r/letters

I think you won.

Congratulations, I guess. You won. You became the one who chose her life. You became the one who chose her future. You became the one who chose her success. Yeah. You won.

The one who lost was me. I was the one who lost in life. I was the one who lost when it came to choosing my future. I was the one who ignored everything I had just to stay by your side. I was the one who gave up everything just to make you happy. Yeah, I lost. More than anything, I lost myself because of you. I let myself down because of you.

But I won at loving you. But what good is that win? None. Absolutely none.

You know why? Because I never even had an opponent. I was the only one in that field, competing against myself. You weren't even there, so my winning never meant anything. It was all pointless. Empty.

Good for you. At least you have something to say, something to be proud of. Good for you. You can say that someone fought until they had nothing left just to keep you. Good for you. You can say that someone sat in front of you and cried because they were terrified of losing you. Good for you. Honestly, good for you. You can say that even though you were the reason behind everything that happened to them, they still tried for you.

Good for you. You can say that even after I wasted years of my life, my time, and my heart on you, I still loved you.

Good for you(:!

By the way, do you say all of this with pride? Do you really take pride in it? Because you like having someone chase after you just so you can break them down.

There's just one more thing I'm wondering…

Even when you know that the other person no longer exists because of you and the things you did, would you still say all of this with pride?

... chances are you already have a wife/girlfriend.

You seem nice. You appear to be shy and modest. You carry yourself well. I could get to know you. But I already know the end of the story.

You're happy and content with me walking away from you. You're happy to remain distant and unknowable to be. You're not going out of your way to let ke know thst you'd like for us to get to know each other.

I can accept that.

I can still be attracted to you and take notice of what I like about you for future reference. But I'm not going to voice to you my attraction and interest. I'm not going to build myself up to like you only for you to tell me about her.

Instead, I'll thank you for the great conversation we've had, wish you a good day, and hope that things work out for you.

If I'm noticing you, paying you attention and I'm attracted to you, chances are you likely already have a wife or girlfriend.

That is all.

~ Me

This is a text I received on Saturday evening , after I had just spent the past few nights at his apartment with him ..

"Baby I want you to always remember tht I love you and tht your the only woman for me. No other woman can ever take your place. Never forget tht. And thank you for loving me and being true to me. I appreciate you every day. You are my world my everything. See you tomorrow beautiful."
Saturday 3:44 PM

It's hard to believe any of this text you sent me as being true when you keep having these mood swings and talking shit to me. You claim I'm the one talking shit. Well maybe if you could grow the fuck up and stop blaming your bad attitude on what's going on in your head. The fact that you can even tell me that your in a mood and don't want to talk shit to me tells me your aware of what your doing . I don't believe you can't control it. I think either there's someone else in the picture or you just enjoy hurting me and making me feel unwanted .

All my wishing has become unbearably small. All the previous days of faith turned incredibly ordinary.

I started with a desire for a love that knew all time. The Song of Songs.

I waited like I was anointed a covenant from a holy name the world forgot.

I do not know the girl I was.
She’s officially gone.

Grief does something to your bones.
Changes your face.
Obscures your vision.

I still wear red lipstick.
But, never will I ask another man to take care of me in my life.
Never will I ask, come to me? Come to my door.

I will still love the beloved.
Ache for days, where I woke up and someone was there. To touch his skin, to know his voice, to whisper his name. To let mornings drift and midnight linger.

I do not fear death.
I do not fear being alone.

I fear,
I will never truly be known.

To S,

Before I finally let life take us wherever it’s meant to, there’s something I need to leave behind. I know this is goodbye, the kind of goodbye where your paths never cross again, even if you were in the same city at the same time. I hope you know that meeting you was one of the most beautiful things that ever happened to me. I deeply cherish everything we shared. Even if we didn’t get the ending I hoped for, I will always be grateful that, for a little while, our lives intertwined. 

I tried to imagine what it would be like to forget you. I don’t think I could do that yet. I still see you everywhere. I still look for you everywhere, even knowing you’re no longer there. You were too enmeshed into my days, the little things that shouldn’t matter but mean a lot to me. 

