r/AmITheJerk

Throwaway account because my in laws are on here a lot. All names have been changed. I (39f) have been married to by husband (40) for 14 years. When we first married, my FIL was married to Karen who has since died. Before her death, FIL and Karen had been divorced for 5+ years. One point of hurt has been FIL allowing Karen to create a wedge between my husband, FIL and our children (ages 10, 9, 4). Karen and her daughter Jill (35) did awful things such as report husband and I to local DCF, which led to stressful investigations through the years, all of which were eventually dismissed and labeled as “malicious reporting.” We know it was Karen and Jill because husband’s sister Amanda admitted they were bragging about it. Amanda never cut off contact with Karen and Jill through the years because she likes to be friends with everyone and despite this, husband and I allowed Amanda to be part of our kids’ lives. FIL ended up divorcing Karen but we didn’t know he still had contact and a relationship with Jill. Fast forward to yesterday and our 4th of July picnic at FIL’s property. Who shows up but Jill. Husband and I were horrified and floored since FIL knows Jill and Karen actively tried to destroy our family by having our kids removed by DCF. We took our children and immediately left. Were we overreacting for leaving and would we be overreacting if we cut off all contact with them considering they choose to allow Jill to be part of their family?

TLDR: ex stepmother in law and her daughter lied to DCF and tried to have my kids taken away. Her daughter is now showing up at family events with my children. Should I cut off all of my in laws who associate with this female?

My girlfriend (27F) and I (29M) have been together for four years. We’ve talked about marriage a lot, and I’ve made it clear that I wanted to propose sometime this year. I just wanted it to be a surprise.

Last month, we were at the mall when she casually told me she needed to stop by a jewelry store “for something.”

While we were there, one of the employees smiled at her and said, “Your ring will be ready next week.”

I looked at her, completely confused.

She admitted she’d already picked out the engagement ring she wanted months ago and had been making payments on it. She said she didn’t trust me to choose something she’d like, so she decided to handle that part herself. All I had to do, according to her, was pick it up, finish the last payment, and use it when I proposed.

I was honestly hurt.

It wasn’t about the money. It was the fact that she’d planned the entire thing without including me, then expected me to pretend the proposal was my idea.

When I told her I felt like she’d taken away one of the few parts of the proposal that was supposed to come from me, she said I was making it about my ego.

She argued that lots of women choose their own rings and that she was just making sure she’d wear something she’d love forever.

I said I had no problem shopping for a ring together if that’s what she wanted. What bothered me was that she made the decision on her own, kept it a secret, and then expected me to go along with a proposal that no longer felt genuine to me.

She got upset and told her family I was refusing to propose over “a piece of jewelry.”

Now her parents think I’m looking for excuses because I’m afraid of commitment. My family says the issue isn’t the ring. it’s that we weren’t acting like partners when making such a big decision.

I’ve told her I still want to get married someday, but only after we’ve worked through this and are actually making major life decisions together.

Now she’s questioning the entire relationship, and I’m wondering if I made too big a deal out of it.

TL;DR: I planned to surprise my girlfriend with a proposal, but I found out she’d secretly chosen, ordered, and started paying for her own engagement ring without telling me. She expected me to simply pick it up and propose with it. I told her I wasn’t comfortable doing that, and now she says I’m ruining our future over a ring. AITJ?

My sister had a birthday party at her house last weekend. She told everyone not to worry about bringing food because she had everything covered, but I like baking, so I spent most of Saturday making a homemade chocolate cake anyway. She said thanks when I arrived and put it on the kitchen counter.

A little later I overheard her telling a few relatives that the cake was from the local bakery because she "didn't want people asking for the recipe all night." I laughed at first because I thought she was joking, but she kept saying it every time someone complimented it.

Eventually one of my cousins came over and asked which bakery she bought it from because it was really good. Before my sister could answer, I said, "Actually I made it."

She rolled her eyes and said, "Does it really matter?"

I told her it kind of did since I spent hours making it. She shrugged and said nobody cared where it came from and I was making a scene over dessert.

That annoyed me, so when the party started winding down, I packed up what was left of the cake and took it home. There was still about half of it left.

The next day she texted me saying she planned on sending slices home with people and that taking it back was childish. My mom also said I should've just left it there because it was a birthday gift once I brought it.

I don't think it's unreasonable to take back something after the person spends the whole night pretending they made or bought it themselves.

Am I the jerk?

TL;DR: I spent hours baking my sister a birthday cake, she kept telling everyone it came from a bakery, so I took the leftover cake home after the party. Now my family says I was petty.

