u/ucantbefernreal

I (21F) was 19 when I dated my ex (23M), who I’ll call K. For context about K … The relationship started out great, but over time he became increasingly insecure and controlling. If I spent too much time at the gym, he would call and ask who I was with. If I told him I was alone, he would say I was invalidating his feelings. He would also get upset if I went out without him or wore something he considered too revealing.

The other people in this story are K’s best friend, R, and R’s best friend, P.

One summer, the four of us went on a river float together. P was visiting from Florida. If you’ve never been on a river float, it’s basically several hours of floating down a river, eating sandwiches, drinking, and hanging out. At one point, P offered the group a joint. K declined because he was interviewing for a fire station job, but I joined in. Since P and I were sharing the joint, our floats stayed next to each other, and we ended up talking for a long time. We discovered we had a lot of shared interests, including antiques, rocks, oddities, bones, and music.

Afterward, we all went to K’s parents’ house for R’s 21st birthday. We all got a little tipsy, and once again P and I ended up talking for most of the evening.
When everyone left, K immediately accused me of flirting with P all day. I was genuinely shocked because I didn’t feel that way at all. I was in love with K at the time and honestly thought I had just enjoyed talking to someone who shared my interests. It turned into an argument because I felt the accusation was completely unfounded.
A few months later, K and I broke up for reasons unrelated to P. After the breakup, I spent a lot of time reflecting on the relationship and became pretty angry about some of the things I had put up with.
Around that time, P and I started talking occasionally just to catch up. There had never been any romantic feelings between us while I was dating K and frankly none after.. I never pursued him in that way.

At one point, I jokingly said I should come visit Florida because I wanted to travel more, and P actually agreed. A few weeks later, I flew down and spent a week exploring Florida with him.
During that trip, we did end up hooking up.
We also went out to dinner and spent a lot of time together, but neither of us was looking for a relationship.
While I was there, I posted a picture of P and me working out together on Instagram. I knew there was a good chance K would see it, and if I’m being honest, part of the reason I posted it was because I was still angry about the relationship and wanted him to see that I was doing fine without him. Before posting it, I asked P if he cared what K thought, and he said he didn’t.
Nobody ever confronted me about the post, and neither R nor P seemed bothered by any of it. However, I recently found out that K no longer allows P at his house. This is significant because R and P are now roommates, which means K’s issue with P has apparently continued long after my relationship with K ended.
AITAH?

I am a 21 year old woman living in the Pacific Northwest, and I am having such a terrible time dating. I could go on and on about modern dating, how nobody wants to settle down, and how romance feels dead these days. And yes, I’m saying men because I only date men, but I’m sure this could apply to women too.

However, there is one small thing that always turns me off and makes me feel like a complete snob.
It’s when guys use things like “wyd,” “wtm,” and similar abbreviations constantly.
And no, I’m not talking about “lol,” “lmao,” or “omg.”

To me, those are different because they function more like emotional cues or emojis than actual conversation.
I know what some of you are thinking.
“OP, everyone uses abbreviations.”
Yes, but hear me out.
When someone constantly sends “wyd,” it feels less like they are actually interested in what I’m doing and more like they are throwing out the lowest effort conversation starter possible. I know that probably sounds dramatic, but I genuinely do not know how else to explain it.

For example, if someone asks, “Anything interesting happening at work today?” that tells me they remember I’m at work, they paid attention to previous conversations, and they are curious enough to ask a real question.

When I get “wyd,” it feels like the conversational equivalent of shrugging.

I just personally associate good conversation with effort, curiosity, and genuine interest. when every message is an abbreviation, I find myself losing attraction almost immediately.

So am I the asshole for being turned off by men that use abbreviations constantly in conversations?

About a year ago I had an apartment in downtown Portland. It was my first place ever at 19 after a year of couch hopping when my mom kicked me out.

I was really proud of it and got really lucky with the price a location. Fast forward about 7 months and I get into a relationship and we end up attached at the hip so I was never at my apartment.. always at his house. Through my boyfriend at the time who we will call “K” I met his best friend “R” and his girlfriend “M”.

R and M had a little bit of a turbulent relationship and she needed to move out of R’s house. Since I was never at my apt and still paying rent for it I got the bright idea to let her live there and pay me half of the rent. ( I was a teenager… I can’t say I was very smart.) All I knew is that if I was in her shoes I would want someone to stick a hand out for me too.

