. I love staying at home, I live mostly in my own little world, and I’m perfectly happy with a small circle of people.
And now I’m already starting to worry that maybe we’re fundamentally incompatible even though we haven’t even started dating!! 😭
It might seem stupid that I’m already thinking about things like this when we’ve only spent one evening together, but I have BPD and I’m trying not to trigger myself unnecessarily with crushes that, in my head, seem like they’re probably going nowhere.
So I genuinely don’t know how to interpret any of this.
Does it sound like he might actually be interested in me, or am I just reading way too much into everything?