I’m going to miss getting ready for work with you and walking to work with you. I’m going to miss waking up in the middle of the night and pretending I didn’t fall asleep while waiting for you to call. I’m going to miss watching those silly little shows with you. I’m going to miss folding laundry with you and just watching you cook. I’m going to miss going on grocery runs with you. I’m going to miss waiting for you to finally clock off work last again. I’m going to miss seeing you run through the rain to get home. I’m going to miss going on those train rides with you. I’m going to miss furniture shopping with you. I’m going to miss you letting me pick out what drink you were going to have. I’m going to miss walking the dog with you. 

My heart aches waking up and not seeing your messages on my screen. The little snippets of your day. I’m going to miss your laughter so much. The way your eyes crinkle when you smile. The way your forehead creases when you’re trying to figure something out. The way you’d twist your eyebrows into funny shapes. 

I deeply, genuinely cared for you in the way I knew how. I tried to be gentle with your heart knowing what you were carrying too, not knowing I made you feel like I was keeping you at arms length. I wanted to share every single thing with you but I was scared you’d drown with the weight of what I was carrying. I was scared you’d run if you knew how intensely I felt everything. I got too good at being the “mindful, considerate one” that I tried to carry everything alone. I know that the things that hurt me made me more guarded this time around and I’m deeply sorry if that pushed you away. I didn’t know how to share my pain and burdens when I’ve always had to carry everything alone. 

My heart was once too trusting, too open, too naive, too pure that I always saw the good in everyone, even the worst once. I emphatized too deeply and understood why people can turn out the way they are because of things that happened to them. I’m sorry I looked at you through that lens too and used that to measure your emotional capacity. I was looking for security before letting my guard down completely but you were looking for vulnerabiltity before security. And I guess that’s where our hearts clashed. Our hearts were speaking two different languages. I wish you taught me yours before you quietly built a wall against me. 

Love to me means partnership and compromise and learning to love each other despite all your flaws, embracing the person for their individualitu, seeing the person as they are and not as who you want them to be. I saw this quote today that says \*“If he wanted to, he would” and "If he wanted to, he would" is oversimplified pop-psychology. A better lens: "If his nervous system is regulated and he is capable of secure attachment, he will."\* Maybe you just didn’t want it as bad as I did and that’s okay

I never said this out loud but its always been on my heart and mind whenever I saw you and your beautiful brown eyes, I love you. I wish you never have to carry all that pain and anguish alone. I wish I could take it all away. You deserve undiluted happiness and I wish I could pour that into you to chase all the darkness away. 

I wish you nothing but the best. I hope you find your person, even if that it isn’t me. I hope you find your peace. 

I'm sorry, I love you, I miss you, thank you and good bye.

X, Muñeca

my friend's wife is starting to cheat on him with me

like

she's doing the little micro cheating things

it started with the compliments

but now she's getting sexual

and

this one

it just feels kinda wrong?

like

I don't seriously care about whoopsying my way into situationships with partnered women when both the woman and their partner are people who can find new love easily enough if their lives exploded

but this woman

she and her partner are each other's first and only loves

and

like

it just feels unfair because I'm not remotely attracted to his wife

she's an amazing human being

but

like

I need someone to ride on my wavelength

and she can't

but

idk

this is just cruel if I let this go on

both the wife and him are going to get extremely hurt

and I will have only done it all for attention

but to be clear

I'm not asking for her attention this way at all

if she stopped tomorrow I wouldn't even notice

I would probably forget anything happened within a couple of weeks

meanwhile this could cut their hearts to pieces for decades if it goes on

but I am just sitting here

and I'm barely even doing anything but laughing when she gets sexual

or maybe a tad playful

but

yeah

ugh

anyway

I thought about S a lot tonight

and it's weird S is probably barely thinking about me

and I'm barely thinking about the wife

and the wife is probably thinking a lot about me

but

I just kept on thinking about how we were kissing each other's hands/wrists on Sunday

and how it felt like the most implied acknowledgement ever

like fake smelling to get your lips against the other's skin is the most infinitesimal step above the line of just being friends

and she reciprocated it over and over again

bleh

I am over the moon about this girl

yet again

and she's probably over the moon about someone else

The hardest part is thinking you’re gonna die sad , that this somewhat ever lasting feeling is never going to end and if that’s true then that means everything that was said was true.

My eyes burn from crying I just want to be at ease from my self inflicted pain, I wanna sleep and never wake up I feel like iv been reaching my hands out to something that’s just so so far away and I feel so deprived everyday I’m surviving just to get through the day even though I’m doing all I can I’m still the same person still in the same spot .

