u/GalaxiGazer

... chances are you already have a wife/girlfriend.

You seem nice. You appear to be shy and modest. You carry yourself well. I could get to know you. But I already know the end of the story.

You're happy and content with me walking away from you. You're happy to remain distant and unknowable to be. You're not going out of your way to let ke know thst you'd like for us to get to know each other.

I can accept that.

I can still be attracted to you and take notice of what I like about you for future reference. But I'm not going to voice to you my attraction and interest. I'm not going to build myself up to like you only for you to tell me about her.

Instead, I'll thank you for the great conversation we've had, wish you a good day, and hope that things work out for you.

If I'm noticing you, paying you attention and I'm attracted to you, chances are you likely already have a wife or girlfriend.

That is all.

~ Me

Dear you,

This is what I wish I could have told you in 2025!!!

First, I will tell you that I enjoyed staring at you, observing you, listening to you, and making all kinds of mental notes about you. I liked it when you walked past my desk. I liked seeing you nonchalantly play on your phone, leaning against the doorway, with your leg crossed over. I liked watching you. You walked around the room as if you were an angel on the clouds; you were missing your wings and your halo.

Second, part (if not all) the reason why I was so quiet was because I had no real reason to talk to you. I took notice of those specific items you had at your desk: a blue-and-black dragon, a helmet (I enjoyed messing with the magnets that were part of it's unique design), the mini statue of a knight and, perhaps the most notable of all, a sword. Yes, I had a multitude of questions to ask you. I'm guessing that was one of the reasons why you had them prominently displayed so I'd notice. Yes, I did. I wanted to talk to you about all of them. But if you also remember, I was also kept from saying a single word to you. I eventually accepted that to mean that I should avoid you and keep my mouth shut.

No, it wasn't in your imagination that I went out of my way to avoid you. I did so because, considering the events of each day, it was best I kept myself quiet and at a distance. It wasn't what I wanted to do; it was something I had to do. Eventually, it became easy and I got used to it. But I was also fighting and resisting. I was fighting the urge to be around you because you had this calming, soothing, and welcoming energy. Unlike the other individual who got all excited and giddy around you, I was very calm and quiet because just being near you brought me calm and peace. During those few times you strategically placed yourself near me and I was quiet and content? That was because I felt safe and drawn to you. But I couldn't let you know. So I focused more on avoiding you and pulling myself away from you.

Now that I've been away from you and I've had the necessary distance and space to process what I believe may have just been a simple attraction to you, I'm willing to open myself up to the idea that I was easily introduced to the man who will one day become the love of my life. I'd like to think that you were that angel undercover, quietly and humbly observing me in my everyday world, showing yourself to be worthy of the one who will change my heart as well as my last name. No, you weren't loudly announcing yourself and you weren't broadcasting yourself as such. Instead, you were quiet. You got away with not saying a word ... which worked out perfectly considering I wasn't saying anything to you.

The universe has not brought us back together (yet), so I'm presuming that there is more for me to untangle and work through. Back then, I got away with keeping my mouth shut, sidestepping you, and breezily walking away from you. Now, it's all catching up to me. I can't run away or avoid this any more than I already have.

I'll end this on a high note. I'm pretty sure your feet are tired because you're constantly running through my mind.

~ Me

Dear you,

I'm appreciating the growth lessons I'm going through to prepare for the rare event you appear out of thin air and into my life. As I'm meeting and getting to know all sorts of guys, I'm learning more about how I'll recognize you and what you'd look like to me. Let me count the ways:

1. I won't be begging for your attention and hoping you'll notice me
2. You won't require me to prove why you should want me and be interested in me
3. Picking up the phone to call me will be your highest honor, not a burden
4. You won't be content texting me all kinds of sweet things and then turn around and avoid any opportunity to show me
5. You will make the time necessary for us to talk and you'll expect the same from me
6. Your interest in me will be about me, not about any kind of benefits you can get from me
7. I won't have to decode you, demystify you, or figure you out
8. Distance, games, and avoidance will be what you confront and resolve, not encourage or tolerate
9. Other women chasing you and vying for your attention will not be used as leverage in order to make me want you
10. I'll know who you are ... you want me to know you

That's a good running start.

In this age of "social" media, it's very easy for anybody to pretend to be anybody online. It's easy to hide, play games, pretend, and get away with false advertising. You don't have to be that way with me. I want to know the real man, not the username, profile and posts other oeople see. You don't have to show off your pecs and present yourself having this supremely active life (working a 9-5 and spending all weekend hiking and fishing tirelessly and jet-setting off to Europe every vacation???? Get real, man!! 😄). You get the idea.

It seems right now as if you don't exist, but that's not the point of my journey at this stage. My homework is for me to demonstrate to the universe, even in small ways, that I'm able to put into practice the right lessons I've learned about being a healthy partner and understanding what it takes to build and develop a healthy relationship. Unfortunately, but also fortunately, the wrong ones are the ones who find me and are being used to help me grow and learn. One day, I'll be able to see and appreciate how far I've come.

For now, though, the wrong ones are front and center as they help me heal from my past.

You're my future.

That is all.

