r/dating

Went on a first date with a guy I met on Hinge, and it was sooooo good.

We spent over 15 hours together, which is by far the longest I've ever spent on a first date. At one point we were just sitting together, staring into space, not talking, and it wasn't awkward at all. We were different in a lot of ways but also weirdly similar.

Before we left, he said, "I really, really like you. I had such a good time with you, and I want to see you more." And he didn't want me to leave.

I woke up this morning and saw he unmatched me on Hinge (he's showing up in my past matches which means he didn't delete the app).

We had already exchanged numbers before that, we're still talking on WhatsApp, and we've even made tentative plans to see each other again this week. So logically, I know unmatching could simply mean, "We have each other's numbers now, so we don't need Hinge anymore."

Emotionally? My brain has decided this is a five-alarm fire.

I also know modern dating is... modern dating. Lots of people date multiple people until they become exclusive. Meanwhile, my emotions are aggressively monogamous. The second I genuinely like someone, everyone else ceases to exist. I can't even hold conversations with multiple people anymore. I haven't responded to my hinge messages since the date and hinge keeps notifying me about my pending conversations.

I know everyone is going to tell me to just ask why he unmatched me. And maybe I should. But it also feels like such a huge thing to ask when we're literally still texting and making plans. It makes me feel like I'd sound completely unhinged.

The scary part is... I think I really, really like him. I'm terrified by how much I like this person after just one date. I haven't felt this way in a very long time.

My heart has been doing the weirdest things ever since. I feel both peaceful and troubled.

It reminds me of Michael Scott(the office) saying, "I want people to be afraid of how much they love me." Except I'm the one who's afraid of how much I like him.

If he ghosts me or eventually hits me with, "I don't think this is working," I genuinely think I'll lose my bananas.

In an attempt to calm myself down, I've taken cold showers, drank Coca-Cola (which I never drink), eaten ice cream and wings, journaled, watched TV, cleaned my entire house, gone for a run where I literally screamed into the void... None of that has worked.

When we planned the date, we both agreed it would either be great or a disaster. It was great, toooo great and it wasn't extravagant. We just did things we both loved to do together and now my emotions are all over the place.

Like, I want to watch him dance, hear is laughter, watch as his eyes crinkle while he laughs, watch him sleep, cook, talk, walk, and cycle ahead of me. I want to know everything there is to know about him. I want to stare into his Brown eyes...

I don't know what to achieve by this post. That I like someone and the feeling is alien to me yet I like it and I want to shout it from the rooftop, that I need help to get myself together or to summon the courage to ask why he unmatched me.

Maybe more help with how to keep my emotions in check. Do I even need to keep it in check? Why am I even pessimistic?

I also wish you all good dates so we can all feel this gooood. Maybe with less pessimism and more excitement that we will not be ghosted.

Hello! I am 20f and about almost 2 weeks ago I went out with my friends and met this guy (22m) at a party. We had a great time together and danced and really clicked. My friends were really fond of him too and said we had great chemistry together and he was polite to all of us. We exchanged instagrams and he asked me if i ever wanted to hangout with him again and i told him yes (my friends also agreed because like i said they really liked him too). I hung out with him a few days after that and stayed over and it was amazing. We went to the beach and watched movies at his place after, we also ate food. We did do sexual things (making out, oral sex, handjobs), but we didn’t go all the way because i told him that i was a virgin and wasn’t ready, in which he respected that. I left his house in the morning and he texted again to follow up. However, when we tried to make plans to see each other again this past week it’s all been not good. He would make a plan then leave me hanging. For example he made a plan to go to the beach again but with his friends this time and my friend and I asked what time and he didn’t reply until late at night. Another time he asked me abt my work schedule and when i would be off for us to hangout again and i told him i was free and i even called him cause he asked “do you still wanna come over” and he didn’t respond when i called. he then texted the next morning and said his phone got lost and died. i then asked him to hangout the following day and he said that he couldn’t but he would lmk if anything. i left him on delivered and gave him the option to reach out but he hadn’t and it’s been about 4 days. it hurt me rlly bad because i was very vulnerable with him (first time performing/receiving oral sex) and i also really liked talking to him and joking with him. i got over it up until yesterday when i was at work and just checking my phone. i posted a photo on instagram and i saw that he liked it. now i cant stop thinking about him im so frustrated with the inconsistent communication and im not sure where i stand or where he stands. it’s even more confusing because he approached me first and he initiated first so im so confused. if anyone has any insight please let me know 😭 i dont have much dating experience and i know the logical thing would just be to move on but how can i when i am still so confused and hurt