I wanna believe I wanna have faith I wanna hope I want to..

I was born into a life that looked like I had everything, but you know better than anyone that I never really felt like I had it. You’re the only one who knows I was abandoned, the only one who knows what that did to me and the parts of my story I never tell anyone else. I don’t think you’ll ever understand how much that changed me. I learned to hide behind expensive things, distractions, and habits I picked up just to make everything feel a little less empty. And when I lose something now, I know sometimes I’m not really grieving what I lost I’m grieving everything I lost before. You’re the only person I could say that to without having to explain myself. Maybe I spent too long trying to look like I was okay, trying to cover old wounds with new things, when all I really needed was to learn how to appreciate myself

And now somehow, after knowing each other so deeply, we have become strangers with memories. We separated without either of us really knowing how to stop it, and I think that is the cruelest part you can lose someone without ever deciding to lose them.

One day you are talking to the person who knows every hidden corner of you, and then one day you are staring at an empty inbox, knowing that somewhere out there they are living a life in which you no longer have a place. I still wonder if you ever open our old conversations, if you ever remember the things you knew about me that nobody else did, or if I have simply become another name you learned to live without. There is so much I never said because I thought there would always be another day to say it. There wasn't. So this letter sits here, unanswered.

~Chandra

I miss you beyond words
You don’t understand how much I deeply care about you. I miss your cool stories and your way with words. I miss your amazing deep brown eyes that somehow are reflective and turn amber In the sun. I wish I could feel your lips on mine and feel that first kiss all over again. Because believe me that kiss was electric and It was everything I could have imagined. Because that’s when I realized that’s when I fell for you. You are someone who makes me feel loved and seen at the same time and that’s rare to feel that way about someone. I want to feel your amazing hugs and see your smile because I could fall in love with that smile all over again. The way you touch my body sends me into overdrive. I want to feel everything wrapped in one moment. I want to feel the whole electric feeling all over again and feel every kiss like it happened for the first time again. I want to make you feel loved and happy and I want to wake up to your presence in the future. I want to feel your warmth beside me and wake up next to you in bed and feel your smile behind the pillow as you wake up next to me and see your glimmer in your eyes as you see me when we wake up next to one another. I wanna feel everything with you the cooking in the kitchen moments and teach you how to cook if you never learned I’d teach you how to make bread with me and cook simple dinners with you . I’d make you coffee or hot chocolate. I wanna learn what you enjoy in the morning and night be there to cook and clean for you. Help you with whatever. I clearly can’t live another moment without you. I wanna be there to protect you and be your partner in crime and be there for you no matter what. I wanna grow old with you and sit on your porch and be in rocking chairs when we’re 100 years old. I want kids with you the whole experience and I’m already pregnant so that’s apart of it now. But maybe you’d enjoy our children I would hope. Cheers to a future with you by my side

As always ,
Mel 🖤✨❤️🌹

​You were my soul when I still had a soul inside me. I never imagined you’d one day leave. Now, nothing is left of me but a handful of wounds.

​Goodbye, my love, go in peace. I will never speak of you as a memory or something in the past. And no matter how much time goes by, I will never forget you.

I wonder if this happens to anyone else.

Some key accounts that write these beautiful things .. I’m talking like the ones that get lots of traction and attention and write these amazing beautiful letters and poignant and - write things that matter. That hit you in the heart.

They write me. And then- boom. Delete.

The first time this happened that I recall- because it shocked me. I was actually sad about it.

Because this person wrote the most beautiful love letters.. and had the hundreds of likes and they wrote me and offered to be an ear and listen and we had had a little bit of dialogue and shared some history about ourselves and they said I’m always here for you.

And I thank them because I fucking believed them. I was actually .. thinking .. maybe we could write each other - and I never think that. Ever. I never write anyone. I never want to. But they seemed so nice and so.. non threatening and -

And then?

Instant delete.

AND then again- today. Another profile who is idk- one of those stand out ones that write things and hit you and they write me. And again- they get tons of likes and traction here -people are super into them and they are writing beautiful things and -

I write one sentence back-

And deleted. The entire profile gone. Instantly.

Does this happen to anyone?

Why does this keep happening to me?

I am starting to take it personal.

What is that about ? why ?

