u/RitaRomano

My husband and I, 27M and 26F, (together a total of 6 years, 4 years married) have had a rough relationship since we got married. We fight - we’ve both said horrible things to each other, and he’s punched so many walls. I’m generally avoidant and dismissive. He’s defensive and blames me for everything. We don’t eat meals together or spend time together, like at all. I’ve lost sight of why we ever got married in the first place. We haven’t had a good stretch that lasted more than 2 days… in years.

We’ve been in couples counseling for 2 years on and off (with three different counselors!). I’ve been living in the spare room for over a year and things keep getting worse and worse and worse. He doesn’t seem to have basic respect for me anymore.

I fantasize about my life after divorce. I feel like I’ve already grieved my life - I’m okay with selling the house (he wants to keep it), I’m okay with him taking the 2 cats, I’m okay taking nothing but my clothes and just… starting over. Excited even. But it’s so hard to pull the trigger. Like I just should just pick a random weekend and move out? And immediately file for divorce? And get on my own health insurance?

It’s hard because we’ll have conversations in our weekly couples therapy where we both agree to do better, and we both have hope that things can be built anew - and then 2 days later I say something he perceives as being slightly wrong (or me having a “bad tone”) and the flood gates open to going right back to hostility, put-downs, and threats of divorce… at which point I just walk away and basically refuse to talk to him outside of therapy. And in that way I’ve put off the divorce decision week by week the last 6+ weeks of doing this intensive (and expensive) couples therapy.

I’m just scared. I’m scared of the financial implications of the divorce (losing all of our savings).

I’m scared to lose all the relationships with my in-laws, and I know he will run my name thru the mud and that’s so embarrassing.

And I’m scared of what people will think. I’m scared of disappointing my family, and I don’t want rumors about me at work.

And I’m scared to be alone. Back in a one bedroom apartment, and beholden to keep my full time job because I need the money and the insurance.

I’m just tired of living in limbo. My life rn is miserable and full of fear and turmoil. But I really just don’t know if it’s time to pull the trigger😭 or keep working thru the therapy. Sorry if this is more of a rant, but I’m just so lost

Husband 28M and I 27F, make ~175k/year and recently paid off all our debt except the mortgage.

We save plenty (about 28%) for retirement.

We clear about 3-4k/month extra, on top of all expenses, retirement savings, and giving ourself plenty of fun money etc. This was previously going to pay off debt but now I’m not sure what would be optimal to throw it at.

Our mortgage is 200k at 5.5% on a 300k house.

Other than our 15k emergency fund we don’t really have any other liquid assets - it’s all tied up in retirement accounts or the house.

I’m wondering what split you guys would recommend for saving in a brokerage vs paying down the house, vs other accounts (rotating CDs?).

We don’t plan on any major purchases soon… I may need a new car in 2-3 years. And maybe we will want to upgrade our house eventually ✨if✨ we end up having kids in ~5+ years. But not really sure.

What do you think?