So we are sitting there watching fireworks and this thing comes out of nowhere and hits my wife in the shoulder. She flips out because she thinks it's a bat.. and she has a thing about bats. Neither here nor there I guess. Anyway, it's one of these light up planes that you throw around, like a paper airplane. It's a kids, he comes to get it, wife hands it to hi, So we're sitting there watching fireworks and the same thing happens again, hits my leg and all that maybe 3 min later.

I pick the thing up and kid who is about 4 comes to get it. I say I'm holding on to it until the end of the show, we're trying to watch. Parents are about 25 feet away and can see the whole thing.. did nothing to stop it.. Did tell him the first time to apologize I think but nothing sincere.

Anyway, dad, who we'll call "Pietro" (Not his real name... probably... because how the heck would I even know what his name is, am I right?) comes over and flips out like I'm trying to keep his kids toy. I said, 'I'm trying to watch fireworks, I told him I'd give it to him when the show is over." Mind you, fireworks are still going. Dad is going on about how I have no right. I don't even know if he actually asked for the thing back, but I handed it to him and told him not to give it to his kid before the show was over... which set him off because who am I to boss him and all that.

So... it ended up being more of a distraction than if I'd just given it back to the kid after the second time.... Was I the J for trying to hold on to this thing so we could enjoy the show in peace? I get that no one likes other people parenting their kids or whatever, but I feel like I should have a right to watch the show without worrying about projectiles.

TLDR. AITJ for trying to hold a kids toy til fireworks were over.

I (22M) became friends with my friend’s (22M) girlfriend (22F) a while back. We had been introduced to each other by him, and we had a trip together as a trio a while back. I felt like I got along with her pretty well, so I offered to hangout with them (as a trio) again to her, and she did not object to it.
Today, my friend and I were having lunch with a group of friends. The conversation took a — on my part, unexpected — turn, when I brought up the hangout with the friend in question. Now, he is a pretty unserious person. Juvenile, even, depending who you ask. So when he asked why I wanted to have that hangout, I misinterpreted it as him messing with me. I brought it up 2 to 3 more times, each with similar, confusing answers with him asking me why I wanted a hangout like that, with a friend weighing in to say that it is a bit weird of me. When it came down to last time, he told me, in front of all these friends, that it cannot happen, because he would never let his gf to have male friends, and that “You are simply not that important in my life to merit such privilege”. Now, I have known him since grade school, so this naturally hurts me. So when he walked off to refill his beverages, I came up to him privately and said “Have you any idea how hurtful that was? Were you joking back there?” He said no, it was meant to be taken literally. Anger got the better of me later, and I stormed off after loudly excising myself from the table.
I then texted him, demanding an answer as to whether he meant what he said, and if not, I could let it slide only if he would apologize. He then told me “it was really inappropriate for you ask to hangout with my girlfriend, and I really meant what I said.” I blocked him immediately afterwards.
Shortly later I texted his gf, telling her that I think she could do better than that. I listed off this incident where he coldly responded to her plea for feedback during that trip, and said that he was not inclined invest emotionally into her as she does. I, unsurprisingly, got blocked by her for this, but I think I’ve gotten what I thought of him off my chest.

TL;DR: A friend got jealous of my friendship with his gf, and disrespected me in front of a friend group. I ended the friendship, and told his gf that she could do better than him.

This incident has impacted me deeply, since I thought this would be a lifelong friendship, and yet I was told, by him, that “I just wasn’t that important to him”. Am I the jerk for getting upset? Was I pissy for saying that to his gf?

So, I'm 17, I recently got out of a really abusive relationship where I was sexually assaulted and hit on multiple occasions, directly after I left the relationship the one thing I liked about myself (piercings I have) had to get taken out because I got really sick and they were making it worse.

Then my "best friend" asked me to hangout, I ofc said yes because I hadn't left my house in weeks because of depression mixed with sickness, we met at the park and my sister tagged along, she drove us, didn't hangout with us just sat in her car.

The entire time she was on her phone texting a different mutual friend of ours and I honestly was really annoyed, she wasn't starting any conversations so kept telling her how things were going, I met a guy but we weren't dating, I was working on the police case for ex, I was trying to start going to the gym, I was working on things for college, she completely ignored me and kept texting our mutual, getting upset because I didn't want to go to a creek behind the park that I always tell her I'm uncomfortable going to, it's absolutely full of bugs and I have a bad phobia. So she goes back there and ditches me to explore it.

I have small discord server that has a area with confessions, there's no names, completely anonymous, I post a simple "I feel really ignored but don't know how to bring it up" no names, nothing

She gets picked up by our mutual not to long after and then I get 17 missed calls within a few minutes, but when I call im blocked

I go to check the discord chat and there's a whole paragraph about how it's my fault I felt ignored and I've been pushing them all aside and only talk about my relationships or I ignore them both (once again I was severely depressed and hadn't been in a relationship and was trying to get over being s/ad), I responded with a simple "I didn't say any names, I'm just trying to get a opinion on the situation" and they try saying I'm just making it a public scene and how I'm a terrible person who can't handle anything maturely

We all end up blocking each other

A few weeks later I noticed a few friends acting weird around me, then my adoptive sister came up to me and told me flat out, they'd been talking about me behind my back since best friends birthday party in January, the one I missed because a terrible snow storm and abusive ex threatening to kill me if I went.