~ Me

This post is a celebration post!! I've met a couple of other guys that, at best, were just simply nice guys that I've met. None of them were you. I struggled with walking away from all of them, remembering that when the right love finds me at the right time, it will not require me to chase, force or manipulate things. I was a little hurt that those guys I've met had no problem with me walking away from them and there was nothing motivating him to initiate things with me. I was happy, content, and perfectly at peace knowing that I was (and still am) whole with just me, myself and I and that I wasn't compromising myself and settling for less by chasing after a man.

The universe rewarded me with an additional bonus by, in the most unexpected way and when it was the furthest thing from my mind, pointing me towards you and giving me a huge clue as to how I will recognize you.

The word Dairyland should be very familiar to you.

This is helping me to understand why you and I have not met yet (for the record, the one I've met from there was/is already involved with someone else and is NOT you).

First off, you're nowhere near me so you're considered long-distance. If you and I are not using dating apps to find each other, I'm not in your hometown just yet and I don't think you'd want to be in the desert right now, then it's no wonder we haven't met yet. If that is where you are, then every (single, eligible, nice, and decent) man I meet in my neck of the woods right now are likely not you.

Second, there is nothing (yet) that's anchoring me there. However, I will acknowledge that there is something that I'm willing to consider: law school. Yes, I've done my research and my homework thoroughly well and it turns out that NYU may not be the best choice for me after all. I will honestly admit that my dreams of applying and (going big instead of going home) getting admitted into NYU ~ those dreams I've nursed, developed, envisioned and planned out for YEARS ~ go in order to make way for a better path that's best for me.

And, lastly, I have not gone far enough in my own future for you to be there. Building a relationship with you is a by-product of the both of us pursuing a future in which we're both walking in agreement; if that's where my future is headed, then it stands to reason that your future is there, too. And if I'm not further along in my own path, then you're also likely figuring out your own way. At some point, when we're both in the right places in our lives, then we'll likely meet at that point.

For myself, right now, this serves as a huge confirmation to me that my struggle in NOT chasing, forcing and manipulating things with the wrong guys (yes, even if they are good, eligible, decent and seemingly available) is what I should be doing. The more I refrain from chasing, forcing and manipulating things with all the wrong guys, the universe will reward you with revealing more detailed turn-by-turn instructions that will lead you directly to me.

Yes, I do expect you to be a Packers fan. No, I never cared for Aaron Rodgers, either.

I look forward to meeting you and getting to know you one day!

~ Me

Please take extra special care of yourselves!!

I'm preaching to the choir.

Be careful when going outside. Keep hydrated. Listen to your body and watch out for any signs of heat stress, heat exhaustion, or dehydration.

Normally, I'd have a happy send-off into the weekend for all of you, but I can't help but urge you guys to be cautious.

Stay cool and safe, y'all!

Consider this another strike against dating apps/online dating.

It's impossible to feel, develop or have any feelings of real love towards someone, especially when you meet them. The "spark" they talk about? That's actually stress and anxiety. There's a lot that's unknown when a relationship begins. It takes time to learn and discover things about the other person (and they you). It takes many in-person interactions, real-time conversations and shared experiences to even begin getting to know someone, let alone fall in love.

From my own dating mistakes I've made from my late teens through my 30's (I'm 42 now), there is no real need to hurry or rush the process of getting to know someone while building and growing an intimate relationship. I've seen whirlwind couples marry within months of meeting each other versus those couples who dated for years before marriage (I can't post them here but a Google search pulls up stats that 3 years is average for a dating relationship). Which of those couples I valued more?

I know, I know ... the media makes falling in love and dating look abbreviated due to the quick nature of a meet-cute in the beginning and happily ever after within a span of 120 minutes (30 seconds or less if using AI for the highlight reel). But in real life, there's no logical reason for rushing or hurrying the right connection.

While I don't anticipate ever dating again, as I consider dating to prepare myself for whatever may be ahead, this is one of those things I want to master. I want to take my time to get to know him, little by little, step by step (yes, even day by day and a fresh start over with a different way of praying! 😄). I don't want to get swept over with an array of emotions because he's brand-new to me. Instead, I'm wiling to slow down and thoroughly enjoy each slow step in the process. I want to take the time and do it right.

That is all.

Dear Mrs. Jones,

This was not the letter that I wanted to write, and maybe I have said something similar to what I'm about to share before, but this is vitally necessary. This isn't for you; it's more for me.

These past few months, I have struggled with anger and resentment against you because I once believed that you were somehow "stealing" Maverick away from me. I was angry over every single time you would keep LOUDLY demanding his undivided attention from the very moment he walked in the door and passed by your desk when coming into work, frustrated with you how you would use inappropriate language to demand his attention each time he and I would talk about anything, upset over how you strategically waited until the boss left the office before parking yourself in Maverick's office and using trips out for food and drinks to simulate the both of you having any kind of dating relationship while knowing that I was interested in him.