Fast forward a bit everything was going fine until I started getting texts about leaving dishes in the sink. Which I totally get. Even if it was only one or two.. she shouldn’t be let to deal with it. But it was the way she went about it that was messed up.

I would get these long paragraphs absolutely tearing me apart over it. And I understood the frustration.. but not the way she chose to come at me.

Later down the line she started having people over. At this point I was never at the apartment and I had pretty much moved in with K. She started having people over which I was fine with since she would always tell me. But I felt that I needed to lay down some house rules since I didn’t know these people and would’ve liable for any damage since M wasn’t on the lease.

This was met with understanding once. And then all the other times met with pushback because “it’s her apartment too” which yes but no.
And they weren’t strict rules mind you. Just don’t trash the apartment, don’t throw parties, clean up after yourself kind of deal.

The four of us.. me K, R, and M likes to go to raves from time to time. And instead of Ubering all the way across town we would sleep at my apt bc it was closer. One night we stumbled into the apartment (which I hadn’t been at in weeks) and it was trashed. I was very irritated and tried to say something to M but was met with “you’re never here anyways it’s not a big deal” it wast about that. It was about respect.

So I decided to draw a boundary and ask her to pay 3/4 rent because 1) I was never there and 2) it was “her apartment too”
But again I was b!tched out. Luckily I stood my ground and she reluctantly agreed.

Eventually M and R broke up. And M one week said her work had switched pay systems and her check would be late. So I paid the full rent and trusted her to pay me when she got her check. 2 weeks passed . Still nothing. I reminded her I still needed her portion and she said she was still working on it.

Essentially she ghosted me. So one day i turned up and it was like a tornado had hit my precious apt. There was moldy food everywhere. Clothes up to my shins. Big gulp cups filled with beer and beer and weed strewn everywhere. The fridge was full of moldy food. And the closet was full of stolen street signs.

I’m not going to lie I crossed a line here. I watched her location. Figured out she was at her parents house found her mother on Facebook and messaged her saying that M had ghosted me without paying rent and that all her stuff was still there.

M then promptly (after ghosting me for weeks) sent me a scathing text about contacting her family and told me that she would be around to pick up her furniture but that “I could deal with the rest of her stuff” and to “not throw away her comforter bc she wanted it”.

The lease was up that week and I wasn’t about to play games so I threw out all of her stuff and gave her blankets and clothing and toiletries to the homeless people down the street. So AITAH?

This story happened last October. I (20 f at the time) was best friends with Kayla( 23f) ( changing the name for personal reasons) .
We had met on Bumble BFF and had been attached at the hip ever since at the time I lived with my ex-boyfriend so whenever we hung out, she came over to our house.
Inevitably, she ran into our friends often and ended up dating my ex’s best friend. We were a happy Quartet for just under a year then, after my ex made a bunch of life decisions without consulting me, which I have mentioned in another post, I left him and shortly after Kayla left the best friend.

Around that time, I also moved back up to Washington to live with my dad so I could go to nursing school and Kayla followed shortly after moving into an apartment complex about 15 minutes down the street from me.

Pretty soon, Kayla became pretty depressed. She used to live in a cute little cottage in the countryside but the city life was not her speed and was impacting her quite a bit. It was her birthday month, so I spent every week trying to find a way to cheer her up by bringing her Crumbl cookies, helping her move from one state to the next helping her unpack and spending days trying to find the perfect birthday gift for her.

I had also been trying to find a time to celebrate her because she had been expressing that family and friends never really made her feel special around her birthday, but our schedules just weren’t lining up.

Finally, we found a day to carve pumpkins and watch a movie together, but the night before she called me stating that she’d forgotten about a family dinner that her mother had planned. I didn’t hold it against her because I tend to be pretty forgetful myself.

Fast forward to the next day I was in downtown on a date and hadn’t been on my phone until around 7 PM. so I was checking my text messages and realized I’ve gotten one from her around 3:15 PM asking if I could help her get her car from the bar where she left it the night before.

It had been hours since I’ve received the text so I checked your location to make sure she was OK and didn’t need help. For context we’ve had each other’s locations since pretty much the day we met and would often joke about how we stalked each other when we were bored at work.

Her location said that she was about four blocks down the street from me. So I called her and asked her what she was up to. She said she was at a birthday dinner.
I asked, wasn’t that last night
And Kayla responded “ last night was a family dinner. This is something my coworkers plan for me.”

I was honestly a little butt hurt that I hadn’t been invited, especially because we were best friends, and she barely knew these people in addition to the fact that I’ve spent the entire month trying to find a day to celebrate her.