They apparently told everyone I chose to miss it and ruined her birthday, and then got mad because I'm excited for my 18th birthday that's coming up because my older sister managed to get my all time favorite musician to come.

They also were telling people I'm pushing everyone away and can't handle my emotions properly.

I can't tell if I did something wrong or not, but people are still acting odd around me and I don't know why.

TL;DR, friends got angry at me for trying to get insight on situation and spread rumors after I was handling a lot already

https://preview.redd.it/5ey6mmo6sgbh1.png?width=720&format=png&auto=webp&s=08097ac040633f121de49f7e162f48cbfde7e237

https://preview.redd.it/nnbx9lo6sgbh1.png?width=720&format=png&auto=webp&s=acfc9ee2b8c0e48c146dc5c2b41ec6114b47f3cd

https://preview.redd.it/2wg98lo6sgbh1.png?width=720&format=png&auto=webp&s=b35729b68d50f5725ac08490f54df6a3403b2654

Also got some screenshots

I (22M) posted a rough version of this story a few hours earlier, but keep realizing that I have been leaving out key details of the tale that I think would contextualize this story with what was on my mind. This is a truly complex situation that I want to spill out, sorry for the length.

I am from an East Asian Country. I was friends with this man (22M). The friendship started from elementary school, and as we grew into highschool, we became part of this friend group with friends who came into our lives later on. Now, my highschool years were tumultuous, home life was quite difficult for me, and compounded with academic pressure, it made me depressed. It was through friendships like this that I made it through, so I was grateful for it.

Over the years, we went abroad for universities. The friendship lasted through those years. For that I thought we were really close, and the friendship was absolutely special for me.

However, the friendship also became, over the years, troubling for me. Being western educated did not make this man more socially conscious, and he would frequently do things that grinds on my gears. For example: using the n-slur consistently and in group chats, homophobia, xenophobia, all that alt-right narly stuff. Morally, I believe I should have ended this friendship in my university years, but alas, I did not, because: 1. as I explained, close friendship, thought it was special 2. I know I sound like an insane person, but this is extremely common amongst East Asians: if one is to cut off friends for this back home is to have no friends at all. It almost certainly, however, placed a strain on our friendship, because I cannot abide by his opinions and his 'sense of humor' (foreshadowing here), and they gradually chipped away my opinion of him as a person.

One year before this, I met his girlfriend (22F). We were introduced to each other through him, and we became fast friends. Also went on a trip as a trio a month ago. All was going well, until yesterday. This is where the issue arrived.

We finally graduated this year. I was planning to meet with friends once I get back home from the foreign country I was studying at. I texted her to offer to hang out as a trio once more, and she agreed.

Yesterday, the friend group was having a meetup at a restaurant. I brought the subject up to him as I forgot to tell her that his gf and I are planning for a trio meetup. Now, as I have explained before, he's got weird sense of humor that are often problematic and offensive, so when he stared at me and said: "Why?" I thought he was messing with me. I probably should have gotten the clue, but again, he's a man of a sense of humor alien to me, and I thought this was just friends messing around. I asked again, the same answer, plus a friend told me that was a bit weird of me. So this time I asked: "Why not?", this is when he said: "Because I do not let my girlfriend have any male friends. Also, you are not that important to me to merit that privilege, unlike the rest of the friend group here." I got emotional after that, feeling disrespected, asked to be excused, and stormed off.

Afterwards, enraged, I texted the gf that she could do better. I should have listed off the racism and the "I do not let her have any male friends", but instead I made reference to this incident during that trip where he dismissed her opinions on the trip, and asked her if this is the typical experience in that relationship. Why did I not list off the other things? 1. Again, being right wing is common place, I don't she would interpret that of being indicative of bad character 2. I'm pretty sure she is barring him from having female friends, too... so...

Of course, I knew exactly what I was doing. I want to drive a wedge between them, but I also, genuinely believed in what I was saying. She could do better. She engaged in a conversation with me, but blocked me shortly after, probably taking her bf's side.

Now. Some friends have called me saying that they believe that he crossed a line. But deep inside me, I think I also behaved immaturely. Also cannot stop thinking about continuing being friends with him after he's expressed so much stuff that I just cannot morally abide.

So I have two questions: On a personal level, am I the jerk for having this fight, and then trying to drive a wedge between them; on a moral level, am I a jerk for not ending this friendship earlier until this incident forced my hand? I am thinking of this right now, and would like some consultation on this matter.