It was simple just admitting that the anger, resentment and frustration were there. Over the past few months, I had no idea that they slowly yet surely formed chains around me and graduated to a silent prison. Each memory I had about you (as well as the both of you) was very vivid. I was right there, all over again, rewatching his passing by your desk and hearing your loud giggles, seeing you quickly retreat back to your desk after spending all morning flirting with him as soon as you saw me walk in the door, and even how smug you were when the both of you came back while holding the drinks and junk food the both of you spent nearly two hours getting. While those vivid memories did provide for me energy, as well as many opportunities for me to attempt to rewrite the past to make it what I wanted, I was actually in prison. I was constantly living in the past, living in old memories, caught up in a negative feedback loop that would never get me anywhere.

Initially, I once believed that my heart and my healing should have been centered around Maverick, my feelings for him, and actually preparing myself to have a real relationship with him. Yes, I did my own healing work, learning more about healthy relationships, and thoroughly examined myself to make sure that I was fully ready to begin building the right relationship with him. While the universe did reward me for my efforts by making my own life better, I also acknowledged that Maverick was nowhere to be found. Absolutely no contact. No return text message, call, or even a reach through social media. I still continued my own healing work, believing that perhaps it was due to wrong timing or more lessons I needed to work through. Again, the universe rewarded me with graduated levels upward in my healing journey. Still, though, nothing was happening between Maverick and I.

It wasn't until I asked myself a simple yet overlooked question: Why was I interested in Maverick in the first place?

This is where I'm going to extend to you empathy and grace here. My interest in Maverick actually had nothing to do with him; it was all about me. How does this involve you? Let's take an honest look at the professional environment that you and I were in. The work was, at best, very repetitive and boring. There wasn't much really happening. While the boss did "grease the wheel" so to speak, it was a lot more relaxed after he put on his backpack and left. Who was really there left to talk with and connect with? There was an (older and married) gentleman who preferred not to get caught up in anything you had to talk about. There was a (younger and married) gentleman who was primarily focused on his kids in between his work tasks. Then were was a middle aged (and married) gentleman. You mentioned feeling very neglected and rejected by your husband. Surely, it was no surprise that a SINGLE, attractive, 6'1", blue-eyed prince would grab your attention. It didn't take very long before repetitive phone calls, service requests, and leaving messages paled in comparison than standing by his desk and getting lost in his eyes. Talking to him, from everything about camping equipment to favorite orders from Taco Bell, suddenly made work more tolerable. It even got to the point to where he was the reason why you even showed up. Your day was only bright when you could get him to throw back at you Jolly Ranchers from the candy bowl you had nearby and you could share with him pictures and highlight reels about your kids, yet you found yourself calling in sick or finding reasons to leave early any time Maverick had to take a sudden leave of absence or he was leaving early for whatever reason. You were high when he showed up, you were low when he was gone, and you sustained yourself by making sure you interjected him when talking to everyone else; otherwise, you quietly played on your phone and didn't say anything.

Given everything that you were going through, and even the environment in which everything happened, I can understand why you did what you did. It was easy to believe that his chatting with you about recent episodes of Rick & Morty, his acquiescence in taking you to the nearby grocery store for junk food and listening to you share your drama about how your kids at school were causing problems meant that he was romantically interested in you. You wanted to make sure that it was you (a married woman) instead of me (a single woman) who won the attention, affection, desire, and interest of a single man to justify feeling distant and checked out when you would come home to your husband. You wanted the validation and security of knowing that another man wanted you, and being in a rather boring office at work was the only opportunity you really had to chase that from Maverick.

The reason why I understand is because my interest in him wasn't about him. Maverick was merely a distraction. I only saw him as a distraction from the things in my life that were not working and were not going anywhere. My interest in him was borne from a sense of helplessness, resigning myself to my circumstances rather than trying to figure out and proactively change what wasn't working. It was much easier to focus on chasing after his attention, wanting his romantic interest, and wanting to be wanted instead of the real issues in my life that needed more of my attention.

This is why I'm letting him go.

Even though I'm not in 2025 anymore, my letting him go is also my gratitude to you and acceptance of everything you did. Because he was a distraction, I'm now thankful that you were the one who spent time on the payroll chasing after him, flirting with him, and doing your best to simulate a dating relationship between the two of you. Because he was a distraction, I can accept each time he stood by your desk and played with you, causing you to loudly giggle, exchange little notes, and freely abandoning your job to hang out in his office and talking to him all day. Those hours spent grabbing food and drinks? Yeah, that was a distraction, too. I'm thankful that you were the one who got to give in. He was never my right guy. You didn't steal anything away from me or prevent anything from happening. Nothing was ever supposed to happen with him and I (I put that to the test after I packed up my desk. The fact that nothing happened proves that everything that happened in the past was nothing but a distraction).

As far as the anger, frustration and resentment that I've had for you nearly this whole time? This may take time, a process, and even more time to manifest ... but I'm letting that go as well. I no longer hold it against you for anything you did. No, it doesn't make what you did okay. This means that ... I'm no longer allowing the past to infect my present and hold me back from my future. I'll even go so far as to wish the both of you a successful, healthy, and loving relationship with one another.

That is all.

For context, the last time I actually had a boyfriend was more than 10 years ago. It has been two years since the last time I went on a first date, save for a "drive-by" during lunch a year ago. I don't believe in using dating apps or meeting anyone for real online.