So ever since we matched on tinder we've been talking a lot on instagram. He would text me all the time for like a week even double texting when i didn't reply. At that time i wasn't THAT interested but he seemed like a cool person so we decided to meet. We went to an open air movie at night, movie finished at midnight, then walked for a while, had a drink and sat next to the river talking for hours. Then we went to a cool park to watch the sunrise and went home at like 7 a.m. We met at 9 p.m. the last night so we spent 10 hours with each other.

We didn't do anything tho like we didn't kiss or anything, the only physical contact we had was that we hugged goodbye. The thing is i liked him a lot. He was totally my type. It's actually the first time i went out with someone from Tinder and actually wanted to see him again. But he didn't text me again at all. Just texted to send me his friend's number bc i told him i need a job and he said his friend works at a bar and might be able to get a job for me at that bar. And that's it. Then i told him i listened to the songs he sent me and that i loved them and he was like "yess i'm happy now " and i replied something like im happy i found a cool band too and he just liked the message and didn't text again. We met 5 days ago.

Does it mean he's not interested anymore ever since he met me on person? I thought he would be cuz he stayed with me til morning. I feel like i can't text him now bc he's not texting me. And i feel like it's a hint he doesn't like me so i just dunno what to say to him and i just don't wanna text first when he's clearly stopped texting since he saw me. Does it mean he doesn't like me or something? Or does he think i don't like him? I keep thinking about him =(

I understand needing some alone time in life but it seems like it’s popular now for men to need to spend a majority of their time alone, at least the ones I come into contact with.

I just wonder, if you need a lot of alone time but you simultaneously want a relationship, how is that going to work? You want a partner, but you would also rather be in your house alone while there is a person who cares about you a few miles away that would be delighted to just sit next to you on the couch even if in silence?

How do relationships ever get started if you require a lot of alone time, because in order for the relationship to ever get serious you need to commit some real time to them to see what they are like in all areas of life and to really get to know them, you cant do that if you would mostly prefer to be alone. could you ever love someone enough that you would rather spend time with them than be alone? And even if that happens, how would you even get to the point of loving them if you don’t spend enough time with them because you’re always prioritizing your alone time?

I also enjoy my alone time, but if I actually found someone that I like, I just feel that time with them would be better spent than time alone.

(this post is only for the people who genuinely need a lot of alone time, you know who you are. We all need alone time but there are people who need a lot more if it than the average person)

So I signed up for a speed dating event.... I punked out and didn't go.

I got a message saying I got a match, so I went to this coffee date.

I went to a party for fourth of July weekend and forgot to send her an email to say I didnt go to the event to prevent an awkward interaction.

So I sent an email saying that I never went to the event, 10 minutes prior to the scheduled date.

Oh well....

She sent me an email saying she's not comfortable and she doesn't know me and she will not be meeting me.

Lesson learned, I shouldn't have punked out the first time. But, at least I stepped out of my comfort zone.

I like meeting new people but am done with the dating scene. I've had many people flake over the years and I just feel kind of done with trying to find someone else. Especially after my ex ghosted me years ago that I still talk about it. Has anyone had a similar experience where they kind of feel pressure to find someone else but are super happy? What do you do in that case I feel like this week if I made up with somebody it's just going to be a logical friend meet up. When I was really into last year but he hasn't been reliable enough. So dating him is out. However I still want to see what's out there I don't want to give up I mean if it doesn't happen for me again that's fine but I don't want to say you don't 2 years down the road I should have gone out and done this and this.