TL;DR I was a friend with someone whose political value I found morally repulsive, until a fight broke out over my friendship with his gf, whom I then told could do a lot better than him.

My (53f) husband (45m) says his “love language” is teasing. We’ve been married 20 years and I’ve been putting up with it, rarely pushing back.

Here’s the problem: he’s funny, so I usually laugh at first. Then, it starts to hurt a few minutes later. He hates confrontation, so the few times I’ve said something, he’ll say, “You were laughing a few minutes ago, what’s your problem?”

Last night he came home, unzipped his backpack and said, “I got you flowers.” Of course I didn’t believe him, but then I saw the cellophane wrap and some green leaves.

For about a half second, my heart melted. Then, he holds up a bundle of kale and starts laughing.

I said nothing and he just went about his evening. I told him later that I actually believed he got me flowers and was hurt.

After his usual antics (“But you can’t eat flowers and kale is so much healthier for you) he drove to Safeway and came home with tulips.

He acted like he had just bought me a diamond pendant. I said thank you, and since then, he’s been patting himself on the back and asking if I like my flowers.

This morning, he bragged to our son (18) about what a great husband he is for getting me flowers, so I told our son, in front of my husband, the real story.

Our son was visibly disgusted and said, “That was mean, dad.”

My husband stomped around, said I made him look bad in front of our son and left. So, AIO if I tell him I don’t want to watch fireworks with him tonight?

Actually, as I think on this, let me revise my question: AIO if I move out?

Recently me and my girlfriend had a big argument because i felt like my needs were not being met when i was constantly trying to meet hers. I have felt this way for some time, so when she asked me if i could write two essays for her I put my foot down and said no. Thats when I told her how I felt, and it devolved into a really bad argument.

Essentially, what I was trying to say is that I feel like the things that have made me feel loved in this relationship (physical touch, compliments, spending time in person) have stopped, and that I have tried really hard to meet hers needs, and do things that make her feel loved without her giving the same effort. Which has left me exhausted, and unwilling to do certain things for her.

She explained that she rarely give compliments to people, and that its a rare occassion when she does. She also said that she was uncomfortable with physical touch (though ive seen her do it with other people), and that she cant give me the same effort that i give because shes busier than me. Additionally, she said that she was too busy to spend a lot of time with me in person.

TLDR: I feel like my needs arent being met even though Im constantly trying to meet hers.

AITJ?

My girlfriend (26F) and I (28M) have been together for a little over a year. A few months ago, I surprised her by booking a four-day beach vacation for her birthday. I paid for the flights, hotel, and most of the activities because I wanted to do something special for us.

Last week, while we were talking about the trip, she casually mentioned that her best friend had already requested those days off from work.

I asked why that mattered.

She looked confused and said, “Because she’s coming with us.”

I honestly thought she was joking.

Apparently, she’d invited her best friend weeks earlier because she thought it would make the trip “more fun.” She never mentioned it to me because she assumed I’d be okay with it.

I told her I planned the vacation as a romantic getaway for the two of us, not a group trip. She said I was being controlling by expecting all of her attention for four days.

I asked who was paying for her friend’s flights and hotel.

She said her friend couldn’t really afford it, so she thought I’d probably cover the hotel room since we already had one booked, and maybe help with the flight if I could.

That was the moment I completely checked out of the conversation.

I told her I wasn’t paying for someone else’s vacation and that if she wanted to travel with her friend instead, she was welcome to plan a separate trip.

She accused me of trying to isolate her from the important people in her life. I reminded her that I never said she couldn’t travel with her friend—I just didn’t think it was appropriate to turn a birthday trip I planned for us into a three-person vacation without even asking me.

The argument got worse, and I ended up canceling the reservation while it was still refundable. I told her I’d rather lose the planning than spend the trip feeling like the third wheel on a vacation I paid for.

Now she’s furious because there isn’t enough time to rebook something similar at the same price. A few of our mutual friends think I overreacted and should’ve just gone along with it to avoid wasting the trip. Others think inviting someone else on a couple’s vacation without discussing it first was incredibly disrespectful.

AITJ?

My boyfriend (30M) and I (28F) have been together for almost three years. Since we started dating, I’ve been listed as his emergency contact for work, his doctor, and a few other places. I never thought much about it because that’s what partners do.

About two months ago, I got a call from his workplace saying he’d been taken to the hospital after getting dizzy and passing out. I immediately left work, drove 45 minutes to the hospital, and sat with him until he was discharged. Thankfully, it turned out to be dehydration and exhaustion.

A few weeks later, I found out something that really bothered me.

His sister casually mentioned that he’d updated his emergency contacts months ago and had removed me. She assumed I knew.