Why would you delete your entire profile that’s doing so good here and so popular and all your beautiful letters and poems-

I don’t understand .

Yeah I’ve deleted stuff but it’s not anywhere near the caliber of talent these people had.

I just don’t get it.

Tell me this happens to everyone and it’s a regular occurrence because I don’t want to take it personal. I need someone to help me understand why people would do that.

i guess maybe they were talking to someone else and .. maybe it happened because of them? Idk.

But I wish they wouldn’t do that. I’m upset because I liked those accounts. I liked reading their letters and poems and if you’re out there-

I am mad at you. Just so you know, absolutely without a doubt - I am sad you’re gone.

the text didn't come

no:

>we can't ever do that again
we can't talk about it ever again
I can't be friends with you anymore
please don't ever talk to me again

instead I woke up from my nap to a funny reel about why she's single

and I'm just baffled

like

girl

we crossed the line

there was a stark line in the sand saying don't caress your friend's thighs for fifteen minutes if you want to stay friends

there was a less visible line saying don't press your boobs into your friend's dick and just lay on top of your friend's dick while reading texts

I thought those two things would be the end of us as friends

and instead

it's like nothing happened

or at least she's not talking about it

and

I talked about those two things with a friend today

she didn't focus so much on me caressing her

but

she did focus on her pressing her tits into my dick

and she said there is no way she didn't know what she was doing

that women don't casually press their huge tits into someone

and they sure as hell don't press them into someone's dick

and she was like, I'm pretty sure miss titties is into you

and like

I kinda knew that

and then it got me thinking about how i question whether she is into me

and it made me wonder:

are my actions equally as ambiguous

and it is an obvious yes unfortunately

like she might have had no clue up until now that I was into her

and

she kinda indicated that over 2026

she asked who I fell in love with that I was supposed to

-- I said she knew and she just kept asking

she said that her (then) partner was never ambiguous as to whether he wanted her

and

I don't know

the biggest thing is that she knows I'm a slut

everyone knows I'm a big slut

and that I sleep around a lot

and she might just as easily think I am flirtatious with everyone

she also knows how often I fall in love with everyone

i don't know

it's dumb

here I am simping over someone who couldn't care less about me probably

anyway

the friend I was telling those two things to

she started complimenting out of no where

telling me what a great personality I had

and I was taken aback

I mean, I needed it; I've been hard on myself late

I don't really feel like I'm ever going to find someone to love me like I need

and she just keeps complimenting me

and at this point I realize I'm being hit on

and for whatever reason

we start telling each other secrets

and

there was this party we went to

and I was in a maid outfit with my cheeks flopping all over the world

and we danced the night away with her and her husband

and

anyway

she falls asleep on the same bed I'm on

and I fall asleep in that outfit

and she wakes up to my dick in front of her face because she fell asleep in the reverse position of me

and she told me her secret was that she wanted to bite my dick so badly in that moment

and that she's thought about it in all the years that passed

and

like

... I told her that was hot

and it was fucking stupid

I absolutely should have said anything other than that

but

I didn't

and I feel a little awful

and also a little vindicated

well, maybe my best friend should feel even more vindicated

she's been saying for years that this married woman is into me

and I dismissed her

but there were moments that I felt were too electric

and that sometimes I was on the cusp of being something it shouldn't

but

this kinda proves it

I mean

she was just slathering me in compliments

and telling me how her husband would get so jealous when she drove a few cities away to spend her Friday with me

and

anyway

it made me feel terrible because i've know her husband much much longer

and the guy adores me

and he would fucking kill me if knew his wife was saying those things to me

I mean, he has been very violent in the past

neglecting that

it just feels like a reminder to always trust my instincts

that

if it feels weird, it is weird

finally

my best friend reached out today

and told me she was stalking me without any other qualifiers

in the past, I would be begging her to tell me what she meant

instead

I just told her to stalk me harder

You have returned as a different person. I like this person. A lot. You are more like the person I met so many years back now and who I appreciated. I appreciate you. But we’ve been through the same cycles so many times that I can’t fully lean into it 100% like I used to, I never know when you are going to disappear so I am protecting my heart and sanity so I’m not affected if/when it inevitably happens again. Maybe it’s simply consistency that will help me overcome it. Despite that hesitation, I feel my heart trying to flutter out of the vines it’s wrapped in.