I never really been liked by anyone. Romantically or friendly. But… I have had a lot of people who were nice to me because they felt bad for me. So most likely, if I ever get sex or a kiss it would probably be because someone feels bad for me. Is it possible to be offered pity sex or a pity kiss without manipulating someone? I think the date I went on was a pity date. At the very least she told me she only became friends with me because she felt bad that I had no friends. And she did also try to kiss me but I panicked at backed away so if pity kisses are bad I think that technically doesn’t count. If pity sex/ a pity kiss requires being a manipulative person, then I’m just gonna reject any offer I get for a kiss or sex, since it’s very likely it’s out of pity.

I 23M have been single for about a year now. I already know many people may say “that’s not that long” and “you’re really young.” I’m aware of both of those things and I’m grateful. The problem is I see everyone I know getting married and having children. I see love all the time around me and wish it could be me. I’m tired of everytime I want to spend time with someone it’s always with their significant other and they deem you an asshole for it. I went to a concert not to long ago and my friend brought his gf along. I don’t dislike her or anything but it’s uncomfortable to essentially watch a date.

I want nothing more on this earth than to have the romantic love I’ve always dreamed of. I often feel lonely because I don’t have much of a social life. I’ve been trying to find ways to improve my appearance (updating my clothes, going to the gym, better haircut, etc). I work my job and go to the gym. I’ve never really been a bar type guy but have debated it. I don’t drink or do drugs. I consider myself Christian but I’m a sinner. I feel like from repetitive heartbreak it makes new dating experiences scary. The dating apps are atrocious as always for men. I might as well try to talk to a wall.

It all just feels hopeless and I also have the desire to have physical intimacy again. I don’t engage in hookups or anything like that. I wish I had someone who would love me for who I am. I wish I could have someone to love,hold, and cherish. A lot of times I simply wonder what’s wrong with me. I feel like I’m just seen as ugly, weird, or just plain boring. I just don’t really know what to say or how to feel. I know I want love and feel like something is wrong with me.

So when yall put “ short term fun” on your dating profiles, what does that mean? Are yall looking to hookup or just have fun dates, adventure etc in addition to sex ? I’m always confused because I get a lot of men liking my Leslie with that listed as their “ what I’m looking for”. Not sure how to interpret it.

I'm turning 26M soon and I feel like my metabolism has hit a brick wall the past few years. I started getting a dad bod and gained 30 pounds since 2023. I also developed stretch marks around my thighs and stomach area. It's gotten to a point where I don't even like looking at myself in the mirror before I shower. I was never scrawny when I was younger, but I felt my body rapidly change right after college. I've gotten back into mountain biking and cutting soda and have lost a few pounds this month, but obviously nothing drastic.

I recently started dating and got my first girlfriend ever. We've been together for about a month and we are taking things slow since we both had bad experiences rushing into things, but things have been going fine. I'm worried when we start getting sexually intimate, I'll be too insecure about being nude to do anything. It's already bad enough that I'm a virgin, so the first time is probably going to suck. But I feel like me hating the body scars might make it difficult to stay hard and I'll be super anxious.

I don't want to dump her and then wait until I'm fit again obviously. And she said that I was cute as I am. But I feel like I've "let myself go" too much to not feel attractive enough to date anymore, or that I've waited too long when I was in my prime.

Not gonna write a whole paragraph so here’s the summation

Imo, went well yesterday. Museum, supper walk. Lots of compliments from him. drove me to my car and mentioned doing a show today before he drove home “depending on when he leaves”. He’s 2 hours from here and had a room in my city for the night.

He seemed to like me last night. Said he was glad to see me, hugged me when we first met. He kissed me on the cheek with my permission and was quite nice.

I told him it was nice to meet him and thanked him for the ride to my car.

He posted our date on his story- the museum and what we had at the restaurant.

I haven’t texted him because I don’t wanna come off needy or demanding so I’m wondering when he should text? Or if I’ve been ghosted?

I did not get a kiss goodnight or anything like that but earlier on during the date he did ask, and I told him it was too soon. I don’t kiss on the lips on the first date.

It’s the afternoon after now.

Am I overthinking it? The music show starts today and is an all day thing.

UPDATE: he answered me! He said he had a great time and that he wants to see me again soon. However, around the time that he answered me, he posted on his story a lunch spot in town here. I suspect he had another date with someone else because he is still in the city and he never mentioned the music show that he vaguely brought up last night.
Is this guy a player?