I'm not freaking out about dating again, but I'm freaking out about dating again.

There's just so many unknowns!

• After meeting someone organically, there's this weird time that passes before a first date is scheduled. It's definitely not like the way Hollywood portrays things, meeting someone and a lunch/dinner date is planned in a matter of minutes after merely knowing their first name
• The awkwardness of the first date. The first step to getting to know someone becomes real. Of course I understand that this is not the time to discuss matters of (physical) attraction or idealized emotional feelings. To start building that relationship, what's there to talk about? Occupation? Family? Childhood? Discovering things in common? Oh, and did I also mention the awkwardness?
• Slowly turning a mysterious stranger into someone who is more known and familiar is both thrilling and scary. There is so much to learn and discover about the other person, and for them to know about you
• Then there's the awkward development of when things do develop emotionally and romantically (let's just presume that physical attraction and a measure of sexual desire already exist). Attraction begins to deepen into something a little ... strange, unfamiliar, yet very exciting. "Oh, I didn't know that you used to collect Hot Wheels when you were a kid!" OMG, that is so adorable! He's so cute!
• When should the first kiss happen? Right on the first date? The second? During a spontaneous moment in between dates? Should it be a French kiss, fish kiss, or a simple peck on the cheek?
• Then comes the ultimate milestone in dating: DTR. For the uninitiated, this is defining the relationship. It's been said that this should occur by the third date. But what if it happens sooner, by the end of the first or the beginning of the second, provided that both people are secure and confident in their mutual connection? Should this be a momentous occasion, or just a simple discussion?

I'm sure that there will be many more freak-outs and more unknowns for me to think about, but this is all I got right now.

Rant over.

That is all.

Dear you,

It has taken me a year to tell you what I'm about to say. To give you a hint: I'm not leaving this note on your desk.

If you were paying careful attention to my behavior, you may have noticed a significant change in how I had treated you. You may have asked the others, as well as yourself, this question, "Did I do something wrong?" You spoke up and you made the best decision you made at the time. Well, here's what I can tell you: no, you didn't do anything wrong. If anyone did anything wrong, it was me.

The heart that I had towards you at the time was wrong, and I was doing whatever I could to push you away, to get you to reject me, to paint you as the wrong guy. I compared your behavior with Mrs. Jones, how jovial and playful you were with her, versus how careful and cautious you were with me, and I thought that you had rejected me because you were flirting with her. I didn't really care about you entertaining a dating relationship with a married woman; I cared about myself being involved with a guy who had the wrong kind of character.

At the time, I believed you to be pursuing a romantic relationship with her and I was angry at myself for still being attracted to you and considering you to be the (kind of) man that I would one day marry. So, I created a reason to give you a reason to push me away and reject me. My intention was to happily receive your rejection, and I would soon wake up one day completely over you and I'd move on. (okay, now I'm seeing why it was necessary that you didn't answer my phone call when I called you and you never responded to my voicemail. I'm glad for that now). I didn't get what I wanted.

The distance that I had created was less about you and more about being angry with myself. I was angry for the way I had judged you, angry that I was still attracted to you, angry that I couldn't get over you, angry that it seemed as if everyone (who clearly observed and read between the lines) wanted me to give you grace over the fact that maybe you just weren't ready, and angry that I was being guided in a direction to keep giving you chance after chance after chance.

The way you had treated me didn't help. You could have returned the favor back to me and pushed me away. You could have given me just cause for pushing you away and rejecting you. Instead, you ended up being very sweet, very protective, very respectful, and very careful with me. I gave you anger and distance, and what you gave to me in return was gentleness, sweetness, patience, kindness, and a lot of self-control. Your last gesture with me was your last, as well as your first, real opportunity to express and show me your real feelings for me.

It has taken me a year for me to go from giving you anger and distance to having my heart for you soften to where I'm open to the idea that I could learn and grow to love you. The gentleness, sweetness, patience, kindness and self-control you demonstrated towards me (especially when I least deserved it) shows me that you do have the capability within you to really love me. I compare that behavior with how you had acted with Mrs. Jones: playful, jovial, surface-level, generic, platonic. I thought the whole time that you were flirting with her and that you were in love with her. Now (nearly a year later), I will admit that I was wrong for how I felt about you back then.

This is the part where I'd say that I'm sorry (because I really am) but I'll even go one step further. Long before I say another word to you, already in my heart, I will make the decision that I will show back to you the same gentleness, sweetness, patience, kindness and self-control that you had shown to me. Because you are a man, this will look a little bit different. The heart that I have for you is that I'm beginning to develop a deeper level of respect for you. I had one level for you already while you and I worked together. This new respect that I have for you is for who you are personally. I want to respect the man who was patient and kind with me, who protected my feelings, who made sure that I was always in a position of honor. I want to respect the man who made sure that I was treated right.

That's how I'm thinking of you now. Not the coworker, but the man.

No, I'm not in love with you yet. However, because of the heart I have for you now, I could one day see myself being in love with you and loving you the right way one day. I'll end this with echoing the same sentiment that the late James Ingram did, "As I lay my head down tonight, I'll reflect that I owe you the sweetest of debts that I want to pay."