I asked him about it, and he admitted it was true.

He said he made his older brother his emergency contact because “family is more reliable,” but he didn’t tell me because he knew I’d take it personally. Meanwhile, he still expected me to drop everything whenever he needed help because I was “closer than his brother.”

That really didn’t sit right with me.

I asked him why I was expected to act like his emergency contact if he didn’t actually trust me enough to be one. He said the paperwork didn’t matter and that I was making a big deal out of nothing.

Last weekend, he asked if I’d stay home from a weekend trip with friends because he had a medical procedure and wanted me available in case he needed a ride or help afterward.

I told him he should ask the person he chose as his emergency contact.

He got upset and said I was being petty and punishing him over paperwork. I told him it wasn’t about paperwork—it was about expecting the responsibilities of a partner without giving me the trust or respect that usually comes with them.

His brother ended up taking him, but now his family says I was cruel for refusing to help over something so small. My friends are split. Some think I should’ve helped because he was my boyfriend. Others think he can’t have it both ways.

Now he’s barely speaking to me, and I’m wondering if I turned a minor issue into a much bigger one.

TL;DR: I found out my boyfriend quietly removed me as his emergency contact months ago because he trusts his family more, but he still expected me to act like his emergency contact whenever he needed help. When he asked me to cancel my plans to take care of him after a medical procedure, I told him to call the person he actually chose. Now he and his family think I’m being petty. AITJ?

I (35M) have been crushing on a girl (35F) for a long time, and now I don’t know if I handled things the right way.
We’ve known each other for about 15 years. Our friendship has been on and off over the years because of different life circumstances, but back in December we started talking again and worked through a lot of our past issues.
I’ve always had feelings for her, but I never acted on them because either I was too afraid or she was in a relationship. She had recently gotten out of a very toxic relationship and wanted to stay single for a while.
During one of our conversations, I told her how I felt. I made it clear that I was going to respect her space and wasn’t trying to pressure her into a relationship, but that when she was ready to date again, I’d love the chance to see where things could go between us. She didn’t say yes or no. She just said she wasn’t sure when she’d be ready to date.
About four months later, she made a Facebook post joking about the terrible pickup lines guys were sending her on dating apps. I took that as a sign that she was ready to start dating again. I waited a few weeks, thought it over, and after she’d had a particularly rough week, I asked if I could take her out on a date to help cheer her up.
Her response was, “As friends?”
I said, “No, as a romantic date.”
She seemed nervous and didn’t know what to say. Since she was still at work, I suggested we talk about it in person later.
When I went to her house after work, she told me she only saw me as a friend and always had.
I told her I wished she had said that months earlier when I first told her I wanted to date her someday. I also admitted that I was confused because, from my perspective, our relationship had gone beyond what I consider normal friendship.
For example, we celebrated Valentine’s Day together with dinner and thoughtful gifts. She talked about wanting me to go to Disney with her and was willing to spend around $5,000 so we could take the trip together. She would call me at 2 a.m. after work crying and ask me to come over, stay the night, or even just bring her a candy bar from 7-Eleven. I also bought her flowers regularly.
Because of all that, I genuinely believed there was something more than friendship between us.
In the end, I told her that if she truly only saw me as a friend, I didn’t think I could continue talking to her. Not because I was angry, but because I don’t think it’s healthy for me to pretend my feelings don’t exist. I also don’t think it would be fair to either of us—or to any future partners—to keep pretending we’re “just friends” when I’ve had romantic feelings for her all along. Looking back, I even wonder if that may have contributed to problems in some of her past relationships, since I wasn’t honest about how I felt.
Now I’m questioning whether I handled this poorly. I feel guilty and I’m worried I may have been unfair to her, but I also tend to overthink things.
AITA for deciding I couldn’t stay friends after she told me she only sees me as a friend?

I 23f have lived with my bf 25m and his family for about 2 months now, been together for 4 years. (We pay a significant amount for rent)

I have been no contact with my family since I was 15 so his family is all I really ever had. We have gone to eat, church, etc everything has always been pleasant. We’ve stayed at his sister and her husbands’ home before.

I found out as soon as we moved in (first day) they all secretly hate me. I hear them talk about “people like me” as soon as I leave the room. It doesn’t matter how nice I am to them, how much I clean or contribute or anything it’s just not going to change. “Those (race) people are all xxxxx” “they’re all like that” “I can’t believe he would stay with someone (race)”

I can’t even repeat the things I’ve heard

His siblings today were being loud getting ready for a bbq and I overheard them saying how big I look how I look like I’m transgender and one of the friends was like “that’s how all dumb ass fat ass (race) people look” and honestly I almost lost my mind.