Settling an argument with a friend so pls bear with me. Imagine this: you match with a man on a dating app who you find attractive and have things in common with. They feel the same and you exchange a few nice messages. Then they hit you with “Out of curiosity, what do you look for in a guy?”

What would YOU respond?

Maybe I’ve just had bad luck with the straight women I’ve dated, but I (31m, queer, trans guy) can’t help but notice some fundamental differences between when I’ve dated straight women vs queer women. To the point that I don’t think I can date straight women anymore.

Notably, the straight women I’ve dated have been very passive in the sense that they will not initiate physical contact, give compliments, and will barely touch me when we’re being intimate (which makes the sex feel like I’m using their body which is a big turn off). The expectation seems to be that the focus should be on them with little reciprocity and little concern for whether I feel wanted or desired. It feels very one-sided, like I should be doing all of the pursuing. It makes me feel like shit, to be honest. I genuinely don’t know if, again, I’ve just had bad luck or if this truly is the expectation.

With the queer women I’ve dated, it’s been a night and day difference. They’ve been more engaged, more complimentary, open to initiating touch without being prompted, and more reciprocal and touchy during sex (which feels more like we’re doing this TOGETHER). It feels like the relationship is more 50/50 and that there’s a higher expectation of both of us putting in effort.

I’m curious about other people’s experiences between these two communities, and I’d love to hear more insight around what women expect their relationships and the energy in them to look like. Again, I have a small pool of people I’m drawing experiences from and I don’t want to generalize either community, but the difference has just seems stark to me.

I'm in my early 20s and never thought I'd end up in this position.

I'm torn between two girls and I'm honestly stuck because I don't want to hurt either of them.

One girl is local. We've been on a couple of dates, we've kissed, and every time we're together conversation just flows. I recently met her friends, had a great time, and left excited to see her again. She feels easy to be around and I can genuinely picture what a relationship with her would look like.

The other girl is an exchange student from overseas. We've spent more time together (about four dates), we've made out, and we've had some really deep conversations about life and relationships. She told me she only dates with the intention of marrying one day and that she could genuinely see a future with me. She's even said she'd be willing to try long distance when she leaves because she feels we work really well together. That means a lot to me because I also only date for long-term relationships, but choosing her means choosing long distance almost immediately.

Here's where I feel guilty. Neither relationship is exclusive, but both girls have told me they're only seeing me. They both casually asked if I was seeing anyone else and I kind of dodged the question because I genuinely didn't know what I wanted. Looking back, I don't feel great about that.

I've already decided I need to make a choice after this weekend because I don't want to lead either of them on any longer than I have to.

The problem is I genuinely like them both. I have a great time with both of them and neither relationship feels forced. It honestly feels like my heart is pulling me towards the exchange student, while my head keeps telling me the local girl makes more sense because there aren't all the complications of long distance.

Has anyone been in a situation like this? Did you follow your heart or your head, and do you regret it?

The last man I had 2 dates with told me he was not dating anyone else but is wanting to until he finds his partner but is still happy to see me while he dates other women in case we/they don’t work out.

I understand that we were not exclusive and had only 2 dates, but that still hurt.

I always thought when you meet someone you like you are in your honeymoon period and you just wanted them. I thought the early days of dating was the most exciting as you are still discovering each other.

Is this what 2026 dating is? You date multiple people at the same time until you choose one and they choose you back?

All I want is one man to choose me and I them, I don’t want to date the whole soccer team.

I mean, it might be a bias of mine.. the problem with confidence is precisely this.

But what if it's not the lack of confidence what one lacks in attracting others? What if that lack of confidence is more self aware of not being interesting to many people/a specific type.

We can't choice to who we are attracted, so if I like the girl serving at the coffee shop, but I do have this inner voice telling me "lol bro, come on.. you even dare to think about it?" because so many time it happened that I was delusional or straight up I have been dumped up for others.. or even for nobody.. are we really sure it's the confidence the problem here?

I get you see couple where the looks level is not the same sometimes.. but you also see and you experience many times how the competition now is almost the whole world with social media, or living in cities.. how do you even can think to be someone specific cup of tea for someone?

