r/hingeapp

I’m 26(F) and matched with a 26(M) on Hinge. Within one week we had two dates. The first was more of a movie night at his place, and the second was a walk, dinner, then back to his place. We ended up having sex on the second date, and it was completely consensual. There wasn’t any awkwardness afterward, and while we were together everything felt really natural and comfortable. The thing that’s been confusing me is that after the second date, his texting has changed. Before, he would reply within minutes, even when he was at work, and now he’s taking hours to reply. I know people get busy and I’m also very new to dating apps, so I’m not sure if I’m overthinking this or if I’m picking up on a genuine change. Part of me is wondering if he was only waiting for us to have sex, but I also don’t want to jump to conclusions. Should I bring it up and ask him directly, or am I reading too much into it? Would appreciate any advice or perspectives. Thank you 🙏

Ps: Thanks everyone for the advice, means a lot. I just had a conversation with him and he agreed that he wanted sex. I'm just way too mad at my gut feeling because for the first time I felt really safe somewhere after going through shit experiences and that's why I ended up on a second date with him, but yeah this is it i guess. Thanks again

Hey all, I live in a big city and I’m 90% sure I’d get more matches that are more to my liking if I set my location as 15-20 minutes away. This is based on where I’ve lived previously. I’m happy to drive for dates and wouldn’t lie in conversations. Others seem to do this, but not sure the reasoning.

Question: Is there an issue with telling a white lie in this way in your opinion?

Further context: I’m a 34m in Sydney who gets 3-5 matches a week. Dating seriously. I live in a city where people live in geographic bubbles for whatever reason (bodies of water, toll roads, cultural elitism). My bubble is older and less diverse. Across a bridge there’s the younger areas where there’s more people worth meeting. For those that know, I live Lower North Shore Sydney and the younger areas are Inner East, Inner West and Inner Sydney. I’d probably just set my location as Sydney.

I’m a 24yr old dark skin black women and have been on the app for over a month. I get about 2-4 likes a week. Which is fine but a lot less than what I was hoping for. I’m considered above average and model part time while working and studying full time.
I prefer LTR and there is nothing objectively wrong with my profile. Yet I receive low engagement from low quality profiles (men with unfinished profiles looking for hookups).

So I went ahead and deleted my profile and started a new one a week later listing my ethnicity as white and I’ve never received so many likes from decent men before. Most are looking for what I’m looking for. And they’re well educated and aren’t interested in me for my body. Not all but most.

But I feel to embarrassed and ashamed of my skin color to celebrate. All this time I thought I wasn’t good enough but it was just the apps racial biases. I don’t know if wanna continue using it anymore. I’ve haven’t felt so rejected and excluded in a very very long time.

Has anyone else experienced this?

I’m a 26M currently living in Germany, and earlier this year I matched with a girl on Hinge after basically spending years not seriously dating anyone. Before this, I had a very long phase of just focusing on studies, life, and myself, so this connection felt very different and very meaningful to me.

We talked for around 4 months. We never officially became a couple, but emotionally it became quite intense, at least from my side. We used to talk almost daily, had long phone and video calls, shared personal things, talked about life, future plans, insecurities, family stuff, and slowly I started feeling emotionally attached to her. What made it confusing is that it never felt one-sided in the beginning. She was vulnerable with me too, showed care, interest, affection.

At the same time, I later realized she probably still had unresolved feelings or some emotional connection with her ex. Things slowly became hot and cold, and then on my birthday she suddenly ended things, blocked me, and later I noticed she had reconnected with her ex again(the same guy, who used to ignore and make complications in their relationship). That part honestly hit me very hard.

What I still struggle to understand is why this affected me so deeply. Logically, I know we weren’t officially together, and it was “only” four months. But emotionally, it genuinely felt like I lost someone important. I went through all the classic anxious attachment stuff afterwards checking profiles, overthinking, wondering what was real and what wasn’t, replaying conversations in my head, feeling unable to move on even though part of me knew the connection probably wasn’t healthy or stable in the long run.

The strange thing is that lately I’ve started feeling slightly better. I’m focusing more on my German classes, thesis, work, future plans, and trying to rebuild myself again. Sometimes when I accidentally see her profile or photo now, she almost feels… normal? Like my brain is slowly removing the pedestal I had placed her on. But then there are still moments where random memories or emotions hit me out of nowhere and I wonder why my mind is still attached to something that ended so abruptly.

I’m not posting this to blame her or call her toxic. I genuinely think she cared about me in her own way. I just think maybe we were emotionally in very different places, and I got attached much more deeply than she did.

I guess I just wanted to ask if anyone else has gone through something similar, especially with a short but emotionally intense connection that somehow affected you way more than you expected.

How long did it take you to mentally detach from it? And how did you stop over-romanticizing someone once the emotional high faded away?