I decided to dramatically fake throwing up and go to my room so I wouldn’t have to help prep all the food and start cooking. My bf is downstairs helping his family and honestly I don’t even know how to tell him about today. He keeps coming up to check on me and bring me water and I’m just in shock.

I moved here because the school program I started a few months ago is close to here and I couldn’t afford my place by myself and tuition.. He told me he’d talked to his family about me moving in and said that it was good. I have noticed they don’t treat him very well either, he’s kind of the family punching bag and he complains openly to me about it especially more the last couple weeks.

I found a place that’s not much more expensive than what we pay here but granted it’s a small apartment.

TL;DR my boyfriend’s family pretends to like me and is secretly racist behind my back. I found an apartment and want to move but idk how to tell him.

AITAH if I give my bf the ultimatum of move with me or break up and I’ll get a roommate?

TLDR I told a senior committee ' I'll let the chair tell me what to do on that' when they were trying to talk about logistics etc that just didn't matter for them.

I work in a senior executive recruitment role in higher education. Recently, I was supporting a hiring panel for a high-level position. The meeting included the executive Chair (the ultimate decision-maker/owner of the process), a senior HR leader, and a committee of senior leaders at the institution.

During the meeting, the topic of a candidate who had recently withdrawn came up. 3 committee members started speculating heavily about why this person withdrew, making a lot of assumptions, such as oh they are friends with so and so so he must have posted he was interviewing and it scared him off ( the chair said oh, he withdrew before interview invites went out). Another committee member and I both felt this speculation was getting very one-sided and not respecting the person who chose to withdraw.

To make matters worse, based on this speculation, the committee began wildly over-complicating a minor logistical detail regarding the interview day schedule. They started saying things like oh both candidates same day? What if we they bump into eachother. Even another panel member said oh we can get someone to chaperone them.

Despite this, the committee kept debating it. Seeing that we were completely stuck in a loop and wasting high-value time, I stepped in. Quite matter-of-factly and calmly, I said to the room:

"I'll let the Chair tell me what to do on that."

The room immediately went quiet and the committee backed off. The meeting finally got back on track. Right after I said it, one of the other panel members caught my eye and smiled at me.

The chair could of also jumped in at any time but they didn't

In the moment, it felt like a necessary boundary to protect the meeting's efficiency and reinforce the Chair’s authority. However, because I was speaking directly to a room of very senior stakeholders, my anxiety kicked in later making me worry if my delivery was too blunt.

AITAH for shutting down their debate like that?

So I am a 15 year old girl I have two younger boy cousins who are 13 and 9. j don’t have a problem with them, I actually like them a lot! I just got back from a two day international standby trip With my mom where she was stressed about this family gathering the whole time and was yelling and having a hard time the whole trip. I was Also deep into the luteal phase and just started my period (I have pmdd) We didn’t get much sleep and once we got home we had about 15 minutes before my cousins showed up and we left to live in a bigger house airbnb in my hometown that could fit the whole family including my grandma and two stepsisters. So after staying up all Night in that flight j was immediately judged by my aunt and uncle for not hanging out with their cousins enthusiastically.
when I said no to doing something with the cousins to get my rest befoee a big weekend, my cousins pulled on my hair, threw pillows at my face, and just treated me like garbage and wouldn’t leave me alone. my aunt and uncle did nothing to stop it, and instead just laughed about how “cute” their boys were being.

(maybe I’m wrong, but a 13 year old (atleast me at 13) knows better than to act 5. and do stuff like that.)

his parents did nothing to stop their weird harassment and inability to take a ”no” and My uncle got mad at me for not wanting to play with them, making sarcastic jokes about how I was just a mean self absorbed teenager. I do understand that yeah, it comes off as selfish to not want to play with my cousins, but it gets to a point where I just want some time to myself.
I also take awhile to get ready in the morning. I like to have my time so that morning after sleeping in the floor I was able to get the bathroom for 5 minutes before the Cousins immediately got to me again. They had taken my pads and were opening them and throwing them all over the place (13 year old btw) but the adults said the boys were just young and didn’t know any better. My uncle called me a party pooper for not wanting to go in the trampoline with them at 6 in the morning and instead wanted some time to myself to get ready. im still in my hometown, and I feel a lot of pressure to look good when I see my friends and I will sense we live in such a small place. My uncle is now making me go to the carnival and all of the Fourth of July celebrations with my cousins and is making me go to a carnival (which im not a fan of sense i het scared of the rides😢) while watching my young cousins in my hometowm. I love my cousins but I wish my family knew that I need time to myself and their 13 year old son is old enough to not do these things, dare I say their 9 year old too.

we were biking around with my cousins also and we passed my friend who was on her trampoline and they said she looked funny and 10 years younger than me. I was so embarrassed. And my uncle mocked anither friend I saw at the sipermarket. I know it sounds trashy but I just feel EMBARASSED and unprepared to see people i know at the Fourth of July celebration when I am under this pressure to watch and play with my cousins but also preform for my peers and see my friends. Am i in the wrong here?