For what I saw there are guys having their way with many girls, and guys who would like to date girls but they are rejected. And imagine almost all of those girls rejecting you being interested in the same good looking guy who is having his way with many lol

(I am a man so I can give you only the personal male perspective.)

I’d get it if someone wanted to only go on a first date with someone who isn’t in another serious relationship. But if someone is dating with the purpose of finding someone serious, then that takes dating multiple people until you find the right one.

So let’s say you hit it off with someone after the first date. If you’re smart, you don’t just commit right then and there, because you know that it takes time to really get to know someone. That means multiple dates. Just to make sure that we don’t get into the category of “possible implied commitment” or something, let’s say that you never go on more than 5 dates with someone before either committing or ending it, because you’re good enough at reading people at that point to know if it’s worth getting serious or not.

5 dates could mean 5 weeks. Since you’re not explicitly committed at any point in that time, you wouldn’t be in the wrong for maybe calling someone who you hit it off with out in the wild and going on a date with that person.

So at that point you’re dating multiple people, but you’re literally just dating, in the most specific way to define that, meaning that you’re going on dates with these people but none of them are your committed romantic partner.

Then you meet someone else, and this person says “I don’t date people that are dating others.” So… what? Are you supposed to end the dating processes you have going with others for this one person who you know you may hit it off with but also as specified earlier, you also know that you can be wrong about someone at just the first date mark.

Ignoring the fact that if this person wants that and you’re not like that then you’re likely just incompatible in the first place, isn’t it just an unreasonable ask in general? I have a lot of confidence and self esteem, but I also don’t think I’m so special that someone should change all of their plans for me. If I want someone, I’m ready to compete.

I could use some clarity regarding the logic here.

Dating as a biracial person has always been different to navigate, especially living in a place where mixed race families are not very common. By virtue all of my past relationships have been interracial, in a sense.

I was thinking about how a biracial person could be in a relationship that’s NOT interracial and I think the only way would be to date someone the same two races as you with the same parent being the same race (we all know it matters).

Any biracial people in this sub that have done it (dated someone the same two races as you)? I guess I’m curious about whether it makes a big difference or not.

I’m curious how much being skinny affects dating-app success for men. Is it something that makes you less likely to swipe right, or is it usually not a big deal compared with quality photos, clothing style, and personality?

I’m debating whether to get on dating apps now or wait until I’m in better shape. Honest answers are welcome.

This post is pretty long so feel free to scroll.

October of 2025, I started talking to Derrick. I had to move our first date to the next day due to an issue with my apartment and he was cool with it. He seemed sweet and considerate because in the past, men have snapped at me for changing the date or time.

We went on three dates and I thought we we're having a good time, until I had sex with him. It seemed like over night he became aloof. I would invite him out with my friends, he would ask multiple questions about the hang out, and then not show up. He did the same thing on​ my 30th birthday, and I was heartbroken.

He then texted me paragraphs upon paragraphs on valentine's day, apologizing for his behavior. He blamed it on his new promotion. I went to his house and he "poured his heart out". He told me he really liked me and that I can come over anytime. That we'd make dinner together and watch movies. None of those things ever happen, but some how he likes me...

In April, I decided to say fuck it and just go out on causal dates, just something to do and maybe get "some". That's when I met James.

He's open, honest, and so much fun. James is also a ENM. He was so easy to get comfortable with, it was my first time kissing on a first date. We discussed our past relationships and he explained why him and his primary partner broke up. I figured this was just causal so I'll treat this as just fun.

We had our third date two weeks ago, and he told me his friend says he has a type. He showed me his exes and I look nothing like them. He talked about how he used to couple swap and "unicorn shopping". He even talked about how attractive the women at another table were.

My problem is, everything I wanted to do with Derrick, I do with James, but James doesn't like me. James installed my fire alarm when I couldn't reach it. We've had movie nights and we take turns on bringing the food. We've been intimate multiple times and he's never switched up how he treats me. Last week, he cooked for us and brought it over. This was the first time we didn't have sex when he came over and while that's not bad, I keep thinking about the pictures of his exes and the women at the table.

Why is it that the man who says he likes, only pops up when he wants something physical, but then I go out and share a pizza in a romantic restaurant with a man who's just causal?