Oh, and I hope that you are enjoying your time with your family. I'm thinking of your mom, and I hope that she enjoys her special day.

~ Me

Dear you,

I might have messed up his words. The quote in the title is from Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married Too? The quote was spoken from an elderly couple, married for over 50 years, that was sharing what they had learned during their life together. That made me think of you.

I'll just get straight to the point here.

One of the reasons why I decided that you are my right guy is because even just the act of preparing myself to fall in love and grow in love with you has already paid off dividends in my life. It's not coming back to me void. I used to think that it was all a waste of time because there's nothing romantically happening between us (yet). But if/since you are my right guy, your effect on my life transcends the romantic.

I'll even include that cheesy ass song. "Never thought I'd find an angel undercover, made a change to everything from my heart to my last name." That's what you are right now. Except, I'm taking Katelyn Brown's words and making them into present tense. I can't argue or deny how much better my life got after you.

My car? Thank you for that!

I can't eat Taco Bell anymore without thinking about you. I had no idea that a breakfast burrito would make me think long and hard about my future.

I've met quite a few men after you, but all of them were ultimately forgettable. I was able to walk away (or end a chat) from them and their names are gone. However, the day I laid my eyes on you is a day that I'll never forget. I'm glad the universe chose that day to give John Lennon's song "Woman" a very special meaning.

Because I've decided that it's you, my time and energy are no longer wasted on trying to get men who reject me and avoid me to want me. There is a reason why none of them worked out and why any man I meet in the future won't ever go anywhere.

Because I'm not chasing after the wrong men or longing for any of them back, my energy, time, and other valuable resources are reinvested back into myself. I'm seeing progress in my work and career progression. My financial goals are more specific and attainable. I've lost even more weight. It's like I'm becoming more of myself than I have been in my entire life.

Just because you and I are not romantically involved (yet), doesn't mean that you aren't my right guy. Your impact on my life is (and should) more significant than your ability to make me giggle, make me come, and melt in your arms. You have made the greatest impact on me and I'm looking at a better, brighter future.

I was very blessed the day we met!

~ Me

Dear you,

If you got the reference, you may be laughing that you might not need a pamphlet to inspire you to join the Army. Even though I can't talk to you right now, I am thinking of you and I'm also thinking about where your own future can be headed.

Have you got that figured out yet?

I thought about how I was the wrong woman with all the wrong guys in my past and one of the many mistakes I made was taking on the responsibility of bossing them about their lives. They had no real interest in doing anything with themselves. They were content doing nothing, happy to barely get by and have others take care of them, and were satisfied using many excuses to avoid growth, challenges, responsibility, and success. I thought that if I could help them figure themselves out, get them "motivated" somehow to be responsible, then they would be successful and would want to be successful with me.

I don't want to make that same mistake with you.

I don't want to be the one getting on you about what you want to do with your life. I don't want to spend time with you being your career counselor, advisor, recruiter or anyone else that's professionally responsible to guide you in the right direction and helping you with figuring your life out. As your right woman, I can help you, encourage you, and support you as you pursue your life's direction and purpose. But it is not my place to tell you what your purpose is and to tell you what you should do in order to figure that out.

Perhaps this is one of the reasons why we may have been briefly introduced but not necessarily prospered in the way of building a relationship. If we are to build a successful relationship, we would need to discuss a possible future together and how being together would accomplish things. It's impossible to do that if you are in a place right now where you aren't entirely sure of where your future is headed. Because you are my right guy, you are a man who is very intelligent, hard-working, focused, and someone who wants to not only build wealth with your profession but also a legacy. You can go anywhere you choose to and you'll be successful at whatever you decide to do. Your problem right now may be that you don't necessarily know the right way to go. That's okay.

I can relate because I'm in the same spot as I'm making my own changes. I'm still cleaning up the past and pushing through healing and growing as I prepare for the future. Just like it's not my place to boss you into figuring out your future, it's not your place to bring comfort and healing to me. That's my job. It's my responsibility to grow and heal, to get my life (more) stable, and to set my focus forward just like it's your responsibility to understand your purpose and where your life is headed.

If you don't get anything else out of this, please consider the question, "Have you given any thought to your future?"

~ Me

I had no intention of saying anything, but thanks to Mother Nature's visit, I'm raging and ranting. Grrr!

Before I begin, I want to crown you with your new title. You're now The One Before The One. You can thank the universe (and even your mom, but I'll address her later). I'm supposed to think of you this way.

So ...

First, I want to thank you. This thanks is actually for this year. I'm about to embark on a new chapter and, for once this year, I'm cautiously optimistic that things are actually going to turn in a much better direction and I'll be able to close out 2026 stronger and tee up for 2027. As I consider things, I want to thank you that you, well, you didn't decide to pursue a relationship with me. With wrong guys, I was always disappointed because they wouldn't make a move, let me know that they wanted me, and wouldn't stick around long enough to get things going. With you, I'm glad. My 2026 has been difficult, painful, and a constant diet of tough choices that I'm not really living my best life right now. If you had decided to pursue things with me, I would have accepted being with you to make me feel better and distract myself from my problems and then pushed you away once things stabilized. Instead, you kept your mouth shut. I want to thank you for that. I don't need the distraction; I really need to focus on getting my life more stable, more put together, and getting my life (as well as myself) back. The last thing I need is a relationship. You're doing the right thing by holding yourself back. You're also BEING the right guy by doing the right thing. I appreciate that. Thank you!