But I won’t let it, I’m keeping it contained so I don’t get overly invested in it again. You know it’s easy for me to get swept up in my emotions and what not so I have to stay level-headed. I’ve always been the one to chase, the one to open up first, the one to figure it out. If you want this, you’ll try to put a little effort in and figure it out to make it happen. And if not, that’s okay too. I like how things are right now with us. I like who you are right now. I like the things you’ve been saying and how you’ve been acting and you relaxing a bit maybe you finally realized I’m not out to get you and I truly do just want to see you happy and enjoying life. I’m going through a very tough time with these life changes and your presence is making life a little bit better for me right now. It’s warding my sadness about it all away. I appreciate that more than you’ll ever know. I hope you have a wonderful week. Maybe I’ll get some good news that can lead me to you. I have a familiarity and comfort in you that I don’t have with anyone else and I’d love nothing more than to be wrapped up in you because of that.

You were the first person that made me like I didn't need to be different, that the way I was, was good enough, I never felt that before.

I've always tried to change myself with people, to either polish me or make me messier, I've never felt like I could ever make someone be trully happy to be with me in a relationship.

I know things didn't work out between us, I wish they had, I tried to give you the space you needed, I don't think I managed to, I wish I could go back in time and do things differently, but I don't think I would.

I wish I could have told you again how much I loved you even though you didn't like when I said that, I wish I could have told you how you made these last months of erasmus the best I had in my life.

But I can't, I'm not sure If I'll ever see you again, I hope I do, I hope you are okay, I'm always here if you ever need anything, you don't have to apologize, we all made mistakes, I did too, but meeting you was not one of them

For everything, thank you, you will always have a space in my heart.

I love my beloved
His eyes so sweet
His mouth so wicked
His hands terribly tremble
Under gnarly roots
So twisted

I love my beloved
Fore I know his voice
It speaks to me
And sings
The loneliest song of forever

I love my beloved
In his garden
He weeps
I buried him there
Thousands of time
His lips sin beautifully
Against mine for all time

I love my beloved
Every day of my life

Ani l’dodi v’dodi li

I love my beloved
I am his
Wife

I have a theory as to why you and I are so much alike.

We both entered this world on our own terms . I didn't follow the rules. I didn't go out the way they expected me to lol I made my escape out the door i made . You decided you where going out feet first hangin on to the umbilical cord like pole dancer lol.

On your own terms . We are destined to cut our own path through this physical experience. We follow no one,we make our own decisions ,we've both suffered more then our fair share of trama, heartbreaks,we both have plenty of scars. This last year has been one hell of a ride for me . Lookin back i glad you wasn't with there you where right to put distance between us. God looks out for us .

Maybe we should try walking side by side instead of single file . What ya think?

Forever yours J

My periods late again and still no blood. I think I’m clearly pregnant still. I was told at the hospital I was 27 weeks pregnant and now I’d be 28 weeks. That my due date is November 7th. I don’t think I had a miscarriage at all. The Obgyn lied to me and it explains so much. I have had no period and the dates are adding up. I know I previously stated that I thought I had a miscarriage but I think the Obgyn lied to me. I heard them in the back saying I was clearly pregnant still. They said they wanted to lie and not say anything and just disregard the pregnancy and not give proper care. I’m not going back there again to that Obgyn ever again such malpractice. I’ll find a new doctor that actually knows what’s she’s talking about. Im clearly still pregnant just wasn’t sure how to explain that to my family without confusion. Even the doctor said it was a girl from the records on file. So she’s a huge liar

Weird I am.

And I’m the one who has to live with that every day.

I don’t believe I came into this world complicated. I think I arrived much like everyone else, a kind soul, wanting to love and be loved, knowing nothing yet of shame, regret, ambition or loss.

Then time introduced itself.

And time has a way of leaving fingerprints. Like those left upon a window while waiting for something just beyond the glass. Stay there long enough and the world on the other side begins to change. The things you once reached for move, disappear, or become something else entirely. And while they may remain out of reach, the fingerprints remain — proof that you were there, that you waited, that you wanted something enough to press your hands against the glass.

I’m proud of what I have overcome and proud of what I have achieved. But I’m old enough now to understand that survival has a price, and sometimes we don’t discover what we paid until years after we feel spent and struggle to find change.

At thirty-eight, I find myself trying to understand the man who survived it all.