So I jokingly asked her why I wasn’t invited. and she quickly replied that it was 21+ and then promptly said “oh and your ex is here.”

I paused for a second because I was utterly shocked. I then asked her why. And she said that she invited a friend of his and they just happen to bring him along.

I was so shocked and hurt that I told her to have a good night and quickly hung up the phone.

For context, she’d been around for more than half the relationship and seen firsthand all the things that I went through and how him and his friends treated me so I felt pretty betrayed that not only were his friends invited and not me, but that he’d attend attended, and she didn’t think to let me know.

I was suspicious that it hadn’t actually been 21+ so I checked her location sure enough if they were at a restaurant.
All of a sudden, her location shut off this is the first time that we hadn’t shared our location since we met.
I expected to hear from her at some point that night, but never did and waited about 48 hours with no response from her.
I finally texted her a fairly large paragraph about how hurt I was and how betrayed I feel surrounding the whole situation. And she responded by stating that she’d promised everyone that she wouldn’t stop being friends, even if we all broke up and that she was scared of my reaction. That’s why she didn’t tell me and that I knew how bad her trauma was surrounding people leaving in her life and then there was a pretty half assed apology at the very end.
I loved her and wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt so I told her I would just need a little bit of space.
But the next day, she posted pictures of the entire night all over her Instagram.

It felt like a punch to the gut so I texted her and told her we could not be friends anymore.

I don’t know if that was the right decision to make and right now I am considering letting bygones be bygones because so much time has passed.
But Reddit AITA?

I (21F) and my boyfriend (24M, who I’ll call Dan) had been together for a little over a year when this happened.
In February 2024, I moved out of my first apartment and into a house owned by Dan’s grandmother that we were renting. Because the house was already furnished, I sold most of the furniture and belongings I had worked hard to buy for myself. It felt like I was leaving behind a lot of what I had built, but I was deeply in love and excited to start a life together.
For a while, things were good. Then the election rolled around. It hadn’t really occurred to me that our political views might be different because my views are very clear on all of my social media. Since he chose to date me anyway, I assumed we were generally on the same page. It turned out we weren’t, and after the election I started noticing changes in our relationship.
The biggest issue was that Dan seemed to make major decisions without considering me, even when those decisions affected both of us.
At the time, Dan’s parents had purchased land and were building a house there. When the neighboring house went up for sale, they encouraged him to buy it, calling it “the perfect opportunity to be a homeowner.” Dan forwarded me the email and told me it was something being discussed, but reassured me that I didn’t need to worry because it probably wouldn’t happen for a couple of years. The house we were living in supposedly needed major renovations before it could be sold.
For additional context, we were splitting rent and household expenses. Earlier in our relationship, we’d had a disagreement about finances, and after that I gladly paid my share of everything. I considered us partners and assumed major financial decisions would be discussed together.
So when Dan sent me the listing, I panicked a little. The house cost nearly $1 million. Moving there would add about 30 minutes to my already early commute, and it was located in a very rural area. On top of that, his parents planned to move his grandmother into the house with us, along with roommates I would have little or no say in choosing. I was also expected to continue contributing financially. The mortgage alone was around $4,800 per month before utilities, trash service, and other expenses.
When I voiced my concerns, I was told I was overthinking it. His mother even said, “It seems like Dan can’t do anything without thinking about other people these days.” Dan reassured me that everything would be fine and that the house would be a great opportunity for us.
Two weeks later, despite telling me we had plenty of time and that nothing was happening anytime soon, Dan signed for the house. I later learned that the house we had been renting was part of a trust fund arrangement, and he used it to make the purchase possible.
Suddenly, the move was happening immediately.
I spent the next month packing up the entire property by myself, including outbuildings and storage areas, to move into a house I had no say in choosing. After all that work, I discovered the location was so remote that there was little to no cell service. I was taking online classes at the time, and Dan already knew reliable internet access was important for school.
Because I couldn’t effectively attend classes from the new house, I ended up staying with family while he tried to get internet installed.
During those weeks apart, I had a lot of time to think about everything that had happened. The more I reflected on it, the more I felt that my opinions, concerns, and needs had never really been considered. It wasn’t just about the house. It was the realization that someone who saw me as an equal partner would not repeatedly make life-altering decisions without including me.
Eventually, I asked for a break, which led to me ending the relationship.
So, Reddit, AITA for leaving my boyfriend after he bought a house and effectively changed the course of both our lives without including me in the decision?