Next, I'm going to share something very unusual that I've never shared about any man before. I wanted to wait until I had spoken to you (again) in person, but I believe that it's necessary for me to get this out right now. Your being silent is no accident because I had dreams about you (2021 and 2022), specifically, how I would recognize you. It took time for me to understand this because you resembled the previous guy I once seriously considered before you, so I thought it was about him I was dreaming about. Turns out, it was about you. How do I know? Your behavior. You were being very affectionate and loving with me. You were demonstrative about your romantic feelings. I felt safe and that I belonged in your arms. You looked at me with such love that you didn't need any words to express anything. Yes, we actually did get married. When we walked up the aisle, arm-in-arm, we were in lock step with each other and peaceful that we were heading in the same direction together. But most importantly? There was one common denominator behind everything you did: you didn't say a word. You communicated with me and you wanted me to know how you felt about me and your intentions. But you never opened up your mouth to say anything. You were quiet. Well, thinking back now to 2025 (about 2-3 years later after those dreams), your behavior I noticed from you was nearly exact. Even down to the way you leaned against the doorway, leg crossed over, and playing with your phone (yes, I noticed). For better or worse, you're no accident. You showed up when you were supposed to. You behaved the way you were supposed to.

Oh, and that married woman who kept chasing and wanting your attention? Yes, I had a dream about that, too. Only in the dream, she was a little imp by your ear that kept shouting at you while simultaneously questioning why you were ignoring her and demanding you to notice her. The whole time, you were staring at me with a very heavy lovesick look and completely oblivious to her bids for attention. I told you, "Um, there's this girl that's trying to get your attention." You politely brushed her off, keeping your gaze at me, and then saying, "It's okay, I don't mind." We were also at a food court in a mall because we were out on a date (if you're thinking of the right place or setting for our first date, call me Oasis, because this is the day that I'm throwing it back to you).

So, if you were wondering why I had given you weird looks and behaved strangely around you, now you know why.

Now, your mom. I've been doing a lot of thinking about her. Honestly, before anything SERIOUS happens between us, I'd like to meet her first. And this won't be your typical "take her home to mama" you may have considered with previous girlfriends (especially if she already knows my name!). I have quite a story to tell her that's been in the works for the past few years. Oh, and that car accident? Yes, she was rejoicing that my life was spared while I was still in the restaurant parking lot filing the claim and getting arrangements for towing and my rental vehicle. I'm confident that you really are my right guy, but the one who will tip the scales as far as what will influence my final decision to be absolutely sure, is for me to talk with your mom. There's so much that I want to share with her as well as ask her in order to make sure that all the pieces fit properly. Even more, I'm curious to see the true dynamic between the two of you, so I'd prefer to meet with her in her territory. She can have HFA here. By then, she may not have that white Shi Tzu dog but decide on a grey one by then (yes, that was why I asked what dog she had).

((sigh))

Because of how my 2026 has been, I'm actually NOT worried that nothing has really happened between us right now. Most of the important work is being done internally, where my heart is slowly starting to warm up to you. The way I addressed you now in this letter is definitely NOT what I had in mind while listening to the fireworks welcome in this new year. I assure you, you're going to see a different woman than the one you remember, the one you still have in your mind as I packed up my desk. I'll be someone much different and better.

Once again, thank you.

~ Me

This time, I'm going to leave out the dead-giveaway context and just go straight for it. This was not something that I wanted to write, but this came up to me last night and with the eventful week I have coming up ahead, I need no distractions. I need to focus.

((sigh)) I had been trying to prove you wrong. My own past, the behaviors of others, even life's circumstances. I had been using everything I can to prove that you are wrong for me.

There's (still) a lot about you that I don't know. It's possible that I formed my judgment based on outward things without taking the time to investigate, ask why, and see things beyond the surface.

When I decide that you are my right guy, the rest of my life just ... works. I'm not worried or distracted by other men. I'm not distracted by those who don't call me back, don't text me back, or don't have the intellect to keep a conversation going. I'm not "looking" for anyone and I'm not putting myself in any kind of position where I'm looking. I can't speak about 2027 or 2028, but for right now in the summer of 2026, you are what works.

I can't properly define you as "the one before the one" as long as "the one" never shows up. In my mind, that makes you "the one" by default.

And why is this letter unusual? This is just a temporary release; I'm going to delete this one. During the time I have this posted, should the universe want you to receive my message, you will.

That is all.

~ Me

Translation: I went back to the grocery store, picking up the forgotten item from yesterday's list, and he wasn't there. Two nights in a row. This is the confirmation that I have not met you yet. If you exist, you are still out there, very much unknown to me.

((sigh))

However, this letter does still serve a purpose because there were lessons that I meditated on during my walk back home.