My soul doesn’t feel as pure as it once did. The proud young man who swayed with music feels so distant. My confidence has been wounded, and some days I look into the mirror and struggle to recognise the person looking back.

You can call me what you wish.

You can judge me for what I have done. Shame me for the mistakes I have made. Reduce my life to its worst chapters if that makes my story easier for you to understand.

But your words will never punish me as harshly as my own have.

They are merely echoes of conversations I have already had with myself in rooms you have never entered, and my kind heart hopes that you never will.

Perhaps that is one of the cruellest things about being human.

We are given this extraordinary thing called life, but nobody tells us how easily we can spend it trying to become worthy of having it. Searching for the next piece of the puzzle, not realising the beauty is amongst the pieces already found.

We chase happiness as though it lives somewhere ahead of us.

The next job.
The next achievement.
The next person.
The next version of ourselves.

Always there.

Never here.

And while we are busy becoming, life quietly happens around us.

We talk about spending time, saving it, wasting it and losing it as though it were currency. But unlike money, we never know the balance of our account until it becomes borrowed time.

Perhaps that is why the smallest things eventually become the largest in value.

A conversation we didn’t know we would remember.
A hand held a little longer.
Laughing until breathing became difficult.
Someone saying our name in a way nobody else could.
Sitting beside somebody we love without needing anything from them except another minute.

Those are the things time cannot refund. We own them. They are ours to keep, and I somehow feel we will hold them closest when there is no more time to be spent.

Life gives us choices too.

We can become victims of everything that has happened to us, or search amongst the wreckage for something worth carrying forward.

The simple question of, “Is my glass half full, and should I drink it?” is an easy one for those not walking through the desert. The stranger question is: why did I choose the desert when my other option was a rainforest?

And with this, I digress on how our choices can become simply complicated.

We can choose kindness when cruelty would be easier. We can live by the values we claim to possess.

Or we can dance with the devil and convince ourselves we only did it because he knew the music.

I have danced with both.

There were years when life threw things at me that I thought would destroy me.

And I danced through them.

When others might have run, I danced.

When I was frightened, I danced.

When I was hurting, I danced.

When I didn’t know where life was taking me, somehow I kept moving.

And I’m proud that I danced when I could.

I remember the music.

But lately, I have found it difficult even to walk.

Because somewhere along the way, the person I see in the mirror stopped bringing music to my ears.

There is a peculiar loneliness in missing yourself, or becoming lost in wondering who you could have been.

For a long time, I believed the answer was to become someone I could love again.

Better.
Stronger.
More successful.
Less damaged.

I imagined some future version of myself standing in the distance, waiting for me to finally become worthy of him.

Perhaps that was the illusion.

Perhaps the person I was supposed to love was never waiting at the finish line.

Perhaps he has been here the entire time.

Tired.
Weathered.
Imperfect.

Standing in front of the same mirror, waiting for me to stop judging him long enough to recognise him.

I have made many mistakes, and I’ll make more before my time is over.

But underneath the skin of this weathered body, I still believe there is a good man. A talented man. A gifted man. A man who could simply be called unique.

I would not walk past someone who was hurting. I would sacrifice myself for those I love. I think deeply. I feel deeply.

For years I thought that was my weakness.

Now I understand it may have always been my gift — one earned through countless nights with tears running down my face, asking why?

Perhaps I was asking the wrong question.

Perhaps it was never:

Why did this happen?

Perhaps it was simply:

What will I do with it?

Because I am still here.

And while I am here, there is still time.

Not to become the man I once imagined I would be.

But to forgive the one standing in front of me.

And maybe, one day, when I look into that mirror,

I’ll hear the music again.

Oh, how I’ll dance.

But I’ll dance a little differently this time.

I’ll dance to music of my own, made from a different sound.

The sound of birds somewhere above me, and a waterfall crashing nearby, its fury beneath my feet as each step touches the ground.

The soles of my feet still burnt from walking through the hot sand, I step into the cold water and look at the cup I’ve carried in my hand.

I won’t be needing this anymore.

I’ll drink from the water.

I’ll listen to the birds.

And I’ll dance.

Not as the man I was.

Not as the man I thought I should become.

Just as me.

Weird, I am.

And perhaps, finally,

I’ll be glad that I am.