(Mobile)To start, I dont want to go. Im going because he wants me to go. I have severe GAD and meeting new people or being around people makes my anxiety worse and causes panic attacks. But he wants me to go so I can meet more of his family even without him here. If he was here it would be a little less anxiety ridden for me.

Now to why I may be the jerk. He is far away at work and telling me how lonely he feels being the first holiday he hasn't seen his family or been with me the last few years.

I responded I understand and feel for him being so far away. I wish he was here. I miss him.

He told me I didnt understand, which I then responded, yea I do, haven't seen my side of thw family in seven years going on 8 and I feel lonely every holiday because I moved to your town where I know no one, and then we moved again close to your family and I really no one and well you have your family that I just met and all the people you grew up with. So I know lonely.

He didnt respond other than yea, I need to meet your family one day. And that hes glad im going to his family's firework thing so they can show me off to their friends and people can meet me and I wont be lonely.

Which i responded, I dont wont to go to a big gathering where I only know his mom and dad who will be hosting and I will be made to feel like a spectacle and how bad that will set off my anxiety. And if yall have anxiety yall will understand why this will be such a bad situation without your ground person there.

So yea I may be the jerk because I get to go hang with his family and friends that I dont know but I told him I feel lonely like him while hes 4000 miles away?

TlDR : I told my husband who is 4000 miles away that I feel lonely too after he said he was lonely and feeling down, even though I get to go spend time with his familyeven though I dont want to go becausw my severe anxiety, I ended up reminded him that I haven't seen my family in 7 almost 8 years.

I’m a 29 year old guy and this happened in Saturday and it completely ruined my afternon because it was so tilting and didn’t need to happen.
So I was walking in my cities downtown trying to get somewhere ON TIME. I round a corner and there was the stupid anti trump protest. I don’t even fully get what they were protesting but there were signs and people chanting and just standing around in the middle of everything. It’s just so annoying because The problem is they were literally blocking the street and parts of the sidewalk so it was a pain to even get through. I’m trying to get where I need to go and these people are just standing there like they own the place. It honestly felt really entitled and annoying.
I tried to walk around at first but it was slow and people weren’t really moving. So I started getting irritated because I’m not trying to spend 20 minutes navigating through a crowd of people yelling about stuff I don’t care about That’s pure delusion.
At one point I got stuck behind this woman and her kid who were barely moving. First off why even bring it to a protest?? Second off She was wearing some Bernie 2024 shirt which kind of told me everything I needed to know. The kid was probably like 5 and just standing there holding her hand. I said excuse me a couple times but they didn’t really move, or at least not fast enough for me. So I got frustrated and said “can you get the fuck out of the way already?” She immediately turned around and got mad and said something like “watch your language, my son is right here.” And honestly that just made me more annoyed.
I said I don’t really care, I’m just trying to get through and people need to stop blocking everything. She said I was being rude and that it’s a public protest and they have a right to be there. I said it’s also a public sidewalk and you can’t just block other peoples travel.
I also told her that doesn’t mean they get to block everyone else and act like the world revolves around them. The kid was just kind of staring at me and she pulled him closer and gave me this look like I was the worst person ever. Projecting much? Then I said something like I don’t care about your gross kid hearing a swear word, maybe don’t bring him into a crowd like this if that’s a problem.
I didn’t touch anyone or anything, it was just verbal, but now I keep thinking about it because yeah I was annoyed but also people are acting like I was completely out of line.
I still think blocking people from walking where they need to go is stupid and the whole protest was obnoxious, but I guess I could have handled it differently.
So AITA for telling them to get out of the way?

TL:DR : I had a verbal altercation with Simone blocking a public sidewalk

A neighbor moved in about a year ago and quickly became known for reporting people over the smallest things.

He eventually reported my dad's driveway extension to the city, claiming it was illegal. My dad was stressed about it, but he still had all the permits from years ago. An inspector came out, checked everything, and closed the complaint.

That should've been the end of it.

Instead, I got annoyed enough to look through the city's public permit records. I couldn't find any permit for the neighbor's large detached garage. Looking at the property map, it also seemed too close to the property line.

I considered reporting it. If I did, there's a good chance the city would inspect it and he could end up having to tear part of it down.

On one hand, he started the whole thing by trying to get my dad fined over something that was completely legal.

On the other hand, reporting him wouldn't be about public safety. It would mostly be revenge.

So, am I the jerk cuz I reported the garage?

TL;DR: My neighbor reported my dad's fully permitted driveway to the city out of spite. After the complaint went nowhere, I found out his detached garage appeared to be unpermitted and considered reporting it, knowing it could force him to tear part of it down. AITJ?