First, you know that religious scripture "Don't arouse or awaken love until the proper time"? I believe that's what the universe is doing right now. Instead of having me waste my romantic and intimate energies on the wrong men who end up being, well, a waste of time and energy, they are being kept away from me so that way I can save all of that for you. Those wrong men have a habit of arousing and awakening romantic desires and then conveniently disappearing right before what could have been love fully awakens. I'm thankful that I'm protected away from those men who steal away from me what is being saved and kept aside exclusively for you.

Second, you and I are both not ready yet. We are currently the wrong people for the wrong people and not yet right for each other. There are still lessons that need to be learned and healing that needs to happen before you exist and show up in my world.

Now, this might be because I'm just a little disappointed that real love has shown up for me yet, so please forgive me for what I'm about to share with you.

I'm starting to accept that you don't actually exist. There is no right guy out there for me. Yes, I enjoy the concept of believing that you and I will come together one day. Yes, I'm getting equity out of showing the universe that I'm healing, growing, and willing to learn all of the right lessons in learning how to become the right partner.

But there comes a point where it all ends. I won't be writing these letters forever. At some point, I will have to acknowledge that, while it was enjoyable to entertain you as a possibility, I will need to accept that you don't exist. You never did. At the end of the day, these words are just that ... words. Posted words that describe my healing process and tell the story of a portion of my life's journey.

I don't anticipate this being my final letter. However, from now until things in my life significantly changes, I'm going to use tonight's events to conclude that I'm simply not meant for an intimate relationship, and I can guarantee remaining single the rest of my life.

That is all.

~ Me

This letter is my homework assignment in the School of Love, taking the course called "Being the Right Person, Not Looking for One". The lyrical inspiration behind this letter is "Almost Maybes" by Jordan Davis.

If the universe happens to lead you to read these words, or if you've had a chance to get more of a glimpse of my growth track regarding real love, I had recently met a guy at the grocery store and, at the time, it was questionable if it was purely a one-time thing or the start of something. Well, I had gone back and, this time, he wasn't there. I will be honest in saying that I was slightly disappointed. However, while I was pondering the kitchen cleaners and air fresheners (I made my picks, though), the universe had the store play that Owl City song. I had to stop, breathe, and trust in the universe that him not showing up was not an accident. He wasn't meant to show up. It worked out the way that it was supposed to. Most importantly, I got the answer that I was looking for. The guy I met wasn't you. I still haven't met you yet.

I did give you a lot of thought during my walk back home.

First, I'm trusting the universe that when the time is right for you to find me, you will find me. I won't have to swipe on my phone, hoping you view my profile and that you provide more conversation than "Hey" (hint: I don't believe in online dating). There won't be any tapping any hearts on any of your stories (or you doing the same for me) on Insta followed by very little to no substantial conversations on the phone. The whole "let's let fate decide if we meet each other again"? I have two for two now as strong confirmations that I don't believe in that, either. No, I'm still not going to give out my phone number, convey interest, make the first move or do anything that gives off the impression on any guy out there that I'm willing to chase after him. I'm wasting my time and energy on all the wrong men who avoid me and reject me. Because you're the right one, you'll be the one who finds me. This won't require me to be aggressive, chasing, forcing, demanding, manipulating, or otherwise taking any kind of initiative into making things happen.

Secondly, in one form or another, all of the wrong men that came before you didn't show up. In every instance where I thought that they would show up and step up, they were absent. They didn't answer the phone. They stood me up. Their dry text message randomly appeared in my inbox after days of silence. We'd mutually agree on a video call, yet there would be something that would pre-emptively keep him from logging on. We'd be talking (via chat, phone, or DMs) and he would suddenly stop conversating completely, no explanation provided. Because you are the right guy, you're going to be the one who shows up. I can count on you to be there. You are a man of your word, and you will move heaven and earth to make sure that you show up early for me in order to be on time.

Finally, the reason for this song playing: I understand that you and I will meet, get to know each other, and stay together, sponsored in part by the others in our pasts that didn't work out. Just like from my side where I had one guy turn down my Insta request (his rejection told me that he wasn't interested in establishing any kind of communication with me) and another one didn't show up at my nearby grocery store (he wasn't available), there are going to be women in your past (before me) that have done things and told you things when you were together to bring things to an end. Maybe she was the one who stood you up. Or she stopped calling/texting back. Or she decided to give her deadbeat ex another chance after matching on Tinder after weeks hiding it from you. Bottom line, had it not been for those who didn't show up or had a change of heart and decided to end things, you and I would not even exist together.

That is all.

~ Me

I'm enjoying my Sunday Funday not being in church.

Coloring in my coloring book and meditating.

Snacking.

Catching up on The Hills and napping.

Mentally preparing for the short workweek ahead.

I love my Sundays not wasted in church. It's a day of refreshment, preparation and just enjoying myself.

This letter serves as my therapy, verbal confirmation to the universe that I'm doing my best to learn and grow. If you happen to be reading these words, this provides you a glimpse as to why we haven't met yet and, more importantly, why the universe has not made any provisions for us to begin the work of getting to know each other and build a relationship.

I'm going to reference two songs in this letter.