My love,
Sometimes I wonder if you realize how deeply you have changed the way my heart understands love.
Before you, I might have thought love was mostly about the big moments—the unforgettable dates, the beautiful words, the excitement of falling for someone. But loving you has taught me that the deepest kind of love can be much quieter than that. It can exist in the smallest spaces between two people: in a look that lasts a second longer than necessary, in the comfort of sitting together without needing to speak, in reaching for each other automatically, or in the simple thought of you crossing my mind in the middle of an ordinary day.
You have become one of those thoughts that never really leaves me.
I can be doing something completely unrelated, and suddenly there you are in my mind. A memory. Your smile. Your voice. Your eyes. The feeling of being close to you. And for that brief moment, everything inside me softens.
That’s what you do to me.
You make my heart feel softer.
There is a part of me that wants to spend years learning the language of you—not because I don’t know you, but because I don’t think anyone could ever truly finish discovering another person’s heart.
I want to know how your dreams change as you grow. I want to know what you still secretly hope for. I want to know what makes you feel proud of yourself, what makes you feel peaceful, what makes you laugh uncontrollably, and what thoughts you keep to yourself when you’re quiet.
I want to know the stories behind the person you are today.
And I want to be there for the stories that haven’t happened yet.
I don’t want to love you only in retrospect. I want to love you while we’re becoming everything we’re meant to become.
There is something incredibly intimate about growing alongside someone. Watching each other change, learning new things about one another, making mistakes, figuring life out, and still waking up one day thinking, That’s my person.
That’s what I want.
I want the kind of love that doesn’t need to constantly prove itself because it becomes evident in the way we live.
The kind where I instinctively save the last bite for you.
Where I remember something you mentioned weeks ago.
Where I know when you need a hug before you ask.
Where you can look at me across a room and somehow I understand exactly what you’re saying.
Where we can spend an entire evening laughing over something completely stupid and somehow that becomes one of my favorite memories.
I want a love that has inside jokes nobody else understands.
A love with traditions we accidentally create.
A love filled with little rituals that become ours.
Maybe someday we’ll have a favorite place to sit together. Maybe we’ll have a particular song that instantly reminds us of each other. Maybe we’ll have a ridiculous argument about who is worse at directions. Maybe we’ll have a hundred tiny things that nobody else would understand but that make our relationship feel like its own little universe.
I want that universe with you.
And I want to keep adding to it.
There are so many versions of you that I want to love.
The playful you.
The sleepy you.
The stubborn you.
The affectionate you.
The thoughtful you.
The quiet you.
The version of you who doesn’t have all the answers.
The version of you who is completely confident.
The version who needs reassurance.
The version who simply wants to be held.
I want to be there for all of them.
Not because I expect you to be perfect, but because I don’t.
I don’t want a love built around pretending that two people will never hurt, disappoint, misunderstand, or struggle. I want something more honest than that.
I want two imperfect people who keep learning how to love each other better.
I want us to be able to be more open and loving towards one another
“I understand.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Come here.”
“I’ve got you.”
Sometimes I think those simple words can mean more than the most elaborate declarations of love.
Because love isn’t only what we say when everything is beautiful.
It’s what we do when life isn’t.
And if you ever have a day where you don’t feel strong, I want you to know you don’t have to pretend with me.
You can simply come closer.
You can rest.
You can let yourself be tired.
You can let me hold you.
You don’t always have to carry everything by yourself.
Sometimes I want to be your quiet place.
The person you can come home to emotionally, even when the world has been overwhelming.
And when you’re happy, I want to be the person celebrating beside you so loudly that you can’t help but smile.
I want to know your victories.
I want to know your disappointments.
I want to know what you’re working toward.
I want to watch you accomplish things you once thought were impossible.
And I want you to know that I’ll never measure your worth by what you accomplish.
To me, you are already enough.
You don’t have to earn my love by being extraordinary every day.
You don’t have to constantly make me happy.
You don’t have to have everything figured out.
You simply have to be yourself.
That is the person I fell in love with.
And that is the person I want beside me.
There are moments when I look at you and feel almost overwhelmed by the tenderness I have for you.
Especially when I notice the little things.
The warmth of your hand.
The way you look when you’re relaxed.
The expression on your face when you’re genuinely happy.