(UPDATE)

OK, so this isn’t really a long one but a little while ago, I think about a month or two I was asked to deep clean my sister’s house, and I did not leave a single crevice of her house dirty when she paid me and the thing that genuinely put me in so much pain like back and arm wise was scrubbing her floors.

and most people would be like oh I’ll vacuum and mop and then it’ll be over with, but she never got her wood floors waxed so they had a lot of crevices and were very, very rough and textured, and because of that vacuums and mops would not get everything so I was literally on her floor with a bucket and a dish scrub brush and scrubbed every inch of her house, she lives in a relatively smaller house, but she has a good sized bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, and living room.

I took everything off every single shelf in her house. I dusted, wiped every single thing down, cleaned out her pantry entirely threw away bad stuff and organized. I even dusted every single can, and cleaned out her fridge, which was terrible because she had spilled something which I’m going to assume was syrup and the whole fridge was extremely sticky, but smelt amazing lol.

that took about an hour or so to do, I then did all of her laundry, cleaned her bedding cleaned out everything from under her bed (which she did ask me to do I wouldn’t just do that randomly because I feel like that’s kind of a boundary thing) I scrubbed her toilet sink and shower organized all of her makeup even cleaned out her dresser, put all of her laundry away, but didn’t even try messing with her socks because I know she likes to mix match them all the time but I did organize them from like sizes and everything, in the very back were her really long and fuzzy socks because she doesn’t normally wear those then in the middle were her ankle socks, and then in the bottom were her weird socks that really only cover her toes and heel, which I think are weird, but she likes them.

and it took about a week for her to pay me but when she did, she only gave me $50. I don’t know if that’s worth it or not but I kind of feel like it wasn’t because it took me a while to like stop hurting because my back hurts so bad from doing all of this and I feel like I deserved at least $65 but I genuinely do feel like a brat thinking I deserve more but I just can’t get this out of my head so what do you guys think? also, she does get paid very well so I know she isn't struggling.

but I’m also young and I don’t know if that changes anything like maybe I’m too young to be getting paid more or smh.

thanks for reading :) also sorry for any grammar mistakes. I’m kind of rushing right now.

OK, I think I should’ve mentioned this in the first part she does my nails every 2 to 3 weeks but I also get some pretty basic stuff and with her pricing and the stuff that she does what I’d be getting would be at most $70 so I heard a lot of you guys saying I deserved at least 200 but because she does my nails I think 120-150$ would’ve been perfect, she's genuinely a amazing person and I look up to her.

and also when she did pay me, my mom saw what she paid me and didn’t say anything to me. I didn’t complain about it at all cause I honestly wasn’t expecting $50. I was expecting maybe like a $20 bill or something, but my mom did talk to her and now when I do clean her house, (I don’t deep clean it because it doesn’t need it anymore cause I’ve been keeping it up) she does pay me about 70 to 100 every time, with what I’m doing every time I think that’s fair based off what you guys say.

and apparently my mom did talk to her and that’s why she pays me a little more every time I clean her house now.

I have been dating my girlfriend for a month now. Which in the grand scheme of things is not that long, but the thing is that our styles may not be compatible.

I enjoy the more simple, romantic things, like a date night each week at a restaurant / movies / somewhere public (especially because it's still very new), and I'm kinda basic in that I like just going to the mall to hang out. I'm very socially awkward and get anxious at other people's houses (why, I'm not sure) and the one time I did go over it was very awkward. I can be kinda low energy at times, and indecisive, especially because I don't want to upset the other person.

She's more into doing out of the box stuff that she usually doesn't get to do. And there's nothing wrong with that, but I can tell that the typical date night is going to bore her. She wanted to go to an escape room or bungee jumping for her birthday, and I'm just not very good at stuff like that... Instead of the mall, she wants "something different" because "everyone goes to the mall to hang out". But then she doesn't know what to do other than visit an antique store for random shits and giggles (nothing wrong with that, just not my cup of tea). She also can be more high energy than me, which works in friendship, and I don't mind much, just different from me.

As a side note, she is very sweet and I find nothing wrong with her in that regard. We communicate well. I would also just like to throw out there that I'm discovering a lot about myself right now, which isn't helping my decision, and she has mental health issues to work out too.

I dunno. I wanted to like her, but I'm having second thoughts and thinking it might be better if we were just friends... I'm just scared to let her go and then realize later that we had something good. I just also don't want to string her along either.

I also completely feel like a jerk for even considering it because she's liked me for a long time now.

Am I the jerk?

TLDR: My girlfriend wants to do things that don't mesh with my style of romance, but I feel like a jerk for thinking about becoming just friends because she's liked me a long time.