The first, as mentioned in the title, is Whitney Houston's "How Will I Know?" On my own, as a single and learning all of the right lessons from the wrong men, I believe I may have figured out the answer to this question as to how I will know that you are my right guy. The answer is quite simple: I will be able to get to know you. All of the wrong men, in one form of another, did not make it possible for me to really know them. Being busy. Already having a wife/girlfriend. Hung up on an ex. Wanting to talk about sex or dominating the conversations by trauma-dumping. Love-bombing and dry replies to texts. All of these behaviors kept me from getting to know any of them. Because you are the right guy, I will know that you are the right guy because I will be able to get to know you.

Which leads me to the second point ...

I will also know that it is you by the way that I know you. The song I'm referencing now is "10,000 Hours" by Dan + Shay, featuring Justin Beiber. The wrong guys wanted me to know how great and wonderful they were, how pleasing and accommodating they were to their former lovers, the shape and form of their physical bodies, and all of their emotional and mental issues that should be discussed in therapy. Because you are my right guy, the way I know you will be significantly different. Yes, there will a time and place where we can discuss bedroom play, past trauma in terms of growing and healing, physical attraction to one another, and previous relationships that had failed that ultimately brought us to each other. However, in the early stages of building a friendship and growing a relationship, I'll be able to know you in a healthy and wholesome way. I'll know where you got your middle name from, what you dreamed about the night before, if you miss the road you grew up on, and if you really jump and dance with your friends at a party. I'll get to know the good, the bad, the in-between, and I'll get to cure my curiosity.

I'll know that you're my right guy because I'll get to know you.

That is all.

~ Me

This is your FUTURE wife writing here. Future. Wife. We haven't met yet. We're not even friends right now. However, if you happen to be reading these words, this gives you a glimpse into my growth period right now and the lessons that I'm learning in order to become the woman who will one day put that wedding ring on your finger and vow to remain by your side for the rest of my remaining days.

My former crush, The One before The One, fulfilled his purpose in my life and I'm growing through the lessons that he's taught me. The guy that hurt me by rejecting me right now is the same guy who is leading me down the aisle, helping to cross that bridge from all the wrong guys of my past and into a lifelong, committed, faithful and loving relationship with you. I promise you, among many things, that as I look into your eyes, I'm going to be very, very thankful for what I'm learning and going through right now.

What hurts the most about this guy was not necessarily his rejection but the fact that I made a grave and premature judgment call about him being my future husband. I'm less hurt and more ashamed, embarrassed, sorrowful and regretful over my misjudgment.

I used to think that "when you know, you know" would be our story. We'd have that whirlwind, magical type of story where we'd practically eye each other from a distance and somehow "just know" that we're right for each other. I'm accepting now that it's not going to be like that in real life. In fact, I anticipate our meeting and introduction to each other to be somewhat uneventful, boring, and anticlimactic.

As much as I'm in pain over how stupid I had been about this guy, I can honestly say that I'm thankful that I had been shown to be wrong. I'm glad that this guy wasn't you. He wasn't my future.

I made my judgment call about him after only ONE conversation. Yes, standing outside after work when my (former) boss hired him on, he told me all about the push start-stop feature on his DeLorean, having a side business crafting baby shark charm bracelets, he prefers peanut butter and honey sandwiches because he doesn't like jelly, and he freeze dries them to save him money on groceries. THAT'S IT. Yes, I believed he was my future husband based off THAT conversation.

I'll admit that I was stupid.

I'm very glad that the shame and hurt I'm experiencing right now is helping me to grow and become a better woman so that I'm not making the same (or worse) mistakes when it comes to you.

First off, obviously, it will take more than just one conversation in order for me to fully assess everything about you to determine if you are my future spouse. One brief conversation is barely an introduction. I want to take the time to really get to know you. First as a human, then getting to know you are as a man, then a friend, and then a dating partner.

Second, I want to enjoy dating you. Yes, I know that dating seems archaic now, considering the dominance of social media, AI, and other forms of deepfakes that substitute for a real relationship. I want to spend time with you having you as my boyfriend and building an intimate, romantic relationship before solidifying an official commitment. I want to enjoy us talking on the phone, going out on dates, sharing a variety of experiences, and slowly getting to know each other more intimately over time. I don't want to shortchange myself by looking at you and wanting to see the next 60 years; I want to take a romantic relationship with you one step at a time.

Next, I understand that you are not going to be a coworker and I don't us working together. I don't know what your occupation is yet, but I do know that they say "don't shit where you eat" for a reason. One of the mistakes made with The One before The One was that I believed that the side of him that he showed at work would naturally translate to who he was outside of work. The universe is making it clear that it's in my best interest that I never know him personally. I don't want to treat you that way. I don't want us to ever work together. The woman I am at work will always be different than the woman you see at home.

I'm going to say this again: I'm glad that we haven't met yet. Right now, I'm learning the lessons that I need in order to become the right woman for you. It's painful and it can be lonely, but it's necessary for me in order to make sure that I'm not repeating my past and that I'm going to live a more successful and brighter future. The future that has you in it. I don't know how long it will take for me to get there, but I know that I'm one step closer.

That is all.

~ Me