Those amber-brown eyes that seem to hold warmth inside them, like sunlight caught in an ember.
I could look at them for an absurd amount of time and still feel like I hadn’t seen enough.
But more than your appearance, I love what happens inside me when I’m near you.
I feel known.
I feel connected.
I feel like I can breathe a little easier.
And there is something beautiful about having someone whose presence can make the world feel less heavy.
I hope someday we look back at our younger selves with tenderness.
I hope we remember the little things we worried about.
The places we went.
The conversations we had.
The nights we stayed up too late.
The days we thought would never end.
The moments we didn’t realize would become memories.
I want to build enough memories with you that someday we can spend hours telling the same stories over and over again and still laugh at them.
I want to sit beside you years from now and think, We really lived all of that.
I want to grow older with a person who still makes me feel young at heart.
I want to discover new places with you, get lost together, find little restaurants we love, take long drives with nowhere particular to go, sit beside water with fishing poles in our hands, watch the sky change colors, and occasionally do absolutely nothing together.
Because sometimes doing nothing with the right person feels like everything.
I don’t need every day with you to be extraordinary.
I want the ordinary days too.
Especially those.
The mornings when we’re barely awake.
The evenings when we’re exhausted.
The random grocery trips.
The quiet car rides.
The spontaneous kisses.
The cuddling that lasts longer than either of us intended.
The moments when one of us says something ridiculous and the other can’t stop laughing.
Those are the pieces of life I want.
Not a perfect fairytale.
A real life that feels like ours.
And if life ever becomes difficult, I hope we remember that we’re on the same side.
I hope we keep reaching toward each other instead of away.
I hope we keep talking when silence would be easier.
I hope we keep laughing when everything feels too serious.
I hope we keep touching each other’s hands simply because we need the reminder that we’re here.
And most of all, I hope we never become careless with something this precious.
Because you are precious to me.
Not because I believe you’re flawless.
But because I know you’re human, and somehow that makes loving you even more meaningful.
I get to know you.
Really know you.
And still choose you.
That is the kind of love I want.
Not the kind that exists only when everything is beautiful.
The kind that stays.
The kind that grows roots.
The kind that becomes part of the history of two people.
If I could give you anything, I would give you the ability to feel even a fraction of what I feel when I think about you.
Maybe then you would understand why sometimes words fail me.
Why sometimes all I want to do is pull you close.
Why a kiss from you can make my entire body feel electric.
Why your arms around me can make everything else disappear for a little while.
Why I can miss you even when I’ve only just seen you.
And why, somehow, no amount of time with you ever feels like enough.
I don’t know exactly what every year ahead will bring.
I don’t know what challenges we’ll face or what unexpected turns life will take.
But I know what I want to keep choosing.
I want to keep choosing closeness.
Honesty.
Laughter.
Patience.
Adventure.
Tenderness.
And you.
I want to love you in ways that you can feel, not just hear.
I want my love to show up in my actions.
In the way I listen.
In the way I hold you.
In the way I remember.
In the way I stay.
In the way I look at you when you aren’t even paying attention.
And if someday we’re sitting together much older than we are now, perhaps somewhere quiet, watching the world move around us, I want to reach for your hand the same way I would today.
I want our hands to fit together with the familiarity of years.
I want to look at you and know that every version of us—the young ones, the confused ones, the hopeful ones, the adventurous ones, the tired ones, the older ones—were all worth becoming.
Because they all led us there.
To that moment.
Together.
And if I could say only one thing to you after a lifetime of loving you, I wouldn’t need an elaborate speech.
I’d simply look at you and say:
“I would choose you all over again.”
Not because our life was perfect.
Not because we never struggled.
Not because every day was easy.
But because through everything, you were you.
And loving you was never something I wanted to outgrow.
It was something I wanted to grow into.
So here I am, loving you today with a heart that already wants tomorrow.
And whatever tomorrow becomes, I hope there is always a place in it for me beside you.
Because there is a part of my heart that feels most at peace when it knows you’re near.
And I don’t think I’ll ever stop being grateful for that.
I love you more deeply than a single letter could ever contain.
And I hope I get a lifetime to keep showing you.

As always ,
Mel ❤️🖤🌹✨

If there's anything I've learned in the last few days it's that I dont think I'll ever be able to let you go myself, so maybe making you hate me will make it a little easier...I hope it does.

I wish you nothing but Happiness, Love and Stability in your life ez. I'll forever be upset that I won't be even a small part of it.