I was born into a life that looked like I had everything, but you know better than anyone that I never really felt like I had it. You’re the only one who knows I was abandoned, the only one who knows what that did to me and the parts of my story I never tell anyone else. I don’t think you’ll ever understand how much that changed me. I learned to hide behind expensive things, distractions, and habits I picked up just to make everything feel a little less empty. And when I lose something now, I know sometimes I’m not really grieving what I lost I’m grieving everything I lost before. You’re the only person I could say that to without having to explain myself. Maybe I spent too long trying to look like I was okay, trying to cover old wounds with new things, when all I really needed was to learn how to appreciate myself

And now somehow, after knowing each other so deeply, we have become strangers with memories. We separated without either of us really knowing how to stop it, and I think that is the cruelest part you can lose someone without ever deciding to lose them.

One day you are talking to the person who knows every hidden corner of you, and then one day you are staring at an empty inbox, knowing that somewhere out there they are living a life in which you no longer have a place. I still wonder if you ever open our old conversations, if you ever remember the things you knew about me that nobody else did, or if I have simply become another name you learned to live without. There is so much I never said because I thought there would always be another day to say it. There wasn't. So this letter sits here, unanswered.

~Chandra

after this much time, today i suddenly remembered you, now i do not feel related to you in my mind, you are a foreign thing, funny how something you hold so dear can be something so strange in an instant, i feel like it was some utopian world, but in that world though, i failed you again and again, im sorry for that, im so sorry, you gave me so much i could not do anything of much significance with it, im sorry you gave me so many chances i still failed you, at the end though, you slowly detached from me, i feel like you had given up on me long ago, coz in my mind it feels like it never happened, they say when your environment changes completely you can not relate to the old memories, maybe thats the case, maybe not, but today though, my deep conscious reminded me of you even for a split second, i felt the connection again, and because of that, i reralized that i have failed you i owe you an apology. forgive me.

I was making tea for my father because he was in a hurry when the gas cylinder suddenly ran out halfway through. I switched it with the new cylinder, but the new one felt empty to me too. Since I had been in Pune for the past two weeks, I didn’t know which cylinder was full, so I called my father to ask.

I was standing there holding one cylinder in each hand, comparing their weight, and telling him they felt exactly the same. I couldn’t figure out which one was actually full. My father told me the new one was full, but I still wasn’t convinced. I turned the gas on anyway and sure enough, it was full.

Then my father said that my baseline strength has probably improved since last 3 years

I miss being with you. I was so happy. Nothing gives me that same thrill, that same kick anymore. It's like I got a cold nose and I can't smell the beautiful flowers. Nothing gives me meaning anymore. I have to remember my deep childhood memories to feel something, which has curiosity mixed with the emotions, so I feel like a person for a second.

Nothing amazes me anymore. It feels like I have seen and experienced all there was to experience. Man, you left me like I was just another page in the book while I adorned you like the true testaments, and in the end, I couldn't even leave with my dignity.

You robbed it from me too. Now I settle for a settlement. At the dim hour of midnight, my mind mourns the most and thinks about how happy we were. Maybe it was just me, but the illusion you gave me that you could take me through this cursed life. I was wrong. It feels like I got hit with a low blow and then thrown back to right where I started.

I want to say fuck you, I'm better off without you, but that's not true. I want you, I need you, I miss you, and I love you. You were the only thing that gave me joy on this Shankara's forsaken planet.

so this is a long story short, i use to play pubg mobile when it came in 2018 - 2019 i didnt use to go to college just stay in my room play pubg all day i had to take a drop due to low attendance too and i stopped playing it ever since, lol the thing is i was always kept in a strict household they didnt let me drive the scooty and what not my sister had more freedom than me, and later on they started making fun of me for that same shit, anyways when i moved out i felt so free, and so at rest,

my anger and temper just dropped guys i was so at peace felt like buddha no amount of rage bait worked on me, and i baught a gaming type laptop but didnt play much games except for gta and few others even cs:go wah meh coz the real thrill i was getting with playing pubg, the people i use to met there and even though it was all online, i must have played like 1 thousand hours of that game and then after 7-8 months i had to take a drop coz of low attendance,

i use to stay in my room play pubg all day and roam around the city, i didnt even miss my home nor my family, buut yah after that life was never the same that time must be the peek of mah life, and then i came back stopped playing pubg tried many games like played 100s didnt feel the same high valo for like 800 hrs from 2020 to 2022 and last year some was better experience than csgo but nothing close to that high, then i would say odyssey was a good experience coz i got a good job at a us ferm then year was 2023 and at my house they let me be and didnt put their nose in every lil thing i did,

then again 2024 mother died and yah 2025 meh no job a broken situationship, found some success at my business but then it went south, now 2026 have a job, and is remote, but the high isnt there, of the business when it was succesfull i was walking differently was talking with confidence, people actually complimented me and said i have a very influencial personality lol,

but when the business went south, i fell in a pit, for couple of months, stopped going to the gym ate heavily got skinny fat and yah, took therapy for 3-4 months and back going again but the high just isnt there, dont feel like playing anything now, single player games makes me lonley, multiplayer makes me think i dont belong here im wasting my time, and just dont know what this feeling is.

I got robbed in the desire to get you. Years and years I gave to you. Nothing could shake me away from you. In the whole world, all my life, you were the one I desired the most. I spent days and days, in and out, with you, and at the end, when I got robbed of everything, you walked away like nothing happened.

I lost sleep because of you. It was foolish not to take their advice seriously when they said to be careful with you. Now, as I write this, tears are falling down my face, and I'm questioning my life. Without you, I don't feel anything, just a deep post-traumatic feeling of numbness.

I hate you so much for robbing me of my sanity. I was so much better before I met you. You gave me hope. You gave me a chance to redeem myself, and I was so dumb to take your word for it. Well played. Destroying me from within and without, and then treating me like a stranger.