u/SirGlittering4412

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I (F) have a guy friend who treated me like an actual friend when he was single. We talked, hung out, joked around, and he made it very clear that our friendship mattered to him.

Then he got a girlfriend, and apparently my value as a friend expired overnight.

Suddenly, the communication changed. The effort disappeared. The warmth disappeared. Everything that was completely normal before became awkward, distant, or apparently something he needed to avoid.

And honestly? I find the whole thing insulting.

I never asked him to prioritize me over his girlfriend. I never tried to interfere with their relationship. I never crossed some imaginary line. I understood that his relationship should come first.

But apparently “having a girlfriend” means you can completely change how you treat people who were there before her and then act like they’re unreasonable for noticing.

What really gets me is that he didn’t have the courage to actually communicate. No honest conversation. No “I need to establish some boundaries.” No “Things are going to change because I’m in a relationship.”

Instead, he just changed his behavior and apparently expected me to sit there quietly and accept being downgraded.

I’m not competing with his girlfriend.

I’m opting out of a friendship where I apparently only mattered when he was single.

If your solution to getting into a relationship is to treat your friends like embarrassing evidence of your single life that needs to be hidden, then maybe you weren’t that good of a friend to begin with.

And before anyone says I’m jealous: No. I’m offended.

There is a massive difference between respecting someone’s relationship and accepting disrespect from someone who suddenly decided you’re expendable.

TLDR: Am I the jerk for deciding that I’m not going to chase someone for the friendship THEY changed?

Because if he can suddenly act like I’m nobody, I’m perfectly capable of returning the favor.

He got a girlfriend. I got my answer about where I stand.

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You said, “Don’t disturb me until further notice.”

Understood.

So let me say everything here that I refuse to send to you.

You didn't get cursed out. You didn't get attacked. You didn't get publicly embarrassed. You got told, politely, that your behavior was disrespectful.

And your response was to curse us out and demand that we disappear from your life until you decide otherwise.

That's not communication. That's punishment.

You don't get to hurt people, get confronted about it, explode because they had the audacity to express their feelings, and then position yourself as the victim because they won't chase after you.

You asked for silence.

You're getting silence.

But don't confuse my silence with guilt, fear, or an admission that you were right.

I'm silent because I'm finally accepting that you are responsible for your own behavior, and I'm responsible for protecting my peace from it.

I wanted a conversation.

You wanted control of the conversation.

I wanted accountability.

You wanted everyone to shut up.

I wanted to resolve the problem.

You chose to create a bigger one.

And honestly? The fact that you thought cursing us out would make us run after you and beg for your attention tells me more than any apology ever could.

I'm not begging anyone to speak to me.

I'm not negotiating for basic respect.

I'm not sending 17 paragraphs explaining why I deserved to be treated like a human being.

You said don't disturb you.

Consider yourself undisturbed.

The door works both ways.

If you ever come back, understand that you're not returning to the same people who were willing to tolerate this.

Because something changed when you decided that being confronted about your disrespect was worse than the disrespect itself.

You asked for further notice. This is your notice: I'm done.

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A friend of mine disrespected me and another friend. We didn't scream, insult them, threaten them, or make a scene. We calmly and politely told them that what they did was disrespectful and explained how it made us feel.

Apparently, that was too much for them.

Instead of taking accountability or even having an adult conversation, they cursed BOTH of us out and then dramatically announced that they "would rather not be disturbed until further notice."

So we did exactly that.

We didn't beg. We didn't repeatedly text. We didn't chase them down. We didn't create a group chat tribunal. We simply respected the boundary THEY demanded.

Now I'm wondering if we're somehow the assholes because apparently expressing that you're hurt by someone's behavior is enough to make them flip out and cut communication.

Personally, I feel like if someone says, "Don't disturb me until further notice," the appropriate response is to disturb them exactly zero times.

TLDR: AITJ for refusing to chase after someone who cursed me out because I dared to tell them I felt disrespected?