Okay so i (25M) have been talking to this lovely woman (F27) for about 2 months now, and we have been writing A LOT and i really feel like we have been clicking, we moved to snapchat about 1 month ago, and have only gone on one date atm, since she doesnt have to much free time atm, doing both work and studying so it has been hard to find a time for the second date (a movie marathon), it was gonna be last week initially but she got more work so she said she might have more time at the end of the month.

but today i saw that she has unmatched me on hinge (not sure if she did today could also be a week ago, since i dont use it to often now), we havent typed anything there since we moved to snap, but is that a bad sign or not or is it normal to unmatched after some time when you have another way of communicating?

not sure if its just me overthinking, but we have atleast been writing a little bit the last we days so its not completely silent atleast.

and can i just ask her or would that be weird?

Their profile doesn’t show up in the past matches list so I assume it’s deleted. It’s my first hookup ever in life and I didn’t do any research into behaviours until after. But I can’t find any information about this.

During it, we did it, we cuddled, we watched a documentary, we ate, we went to sleep.

I wanted to leave at night but I could tell they wanted me to stay. They kept saying what we’ll do tomorrow. They even said “you could leave in the morning though. No rush” under their breath… it was late though and I didn’t wanna be in a strangers (uber) car at late night. Like I don’t take what they said to mean something because of course, the goal of a hookup is sex and it could be unlimited for the time spent with each other.

When I settled into the bed to stay, they were like “I wanna take you to this cafe, will you let me?” And I was like “yeah” and just fell asleep. During the night they wanted to cuddle (asked me first) and they held me all night while I slept. The cuddle wasn’t sexual. It was literally just them putting their head on my shoulder or holding my arm, or holding me beside them.

In the morning, we woke up, went to a cafe, walked then they got me the uber home. During the walk, they were telling me about themselves and saying “oh we could go here”, “I wanna show you this”, “let’s do this together”.

Before leaving, they were telling me their schedule and asking to meet again and saying I could even come back that same night. I agreed to meeting again another day but I didn’t show enthusiasm so idk if they believed me. (its “set” tomorrow, let’s see if they really meant it when they asked though).

It was my first hookup and my goal was to “have sex with someone new to see what I like” after being in a 3 year relationship.

They texted me when I got home to make sure I got there safely. At the time, their account was still on hinge. But at night, their account was gone. I went to the past matches and it’s not there. They have my number and I have theirs.

By the way I’m 24F and they are 28M.

So I (29F) matched with this guy (29M) a little over 2 weeks ago… we slowly began messaging more and more each day until switching over to texting. I was even on vacation for part of it and he had a busy work week - but we still managed to do phone calls most nights and text once or twice each day. Both of us seemed excited to meet. Planned a date to meet up after talking for 2 weeks.

Lots of flirting, great conversation, and he made it really clear to me he was searching for a relationship. Made it obvious the entire time that I had his attention. I was the more hesitant one out of the two of us since I had been on the apps much longer than him and dating much longer. I had to remind him not to get ahead of himself, and his attitude was more along the lines of “no problem - you’ll come around”

We have dinner and everything seems to be going well, the plan was to eat and bar hop a bit afterwards. Again, we had made a lot of conversation beforehand so I knew as long as he resembled his photos I’d be down to spend a few hours together. I found him attractive, and started letting loose. I decided to tell him I was comfortable to focus on one another, and he made it crystal clear he has such a busy work schedule/personal life he only has time for one woman. He was super clear about being very intentional with me.

Given this information and the dry spell I was in, I ended up taking him upstairs and we banged like bunnies. Probably my first time having sex on a first date since my early 20s. It was great, but my place was a mess and I had made it clear I was embarrassed about that. He couldn’t stay bc of work related stuff, but reassured me it wasn’t just about that and I’d hear from him next day.

Next day comes, and he reaches out in the afternoon saying he was about to head in for night shift. The following day his communication is low and he reassured me once again it was a new schedule and that he meant what we talked about. I was honest and said the change in communication after the fact made me super uneasy, and that I might need some reassurance. He agreed to that and said he’d be in touch - even told me tentatively when to expect to see him again. Later that evening… our hinge chat is completely gone. He either unmatched, or he deleted the profile.

Next day… didn’t reach out once. I tried and got nothing back. I even politely said that I felt the need to take a step back from exclusivity if the communication was going to continue this way, but that there were no hard feelings. Nada. Completely ghosted me.

I probably got too drunk and sexually aggressive so it may have been my fault… but I only did so because of how much we spoke beforehand and the conversation about exclusivity. To continue reassuring me after the fact then ghost me is just completely insane…. now I’m questioning if the entire thing was a love bombing lie or if he just couldn’t bring himself to say he lost interest. I’m dumbfounded because I was the one telling HIM to tap the breaks… then the second I agree it’s like all the effort went out the window. I was barely getting a response each day and told he’d possibly be able to see me again 2 weeks from now. I was never even the one mentioning exclusivity to begin with. I don’t regret the sex, it was much needed, but jeez if he changed his mind after the fact it’s okay to just say so.

Do you think he was love bombing me and just unmatched so that I wouldn’t see his profile??

Edit: Someone mentioned this was an important detail I left out “He was the one double texting for a week and a half, overly emphasizing how much he was looking for a relationship, and when I said I was fine with being exclusive he acted like “yeah of course”.